Disclaimer: If I owned Esca, I wouldn't be depending on THIS to keep me
occupied… In other words, my precious lil' bishonen and my kitties will
NEVER be mine! WAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Maybe I should end it all now! OOOOOOOOOOOH!
A GREEN DONUT! * Happily walks off munching her pastry *
A/N: Please read and review! I appreciate it! And laughing is allowed although not required.
Oh yeah, call-outs:
Amber and Emeralds- A continuation of Esca when Hitomi returns and war follows by my friend Kiddi Chi!
Millerna and Hippie- An Esca parody of Romeo and Juliet by REAL Gaz. It's really amusing, check it out… Also, check out 'Escahontas' by REAL Gaz, which is obviously a Pocahontas parody… Both are hilarious and will have you falling out of your swivel chair in laughter… I know, I have…
All poems by NekuraTak, they are all very morbid and good!
The two short fics by NariaandEriya, because it's me and my best friend Nagi-chan's account!
Any fic by Phantom Angel, she is the queen of Esca fics!
When We Meet Again *~*- A dramatic fic by Lovely Videl when Van comes to the Mystic Moon to find Hitomi, it's a wonderful fic!
The Journey to Ultimate Happiness- A really good fic by Dilandau's Girl, when Hitomi goes back to Gaea, becomes pregnant, and returns home where Van comes chasing after her…
The Angel with raven colored hair- This is another great Esca continuation by my friend Baby-chan, check it out, I'm sure you'll love it!
READ ALL ESCA FICS BY ZTARLIGHT! HER FICS ARE THE BEST!
OH yeah, I recommend all of my other fics cuz I'm kind of annoying… Most of them are quite good…
If you'd like me to plug in any of your fics or read them, just tell me in your reviews, k? Thanks! ^_^
Kiddi Chi: Ya gotta read more Washu-chan! But I'm glad you think it's funny… That's a compliment coming from you! I reviewed "Ambers and Emeralds" though, so be happy, k? See ya at school!
NekuraTak: Thank you for braving Washu's wrath Amie-chan! I hope ya like it; it's as crazy as me, right? Lol… It's fun to be sugar-high! * Giggles insanely muttering in French *
Rei aka Laura of Spirit: I'm glad you think it's cool! Arigatou! As for the names, there are like a billion different spellings. I've seen Chesta, Shesta, Daret, Dalet, Dallet, and about a gillion others. We all know who the character-dudes are so I hope the spellings don't bother anyone, thanks for bringing that up! ^_~
Nagi-chan: Hyperness is awesome Nagi-chan-friend and you know it! My costumes rock! OH YEAH! I WANT TO BE PO TOO! WAHHHHHHHH! Life is so hard. : ( I want to follow your advice, I'll see what I can do about killing Millerna even though I'm sure Katie-chan won't appreciate it… Lol, keep reading Nat! ^_^
JoJo: I love writing this, and I'm glad you guys are loving it too! Here's the next chappie as promised! It's great you have as much fun reading it as I have writing it! ^_^
???: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MY MASTER PLAN HAS TAKEN FOLD! WITH MY ONE RETARDED FIC I WILL MAKE THE ENTIRE WORLD SILENCE! * Looks around and everyone is giving her a weird look while sweatdropping… * Umm… Cough Cough…
Escagurlie: I've got two words for you nice person: Thank you! : )
Baby-chan: Hey Marisol-chan! EMAIL ME! (READ HER FICS PEEPS!) Don't hurt urself while rolling on the ground laughing… You're so nice Marisol friend! I read Chapter 11 of ur Esca fic, it was great! It's hard to be special, ain't it? It's nice to have understanding friends! ^_^
REAL Gaz: Yes Katie-chan, that play was very scary… Funny though… I'm glad you like the fic, I reviewed Escahontas didn't I? I read 101 Girs! IT WAS SO FUNNY! Oh yeah, did you see Tak: The Hideous New Girl on Friday? LOVED IT! Glad ya like the fic! Hope to see you and Amie soon! Ja! ^_^
Thanks great reviewer people! YOU ARE THE BEST! THE REST OF YOU ARE UNWORTHY TO CLEAN MY TRACK SHOES! (And they're dirty…) ^_^;
Chapter 13: Getting Off Track
"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Millerna continued to howl in depression from Dilly's putdown.
"THERE YOU GO WITH THAT DILLY AGAIN!" Dilly hissed at the annoying author.
(A/N: But… Dilly… * Author gets all teary eyed *)
"YOU DID IT AGAIN!" Dilly whipped out his flame-thrower.
(A/N: What are you going to do with that? * Looks nervous *)
"I know a certain bunch of fics by a certain blonde that need a flaming…" Dilandau grinned and began to run out. Unfortunately for him, he forgot that thanks to Millerna-Hime he had six bug-like legs and promptly tripped over them all, his annoying feelers whacking him in the face.
"UGH! STUPID BUG-THING! DIE!" He used his flame-thrower on the costume and sighed in relief to think that all his problems might end now.
"Hey is it hot in here or is it just me?" Dilandau smirked as he made a macho pose.
"It's DEFINITELY not you…" Hitomi muttered, hugging Van's arm.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Dilandau commented.
"Dilly, your arm is on fire…" Folken muttered, his eyes widening a bit.
"What are you babbling about now Folken…?" Dilly asked, not having heard Zaibach's Strategos and his warning of doom.
"DILLY! YOU'RE BURNING UP!"
"What the heck are you talking about? I'm not sick! AND STOP CALLING ME DILLY!"
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"
"Wow, you're sure morbid! I told you not to steal Hitomi's Tarot Cards! Tell me oh great master, how shall I die?"
"You're going to be burned alive because of your stupid pyro-tendancies…"
"What… I… AIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Dilly noticed a flame whip up around him and quickly jumped off the Vione into the lake below.
"Should somebody get him?" Folken asked.
"Yep!" Gatty started dancing around.
"WELL THEN GET TO IT!"
"K THEN!" Gatty jumped into his Alseides and zoomed down to pick up his soaked commander.
Dilly stepped out, fuming in anger and scorched.
"A soggy pyro is not a happy pyro…"
"That's nice Dilly." Folkie threw him a towel and the silver-haired boy dried himself off, his tiara particularly wet as he wiped it off and watched the dragon and the girl from the Mystic Moon.
"HITOMI!" Van hissed as his arm turned blue.
"Yes Van?" She asked, her eyes tightly closed as she squeezed the life out of his poor appendage.
"Hitomi… Please… You're cutting off my circulation…" He then passed out.
Hitomi opened her eyes and looked down to see Van collapsed at her feet with a blue arm.
"I do have that effect on men." She grinned and everybody fell over anime- style.
She then looked down at her blue beau.
"Hey… Does anybody know the heimlach maneuver?"
"Hitomi… What help would that be?" Folken asked, sweatdropping.
"I dunno… It just came to mind…" She had a faraway look.
"What you want to ask is if anyone knows CPR."
"Oh yeah! That's right!" She grinned again and Dilly came up behind to strangle her. She turned around and he quickly hid his singed arms behind his back and began to whistle.
"Hey! You're kinda cute!" She smiled, grabbing hold of Dilandau's arm.
"HEY! NO TOUCHY! NO TOUCHY! I DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE FANEL!" Dilandau protested, pulling away from the seeress's grasp.
"Well, you sure become infatuated easily…" Folken commented.
"Why else do you think she fell in love with me?" Allen asked.
"You realize, of course Allen, you just insulted yourself." Dilandau commented.
"He's showing his inner blonde!" Gatty proclaimed, rushing over.
"I'm so very proud!" He teared up and hugged Allen.
Millerna loomed overhead and lightning cracked above her.
"Get… away… from… my… man… now… OR ELSE!" She screeched as Gatty whimpered and tiptoed away.
"Blondes scare me." Dilly commented.
(A/N: I FEEL HURT! BOO! HOO! HOO! : (
"ESPECIALLY YOU! EVIL AUTHOR-DUDE!" Dilly shook his fist at the blonde above.
(A/N: I wouldn't say that Dilly… I CONTROL YOUR FATE! BWEHEHEHEHE! * Dilly's arms and legs begin to wiggle as the blonde cackles in delight. *)
"HEY! I CONTROL FATE!" Dorny protested.
(A/N: * Author shies away from the living beard.
"Dilly… Get him to go away… He scares me…")
"FINALLY SOMETHING WE AGREE ON!" Dilly smirked, tossing Dornkirk into the closet where he continued to curse and rant.
"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS DILANDAU!" The beard screamed from the closet.
"Right… I'm shaking Beardy! And that's LORD Dilandau to you! Show him Gatty!"
Gatty stepped up.
"Dilandau… I…"
SLAP!
"I mean… Lord Dilandau…" Gatty bowed deeply.
"And you may notice that there is neither a blister nor redness while Dilandau-sama wear's his fire-proof dragon-hide gloves!" Gatty sounded a lot like a TV commercial-dude and began to scare everybody.
"That's how it's done!" Dilly grinned.
"You know… This closet makes a better door than a window." Dornkirk commented dejectedly.
"Uh… Aren't we forgetting something?" Folken asked.
"What could that be?" Hitomi asked in puzzlment.
"Uh… Your boyfriend is blue for crying out loud!"
"Oh yeah! Van-kun!" She smiled.
"Mouth to mouth?" Everybody just gave her a weak nod.
As she closed in, a ferocious "MEOW" was heard and Hitomi was knocked over.
"AIEEEEEEEE!"
"OH VAN-SAMA! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? DID THAT STUPID GIRL HURT YOU?! VAN-SAMA!" Merle squealed in anxiety.
"Merle?" Hitomi asked in a dazed voice.
"I see little birdies… They're all flying around my head… They're so pretty!" She promptly passed out.
"Hmm?" Merle looked around in confusion.
"What's wrong with Lord Van and Hitomi?"
"It's all the excitement…" Folken muttered sarcastically.
"WHY IS LORD VAN DRESSED LIKE A TELLY TUBBY?!" Merle's tail bristled in alarm.
"I'LL SAVE YOU LORD VAN!" She attempted to remove the costume, but he awakened.
"HOW'D HE DO THAT?!" Dilandau whined.
(A/N: I AM THE MAGICAL AUTHOR! I DO WHAT I WISH! I CONTROL YOU ALL! MWAHAHAHAHA! BWEHEHE! Look what I can do! * Two talking blocks of wood appear, looking confused… Or as confused as two blocks of wood can look… * The author begins to drink tea with them and they seem quite annoyed. * * Katie dashes in and drags them away, sloshing all of the author's tea on them… * : (
"Uh oh! Po!" Van muttered, before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he passed out again.
"He got it right…" Hitomi murmured as she slipped back into her little dream world.
* 1 Hour Later *
* Everyone is either unconscious or asleep… Don't ask… *
"AIEEEEEEEEEE!" Hitomi screamed as she awoke in a cold sweat.
"Hitomi! Babe! What's wrong?" Van asked as he was instantly up at his girl's shriek.
"Oh Van… I had the most horrible vision…" Van held the shaking girl tightly and she calmed a bit.
"Tell me about it."
"Well… You see… I'm going up to this old lady's house on Halloween night… I ring the doorbell, say "Trick or Treat?" and she compliments my costume…" Van grimaced at the last thought.
"Then she reaches her hand into a bucket and…"
"AND…?" Van asked impatiently.
"SHE PULLS OUT SUGAR-FREE GUM AND HANDS IT TO ME!" Hitomi began to weep.
"That's it?" Van asked in annoyance.
"I NEED MY SUGAR VAN! IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME FROM GOING CRAZY!"
"Just how long has she not had sugar then?" Dilandau asked no one as he polished his sword.
"Oh Allen! You'll give me all your candy, won't you?" Millerna pleaded to him.
"But why Mille? I thought you were watching your weight…" Allen instantly realized his mistake as the princess fumed a bright red and started hissing.
"Allen Leon Schezar… HOW DARE YOU… I… I… HATE YOU!" She shrieked as she kicked him in the stomach and stormed out of the room.
She peaked back in.
"Oh yeah! And you're not my man!" She stuck her tongue out at him and flounced off.
"My dearest wish come true! SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME!" Allen praised the Lord, leaping around laughing and dancing with Hitomi.
"Hey! Don't get fresh with her!" Van insisted, punching Allen in the face and pulling Hitomi away.
"Oh Van! We were just dancing!" Hitomi pouted.
"Why can't I be YOUR girl and still flirt with all the cute guys around here?" She winked at Dilandau who shuddered uncontrollably.
"She never was this stupid in the show…" Folken muttered in annoyance.
"You never bonked your head constantly and Gatty wasn't a pixie in the show either…" Dilandau muttered.
"What'd you say Dilly?" Folken asked suspiciously.
"I said, 'You're right,' of course." Dilandau commented.
"Alright, if that's all you said." Folken turned his head in interest as the door opened again.
"OH ALLEN-CHAN! I COULDN'T LEAVE YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" Millerna glomped the blonde knight who groaned.
"NO! NO! NO! NO! WHY HAVE THE GODS CURSED ME SO?!"
"Oh Allen-chan! WHATEVER are you talking about?" The grinning Millerna asked, not understanding his rant.
"Oh nothing… nothing… Darn you…"
"WHAT WAS THAT?!"
"Oh… I love you too Mille-chan!" Allen sweatdropped with an overly large smile.
"Oh… Great!" She beamed, then a lightbulb appeared above her head.
"I know Allen! Let's get married!"
"WHAT?!" Allen shrieked in horror.
"Where'd that lightbulb come from?" Hitomi pondered, poking the appliance above the princess's head.
"Hey! Cut that out! This is my first one!" Millerna protested, stroking the lightbulb above her.
"That doesn't surprise me one bit…" Allen muttered.
"Allen-chan… We seem to be a bit critical today, don't we?"
"Who's 'we'?" Allen asked in annoyance.
"Oh yeah, what were we talking about?" Millerna asked in confusion.
"You're going to marry Allen!" Hitomi sighed dreamily with stars in her eyes.
"I am?" Millerna pondered the thought for a moment. Everyone gave her a look at her short attention span.
"Oh yes, I am!" Her eyes closed in an anime grin so she couldn't see everyone fall over anime style.
"NO!BonkNO!BonkNO!" Allen cried in dismay as he banged his head against the wall.
"HEY!" Folken exclaimed.
"I AM THE HEAD BONKING CHAMPION! DO YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME FOR MY TITLE?!" Folken flung himself into the wall next to Allen, relapsing into his never- ending brain damage.
"Hmm?" Allen wondered what Folken was doing since he hadn't bothered to visit the Vione for Christmas.
"Lord Folken! No! Don't! You lost too many brain cells in the last story! I'M under YOUR command! I'LL DO IT!" Eriya began to hit her head against the wall and Folken smiled at her devotion.
"OMIGOSH! FOLKEN SMILED!" Naria shrieked, fainting promptly.
Millerna looked around in confusion.
"Anyways… HITOMI! HITOMI!" She grabbed hold of Hitomi's arm.
"MILLERNA! MILLERNA!" Hitomi imitated her friend's excited expression latching onto her other arm.
"Hitomi… Before my wedding… Will you tell me my fortune?" Millerna gave the girl her puppydog eyes as she pleaded.
"My God! Didn't you learn anything from the stupid series?!" Van screamed in annoyance.
"I don't believe in pre-determined fate!" Hitomi smiled happily, remembering her line.
"That's right Hitomi!" Van beamed at her.
"THAT WAS THE STUPID MORAL!"
"Oh, I wasn't paying attention…" Millerna casually replied.
"I thought the moral was to never befriend guymelef pilots!" Everyone fell again.
"GOD! HERE YOU ARE MARRYING A STUPID GUYMELEF PILOT AND YOU THINK THE MORAL OF THE FREAKING SERIES WAS TO NEVER BEFRIEND THEM!" Merle screamed in annoyance.
"Hey now! Who are you calling stupid?!" Van demanded.
"Ara, gomen nasai Van-sama!" Merle glomped her beloved bishonen as he regretted his protest.
"Oh well, I'm sure Allen will give up his position as a Knight Caeli for me! Won't you Allen-kun?" She beamed at him as he paled.
"Uh… Right…"
'Allen, you moron! How do you get yourself into these situations?! I KNEW I should have done that Herbal Essences commercial instead of this show…' Allen cursed to himself.
"Hitomi, will you do my reading now?" Millerna asked, grabbing hold of Allen.
"DAIJOUBU, MILLERNA-HIME!" Hitomi beamed at her.
"What the heck did she just say?" Van asked in confusion, still not having mastered his Japanese.
(A/N: Hold on Van-sama, I'll help! * The Author pulls out her handy 'Japanese for Blondes' book and flips to the 'Expressions used by strange tarot-reading girls from The Mystic Moon' section. * Ah! Here we go! * Author beams. * Hitomi just said, "All right, Princess Millerna!")
Van sweatdrops, still not understanding how he could communicate with the story's writer.
"Umm… Thanks?"
(A/N: * Author smiles * Uerukamu Van-sama!)
"WHAT?!" Van was beyond frustration.
(A/N: -_-; Translated, that means "Welcome, Lord Van!")
Van scratches the back of his head and grins in apology.
"Umm… Arigatou?"
"OH VAN! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! I KNEW YOU'D PICK UP ON JAPANESE EVENTUALLY!" Hitomi smiled widely. Van mumbled a thanks, grinning sheepishly.
"Oh yeah, I was going to read your tarot cards, wasn't I Millerna-hime?"
"Yes, please do!" Millerna still squeezed the life out of Allen's arm.
"Let's get started then…" Hitomi lay out the Celtic spread on the table, Allen whispering cuss words, and Millerna filled with a blonde's hope.
(A/N: May I remind you all that this is to not offend any blondes, for I be one, I would be insulting myself, which I do enough already… ^_^;)
"I bet you 75 Gidaru that she'll prophesize their deaths!" Migel whispered to Chesta.
"Oh, I deplore betting." Chesta whispered quietly.
"Whatever." Migel muttered as he moved on to Viole.
"I bet you 75 Gidaru that she'll prophesize their deaths!" Migel whispered.
"I'm not betting against those odds… That's enough to pay for five dinners in Palas…" Viole murmured.
"MAN! I NEED MONEY!" He looked around for easy prey. He spotted Gatty.
"Gatty my friend…" Migel smiled sweetly.
"Do YOU want to be a pixie too?!" Gatty squealed in excitement.
"Uh… No thanks, I'm not worthy of such an honor, but say… How 'bout a friendly wager? I bet you 75 Gidaru that she'll prophesize their deaths!"
"Ahh… Why would she do that? I'll make the bet Migel!" Gatty smiled, walking away to sprinkle pixie dust on some unfortunate passerby.
"This'll be the easiest money I've ever made!" Migel grinned in satisfaction.
Hitomi began the reading, with Van watching while standing next to her.
"Oh my… Le Morte… The Death Card…" Hitomi trembled and Van held her hand.
'How did I know?' Migel wondered.
"You will die…" Hitomi whispered nonchalantly.
"Oh, that's nice… See Allen, we're going to die! Isn't that wonderful?"
"Oh yeah… Peachy…" Allen massaged his forehead in frustration.
"Hey Gatty! I believe you owe me 75 Gidaru!" Migel wandered off to look for the Pixie.
"Well, it's obvious, we should get married right away!" Millerna was overcome by happiness.
"Can anyone here perform marriages?"
"THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" Allen screamed in defiance.
"As a matter of fact I can! Besides being an Alchemist, I also happen to be a Minister." Dornkirk appeared out of nowhere, lugging a huge wooden cross.
"Oh Allen! Heaven is smiling down upon us!" Millerna looked skyward.
Allen looked upward in self-pity.
"I am cursed…"
He suddenly thought of something to hold off if not prevent the wedding.
"But Mille-chan, you have no wedding dress, you can't get married without a wedding dress!"
"I suppose not…" Millerna looked thoughtful.
"Oh, don't worry Millerna! I'm sure I can find one!" Hitomi dug around in her duffel bag, and pulled out Millerna's wedding dress from when she married Dryden.
"How'd you get a hold of that?" Allen asked dejectedly.
"Oh, Millerna had it repaired and she forgot it after the wedding, so the seamstress asked me to give it to her. But you know there's so many things in here that I have a hard time keeping track of stuff. Like just the other day, I lost Van's brownies."
"YOU LOST MY BROWNIES?!" Van shrieked in horror.
"I didn't 'lose' them Van, I 'misplaced' them!" Hitomi insisted.
"But, Millerna, we can't get married without rings!" Allen desperately tried to alter his fate.
"No, I guess not…" Millerna was quite depressed.
"I might be able to assist you Princess…" Moleman crawled out from under a table.
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!" Merle shrieked.
Moleman ignored her question and held out two rings in his grubby palm.
"Here you are."
"Wherever did you find these Mr. Mole?" Millerna asked in curiosity.
"Well, when Dryden gave you his ring and you left yours on your dresser, I couldn't resist…" He excused himself abruptly, crawling into an air duct.
"That was weird." Van commented.
"You said it Van-sama." Merle hugged her lord in agreement.
"Well, I see no reason to hold up the wedding any longer, so let's get these too hitched." Dornkirk said.
"Oh, I'm so excited!" Millerna squealed as she dragged Allen up to the altar.
"I forget most of the ceremony, so we'll skip to the good part…" Dorkirk muttered uninterested.
"Sir Allen, do you take Princess Millerna to be your lawfully wedded wife for as long as you both shall live?"
"Of course n-…" Millerna stomped on his foot and he howled in pain.
"I'll take that as a 'yes.'"
"And do you, Princess Millerna, take Sir Allen to be your lawfully wedded husband for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do!" Millerna shrieked in happiness. Allen sensed his eminent doom.
"Blah Blah Blah… If anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace…"
"I OBJECT!" Everyone turned in interest to see who interrupted Allen's doom. The Hippie had landed.
"DRYDEN?!" Millerna screamed in horror.
"Yes, Millerna, my love, I have come to stop you from ruining Allen's life… I mean, from ruining YOUR life…" Dryden calmly explained.
"So, why do you OBJECT…? This was just getting good…" Dornkirk commented.
"Because Millerna is still MY wife…" Dryden protested.
"WHAT?!" Everyone screamed at once, Millerna's voice the loudest.
"Remember Mille, I took you to Las Vegas to apologize for ruining your life, and we both got drunk and remarried? See, I have the marriage certificate right here." He showed her an official looking scroll.
"Let me get this straight… I spent half the stupid series pining for The Mystic Moon, and here you're telling me that you could have sent me back at any time?!" Hitomi hissed.
"Oh yeah, I invented a Mystic Moon transport years ago… It comes in handy sometimes… I forgot about it, sorry 'bout that…" Hitomi was speechless with rage.
"Well, I guess the wedding's off." Dornkirk stated the obvious.
"I guess so!" Allen tried to hide his ecstasy.
"Oh yeah, weren't we supposed to go out for Mischief Night?" Dilandau asked, noting it was 2:00 AM.
"Oh well, it didn't sound like much fun to me anyways…" Van muttered.
"Let's just TP Dornkirk…"
"Or better yet… Let's BURN Dornkirk!" Dilandau cackled lighting the old man's beard on fire with his flame-thrower.
"AUGH! I'M TOO ME TO DIE!" Dornkirk shrieked as his beard went up in flames.
"That's more like it…" Dilly said as he was amused by watching his 'Lord' run back and fourth across the room in terror, trying to smother the flames.
A/N: Well, I hope you guys liked it! No more school! YAY! Review and the next chapter will come up soon! I'd like 55 reviews please! Thanks! ^_^
~Trunks Gal~
A/N: Please read and review! I appreciate it! And laughing is allowed although not required.
Oh yeah, call-outs:
Amber and Emeralds- A continuation of Esca when Hitomi returns and war follows by my friend Kiddi Chi!
Millerna and Hippie- An Esca parody of Romeo and Juliet by REAL Gaz. It's really amusing, check it out… Also, check out 'Escahontas' by REAL Gaz, which is obviously a Pocahontas parody… Both are hilarious and will have you falling out of your swivel chair in laughter… I know, I have…
All poems by NekuraTak, they are all very morbid and good!
The two short fics by NariaandEriya, because it's me and my best friend Nagi-chan's account!
Any fic by Phantom Angel, she is the queen of Esca fics!
When We Meet Again *~*- A dramatic fic by Lovely Videl when Van comes to the Mystic Moon to find Hitomi, it's a wonderful fic!
The Journey to Ultimate Happiness- A really good fic by Dilandau's Girl, when Hitomi goes back to Gaea, becomes pregnant, and returns home where Van comes chasing after her…
The Angel with raven colored hair- This is another great Esca continuation by my friend Baby-chan, check it out, I'm sure you'll love it!
READ ALL ESCA FICS BY ZTARLIGHT! HER FICS ARE THE BEST!
OH yeah, I recommend all of my other fics cuz I'm kind of annoying… Most of them are quite good…
If you'd like me to plug in any of your fics or read them, just tell me in your reviews, k? Thanks! ^_^
Kiddi Chi: Ya gotta read more Washu-chan! But I'm glad you think it's funny… That's a compliment coming from you! I reviewed "Ambers and Emeralds" though, so be happy, k? See ya at school!
NekuraTak: Thank you for braving Washu's wrath Amie-chan! I hope ya like it; it's as crazy as me, right? Lol… It's fun to be sugar-high! * Giggles insanely muttering in French *
Rei aka Laura of Spirit: I'm glad you think it's cool! Arigatou! As for the names, there are like a billion different spellings. I've seen Chesta, Shesta, Daret, Dalet, Dallet, and about a gillion others. We all know who the character-dudes are so I hope the spellings don't bother anyone, thanks for bringing that up! ^_~
Nagi-chan: Hyperness is awesome Nagi-chan-friend and you know it! My costumes rock! OH YEAH! I WANT TO BE PO TOO! WAHHHHHHHH! Life is so hard. : ( I want to follow your advice, I'll see what I can do about killing Millerna even though I'm sure Katie-chan won't appreciate it… Lol, keep reading Nat! ^_^
JoJo: I love writing this, and I'm glad you guys are loving it too! Here's the next chappie as promised! It's great you have as much fun reading it as I have writing it! ^_^
???: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MY MASTER PLAN HAS TAKEN FOLD! WITH MY ONE RETARDED FIC I WILL MAKE THE ENTIRE WORLD SILENCE! * Looks around and everyone is giving her a weird look while sweatdropping… * Umm… Cough Cough…
Escagurlie: I've got two words for you nice person: Thank you! : )
Baby-chan: Hey Marisol-chan! EMAIL ME! (READ HER FICS PEEPS!) Don't hurt urself while rolling on the ground laughing… You're so nice Marisol friend! I read Chapter 11 of ur Esca fic, it was great! It's hard to be special, ain't it? It's nice to have understanding friends! ^_^
REAL Gaz: Yes Katie-chan, that play was very scary… Funny though… I'm glad you like the fic, I reviewed Escahontas didn't I? I read 101 Girs! IT WAS SO FUNNY! Oh yeah, did you see Tak: The Hideous New Girl on Friday? LOVED IT! Glad ya like the fic! Hope to see you and Amie soon! Ja! ^_^
Thanks great reviewer people! YOU ARE THE BEST! THE REST OF YOU ARE UNWORTHY TO CLEAN MY TRACK SHOES! (And they're dirty…) ^_^;
Chapter 13: Getting Off Track
"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Millerna continued to howl in depression from Dilly's putdown.
"THERE YOU GO WITH THAT DILLY AGAIN!" Dilly hissed at the annoying author.
(A/N: But… Dilly… * Author gets all teary eyed *)
"YOU DID IT AGAIN!" Dilly whipped out his flame-thrower.
(A/N: What are you going to do with that? * Looks nervous *)
"I know a certain bunch of fics by a certain blonde that need a flaming…" Dilandau grinned and began to run out. Unfortunately for him, he forgot that thanks to Millerna-Hime he had six bug-like legs and promptly tripped over them all, his annoying feelers whacking him in the face.
"UGH! STUPID BUG-THING! DIE!" He used his flame-thrower on the costume and sighed in relief to think that all his problems might end now.
"Hey is it hot in here or is it just me?" Dilandau smirked as he made a macho pose.
"It's DEFINITELY not you…" Hitomi muttered, hugging Van's arm.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Dilandau commented.
"Dilly, your arm is on fire…" Folken muttered, his eyes widening a bit.
"What are you babbling about now Folken…?" Dilly asked, not having heard Zaibach's Strategos and his warning of doom.
"DILLY! YOU'RE BURNING UP!"
"What the heck are you talking about? I'm not sick! AND STOP CALLING ME DILLY!"
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"
"Wow, you're sure morbid! I told you not to steal Hitomi's Tarot Cards! Tell me oh great master, how shall I die?"
"You're going to be burned alive because of your stupid pyro-tendancies…"
"What… I… AIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Dilly noticed a flame whip up around him and quickly jumped off the Vione into the lake below.
"Should somebody get him?" Folken asked.
"Yep!" Gatty started dancing around.
"WELL THEN GET TO IT!"
"K THEN!" Gatty jumped into his Alseides and zoomed down to pick up his soaked commander.
Dilly stepped out, fuming in anger and scorched.
"A soggy pyro is not a happy pyro…"
"That's nice Dilly." Folkie threw him a towel and the silver-haired boy dried himself off, his tiara particularly wet as he wiped it off and watched the dragon and the girl from the Mystic Moon.
"HITOMI!" Van hissed as his arm turned blue.
"Yes Van?" She asked, her eyes tightly closed as she squeezed the life out of his poor appendage.
"Hitomi… Please… You're cutting off my circulation…" He then passed out.
Hitomi opened her eyes and looked down to see Van collapsed at her feet with a blue arm.
"I do have that effect on men." She grinned and everybody fell over anime- style.
She then looked down at her blue beau.
"Hey… Does anybody know the heimlach maneuver?"
"Hitomi… What help would that be?" Folken asked, sweatdropping.
"I dunno… It just came to mind…" She had a faraway look.
"What you want to ask is if anyone knows CPR."
"Oh yeah! That's right!" She grinned again and Dilly came up behind to strangle her. She turned around and he quickly hid his singed arms behind his back and began to whistle.
"Hey! You're kinda cute!" She smiled, grabbing hold of Dilandau's arm.
"HEY! NO TOUCHY! NO TOUCHY! I DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE FANEL!" Dilandau protested, pulling away from the seeress's grasp.
"Well, you sure become infatuated easily…" Folken commented.
"Why else do you think she fell in love with me?" Allen asked.
"You realize, of course Allen, you just insulted yourself." Dilandau commented.
"He's showing his inner blonde!" Gatty proclaimed, rushing over.
"I'm so very proud!" He teared up and hugged Allen.
Millerna loomed overhead and lightning cracked above her.
"Get… away… from… my… man… now… OR ELSE!" She screeched as Gatty whimpered and tiptoed away.
"Blondes scare me." Dilly commented.
(A/N: I FEEL HURT! BOO! HOO! HOO! : (
"ESPECIALLY YOU! EVIL AUTHOR-DUDE!" Dilly shook his fist at the blonde above.
(A/N: I wouldn't say that Dilly… I CONTROL YOUR FATE! BWEHEHEHEHE! * Dilly's arms and legs begin to wiggle as the blonde cackles in delight. *)
"HEY! I CONTROL FATE!" Dorny protested.
(A/N: * Author shies away from the living beard.
"Dilly… Get him to go away… He scares me…")
"FINALLY SOMETHING WE AGREE ON!" Dilly smirked, tossing Dornkirk into the closet where he continued to curse and rant.
"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS DILANDAU!" The beard screamed from the closet.
"Right… I'm shaking Beardy! And that's LORD Dilandau to you! Show him Gatty!"
Gatty stepped up.
"Dilandau… I…"
SLAP!
"I mean… Lord Dilandau…" Gatty bowed deeply.
"And you may notice that there is neither a blister nor redness while Dilandau-sama wear's his fire-proof dragon-hide gloves!" Gatty sounded a lot like a TV commercial-dude and began to scare everybody.
"That's how it's done!" Dilly grinned.
"You know… This closet makes a better door than a window." Dornkirk commented dejectedly.
"Uh… Aren't we forgetting something?" Folken asked.
"What could that be?" Hitomi asked in puzzlment.
"Uh… Your boyfriend is blue for crying out loud!"
"Oh yeah! Van-kun!" She smiled.
"Mouth to mouth?" Everybody just gave her a weak nod.
As she closed in, a ferocious "MEOW" was heard and Hitomi was knocked over.
"AIEEEEEEEE!"
"OH VAN-SAMA! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? DID THAT STUPID GIRL HURT YOU?! VAN-SAMA!" Merle squealed in anxiety.
"Merle?" Hitomi asked in a dazed voice.
"I see little birdies… They're all flying around my head… They're so pretty!" She promptly passed out.
"Hmm?" Merle looked around in confusion.
"What's wrong with Lord Van and Hitomi?"
"It's all the excitement…" Folken muttered sarcastically.
"WHY IS LORD VAN DRESSED LIKE A TELLY TUBBY?!" Merle's tail bristled in alarm.
"I'LL SAVE YOU LORD VAN!" She attempted to remove the costume, but he awakened.
"HOW'D HE DO THAT?!" Dilandau whined.
(A/N: I AM THE MAGICAL AUTHOR! I DO WHAT I WISH! I CONTROL YOU ALL! MWAHAHAHAHA! BWEHEHE! Look what I can do! * Two talking blocks of wood appear, looking confused… Or as confused as two blocks of wood can look… * The author begins to drink tea with them and they seem quite annoyed. * * Katie dashes in and drags them away, sloshing all of the author's tea on them… * : (
"Uh oh! Po!" Van muttered, before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he passed out again.
"He got it right…" Hitomi murmured as she slipped back into her little dream world.
* 1 Hour Later *
* Everyone is either unconscious or asleep… Don't ask… *
"AIEEEEEEEEEE!" Hitomi screamed as she awoke in a cold sweat.
"Hitomi! Babe! What's wrong?" Van asked as he was instantly up at his girl's shriek.
"Oh Van… I had the most horrible vision…" Van held the shaking girl tightly and she calmed a bit.
"Tell me about it."
"Well… You see… I'm going up to this old lady's house on Halloween night… I ring the doorbell, say "Trick or Treat?" and she compliments my costume…" Van grimaced at the last thought.
"Then she reaches her hand into a bucket and…"
"AND…?" Van asked impatiently.
"SHE PULLS OUT SUGAR-FREE GUM AND HANDS IT TO ME!" Hitomi began to weep.
"That's it?" Van asked in annoyance.
"I NEED MY SUGAR VAN! IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME FROM GOING CRAZY!"
"Just how long has she not had sugar then?" Dilandau asked no one as he polished his sword.
"Oh Allen! You'll give me all your candy, won't you?" Millerna pleaded to him.
"But why Mille? I thought you were watching your weight…" Allen instantly realized his mistake as the princess fumed a bright red and started hissing.
"Allen Leon Schezar… HOW DARE YOU… I… I… HATE YOU!" She shrieked as she kicked him in the stomach and stormed out of the room.
She peaked back in.
"Oh yeah! And you're not my man!" She stuck her tongue out at him and flounced off.
"My dearest wish come true! SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME!" Allen praised the Lord, leaping around laughing and dancing with Hitomi.
"Hey! Don't get fresh with her!" Van insisted, punching Allen in the face and pulling Hitomi away.
"Oh Van! We were just dancing!" Hitomi pouted.
"Why can't I be YOUR girl and still flirt with all the cute guys around here?" She winked at Dilandau who shuddered uncontrollably.
"She never was this stupid in the show…" Folken muttered in annoyance.
"You never bonked your head constantly and Gatty wasn't a pixie in the show either…" Dilandau muttered.
"What'd you say Dilly?" Folken asked suspiciously.
"I said, 'You're right,' of course." Dilandau commented.
"Alright, if that's all you said." Folken turned his head in interest as the door opened again.
"OH ALLEN-CHAN! I COULDN'T LEAVE YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" Millerna glomped the blonde knight who groaned.
"NO! NO! NO! NO! WHY HAVE THE GODS CURSED ME SO?!"
"Oh Allen-chan! WHATEVER are you talking about?" The grinning Millerna asked, not understanding his rant.
"Oh nothing… nothing… Darn you…"
"WHAT WAS THAT?!"
"Oh… I love you too Mille-chan!" Allen sweatdropped with an overly large smile.
"Oh… Great!" She beamed, then a lightbulb appeared above her head.
"I know Allen! Let's get married!"
"WHAT?!" Allen shrieked in horror.
"Where'd that lightbulb come from?" Hitomi pondered, poking the appliance above the princess's head.
"Hey! Cut that out! This is my first one!" Millerna protested, stroking the lightbulb above her.
"That doesn't surprise me one bit…" Allen muttered.
"Allen-chan… We seem to be a bit critical today, don't we?"
"Who's 'we'?" Allen asked in annoyance.
"Oh yeah, what were we talking about?" Millerna asked in confusion.
"You're going to marry Allen!" Hitomi sighed dreamily with stars in her eyes.
"I am?" Millerna pondered the thought for a moment. Everyone gave her a look at her short attention span.
"Oh yes, I am!" Her eyes closed in an anime grin so she couldn't see everyone fall over anime style.
"NO!BonkNO!BonkNO!" Allen cried in dismay as he banged his head against the wall.
"HEY!" Folken exclaimed.
"I AM THE HEAD BONKING CHAMPION! DO YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME FOR MY TITLE?!" Folken flung himself into the wall next to Allen, relapsing into his never- ending brain damage.
"Hmm?" Allen wondered what Folken was doing since he hadn't bothered to visit the Vione for Christmas.
"Lord Folken! No! Don't! You lost too many brain cells in the last story! I'M under YOUR command! I'LL DO IT!" Eriya began to hit her head against the wall and Folken smiled at her devotion.
"OMIGOSH! FOLKEN SMILED!" Naria shrieked, fainting promptly.
Millerna looked around in confusion.
"Anyways… HITOMI! HITOMI!" She grabbed hold of Hitomi's arm.
"MILLERNA! MILLERNA!" Hitomi imitated her friend's excited expression latching onto her other arm.
"Hitomi… Before my wedding… Will you tell me my fortune?" Millerna gave the girl her puppydog eyes as she pleaded.
"My God! Didn't you learn anything from the stupid series?!" Van screamed in annoyance.
"I don't believe in pre-determined fate!" Hitomi smiled happily, remembering her line.
"That's right Hitomi!" Van beamed at her.
"THAT WAS THE STUPID MORAL!"
"Oh, I wasn't paying attention…" Millerna casually replied.
"I thought the moral was to never befriend guymelef pilots!" Everyone fell again.
"GOD! HERE YOU ARE MARRYING A STUPID GUYMELEF PILOT AND YOU THINK THE MORAL OF THE FREAKING SERIES WAS TO NEVER BEFRIEND THEM!" Merle screamed in annoyance.
"Hey now! Who are you calling stupid?!" Van demanded.
"Ara, gomen nasai Van-sama!" Merle glomped her beloved bishonen as he regretted his protest.
"Oh well, I'm sure Allen will give up his position as a Knight Caeli for me! Won't you Allen-kun?" She beamed at him as he paled.
"Uh… Right…"
'Allen, you moron! How do you get yourself into these situations?! I KNEW I should have done that Herbal Essences commercial instead of this show…' Allen cursed to himself.
"Hitomi, will you do my reading now?" Millerna asked, grabbing hold of Allen.
"DAIJOUBU, MILLERNA-HIME!" Hitomi beamed at her.
"What the heck did she just say?" Van asked in confusion, still not having mastered his Japanese.
(A/N: Hold on Van-sama, I'll help! * The Author pulls out her handy 'Japanese for Blondes' book and flips to the 'Expressions used by strange tarot-reading girls from The Mystic Moon' section. * Ah! Here we go! * Author beams. * Hitomi just said, "All right, Princess Millerna!")
Van sweatdrops, still not understanding how he could communicate with the story's writer.
"Umm… Thanks?"
(A/N: * Author smiles * Uerukamu Van-sama!)
"WHAT?!" Van was beyond frustration.
(A/N: -_-; Translated, that means "Welcome, Lord Van!")
Van scratches the back of his head and grins in apology.
"Umm… Arigatou?"
"OH VAN! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! I KNEW YOU'D PICK UP ON JAPANESE EVENTUALLY!" Hitomi smiled widely. Van mumbled a thanks, grinning sheepishly.
"Oh yeah, I was going to read your tarot cards, wasn't I Millerna-hime?"
"Yes, please do!" Millerna still squeezed the life out of Allen's arm.
"Let's get started then…" Hitomi lay out the Celtic spread on the table, Allen whispering cuss words, and Millerna filled with a blonde's hope.
(A/N: May I remind you all that this is to not offend any blondes, for I be one, I would be insulting myself, which I do enough already… ^_^;)
"I bet you 75 Gidaru that she'll prophesize their deaths!" Migel whispered to Chesta.
"Oh, I deplore betting." Chesta whispered quietly.
"Whatever." Migel muttered as he moved on to Viole.
"I bet you 75 Gidaru that she'll prophesize their deaths!" Migel whispered.
"I'm not betting against those odds… That's enough to pay for five dinners in Palas…" Viole murmured.
"MAN! I NEED MONEY!" He looked around for easy prey. He spotted Gatty.
"Gatty my friend…" Migel smiled sweetly.
"Do YOU want to be a pixie too?!" Gatty squealed in excitement.
"Uh… No thanks, I'm not worthy of such an honor, but say… How 'bout a friendly wager? I bet you 75 Gidaru that she'll prophesize their deaths!"
"Ahh… Why would she do that? I'll make the bet Migel!" Gatty smiled, walking away to sprinkle pixie dust on some unfortunate passerby.
"This'll be the easiest money I've ever made!" Migel grinned in satisfaction.
Hitomi began the reading, with Van watching while standing next to her.
"Oh my… Le Morte… The Death Card…" Hitomi trembled and Van held her hand.
'How did I know?' Migel wondered.
"You will die…" Hitomi whispered nonchalantly.
"Oh, that's nice… See Allen, we're going to die! Isn't that wonderful?"
"Oh yeah… Peachy…" Allen massaged his forehead in frustration.
"Hey Gatty! I believe you owe me 75 Gidaru!" Migel wandered off to look for the Pixie.
"Well, it's obvious, we should get married right away!" Millerna was overcome by happiness.
"Can anyone here perform marriages?"
"THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" Allen screamed in defiance.
"As a matter of fact I can! Besides being an Alchemist, I also happen to be a Minister." Dornkirk appeared out of nowhere, lugging a huge wooden cross.
"Oh Allen! Heaven is smiling down upon us!" Millerna looked skyward.
Allen looked upward in self-pity.
"I am cursed…"
He suddenly thought of something to hold off if not prevent the wedding.
"But Mille-chan, you have no wedding dress, you can't get married without a wedding dress!"
"I suppose not…" Millerna looked thoughtful.
"Oh, don't worry Millerna! I'm sure I can find one!" Hitomi dug around in her duffel bag, and pulled out Millerna's wedding dress from when she married Dryden.
"How'd you get a hold of that?" Allen asked dejectedly.
"Oh, Millerna had it repaired and she forgot it after the wedding, so the seamstress asked me to give it to her. But you know there's so many things in here that I have a hard time keeping track of stuff. Like just the other day, I lost Van's brownies."
"YOU LOST MY BROWNIES?!" Van shrieked in horror.
"I didn't 'lose' them Van, I 'misplaced' them!" Hitomi insisted.
"But, Millerna, we can't get married without rings!" Allen desperately tried to alter his fate.
"No, I guess not…" Millerna was quite depressed.
"I might be able to assist you Princess…" Moleman crawled out from under a table.
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!" Merle shrieked.
Moleman ignored her question and held out two rings in his grubby palm.
"Here you are."
"Wherever did you find these Mr. Mole?" Millerna asked in curiosity.
"Well, when Dryden gave you his ring and you left yours on your dresser, I couldn't resist…" He excused himself abruptly, crawling into an air duct.
"That was weird." Van commented.
"You said it Van-sama." Merle hugged her lord in agreement.
"Well, I see no reason to hold up the wedding any longer, so let's get these too hitched." Dornkirk said.
"Oh, I'm so excited!" Millerna squealed as she dragged Allen up to the altar.
"I forget most of the ceremony, so we'll skip to the good part…" Dorkirk muttered uninterested.
"Sir Allen, do you take Princess Millerna to be your lawfully wedded wife for as long as you both shall live?"
"Of course n-…" Millerna stomped on his foot and he howled in pain.
"I'll take that as a 'yes.'"
"And do you, Princess Millerna, take Sir Allen to be your lawfully wedded husband for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do!" Millerna shrieked in happiness. Allen sensed his eminent doom.
"Blah Blah Blah… If anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace…"
"I OBJECT!" Everyone turned in interest to see who interrupted Allen's doom. The Hippie had landed.
"DRYDEN?!" Millerna screamed in horror.
"Yes, Millerna, my love, I have come to stop you from ruining Allen's life… I mean, from ruining YOUR life…" Dryden calmly explained.
"So, why do you OBJECT…? This was just getting good…" Dornkirk commented.
"Because Millerna is still MY wife…" Dryden protested.
"WHAT?!" Everyone screamed at once, Millerna's voice the loudest.
"Remember Mille, I took you to Las Vegas to apologize for ruining your life, and we both got drunk and remarried? See, I have the marriage certificate right here." He showed her an official looking scroll.
"Let me get this straight… I spent half the stupid series pining for The Mystic Moon, and here you're telling me that you could have sent me back at any time?!" Hitomi hissed.
"Oh yeah, I invented a Mystic Moon transport years ago… It comes in handy sometimes… I forgot about it, sorry 'bout that…" Hitomi was speechless with rage.
"Well, I guess the wedding's off." Dornkirk stated the obvious.
"I guess so!" Allen tried to hide his ecstasy.
"Oh yeah, weren't we supposed to go out for Mischief Night?" Dilandau asked, noting it was 2:00 AM.
"Oh well, it didn't sound like much fun to me anyways…" Van muttered.
"Let's just TP Dornkirk…"
"Or better yet… Let's BURN Dornkirk!" Dilandau cackled lighting the old man's beard on fire with his flame-thrower.
"AUGH! I'M TOO ME TO DIE!" Dornkirk shrieked as his beard went up in flames.
"That's more like it…" Dilly said as he was amused by watching his 'Lord' run back and fourth across the room in terror, trying to smother the flames.
A/N: Well, I hope you guys liked it! No more school! YAY! Review and the next chapter will come up soon! I'd like 55 reviews please! Thanks! ^_^
~Trunks Gal~