Spoilers: The Entity
A/N: Um.... hey, Chapter Three! Ta-da! Nothing to say at this point. Disclaimer at the beginning, I suppose. Okay, actually, yes there is. I quite agree with the reviewer who said this was rather out of character for Sam. She's not really the running away type, is she? But hopefully it's not too much out of character for this to be totally unbelievable.
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Janet, eyes lowered and voice tempered, had casually suggested that the Colonel drive her home.
Daniel had chimed in immediately, sitting next to Sam on the infirmary bed and reaching out to touch her hand. '' That's a good idea.''
Sam, fixated by the feel of Daniel's hand on hers, simply stared at the human contact as if it was the be all and end all of her world. How strange were human hands... Four fingers, one thumb. Hard little nails, wrinkles, blue veins, dips and bumps and excess flesh. Daniel's fingers were currently dirty, black ink prints on his thumbs from the books he'd been reading recently. Sam's fingers were immaculate. Short nails, white tipped, fair skin, pale from spending too much time inside.
'' .... that, Sam? The Colonel will take you home, then,'' Janet said decisively, snapping her clipboard together. '' Perhaps he could stay for a while, too. Help you settle in. Colonel?''
Her CO spoke for the first time. '' Sure.'' His voice sounded rusty and unused. She knew he was looking at her hard, but she didn't know why. He had this awful, awful look in his eyes and Sam wasn't quite up to emotions just yet, she didn't want to think about why he was looking at her like that.
'' Well. No time like the present.'' Janet smiled at them all. '' Teal'c, perhaps you could wheel Major Carter to the elevator? Just .....''
Sam's attention was drawn to the lights. She'd been staring at the lights before. If you stared long enough, the light became everything, a blinding synthetic whiteness. So very beautiful, the edges tinged with all the colours imaginable.
'' .... an honour, Doctor Fraiser.''
Not protesting as she normally would have done, Sam hopped off the bed she had been residing in for a week, recovering from a malady no human on Earth had ever experienced, and sat down in the wheelchair.
The Colonel walked beside her, not saying anything, his presence soothing. He helped her out of the elevator and she smiled her vague thanks to Teal'c and Daniel as she walked into the elevator.
The silence on the route up was unpleasant. The elevator hum wasn't quite loud enough in Sam's mind, which was a problem. '' I was in here at one point,'' she said suddenly, jerkily.
He blanched and looked at the ground.
Not understanding, just yet, about why he was taking this so badly when everyone else seemed only to be relieved, she reached out and just grazed his elbow, aware as she had always been aware that contact between them was fleeting. '' Hi,'' she said simply.
He gazed at her, his expression suddenly raw, eyes burning with intensity. '' I-''
The elevator pinged at their destination and she looked up, through the opening doors. He had lost the impetus to talk, apparently. '' Is my car still here?''
'' Yeah. We'll take mine.''
She shrugged, able to agree with him. The idea of him folding himself up into the driving seat of her car was slightly ridiculous and had she felt able to hold a long conversation she would have shared it with him. He didn't look up to talking, either, though, and she watched him carefully as he walked slowly with her to his truck.
The car journey was better for Sam. Noises, loud ones. The radio, the indicator, people outside the drawn down window. The sun came out between bursts of cloud and the heat on her skin was a delicate, lovely thing. She felt almost at peace, but for the quiet, intense presence of the man next to her.
She turned her head to look at him, admiring his profile, found herself admiring the aesthetic qualities of his appearance. She loved his hair best. No, maybe his eyes. Okay, they were pretty much top equal on the Jack O'Neill list of attractions. She loved his height, too. She'd always found it difficult to find men taller than her - she'd tried dating men shorter than her but it was often awkward and uncomfortable, for both sides. Besides, she had this inbuilt belief that said the right man for her would fit her perfectly, that if he held her he could hold her tightly, her head could come down on his shoulder at just the right angle and it wouldn't be uncomfortable. She didn't know when she'd noticed that he had that quality, but she certainly knew it for sure now.
Just as she knew that he was the right man for her.
Vaguely, Sam knew this wasn't something she'd admitted to herself before. Whether it was the re-booting of her brain that had triggered this epiphany, or perhaps just the trauma involved in being trapped inside her own body, she didn't know. All that mattered was that for this brief moment, at least, she realised that this man was her future. This man who was quietly torturing himself over what he had to do for duty.
They pulled in front of her little house and he turned the engine off, unclicked his seatbelt, and then couldn't seem to move further. '' Carter, I-'' he began, then faltered, shook his head. '' Never mind, never damn mind.''
She watched her hand drift from her own thigh over to him, watched her fingers slide into his hand, saw his face soften. '' Hi,'' she said, smiling openly at him.
Jack O'Neill turned to look at her. '' I killed you.''
Oh, yes, so he had.
She had a strange, flickering image of him holding the zat up at her, aiming, but then there was nothing but the rush of what she assumed was the computer mainframe, strange, flashing images from terminal screens, video security and her consciousness scattering I AM HERE. Screaming...
'' You're never going to think otherwise are you?''
He shook his head, smiling tightly, his hand squeezing hers. '' I saw you die. I killed you. You died.''
'' Guess I'm a ghost, then.''
He swallowed. '' It sure feels like it.''
She wrinkled her nose, reached down to unclick her seatbelt. '' Guess I'll have to prove it to you, then.'' So saying, she climbed up onto her hands and knees and crawled over to him, slid a leg across his lap, straddling him. Sam took great delight in the way he sucked in a shocked breath, his eyelids fluttering. The physical contact was more intimate than they'd ever had, even as Jonah and Thera, and his hands went to her thighs, unconsciously shifting her closer. '' Feel real, yet?'' She shifted her hips deliberately, rotated them so his head dropped back against the seat rest and his back arched, hips jerked against her ever so slightly.
Lust, desire, deep, low feelings she hadn't felt in so long flowed through her blood. Blood that was organic.
'' Sam, this isn't you...'' he managed on a moan.
'' I know. Maybe tomorrow I'll be shocked at myself. I'd take advantage of this, if I were you,'' she whispered, grinning and kissing his forehead, the little crinkles that said he was confused as hell. '' You did the right thing, Jack. The entity could have done anything. It could have set off the self-destruct, blown the mountain to pieces and all the people inside.'' Her hands came up and stroked the sides of his face, watching as he eyes tried to take in everything she was doing at once. '' But, that's all beside the point. I'm alive. I'm right here.'' She reached down and picked up his hands, drew them to her chest so he could feel her heart beating, then, mischievously, she drew them down over her breasts.
His mouth gaped a little, a rush of breath leaving in shock and excited pleasure, his eyes leaving his hands briefly to look at her. '' Sam...''
'' What? You think we're going to have sex in a car? Don't be ridiculous. We're way too old for that,'' she chastised him.
His hands were cupping her breasts, his eyes now fixated on them. '' Well, you've kinda gone and got my hopes up there, Sam.''
She giggled. '' Do you mean to tell me that if I dragged you into my bedroom right now, you'd just give in?''
Jack's response was immediate, and honest. '' No, you're in no state to make that kind of a decision.''
'' See? Gentleman that you are, you'll wait until, I don't know, next week. When I'm feeling better.''
'' Next week you'll be mortified.'' His eyes went to hers. '' Next week you won't want to remember.''
The possibility that that was true shocked her cold. Her faze outs, her delightful little forays into a dreamy state of wakefulness... this did have all the qualities of one of her more lurid fantasies. '' I'm sure I...''
'' You're traumatised, Sam. This isn't you. This is... the you that wants to re-experience everything.'' Quickly, he lifted his mouth to hers and kissed her, a little open mouthed, a little slip of his tongue, enough for her heart to skip a beat. '' Just for the record, I want you to remember that what we have is nothing to be ashamed of.''
'' And, just for the record, if next week I hate myself, remember that deep down I know I'm in love with you.''
His reaction was swift. His hands swiftly moved up to cup her face, draw her closer for another kiss, this time more involved, this time a kiss to end all kisses, his mouth slanting over hers, tasting her completely, turning her insides to jello and her heart into a hammering unstoppable thing. '' I love you too,'' he whispered, over and over and over again.
*
Gasping, Sam threw herself upright in her tiny bed. She'd had that dream before, and it had always caused her to react in the same way. Her heart was literally trying to get out of her chest, hammering so hard she thought it would break something, burst a vessel. Hot and bothered, more than a little turned on, she fanned her face repeatedly, pushing the sheets down off her body. Her insides were still squirming, as if he'd been there right then, putting his heart behind a kiss she'd made up.
Hadn't she?
The weeks after the entity had snatched her body were very disorganised in Sam's mind. Her waking state had been full of strange images, daydreams. She'd see snippets of people walking down corridors, in offices, working away in the labs and realise that they weren't her memories. Sometimes she'd zone out for a few minutes, sometimes she'd drift off into a strange sort of waking sleep. The first time she'd realised that, possibly maybe, the dream she had repeatedly of her taking advantage of her CO could have been real was when Janet had told her he'd taken her home that first time.
And, just as he'd told her in the dream, she'd been mortified.
His attitude towards her when she'd come back to work had been the usual concerned, sarcastic, joking, serious mess that it usually was. She'd sought his face for some kind of recognition of the words she may or may not have said to him, and his own response, but had dubiously concluded that she must have dreamt some if not all of it.
It just wasn't her, was it? Climbing onto him, teasing him that way. Oh God, she was getting hot again....
Strange that dreaming of him put her into a state of amazing sexual frustration. If they ever did the real thing...
Not good, not good, she thought, getting out of bed and slipping her feet into a pair of shoes. Sam left her room and, more importantly, the bed behind as she shuffled into the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. Cold, icy cold, water.
The sunflower on the wall told her it was half past four, not too early in the morning considering how early she usually woke up. She shouldn't have been surprised she wouldn't sleep well, and that dream always visited in the most awkward of situations. She'd once had it off-world, lying right next to him and he'd reached over to touch her in concern and she'd got out of that tent so fast he thought she'd been having a nightmare. He came after her, his concern so plain on his face that she'd have laughed if she hadn't frantically been trying to avoid his hands. He'd been so hurt by that night, by her perceived rejection. After that she tried not to sleep next to him, always putting at least Daniel between her and him, maybe even Teal'c if he felt like sleeping.
Sitting down at the small table, Sam regarded the beads of water on the outside of the glass, watching them tremble and succumb to gravity. Maybourne. Maybourne.
Perhaps it wasn't shocking that she was considering his offer. The sight of an ex-Air Force officer had sent her mind into what could conceivably be called confused turmoil. Her bubble had been popped, neatly and efficiently, in true Air Force style. Sam Carter was exposed to the real world now, the real world, not the normal world, because there had never been a normal world for her. That was for people who didn't know what was out there.
The Goa'uld were out there, and now they were down here. It was something she'd been consciously not thinking about, not thinking about the greater good of mankind, of Earth, of the fight she had sworn to fight, the duty she'd sworn to perform for her planet. If anything, the people on Earth were in a bubble, a lovely bubble where reality had no part.
She pushed aside the glass and lowered her head down onto her folded arms. Absent without leave. She never thought she'd see the day when Major Samantha Carter gave in to a personal problem and let it overwhelm her.
Oh well done, Sam, well done. Way to go.
What had she done?
Right, enough was enough. Decision making time. Fast decision. Stay or go?
Go.
Well, that was easy enough. But which path did she take? Did she help out Maybourne in a plot that dubious, devious and probably very illegal, all on the remote chance he would get her back into the SGC without a hitch? Hmm.
Or did she give in, turn on her mobile phone which had lain dead and uncommunicative at the bottom of her sports bag and call up her CO, or Hammond, even Daniel. Did she give in the hard way? Take the legal route, the route she clearly deserved for breaking regulations and upsetting everyone she knew.
Well, Sam?
What are you going to do?
*
The answer machine. Of all the ironic....
'' Hi, this is Jack O'Neill. Leave a message after the tone.''
'' Colonel, this is Carter. Hi!'' Hi? You ran away from SG-1 and all you can say is 'hi'? '' Look, I've just met Maybourne and he has this deal for me. Apparently there's a Goa'uld running around and he wants me to catch it for him. Just wondered what you thought about this idea, considering I'm technically AWOL and have spent the last three weeks working in a bar off of Route...'' She paused, decided it wouldn't be a good idea to give that away, just in case the bar got in trouble for housing a criminal. '' Well, suffice to say.....'' She stopped, as the connection jumped.
'' Hullo?'' a breathless voice said, panting down the phone. '' Hullo?''
Sam stopped. The voice sounded... sounded distinctly female but she tried just in case, '' Colonel?''
'' Um, no, no, this is Sara O'Neill. Who's speaking? Damn, I don't suppose you know how to delete messages do you? Ah-hah! There it is, sorry about that. Jack's not... able to come to the phone right now - is it urgent? I mean, is it work? He is on official vacation.''
Sam couldn't speak. She was speechless.
What the fuck was his ex-wife doing in his house?
That thought, vilely bitter and furious against a woman she knew little about, certainly had no cause to dislike her on personality alone, drove Sam into automatic. '' I'm sorry, of course. I'll call some other time. Thank you, Mrs. O'Neill.''
'' Well, if you're sure...''
'' I'm sure. Sorry to bother you.''
The woman laughed lightly. '' Oh, no bother. Good bye.''
'' Bye.''
Sam found herself standing in the middle of the gravel car park with no idea how she'd got there and no idea what to do. Calling Colonel O'Neill had been her last option, her last chance. She knew he could keep her secret, she knew he would know what the score was. Even he had contacts. The President loved him, for Christ's sake. If anyone could help her, he could.
But he was unable to come to the phone. Why? What was he doing? She hadn't said he wasn't there, he was out buying marital groceries, just that he was 'not able to come to the phone'. What did that mean?
Must not jump to conclusions, must not jump to conclusions.
Could it be... no.
No, that was ridiculous.
A month out of the picture and he was shacking up with his wife?
As he had an absolute right to do. The mother of his son. His wife. Ex-wife.
WHATEVER.
She about turned in the car park, the gravel grinding underneath her sneakers. Furiously, she marched ten steps forward, then spun on her heel and marched back, ordering herself to think about work. Work, work, work. She would think about this issue later, later when she was free to... panic.
Why the hell was he on 'official vacation' - what could only be downtime? Unless they'd been on some hectic mission without her. SG-1 minus Sam Carter. Oh God, was that the way it was going to be?
Focus, Samantha. Pull yourself together.
She couldn't call Hammond. She could not and would not put him into that position. Ditto Janet. Daniel would be useless - he wasn't military and he would just tell her to come home where he'd... make her a mug of coffee and tell her it'll be fine. Well it wasn't going to be fine. She wasn't an idiot. She was in trouble, trouble of her own making. Correction: she was an idiot. This was the stupidest damn thing she'd ever done.
'' Your energy is astonishing. It doesn't surprise me that you're such an effective member of the SGC.''
Sam stopped abruptly and glared at him. '' Where did you come from?''
'' I rented a room. I've been watching you from up there for the past half hour.'' Both of them glanced up to the white painted building behind them, where several windows looked down into the car park. '' I imagine you called O'Neill.''
She looked down at the cell phone clenched tightly in her fist. '' He wasn't there. I got... his wife.'' Why was she telling him this?
Maybourne smiled, tilted his head to the side. '' Shame. Of course, they can trace that, you know.'' He held out his hand. '' Best give it to me.''
Not listening to her instincts, Sam handed over the cell phone. He pocketed it. '' What now?''
'' Now, a road trip. Bathroom break's not for another two hours. You might want to go before we leave. Your bag's in the front of the car.'' He nodded to the pickup truck.
She watched him amble over to the truck, and wondered if she was insane.
Hey, that was an idea. She could claim insanity. Mackenzie was sure to back her up.
So thinking, Samantha Carter said goodbye to her home of less than a month and walked over to work side by side with the enemy.