R e d S e a
Part Eight
Irrational anger was welling up inside Youji, and he felt himself shaking from it. This, from Ran of all people. Speaking as if he knew it all, as if he knew how it felt when there was no way out, as if he knew the fear of destroying everything he touched.
"In the water, who do you want the person who reached for you to be? Neu, or me?"
As if Ran could offer his hand and end this torture, as if he loved Youji enough to accept the man Youji had came to despise - himself.
White knuckles showed when Youji reached for the kitchen counter and gripped it hard, trying to stop his hands from shaking as he began to lose control. His vision was blurring, and he realised with a start that it was because of angry tears. "You don't understand! Just leave me alone!"
"Tell me what I don't understand."
Youji had pushed himself off the kitchen counter, and he walked towards the redhead, his body taut with a rage that was greater than any he had ever felt. Ran stood his ground although he could not guess what Youji would do, because he had said so much there was no way back.
"Be fair to Asuka too. Don't think of her as the monster the Takatori's turned her into, and let the dead rest." Ran could almost hear Youji's mental state cracking like thin ice, and he walked upon it, knowing he would fall right through. There was only one choice - to move forward. "Tell me, what do you want? What do you really need?"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"
Not even with his years of assassination experience could Ran had expected the way Youji tackled him to the floor, like a tiger jumping onto him and pinning him down, ready to bite his neck and kill him right there. A rush of panic hit him when he saw a flash of silver - the wire. The moment Youji's arms pulled, Ran's air supply was cut off.
Youji was yelling for him to shut up, but Ran could not hear him anymore. He gripped the wire but could not exert any strength in this position, and very soon he could not even see his attacker. Then Youji let go of the wire and grabbed Ran's face instead. Before the redhead could catch a breath, his head was slammed onto the floor, knocking the last bit of air out of his lungs.
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! YOU DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT ME!"
Waves of pain from the head had paralysed Ran's body as his head hit the floor again and again. Any coherent thoughts left in his head splintered into a million pieces. It was all happening too fast, he was completely overpowered.
"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"
That was the last thing he heard before consciousness slipped away from him.
Frantically, Youji lifted Ran from the floor and carried him to the couch. He pressed his fingertips on Ran's hair and felt around. No bump. He tried putting more pressure on it, and no reaction came from the redhead. At least he did not wake up from pain, so there should not be any series damage to the skull.
Youji's hands were sweating. He gripped the redhead's shoulders and shook him. "What the hell have I done? Aya! AYA! Fuck it, WAKE UP!"
There was no response from the redhead. He could not have done anything serious - could he? If it was just a painful impact that knocked Ran out, it should not take too long for him to come around again.
"In the water, who do you want the person who reached for you to be? Neu, or me?"
He understood the words. He knew what Ran meant.
But did it matter anymore? He has hurt yet another person who tried to love him.
"AYA!" Youji slapped his friend's face gently. "COME ON!"
Ran's eyes suddenly snapped open. They were blank for a moment before they focused on the face hovering above, then Ran sat up, instinctively moving himself into a defensive position.
Youji thought he was going to cry from relief. He moved and settled on the couch behind his friend. "Don't move, Aya, let me check your head."
Flinching from Youji's touch, Ran quickly remembered what happened. He was talking to Youji. He said too much. Youji jumped onto him like an animal onto its prey. The attack. Youji tried to strangle him. His hand unconsciously moved to feel the skin of his neck. Nothing there.
Youji once explained his weapon to Ran. The wire had three parts to it - the start of it was attached to a needle that could do damage just by having it shot out from the watch. That was followed by around a metre of thin, sharp wire that could cut skin and flesh, and finally, a stronger, thicker section that was used to strangle and tie.
It was his luck then that Youji chose to use the strangling part instead of slicing his throat open.
"There's a mark on your neck, but it'll be gone in a couple of hours." Youji explained, his fingers reaching into Ran's hair again, pressing here and there. "Does any of this hurt?"
It did, but not the sort of pain that came from cracked bones. Youji then proceeded to rub the back of Ran's head with the heel of his palm to minimise any swelling that could start.
"Sorry, Aya. I don't know what happened... I lost control."
"I know." Ran tried not to wince from the pain in his head. "But I did bruise your hand last time. Call it even."
"You knew? Huh, too hard to hide things from you."
"Same to you, although you're very blind sometimes."
Youji laughed dryly. Nothing more was said for a few minutes, and the painful throb in Ran's head had began to die down.
"What happened to your hair, Aya?" Youji asked as he withdrew his hand from Ran's red strands. "You never changed your hairstyle before."
Ran sighed inwardly at the loss of the head massage. "Things change. People grow and change with it. Life is about resolutions, decisions."
"So you're growing out your hair - "
"I'll be growing it as long as my resolution stands. I'll cut it when a decision is made."
Youji's words were gone from his lips. He stared at the red hair, knowing that Ran was waiting for a response. He felt glad that the redhead did not turn around to look at him, or he would be lost for words forever.
"It's not worth it, you know." Youji whipered, a mixture of shock, regret and... warmth rising within his heart. He did not have it in him to take what was being offered anymore. He could not afford to lose this friend. He would hurt Ran, just like he did to Asuka and many others.
Youji stood. He could not carry on with this conversation anymore. "I'm sorry." He headed towards the door for some fresh air and space to think.
"Youji." Ran did not expect himself to say this much, but he expected this answer. He never thought it would be easy. "You said you strangled the women you slept with. Tell me, why did you do the same to me?"
"... I don't know."
"Be fair to Asuka too. Don't think of her as the monster the Takatori's turned her into, and let the dead rest."
"Neu."
Yes, Youji forgot the ending of the tale. There was Hope at the bottom of Pandora's Box. He had it in his hands all along.
"Neu, talk to me."
"In the water, who do you want the person who reached for you to be?"
He had the answers to Omi and Ran's questions.
"Tell me, what do you want? What do you really need?"
He had to learn how to love again. To love without bringing pain to himself, and without hurting anyone.
The room was silent. He knew he would never see Neu anymore.
"You said you strangled the women you slept with. Tell me, why did you do the same to me?"
He took a cigarette and left the trailer to smoke, leaving the pack on the coffee table, knowing that another hand would be taking from the same pack later.
Somehow, he did not mind the idea.
Ran looked out the window, and finally realised they have stopped at the carpark of a gardening superstore. Thinking about it, Ken did say that they were running low on the compost again. The storeroom was too little to have much stored at any a time, so they had to top up the supplies very frequently. Ran took the opportunity to open up the back of the M-CAT and let the plants get some sunlight. He began to water the plants one by one, and took out the flowers to trim the stems and pull off dead leaves.
He paused when he saw an empty space in one of the glass cupboards.
He fingered the cold, misted glass. The roses were gone. Those red and white rose bulbs, although already too chilled to ever open, were beautiful in a strange way. Somebody must have -
"I found dead roses in there, Aya, can you believe it? Somebody must've left them in the air-con cupboard and killed them." Ken called, pushing a trolley filled with bags of compost towards the M-CAT. "Help me with these, won't ya?"
Ran shrugged, and began loading the bags into the trailer, careful not to rely too much on his injured leg. "Ken, about those roses... what did you do with them?"
"Threw them away! What else? Put them here as exhibits?" Ken replied, wiping off sweat that broke from all the compost carrying. "They might still be in the bin there, actually, if nobody emptied the trash." He pointed at a large rubbish bin to the side of the cooling cupboard.
Without another word, Ran walked to the rubbish bin and examined its contents. Sure enough, the roses were inside, dead bulbs shrivelling up, shying from any attention.
But one was different. Ran pulled out one red rose. It had began to blossom, blood red petals spreading open once returned to the warmth of the real world.
Ran smiled.
Birman's gaze, like her voice, was gentle and comforting. Black hair that was tucked behind ears fell to frame her face as she bowed her head to examine the wound. The skin around the wound had dried and shrivelled up, bits of red scalp tangled with dead skin. The surrounding flesh was an angry red, and the wound itself was still too tender to touch.
"What did you treat it with?" She wiped the area with antiseptic and then began re-bandaging the wound.
"Tobacco." Ran did his best to give a reassuring smile when Birman winced at the word. "And the usual things when we got the supplies."
"I did once hear that one can use tobacco that way. I just never thought of trying it."
"Youji's a firm believer of the miracles cigarettes can bring." The redhead sighed exaggeratedly, making Birman laugh. "It worked, though."
"Does it tickle now? Tickling is a sign of the healing process."
"No," Ran rolled down his jeans when she was done wrapping up the leg. "Not yet, and I'm already dreading it."
"Remember: don't scratch." Birman held the door open. "I'll see you next week. Do you need a lift?"
"They're waiting outside." Ran looked at the time. No matter how much he enjoyed Birman's company, it was late and the rest of Weiss would be waiting for him to go to dinner. They said they would be going to Pizza Hut, apparently to "show the waitresses Youji's new haircut and watch their reaction".
Ran was not the only one with a new resolution, afterall.
"See you next week."
He was waiting to take the elevator to the ground floor when Birman found him again.
"Hey, Aya." Her smile was almost like a grin. "Just want to say that you're talking more than you used to."
"Aa." Was he? Ran did not realise.
"I'm just glad to see you happy." For a moment, Birman looked almost like Ran's little sister. "Did something great happen?"
The elevator had arrived, and two Kritiker agents came out. They recognised Ran and greeted him. Ran greeted back politely.
"Well, Aya?" Birman asked again, not letting go of the question.
Stepping inside the elevator, Ran could feel the start of a smile on his face as he replied, just before the doors closed.
"I guess you can say that."
[end]
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