Disclaimer: all characters belong to J.K. Rowling. They are not mine, I do
not own them, and I do not pretend to own them. MoldyFart belongs to her,
though she calls him a different name.
On number four, privet drive, there lived a boy. He was completely normal except for the fact that he was very strange. You see, he was a wizard who had to live with evil "Muggles" because he has no other relatives. A very dark wizard, Lord MoldyFart, had killed his parents many years before. Harry had somehow survived this encounter with no more than a scar on his forehead that he used to get girls to talk to him.
Every year, he went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where he had at least three major fights, sometimes daily, with a jealous hottie named Draco Malfoy. (What were his parents thinking?) Harry's best friends were an annoying know-it-all named Hermione Granger, and a red- haired wannabe named Ron Weasly. Through luck or bribery, they all managed to be in the same "house," Gryffindor. Dumbledore, principal of Hogwarts, had a strange obsession with making sure that 1, Harry Potter knew what a wonderful kid he was, and 2, awarding the House Cup to Gryffindor, even when Slytherin had 200 more points than them.
The first year Harry went to Hogwarts, MoldyFart managed to share the body of Harry's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Quirrel. At the end of the book, Harry has to fight MoldyFart to save the honor of his dead parents. Somehow he defeats MoldyFart without even moving because Quirrel's skin burns every time he touches Harry. Eventually, Harry faints, Quirrel dies, and MoldyFart sneaks off into a bar to get drunk and tell about how he was this close to killing the damn kid. Of course, everyone is very happy about everything that Harry did for the school, and give him enough chocolate to sustain a 40-foot crocodile for 100 years. Harry eats it all in one night.
Because Harry and Hermione were found roaming the castle when they were supposed to be in bed, Gryffindor is behind by 160 points. (Of course, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff are never even in the running. They don't seem to care.) Dumbledore immediately gives out random points to Harry, Hermione, and the wall clock until Gryffindor is 5 points ahead of Slytherin. Everyone cheers, and Harry goes home happy.
On number four, privet drive, there lived a boy. He was completely normal except for the fact that he was very strange. You see, he was a wizard who had to live with evil "Muggles" because he has no other relatives. A very dark wizard, Lord MoldyFart, had killed his parents many years before. Harry had somehow survived this encounter with no more than a scar on his forehead that he used to get girls to talk to him.
Every year, he went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where he had at least three major fights, sometimes daily, with a jealous hottie named Draco Malfoy. (What were his parents thinking?) Harry's best friends were an annoying know-it-all named Hermione Granger, and a red- haired wannabe named Ron Weasly. Through luck or bribery, they all managed to be in the same "house," Gryffindor. Dumbledore, principal of Hogwarts, had a strange obsession with making sure that 1, Harry Potter knew what a wonderful kid he was, and 2, awarding the House Cup to Gryffindor, even when Slytherin had 200 more points than them.
The first year Harry went to Hogwarts, MoldyFart managed to share the body of Harry's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Quirrel. At the end of the book, Harry has to fight MoldyFart to save the honor of his dead parents. Somehow he defeats MoldyFart without even moving because Quirrel's skin burns every time he touches Harry. Eventually, Harry faints, Quirrel dies, and MoldyFart sneaks off into a bar to get drunk and tell about how he was this close to killing the damn kid. Of course, everyone is very happy about everything that Harry did for the school, and give him enough chocolate to sustain a 40-foot crocodile for 100 years. Harry eats it all in one night.
Because Harry and Hermione were found roaming the castle when they were supposed to be in bed, Gryffindor is behind by 160 points. (Of course, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff are never even in the running. They don't seem to care.) Dumbledore immediately gives out random points to Harry, Hermione, and the wall clock until Gryffindor is 5 points ahead of Slytherin. Everyone cheers, and Harry goes home happy.