Spoilers: Seth, The First Commandment, Cold Lazarus.
Rating: PG-13
A/N: Oh! Oh! Jack's nearly here!
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*
Jonas's memorial service was held outside the SGC so his family could attend. Sam went, of course. Jonas's mother had phoned up, asked especially for her, said she'd always wished Sam could have been her daughter-in-law.
It rained.
By the time she got back home, Sam was drenched, despite her raincoat and umbrella. She stripped off her clothes steadily as she walked from front door to her bedroom, then she stood under the scalding hot shower and cried for her ex-fiancé.
Three messages on her answer machine: Daniel, Colonel O'Neill, Colonel O'Neill.
She smiled slightly at the last message - '' Captain, if you don't take tomorrow off I'll lock you in the trunk of my car and abandon you in Utah.''
Utah? she thought, shaking her head. The guy was nuts.
She picked up the phone and called Daniel, just for a chat. She'd gotten to really like Doctor Jackson over the past few months and at the moment she felt he, at least, would have some empathy with how she was feeling. Then again, he was still in love with his missing wife, whereas her feelings for Jonas had long since reached that stage of ambiguous confusion.
'' Sam? Hey, how are you?''
'' Fine.'' She pulled her robe-covered legs up onto the sofa and stared down at her bare toes. Knowing herself, she would have painted them four colours by the end of the evening and then resorting once again to her normal nude look. Besides, it was kinda against regulations. '' His memorial service was today.''
'' Yeah. Was it... all right?''
Leaning forward, Sam picked up a couple of magazines that were lying on the floor and she threw them onto the coffee table. '' About as all right as a memorial service can be when the person you're remembering is your ex-fiancé, Daniel,'' she said dryly.
'' I'm sorry, Sam, that was...''
'' No, no, Daniel, it's not your fault. Anything exciting happen at work today?''
'' Changing the subject already?''
'' I just want to talk to someone about something... normal, for a change.''
'' Normal? SGC normal?'' He laughed, and she joined in. '' Oh, Jack just came in.''
'' That's nice, Daniel.''
She could hear murmuring in the background, then, '' He says 'hi'. No, actually, now he wants to talk to you.''
She raised her eyebrows, but didn't have a chance to question what her CO wanted to talk to her about, because he was already on the other end, '' Carter?''
'' Sir, I got your messages.''
'' Good - just checking. So we won't be seeing you tomorrow.''
Sam grinned at the half-order in his statement. '' No, sir.''
'' Atta girl.'' He sounded pleased and she told herself it was because he was concerned for her. '' Want to speak to Daniel again?''
'' No, it's all right. Tell him goodbye and I'll see you all the day after tomorrow.''
'' Okay. See ya, Carter.''
'' You too, Colonel.''
*
The phone was just sitting there.
Maybourne had left only thirty-five minutes before, according to the loudly ticking clock on the wall. Dropped her off in the apartment, given her the keys and a cute, mocking salute, and said he'd see her around. Like he was James Bond, or something.
Sam automatically pictured Maybourne in a tux and shuddered. Shaken, not stirred.
So very, very wrong.
Once she'd investigated every inch of the apartment - and, let's face it, there weren't many inches to it - and made sure there wasn't a bug, camera or anything else, she'd sat down to take a moment for herself. To collect, so to speak. Here she was, Samantha Carter, in an apartment rented by Maybourne (or not?), with a file just by her knees that depicted her new identity.
It was a tiny apartment but, frankly, she'd seen worse. Hell, she'd lived in worse. In the corner, there was what someone would no doubt claim to be a 'kitchenette' - a stove, a stainless steel sink, small refrigerator/freezer, and a microwave. The patch of linoleum around that area separated it from the vaguely blue carpet of the rest of the room. In the far corner, by the window, was a queen sized bed, a bedside table with a lamp. Against the other wall was the living area, where Sam was sitting. One sofa, one sofa chair, and a coffee table.
Already, Sam was mentally redecorating. The place needed shelves. Pine ones. Books. A TV, for God's sake. A nice rug, something colourful. Better curtains that, you know, blocked out the streetlights rather than just dispersed the light slightly.
The phone was still there.
She wished she had her laptop. Or a computer, even. Any computer. Somehow the place would look more like somewhere where Sam Carter might live. Even if she'd lived in places like this in her earlier twenties. Actually, she and Jonas had shared a place only a little bigger than this. Their first place, all they could really afford considering Jonas's tendency to seriously blow his money when out with his friends. Back then, of course, being young and immortal, Sam had thought it exciting, fun, dangerous. And Jonas had certainly been that last thing.
Thinking of Jonas made her miserable; it always did. Just the sound of his name brought up memories, both good and bad, that Sam had learnt not to dwell upon. Age and practise had taught her that the best men were the ones who could make you feel like they were dangerous when inside they were responsible, respectful, kind and passionate. Perfect.
Pouncing, Sam grabbed her cell from the coffee table. Maybourne had to have left it there for her deliberately and she wasn't too keen to know the reason why.
Fumbling, she switched it on, waited in agony. She dialled the Colonel's home number as soon as she could and stood up, nimbly avoiding the unfamiliar coffee table. She walked away from the windows, towards the door as the phone rang. And rang. And rang.
Then it stopped. Sam held her breath.
Someone cleared his throat. '' O'Neill.''
So overcome for a moment by the sound of his voice, Sam felt her knees weaken. She was unable to speak.
'' Hello?''
'' Colonel,'' she managed on an out-breath.
'' Carter? Carter, is that you?''
'' Hi.'' There it was again. The word that she never meant to say. '' Hi, how are you?'' She turned against the wall, pressing her forehead against the pale paint and wishing she wasn't such an idiot.
'' How am I? How am I?'' Colonel O'Neill raged in ascending tones. '' How the hell do you think I am, Carter? My fucking second in command disappears off the face of the earth and you're asking my how I am?''
'' I know, it's a stupid question. I'm in Denver. Maybourne...''
'' Maybourne!''
She laughed, stupidly. '' Maybourne. God, I'm killing myself here, do you know? This is so not who I am. I don't know why I even called you. God knows what you're going to do now. I'm sorry, Colonel. It's an awful situation to put you in.'' She slid down the wall, giving in, finally, to her legs' protests. Somehow she felt like she could deal with the situation a whole lot better on the floor.
'' Where are you? Denver? Where in Denver? I'll come and get you.''
'' No, no, you can't. I've got.... work.'' Sam smiled foolishly, wished she could tell him that his voice was making her insides squirm, that she'd like it more than anything for him to ride to the rescue and take her home with him.
Sara.
She was sure there was a tactful way to bring the topic up. For her, his second in command, to demand the reason for his ex-wife being at his home.
She was sure there was. It was just the Sam didn't know it.
'' I... called before.''
'' What? When?'' he said, his voice distracted.
'' Day before yesterday. No, yesterday.'' She shook her head. '' It's getting confusing. Your wife picked up.'' Damn, she'd missed out the 'ex'. Perhaps it was a sign.
On the other end of the line, however, there was a distinct, definite pause.
'' Right.''
No denial. No instant claims that she 'had just dropped by'. Just an acceptance.
Sam waited that extra beat longer, mentally pleading with him to make up some pathetic excuse just so she could agree with him and they could move on.
But he didn't.
'' Carter, I want to see you.''
She was shaking her head, then realised he couldn't see her. '' You can't. Do you know.... Maybourne told me that there's a warrant out for me now.''
'' You're AWOL. At first we thought... maybe you'd got hurt. But some of your clothes were gone. Your car. A neighbour of yours saw you leave suddenly that night. Why the hell did you leave?'' he hissed.
'' You forget my birthday.''
Sam cringed, pulling the phone away from her ear. She couldn't believe she'd just said that. That had been the last thing she'd wanted to say. What was she? Fifteen? That was the year her father had forgotten too. A running theme, it seemed.
When she put the phone back to her ear, he was speaking again. '' - didn't.''
'' Sorry?''
'' I said, I didn't.''
'' Yes, you did.''
'' No, I didn't,'' he repeated quietly. '' I kept waiting for someone to say something. I've got your damn present here, for God's sake. But no one said anything and I didn't want to be... the one.''
'' You didn't want to make the first move,'' Sam said coldly.
'' No.''
Well, there was only one thing to say to that, then, wasn't there?
'' You bastard.''
She could almost hear him run his hand through his hair. '' Carter, you know why I.... you know,'' was all he could say.
'' Oh, come on. A damn birthday present. You could have left it on my desk, for crying out loud.''
'' I wanted to give it to you face to face.''
'' But you didn't give it to me. You let me think... '' Were these tears? she thought wildly, a hand going to her face to touch the strands of wetness. Good God, was she crying now? '' It's not fair.''
'' No, it's not fair. Tell me where you are.''
'' Some tiny apartment. With no bathroom,'' she added, suddenly noticing. '' Damn. I don't think I have a bathroom.''
'' You've only just got there?''
'' Well, yeah, Maybourne only came and enrolled me......'' Too late, she thought, sucking in a breath. Where the hell had that Air Force mentality gone? She was just blurting out random, stupid things now. Hell, if she did go back, they'd have to send her to boot camp.
On the other end of the line, the Colonel was carefully sorting out his words. '' I'll come to you. I won't tell anyone,'' he said in deceptively calm tones.
'' Not even Daniel and Teal'c?''
'' I can't anyway. We're on downtime for another two weeks. Teal'c's off on Chulak. Daniel's practically living on base, and besides, he's not speaking to me.''
'' He's not? Why?''
He ignored her. '' Tell me where you are. I can be there in about an hour and a half.''
She swallowed, looked around the room. '' I don't know where you're gonna sleep,'' she said pathetically.
'' I'll bring a sleeping bag. Tell me where you are.''
Sam crawled forward, her boots dragging on the carpet as she pulled the file towards herself. Flicking open the first page, she read off the address quickly, before she changed her mind.
'' Okay. I'll be there soon. Stay right where you are. Don't move.''
'' Colonel?''
'' Yeah?''
'' Can you bring some food? Chips or something?''
For the first time, he laughed almost inaudibly. '' I'll bring food.''
He had no idea how good that laugh made her feel. '' Bye,'' she whispered.
'' I'll see you soon.''
They hung up. Sam even turned her cell off. Actually, as she was looking at it, though it was the same make as her cell, it wasn't actually the same phone. It was brand new. The screen wasn't scratched, the buttons weren't worn. The flap opened smoothly. Could it be that Maybourne had got her a new cell so she couldn't be traced? That seemed almost... trustworthy. Like this was the real thing.
Nervously, Sam looked at the folders sitting on the coffee table. More information. More clues.
The real thing.
There was a Goa'uld out there.
*
'' This is new. Who are they?''
She didn't look up from her computer screen, her mind still running over the figures, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. There must have been some variable that she had missed out, or had changed over the past three days. '' Who are what?''
His fingers snapped in front of her face. '' Carter, attention, please.''
Rolling her eyes, she dragged her attention from the screen, swivelling on her stool to look at him. '' What is it, sir?'' The 'sir' only just making the question respectful. She didn't know what the hell he was doing there, but it had become a recurring theme in the past couple of months. He'd drop by for no apparent reason and just linger... ask her questions, touch things, generally be a pain in the ass.
He probably did it deliberately, just to get out of doing paperwork. And no doubt with Daniel, too. It wasn't as if she was special.
Colonel O'Neill grinned that smile that had been known to charm nurses out of the big needles. It had a similar effect on Sam, though she chose to put it down to the fact that her father and the Colonel shared some... character traits. He pointed to something on the wall questioningly.
Sam leaned a little to her right and smiled. '' My niece and nephew.''
'' You have a niece and nephew?''
She nodded. '' Yes. My brother's children.''
'' You have a *brother?*''
Again with the nodding.
'' How did I not know this?''
She opened her mouth to say she had told him once, but realised, actually, she hadn't. She'd told Jack O'Neill II. '' My brother and I haven't spoken since before his children were born.''
The Colonel put his hands in his pockets. '' I guess I figured you were an only child. Like me.''
Sam shook her head. '' No. My father and my brother don't get on. He.. blames, blamed, I don't know, Dad for my mother's death. So does my dad, but that's not the point. He never really forgave Dad for putting the Air Force before us. The mission with Seth - you remember?''
'' It was only last week, Carter,'' he said dryly. He tapped the side of his head. '' Brains not that far gone.''
She blushed a little. She hadn't meant it like that. '' Selmak requested the mission - she wanted Dad to mend his relationship with Mark.'' She flicked a smile at her CO. '' Said it was irritating her.''
Colonel O'Neill smiled again, this time a less exuberant, slightly more sensitive version. '' The trip to San Diego?''
She hadn't thought he'd have noticed that, but then, he always noticed more than he let on. It was probably a training technique - let the enemy underestimate you. Though, thinking about it, she wasn't the enemy, was she?
'' To see Mark and his family. Clare, his wife, sent that to me. They're pretty great.''
'' Cute. The girl looks like you.''
'' Uh-huh. Talks like me too. Bigger words than her brother and won't shut up.''
He laughed, hands in his pockets as he looked at the photo she'd tacked to her wall. '' The boy looks like your dad.''
'' It's the eyes. He has Carter eyes. Everyone on the Carter side does, except for me. Mom's genes won out in my case.''
'' Charlie had brown eyes.'' He said so calmly, so matter-of-fact, that Sam didn't immediately connect.
'' Brown eyes are dominant,'' she said automatically. She'd been thinking a lot about family in the past few days, going through old photo albums at home, with her dad, and by herself when he'd gone.
Then she realised what he'd said.
Somehow, Colonel O'Neill voluntarily giving information up about his son, seemed to be a major breakthrough in their relationship.
Hell, it had only taken them three years to get to this stage. Who knew, in another three years, where they would be?