Disclaimer: Author: I don't own Esca… : ( Esca characters: THANK GOD! Author: Oh poo, you guys just don't appreciate me… (Don't own Nelly either… Not like I have any desire to, Dinah can HAVE him… *Pushes rapper at thrilled Dinah*
FICS YOU SHOULD READ!!!
The Esca Crew Visits THE BEACH- nagi-chan A hilarious fic about a beach, a vulture, a marshmallow, strip poker, and some teardrop tattoos… You don't want to miss it… Hooray for Random Plotless Fics- Fontina Blu Cent This fic is so funny! Like mine, it bashes everything from movies, to Herbal Essences, to TV shows, to degrading the mega-cool Esca characters… Beware the Country Bears and hang on for a ride you're unlikely to forget anytime soon… (Also check out "Millerna and Hippie") Tenkuu no Ryuugekitai- Gatti I adore this fic… It's a Dragonslayer and Dilandau fic. What if Migel survived Zongi's assassination attempt? What if Gatti fell in love? What if the Fanels were not the only ones with wings? Behind the Scenes of Escaflowne- JAINK (Me and my friends… ^^;) If you like my fic, you'll love the one me and my friends are doing… It is soooooooooooooooo funny! Lol… Dilandau's obsessed with Gameboy… Hitomi and Van are married…? Dornkirk's played by a mop?! (That explains a lot…) Find out the shocking truth of what goes on behind the scenes… of Escaflowne… Other Good authors include: NekuraTak Kiddi Chi Lovely Videl – Kaliko Rosa Ztarlight Fanilia Dilandau's girl Phantom Angel NariaandEriya Baby-chan A/N: I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! With the 15th chapter of "Folkie's Birthday". Today we begin the 2 chapter long "Psychos in the Psychiatrists Office" Series… Ooh, thanks for the reviews, appreciate them! I'd like to have 65 total for the next update, k? Thanks! Now on with the show! Chapter 15: May the Torture Commence The Esca crew stood silently in the Psychiatrist office in a huddle, somehow the Dragonslayers had joined them. "HEY! THIS ISN'T FAIR! WE WEREN'T EVEN IN THE FREAKIN' CHAPTER! WHY ARE WE BEING PUNISHED?!" Dalet yelled in protest. "Dalet-chan… If you weren't so cute, I'd kill you…" The author said sweetly. Dalet sweatdropped. "Umm… That's good to know, I guess…" "Well, I'm here and I don't want to be. Let's get this over with as soon as possible!" Dilandau proclaimed, marching up to the psychiatrist's door. "Sonny-boy, you'll have to wait your turn!" The ugly secretary intervened. "Aw, to hell with you, Prune face…" Dilandau dismissed her, barging into the room. "You see, I talk to a monkey and other inanimate objects… I even give them degradingly obvious names and teach them little songs I come up with." The annoying little Spanish girl explained to Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy. "Like me!" The purple bag-like thing exclaimed. "BACKPACK BACKPACK BACKPACK!" "I'm sorry for your suffering…" Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy apologized, almost pitying the bag-like thing. "Please continue, Miss… What's your name again?" Asked the doctor, looking up from his doodle of the girl being eaten by a rabid monkey. "Dora, the explorer! Do you want to hear my theme song again?" The girl asked in glee. "No, no, that's ALL RIGHT!" The psychiatrist sweatdropped. "I've memorized it from the 15 times you've serenaded me with it… See?" He leaped up on his desk and began to sing the song. "DORA DORA DORA THE EXPLORER!" Dora jumped up to and they began to sing. "You can't bust in there!" The receptionist ran over to Dilly. "Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy is a GENIUS! He has cured millions of troubled psychopaths like yourself! He's smart, graduated top in his class, is a wonderful man and he's soooooo handsome…" The lady got a dreamy look in her eyes and Dilandau gave her an odd glance. "I mean, and he makes a handsome salary…" She coughed, blushing.
"Yeah, Yeah, whatever Blondie, get out of my face!" Dilandau pushed her to the side and stormed in to see the doctor singing with a scary deformed Spanish girl. "This is the "genius" who's supposed to help us?" Dilandau asked doubtfully. "Hey! Who are you?! I'm still with my 9:01 appointment!" The psychiatrist whined. "We're your 9:07 appointment! DUH!" Hitomi exclaimed, unaware that she sucked at lying. "Umm… Alright then… That'll be all Miss Dora…" The psychiatrist called in his bouncers. "But wait! My appointment is till 9:10! I used all of my show's extremely low funding to come here and sort out my problems with you! I need my backpack!" Dora shrieked, kicking at the guys. "Sorry sister, I'm going to Las Vegas!" The backpack replied, leaping out the window. "I doubt it's that way." Hitomi said, listening to the SPLAT the bag-like thing made when it hit the street below and was promptly run over by a truck. "Oh well, the kids were getting sick of that sack anyway…" Dora muttered.
"For a sweet little pre-schooler, you've sure got a mean streak…" The guy known as Bob said. "Hey! How'd you get in here?!" One of the dudes from the psycho ward yelled, dragging him out. "Sorry 'bout that." He then grabbed Dora too and headed out the door. "But wait! I'm DORA! THE EXPLORER! MY NAME ALMOST RHYMES! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LEMME GO!" She shrieked. "Okay then… You must be Mr…" He looked at his list "…InuYasha… Well Mr. InuYasha that sure is an unusual name, let's start with that…" "I'm not 'Mr. InuYasha' whoever the hell that is!" Dilandau yelled. "I'm Mike. Just call me Mike." He nodded, liking the sound of that. "Aw! Dilly likes to kid around! Dontcha Dilly?" Hitomi punched him playfully. "Don't touch me." Dilly hissed. "See, like that! He's so funny! We call him Dilly, isn't that a cute name? I think so! Hey, my boyfriend isn't here, is he?" She looked around for Van and breathed a sigh of relief noticing he wasn't there. "Good, now I can finally express the feelings I've harbored since the series began!" She grabbed Dilly and kissed him as his eyes widened and he tried to get away. Van walked in just then. "Hey Hitomi I…" He looked at the scene before him and his eyes boggled. "Oh Van… It's you!" She quickly broke away from Dilandau. "You see, Dilly was choking! Oh it was horrible! Luckily, I was here to give him CPR and the Heimlech and all that good junk! Without me, he would've DIED!" She said dramatically. "WOW!" Van exclaimed. "You're a hero!" "I know." Hitomi replied, nodding as Dilandau gave her an indignant look. "I wasn't choking!" He muttered. "See, the lack of oxygen getting to his brains made him delusional, he doesn't even know where he is, do ya Dilly?" "I know where I am you idiot… I…" "Oh no! He's choking again!" She kissed him again and Van gave a disbelieving look. "Wow, I used to think I knew when that was happening, but now I know a perfectly normal looking person could actually be choking without me even noticing!" Van announced. Millerna walked in and he was about to give her CPR when he stopped himself. "The world would be better off anyhow…" He muttered, walking away and leaving Millerna more confused than usual. "Umm… Yeah, right… Now, who are you guys exactly?" The psychiatrist asked, about to call the psycho control guys back. "We're the Esca bunch!" Hitomi exclaimed, stopping her kiss with Dilly who started gagging and gargling with his portable mouthwash. "Here's a story…!" Allen burst in and everyone groaned, knowing what lay ahead. "About an ugly lady!" "Hey, I'm not that ugly!" Dornkirk screamed. "You'd think he'd have denied the lady part, wouldn't you?" Folken muttered in exasperation. "Who was bringing up a punk and a Goth!" "Cool! I'm a punk!" Dilly grinned happily. "I am NOT a Goth!" Folken yelled. "Here's a story, about a man named Allen! Who had all the girls drooling! There were some other dudes too, but no one cared about them much!" "Hey… I'm cared about…" Van whined. "Right, sure, whatever… Peace, man!" The Hippie formerly known as Dryden exclaimed walking in. "What the…?" Dilandau muttered. "I decided to embrace my hippie-self! It's all about the love, man!" Dryden commented, adjusting his sunglasses and straightening his leather headband. "Right… But why?"
"It's all about the love, man!" "Umm… Yeah, you said that already, but why?" "It's all about the love, man!" "Okay, this conversation is getting nowhere…" "Can I finish my song now?" Allen asked in annoyance. "We'd rather you didn't…" Dilandau began as Allen continued to belt out the horrendous tune. "Then one day, the author had an evil plot! Then they knew this group must somehow form a group of victims! And that's the way we all became the Esca Bunch! The Esca Bunch! The Esca Bunch! That's the way, we became the Esca bunch!" Allen beamed as everyone sweatdropped in unison. "Umm… That's nice… Let's get start…" He then watched as the other Esca characters filed in. "My God… There sure are a *gulp* lot of you…" "Yeah, what do you care?" Van muttered, laying on the couch. "Now tell me about myself Doc, I have a massage session at 10." He closed his eyes, waiting to be enlightened. "Good for you… SOME of us dream of just getting home to be with the wife…" He looked at a picture of a tabby cat on his desk and everyone gave him an extremely odd look, shaking their heads. "Don't even have time to buy her those catnip mice she wants so much. She never learned to drive you know…" He continued. "THIS guy is going to solve our problems?" Hitomi whispered to Van skeptically. "What problems? We don't have no problems!" Van replied in annoyance. "Van, dear, you're using a double negative." "A WHAT?" "A double negative… You really shouldn't use them you know, they make you sound stupid…" "So now you're calling me stupid, huh?" Van asked in anger. "I can see why this group got sent in…" Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy said. "You obviously need some lessons on getting along and being nice to people." "Umm… Whatever…" Allen muttered, downing a can of beer. "Yeah… Anyhoo… We're going to divide you into two groups. The Goodies and The Baddies and…" "I hope you realize that there are a whole lot more baddies than goodies here…" Van muttered. "Yes, but don't let that bother you. You'll have more time at the breakfast buffet."
"Are there donuts?" Van asked anxiously. "Yes, there are donuts." "YEAH! YOU GUYS SUCK! HAHA!" He jeered at the baddies who instantly began planning how to kill him. "As I was saying, a Miss Jessica told me that it was to be divided as such… The Goodies, going first will be: Van Fanel, Merle Who-Has-No-Last-Name, Dryden Fassa, Hitomi Kanzaki, Verona Kitaru, Millerna Aston, Refina Genzai, Allen Schezar, and Folken Fanel." "HEY! WAIT A SEC! I'M A BAD GUY!" Folken shrieked. "AND WHY IS MY GIRLFRIEND A "GOOD" GUY?! I'M A BAD GUY!" Dalet yelled. "Sorry, I'm just obeying the almighty author… Now shut up so I may go on…" The cast grumbled in annoyance. "The Baddies going after The Goodies will be: Dilandau Albatou, Dornkirk Old-Anorexic-Guy, Naria Kitty-Cat-Thing, Eriya Naria-is-a-jealous-son-of-Jajuka's-mom, Gatty Namuru, Migel Lavalier, Guimel Shitumi, Chesta Wan, Dalet Laregino, and Viole Kujo. The groups are a little uneven, but who really cares? Now, Baddies, kindly get out, we hate you after all…" "Wait, I'd like to request a team switch," Refina said boldly. "I'm too kind-hearted to be a Baddie, if you switch me, the groups will be practically even…" The Doctor looked at her over his spectacles.
"'Kay." He changed the list.
"Now hold on a sec, how come SHE gets to choose?!" Folken asked in frustration. "Simple. She doesn't have such vulgar tattoos." Folken's face turned red in annoyance, since he was fond of his body art. "Aw, cheer up Folken, I think that teardrop is VERY sexy…" Hitomi purred. "God no…" He muttered as he looked at Dilandau who gave him a knowing look. "Can we please move on?" Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy asked in exasperation. "I guess… But don't disturb the cucumbers, I'm letting my mask set…" Van muttered, as they noticed he was in a lawn chair trying to tan by the lamp, causing them all to sweatdrop. "Van Fanel, you're up first, would the rest of you please go outside with the Baddies?" The doctor asked. "Sure, donuts are filled with sugar! And besides, Dilly and I have to practice our CPR!" She giggled as Dilandau prepared to barf as they exited. "Umm… It would help if you stopped tanning and took off those vegetable slices…" The doctor suggested. "Whatever…" Van muttered, getting up and removing his cucumbers. "But if I don't make the next GQ cover, I'm suing…" "You do that…" The psychiatrist murmured. "So, tell me about yourself…" "What is there to say?" "Anything. Just tell me about yourself!" The doctor muttered in frustration at his unwillingness to comply. "Do you REALLY want to know?" Van asked devilishly. "Yes, I REALLY want to know…" The Psychiatrist replied. "Well, My friends call me Bubba, blue is my actual eye color, I have an obsession with rutabagas, my favorite show is Smallville… Somebody Save Me…" He began to sing the theme song. "My favorite color is pink, I've taken ballet since I was 3, Mother thought it would be good for me… I'm allergic to dragons, I break out in hives. Oh yes, every night me and Hitomi…"
"Okay, stop! I want NO details…" The psychiatrist muttered, his face turning bright red. "Well, it's the truth, you see, we…"
"SHUT UP!" "Alright…" Van agreed, leaning back. "What about your family troubles?" He asked Van. "You told me to shut up." "Up shut." "What does that mean?" "TALK YOU IDIOT!" The Psychiatrist screamed. "Why didn't you just say so?" If looks could kill, Van would be dead. "Well, my parents are dead and my gothic brother and I are all that remains…"
"I AM NOT A GOTH!" Folken shrieked. "RIGHT!" Van yelled back sarcastically. "You and your brother, do you talk a lot?" "Uh, duh… No…" "Maybe you should talk a lot… MAKE the time to talk, then maybe you'll…" "There we go Doc. I'd love to stay, but my dear friend Merle needs to go now. God only knows she has more psychological problems than me…" Van muttered as the doctor shook his head and the catgirl entered as Van exited. "MEOW! So what's up Doc?" Merle squeaked, bouncing into the chair. "Before I even start, what's your problem?" The doctor asked in an extremely bored tone. "Well, you see that b****, Hitomi is trying to steal Lord Van away from me!" "First, no cussing in the room of feelings, and then, are you even sure he's slightly interested in you?" The doctor asked skeptically. "Well duh! The other day he asked me, "Merle, Will you get out of my way?!"" "And what exactly does that prove?" "Well duh! That he's totally crushing on me!" Merle replied in exasperation at his obvious stupidity. "Uh, right… Good for you… So, how do you feel about being half-girl, half-cat…?" "It's all good… Except when my tail gets stuck in doors… That smarts y'know…" Merle nodded to herself and the doctor sweatdropped. "Yeah… Right… So, how do you feel?" "I feel like donuts! This is boring, I gotta go kick Hitomi's ass! Later!" "Hold on, let's go together to see if Van is actually interested in the girl or not." The doctor stood up and followed her, they opened the door. And Merle's eyes widened as the doctor sweatdropped. Van and Hitomi were making out in a corner and everyone was avoiding looking at them. "Eww… Get a room!" Dilandau protested, covering his eyes. "I can't even choke down my donuts… Well, maybe not all of them…" Naria muttered. "Man… Why can't it be Hitomi's turn, isn't it Hitomi's turn yet?!" Eriya groaned. "I… I don't believe it…" Merle's eye twitched convulsively. "Not so cocky now, are we?" The Psychiatrist asked, giving her a nod before going back into his room. Hitomi and Van stopped kissing and blinked at her. "What are you looking at?" Hitomi asked in annoyance. "Nothing! Nothing!" Merle claimed, waving her hands and blushing madly. "Damn B****… Hate her… Yes I do… Trying to take Van-sama away from me… Yes, that's ALWAYS been her plan… I'd like to teach her a lesson, damn her…" Merle grumbled, walking over to the food table. She looked back as they resumed and gagged. "If that's the sort of thing you do when you have a boyfriend, maybe I don't want one…" "Dryden, you're next…" "But I want to shamelessly beg Millerna to marry me again…" Dryden whined. "I'm just gonna say "No!"" Millerna said in annoyance, filing her nails in boredom. "Hey, you've only said "no" 644 times! 645's the charm!" Dryden beamed. "Millerna, will you marry me?" "NO!" Millerna shrieked. "Make that 646 time's the charm…" Dryden muttered in frustration. "Get in there, listen to the crap he has to say, then come back out and act like it never happened…" Merle shrieked. "Okay…" Dryden dashed inside since Merle scared him. "Ah, you must be Mr. Fassa, how are you today?" Mr. Guy asked calmly. "Hey man! I NEVER went to that strip joint! Get off my back!" Dryden shrieked. "Okay then… I didn't even mention that, but that's a good start… I guess…" The Psychiatrist sweatdropped. "Oops… I mean, this conversation never happened…" Dryden muttered, massaging his forehead.
"Right…" The doctor nodded. "Anyways, you seem to be having trouble with a Miss…" He looked through his file. "Aston? Princess Millerna?" "Yeah, she loves me, she just doesn't know it yet…" Dryden nodded confidently. "Umm… Don't you think she'd know?" "Nah… You see, she's a blonde…" "Well, that explains a lot…" The doctor agreed. "You see, she thinks she likes this dorky knight, Allen Schnitzel…" "I thought his last name was Schezar…" The Psychiatrist said hesitantly. "Oh yeah, that's right, it's Allen Stroganoff…" "But it's…" "No, you're right it's Allen Spaghetti!" Dryden said rather loudly. "Uh… For a smart guy you sure are dumb…" The psychiatrist muttered. "WHAT WAS THAT?!" Dryden yelled. "Nothing, Nothing Lord Dryden… Now, tell me about Millerna…" "Well, she's got hair, 2 eyes, and a chin…" Dryden began. "Umm, let's skip to her personality…" "She's stupid, hot-headed, pushy, annoying, selfish, and always getting into other people's business." Dryden replied. "And tell me again why you're so obsessed with her…?" The doctor asked in confusion.
"I dunno…" Dryden shrugged. "Obviously your affections are very well thought-out…" Mr. Guy muttered sarcastically. "If you really like her that much, try being nice to her. Give her a compliment. Girls like that. You'll show up Allen Stroganoff!" "You're silly! His name's Allen Schezar!" Dryden replied as he exited and the doctor shook his head in pity. "Hey Millerna…" Dryden began as he spotted the princess flirting with the annoyed Allen. "What?!" She asked sharply as Allen breathed a sigh of relief that she was no longer staring at him. "You have nice…" Oh man… What do I say?! Nice… Nice… Nice what?! Nice… "What is it?" Millerna asked curiously. "You have nice eyebrows! There I said it!" He ran off to the other side of the room. "Wow Dryden! That was sooooooo sweet!" She pounced on him and Allen beamed, no more Millerna. "It's really too bad I already ordered the cake for me and Allen's wedding, otherwise I'd marry you instead!" She beamed as Dryden and Allen fell over anime-style and Millerna blinked in confusion. "Hitomi! Get off Van and go in!" Dryden muttered. Hitomi stood up and let Van drop to the floor. "Oh. All right." "Ouchy…" Van muttered on the ground. "So, Miss Kanzaki… What's up?" The psychiatrist began. "Well, the sky, the birds, the clouds, the…" "Okay, that's enough… I mean, how is your life going?" "Pretty good… Van is the hottest guy in the entire series and every night we…" "God you guys like to get personal…" The psychiatrist moaned. "But it's natural, you see, when a man and woman love each other they…" "Just shut up… You obviously have a lot of sexual tension with this Van fellow… But you're only 15… Take it slow… After all, you have the rest of your life ahead of you…" "Well I try to enjoy it, because each week I move on to a different boy…" "What do you mean?" "Well, all the guys here looooooooooooove me, so I figure I should give them all a chance. This week is Van week, next week is Dilandau week, then comes Allen, Folken, Dryden, Nelly…" "Nelly? How'd Nelly get in there?" The psychiatrist asked in confusion. "Dunno… Anyway, Van week is almost up, so I'm currently trying to seduce Dilandau…" "Uh, great… That's great… Tell me Hitomi, do you think you sometimes get on peoples' nerves?" He asked. "Silly! Now how could I do that? Everybody loves me! Don't ya guys?" She looked out the door. "Uh no, not really…" Folken muttered.
"She's not completely deformed…" Allen said as Millerna stared at him.
"I hate her! BURN! BURN!" "I love Millerna… Dum Dum Dum… I love Millerna… Dum Dum Dum…" Dryden sang. "WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Millerna shrieked. "Hey, for what it's worth, I love you Hitomi!" Van called after her as she shut the door. "Since none of them except Van seems to like you much, why not stay with him?" The doctor asked in frustration at her stupidity. "Aw, they're all just denying their INNER feelings, aren't you guys?!" "Hell no!" Dilly replied. "I gotta go flirt with other guys and make Van jealous, bye!" She called after to the doctor who began to wonder if there was any hope for these idiots. "VERONA KITARU!" The doctor called for her. "I FORBID you to go! You're a bad guy, just like me!" Dalet yelled in stubborn annoyance. "SHUT UP DALET! SO I'M A GOOD GUY! BIG WOOF!" She stormed off as Dalet cursed and jumped up and down. "Easy there pal, why put up a fuss when she leaves? I mean, for crying out loud, you're practically terrified of the girl…" Guimel commented. "Oh you've got a point…" Dalet muttered. "DON'T COME BACK SOON HONEY!" He called after her. "Whatever! JERK!" She called after him. "If he wasn't so cute I'd dump him in a heartbeat!" She muttered. "Yes, Miss Kitaru… It's nice to see someone who looks somewhat sane…" The doctor commented thankfully.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOMEWHAT SANE?! I'm just as sane as YOU and EVERYONE ELSE!!!" She screeched. "I take back that first comment…" He muttered. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" She shrieked. "Nothing, Nothing… Now please sit down. We don't have much time." "Oh, we have all the time in the world. Keep me in here, Dalet's going to dump me when I get out, I just know it…" She mumbled. "Well there's something… You're worried about rejection from your boyfriend, are you?" "Not really… I reject him more often than he rejects me… He's just so damn inconsiderate." "How inconsiderate?" "Very inconsiderate."
"How much?" "He's forgotten my birthday and our anniversary for the 3rd year running… He suggested that we make THAT our anniversary…" "Yep, that's bad…" "I just can't get through to him… He doesn't appreciate me… It makes me mad, then I kill and/or demolish everything within a five-mile radius." "Well, obviously you have a lot of unvented anger. I'd like to give you this stress bone." He handed her a rubber bone. "Why a stress bone?" She asked in puzzlement.
"When you're mad, squeeze it, since that usually doesn't work, hit whoever made you mad over the head with it!" The doctor beamed at her. "I like the way you think, Guy-man!" She smiled, running out the door.
"ANYTIME!" He called after her. "Oh Dalet-chan… What do you think of my eyes?" She asked in a sing-song voice. "They're eyes… There's two of them… Does this have any point? I'm trying to eat!" She squeezed the rubber bone until she nearly broke it in half. She then stopped, calmly loosening her grasp and promptly bopping him over the head. "OW! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" He shrieked.
"FOR YOU BEING AN INSENSITIVE JERK!" She stormed off, squeezing the bone for dear life. "Umm… Yeah… Millerna… Get up there…" Hitomi muttered between bites of her donut. "ALRIGHTY THEN!" She said in a song-song voice matching Verona's from moments before. "HIYA DOC!" She shrieked in her annoying high-pitched voice. "Umm… Yeah… Mind bringing that down a little…?" He asked, covering his ears. "SOR-RY!" She called back just as loudly. "ANYWAYS! YOU'RE A SMART DOCTOR DUDE AND ALL SO I WAS HOPING YOU COULD READ MY FORTUNE!" She beamed. "Uh… I don't do that…" The doctor answered, sweatdropping.
"WHAT KIND OF CARNIVAL IS THIS ANYWAY?!" She shrieked. "It's not a carnival!!! It's a freaking psychiatrist office!" "Oh… Then can you look at my teeth, I think I have a cavity…" She opened her mouth, pointing at her molars. "Ugh… 10 years until retirement…" He muttered. "Do you have any problems in your life right now?" "Well, Allen doesn't realize how much he's madly in love with me and Dryden won't leave me alone…" "Oh you're that stu-ahem I mean, smart blonde he was talking about earlier…" "Why that little weasel, was he talking trash about me? I'm gonna wring his little neck…" She screeched. "Why don't you express your feelings to Allen, perhaps he feels the same…" "No, I do that every day… I shape his pancakes like a heart, I spell out "I LOVE YOU" in his alphabet soup, and I carve his steak into our likenesses." "Okay… That could be going to far… Ignore him, he'll get annoyed and try to figure out what's up with you…" "Thanks Doc! But are you sure you can't tell my fortune before I go because Hitomi told me a mysterious stranger is going to fall in love with me, but I don't trust her cuz she was drunk at the time and…" "Umm… No, just leave…" "KAY!" She flounced out and the doctor gave a sigh of relief. She walked by Allen without a second glance, heading straight for Dryden. "Oh DRY-DEN!" "Yes, Mille-chan?" He asked in confusion. "I love the way you say "Yes"…" She whispered into his ear in a sexy (For Millerna…) voice. "Uh… Cool…" He grinned sheepishly. "HEY NOW!" Allen yelled in protest. "MILLERNA LOVES ME! GET IT?! MOI! NON TU! MOI!" He grabbed Millerna away from Dryden. "Wow Allen, I had no idea you spoke French!" Hitomi stopped kissing Van to comment. "I can't, actually!" He said proudly.
"Uh, whatever… Now Mille-chan, as you were saying…" Dryden interrupted. "Your eyes are like… Uh… Eyes… And your hair is like hair…" "Go on…" Dryden moaned.
"THAT'S IT!!!" Allen screamed, attacking Dryden. "Yay! Allen's trying to kill Dryden for me!" Millerna squeaked in glee, jumping up and down clapping joyfully. "Refina, oh Refina, I looooooooooove you like yummy cookie-things! Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh Refina, won't you be MINE? My valentine, umm… Yeah!" Viole sang. "Dude, that's another fic…" Van muttered. "Stop it, you're ruining my song!" Viole then started to continue, but Refina slammed her hand over his mouth just in time. "Viole… You're not my boyfriend… Get over it…" She then walked away. "So, dinner at 7?" He called after her. "It's a date!" She winked at him. "Uh… That made no sense…" Chesta muttered. "Hello, you're Refina, aren't you? At this point you're all starting to look alike…" The doctor muttered as she came in. "Yep." "So what endless misery torments you Miss Genzai?" "This guy…" "Oh Lord… Why can't you people just be getting lousy grades in school or something?! Then I could say, "Study more, that'll be $50, have a nice day!"" "Sorry, the curse of the psychiatrist is a harsh one…" Refina nodded. "Anyways… This guy, Viole… Well I like him and all, but he is like in love, I mean LOVE love, with me and I don't know what do with him. He even got me jewelry for Christmas last week…" "But… It's July… Oh nevermind… Why do I bother with you freaks?" The psychiatrist muttered in hopelessness. "So doc, what's the cure?" "The cure is to tell the dude how you feel…" "I do… Every DAY! He doesn't listen… I can't get through to him…" "Well then, make him fall out of love with you…" "How?" "What's something he hates? Something he loathes more than life itself… Something that strikes terror into the hearts of men?" "Mimes…" Refina whispered. "What?" The doctor asked, thinking he'd misheard her. "Mimes… The root of all evil… The mimes… They're after us all…" Refina breathed, cringing. "Right… Um… Then yeah… Do… Uh… Mime-ish type things… Umm… This session is over, please leave…" The doctor said, slightly worried about these peoples' sanity. "So anyway, I sez to 'im, "Don't be mooin' at me ya cow…"" Viole sat talking to the other Dragon Slayers. "That was harsh…" Chesta commented. "Well… It was a cow… It mooed and everything… Never go to farmyards at midnight, my friends… They are scary, scary, places…" Viole said rather uncomfortably. Then he noticed that the Dragonslayers had wide eyes and shocked expressions. "Yo… Waz up? You guys okay?" He waved his hand in front of their faces, getting no response. "Oh, is my girl behind me? You obviously are stunned by her radiant beauty, as I always have been." He smiled, turning around and seeing what had happened to her. "Lord girl… Were you abducted by some body-snatchers or something?" She was dressed as a mime. She started making a box and then… "HELP! HELP! VIOLE! I'M TRAPPED INSIDE A FREAKIN' BOX! HELP! VIOLE! HELP!" "Hey, it's alright girl, I got ya…" He drove a fist into "the box" promptly smacking Refina in the face and knocking her out cold. "Oh man… That can't be good… Uh… Later!" He dashed out and the Dragonslayer blinked, not knowing what to do with the incompetent mime. "Hey! It's my turn!" Allen squealed, smiling like an idiot. (A/N: He plays his part well…) "Yeah, go, we'll try to have the mime exterminated before you get back…" "You work on that…" Allen muttered in reply, heading into the office. "Oh, young lady, please come in." The doctor greeted Allen. "I AM NOT A GIRL!" Allen shrieked. "Oh…" He looked up. "OH… Uh… Of course you're not… I was talking about that, girl, over there…" "Where?!" Allen shrieked, looking for the girl, beind the womanized he was. "Uh, she jumped out the window, but don't worry! I'm sure she's um… alright… Yeah…" Allen opened the window, preparing to jump, but the doctor stopped him. "She's dead…" "Couldn't she still admire my hair?" Allen whined. "No… Now you seem to be obsessed with women… Please tell me what started this horrible desire…" "Well, I think it was when I was seven… Selena came over and bit the head off my Barbie doll… I took her to the local hospital, but, they said… They said they didn't cure dolls… And… She died… I buried her out back and picked all of my mom's first prize flowers for her grave… I never recovered…" "That explains a lot…" The doctor murmured. "Oh yeah, I've been in love… one… two…" He continued to count on his fingers. "Uh… Seven times in the series "How is that even possible?!" The doctor asked in confusion.
"Well, there was Marlene, the queen of Freid that I kinda umm…" "Don't go there…" The doctor muttered, having had enough of that sort of thing from Van earlier. "Then there was Eries, the scary princess, Millerna, the pink-powderpuff princess, Hitomi, the freak from the Mystic Moon, Merle…" "Merle?" The doctor asked skeptically.
"I have a thing with cats… It's a sickness…" Allen said shamefully. "Then there was that maid at the palace that kept staring at my…" The doctor covered his ears. "Head… She obviously noticed my pearly whites!" Allen flashed a grin. "Oh yeah, and there was Eriya…" "Why her?" "Why not?" Allen asked, grinning widely. "Uh… Yeah… Umm… Live a happy life, eat your vegetables… Next victim…" Allen was pushed out and Folken pushed in. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I'M EVIL!!! LOOK AT MY COOL SORCERER ROBE-THINGY! NO GOOD GUY COULD POSSIBLY LOOK THIS GOOD! I…" "Just shut up and tell me your problem…" The doctor moaned. "I don't have one! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM! HAHA! I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE! HAHA!" "Umm… Yeah… Anyway, I…" "DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!" A voice shrieked. "What?" The doctor asked in confusion. "God no…" Folkie muttered. "SHIT! IT'S DAMN HOT IN THERE YOU SON OF A FEMALE DOG!" Cussing Christy shrieked as she emerged from Folken's robes. "Huh? Why didn't you…" "Hey, kids could be reading this…" The catgirl doll reasoned. "Wow, is that an ORIGINAL Cussing Christy doll?!" The doctor leaped up from his seat in excitement. "Yeah, want her?" Folken asked in annoyance. "Hell yes! She's worth a billion dollars!" "Now WHO would pay that much for an annoying doll?" "This guy… It's Migel… It's Migel…"
"Lavelier…" Folken finished in an annoyed tone. "How'd ya know?" "Lucky guess…" Folken muttered.
"Here, take it, but don't say I didn't warn you…" He walked out. "Oh God… Now I have to see… The Baddies…" The doctor cried out, knowing the worse was yet to come as ominous music played and lighting flashed, despite the fact that it was not raining. A/N: Well, I'd like 4 or 5 reviews, thanks for reading! Next chapter up sometime in November, later! ^_^ ~Trunks Gal~