Chapter III

Frodo dashed into his bedroom. He was oblivious to the noise of someone searching the other rooms.

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"I will kill that infidel!" Pike raged. "I will ripoffhisheadanddrinkhisblood!"

She was nearly unintelligible as she raved, however someone seemed to understand.

"That's not very nice," Vi scolded, pulling Pike away from the doorframe.

"He touched me, which is unforgivable!" Pike snarled, trying to pull away.

"Didn't you listen before? You are no match for me," Vi said. "Now go back to bed, and don't you dare hurt Frodo."

"HE TOUCHED ME! HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH ME! I AM A PRINCESS!" Pike roared.

"Get a life! He touched your cheek!" Vi said. "It's not going to kill you. Now, go back to bed and I'll go talk to him."

Pike snarled and headed back to Bilbo's room, and Vi went in search of Frodo. When she found his room, she knocked on the doorframe and called out "Frodo?"

"Yes?"

"Pike is out to kill you, so watch out!"

"Is that so?"

"Why do you sound so calm?"

"Because I plan to win her over with my unparalleled cuteness."

"Good grief," Vi sighed. "What part of 'Pike is trying to kill you' do you not understand? She isn't playing around."

"Deep down, I'm sure she is very nice and insecure, so she hides herself behind a wall of violence to protect herself."

"Frodo, I think the nice, insecure part of Pike died when she was about three. Be careful, I can't protect you all the time," Vi said, starting to leave.

"Thank you for your concern, but I think I'll be alright."

"If you say so. Goodnight, Frodo."

"Goodnight Vi."

Vi sighed and headed back to Bilbo's room, falling asleep quickly.

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Frodo woke up and went to check on the princesses. He looked into the room and was surprised to see no one there.

He headed into the kitchen and looked out the window, and saw Cap and Aqua walking and talking.

I wonder if Pike is really trying to kill me, Frodo thought. Just for touching her cheek? He went around making his breakfast, eating when it was done.

Gandalf barged into the house and stuck his ugly mug into Frodo's face.

"Is it secret? Is it safe?"

"Here, look!"

Frodo showed Gandalf the ring. It was a ring.

"Take it! I'm giving it to you!"

"I DARE NOT TAKE IT! DO NOT TEMPT ME WITH YOUR SUCCULENT HOBBITNESS!"

"Okay."

Frodo put the ring back in his pocket.

"It cannot stay in the Shire," he said.

"No! No, it can't!"

"What must I do?"

"You must take it away," Gandalf said before the four princesses barged in.

"Where is Mr. Frodo going?" Aqua asked.

"To Bree. He must get the ring out of the Shire. But he can't travel alone. Can I trust you to help him?" Gandalf asked, warily eyeing Pike.

"Don't worry, we can take care of him," Vi said, and as an after note, "and keep an eye on her." She gestured to Pike.

"I'll be waiting for you at the inn of the Prancing Pony," Gandalf said.

There was a rustling in the bushes behind Frodo's window.

"Get down!" Gandalf said.

Frodo dropped to the floor. Gandalf grabbed a collar and pulled a person into the kitchen. A quivering, fat hobbit lay on the floor.

"Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee!" roared Gandalf.

"I swear I didn't hear anything!" Sam whined. "That is, I heard a good deal about a ring, a dark lord and the end of the world. Don't hurt me! Don't turn me into anything unnatural." ****

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Five minutes later, they were all standing in a forest.

"We will meet in the inn of the Prancing Pony," Gandalf reminded them. "Do not put the ring on, Frodo. The birds and the bees are watching."

Pike snorted, and Vi slapped her upside the head. The six then started walking, eventually arriving at a cornfield. Partway through, Sam stopped abruptly, causing Aqua to fall down.

"What!" Aqua demanded impatiently. "Why did you stop?"

"If I take one more step, I'll be farther out of the Shire than I've ever been before."

Frodo looked understanding, but all of the princesses looked annoyed.

"Get a hold of yourself!" Pike said, shoving past him. "It's only a cornfield."

"Go Sam!" Aqua and Vi laughed.

Sam took a deep breath, and stepped past the cornfield. Vi clapped and cheered, causing Pike to roll her eyes, and Sam to blush. The six of them then carried on; Pike and Vi in the front, followed by Frodo and Sam, with Aqua and Cap taking the rear. At nightfall, they stopped for a rest. Pike volunteered for first watch, Vi for second.

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The next day found them walking through more cornfields.

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam screamed, starting to run, his fat flying around everywhere. "MR. FRODO! Where are you?!"

"Sam, calm down," Cap said soothingly.

"I'm right here, Sam," Frodo said, popping out of the cornstalks. The situation may have been commented on if the ambush had not taken place.

Merry and Pippin chose that moment to come barging through. Merry landed on Frodo, while Pippin flew onto Cap, face a bit below the shoulders. It was a miracle that Pippin came out in one piece.

"Ack, where is that little molester?!" Cap screeched, blushing and trying to attack Pippin.

"Eeek!" Pippin squeaked.

Aqua held Cap back, and said, "Don't kill him, it would be an unwise decision."

Cap calmed down and apologized to Pippin. Vi was laughing, almost doubled over.

"Children," Pike muttered.

"You've been into Farmer Maggot's crops!" Sam said accusingly.

Merry and Pippin shoved the veggies into Sam's hands and took off. The rest followed.

"It was only some potatoes!" Pippin shouted.

"And some cabbage!"

"Oh, and those radishes…"

"And carrots!"

They suddenly stopped. Sam ran into them, and his chubbiness sent them all flying over the edge of the cliff.

"Ouch," Vi groaned, rubbing the end of her spine.

"I think I've broken something. Ouh." Merry pulled a carrot out from under him.

"Look! Mushrooms!" Sam exclaimed.

Merry and Pippin dashed after him, falling upon the fungi.

"What's so fabulous about mushrooms?" Aqua said, dusting herself off.

"They probably think they're magic or something. Did you see them jump on them? Trying to sniff them as fast as possible?" Cap rolled her eyes.

Vi laughed.

"Get off the road!" QUICK!" Frodo exclaimed.

The six of them jumped under an old rotten log, pressing themselves against the dirt. A black rider leaned down above the log and sniffed. Merry threw a bag of mushrooms to the side, drawing the Black Rider towards it. They took that opportunity to run deep into the woods.

"What's going on?" Pippin asked tiredly, sitting on the ground.

"Those Black Riders were after something," Merry said.

"We need to get to the inn of the Prancing Pony. In the village of Bree," Frodo told him.

Merry nodded. "Right. Bucklebury Ferry."

They started running.

Author's Notes: Lalalala. We don't know what to say.

OUTTAKES!!!! (From the paragraph with the star)

"Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee!" Gandalf roared.

"I swear I didn't hear anything," Sam whined. "That is, I heard a good deal about a ring, a dark lord, and the end of the world. Please don't hurt me! Don't turn me into anything unnatural. And succulent hobbitness."

"Yum."

"I'm psychic," Sam explained.

"Oh, yes?"