Hehehehehe,...... You should have seen some of the responses I got at
TF.net!
Well dont worry.... this story has a LONG way to go.... and if your shocked by how long each chapter is .. is because I put a few post from TF.net together ....... but my story has 22 pages on the boards there... and I this one just came from page 8 so........ dont worry! LMAO!
Here it is!!!!!!!!! Oh! And this one has some A/A angst... so beware!!!
Oh! And this one is extreamly..... Long!!!!!!!
*************************
The next days came and went slowly for Anakin. Padme slept most of the time and her waking periods were short and silent, her body was still weak from the loss of blood. She would move every once in a while only to have Anakin jolt up in disappointment. He wanted to talk to her. Comfort her, but she would just fade to sleep once more.
When the sun, now an Evil blessing to Anakin, came through the blinds of the Healer window a week after she had woken from her Coma Anakin could see the color coming back to Padme's smooth face. He pulled himself slowly up onto her bed laying next to her weak form. He stared at her long curly tresses, and her silky skin. She was completely beautiful. On the outside.
She was a complete mess in the inside. And he could tell. The pain she must be going through! Anakin thought to himself.
Anakin still couldn't believe what had happened, it still haunted his dreams and his mind, he couldn't escape it, he kept wondering what their children could have looked like, and how much fun it would be to have them. She can no longer have children. He recalled the Healers words.
He remembered how he sank to his knees at hearing them and he
clamped his eyes closed and got lost in his own mind. He wanted so badly to curl up and cry, but he had to be strong. He HAD to be strong for Padme. He knew that when she was strong enough to talk about it she wouldn't take it very well, and he needed to be there for her.
His thoughts were abruptly stopped by the movement of Padme's hand on his. He looked down to her face and was surprised to see her eyes wide open and seeping with sadness. His heart melted at the sight of seeing her suffering, and he wished he could stop it, but he knew he wouldn't be able to. He looked hard into her eyes and his own started to well up with tears, just seeing the pain in her. If just seeing her pain is killing me, imagine what she must FEEL like!
Padme stared hard at his tear filled eyes and couldn't help but wonder if their children could have had his beautiful eyes. She knew that they needed to talk about this, she had been avoiding it and going back to sleep for the past week, but she couldn't sleep anymore. She needed to move, her bones were getting stiff and she needed exercise. She knew that he would bring the subject up, and soon. But she couldn't think of what to say, she still couldn't believe it.
She looked down from his lost eyes and noticed that he had gotten a new arm. Her face showed a twinge of a smile as she mentioned it to him.
"Ani, You got a new arm!" She started. "That's great."
Anakin knew that she was trying to avoid the subject of her injury and he played along. " Yep, it's just like the original one!" His mind then raced for the word of the next subject coming.
"Padme" He began once again. Padme we need to talk about this." He said as he pointed towards her weak form.
Padme to weak to avoid the subject any longer just nodded her head and sank deeper into her bed.
"It's all my fault." She stated abruptly.
Anakin stared at her tilted head in amazement There is no way she is blaming this on herself, she didn't do this!
"Padme how could you think that." He stated the obvious. "It wasn't your fault. It was the Sith... And that Bounty Hunter. They did this not you!"
She looked back into his eyes, now flowing with tears and shot back in barely a whisper. "I should have been stronger. I should have gotten away. I should have done something!"
Anakin grasped her hand tightly and answered her back in a calm soothing tone. "Padme you did all you could and that doesn't change the fact that I love you! I always will. I swear it!"
Padme stared even harder into his eyes and then looked down to his hands, tightly grasping hers. "You don't want me" She pulled her hands away from his and stared hard into his eyes.
"I'm damaged goods remember? You just want to make me feel better by staying." She shot at him once again.
Anakin stared blankly down at his wife.How could she think that. He thought to himself.
"I have nothing to live for anymore, Anakin" She started again when he didn't answer. " I don't feel whole anymore!"
Anakin felt the sorrow admitting out of her and couldn't help but choke a sob. "You can live for me, Padme!"
"But will you always be there for me? How do I know that you wont want more and then just leave me?" She noticed that Anakin was now beginning to see her point of view and hope washed over her.
Please let him understand what I am saying! She thought to herself.
"Padme," He grabbed her hands once more, "I swore to you that I would be yours, Till death do us part remember?"
She looked up at him, sensing that he didn't understand, She fought on, "Well I am as good as dead! You want kids and I am incapable of giving them to you!"
"Padme" He stated in his cool loving tone, "The only thing in the whole Galaxy I want more than kids is you. We can be happy without them, I love you. And I will always love you."
Padme gave up. He was right. She could see the love coming out of him and she should have never questioned it. She just felt so alone, how could the Galaxy be so cruel. But Anakin was right they could lead a happy life without children, but it would take a while to get over this.
She just nodded her head in agreement after her thoughts and pulled Anakin up to her. They laid in the comfort of each others love for hours, not speaking but just giving each other their love.
*****************************
******************************
A few weeks later Padme was out of the Healers and making the best recovery she could considering, she would never exactly be the same. The subject still loomed over her head and every time she was 'With' Anakin she felt empty. She laid in bed at night cuddled up in Anakin's arms. He tried to act like everything was normal, but she knew it wasn't. When they made love she didn't get the excitement and happiness she always used to, it seemed to her that she was just there.
Just there for his pleasure and her pain. Her pain would never go away. She couldn't seem to forget about it, and Anakin couldn't blame her. How can you lose something you don't even have? She wondered to herself as she got out of bed ready to star yet another day.
She rose off the bed and gathered her scattered clothes. Anakin still lay dead asleep on the bed cuddling up a pillow thinking it was Padme. She got her clothes and rushed into the Fresher, and soon exited fully dressed. She stared long and hard at Anakin's motionless form wrapped in the sheets on his bed. She saw him hug the pillow closer to himself thinking it was her, and had a slight smile pass her lips.
She exited his room into the living quarters and sitting at the kitchen table sat Obi-Wan. She froze in her tracks thinking everyone else was asleep. She had a blush come across her face at realizing Obi-Wan knew about last nights 'Meeting' But her blush quickly dissipated when she saw the body of Starr wrapped up in the sheets of Obi-Wans bed through his open bedroom door.
She walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a cup of Caff that Obi-Wan had made earlier. She started walking to the door when Obi-Wan cut her off. "He wont be to happy when he finds out you left without saying good-bye."
Padme stopped and turned back to him. "I know, But I just can't be here anymore. When we make love it's like I can't feel anymore, Like there is no reason for it, like I am only there for his pleasure, and to make my pain worse. I have to leave, I'm sorry."
"I understand" Obi-Wan replied "But he will come after you so be prepared. Oh, and I talked to the Council yesterday, they want you two to make your marriage public, don't ask me why but they just do."
Padme let out a long sigh and continued walking to the door. "I love Anakin with all my heart but for some reason this marriage doesn't seem right anymore. Like there is no point to it."
Obi-Wan stood up and walked over to the door where she stood thinking of her own words."You'll get over it Padme, It's just hard to deal with now, and Anakin doesn't mean to make your pain worse, he is only trying to help."
Padme opened the door and walked out. "I know" was all she said as she left Obi-Wan to explain to Anakin when he woke.
********
When Anakin woke he turned over expecting to be greeted by his beautiful wife. When he was greeted by an empty space where her body usually laid on her nights over, he was shocked. She never left before he woke, they always spent the mornings together, but lately she had been acting weird. Anakin figured she was in the fresher and rose out of the bed, the fresher door was open and it was clearly empty. He looked to the floor where his and her clothes were usually scattered and her's were missing. She was really gone.
********
Padme made her way to Depa and her's quarters. She sulked slowly towards her room after she had entered. She walked into her closet and got out some fresh clothes for her to switch into to go to class. Depa had already left to go into her Council meeting and Padme was left by herself. When she finished dressing she quickly combed through her hair and left to class ready begin yet another day.
She walked throughout the busy halls filled with Padawans. She knew that she would have to face Anakin in class and explain her actions from the morning. God! It's the same thing every day here! She thought to herself as she met up with Brea and Nami in front of their first class.
Class didn't begin for another 10 minutes but she enjoyed talking to them before class began. As they stood there socializing about anything that came to mind Ty and Cru walked up with the sexiest grins they could muster. It was obviously to Padme that they liked Nami and Brea. But she would never get them to admit it.
"Say Padme where is Anakin, He is usually attached to you, It's kinda weird seeing ya all alone." Cru announced as he slipped pass her to stand next to Nami.
"Um well," Padme stuttered. "I don't know, things have been weird between us lately. I left early this morning and I.."
Ty quickly cut her off with shock in his voice. "You mean to tell me you left him alone in bed this morning?" He paused a moment as the blush from the mention of her and Anakin sleeping together crossed her face.
"Do you know how hurt he is going to be?" Ty finished.
"Do you know hurt I am!" Padme shot back and rushed into the class as the doors opened. Leaving the group to wonder what bothered her and hurt her so bad.
******
Anakin got dressed in a hurry, he was going to be late for class and he wanted to talk to Padme about Why she left. He ran out of his room still fumbling with his tunic and almost ran smack into Obi-Wan.
"Sorry Master, I am in a hurry." He explained.
Obi-Wan let out a sigh and moved towards the kitchen. "It's OK Anakin, but I think we need to talk."
"But Master," Anakin interjected, "I'm going to be late for class."
"When aren't you?" Obi-Wan added with a smile. "I here you and Padme always stumble into class late."
"Not lately Master." Anakin frowned as he sat next to Obi-Wan. "She has been acting really strange since..."
"Do you blame her?" Obi-Wan added. "She has suffered terrible loss Anakin she just needs time,"
"I know, what is it you wanted to talk about?" Anakin quickly changed the subject.
"Her, Anakin." Obi-Wan answered. "I wanted to talk to you about her. I talked to her this morning, before she left. She is very depressed Anakin. And I think you pressuring her to get better and get over it is making it worse. She needs to figure things out on her own. Maybe you should give her some time to herself."
"Obi-wan" Anakin spat. "When I married her we agreed to help each other through everything, and that is what I intend to do. Don't you understand?"
"Anakin" Obi-Wan stated calmly, rising out of his chair. "If you keep pressuring her your going to break the spirit and fire in her that you love so much." He paused for a moment as Anakin got up to leave the room. "For her sake, Anakin. Let her have sometime alone."
Anakin had heard the last statement but continued to storm out of the room towards his class. The halls had cleared and everyone was already in class. He paused a moment before opening the doors, and looked through the window. He saw Padme sitting with Brea and Nami and across from them Ty and Cru. He noticed the glum look on her face and the looks of worry and confusion towards her from the others. He slowly pushed open the door and all the heads in the class turned.
"Late again I see, Anakin." The instructor announced. "Well, at least this time you are alone." The instructer shot a glance towards Padme. "But I'm afraid if you keep arriving late I am going to have to report this to the Council, Understood?"
"Yes, Master." Anakin answered as he made his way across the room to where he sat with his group.
"Guess Anakin didn't wake from the emptiness of his bed." Nami whispered to Cru. Anakin heard it but decided best to keep his mouth shut and plopped in the seat next to Padme. She pretended she didn't noticed and continued her conversation with Ty. Anakin couldn't help but get jealous at how close of friends they were becoming.
He could still sense worry seeping from Ty about Padme, obviously he missed something this morning and it involved what had happened to her, but he knew that she hadn't told them yet. He knew that before the tragic news came out they had to announce their marriage, to atleast lighten the mood.
Anakin started to feel a little better when Padme actually acknowledged he was there but was quickly put back to worry when Nami and Brea changed to the subject to 'If I had kids'. He could tell that Padme wanted nothing to do with the subject and stuck talking to Ty and Cru about recent events, she didn't mind talking about that and she was interested with what they were talking about but as their conversation went on she caught some things from Brea and Nami's conversation too.
She looked over for a brief glance at the two girls and they caught her staring.Uh Ohhh Padme thought to herself.
"Padme what do you think?" Brea questioned.
Padme gave a quizzical look and answered in a simple "Huh?"
"Ugh," Nami sighed. "What do you think you would name your kids?"
Padme faced drained at the question, she felt so empty. Anakin looked at her in shock. Uhh Oh, this won't be good, I don't think she can handle this yet.
"I uhh." Padme stuttered
"Oh, come on Padme." Brea persisted. "You have got to have something, everyone has some sort of idea."
Anakin silently prayed that the subject would changed but decided he need to act quickly before something bad happened. "Hey listen if she doesn't want to say anything then let her be OK?"
Padme gave him an evil glare and stood quickly to protest. "No stop it Anakin! Stop defending me! I can take care of myself! You don't need to be on my every move. I just want to figure this out on my own!"
By now the whole group was staring wide eyed and the pair. Ty was the first to question them. "Padme figure what out?" He placed his hand on her shoulder.
Anakin felt jealously toward him but he knew better and settled it the best he could.
"The reason I am acting weird and the reason I am not answering your questions about kids is because..." Padme's voiced died out.
"Padme?" Anakin whispered.
"Anakin, just bug-off would ya?"
"The reason is.. Because, Well first me and Anakin are married, but that's not why I am acting weird." She explained.
"What is it Padme?" Ty asked with love and care in his voice. "Are you ok?"
"No" Padme answered. "I didn't answer you question Brea because ... I am not able to have children. So I no longer think about that. I'm sorry."
"Padme, sit down please." Anakin comforted her.
"No, Anakin!" She fought back "Leave me alone!" She avoided his grip and turned and left the room earning the thankfully mostly empty classes glares.
Anakin started after her, but a tight grasp on his arm stopped him and wielded him around. "Anakin, Don't go after her, she doesn't want to be with you right now."
The voice was Brea's, trying hard to keep Anakin from making things worst, she understood Padme's pains And knew that Padme needed time to figure things out on her own, without Anakin.
"I'll go" Ty broke the silence.
"No Way!" Anakin spat at him. his jealously now proudly flaring. Ty was definitely a fine catch. He was the hottest Padawan next to Anakin, and Anakin knew that.
"I'm going Anakin, she needs a friend right now, not a husband." He shot at him as he left the room. Anakin's rage was still in the air but he understood the point and did not pursue any longer.
******
Padme was running quickly down the halls. She hadn't realized where she was going until she arrived there. The room of the Fountains. She always came here when she first arrived to have time to think to herself. Get away from reality, and have some peace.
She took off her Jedi boots and dangled her feet in the icy cold water. She was so lost in thought she hadn't even realized someone else had entered.
What am I going to do? Me and Anakin have never fought before, I hate it, I feel so bad. God why did they have to ask..
"Padme?" Ty asked as he walked up behind her.
"Uh, Hi, Ty" Padme said as she was caught off guard.
"Are you ok?" He said as he sat next to her and wrapped his arm tightly around her neck.
Padme melted into his grip. It felt good to have someone else care about her. To have a friends actually be there, someone other than Anakin. Anakin was always there, but for some reason she didn't want him there now, she wanted a friend, a true friend. And that is what Ty was, out of the group he was her best friend. He understood her and accepted her for who she was no questions asked. Padme appreciated that.
"I don't know." Padme broke into a sob.
"Shhhh." Ty reassured. "You just have to deal with reality, Padme. Despite what it throws at you. You have to beat it or it will overcome you and you will be a spiritless being. It would kill me to see your spirit broken. That is what I envy in you so much. That is what make you, you. Don't make me suffer to see you lose that."
It felt good to her not to have someone else say 'It's going to be ok' or 'You will be fine'. Because everything wasn't fine. Ty was the first one that didn't say that, but also made it seem like she could live through this, and that was what she needed.
"Thank you Ty." She whispered as she leaned deeper into his caring arms. "I will live through this. Thank you so much, I didn't feel like I could before now. I could never Thank you enough. You don't know what it's like to have people always say 'It's going to be OK' or 'You will be fine'. Because everything isn't fine, and you are the first person that hasn't said that, it means a lot to me." Padme looked up to his glowing gold eyes.
Ty reached out and rubbed her hand softly. "Yes, you will make it through this, and I will help anyway that I can, Padme I promise, and I know that everything isn't fine with you, and I wasn't going to lie and tell you that it was. I will always be here as a friend for you to lean on, especially when you get to much of Anakin's inflated ego!" Ty reassured. He managed to get a laugh out of her and he instantly was glad he was able to help her.
"Thanks again Ty" Padme said as she glanced at him again.
"Hey, I'll be here all week!" He joked.
Padme sat for a long while in the comfort of her friends arms. When finally she released that class was probably over and that he should be going to the next class before he was to late.
"You should get to Saber practice" She said interrupting the comforting silence and the crashing of the waterfalls.
"I know, Should we head back?" He questioned.
"Umm.. Actually. I don't think I am going to go to the rest of my classes today. You can just go ahead without me ok?" She answered him.
"Alright, I'll come and check up in you later ok? I'll meet you later ok?" He asked her as he stood up and reached out for her hand.
Padme reached up and grabbed his hand and he slowly helped her up. "Yea sure I'll meet you in the Gardens after dinner."
"Alright " He answered her and they walked back into the main area of the Temple.
"Bye" Padme told him
"Good-bye" he answered back as he made his way down the hall to Saber practice.
************
Ty made his way down the long corridors and arrived at the room quicker than he wished. He was already 30 minutes late for class and knew he would get lectured but he didn't care. He had to help his friend.
How am I going to explain this to Anakin! He thought as he entered the room.
"Ty." The instructor hollered across the room. "You are late, this is a warning and I hope it will never happen again." He shot him an evil glare.
"Yes, Master." He found himself imitating Anakin from earlier.
"You will be partners with Anakin for today. Since Padme never arrived. I do hope she is ok." The instructor informed him.
"Ok" Ty answered him. Oh, this should be fun. He thought to himself as he unclipped his lightsaber from his belt and walked over to Anakin.
"How is she?" Anakin asked, his jealousy showing once more.
"Actually I think she is going to be ok." Ty took out his Saber and quickly advanced on Anakin. "I must have gave her some helpful words because her spirit just lit right up!"
"Really?" Anakin asked block yet another one of Ty forceful blows. "What did you say to her?"
"Oh nothing really, but I guess it's what I didn't say the helped her." Ty pushed back on Anakin saber as it clanked to his.
"Ok then what didn't you say?" Anakin was beginning to sound very jealous at this point.
"I didn't tell her that 'Everything was going to be Ok' Or 'She will be fine', Because that's not the truth. She is not fine and everything isn't ok." He explained to a very angry Anakin.
"Oh" Anakin shot back.
"Yeah" Ty answered. "She said that I was the first person that hadn't said that and it made her feel good that I wasn't lying to her or to myself about her situation to make her or myself fell better about it. She said it meant a lot to her to hear some truthful words instead of those."
Just then Anakin's jealousy raged and he lost his balance and Ty knocked the Saber out of his hands and pinned him to the padded floor.
"Ya know Anakin." Ty stated as he got up. "I think you might just be jealous of me." He added a smirk.
Anakin didn't answer but stormed his way towards the door.
"Anakin" Ty called waiting for him to turn around. When he did he finally continued. "She doesn't want to see you right now Anakin, give her a while, alright?"
Anakin didn't answer but stormed out of the room. Ty knew that he probably would go to Padme but he did try to warn him and that was the best he could do for now.
********
Padme went to Anakin's room after she left Ty, she wasn't sure she was ready to see him yet but decided she would and went to his room to wait for him.
Padme laid quietly on Anakin's bed waiting for him to arrive and going over the past hour. What a mess! But Ty is right. And it was great to finally hear the truth, because I am not Ok. I am far from it! But I will make it through this! I have to! There are other things that will make me happy. It will just take time that's all!
Padme now laid peacefully on the bed and slowly drifted into her first good sleep since the incident when Anakin came barging into his room, wanting to plummet on his bed from frustration. When he noticed Padme's sleeping form lying on his bed his heart melted.
She isn't mad at me? He thought to himself. He quietly walked over towards his bed and sat down next to her and brushed the hair from her silky face. Her eyes fluttered open and she sat up to meet his glare.
"Hey." She whispered.
Anakin leaned in once more and brushed more hair from her face, "Hey, I'm sorry about earlier, I should have listened to you. And I know that you aren't fine, but I guess I was just telling myself that, so I could feel better. I am so sorry, Padme, can you forgive me?" He asked quietly.
"Anakin of course I can, I know you didn't mean it, it's ok. It's just I felt weird. I'm sorry." She whispered back to him.
Anakin wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a passionate kiss they were both longing for. He lowered her to the bed and kissed her again, but then a problem came to his mind
Anakin pulled away, but reluctantly, "What about Obi-Wan, isn't he here?"
Padme just laughed and kissed him again and the pulled away, "No, he and Starr umm, they went out. I talked to them earlier, when I got here."
"Oh" Anakin said with a wide grin and dived in for another kiss. Padme accepted and for the first time since what had happened to her she felt like she was actually being loved when her and Anakin made love, she didn't feel like she was just his pleasure. She wasn't sure what had changed it, but things were getting better, and she gladly accepted that.
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Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was reallllllllyy long! And to think that was onl;y 2 post from TF.net! I hope everyone replies!!!!!!!!!!!
Well dont worry.... this story has a LONG way to go.... and if your shocked by how long each chapter is .. is because I put a few post from TF.net together ....... but my story has 22 pages on the boards there... and I this one just came from page 8 so........ dont worry! LMAO!
Here it is!!!!!!!!! Oh! And this one has some A/A angst... so beware!!!
Oh! And this one is extreamly..... Long!!!!!!!
*************************
The next days came and went slowly for Anakin. Padme slept most of the time and her waking periods were short and silent, her body was still weak from the loss of blood. She would move every once in a while only to have Anakin jolt up in disappointment. He wanted to talk to her. Comfort her, but she would just fade to sleep once more.
When the sun, now an Evil blessing to Anakin, came through the blinds of the Healer window a week after she had woken from her Coma Anakin could see the color coming back to Padme's smooth face. He pulled himself slowly up onto her bed laying next to her weak form. He stared at her long curly tresses, and her silky skin. She was completely beautiful. On the outside.
She was a complete mess in the inside. And he could tell. The pain she must be going through! Anakin thought to himself.
Anakin still couldn't believe what had happened, it still haunted his dreams and his mind, he couldn't escape it, he kept wondering what their children could have looked like, and how much fun it would be to have them. She can no longer have children. He recalled the Healers words.
He remembered how he sank to his knees at hearing them and he
clamped his eyes closed and got lost in his own mind. He wanted so badly to curl up and cry, but he had to be strong. He HAD to be strong for Padme. He knew that when she was strong enough to talk about it she wouldn't take it very well, and he needed to be there for her.
His thoughts were abruptly stopped by the movement of Padme's hand on his. He looked down to her face and was surprised to see her eyes wide open and seeping with sadness. His heart melted at the sight of seeing her suffering, and he wished he could stop it, but he knew he wouldn't be able to. He looked hard into her eyes and his own started to well up with tears, just seeing the pain in her. If just seeing her pain is killing me, imagine what she must FEEL like!
Padme stared hard at his tear filled eyes and couldn't help but wonder if their children could have had his beautiful eyes. She knew that they needed to talk about this, she had been avoiding it and going back to sleep for the past week, but she couldn't sleep anymore. She needed to move, her bones were getting stiff and she needed exercise. She knew that he would bring the subject up, and soon. But she couldn't think of what to say, she still couldn't believe it.
She looked down from his lost eyes and noticed that he had gotten a new arm. Her face showed a twinge of a smile as she mentioned it to him.
"Ani, You got a new arm!" She started. "That's great."
Anakin knew that she was trying to avoid the subject of her injury and he played along. " Yep, it's just like the original one!" His mind then raced for the word of the next subject coming.
"Padme" He began once again. Padme we need to talk about this." He said as he pointed towards her weak form.
Padme to weak to avoid the subject any longer just nodded her head and sank deeper into her bed.
"It's all my fault." She stated abruptly.
Anakin stared at her tilted head in amazement There is no way she is blaming this on herself, she didn't do this!
"Padme how could you think that." He stated the obvious. "It wasn't your fault. It was the Sith... And that Bounty Hunter. They did this not you!"
She looked back into his eyes, now flowing with tears and shot back in barely a whisper. "I should have been stronger. I should have gotten away. I should have done something!"
Anakin grasped her hand tightly and answered her back in a calm soothing tone. "Padme you did all you could and that doesn't change the fact that I love you! I always will. I swear it!"
Padme stared even harder into his eyes and then looked down to his hands, tightly grasping hers. "You don't want me" She pulled her hands away from his and stared hard into his eyes.
"I'm damaged goods remember? You just want to make me feel better by staying." She shot at him once again.
Anakin stared blankly down at his wife.How could she think that. He thought to himself.
"I have nothing to live for anymore, Anakin" She started again when he didn't answer. " I don't feel whole anymore!"
Anakin felt the sorrow admitting out of her and couldn't help but choke a sob. "You can live for me, Padme!"
"But will you always be there for me? How do I know that you wont want more and then just leave me?" She noticed that Anakin was now beginning to see her point of view and hope washed over her.
Please let him understand what I am saying! She thought to herself.
"Padme," He grabbed her hands once more, "I swore to you that I would be yours, Till death do us part remember?"
She looked up at him, sensing that he didn't understand, She fought on, "Well I am as good as dead! You want kids and I am incapable of giving them to you!"
"Padme" He stated in his cool loving tone, "The only thing in the whole Galaxy I want more than kids is you. We can be happy without them, I love you. And I will always love you."
Padme gave up. He was right. She could see the love coming out of him and she should have never questioned it. She just felt so alone, how could the Galaxy be so cruel. But Anakin was right they could lead a happy life without children, but it would take a while to get over this.
She just nodded her head in agreement after her thoughts and pulled Anakin up to her. They laid in the comfort of each others love for hours, not speaking but just giving each other their love.
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******************************
A few weeks later Padme was out of the Healers and making the best recovery she could considering, she would never exactly be the same. The subject still loomed over her head and every time she was 'With' Anakin she felt empty. She laid in bed at night cuddled up in Anakin's arms. He tried to act like everything was normal, but she knew it wasn't. When they made love she didn't get the excitement and happiness she always used to, it seemed to her that she was just there.
Just there for his pleasure and her pain. Her pain would never go away. She couldn't seem to forget about it, and Anakin couldn't blame her. How can you lose something you don't even have? She wondered to herself as she got out of bed ready to star yet another day.
She rose off the bed and gathered her scattered clothes. Anakin still lay dead asleep on the bed cuddling up a pillow thinking it was Padme. She got her clothes and rushed into the Fresher, and soon exited fully dressed. She stared long and hard at Anakin's motionless form wrapped in the sheets on his bed. She saw him hug the pillow closer to himself thinking it was her, and had a slight smile pass her lips.
She exited his room into the living quarters and sitting at the kitchen table sat Obi-Wan. She froze in her tracks thinking everyone else was asleep. She had a blush come across her face at realizing Obi-Wan knew about last nights 'Meeting' But her blush quickly dissipated when she saw the body of Starr wrapped up in the sheets of Obi-Wans bed through his open bedroom door.
She walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a cup of Caff that Obi-Wan had made earlier. She started walking to the door when Obi-Wan cut her off. "He wont be to happy when he finds out you left without saying good-bye."
Padme stopped and turned back to him. "I know, But I just can't be here anymore. When we make love it's like I can't feel anymore, Like there is no reason for it, like I am only there for his pleasure, and to make my pain worse. I have to leave, I'm sorry."
"I understand" Obi-Wan replied "But he will come after you so be prepared. Oh, and I talked to the Council yesterday, they want you two to make your marriage public, don't ask me why but they just do."
Padme let out a long sigh and continued walking to the door. "I love Anakin with all my heart but for some reason this marriage doesn't seem right anymore. Like there is no point to it."
Obi-Wan stood up and walked over to the door where she stood thinking of her own words."You'll get over it Padme, It's just hard to deal with now, and Anakin doesn't mean to make your pain worse, he is only trying to help."
Padme opened the door and walked out. "I know" was all she said as she left Obi-Wan to explain to Anakin when he woke.
********
When Anakin woke he turned over expecting to be greeted by his beautiful wife. When he was greeted by an empty space where her body usually laid on her nights over, he was shocked. She never left before he woke, they always spent the mornings together, but lately she had been acting weird. Anakin figured she was in the fresher and rose out of the bed, the fresher door was open and it was clearly empty. He looked to the floor where his and her clothes were usually scattered and her's were missing. She was really gone.
********
Padme made her way to Depa and her's quarters. She sulked slowly towards her room after she had entered. She walked into her closet and got out some fresh clothes for her to switch into to go to class. Depa had already left to go into her Council meeting and Padme was left by herself. When she finished dressing she quickly combed through her hair and left to class ready begin yet another day.
She walked throughout the busy halls filled with Padawans. She knew that she would have to face Anakin in class and explain her actions from the morning. God! It's the same thing every day here! She thought to herself as she met up with Brea and Nami in front of their first class.
Class didn't begin for another 10 minutes but she enjoyed talking to them before class began. As they stood there socializing about anything that came to mind Ty and Cru walked up with the sexiest grins they could muster. It was obviously to Padme that they liked Nami and Brea. But she would never get them to admit it.
"Say Padme where is Anakin, He is usually attached to you, It's kinda weird seeing ya all alone." Cru announced as he slipped pass her to stand next to Nami.
"Um well," Padme stuttered. "I don't know, things have been weird between us lately. I left early this morning and I.."
Ty quickly cut her off with shock in his voice. "You mean to tell me you left him alone in bed this morning?" He paused a moment as the blush from the mention of her and Anakin sleeping together crossed her face.
"Do you know how hurt he is going to be?" Ty finished.
"Do you know hurt I am!" Padme shot back and rushed into the class as the doors opened. Leaving the group to wonder what bothered her and hurt her so bad.
******
Anakin got dressed in a hurry, he was going to be late for class and he wanted to talk to Padme about Why she left. He ran out of his room still fumbling with his tunic and almost ran smack into Obi-Wan.
"Sorry Master, I am in a hurry." He explained.
Obi-Wan let out a sigh and moved towards the kitchen. "It's OK Anakin, but I think we need to talk."
"But Master," Anakin interjected, "I'm going to be late for class."
"When aren't you?" Obi-Wan added with a smile. "I here you and Padme always stumble into class late."
"Not lately Master." Anakin frowned as he sat next to Obi-Wan. "She has been acting really strange since..."
"Do you blame her?" Obi-Wan added. "She has suffered terrible loss Anakin she just needs time,"
"I know, what is it you wanted to talk about?" Anakin quickly changed the subject.
"Her, Anakin." Obi-Wan answered. "I wanted to talk to you about her. I talked to her this morning, before she left. She is very depressed Anakin. And I think you pressuring her to get better and get over it is making it worse. She needs to figure things out on her own. Maybe you should give her some time to herself."
"Obi-wan" Anakin spat. "When I married her we agreed to help each other through everything, and that is what I intend to do. Don't you understand?"
"Anakin" Obi-Wan stated calmly, rising out of his chair. "If you keep pressuring her your going to break the spirit and fire in her that you love so much." He paused for a moment as Anakin got up to leave the room. "For her sake, Anakin. Let her have sometime alone."
Anakin had heard the last statement but continued to storm out of the room towards his class. The halls had cleared and everyone was already in class. He paused a moment before opening the doors, and looked through the window. He saw Padme sitting with Brea and Nami and across from them Ty and Cru. He noticed the glum look on her face and the looks of worry and confusion towards her from the others. He slowly pushed open the door and all the heads in the class turned.
"Late again I see, Anakin." The instructor announced. "Well, at least this time you are alone." The instructer shot a glance towards Padme. "But I'm afraid if you keep arriving late I am going to have to report this to the Council, Understood?"
"Yes, Master." Anakin answered as he made his way across the room to where he sat with his group.
"Guess Anakin didn't wake from the emptiness of his bed." Nami whispered to Cru. Anakin heard it but decided best to keep his mouth shut and plopped in the seat next to Padme. She pretended she didn't noticed and continued her conversation with Ty. Anakin couldn't help but get jealous at how close of friends they were becoming.
He could still sense worry seeping from Ty about Padme, obviously he missed something this morning and it involved what had happened to her, but he knew that she hadn't told them yet. He knew that before the tragic news came out they had to announce their marriage, to atleast lighten the mood.
Anakin started to feel a little better when Padme actually acknowledged he was there but was quickly put back to worry when Nami and Brea changed to the subject to 'If I had kids'. He could tell that Padme wanted nothing to do with the subject and stuck talking to Ty and Cru about recent events, she didn't mind talking about that and she was interested with what they were talking about but as their conversation went on she caught some things from Brea and Nami's conversation too.
She looked over for a brief glance at the two girls and they caught her staring.Uh Ohhh Padme thought to herself.
"Padme what do you think?" Brea questioned.
Padme gave a quizzical look and answered in a simple "Huh?"
"Ugh," Nami sighed. "What do you think you would name your kids?"
Padme faced drained at the question, she felt so empty. Anakin looked at her in shock. Uhh Oh, this won't be good, I don't think she can handle this yet.
"I uhh." Padme stuttered
"Oh, come on Padme." Brea persisted. "You have got to have something, everyone has some sort of idea."
Anakin silently prayed that the subject would changed but decided he need to act quickly before something bad happened. "Hey listen if she doesn't want to say anything then let her be OK?"
Padme gave him an evil glare and stood quickly to protest. "No stop it Anakin! Stop defending me! I can take care of myself! You don't need to be on my every move. I just want to figure this out on my own!"
By now the whole group was staring wide eyed and the pair. Ty was the first to question them. "Padme figure what out?" He placed his hand on her shoulder.
Anakin felt jealously toward him but he knew better and settled it the best he could.
"The reason I am acting weird and the reason I am not answering your questions about kids is because..." Padme's voiced died out.
"Padme?" Anakin whispered.
"Anakin, just bug-off would ya?"
"The reason is.. Because, Well first me and Anakin are married, but that's not why I am acting weird." She explained.
"What is it Padme?" Ty asked with love and care in his voice. "Are you ok?"
"No" Padme answered. "I didn't answer you question Brea because ... I am not able to have children. So I no longer think about that. I'm sorry."
"Padme, sit down please." Anakin comforted her.
"No, Anakin!" She fought back "Leave me alone!" She avoided his grip and turned and left the room earning the thankfully mostly empty classes glares.
Anakin started after her, but a tight grasp on his arm stopped him and wielded him around. "Anakin, Don't go after her, she doesn't want to be with you right now."
The voice was Brea's, trying hard to keep Anakin from making things worst, she understood Padme's pains And knew that Padme needed time to figure things out on her own, without Anakin.
"I'll go" Ty broke the silence.
"No Way!" Anakin spat at him. his jealously now proudly flaring. Ty was definitely a fine catch. He was the hottest Padawan next to Anakin, and Anakin knew that.
"I'm going Anakin, she needs a friend right now, not a husband." He shot at him as he left the room. Anakin's rage was still in the air but he understood the point and did not pursue any longer.
******
Padme was running quickly down the halls. She hadn't realized where she was going until she arrived there. The room of the Fountains. She always came here when she first arrived to have time to think to herself. Get away from reality, and have some peace.
She took off her Jedi boots and dangled her feet in the icy cold water. She was so lost in thought she hadn't even realized someone else had entered.
What am I going to do? Me and Anakin have never fought before, I hate it, I feel so bad. God why did they have to ask..
"Padme?" Ty asked as he walked up behind her.
"Uh, Hi, Ty" Padme said as she was caught off guard.
"Are you ok?" He said as he sat next to her and wrapped his arm tightly around her neck.
Padme melted into his grip. It felt good to have someone else care about her. To have a friends actually be there, someone other than Anakin. Anakin was always there, but for some reason she didn't want him there now, she wanted a friend, a true friend. And that is what Ty was, out of the group he was her best friend. He understood her and accepted her for who she was no questions asked. Padme appreciated that.
"I don't know." Padme broke into a sob.
"Shhhh." Ty reassured. "You just have to deal with reality, Padme. Despite what it throws at you. You have to beat it or it will overcome you and you will be a spiritless being. It would kill me to see your spirit broken. That is what I envy in you so much. That is what make you, you. Don't make me suffer to see you lose that."
It felt good to her not to have someone else say 'It's going to be ok' or 'You will be fine'. Because everything wasn't fine. Ty was the first one that didn't say that, but also made it seem like she could live through this, and that was what she needed.
"Thank you Ty." She whispered as she leaned deeper into his caring arms. "I will live through this. Thank you so much, I didn't feel like I could before now. I could never Thank you enough. You don't know what it's like to have people always say 'It's going to be OK' or 'You will be fine'. Because everything isn't fine, and you are the first person that hasn't said that, it means a lot to me." Padme looked up to his glowing gold eyes.
Ty reached out and rubbed her hand softly. "Yes, you will make it through this, and I will help anyway that I can, Padme I promise, and I know that everything isn't fine with you, and I wasn't going to lie and tell you that it was. I will always be here as a friend for you to lean on, especially when you get to much of Anakin's inflated ego!" Ty reassured. He managed to get a laugh out of her and he instantly was glad he was able to help her.
"Thanks again Ty" Padme said as she glanced at him again.
"Hey, I'll be here all week!" He joked.
Padme sat for a long while in the comfort of her friends arms. When finally she released that class was probably over and that he should be going to the next class before he was to late.
"You should get to Saber practice" She said interrupting the comforting silence and the crashing of the waterfalls.
"I know, Should we head back?" He questioned.
"Umm.. Actually. I don't think I am going to go to the rest of my classes today. You can just go ahead without me ok?" She answered him.
"Alright, I'll come and check up in you later ok? I'll meet you later ok?" He asked her as he stood up and reached out for her hand.
Padme reached up and grabbed his hand and he slowly helped her up. "Yea sure I'll meet you in the Gardens after dinner."
"Alright " He answered her and they walked back into the main area of the Temple.
"Bye" Padme told him
"Good-bye" he answered back as he made his way down the hall to Saber practice.
************
Ty made his way down the long corridors and arrived at the room quicker than he wished. He was already 30 minutes late for class and knew he would get lectured but he didn't care. He had to help his friend.
How am I going to explain this to Anakin! He thought as he entered the room.
"Ty." The instructor hollered across the room. "You are late, this is a warning and I hope it will never happen again." He shot him an evil glare.
"Yes, Master." He found himself imitating Anakin from earlier.
"You will be partners with Anakin for today. Since Padme never arrived. I do hope she is ok." The instructor informed him.
"Ok" Ty answered him. Oh, this should be fun. He thought to himself as he unclipped his lightsaber from his belt and walked over to Anakin.
"How is she?" Anakin asked, his jealousy showing once more.
"Actually I think she is going to be ok." Ty took out his Saber and quickly advanced on Anakin. "I must have gave her some helpful words because her spirit just lit right up!"
"Really?" Anakin asked block yet another one of Ty forceful blows. "What did you say to her?"
"Oh nothing really, but I guess it's what I didn't say the helped her." Ty pushed back on Anakin saber as it clanked to his.
"Ok then what didn't you say?" Anakin was beginning to sound very jealous at this point.
"I didn't tell her that 'Everything was going to be Ok' Or 'She will be fine', Because that's not the truth. She is not fine and everything isn't ok." He explained to a very angry Anakin.
"Oh" Anakin shot back.
"Yeah" Ty answered. "She said that I was the first person that hadn't said that and it made her feel good that I wasn't lying to her or to myself about her situation to make her or myself fell better about it. She said it meant a lot to her to hear some truthful words instead of those."
Just then Anakin's jealousy raged and he lost his balance and Ty knocked the Saber out of his hands and pinned him to the padded floor.
"Ya know Anakin." Ty stated as he got up. "I think you might just be jealous of me." He added a smirk.
Anakin didn't answer but stormed his way towards the door.
"Anakin" Ty called waiting for him to turn around. When he did he finally continued. "She doesn't want to see you right now Anakin, give her a while, alright?"
Anakin didn't answer but stormed out of the room. Ty knew that he probably would go to Padme but he did try to warn him and that was the best he could do for now.
********
Padme went to Anakin's room after she left Ty, she wasn't sure she was ready to see him yet but decided she would and went to his room to wait for him.
Padme laid quietly on Anakin's bed waiting for him to arrive and going over the past hour. What a mess! But Ty is right. And it was great to finally hear the truth, because I am not Ok. I am far from it! But I will make it through this! I have to! There are other things that will make me happy. It will just take time that's all!
Padme now laid peacefully on the bed and slowly drifted into her first good sleep since the incident when Anakin came barging into his room, wanting to plummet on his bed from frustration. When he noticed Padme's sleeping form lying on his bed his heart melted.
She isn't mad at me? He thought to himself. He quietly walked over towards his bed and sat down next to her and brushed the hair from her silky face. Her eyes fluttered open and she sat up to meet his glare.
"Hey." She whispered.
Anakin leaned in once more and brushed more hair from her face, "Hey, I'm sorry about earlier, I should have listened to you. And I know that you aren't fine, but I guess I was just telling myself that, so I could feel better. I am so sorry, Padme, can you forgive me?" He asked quietly.
"Anakin of course I can, I know you didn't mean it, it's ok. It's just I felt weird. I'm sorry." She whispered back to him.
Anakin wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a passionate kiss they were both longing for. He lowered her to the bed and kissed her again, but then a problem came to his mind
Anakin pulled away, but reluctantly, "What about Obi-Wan, isn't he here?"
Padme just laughed and kissed him again and the pulled away, "No, he and Starr umm, they went out. I talked to them earlier, when I got here."
"Oh" Anakin said with a wide grin and dived in for another kiss. Padme accepted and for the first time since what had happened to her she felt like she was actually being loved when her and Anakin made love, she didn't feel like she was just his pleasure. She wasn't sure what had changed it, but things were getting better, and she gladly accepted that.
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Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was reallllllllyy long! And to think that was onl;y 2 post from TF.net! I hope everyone replies!!!!!!!!!!!