*
*
*
Knocking.
*Knocking*
Knocking?
She sat up shakily, hands braced on his rapidly rising and falling chest. It took her a couple of moments to get her breath back. "Who the hell is that?" she whispered, using one hand to wipe across her mouth, swollen and damp.
His hands were halfway up her ribcage and slowly moving down, fingers dragging at her heated skin. His eyes were closed, face scrunched up. "I cannot believe this."
The knocking continued.
Reaching over the bed, Sam grabbed her top and struggled into it. It was inside out but at the moment she didn't really care. She scrambled off of him and padded over to the door. Close up, she couldn't feel anything unusual. "Who is it?" she called.
"Sam? Sam, is that you?
"Daniel?"
"Of course. Daniel," came a severely disgruntled voice behind her.
Sam's fingers went to the locks, only stopping when she heard a hiss behind her. She glanced back over her shoulder and saw he was pulling a T-shirt on. "One moment; I'm just getting dressed." She scurried back over to the bed and yanked a sheet off, dodging her CO and throwing it over the couch. Behind her, the Colonel was folding up the jeans that she'd only just pulled off, trying to make the bed look as though he and his 2IC hadn't just been rolling around in it.
For God's sake...
She ran her hands over her hair and blew out a breath before pulling open the door. "Daniel!"
The relief in his eyes was tremendous. "Sam!"
*
She didn't think she'd ever seen a man cry like that before. Carters weren't exactly known for their extreme emotions and while there had certainly been some shouting in her household as a child, tears from either her father or brother had been very rare and only in extreme cases.
Sam went to crouch down next to him, regretting now her decision to come and see how he was. Impulse was a wicked thing. She should have left as soon as he didn't answer the door. Lock picking a friend's apartment had to be up there among the things you just didn't do.
"Daniel?"
His crying ceased momentarily and he looked up at her as if he had only just seen her. "Oh. Hi." His hands went up to his eyes, palms pressing hard in to the depths. "I didn't hear you come in. How are you doing?"
He was just so... *bizarre*.
Sam slumped down on her knees and couldn't help but feel pity for him. "You know, fine. What..." What did she say? Jonas had hated her interfering in his private life - private being distinctly different to personal. While she may have shared his personal life, private life was his and his alone. Men just weren't emotional around her. And, she guessed, vice versa. "Do you... need anything?"
His shoulders were shaking very hard and though he wasn't making any noise anymore she knew his tears were still falling. It was strangely... strangely... Sam didn't know. 'Nice' was the wrong word. Perhaps 'intriguing'. She didn't think she knew any men who would cry over her like this. She was oddly envious of Share, a woman she had never known.
She slid around the coffee table where Daniel seemed to have collapsed. Her back was pressed against the couch, just like his was. She lifted a hand and touched his head. "Daniel?"
The hands came away very quickly and Sam nearly shrieked when he turned and burrowed into her, his head coming to rest between her breasts, his arms wrapping around her waist. She knew she looked ridiculous - both hands held up in the air as if she was being held hostage. Her friend needed a friend and she was, apparently, it.
Lowering her hands, she managed to pat his back. Comfortingly, she assured herself.
Yeah, real comforting, Sam. Any more comforting and you'd be halfway across the room handing him a handkerchief at the end of a ten foot pole.
God.
Awkwardly, she lowered her head and rested her chin on the top of his brown hair. "Daniel, I'm so sorry."
"I can't believe... I can't believe she's dead."
Neither could Sam. Walking into that tent and seeing what she'd seen... Everything had changed. God knew what Teal'c felt like.
Or perhaps Teal'c didn't feel guilt. Perhaps Teal'c just saw the truth of the matter - that he had saved Daniel's life from a Goa'uld. The truth. Somehow, and Sam had a lot of experience in the matter, she doubted Daniel would see it that way. He had still lost his wife.
Shifting closer, moving her legs, Sam tried to get a little more comfortable. There was a wet patch forming between her breasts where Daniel's tears were soaking her. She could see a box of Kleenex at the end of the table and wished she could reach them, subtly wave a few in front of Daniel's nose.
Unconsciously, she kissed his forehead. "I won't tell you it'll be okay. It's... that's not the truth. It'll just get less painful, very, very slowly. You won't notice it for a time..." This wasn't comforting. She knew this wasn't comforting, but neither were lies. "Daniel, we'll be here for you. Any time you want, you just... you just call us." When she said 'us' she didn't really know who she was talking about. After all, it had been Teal'c who had, however reasonably, killed Share. Sam wasn't entirely sure how well Daniel would receive grief comforting from him.
And the Colonel?
God knew.
"I can stay over sometimes. When... " She couldn't believe she was saying this. "When my mom died, having people around me... helped." Of course, since her brother moved out, her father buried himself in his work, that hadn't actually happened much. She'd ended up staying with friends for days on end on occasion, until her father ordered her home. "Maybe you'd like to spend time with her family, your family," she corrected.
Daniel sniffed suddenly and turned his head to the side. "Sorry, Sam."
She sighed, watched his head rise and fall. A smile touched her mouth. "I don't mind, Daniel." She squeezed him just a little bit. "Guess you wouldn't want to cry on Colonel O'Neill."
"He'd probably hit me," he pointed out.
She laughed a little, very softly. "No. Not you. Anyone else, perhaps. But not you."
He went silent, tears ceased for the time being. She didn't think it was time to let go, leaving that to Daniel to judge. Clearly he was better with these things.
"When did your mother die, Sam?"
She blinked. Part of her hadn't believed he had actually heard her. It had just been spontaneous, desperate words to comfort him with. Trying to empathise with how he felt. "My mother...? When I was thirteen."
"I didn't know."
"No."
"How did she die?"
"Car accident."
"I'm sorry, Sam."
She laughed again, a little more bitterly. She really didn't want to talk about this with him. "Daniel, you're the one grieving..."
"I can't think about it anymore." He sat up suddenly, brushing at his eyes and looking around the room as if he'd never seen it before. "I can't... I can't."
"No. I know," she said sympathetically.
"How did you get in?"
Sam cleared her throat. "I... used your spare key."
"Jack's?"
Damn. "Er... no."
Daniel frowned, looking absurdly boyish with reddened eyes and rumpled clothes. "How, then?"
A little embarrassed now, Sam's fingers went to tuck her hair behind her ears. "Oh, you know. I... picked your lock."
"You... you broke in!"
"I didn't think it would work. I thought you'd have some other kind of lock on in the inside. A dead-bolt or something. But you didn't. Well, you do, but you hadn't... ah." From the incredulous look on his face, she wasn't getting anywhere with her excuses.
"This is a side of you I never thought I'd see. Can you hotwire cars?"
"Not modern ones," she admitted bashfully.
A smile spread across his face. "Not modern ones," he repeated. He sniffed and rubbed his nose. "Have you told Jack this?"
"What? Why would I tell him?"
"I'm just picturing his face." He crawled towards the phone, still sniffing. "And I think I'm gonna get him over here to tell him."
*
Being enveloped in a Daniel embrace wasn't quite how Sam had imagined her night would go. Then again, it was probably better this way. Sleeping with her CO - even if that point was currently debatable considering her 'official' AWOL status - was one of the worst scenarios she'd ever come across in her personal life and the fact that she'd just been about to...
"God... we were so worried." Daniel pulled back and looked at her, taking in every inch of her face. His expression changed suddenly, hardened. "Where the hell have you been?" Then his eyes slipped over her shoulder, focused on the only other occupant of the apartment. "I don't believe this."
"Neither do I, Daniel," Colonel O'Neill said bitterly. "I'm gonna use the bathroom."
Flushing a little at the implication, Sam lowered her face and looked down at her bare toes, waiting for the Colonel to close the bathroom door. The sound of water running began almost immediately and she felt her face redden further.
"Sam? What the hell's going on? Has he known where you've been all this time?"
She opened her mouth to say... what? What did she tell him? Truthfully, she had hoped to have some time to formulate what she was going to tell Daniel. Some kind of a logical explanation, no doubt.
No logical argument was currently forthcoming.
"Come on. Sit down," she said, taking his arm and tugging him over to the sitting area. She perched on the edge of the couch and looked at him. He looked fine, very little had changed in his appearance. She thought he was wearing a new sweater but then she didn't really know the ins and outs of his wardrobe all that well. "Did you have a hair cut?"
His fingers went up, ran through the short strands. "What? Yeah. What? Sam...."
She smiled at his confusion. "I've missed you," she told him honestly, and it wasn't a trick to procrastinate. She really had missed him.
"I've missed you too. Now will you tell me what's been going on?"
"What do you know? You must know something - or how else did you find me?"
Daniel smirked. "It's a long story."
"Tell me. Please."
"I got a phone call from Sara. She said Jack had disappeared about a week ago. She'd tried his cell but he wasn't answering calls. She was, understandably, worried about him."
Sure she was, Sam thought uncharitably. Then hated herself for thinking it.
"I figured he went up to his cabin or something but at about the same time, maybe a couple of days later, General Hammond suddenly completely changed."
Sam's brow creased a little. "Changed?"
"Well, he stopped being in a filthy mood, for one."
"The General? In a filthy mood? What?" Somehow, Sam was having difficulty picturing it.
"He was. Trust me. Never seen anything like it." Daniel shook his head, as if to dispel difficult images. "Of course, it was to do with you. And Jack, of course. And me. Teal'c was in a pretty bad mood too."
She winced. Great. Guilt raised its head and chortled merrily to itself.
"But it was extraordinary... a couple of days after Sara called me, the General suddenly cheered up. I've been having meetings with him, running through lists of the finalists for your, ah, replacement," he eyed her warily but when she didn't comment, continued, "and he was suddenly... fine with it. That was what got me suspicious."
"Doesn't seem like much to go on, Daniel."
"No. Well, it wasn't all. Jack disappearing like that... that was pretty odd. Last time I checked he was prostrate on his living room floor."
The door to the bathroom opened and both of them turned to look at the Colonel. He raised his eyes at them and ran his hands through his damp hair. "Daniel," he greeted, coldly, giving his friend only a cursory look as he walked over to the bed.
"Jack." Sucking in his cheeks, Daniel returned to Sam, ignoring the way Colonel O'Neill was stretching out on the bed, hands tucked under his head, for all the world as comfortable as could be. "So I went to his house and I did a little investigation. His neighbors..."
"Don't tell me you visited Mrs. Parker," the Colonel interrupted.
"And had a very nice chat about you, as well," Daniel said sarcastically. "And I agree with her - you having a telescope on your roof is very suspicious."
He threw a hand up into the air in outrage. "She thinks television's suspicious."
Sam touched Daniel's elbow, not wanting them to be drawn into an argument so soon. "Go on."
"His neighbors said Jack had shot out of the house late one night, taking an overnight bag with him. Drove off like it was an emergency." Daniel shook his head wryly. "It could only be one person, Sam."
She wiped her palms on her legs, looking away from Daniel and his suddenly piercing eyes.
"I went to the General. I asked him what was going on. He denied everything but...." Daniel moved his head in a suggestion of disbelief. "When I got home last night, there was an open envelope on my bed. It had a typed address inside. This address."
Her mouth parted in surprise. "Did it have a signature? Anything? I don't think General Hammond would do something like that."
"No," the Colonel said, snorting, "but Maybourne would."
"Maybourne?"
"Oh, tell him about Maybourne, Carter. This is the part I like the best."
"Sir..."
He made a noise, held up a finger. "No. Don't call me anything for the rest of the night, Carter. Do you think you could manage that?"
She tucked her tongue into her cheek, trying not to lose her temper. She was getting so tired of fighting with him, particularly since they'd been on the verge of a... breakthrough only minutes before.
Admittedly, the type of 'breakthrough' Sam would rather have avoided with him.
"Sam? Maybourne?"
She sighed. "You're going to love this, Daniel."
*
"What?" Daniel looked at her oddly. "Sam?"
She did it again. Giggled.
"Sam - you're freaking me out."
Leaning over with the over-exaggeration spurred on by drinking too much, she whispered, "My dad's an alien."
His mouth twitched. "So's my wife."
Sam sniggered. Then spluttered. Then, carefully, she put her beer down so she could wrap her arms about her stomach and roll onto the floor. "My father... is... an *alien*, Daniel. I could go on Oprah!"
Daniel chuckled, rolling his own beer between his fingers. "You and me. We could be a team. Pity we're not brother and sister."
"Oh yeah! We'd be so dys......" She frowned, turning her head to look at the ceiling at a suspiciously dark patch on her otherwise perfect white paint. "...functional. Can you see damp?" She pointed up at the ceiling of her living room. Her house was a new acquisition, the first house she'd ever bought in fact. She was terribly house proud, had even managed to find the time in the day to decorate the rooms herself. It had been a pretty slow process considering her working hours.
"No. It's a shadow from your lamp."
Sam perched up on her elbows and looked at him. Her friend, Dr Daniel Jackson of the floppy hair. At this particular not-so-sober moment, she loved his damn stupid floppy hair. She was filled with affection for him, overflowing with it. She'd felt weird calling him - when SG-1 got together it was as a whole, not as a part. She and Daniel didn't just hang with each other. "Thanks for coming over at such short notice, Daniel."
He raised his beer bottle to her. "Hell, I was up for it. You should have invited the others."
Sam made a face. "Somehow I think Colonel O'Neill has better things to do. And Teal'c... I'm not sure he'd understand. Him being.. an alien and all." She giggled again. The weirdness of her life was getting to her.
She slid back onto the floor, casting an arm over her eyes.
"What do you think he does?"
"Teal'c? Observes everyone at the base. I was talking to..."
"No, Jack. I'm talking about Jack. What do you think he does?"
"I don't know." In fact it made her distinctly uncomfortable to think about him when she wasn't at work. And, funnily enough, when she was at work. *He* made her uncomfortable in a very wrong way.
"I mean, it's not like... that is to say... does he strike you as lonely?"
She pulled her arm from her face. "Daniel? Do you want me to call him?"
"No, no. It's fine. I just worry about him."
She prodded his thigh with her toe. "You *worry* about him?"
"He worries about me. And you. Not so much Teal'c, but still. You don't think I can worry about people. I'm a very worried person...."
He was rambling now. She shoved at him with both feet and he slid along her polished floorboards. She hadn't, thankfully, had anything to do with the floorboards. They'd been like that when she'd arrived. "Hey!"
"You're rambling."
"I ramble. I'm sorry. Rambling is a habit." He shook his head and sighed. "I miss my wife."
"I miss my dad."
He patted her toes, then investigated them more closely, giggling inanely. "You have green toes."
"Ugh, I do not!"
"They are!"
"My toe *nails* are green."
"They match your uniform. Sam that's terrible."
"What? Why?"
"It's just... really sad. I'm so sad for you. Poor toes."
She shoved at him again and this time it was with deep satisfaction that she watched him topple over. She'd never have thought Dr Daniel Jackson could be this much fun.
*
"Well, it's Goa'uld." He frowned over the napkin. "A rough guess - the bringing of life forever. No, the bringer of life forever. This was on her ring? Mut was considered the mother of all. It's not particularly important. Just a token of who she is." He dropped the napkin back on the coffee table and looked up at them both, now standing behind the coffee table. "Could you guys sit down? You're looking very.... military."
Sam looked down at herself and then him. Both of them were standing straight, arms behind their backs, feet shoulder width apart. She smiled faintly and just about managed to keep that smile up when she looked him in the eye. "Habit," she murmured, shrugging.
"So what do you think Maybourne wants? Why's he brought me here, assuming it is him who orchestrated this deal?" Daniel asked, clasping his hands together between his legs.
Sam perched on the edge of the bed. "He wants to capture Mut. That I know for sure."
"Mut or Mut and the host?"
The Colonel grunted. "There's no difference here, Daniel. They are two and the same."
"Jack, you know that's not true. The Tok'ra..."
"Are apparently not the Goa'uld, as someone has rammed down my throat time and time again," he glanced at Sam as he said this, but she refused to be drawn in. "Besides, this isn't an SGC mission. Higher powers have bequeathed this mission to Carter. We just have to do as we're told."
"And you're okay with that?" Daniel looked at them both searchingly.
"So long as it gets Carter back where she belongs."
Sam said nothing, instead chose to focus on her toes.
"Sam? Have you seen this Goa'uld do anything suspicious?" He raised his eyebrows at her, expectantly, waiting for a logical answer from her.
"Well, no..."
"Then how do you know she's, for lack of a better word, bad."
Sam smile flickered. Though he didn't know it, he was echoing her thoughts from before, thoughts that the Colonel had shot down swiftly.
"She's a Goa'uld, Daniel. An alien. A parasite. I can't believe I'm having this argument with you as well."
Daniel smirked, looked to Sam. "So she's done nothing suspicious? No cult-like implications..."
"I didn't say that," Sam said, narrowing her eyes.
"Have you done any Internet searches?"
"Not yet."
He seemed to think this was funny. "I guess that's what I'm here for then. Local news reports should also be useful. Missing teenagers, strange crimes. I'll go home and get my laptop. Jack, you do know you're back on duty tomorrow?"
Sam looked up at the Colonel sharply. "You're gonna have to leave?"
He smiled at her tightly. "At least check in. As far as I know, it's mostly admin duties until we find a replacement." He turned back to Daniel, top lip curled just a little. "Just how was that going?"
"Badly." He gave the Colonel a fake, toothy smile. "I vetoed everyone I could."
"Still pulling for another civilian?" the Colonel asked sarcastically.
"Yup," Daniel said, nearly speaking through his teeth.
Sam had a feeling this was a long-running argument but, really, she didn't want to hear about who they had been trying to replace her with. It gave her a cold, sick feeling in her stomach, not helped by their constant unfriendly tones.
"Since I've been working full time, I can probably swing a day or two off, so I'll come back and do some work here. That is... unless you mind...?" Daniel blinked blue eyes beseechingly at her, every inch the innocent friend.
"No, no, please," Sam said hurriedly. "I'd love for you to stay. We need all the help we can get."
"Fine." Daniel stood, brushing down his pants. "I'll go home." He checked his watch. "I may not make it back until the afternoon, though. Jack? When will you be in?"
"I'll be at work on time, Daniel. I'll leave in a few hours."
Surreptitiously, Sam looked at him but he wasn't looking at her. She was beginning to worry about the hours between when Daniel left and the Colonel left. Just what exactly was he thinking? If he wasn't so damned inscrutable - and wasn't that part of his charm? - she wouldn't be wound up tighter than a ball of string.
"Okay." Daniel made his way around the coffee table, picking up his bag from the floor. Sam walked with him to the door and they hugged. "I'm glad you're okay, Sam."
"Yeah... about that..." She trailed off uncomfortably, making a face.
He laughed softly, shaking his head at her. "I figured there was more to it. Tell me tomorrow. When we're alone."
She nodded, pleased that he'd caught on so fast and didn't seem to be hating her. "Okay." She slid the lock back on the door, pulled it open. "See you tomorrow."
"Bye. See you in the morning, Jack."
"Yeah. Whatever."
Sam closed the door slowly, edging closer to it until her forehead was pressed against the wood. The locked clicked into place. Now all she had to do was turn around and face.
Easy, right?
Just turn around and...
"Carter?"
"Yeah?"
"Your top's inside out."
Her shoulders lifted and fell with a weak impression of a laugh. "I know."
"I don't think he noticed."
"Even if he did... I don't think he'd... you know."
"No."
"Teal'c might... but I'm not sure about Daniel."
"Oh, Teal'c so knows."
"Because of the zay'tarc thing?"
This was ridiculous. She was talking to a door.
"That and... I may have.. said a few things on occasion when Daniel was too drunk to remember."
She swallowed. "I didn't think you were a loquacious drunk."
"I'm not. Not... usually. Carter, would you please look at me?"
She sighed and forced her body to turn around and face him. He'd dropped down onto the bed, facing her with his elbows perched on his knees and his chin on his clasped hands. She managed to smile at him. She loved him, after all. The fact that they'd nearly consummated that emotion in a time-honoured fashion was hardly unexpected. Particularly considering the circumstances.
"Technically, we haven't broken any regulations," he pointed out.
"Technically?"
"You're AWOL. Officially."
"But working on an unofficial mission."
"Which I'm not contracted to be involved in. I hardly think Maybourne's gonna tell on us, Carter." He sat up straight, his palms pressing into the mattress on either side of him.
She reached behind her neck to massage it. "It's not... it's not really the regulations I'm worried about."
His face changed. "What?"
"Well... they're kind of secondary. I mean, obviously they're important. But they're not my real worry."
"Please, do enlighten me."
"It's... " Sam sought for exactly what was bothering her, exactly what she was so scared of. "What exactly do you expect?"
"Expect? Carter, I don't expect anything."
"So, what? This is... would have been a one-night stand?"
"No!" He stood up suddenly, hands going to run through his hair nervously. "No. God, no."
"So if we'd... gone through with..." She scrunched up her face, knowing she was making a fool of herself but not particularly caring, "If we'd had sex, what about tomorrow? Or if we complete this mission and I get back into the SGC? Or..."
"Carter, I have to tell you, honestly, the minutes before Daniel interrupted with his impeccable timing, I wasn't really thinking about the future."
"See? Exactly." She spread her hands out, desperate for him to understand. "Where the hell was it going to go?"
"Carter..." The Colonel - dammit, why couldn't she call him Jack even in her head? - stepped towards her.
"Don't," she warned, her hands turning so her palms faced him. "Don't come closer. Please."
"I damn well will," he snapped, walking straight towards her, his hands going to palm the door on either side of her head. She swallowed and looked at his chin firmly. "Look, Sam... see?" Her eyes went to his immediately. The name thing, for them, was always going to be a trigger. "Your name. It's a miracle." He rolled his eyes. "Sam, there are options for us..."
A distinctly dread-related feeling swam to the surface. "Oh God, don't."
"Sam..."
"No. No, I won't hear this. I can't..." She reached up instinctively and placed her hands on his cheeks, her thumbs resting below his bottom lip. A lip she had become intimately acquainted with only a couple of hours before. "When 'we' finally happen, I don't want the Air Force to have anything to do with it. I don't want people whispering, I don't want people pointing, I don't want judgment on us for something that I... I really want. I don't want it to be tainted at all." Nervously, she wondered if she should tell him the rest, her secret hopes and wants.
"Sam?" he said, sensing she had more to say.
"At some stage..." she began, slowly. "At some stage, I want children. I want a family. When that time comes, I will stop going through the gate."
"You will?"
"I can't risk my life every day - any children I have will sure as hell have their mother for as long as I can manage it." She smiled shakily; from the look on his face he had guessed how close these feelings lay to her heart. "When I stop going through the gate, I want you to stop too. If you haven't stopped already."
His eyebrows shot up, his mouth quirking. "God, you've really thought about this."
"You're surprised? You know me. I'm not really impulse driven. You're.. you're not freaked out?"
"No. I always figured I'd retire before you." He slid a hand over one of hers, threading his fingers through hers and bringing it down to rest against his chest. "And the kids thing... that's... freaking great." He laughed slightly, bending his head so his forehead touched hers. "And I understand. I get it. We'll play by the rules until the rules don't matter."
"Yeah," she breathed out on a sigh.
"Okay. I can go for that."