R e d S e a

Part Four

The water was warm, Youji could even feel it's tenderness seeping through his diving suit as he glided in it, breathing through a regulator and looking on with the help of an underwater torch. Very soon, he found no use of the torch anymore and tucked it back into place in his belt. He did not come down to the water for its scenery of corals and aquatic animals - anyone wanting to see those would not come at this hour of the day - but for the calmness it brought to him. He could be somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, not weary of a haunting spirit or anything else that wanted to suffocate him, or the fact that he was probably the one suffocating not only the women but also his friends.

At one time Youji wondered if life felt like this in a mother's womb, just floating in the warmth and be protected. This was wrong entirely, he knew it, he was only protected because his friends would always be around, fully aware of the dangers of hidden currents and changing tides. They tolerated his juvenility and couldn't bring themselves to just let Youji scuba dive on his own. But it was fine by him, his friends would stay at a distance, just watching and minding their own business. Unless they use their communication device, no one could hear what each other was doing, and it was this promise of silence that Youji returned to again and again, feeling himself renewed every time he comes back to the surface.

Renewed, at least to a certain extent.

Youji found this to be the substitute for alcohol and slumber.

But Neu never did let him go. Her endless challenges to his sanity was breaking him, and superstitiously, he believed breaking Asuka's Tokyo University mug had released Neu's spirit, despite Ran's sure words: what's dead, is dead.

Ran, his companion this day, had switched his own torch off when Youji did to his, as a respect to his need for darkness. It was unsafe, of course, to do this, but it could be part of their under water training. Who could predict what conditions they would operate in? After perhaps fifteen minutes, though, the redhead flashed his light and pointed at his gauge, and then the regulator, an indication that they should leave because they would soon run out of gas in their tanks.

Youji got changed in time just to take a call on his mobile phone from Omi and Ken, insisting that they have sushi and sashimi for dinner.

'Well, you kids come out and we'll go someplace together.'

'Please, Youji-kun! Buy take-out!'

Youji mumbled. 'You shouldn't make your elders do degrading things of buying food for the well-bodied, lazy bunch. I'm an old man...' He paused, grumbled, and changed his mind. 'Oh hell, I'll treat.'

Standing by Youji, Ran almost snickered at the predictable final reply. They had to get home and clean up anyway, so it was best to buy take-out and then go back.

'Those two's probably been watching those cookery competitions on TV again. It's always on Sundays.' Youji snorted as he pocketed his phone, but the prospect of food after sports was good and upon discovering they had no cash, they found a bank and went through the swipe-card door to the cash dispensers.

Ten minutes later, the two of them were sitting down by the cash dispensers as Youji laughed. 'I always imagined what it'll be like when you get a power cut whilst getting money in the bank, you know? I thought they probably have back-up power so that you don't get locked in.'

Ran looked at the door, whose locking mechanism refused to work without electricity, and shook his head slowly. This was the type of lock only Omi could open, and without power, not even Omi could do it.

'Well at least I got my cash before it all went dark.' Youji laughed again and called Omi and Ken, telling them the situation. They said they would get help for them quickly, but with the town in a little chaos that power cuts always bring, it might take a while before help arrived.

Youji tapped a cigarette out of his pack, and then realised that smoke detectors often worked on batteries, and he would be trapping the poor redhead in a haze of smoke in this little room, so he sighed and gave up.

Ran studied this series of little movements, and a question, for once, came out before he knew he was speaking. 'Why do you smoke?'

'Why don't you?' Came Youji's quick reply. 'And don't tell me the bullshit about health reasons. If you're worried about your health you wouldn't own a sword.'

Ran thought about it.

'One can say I'm choosing death by lung cancer but hey, even though it's not the most dignified way to die, it's at least more normal compared to getting a bullet in my head.

'Most things are a matter of choice. I chose to hang around the girls, to smoke, and you chose not to; Omi chose to use darts and explosives whereas Ken prefer using his strength.' Youji played with the packet of cigarettes in his hand, not looking at his friend. 'Say, why did you choose to believe what I said the other day, whereas Omi and Ken chose to think I've gone nuts?'

Ran juggled the words in his mind, trying to say something that made sense, and he eventually opted for silence, fearing that he would sound idiotic. Oh, if Aya saw this, she would rant at him about being unwillingly withdrawn again. But when he glanced at Youji, the taller man had that 'I'm-still-waiting' look on his face, helpfully forcing him to put his thoughts into speech.

'We're different people in the same world, but not necessarily the same reality. You see her, I don't, it doesn't mean you're lying.' Ran took a breath. 'Even if she isn't real, even if she is your imagination, you live it as if she is in your reality. To you, she is real. That's all that matters.'

It took a while to realise Youji was staring at him, and he bowed slightly, hiding his eyes under red bangs. He felt idiotic - who in the world would understand a theory like that? He perhaps was really damned for silence forever.

'You didn't believe me, then.'

Ran looked up again. 'No, I don't believe she's there, but that's not to say you're lying.'

Youji chewed his lip.

'You must accept before you can believe, but acceptance can't guarantee belief.' Ran whispered as if telling a secret he didn't want the security cameras to pick up. Could they pick up sounds? He didn't know, but their lifeless lenses peered down at him like dead eyes and that made him feel so uneasy.

Or maybe there was another reason for his discomfort, but he would not admit to that because he wasn't aware of it yet.

Youji blinked a few times, then mopped his hair away from his eyes and chuckled. 'Acceptance is good enough.'

He made his way across the cold floor to sit beside the redhead, and without a further word between them except for the comment 'hope I don't need to piss before someone opens the door', they fell asleep despite the unnerving feelings of being watched by cameras or a woman's spirit.

By the time they woke and got out of the little room, Ran knew his reason of nervousness. It wasn't because of mechanical eyes that recorded their every move, or a restless ghost that Youji said to have seen.

It was just because of Youji.

He had a dream.

Pale corpses floated in water. Hundreds of them. They had been burned and cut, but somehow Youji knew they felt none of it - they were dead before anything was afflicted onto them. They were suffocated to death. Their cooling blood oozed out of the dead bodies, tainting the water with red. Youji found himself imagining how a paintbrush cleanses in a jar of water, red paint mixing into purity in an irreversible action. The sea could never be the same again.

Then he was dunked under.

Youji kicked and swam, trying to go down deeper to avoid the crimson tide that was reaching for him from above, but without his diving gear, he couldn't go deep and couldn't breathe. He must go up.

When he looked up, he saw through the red haze of blood water, and saw every down-turned face of every corpse.

Every single one of them. Eyes closed or open, lips parted in a final scream or shut tight, fists clenched or loose, hair tied or cut short.

In the water, Youji screamed, but he couldn't hear himself. There was only silence.

Every single one of them had Asuka's face.

He screamed and screamed. But no one heard him. Not even himself.

Ken paused at the doorway, deciding if he should enter or leave. Chocolate brown bangs shielded eyes that darted from one side of the room to the other, curious but not wanting to disturb. His experience of living with his friends told him what he saw or heard was not normal, or at least unusual.

'... I drank night and day, like there was no past and no future to me.'

And then Ran looked up from the coffee jug, violet eyes holding Ken's own, silently offering hot coffee, so Ken knew it was okay for him to step in. Ran took another mug and continued on as he poured the brown caffeine liquid.

'... And then I realised drinking only made me think more.'

At the couch, Youji nodded slightly, then shifted to let Ken sit down. Ken twitched a little, not used to hearing Ran leading a conversation, especially one that centred around himself. Looking closer, Ken could see dark circles under Youji's eyes.

'Um? What's up?'

'Uh, you look dead tired.' Ken peered a bit closer at Youji. 'Why don't you go to sleep?'

Youji hesitated in answering. He took a mug from Ran, inhaled the vapour deeply like he would to a cigarette, taking his time as if, Ken noticed, seeing if he should answer that simple question at all.

'I'm getting recurring dreams.' Youji shut his eyes and kept breathing in the warm scent of caffeine. 'If I sleep, they come. It's been the fourth night. Aya's just keeping me occupied so that I don't fall asleep again.'

'But you have to sleep sometime!'

'You don't understand what I'm seeing, Ken...'

'Well you haven't told me yet.'

Not when Ken didn't even attempt to understand that he was seeing Asuka, Youji knew there was no point explaining. He shook his head, ending the conversation.

Ken snorted. So the drinking wasn't the problem after all. And there he was, so delighted to find that his friend found a hobby in scuba diving, thinking that it would help him take his mind off things.

'Look, you're the one who said I don't understand, but you don't even want to explain it to me. What am I supposed to do?' Ken got up.

'Nothing.'

'Say that again.'

Youji sighed. 'Just leave me for a while, KenKen. I'm sorry.'

Ken wanted to say more, but held himself back when Youji leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs, looking more than tired. He looked weary of everything around him. He knew Youji wasn't a man who gives up easily. He had his own way of dealing with things, and Ken was no one to judge if Youji was handling it the right way. Most importantly, as long as Youji knew Ken was there to help, Ken could stop worrying because although Youji didn't like asking for help, being the survivor he was, he was someone who knew his own limits.

'I'm going back to sleep. Look... if you need anything, I'll be around.'

'Thanks.'

Ken glanced at Ran, who gave him an affirmative nod that he would take care of Youji, before he left.

'And then what happened, Aya?'

'... Where was I?'

'Drinking. Did you take up the sword after that?'

Ran shifted a bit on the couch. 'I did kendo in school, so...'

Youji smiled, helping his friend to continue. 'So it was natural.'

Ran closed his eyes, recalling how he received his first sword. It felt like it only happened yesterday, but also as if it never happened. 'Kendo helps relaxing the mind... most sports do.'

'But I don't know if I want to get into the water again.' Youji drank his coffee, hoping the caffeine would still have some effect on him. His eyelids were coming down and his mind was shutting off. The redhead's voice sounded like he spoke under water.

He was suspended in the water, he couldn't go up, couldn't go down. The blood was getting thicker, the redness was diffusing its way towards him. Faces of the corpses above him were soon hidden by the red veil. Yet he could still feel their eyes looking down at him, accusing, cursing, unforgiving.

And then, through the thick glue of red blood, a pale, almost white arm stretched out for him. The palm was wide open and it pushed through the redness, coming closer, closer...

He screamed again, but no sound came out. They were coming for him, they must be coming for him, they would strangle him the way he did to Asuka and to all the women he bedded.

Youji's face snapped up.

Ran was studying the Chinese writings on his mug, not looking at Youji as he spoke. 'Ken is right. You can't stay awake forever.'

Youji rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm. 'Sorry. What were you saying?'

'Asking why you don't want to dive anymore.' Ran put down his coffee quietly, his voice in a whisper. 'But it's not important. You must rest.'

It was only then that Youji realised he never described his recurring dream to his friend. Ran hadn't known what was going on all along but he sat here, helping him to kill time. Why, wasn't the redhead interested?

'It's to do with my dream. I hope it isn't a bad omen.'

The only response he got from Ran, who suddenly got up and walked towards him, was a well placed back chop that knocked him into peaceful unconsciousness.

[onto part 5]