R e d S e a

Part One

A night sky. Like gems sewn in a black velvet drape, countless of stars twinkled down at the Earth, winking at the man. Kudou Youji let the cigarette hanging between his lips burn its way to death as he looked up, suddenly remembering the days when he and a special someone used to gaze at stars every night.

He tried getting up but failed. It must have been that cheap wine. A sickening feeling rose in his chest even when he moved his head. Giving up, he lay down on the wet grass and let the starlight and the remaining dozen cans of beer be his company. Next time, they should stop at somewhere that has decent pubs. Oh well, what the hell, it was summer, too nice and hot for anything to happen to him. If anything happens, all the better. He looked down at his hands, opening and clenching tight the palms that held and treated many women the way there weren't supposed to. Men like him were scum, it didn't matter that much if there was one less scumbag in this world.

Youji heard the familiar sounds of a certain tuned engine coming his way, but he couldn't get up. From where he sat, he grabbed an empty can of beer and tossed it into the air, hoping to catch the driver's attention. The Super Seven slowed, then stopped beside him. He winced at the low light that was blinding his eyes despite the sunglasses.

When someone plucked the cigarette away from his lips, lifted him by his underarms and dragged him into the car, all Youji could do was laugh and choke on himself.

'You gonna stop 'ere? ... I hurled you up four flights first time we met and did jus' fine.' Youji mumbled as his friend pulled up the car beside their M-CAT but didn't move since then. 'Maybe your name isn't de only gal thing 'bout you.'

His friend only frowned, turned around and produced a plastic bag from the backseats. He took out a bottle of water and a towel, wetted it and tossed it onto the half-drunk's face. 'Get yourself sorted before you go in. You'll wake everyone up.'

'Yea, always full of reasons. Go drink with me once, I wanna see if you're still like that when you're up to your brows with alcohol.'

Fifteen minutes later, after Youji made sure he would not throw up, they were back into the M-CAT. The taller man dropped into the first couch he saw, and closed his eyes.

He liked sleeping. Most of the time, when there was alcohol in his veins, he could sleep dreamlessly. Like death, he could just close his eyes and die. Die and then resurrect in the morning, pretending he was renewed, fooling himself that he was a whole new being. This was the only way to go on, to live on.

But sometimes, he wondered what if he didn't wake up.

'Aya-chan~~~'

Ran's eyes snapped open. The endless blood pool was replaced by a nicely painted ceiling and the man beside him was not the Schwarz redhead but a stranger with wavy brown hair and deep-set emerald eyes.

'Yo!' The young man grinned. He was Kudou Youji, the first member of Weis to properly introduce himself to Ran. Always quick at integrating people into his friendliness, Youji filled him with information before Ran asked anything. What Weis was, what he was. Like always, Ran just walked away, uncomfortable with anyone who showed him kindness. Getting carried up four floors, sleeping in someone else's bed and being watched over, or simply getting inducted to his new job by what seemed like an overfriendly attitude just made Ran want to leg it as soon as possible. The way to do it? Mutter a few cold words or grab someone by his collar and shout.

Since young, everyone looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

'That's Fujimiya's kid. God knows what's with his hair and eyes...'

'Oh, he is such a cutie! But he's so pale!'

'Maybe he's got some genetic diseases.'

'Neh, you're just weird!'

When they smiled or laughed, were they laughing with him or at him? How would he know? How could he stop them? The only way he knew was to stop socialising. Shunned because he looked different, young Ran grew to into someone who seldom showed any emotions. When people could no longer provoke him, they would soon be tired of their games and stop their comments and bullying.

'Aya-kun, can you please pass me the map?'

'Uh...' Snapping out of his memories, Ran rummaged around the cabinet then tossed the road map to Omi.

'Thanks!' The boy smiled brightly, large, ocean blue eyes bright and beautiful.

Ran muttered something incomprehensible, then returned to the task at hand.

He wanted to smile at Omi and say something in return, but because he never used to let anyone know how he felt, so he didn't know how to do it now. Weis were one of the only few people who didn't look at him differently, along with Aya-chan. He wanted to let them know he liked them. However, Ran hardly ever used words to express himself since young, he only felt himself clumsy and idiotic when he tried to explain himself to anyone, so the best he could do as an occasional crooked smile.

Aya-chan said that he looked funny when smiling. Even he thought the same, but his sister explained that was because he didn't let himself go completely. If he was still afraid of being looked at weirdly or being laughed at, if he thought people were nice to him so that they could worm under his skin and destroy him from inside, he would never be able to smile naturally. But that was what happened, he had always given the cold shoulder to anyone who was nice to him, because he knew they weren't supposed to be nice. They always had something they want from him or had a scheme going on. They just wanted to use him. He was a killer; no one was supposed to love him - not even like him.

'We've got at least another hour down this motorway, Ken-kun. Then we'll see the exit for the other motorway.'

'Okay,' At the wheel, Ken sighed a little. He didn't even bother changing out of his sweatpants since he woke in the morning. 'You just keep checking that map.'

'... Want me to take over?' In the main body of the trailer, Ran looked through the little window on the door that connected to the driver's area, putting hands in his pockets. He knew Ken didn't like driving very much.

Ken glanced at him then kept his eyes on the road. 'Nah, why don't you check on Youji? I'd rather drive than to take care of that guy. He's probably awake with a migraine now.'

As if on cue, Omi handed Ran a tray of milk, bread, and strawberry jam. 'Are we just going to leave him like this? I don't think Youji-kun's drinking habits were that bad before.'

'What can we do? Lock him in?'

Ken shared Omi's concern but felt powerless to do anything. As a friend, he ought to help Youji, and it wasn't like he didn't try, but Youji, being the man he was, always just dismissed the entire matter. And there was only so many times a friend can try before finally feeling that his help was not wanted and Youji would rather dwell on and live with his anguish.

'Watch your back before you talk about anyone, kiddo.' Youji appeared, hands holding onto a doorframe to keep himself steady. This was one hell of a headache he had, and the movement of the M-CAT certainly did nothing to help. 'Shit, my head's about to blow.'

Ran motioned Youji to sit at the table at the corner and set the tray down. 'It's normal.'

Youji looked at the food, groaned a little because he didn't feel like eating, but ate anyway. 'Normal, huh? You try feeling your head's blasted by an AK-47 all around and tell me again if it's normal.'

'If you drank like a fish the night before, it's normal.'

The hand opening the strawberry jam bottle stopped. Youji looked up at Ran warningly but stayed silent.

'Let's just let Youji-kun eat his breakfast first.' Omi flinched, hastily getting up to go to the cold room. Seeing his friends fighting was the last thing he wanted. 'I need some help with the roses, Aya-kun. I think the bulbs got over-chilled and we better take them out before - '

'What has it got to do with you?' Youji mumbled to Ran, chewing on the bread. His other hand gave Omi a wave, reassuring him that they were not going to fight.

Ran put his palms on the small table and leaned forward. He half glared down with his violet eyes, and his voice was colder than he had intended it to be. 'When it's affecting everyone else, it's got a lot to do with me.'

'Yeah yeah, get a grip, Youji, I know that.' Youji smiled uncaringly and gulped down the milk. He could flip and begin a useless argument right now but he couldn't be bothered to shout when his brain was still bashing around in his skull. 'Easier said than done.'

'I don't see you trying.'

Finishing, Youji got up and took the tray, strolling away in his slept-in blue shirt and black pants. Just before he left the room, he said,

'You don't see anything at all.'

Youji studied his reflection in the glass. His clothes were creased, his face was pale and his hair was messed up. Hell, his life was messed up; Ran had a point there. But he knew nothing. None of them understood anything and Youji wouldn't try to explain because it would hurt and they still wouldn't get it anyway. He knew they wanted to help... but there are things in life that not even one's closest will understand. They would be supportive, but once they find out Youji would never recover completely, they would eventually see Youji's lack of strength as pathetic self-pity.

And it wasn't self-pity Youji felt - it was self-resentment.

'Youji-kun?' The door opened with a quiet click and Omi stepped in, whispering as though afraid that he would disturb Youji's trail of thought.

'Man, these bulbs are frozen!' Youji reached into the glass cupboard and took out one still-to-blossom white rose.

Omi scratched his head and smiled gingerly, trying to look like Ken. 'Shall we hurry up and take them out then?'

'They're as good as dead. They're never gonna open.'

'Eeps.' Omi grimaced. Aya-kun wasn't going to be happy about this. 'So we throw them away?'

Youji shrugged, shutting the cupboard with a backhanded push. 'Aya'll notice if a bunch of roses suddenly goes missing. Let's just leave them chilled in there for now and see how long this will go unnoticed.'

He grinned evilly, giving Omi a pat on the shoulder before flopping into the nearest piece of furniture. He pressed fingers on his temples and rubbed them in small circles, trying to ease the headache that was taking its time to go away. When a bottle of painkillers appeared over his shoulder, he smiled thankfully.

'Aya-kun told me to give it to you.'

'Ah.'

'You're not angry at him?'

'Why should I be?' Youji sighed. He was the one in the wrong, not Ran. It would be pointless to direct his anger at the man when he was just trying to be a friend in that unfriendly manner of his. 'Now go, the old man needs some shut eye.'

Omi glared at Youji unbelievingly. 'But you only just woke up!'

'You'll understand when you reach my age and have a hangover.'

The younger man walked around the couch, plopping down right beside Youji and looking into the green eyes. 'How about not getting a hangover, then? I don't mean to sound like Aya-kun, but we - '

'I'd be really worried if you start to sound like him.' Youji chuckled. Omi sounding like Ran would be worse than Ken proposing to a chair. 'Look, just let me sleep.'

Omi got up, feeling slightly disappointed. It was obvious that Youji was avoiding the main point of discussion and seeing the state he was in, Omi didn't want to push further, even though it was this very matter that made Youji so low. Friends-wise, he could not bear to see Youji drinking himself into a pulp at least once a week, and for Weiss this was just a plain bad thing to happen. Real bad.

Sighing, Omi left the way he came.

Ken listened to the quiet rustling of trees outside, mutely wondering why they were heading back to Tokyo. The soda in his hand had already stopped fizzing and he poured it away with a frown. 'Good thing never lasts.' He whispered to himself.

'Yeah.' Tapping a cigarette out from his pack, Youji spoke. Ken jumped, not realising his friend's presence. 'But that's what makes good things good.'

'Whatever.' Ken shrugged, tossing the empty can into the bin. He cursed when it hit the edge and fell out instead of in.

'Where're we going, Ken?'

'Tokyo.'

'Why?'

'Manx told us to.' Ken rolled his eyes when Youji gave him a questioning look. 'You weren't here when she spoke to us.'

'Oh.' Youji muttered as he pulled the cigarette out with his lips and opened the exit door.

'Now where're you going?'

Youji pulled a face, a lit lighter in hand. 'Outside.'

'Oh, outside. Where about? Hawaii? Scotland? Lala-Land?' Ken walked towards his friend in the darkness. 'You better not get drunk, mate. We're sick and tired of your attitude. I don't want to see Aya getting up at wee hours to pick you up and anyway, we've left your car in the last town we stopped in and we aren't gonna drive a whole freaking trailer to pick you up.'

Youji thought for a moment and decides to avoid discussion his problem with alcohol. 'Well I don't know about you, Ken, but sleeping with three other guys isn't my ideal way of living. Perhaps you don't need to get laid but I do. So I'm going out. Stay put with the trailer until I get back.'

Ignoring Ken's protests, Youji shut the door behind him. He needed to go out and prove to himself that he wasn't losing control. If he knew what he was doing, then he wouldn't need the alcohol afterwards.

Youji still kept these thought in mind whilst kissing and sucking the lips of the woman who had her body pressed tightly between his and her wardrobe. She was an old acquaintance of his, nothing more. Youji had friends living in this town but he didn't want to risk the friendship, even though he told himself the whole time he would not do that again.

He wouldn't repeat it.

And he did.

He watched in morbid fascination as the naked woman underneath him suffocated. She kicked frantically and tried to yank Youji's hands off her throat but the man was too strong for her.

Damn you, Asuka. You belong only to me.

He saw Asuka struggling beneath him, eyes almost bulging and her face an unnatural deep red.

If you'll never love me, then die.

He withdrew his hands when sharp nails dug deep into his skin, waking him from his... what, dream? Illusion? Or imagination?

The woman was unconscious. With shaking hands, he tucked her into bed and left. For the nearest pub.

He did it again. Youji was scared of himself. Was this Asuka's curse that he would always see her in another woman, always want to strangle her to death, always having to relive that selfish, sickening moment when he killed her not for justice or revenge, but only because she didn't love him?

Youji looked up at the crescent moon. He was no doer of justice or bringer of death. He was only a lovesick psycho.

[onto part 2]