You got our pizzas yet?
What? You're not the pizza guy either? Are we ever going to get a meal? That's it, I'm switching to La Porchetta's.
What's do you mean 'what's my problem'?
What d'ya mean 'why are you so snappy'?
I don't' have a problem! I'm just tired, that's all.
Of course, you know what that means, don't ya? Ya don't look like an idiot. When people ay they are just tired, it's usually the last thing they mean. Most of the time they don't want to explain why they didn't sleep and what is really wrong. Sometimes they feel bad and use 'tired' as an excuse.
I am tired now. Tired of a lot of things. Tired of trying to be nice. Tired of trying to solve everyone's problems. Tired of forcing myself to be strong. Tired of being just normal. Tired of being in control. Tired of being coherent. Tired of being responsible. Tired of having the answers.
Tired of trying, tired of being me.
I don't know why though.
But everyone else seems able to break out. To get out. To be someone, or something, else.
Sometimes, no, often, I wish I could break out of this shell. I wish I could snap and go completely mental. I wish I could just go and beat the living shit out of some little prick until all this pent up emotion drains away leaving me hollow but sane and calm again.
But I can't start a fight. One, I don't know how to. sometimes I wish someone else would start a fight so I can fight back, but they don't. The other reason I can't is because I can't. I'm too responsible, there are too many other things I have to be so I can't do what I want.
I wonder why though. They don't really need me. Nobody needs me as a leader. The only reason I'm the 'leader' in the first place is because I had an idea of things to do, and it went from there.
I don't like the way I'm living. My view on life just sucks.
I reckon if I go round the bend the view will be better.
I must sound crazy. Maybe I am crazy. I used to wonder what being crazy would be like, then I decided I wont realise when I'm crazy anyway.
But all this anger, this frustration, is all eating me up inside like acid on the spirit, like rust in an engine, and I can't open up and let it all flood into the Outside. I can't neutralise it, I can't deal with it, nothing I do can stop it. All I can do is keep storing it away, hoarding it where nobody can find, and it slowly consumes what's me inside, pushing my limits. There is no safe way for me to release this negativity, nothing good can come of it.
I don't know what I can do with it.
People turn to me for answers. Sometimes I have them, sometimes I don't, but I have to give people some sort of answer. I have to say something, to pretend I understand, to show there is a solution. Even if I am only pretending. So often I just want to tell everyone to just fuck off, to leave me alone, to go find someone else who will listen to their dribble and offer sage advice. I'm not some Jesus Christ! I can't make you a miracle and solve everything. I'm only human, same as you, making a presumption there. I only know so much, and only know about you just what you tell me.
I don't like pretending to have the answers. And in the end you're problems and questions are all the same as each other's, and as mine. But you expect a different answer for each. What I want to tell you, what I really want to tell you, is STUFF HAPPENS whether you want it to or not. If you're complaining so much, why didn't you make the stuff you wanted to happen. It's your own fault and you can't blame anyone else for it. So don't blame anyone else for it.
I don't blame anyone else for my lack of release. I wouldn't burden anyone else with my problems.
It's just that I want to explode!
I didn't want to be made into a leader. I became a Rudie and started tearing the streets because I didn't want any responsibility, I didn't want to be in charge of anything. I didn't want to have to do anything.
But now...
Now I'm in charge of this gang. I'm responsible for our safety, and safety is a serious issue these days. My pop never mentioned tanks being used to deal with delinquents like us.
One day, one of us might get killed.
And it will be me who is responsible.
And I don't want to be.
Oh, and if you see a lost looking guy with a couple of by now cold pizza's, tell him where we are and to hurry up would ya?
What? You're not the pizza guy either? Are we ever going to get a meal? That's it, I'm switching to La Porchetta's.
What's do you mean 'what's my problem'?
What d'ya mean 'why are you so snappy'?
I don't' have a problem! I'm just tired, that's all.
Of course, you know what that means, don't ya? Ya don't look like an idiot. When people ay they are just tired, it's usually the last thing they mean. Most of the time they don't want to explain why they didn't sleep and what is really wrong. Sometimes they feel bad and use 'tired' as an excuse.
I am tired now. Tired of a lot of things. Tired of trying to be nice. Tired of trying to solve everyone's problems. Tired of forcing myself to be strong. Tired of being just normal. Tired of being in control. Tired of being coherent. Tired of being responsible. Tired of having the answers.
Tired of trying, tired of being me.
I don't know why though.
But everyone else seems able to break out. To get out. To be someone, or something, else.
Sometimes, no, often, I wish I could break out of this shell. I wish I could snap and go completely mental. I wish I could just go and beat the living shit out of some little prick until all this pent up emotion drains away leaving me hollow but sane and calm again.
But I can't start a fight. One, I don't know how to. sometimes I wish someone else would start a fight so I can fight back, but they don't. The other reason I can't is because I can't. I'm too responsible, there are too many other things I have to be so I can't do what I want.
I wonder why though. They don't really need me. Nobody needs me as a leader. The only reason I'm the 'leader' in the first place is because I had an idea of things to do, and it went from there.
I don't like the way I'm living. My view on life just sucks.
I reckon if I go round the bend the view will be better.
I must sound crazy. Maybe I am crazy. I used to wonder what being crazy would be like, then I decided I wont realise when I'm crazy anyway.
But all this anger, this frustration, is all eating me up inside like acid on the spirit, like rust in an engine, and I can't open up and let it all flood into the Outside. I can't neutralise it, I can't deal with it, nothing I do can stop it. All I can do is keep storing it away, hoarding it where nobody can find, and it slowly consumes what's me inside, pushing my limits. There is no safe way for me to release this negativity, nothing good can come of it.
I don't know what I can do with it.
People turn to me for answers. Sometimes I have them, sometimes I don't, but I have to give people some sort of answer. I have to say something, to pretend I understand, to show there is a solution. Even if I am only pretending. So often I just want to tell everyone to just fuck off, to leave me alone, to go find someone else who will listen to their dribble and offer sage advice. I'm not some Jesus Christ! I can't make you a miracle and solve everything. I'm only human, same as you, making a presumption there. I only know so much, and only know about you just what you tell me.
I don't like pretending to have the answers. And in the end you're problems and questions are all the same as each other's, and as mine. But you expect a different answer for each. What I want to tell you, what I really want to tell you, is STUFF HAPPENS whether you want it to or not. If you're complaining so much, why didn't you make the stuff you wanted to happen. It's your own fault and you can't blame anyone else for it. So don't blame anyone else for it.
I don't blame anyone else for my lack of release. I wouldn't burden anyone else with my problems.
It's just that I want to explode!
I didn't want to be made into a leader. I became a Rudie and started tearing the streets because I didn't want any responsibility, I didn't want to be in charge of anything. I didn't want to have to do anything.
But now...
Now I'm in charge of this gang. I'm responsible for our safety, and safety is a serious issue these days. My pop never mentioned tanks being used to deal with delinquents like us.
One day, one of us might get killed.
And it will be me who is responsible.
And I don't want to be.
Oh, and if you see a lost looking guy with a couple of by now cold pizza's, tell him where we are and to hurry up would ya?