[AN: This chapter also isn't very good. This time my problem is that I sprained my wrist snowboarding and so typing takes some effort. This is the last chapter, so I'm sorry for leaving you with half-assed writing.]

When she woke up in the morning and felt Mark's cold feet against her legs, Mattie could tell that today would be the last time she'd probably see Gordie. Glancing over at her husband and feeling safe because his hand was lightly resting on hers, a wave of self-loathing washed over her for a moment. This man lying next to her had provided a life for her. Gordie was just an old boyfriend. She should not be missing him. But she was and always would.

She felt totally unfaithful. Sure, she hadn't acted on any of her thoughts about Gordie, but wasn't this how affairs started?

She didn't have a chance to think about her worries of infidelity because there was a knock at the door. Careful not to disturb either Riley or Mark as she crawled off the bed, she tiptoed around the suitcases and quietly cracked open the door to her hotel room.

Gordie was there again. He looked young with the new morning's light behind him. Smiling, he whispered, "Looking good, Mattie."

Grinning back, she slipped outside, the cement cold on her bare feet. "You like the bleary eyed, hair-sticking-up-in-every-possible-direction look?"

"Of course." They began to walk, no destination in mind. "So, uh, me and Sarah and the kids are going to be leaving pretty soon. I'm coming back this weekend to stay with Toby, but I just wanted to, um…I know it's early but I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you."

"Yeah, we did that whole not saying goodbye thing before and it resulted in a twenty-year absence."

"Can we please not do that again?" he asked.

"Do what?"

"Lose touch." He looked at her seriously. "I know we screwed up back then, and it cost us a relationship, and if it weren't for that maybe we would've stayed together. But we didn't, and that sucks, and I still think you're beautiful but we both got ourselves different lives that don't have anything to do with each other. But you were my friend before you were my anything else, and you were a damn good friend, Mattie--I've always missed your friendship. So now that we know what we missed out on, why couldn't we be friends again?"

"Wow, that was quite a speech, did you rehearse that?" she teased, but when he gave her a helpless look, she shrugged. "Because we can't, Gordie."

That hadn't been the answer he was hoping for. "Why not?"

She lowered her voice, as if scared to be overheard. "Because when I look at you now, Gordie, I still feel like the same sixteen-year-old that fell for you, and I know you feel the same way because I've seen some of the looks you've given me. But I've got this amazing family, and so do you--and you're right--our lives have nothing to do with each other. I don't want to lose you again, but I don't trust myself with you and I don't want to screw up what I've got right now."

He fell quiet. "So after today I won't see you again?" he asked after awhile.

"Maybe you will, maybe you won't," she said. "I don't know. I'm sorry, Gordie."

Gordie nodded solemnly. Mattie felt horrible. She'd just hurt a thirty-seven year old man's feelings. Suddenly, he blurted, "I miss Chris."

Peering up at him, she said, "I know you do, Gordie."

"You and him and Toby are what I loved the most from my growing up years. All of you helped me grow up. But now I don't have anyone left. You're all gone."

"You still have Toby." It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him that he still had her too, but she knew she could not be there for him without crossing the line.

Gordie ran a hand through his hair. "No," he muttered. "I don't even have her. You should see her, Mattie--"

"I did see her, at the funeral. She's in rough shape, but she's going to pull through--"

"No, I mean, really see her. I've known her all my life and she is not the same Toby. Her heart isn't just broken; it's totally shattered. I don't know how she's going to make it with a heart like that."

"You're giving up on her?" Mattie asked incredulously. One thing she always remembered about Gordie was how close he and his cousin were. Even when they pretended to hate each other, you could tell how much they secretly adored each other. She couldn't believe that he was just going to let her alone to wallow in her grief like this just because he believed that she couldn't pull herself together.

"I'd never give up on her," he snapped. "But I'm not a miracle-worker. I can't just snap my fingers and make her stop being the way she is. There is nothing I can do, Mattie. Toby has given up on herself, and I can't change that."

"Will she be okay?"

Mattie didn't like how dangerously tearful his voice sounded. "I don't think so, Mattie," he said honestly. "I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose her. It would be worse than lonely. I don't think there's really a word for life without her. She's always been a part of my life and I can't even imagine what it would be like."

"She told me once how she thought that I was brave but I thought that I was just scared," she murmured. "I know she doesn't want to talk to me, but will you tell her that not having Chris there to protect her like he always has is scary, but she amazes me with how incredibly brave she is?"

"Of course I will."

She smiled, sadly and painfully. "I'd better go back to my room."

"Okay."

Stretching up, she kissed him quickly on the cheek and started to walk away, leaving him with that same old smile.

Gordie watched her. She was still like an angel to him, with streaks of sunrise falling on her like a natural halo. And that smile reminded him how much he was going to be missing her.

Throwing a look over her shoulder and smiling brightly, she said, "I'll call you."