(Thanks to "Crazomatic" for the little help on a plot element. ^_~)
(Kahn is relaxing in Kirk's quarters.)
Kahn: Ah, how sweet is the sound of triumphant. Because it isn't pop music.
(However, N'Sync music starts playing from the speakers. Soft but deadly. Two brainwashed redshirts by the door burst into flames, squawking. Kahn merely sweats.)
Kahn: Oh... no.
(Kirk bursts in. Without his shirt on. Another redshirt clutches his chest and dies.)
Kahn: You!
Kirk: Me.
Kahn: ...where's your shirt?
Kirk: Dry cleaners.
Kahn: Oh.
(They face each other for a few minutes before Kahn sighs.)
Kahn: I'll go, I'll go... where's Fluffy?
Ominous, Squeaky Voice: Against the wall! NOW!
(A phaser blast takes out several redshirts. The corpses explode "pleasantly." Kahn and Kirk quickly do as told.)
(Fluffy is standing... sitting... Well, he's in the doorway. Whether Tribbles have feet is optional in this fanfic. Oh, and he's holding a phaser. Just so you know.)
Kahn: ...double crosser!
Kirk: ...fluffy scum!
Fluffy: Humans! Please. No name calling. Insult me in my own language.
(Kahn starts squeaking, and Kirk almost dies of laughter. But, he doesn't. Too bad.)
Fluffy: That's enough! My mother doesn't do that! *sniffs* *somehow* Now. Make me Captain of this Vessel.
Kirk: What?!?
Fluffy: You heard me! ...wait, at this time in the script, who's in charge of this bucket?
Kahn / Kirk: I am!
Kirk: *glares*
Kahn: *glares*
Fluffy: *rolls its eyes, which are hidden, so I don't know why he even bothered* Oh, and that answers SO MUCH... Author?
Deep, Powerful Voice: Kahn!
Fluffy: You're not the author! You imposter!
(There are shouts as a crowd somehow drags the "Imposter" down and mauls him, a la Monty Python. The real author appears.)
Timid Voice: ...Kirk.
Fluffy: Thanks.
Timid Voice: No problem.
(Kirk and Kahn glare at the Tribble.)
Fluffy: *smug* The author likes villains.
Kahn: But --
Fluffy: Silence! You were merely the side villain! Buwaha ha ha!
Kirk: *mutters* We're doomed.
(Timely commercial break!)
(Kahn is relaxing in Kirk's quarters.)
Kahn: Ah, how sweet is the sound of triumphant. Because it isn't pop music.
(However, N'Sync music starts playing from the speakers. Soft but deadly. Two brainwashed redshirts by the door burst into flames, squawking. Kahn merely sweats.)
Kahn: Oh... no.
(Kirk bursts in. Without his shirt on. Another redshirt clutches his chest and dies.)
Kahn: You!
Kirk: Me.
Kahn: ...where's your shirt?
Kirk: Dry cleaners.
Kahn: Oh.
(They face each other for a few minutes before Kahn sighs.)
Kahn: I'll go, I'll go... where's Fluffy?
Ominous, Squeaky Voice: Against the wall! NOW!
(A phaser blast takes out several redshirts. The corpses explode "pleasantly." Kahn and Kirk quickly do as told.)
(Fluffy is standing... sitting... Well, he's in the doorway. Whether Tribbles have feet is optional in this fanfic. Oh, and he's holding a phaser. Just so you know.)
Kahn: ...double crosser!
Kirk: ...fluffy scum!
Fluffy: Humans! Please. No name calling. Insult me in my own language.
(Kahn starts squeaking, and Kirk almost dies of laughter. But, he doesn't. Too bad.)
Fluffy: That's enough! My mother doesn't do that! *sniffs* *somehow* Now. Make me Captain of this Vessel.
Kirk: What?!?
Fluffy: You heard me! ...wait, at this time in the script, who's in charge of this bucket?
Kahn / Kirk: I am!
Kirk: *glares*
Kahn: *glares*
Fluffy: *rolls its eyes, which are hidden, so I don't know why he even bothered* Oh, and that answers SO MUCH... Author?
Deep, Powerful Voice: Kahn!
Fluffy: You're not the author! You imposter!
(There are shouts as a crowd somehow drags the "Imposter" down and mauls him, a la Monty Python. The real author appears.)
Timid Voice: ...Kirk.
Fluffy: Thanks.
Timid Voice: No problem.
(Kirk and Kahn glare at the Tribble.)
Fluffy: *smug* The author likes villains.
Kahn: But --
Fluffy: Silence! You were merely the side villain! Buwaha ha ha!
Kirk: *mutters* We're doomed.
(Timely commercial break!)