A/N: Wow, I can't believe the replies I had to this story. Thank you
everyone! Must say that it got me a bit nervous but I hope this next
chapter won't let you down.
Chapter 2: A sort of homecoming
There is nothing like a good shower after coming back from an off-world mission, Sam decides as she makes her way to infirmary for the standard check up. It let you believe that just for a couple of minutes your thoughts get drained down the gutter together with the dust and sweat. Turning around the corner Sam nearly walks into Daniel.
"Oh, Sam! Sorry." The archaeologist exclaims in surprise, some things just never changed no matter what happens.
"It's ok, Daniel." Sam assures him.
"I... er... was heading towards my lab. I have some things to do..." He thinks as he looks at his boots instead of her face.
"Okay." She says frowning as she looks at her friend. He has guilt written all over him.
"I'll catch you later at the debriefing." He mutters and then scurries off as if something just bit him in the ass. Shrugging Sam enters the infirmary finding Dr. Frasier signing Daniel's chart.
"Hey, Janet." Sam greets her friend and right away sits down on a bed, knowing the routine by heart by now.
"Hi, Sam." Janet smiles, puts the chart aside as she walks up to her friend and starts her examination. "How are you feeling?" The tone of her voice suggests that she isn't just talking about her physical state.
"Just peachy." Sam answers annoyed and flinches at her words. Why did she have to do that? Why were it his words that always seemed to slip from her tongue just at the moment when she thought that for a second she was nearly normal again.
By the look on Janet's face she had noticed as well. "Sam, you do know that we are all here for you if you want to talk about... Jack."
Not sooner has she spoken his name or Sam jolts up from where she was sitting as if her pants are on fire. "I don't need to talk about it!" She assures her friend a bit too eagerly and then she realises that Daniel must have said something to the doctor. "Did Daniel put you up to this?"
Janet puts her hands gently on Sam's shoulders and tries to push her back unto the bed. "He's just worried about you. We all are." She adds softly and Sam stops fighting back and lets the doctor ease her back unto the bed.
Sam's shoulders slump and she looks down at the tip of her boots. "I'm alright, Janet. I just... sometimes..." She doesn't look up as she tries to find a way to finish the sentence without bursting out in tears.
"Miss him?" Janet proposes as she sees her friend struggling with emotions that seem to be going far deeper and she'll ever dare to admit.
Carter lets out a loud snort in reply and buries her face into her hands. Janet swallows and carefully places her hand on Sam's shoulder. She can feel how the muscles are tensed up as if she was prepared to tackle a dozen Jaffa's who could walk into the infirmary any moment.
"Janet, this really isn't the time or the place to talk about it." Sam straightens her back and looks into her eyes. Her jaw is set determined and the doctor knows that whatever emotions that were troubling her friend just moments ago are now at bay again. It was actually amazing how much Sam was able to keep locked inside her. Secretly Janet had thought that she would have broken down shortly after O'Neill's death but she hadn't. So every day she would look at her friend and try to find something to give away the feelings that probably were haunting her. But that moment never came and by some invisible determination Samantha Carter got on with her work. Just her work though, as far as Janet could tell Sam's social life was virtually non- existent. Only Cassie seemed to be able to drag her outside of her house or Cheyenne Mountain these days.
"Ok, why don't you drop by at my place tonight and we'll talk then?" Janet tries even though she knows it's futile and Sam will just turn her down.
For a second though Sam seems to consider it but then she shakes her head. "No, I have work to do. There is still a heap of paperwork waiting for me in my in-tray and I have to examine an object SG-9 brought back with them last week from PZB-348."
Janet lets out a deep sigh. "How on earth can your in-tray be full when all you do these days is work? I don't think you even leave the Mountain anymore!" She says sharply, tired of having to deal with all these excuses every time she suggested to do something outside of work.
"I didn't say full!" Sam objects.
"Ah! I don't care. Sam, when is the last time you took some time off?" Doctor Fraiser would like to know. As there isn't a reply she continues. "I don't believe you have taken a day off every since the Colonel died." She points out and then regrets her words at the mention of Jack for a second allows the hurt behind Sam's blue eyes to break through the barriers. But she wasn't backing off now, at least she had a reaction.
"I have!" Sam protests as she has recovered from the momentarily *weakness*. "With Christmas, I went to see Mark."
"Sure, after your dad forced you to!" Janet shakes her head and wants to continue the argument when her voice gets drowned out by the speakers that come to life.
*Unauthorised off world activation*
"Who is off-world?" Sam asks the doctor, glad to escape the route this questioning was taking.
"SG-2, 6 and 10." Janet answers. "But they aren't due back in another 18 hours."
Before Janet can protest or object Sam slips off the bed and leaves the infirmary.
"Sam, I haven't finished your examination!" Doctor Fraiser calls after her but Carter ignores it.
Sam prays that when she gets back to the infirmary she will have some kind of news that will keep Janet occupied. She knows that her friend just wants to help but right now, she doesn't need any help. Couldn't they understand that she didn't want to feel better? The pain had become a part of her job. Out there she would fight, put aside her grief and all emotions related to it. Her mind was focused and keeping her team safe was all that really mattered. For a second she considers that maybe this was exactly what Jack O'Neill had been doing. The job just temporarily keeping him away from the sense of loss that he felt thinking back to Charlie and Sara. But as she entered the control room she pushed the thoughts aside. Right here she was Colonel Samantha Carter, a USAF officer.
The alarm is still blaring as General Hammond stands behind Graham Simmons. In the gate room the SF's are aiming their guns at the stargate. The impressing metal ring is obstructed by the iris, giving them all a somewhat false sense of security. The iris has proven it's worth on numerous times before but it had also shown that it wasn't infallible.
"Are we receiving a GDO?" Hammond asks, his eyes fixed on the gate, maybe he too was considering what dangers were trying to come through the gate to torment Cheyenne Mountain. A blue shimmering light across the back wall testifies of the presence of the wormhole but there are no thuds betraying that someone is trying to come through.
"No, sir." Simmons replies and there is an eerie silence as everyone continues to watch the stargate, as if somehow it would tell them who was on the other side if they just kept watching long enough.
"Sir." It's Simmons' tense voice that draws Sam's and the General's attention back to the computer screen and suddenly numbers are appearing there. "I'm receiving a GDO." He informs them but there is disbelieve in his voice.
"Who is it from?" Hammond urges him to continue speaking.
"It's SG-1's." The reply comes and Sam and Hammond look at each other confused.
"That's impossible, we're all on base." Sam says right away and she leans over Simmons' shoulder to see with her own eyes what he replies after that.
"It's an old GDO, the one assigned to SG-1 about the time..."
Sam doesn't let him finish the sentence. "That Colonel O'Neill died." She pushes away from the screen and looks at the General. "Sir, open the iris." She doesn't know what she is feeling as her heart beats in her ears. A wrenching feeling settles in her chest as she looks pleadingly at the General.
"Colonel, for all we know the goa'uld got hold of his GDO and are waiting with an army on the other side of the gate.
"Sir, if that was so we would be hearing Jaffa bump into the iris right now. For all we know the next sound we hear is Colonel O'Neill." She points towards the stargate and prays there won't be a thud to confirm her words.
"If it is Colonel O'Neill he will wait for us to send a MALP through and confirm that it really is him." Hammond tries to reason with Sam but she shakes her head fervently.
"Sir, he might not have the time to wait for a MALP to be send back!" She argues, panic creeping into her voice. "If he really is alive and trying to come back, who knows in what circumstances he is right now. We can not risk it. Too much is at stake. Please, open the iris." She would be begging on her knees if she knew it would help convince the General.
Her words seem to have their effect on the elder man as he nods. "Open the iris." He commands Simmons and bows towards the microphone to give the SF's in the gate room their orders.
Sam doesn't wait to listen to what he is saying. As soon as she heard him agree to open the iris she bolted out of the control room, down the stairs and on her way to the gate room. She enters just in time to see the iron shielding pull back to reveal the shimmering surface of the stargate. The soldiers around her tense, their weapons aimed at whatever or whoever might be coming through any second now.
She can hear footsteps behind her and briefly turns to notice the General has entered the gate room as well. Not a very strategic move from him, the Colonel inside her remarks. If Jack is really dead and armed forces are waiting to invade the mountain right now, he shouldn't be in the frontline. Together with that thought Sam realises what is really keeping everyone in the room so quiet and tense. It isn't the idea of a whole army of Jaffa swarming through the gate right now. It is something else she reads on Daniel's and Teal'c's face as both men enter the gate room closely behind General Hammond, Sam hadn't even noticed their presence earlier. The white robe in the hall tells her even Janet is here, waiting with a medical team. Swallowing Sam turns her head back towards the gate, it was hope that tied them all together right now. Hope that either would be crushed any second now or maybe just maybe...
Her muscles tense at the idea, her heart seems to stop beating in her chest as she finally realises what is happening. Jack O'Neill could be alive. After all that time, he could still be out there, living, breathing. She doesn't notice that her hands are shaking, doesn't notice she just walked up to the end of the ramp, disregarding the shouts from the SF standing next to her to go back. Her eyes are fixed on the middle of the stargate, the surface of the wormhole is rippling and soon something comes through, the end of a staff-weapon. She sucks in a breath, her world shattering once more. The hope turning into a panic, she just begged to have the iris open for a goa'uld army. She just sealed the fate of the entire earth because she wanted to believe that the man she left behind almost two years ago is still alive.
Suddenly a hand is on her shoulder and she is being pulled back by the SF. She can hear his angry voice, telling her she should stay behind them but the sick fascination inside her chooses to ignore his warnings. Before her eyes the staff-weapon gets pulled back and then the person on the other side makes up his mind and pushes through the surface. No one dares to move as the man puts his feet firmly on the metal ramp.
"Close the iris." His voice rings out and the familiarity makes Sam shudder. No one seems to move in the gate room. Not the SF's, not the General, Daniel, Teal'c, the doctor or the man on top of the ramp. Sam can't make out the features of his face, she is too far away to see his dark eyes and the expression behind them. But she does recognise his posture, the way he is holding the staff-weapon, the sound of command in his voice. It's all there, too familiar to not be recognised but at the same time too different to be real. The immobile universe that just came into being inside the gate room gets shattered as a staffblast comes through the wormhole and the impressing figure at the end of the gate ducks. "CLOSE THE DAMN IRIS!" He barks again, driving any feeling of being stuck in a dream away. This is real, this couldn't be any more real.
The gate room breathes again, hands tighten around the weapons they are clutching so fiercely. Behind the lines another commanding voice rises up, ordering Simmons to close the iris. And as slowly movement returns to the room, the figure at the end of the ramp lets the staff-weapon fall down. The clatter of metal on metal drowns out the voices around her and the iris covers the blue shimmering lake, putting the lonesome figure in front of the stargate in a shadow. His knees buckles under him as if the trinium shield just cut of the cords that were keeping him on his feet. As he falls down on the hard, cold ramp Sam can feel herself running towards him. She forgets all the people around her as she falls down on her knees next to him. Her eyes travel over his body, needing to make sure this is really him and not some figment of her imagination. Her fingers are on his throat, looking for a pulse, a sign of life. Her lips are moving in a silent prayer.
"Please be alive, please be alive." She mutters it, no one but her and him hearing the words. There is a beat, slow and barely noticeable but it's there all the same. Her eyes sweep over his face, the long beard betraying the lack of hygiene on whatever planet he was. Then she notices his dark brown eyes are watching her, Sam can look right into his soul and for a second she reads the pain, the fear, the longing, the relief and the hope in there.
"Carter," he whispers and she can feel his hand clutching her sleeve. Then his eyes flutter closed and he loses consciousness.
Sam gasps for air as he recognises her, the hand that was holding on to her falls from her arm to the ground. She gently picks it up and puts it over his chest. "It's okay, sir. You're home." She whispers as she notices something glittering on his chest, half covered by the dirty robe he is wearing instead of his normal BDU's.
A strong hand on her shoulder forces Sam to look up. Janet is sitting at the other side of the unconscious man, examining him quickly and trying to assess if they can move him without danger.
"Colonel Carter, I think it would be wise to give Doctor Fraiser room to work." The low but gentle voice of Teal'c informs her. His fingers tighten around her shoulder as to try and convince her of the necessity to move away. But Sam couldn't, not until she was sure. So instead of standing up she reaches out and gently pushes the robe aside, uncovering the scarred skin of his chest. The glitter that drew her attention is nothing else than the man's dogtag, not the standard two plaques but just one.
Sam's breath gets caught in her throat and she can feel the whole world spinning around her. Hope gets replaced by a certainty that is as liberating as it is terrifying. Colonel Jack O'Neill has returned home after one year, eight months, two weeks and three days. The hand on her shoulder pulls her up on her feet again to allow the medics to move him unto a stretcher.
"Is he alright?" Daniel asks and Sam is surprised to find him standing by her side.
"I don't know, Daniel." Comes the uncertain answer from the doctor. She shouts some orders to her medical staff and they quickly push the stretcher outside the gate room. SG-1 remains standing on the ramp, looking how their former CO gets wheeled outside. There doesn't seem to be any words between them that could explain what they are thinking.
"Why don't you three accompany me to the infirmary?" General Hammond asks standing at the beginning of the ramp. Sam nods, she knows it isn't an order but takes it as one as right now her brain seems to have frozen up entirely.
"Yes, sir." She answers softly and walks up to the General, Teal'c's hand finally falling from her shoulder as she makes the movement.
"I can't believe this is happening." Daniel whispers amazed and she half expects him to start rambling, to come up with idea's about what could have happened to Jack during all those months that he was gone. To her relief he doesn't, he just walks by her side and Teal'c follows them.
In silence they walk to the infirmary, no one knows what to say. It felt like a dream and Sam just wasn't sure if it was a good one or a nightmare. A nurse informs them that they will have to wait outside until Doctor Fraiser is finished with the Colonel. General Hammond agrees but not before ordering her to come and report to them as soon as she knows anything for certain.
Daniel falls down in one of the plastic chairs outside and General Hammond takes the one beside him. Teal'c doesn't see the need to sit down and remains standing next to Daniel Jackson. His stoic face betrays nothing of emotion and Sam can't help but wonder how the Jaffa is infected by this all. It isn't so much that she wants to know what Teal'c is thinking, not that she doesn't care, but she knows that if she right now goes into her own feelings she might not get out again. She draws up a wall inside her, pushing all the impressions back behind it until she can tear it down again when no one is watching her.
It is two hours later when finally the door to the infirmary opens again and Doctor Fraiser walks outside as Sam is trying to decide whether the time is going really slow or really fast. She pushes herself back on her feet and looks at her friend, waiting for what she has to tell. Of course she isn't the only one interested as both Daniel and General Hammond stand up together. Even Teal'c seems to rise up even though he hadn't been sitting down.
"Doctor, how is he doing?" Hammond asks.
Janet sighs as she holds the chart against her chest protectively. "That depends how you look at it, sir." She answers as she too seems to have mixed feelings about Colonel O'Neill's return. "There are still some tests I would like to perform tomorrow but I think it is safe to say that physically he is going to be alright... given enough time to recuperate of course. He has some cuts and bruises over his body and is suffering from dehydration and malnutrition. Basically his body is exhausted at the moment. Telling by the scar tissue I have found all over his body I think he must have been tortured. He regained consciousness just a couple of minutes ago but he is really very weak and I'm not sure what the psychological impact of this all was."
Hammond nods. "Doctor, I know we are all happy to see Colonel O'Neill back but is there any chance that he might be a danger to the SGC?" Sam knows that he has to ask this, they couldn't ignore the attempts to destroy the Mountain that already had been made in the past. The goa'uld never thought twice about using people for this purpose, they had used Cassie, Teal'c's son and Martouf.
"As far as I can tell he is clean, sir. I haven't found anything to prove that they somehow messed with him. I'm hoping the tests I will do tomorrow will confirm that." Janet answers, putting them all at ease again.
"Very well, Doctor." Hammond smiles at her.
"Er..., Janet?" Daniel speaks up now and the doctor turns to him smiling. "Can we see him?" He asks pushing his glasses up a bit and with an expecting look watches the doctor.
"He needs to get some rest, Daniel. I just gave him a sedative." Janet objects, thinking about what is best for her patient.
"Yeah, I know but just a minute. We haven't seen him for over a year and a half!" The archaeologist looks at her pleadingly, knowing she can't ignore the fact that they all, herself included, missed Colonel O'Neill even though he could be a pain in the neck sometimes.
Janet sighs and nods. "Ok, but just for a minute. And don't keep him talking. He needs to rest." She looks threateningly at everyone to get her point across.
"Sure." Daniel grins and heads into the infirmary, followed by Teal'c and then General Hammond and Fraiser who are discussing the condition of the patient.
Sam is left standing in the hall and then walks up to the door. She nearly enters the infirmary when she hears the soft voice of Daniel and then a low and exhausted reply from the Colonel. As soon as she hears him, Sam freezes right where she is standing. She never thought to hear that voice again. Even though he sounds tired, she can hear a sense of relief in it. Her chest tightens as she replays in her head the moment she last saw him. He had asked her to leave, and she had done as she had been told. She had left him behind and god knows what Jack O'Neill had gone through all those months while she had taken his place at the SGC and in SG-1. She had considered him dead, never to return here ever again. A strangled gasp escapes her throat and she turns on her heels, fleeing from the infirmary, fleeing from the man inside and the emotions he awakes inside of her.
TO BE CONTINUED
Oh don't sorrow, no don't weep
For tonight, at last
I am coming home
(U2 ~ A sort of homecoming)
Chapter 2: A sort of homecoming
There is nothing like a good shower after coming back from an off-world mission, Sam decides as she makes her way to infirmary for the standard check up. It let you believe that just for a couple of minutes your thoughts get drained down the gutter together with the dust and sweat. Turning around the corner Sam nearly walks into Daniel.
"Oh, Sam! Sorry." The archaeologist exclaims in surprise, some things just never changed no matter what happens.
"It's ok, Daniel." Sam assures him.
"I... er... was heading towards my lab. I have some things to do..." He thinks as he looks at his boots instead of her face.
"Okay." She says frowning as she looks at her friend. He has guilt written all over him.
"I'll catch you later at the debriefing." He mutters and then scurries off as if something just bit him in the ass. Shrugging Sam enters the infirmary finding Dr. Frasier signing Daniel's chart.
"Hey, Janet." Sam greets her friend and right away sits down on a bed, knowing the routine by heart by now.
"Hi, Sam." Janet smiles, puts the chart aside as she walks up to her friend and starts her examination. "How are you feeling?" The tone of her voice suggests that she isn't just talking about her physical state.
"Just peachy." Sam answers annoyed and flinches at her words. Why did she have to do that? Why were it his words that always seemed to slip from her tongue just at the moment when she thought that for a second she was nearly normal again.
By the look on Janet's face she had noticed as well. "Sam, you do know that we are all here for you if you want to talk about... Jack."
Not sooner has she spoken his name or Sam jolts up from where she was sitting as if her pants are on fire. "I don't need to talk about it!" She assures her friend a bit too eagerly and then she realises that Daniel must have said something to the doctor. "Did Daniel put you up to this?"
Janet puts her hands gently on Sam's shoulders and tries to push her back unto the bed. "He's just worried about you. We all are." She adds softly and Sam stops fighting back and lets the doctor ease her back unto the bed.
Sam's shoulders slump and she looks down at the tip of her boots. "I'm alright, Janet. I just... sometimes..." She doesn't look up as she tries to find a way to finish the sentence without bursting out in tears.
"Miss him?" Janet proposes as she sees her friend struggling with emotions that seem to be going far deeper and she'll ever dare to admit.
Carter lets out a loud snort in reply and buries her face into her hands. Janet swallows and carefully places her hand on Sam's shoulder. She can feel how the muscles are tensed up as if she was prepared to tackle a dozen Jaffa's who could walk into the infirmary any moment.
"Janet, this really isn't the time or the place to talk about it." Sam straightens her back and looks into her eyes. Her jaw is set determined and the doctor knows that whatever emotions that were troubling her friend just moments ago are now at bay again. It was actually amazing how much Sam was able to keep locked inside her. Secretly Janet had thought that she would have broken down shortly after O'Neill's death but she hadn't. So every day she would look at her friend and try to find something to give away the feelings that probably were haunting her. But that moment never came and by some invisible determination Samantha Carter got on with her work. Just her work though, as far as Janet could tell Sam's social life was virtually non- existent. Only Cassie seemed to be able to drag her outside of her house or Cheyenne Mountain these days.
"Ok, why don't you drop by at my place tonight and we'll talk then?" Janet tries even though she knows it's futile and Sam will just turn her down.
For a second though Sam seems to consider it but then she shakes her head. "No, I have work to do. There is still a heap of paperwork waiting for me in my in-tray and I have to examine an object SG-9 brought back with them last week from PZB-348."
Janet lets out a deep sigh. "How on earth can your in-tray be full when all you do these days is work? I don't think you even leave the Mountain anymore!" She says sharply, tired of having to deal with all these excuses every time she suggested to do something outside of work.
"I didn't say full!" Sam objects.
"Ah! I don't care. Sam, when is the last time you took some time off?" Doctor Fraiser would like to know. As there isn't a reply she continues. "I don't believe you have taken a day off every since the Colonel died." She points out and then regrets her words at the mention of Jack for a second allows the hurt behind Sam's blue eyes to break through the barriers. But she wasn't backing off now, at least she had a reaction.
"I have!" Sam protests as she has recovered from the momentarily *weakness*. "With Christmas, I went to see Mark."
"Sure, after your dad forced you to!" Janet shakes her head and wants to continue the argument when her voice gets drowned out by the speakers that come to life.
*Unauthorised off world activation*
"Who is off-world?" Sam asks the doctor, glad to escape the route this questioning was taking.
"SG-2, 6 and 10." Janet answers. "But they aren't due back in another 18 hours."
Before Janet can protest or object Sam slips off the bed and leaves the infirmary.
"Sam, I haven't finished your examination!" Doctor Fraiser calls after her but Carter ignores it.
Sam prays that when she gets back to the infirmary she will have some kind of news that will keep Janet occupied. She knows that her friend just wants to help but right now, she doesn't need any help. Couldn't they understand that she didn't want to feel better? The pain had become a part of her job. Out there she would fight, put aside her grief and all emotions related to it. Her mind was focused and keeping her team safe was all that really mattered. For a second she considers that maybe this was exactly what Jack O'Neill had been doing. The job just temporarily keeping him away from the sense of loss that he felt thinking back to Charlie and Sara. But as she entered the control room she pushed the thoughts aside. Right here she was Colonel Samantha Carter, a USAF officer.
The alarm is still blaring as General Hammond stands behind Graham Simmons. In the gate room the SF's are aiming their guns at the stargate. The impressing metal ring is obstructed by the iris, giving them all a somewhat false sense of security. The iris has proven it's worth on numerous times before but it had also shown that it wasn't infallible.
"Are we receiving a GDO?" Hammond asks, his eyes fixed on the gate, maybe he too was considering what dangers were trying to come through the gate to torment Cheyenne Mountain. A blue shimmering light across the back wall testifies of the presence of the wormhole but there are no thuds betraying that someone is trying to come through.
"No, sir." Simmons replies and there is an eerie silence as everyone continues to watch the stargate, as if somehow it would tell them who was on the other side if they just kept watching long enough.
"Sir." It's Simmons' tense voice that draws Sam's and the General's attention back to the computer screen and suddenly numbers are appearing there. "I'm receiving a GDO." He informs them but there is disbelieve in his voice.
"Who is it from?" Hammond urges him to continue speaking.
"It's SG-1's." The reply comes and Sam and Hammond look at each other confused.
"That's impossible, we're all on base." Sam says right away and she leans over Simmons' shoulder to see with her own eyes what he replies after that.
"It's an old GDO, the one assigned to SG-1 about the time..."
Sam doesn't let him finish the sentence. "That Colonel O'Neill died." She pushes away from the screen and looks at the General. "Sir, open the iris." She doesn't know what she is feeling as her heart beats in her ears. A wrenching feeling settles in her chest as she looks pleadingly at the General.
"Colonel, for all we know the goa'uld got hold of his GDO and are waiting with an army on the other side of the gate.
"Sir, if that was so we would be hearing Jaffa bump into the iris right now. For all we know the next sound we hear is Colonel O'Neill." She points towards the stargate and prays there won't be a thud to confirm her words.
"If it is Colonel O'Neill he will wait for us to send a MALP through and confirm that it really is him." Hammond tries to reason with Sam but she shakes her head fervently.
"Sir, he might not have the time to wait for a MALP to be send back!" She argues, panic creeping into her voice. "If he really is alive and trying to come back, who knows in what circumstances he is right now. We can not risk it. Too much is at stake. Please, open the iris." She would be begging on her knees if she knew it would help convince the General.
Her words seem to have their effect on the elder man as he nods. "Open the iris." He commands Simmons and bows towards the microphone to give the SF's in the gate room their orders.
Sam doesn't wait to listen to what he is saying. As soon as she heard him agree to open the iris she bolted out of the control room, down the stairs and on her way to the gate room. She enters just in time to see the iron shielding pull back to reveal the shimmering surface of the stargate. The soldiers around her tense, their weapons aimed at whatever or whoever might be coming through any second now.
She can hear footsteps behind her and briefly turns to notice the General has entered the gate room as well. Not a very strategic move from him, the Colonel inside her remarks. If Jack is really dead and armed forces are waiting to invade the mountain right now, he shouldn't be in the frontline. Together with that thought Sam realises what is really keeping everyone in the room so quiet and tense. It isn't the idea of a whole army of Jaffa swarming through the gate right now. It is something else she reads on Daniel's and Teal'c's face as both men enter the gate room closely behind General Hammond, Sam hadn't even noticed their presence earlier. The white robe in the hall tells her even Janet is here, waiting with a medical team. Swallowing Sam turns her head back towards the gate, it was hope that tied them all together right now. Hope that either would be crushed any second now or maybe just maybe...
Her muscles tense at the idea, her heart seems to stop beating in her chest as she finally realises what is happening. Jack O'Neill could be alive. After all that time, he could still be out there, living, breathing. She doesn't notice that her hands are shaking, doesn't notice she just walked up to the end of the ramp, disregarding the shouts from the SF standing next to her to go back. Her eyes are fixed on the middle of the stargate, the surface of the wormhole is rippling and soon something comes through, the end of a staff-weapon. She sucks in a breath, her world shattering once more. The hope turning into a panic, she just begged to have the iris open for a goa'uld army. She just sealed the fate of the entire earth because she wanted to believe that the man she left behind almost two years ago is still alive.
Suddenly a hand is on her shoulder and she is being pulled back by the SF. She can hear his angry voice, telling her she should stay behind them but the sick fascination inside her chooses to ignore his warnings. Before her eyes the staff-weapon gets pulled back and then the person on the other side makes up his mind and pushes through the surface. No one dares to move as the man puts his feet firmly on the metal ramp.
"Close the iris." His voice rings out and the familiarity makes Sam shudder. No one seems to move in the gate room. Not the SF's, not the General, Daniel, Teal'c, the doctor or the man on top of the ramp. Sam can't make out the features of his face, she is too far away to see his dark eyes and the expression behind them. But she does recognise his posture, the way he is holding the staff-weapon, the sound of command in his voice. It's all there, too familiar to not be recognised but at the same time too different to be real. The immobile universe that just came into being inside the gate room gets shattered as a staffblast comes through the wormhole and the impressing figure at the end of the gate ducks. "CLOSE THE DAMN IRIS!" He barks again, driving any feeling of being stuck in a dream away. This is real, this couldn't be any more real.
The gate room breathes again, hands tighten around the weapons they are clutching so fiercely. Behind the lines another commanding voice rises up, ordering Simmons to close the iris. And as slowly movement returns to the room, the figure at the end of the ramp lets the staff-weapon fall down. The clatter of metal on metal drowns out the voices around her and the iris covers the blue shimmering lake, putting the lonesome figure in front of the stargate in a shadow. His knees buckles under him as if the trinium shield just cut of the cords that were keeping him on his feet. As he falls down on the hard, cold ramp Sam can feel herself running towards him. She forgets all the people around her as she falls down on her knees next to him. Her eyes travel over his body, needing to make sure this is really him and not some figment of her imagination. Her fingers are on his throat, looking for a pulse, a sign of life. Her lips are moving in a silent prayer.
"Please be alive, please be alive." She mutters it, no one but her and him hearing the words. There is a beat, slow and barely noticeable but it's there all the same. Her eyes sweep over his face, the long beard betraying the lack of hygiene on whatever planet he was. Then she notices his dark brown eyes are watching her, Sam can look right into his soul and for a second she reads the pain, the fear, the longing, the relief and the hope in there.
"Carter," he whispers and she can feel his hand clutching her sleeve. Then his eyes flutter closed and he loses consciousness.
Sam gasps for air as he recognises her, the hand that was holding on to her falls from her arm to the ground. She gently picks it up and puts it over his chest. "It's okay, sir. You're home." She whispers as she notices something glittering on his chest, half covered by the dirty robe he is wearing instead of his normal BDU's.
A strong hand on her shoulder forces Sam to look up. Janet is sitting at the other side of the unconscious man, examining him quickly and trying to assess if they can move him without danger.
"Colonel Carter, I think it would be wise to give Doctor Fraiser room to work." The low but gentle voice of Teal'c informs her. His fingers tighten around her shoulder as to try and convince her of the necessity to move away. But Sam couldn't, not until she was sure. So instead of standing up she reaches out and gently pushes the robe aside, uncovering the scarred skin of his chest. The glitter that drew her attention is nothing else than the man's dogtag, not the standard two plaques but just one.
Sam's breath gets caught in her throat and she can feel the whole world spinning around her. Hope gets replaced by a certainty that is as liberating as it is terrifying. Colonel Jack O'Neill has returned home after one year, eight months, two weeks and three days. The hand on her shoulder pulls her up on her feet again to allow the medics to move him unto a stretcher.
"Is he alright?" Daniel asks and Sam is surprised to find him standing by her side.
"I don't know, Daniel." Comes the uncertain answer from the doctor. She shouts some orders to her medical staff and they quickly push the stretcher outside the gate room. SG-1 remains standing on the ramp, looking how their former CO gets wheeled outside. There doesn't seem to be any words between them that could explain what they are thinking.
"Why don't you three accompany me to the infirmary?" General Hammond asks standing at the beginning of the ramp. Sam nods, she knows it isn't an order but takes it as one as right now her brain seems to have frozen up entirely.
"Yes, sir." She answers softly and walks up to the General, Teal'c's hand finally falling from her shoulder as she makes the movement.
"I can't believe this is happening." Daniel whispers amazed and she half expects him to start rambling, to come up with idea's about what could have happened to Jack during all those months that he was gone. To her relief he doesn't, he just walks by her side and Teal'c follows them.
In silence they walk to the infirmary, no one knows what to say. It felt like a dream and Sam just wasn't sure if it was a good one or a nightmare. A nurse informs them that they will have to wait outside until Doctor Fraiser is finished with the Colonel. General Hammond agrees but not before ordering her to come and report to them as soon as she knows anything for certain.
Daniel falls down in one of the plastic chairs outside and General Hammond takes the one beside him. Teal'c doesn't see the need to sit down and remains standing next to Daniel Jackson. His stoic face betrays nothing of emotion and Sam can't help but wonder how the Jaffa is infected by this all. It isn't so much that she wants to know what Teal'c is thinking, not that she doesn't care, but she knows that if she right now goes into her own feelings she might not get out again. She draws up a wall inside her, pushing all the impressions back behind it until she can tear it down again when no one is watching her.
It is two hours later when finally the door to the infirmary opens again and Doctor Fraiser walks outside as Sam is trying to decide whether the time is going really slow or really fast. She pushes herself back on her feet and looks at her friend, waiting for what she has to tell. Of course she isn't the only one interested as both Daniel and General Hammond stand up together. Even Teal'c seems to rise up even though he hadn't been sitting down.
"Doctor, how is he doing?" Hammond asks.
Janet sighs as she holds the chart against her chest protectively. "That depends how you look at it, sir." She answers as she too seems to have mixed feelings about Colonel O'Neill's return. "There are still some tests I would like to perform tomorrow but I think it is safe to say that physically he is going to be alright... given enough time to recuperate of course. He has some cuts and bruises over his body and is suffering from dehydration and malnutrition. Basically his body is exhausted at the moment. Telling by the scar tissue I have found all over his body I think he must have been tortured. He regained consciousness just a couple of minutes ago but he is really very weak and I'm not sure what the psychological impact of this all was."
Hammond nods. "Doctor, I know we are all happy to see Colonel O'Neill back but is there any chance that he might be a danger to the SGC?" Sam knows that he has to ask this, they couldn't ignore the attempts to destroy the Mountain that already had been made in the past. The goa'uld never thought twice about using people for this purpose, they had used Cassie, Teal'c's son and Martouf.
"As far as I can tell he is clean, sir. I haven't found anything to prove that they somehow messed with him. I'm hoping the tests I will do tomorrow will confirm that." Janet answers, putting them all at ease again.
"Very well, Doctor." Hammond smiles at her.
"Er..., Janet?" Daniel speaks up now and the doctor turns to him smiling. "Can we see him?" He asks pushing his glasses up a bit and with an expecting look watches the doctor.
"He needs to get some rest, Daniel. I just gave him a sedative." Janet objects, thinking about what is best for her patient.
"Yeah, I know but just a minute. We haven't seen him for over a year and a half!" The archaeologist looks at her pleadingly, knowing she can't ignore the fact that they all, herself included, missed Colonel O'Neill even though he could be a pain in the neck sometimes.
Janet sighs and nods. "Ok, but just for a minute. And don't keep him talking. He needs to rest." She looks threateningly at everyone to get her point across.
"Sure." Daniel grins and heads into the infirmary, followed by Teal'c and then General Hammond and Fraiser who are discussing the condition of the patient.
Sam is left standing in the hall and then walks up to the door. She nearly enters the infirmary when she hears the soft voice of Daniel and then a low and exhausted reply from the Colonel. As soon as she hears him, Sam freezes right where she is standing. She never thought to hear that voice again. Even though he sounds tired, she can hear a sense of relief in it. Her chest tightens as she replays in her head the moment she last saw him. He had asked her to leave, and she had done as she had been told. She had left him behind and god knows what Jack O'Neill had gone through all those months while she had taken his place at the SGC and in SG-1. She had considered him dead, never to return here ever again. A strangled gasp escapes her throat and she turns on her heels, fleeing from the infirmary, fleeing from the man inside and the emotions he awakes inside of her.
TO BE CONTINUED
Oh don't sorrow, no don't weep
For tonight, at last
I am coming home
(U2 ~ A sort of homecoming)