(Enterprise blows up. KABOOM!)
(No, just kidding. Sorry. It's been a long day.)
KIRK: *holds head in hands* It's finally happening, Spock. We're going to die. I... I love you.
(SPOCK attempts to look DIGNIFIED, but just ends up looking FREAKED OUT.)
SPOCK: Captain... are you all right?
KIRK: Do I LOOK alright?!?!
SPOCK: ...
(UHURA and CHEKOV have a "MOMENT.")
UHURA: We'll never see each other again! Oh, Pavel! lunges
CHEKOV: Mmf!
(FLUFFY looks moved. And he has POPCORN.)
FLUFFY: *tearfully* It's all so... beautiful! *insert evil anime laugh here* Too bad you're all going to die!
KIRK: Tribble! What are your plans?!?
FLUFFY: I already told you! But it doesn't make any difference, as you're all going to die!
(Suddenly, FLUFFY is hit with a helluva lot of vegetables for stealing BLACK WALTZ THREE's line from "FINAL FANTASY IX." He uses his cute Tribbles powers and POUTS.)
MCCOY: You steal other villains' lines? You really are evil!
FLUFFY: That's nothing! I created JON VOIGHT!
(MCCOY looks SHOCKED, and who can blame him, while KIRK moves forward, ripping off his shirt. Hey, tradition. Three Redshirts are hit with shards of the shirt and DIE.)
KIRK: Alright, you! You and me! Come on! *growls*
FLUFFY: That wouldn't be fair... hey, I know, I'll just kill you with this PHASER and then your whining will be gone!
(Millions of people declare FLUFFY to be their hero. However, KIRK grabs FLUFFY before he can do anything. Those people CURSE FLUFFY TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL for failing.)
KIRK: Aha!
FLUFFY: Ack! Don't hate me because I'm cuter than your toupee!
KIRK: No, my secret!
MCCOY: Ah, I thought your hair was livelier than was healthy at your last checkup...
UHURA: *is "busy" with CHEKOV*
SPOCK: Captain, if I may be so bold... perhaps Fluffy could be an asset.
KIRK: Eh? *holding FLUFFY over a trash compactor*
SPOCK: Kahn has disappeared. Which, according to the Hollywood rulebook, is trouble.
(KIRK POUTS at not being able to destroy the TRIBBLE, who looks extremely HAPPY.)
FLUFFY: God bless you, Spock!
SPOCK: Also, Tribbles are especially good on the grill.
(FLUFFY bursts into tears.)
FLUFFY: My child! Nooo!
KIRK: ...What?
FLUFFY: ...I'm pregnant, what will I tell my mother?
SPOCK: That is highly illogical. All Tribbles are born pregnant, as such.
FLUFFY: I was gonna name him "Kirk", too.
(KIRK promptly MELTS. UHURA and CHEKOV are taped by their crewmembers. MCCOY makes several sarcastic comments WHICH DO NOT MATTER TO THE PLOT.)
KIRK: Alright, Fluffy! Let's find Kahn!
(To be continued... again...)
(No, just kidding. Sorry. It's been a long day.)
KIRK: *holds head in hands* It's finally happening, Spock. We're going to die. I... I love you.
(SPOCK attempts to look DIGNIFIED, but just ends up looking FREAKED OUT.)
SPOCK: Captain... are you all right?
KIRK: Do I LOOK alright?!?!
SPOCK: ...
(UHURA and CHEKOV have a "MOMENT.")
UHURA: We'll never see each other again! Oh, Pavel! lunges
CHEKOV: Mmf!
(FLUFFY looks moved. And he has POPCORN.)
FLUFFY: *tearfully* It's all so... beautiful! *insert evil anime laugh here* Too bad you're all going to die!
KIRK: Tribble! What are your plans?!?
FLUFFY: I already told you! But it doesn't make any difference, as you're all going to die!
(Suddenly, FLUFFY is hit with a helluva lot of vegetables for stealing BLACK WALTZ THREE's line from "FINAL FANTASY IX." He uses his cute Tribbles powers and POUTS.)
MCCOY: You steal other villains' lines? You really are evil!
FLUFFY: That's nothing! I created JON VOIGHT!
(MCCOY looks SHOCKED, and who can blame him, while KIRK moves forward, ripping off his shirt. Hey, tradition. Three Redshirts are hit with shards of the shirt and DIE.)
KIRK: Alright, you! You and me! Come on! *growls*
FLUFFY: That wouldn't be fair... hey, I know, I'll just kill you with this PHASER and then your whining will be gone!
(Millions of people declare FLUFFY to be their hero. However, KIRK grabs FLUFFY before he can do anything. Those people CURSE FLUFFY TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL for failing.)
KIRK: Aha!
FLUFFY: Ack! Don't hate me because I'm cuter than your toupee!
KIRK: No, my secret!
MCCOY: Ah, I thought your hair was livelier than was healthy at your last checkup...
UHURA: *is "busy" with CHEKOV*
SPOCK: Captain, if I may be so bold... perhaps Fluffy could be an asset.
KIRK: Eh? *holding FLUFFY over a trash compactor*
SPOCK: Kahn has disappeared. Which, according to the Hollywood rulebook, is trouble.
(KIRK POUTS at not being able to destroy the TRIBBLE, who looks extremely HAPPY.)
FLUFFY: God bless you, Spock!
SPOCK: Also, Tribbles are especially good on the grill.
(FLUFFY bursts into tears.)
FLUFFY: My child! Nooo!
KIRK: ...What?
FLUFFY: ...I'm pregnant, what will I tell my mother?
SPOCK: That is highly illogical. All Tribbles are born pregnant, as such.
FLUFFY: I was gonna name him "Kirk", too.
(KIRK promptly MELTS. UHURA and CHEKOV are taped by their crewmembers. MCCOY makes several sarcastic comments WHICH DO NOT MATTER TO THE PLOT.)
KIRK: Alright, Fluffy! Let's find Kahn!
(To be continued... again...)