Thank you to all those who pushed my reviews over 100. Angels, the lot of
you. (This is actually the seventh chapter, revised... thank you to the
reviewer who managed to see my big mistake! Thanks for your help!)
* * *
"Daniel," Mac repeated slowly. "Hi."
She sighed. She didn't think it was just the phone line that was making him sound so far away. She was only too aware that an ever-increasing chasm was opening between them, even if Daniel tried to act if nothing was wrong.
Harm. One way or another, it all came back to him. For a moment, she became utterly wrapped in her thoughts she forgot that the man she had married was on the other end of the phone receiver. She was yanked rather uncomfortably back to earth by his soft but insistent voice in her ear.
"Sarah? Are you still there?"
"I'm here," she murmured softly.
"Is everything alright? Sarah, you sound upset..."
Mac knew he didn't mean to sound like that, but she couldn't help feeling slightly angry and like he was nagging her.
"I'm fine!" she snapped.
"O-kay..." came the very doubtful voice from the other end of the line.
"Sorry, Daniel," she said, mentally slapping herself. 'Way to reassure him' she thought.
"What time will you be home?" he asked her.
Mac frowned as she picked up on the slightly cautious tone in his voice. He was a good, kind, loving man. He definitely did not deserve to be treated this way.
"Um, about seven."
"Good, I'll make you a special dinner hey? To celebrate your first day back at work?" he suggested.
Mac sighed. He was being the example of a perfectly model husband, and yet for some bizarre reason she didn't want to have dinner with him.
"Oh, yeah I just remembered. My friends are going to take me out for a drink to celebrate my return," she lied.
"Sarah, you don't drink."
She hated that little inkling of suspicion in his voice, though she knew she probably deserved it. She was his wife, and now she was making up excuses not to be with him.
"So I'll order a Coke," she retorted, then ran tense fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry, Daniel," she sighed. "Its just a bit weird being back, I guess." '
Most honest thing you've said all day.
That annoying inner voice was back, and she despised it.
Especially because what it said was usually true.
"Oh... okay..." she heard the evident disappointment in his voice. "So, around eleven?" he asked. She could hear the fake happy tone of his voice.
"Yeah... sounds alright," she mumbled. "See you then. Have a nice day."
"Yeah..."
There was a dull click as he hung up.
She had upset him badly, she knew that. He always ended their phone conversations with a cute 'I love you' or some similar sign of affection. But she'd blown it, and blown in badly.
"Argh!" she cried out in a moment of pure frustration, before slumping down, head in hands, on the desk.
And to top it all off, she now had to find something to do till eleven o'clock at night, so Daniel wouldn't continue to suspect that she had lied.
Lied.
The unspoken word reverberated around her brain. Always lying. To everyone she'd ever cared about, always lying.
To herself.
She had thought she had broken that habit when she'd married Daniel. She had finally allowed her feelings to be exposed and to her surprise, it had been a liberating and wonderful experience.
But now she was bottling up again, telling lie after lie to herself and those around her, to keep them at a safe distance.
All because of the person she had originally started lying to herself about.
Harm.
It all came down to Harm.
* * *
Harm was in his office, mulling over the conversation or lack thereof, with Mac. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, but if anything, his emotions were more jumbled than ever.
His head jerked up violently at a rap on his door.
"Enter," he said, retaining a sense of calm control, just in case it was Mac.
It wasn't.
"The Admiral would like to see you in his office, sir," Petty Officer Tiner said.
"Thank you, Tiner," Harm said dully.
Tiner fidgeted nervously, as the Captain made no sign of moving.
"Uh..." the young man mumbled. "Now, sir."
"What?" the Captain looked at him, the glaze over his eyes disappearing. "I'm sorry, Tiner, what?"
"The Admiral would like to see you in his office. ASAP, sir," he repeated, slowly and carefully.
The Captain nodded and rose stiffly, to follow the younger man out of the room towards his CO's office.
With his back to the Captain, Tiner frowned to himself as he wondered what on earth was going on.
* * *
The Admiral's door was open and the straight backs of five of his fellow officers greeted him.
"Ah, Captain Rabb. How nice of you to join us," the Admiral said. "Tiner," he called out to the Petty Officer, "You can join us soon."
Harm entered, followed by Tiner. In the room already were Harriet, Bud, Sturgis, Commander Imes, Mac and of course, the Admiral.
"We were just discussing the Colonel's return," said the Admiral, nodding his head at Mac. She barely looked at him and kept her eyes trained straightforward and her posture rigidly straight. "As her friends, I am assuming you will all attend the gathering I have arranged for this Saturday night at my place. 1900 hours. Commander Turner, will you be there?"
"With bells on, sir," Sturgis said, flashing Mac a big grin.
"Roberts?"
"Of course, sir," Bud replied. "Harriet... uh. Lieutenant Sims and I would be delighted to attend."
"Imes?"
"Wouldn't miss it."
"Tiner?"
"Yes, if the Colonel, I mean to say... if she thinks that... I mean if she thinks..." he stammered.
"I'll take that as a yes. Rabb?"
"Yes, sir," said Harm, almost inaudibly.
"Good. Of course, I take it you will attend with your husband, Colonel?" the Admiral asked Mac.
"Yes, sir," she replied crisply.
"Dismissed," the Admiral said. His command snapped to attention and all turned to leave in one fluid movement. "Oh, except you, Rabb."
The rest left. Harm was somewhat encouraged by the fact that Mac finally looked at him, even if it was simply a fleeting glance of curiosity. He turned his full attention to the Admiral.
"Yes, sir?" he asked cautiously.
"Harm," he started. Harm had to carefully mask his surprise at hearing his CO refer to him by first name. It rarely happened. He also noted the sharpness to the Admiral's voice. Harm thought it best to say nothing.
"Don't..." the Admiral trailed off and gave a terse sigh. "Don't go ruining her life."
"Pardon, sir?"
"Mac. She's married, happy and I don't want you ruining it."
"Sir, I..."
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. Don't go dredging up the past. It died the day you were dumb enough to let her go, so leave it dead."
The Admiral regarded him carefully. Not one inch of his being, inside or out escaped that steely, penetrating gaze. Harm remained silent, even though he was dying to ask how the Admiral knew...
The Admiral sighed.
"Dismissed."
* * *
There! I'll try to have another chapter up on Thursday, cause that's my birthday. (Hey, if shopping stores have their 'tenth birthday sale extravaganzas!' why can't I release a birthday special? Ha, ha.) And now I've got an excuse to write about a party! YAAAAAYYYY! Keep the reviews coming!
* * *
"Daniel," Mac repeated slowly. "Hi."
She sighed. She didn't think it was just the phone line that was making him sound so far away. She was only too aware that an ever-increasing chasm was opening between them, even if Daniel tried to act if nothing was wrong.
Harm. One way or another, it all came back to him. For a moment, she became utterly wrapped in her thoughts she forgot that the man she had married was on the other end of the phone receiver. She was yanked rather uncomfortably back to earth by his soft but insistent voice in her ear.
"Sarah? Are you still there?"
"I'm here," she murmured softly.
"Is everything alright? Sarah, you sound upset..."
Mac knew he didn't mean to sound like that, but she couldn't help feeling slightly angry and like he was nagging her.
"I'm fine!" she snapped.
"O-kay..." came the very doubtful voice from the other end of the line.
"Sorry, Daniel," she said, mentally slapping herself. 'Way to reassure him' she thought.
"What time will you be home?" he asked her.
Mac frowned as she picked up on the slightly cautious tone in his voice. He was a good, kind, loving man. He definitely did not deserve to be treated this way.
"Um, about seven."
"Good, I'll make you a special dinner hey? To celebrate your first day back at work?" he suggested.
Mac sighed. He was being the example of a perfectly model husband, and yet for some bizarre reason she didn't want to have dinner with him.
"Oh, yeah I just remembered. My friends are going to take me out for a drink to celebrate my return," she lied.
"Sarah, you don't drink."
She hated that little inkling of suspicion in his voice, though she knew she probably deserved it. She was his wife, and now she was making up excuses not to be with him.
"So I'll order a Coke," she retorted, then ran tense fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry, Daniel," she sighed. "Its just a bit weird being back, I guess." '
Most honest thing you've said all day.
That annoying inner voice was back, and she despised it.
Especially because what it said was usually true.
"Oh... okay..." she heard the evident disappointment in his voice. "So, around eleven?" he asked. She could hear the fake happy tone of his voice.
"Yeah... sounds alright," she mumbled. "See you then. Have a nice day."
"Yeah..."
There was a dull click as he hung up.
She had upset him badly, she knew that. He always ended their phone conversations with a cute 'I love you' or some similar sign of affection. But she'd blown it, and blown in badly.
"Argh!" she cried out in a moment of pure frustration, before slumping down, head in hands, on the desk.
And to top it all off, she now had to find something to do till eleven o'clock at night, so Daniel wouldn't continue to suspect that she had lied.
Lied.
The unspoken word reverberated around her brain. Always lying. To everyone she'd ever cared about, always lying.
To herself.
She had thought she had broken that habit when she'd married Daniel. She had finally allowed her feelings to be exposed and to her surprise, it had been a liberating and wonderful experience.
But now she was bottling up again, telling lie after lie to herself and those around her, to keep them at a safe distance.
All because of the person she had originally started lying to herself about.
Harm.
It all came down to Harm.
* * *
Harm was in his office, mulling over the conversation or lack thereof, with Mac. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, but if anything, his emotions were more jumbled than ever.
His head jerked up violently at a rap on his door.
"Enter," he said, retaining a sense of calm control, just in case it was Mac.
It wasn't.
"The Admiral would like to see you in his office, sir," Petty Officer Tiner said.
"Thank you, Tiner," Harm said dully.
Tiner fidgeted nervously, as the Captain made no sign of moving.
"Uh..." the young man mumbled. "Now, sir."
"What?" the Captain looked at him, the glaze over his eyes disappearing. "I'm sorry, Tiner, what?"
"The Admiral would like to see you in his office. ASAP, sir," he repeated, slowly and carefully.
The Captain nodded and rose stiffly, to follow the younger man out of the room towards his CO's office.
With his back to the Captain, Tiner frowned to himself as he wondered what on earth was going on.
* * *
The Admiral's door was open and the straight backs of five of his fellow officers greeted him.
"Ah, Captain Rabb. How nice of you to join us," the Admiral said. "Tiner," he called out to the Petty Officer, "You can join us soon."
Harm entered, followed by Tiner. In the room already were Harriet, Bud, Sturgis, Commander Imes, Mac and of course, the Admiral.
"We were just discussing the Colonel's return," said the Admiral, nodding his head at Mac. She barely looked at him and kept her eyes trained straightforward and her posture rigidly straight. "As her friends, I am assuming you will all attend the gathering I have arranged for this Saturday night at my place. 1900 hours. Commander Turner, will you be there?"
"With bells on, sir," Sturgis said, flashing Mac a big grin.
"Roberts?"
"Of course, sir," Bud replied. "Harriet... uh. Lieutenant Sims and I would be delighted to attend."
"Imes?"
"Wouldn't miss it."
"Tiner?"
"Yes, if the Colonel, I mean to say... if she thinks that... I mean if she thinks..." he stammered.
"I'll take that as a yes. Rabb?"
"Yes, sir," said Harm, almost inaudibly.
"Good. Of course, I take it you will attend with your husband, Colonel?" the Admiral asked Mac.
"Yes, sir," she replied crisply.
"Dismissed," the Admiral said. His command snapped to attention and all turned to leave in one fluid movement. "Oh, except you, Rabb."
The rest left. Harm was somewhat encouraged by the fact that Mac finally looked at him, even if it was simply a fleeting glance of curiosity. He turned his full attention to the Admiral.
"Yes, sir?" he asked cautiously.
"Harm," he started. Harm had to carefully mask his surprise at hearing his CO refer to him by first name. It rarely happened. He also noted the sharpness to the Admiral's voice. Harm thought it best to say nothing.
"Don't..." the Admiral trailed off and gave a terse sigh. "Don't go ruining her life."
"Pardon, sir?"
"Mac. She's married, happy and I don't want you ruining it."
"Sir, I..."
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. Don't go dredging up the past. It died the day you were dumb enough to let her go, so leave it dead."
The Admiral regarded him carefully. Not one inch of his being, inside or out escaped that steely, penetrating gaze. Harm remained silent, even though he was dying to ask how the Admiral knew...
The Admiral sighed.
"Dismissed."
* * *
There! I'll try to have another chapter up on Thursday, cause that's my birthday. (Hey, if shopping stores have their 'tenth birthday sale extravaganzas!' why can't I release a birthday special? Ha, ha.) And now I've got an excuse to write about a party! YAAAAAYYYY! Keep the reviews coming!