Never Again Separate
By Cypher
Chapter Eleven
Simon crossed his arms and glared to the side, deliberately not looking at Matt, who sat across the room, tapping his hand against his leg. Matt had come over to his foster home again to try and talk with Simon, to get him accustomed to his new family. I don't want to be in his family. I'll make his life such a hell that he'll wish he never found me.
"So...what grade are you in?"
"Figure it out on your own, idiot."
Matt sighed and glanced at the door.
He's thinking of leaving, good.
Simon was wrong, however. A moment later the doorbell rang, and Matt answered the door, greeting whoever was on the other side with a big hug. Simon tried to look around Matt without giving away the fact that he was interested in who it was. When Matt stepped aside, though, Simon felt his heart rate increase. He hadn't seen her in a long time, but somehow he knew just who stood before him. Lucy.
Lucy smiled at Simon and sat down with Matt. "Hey, Simon. Remember me? It's Lucy."
Simon nodded slightly. "Yeah. So?"
Matt eyed Simon, then whispered something into Lucy's ear.
Simon tensed immediately, narrowing his eyes. He hated secrets, and he hated being ganged up on even more.
"I'm gonna go grab Lucy a and myself a burger, you want one?"
Simon bit his lip. He hadn't had a hamburger in a while, and it was tempting, but he still didn't want any favors from the brother that had abandoned him.
Matt shrugged at Simon's silence. "I'll be back in twenty minutes or so."
And then he was gone. Simon visibly relaxed, which did not go unnoticed by Lucy.
"Why does he make you nervous?"
Simon looked at Lucy, surprise on his face before he remembered to mask his emotions behind a scowl. "Nothing makes me nervous."
"Camdens stink at lying, Simon. Especially to fellow Camdens." Lucy ran a hand through her hair. "After everything you've gone through, are you okay? You've had it harder than any of us."
"Duh."
Lucy crossed her arms and rested them on her knees, staring at Simon.
Simon ignored it at first, but began shifting under the eyes of his sister. "Stop staring."
"We're both worried about you, Simon. Matt especially."
"You think I care?"
Lucy nodded. "Yes, I think you do. If you didn't, you wouldn't be acting so hostile, wouldn't be lashing out at him and at me."
Simon growled. "What do you know. You've had a cushy life with a family."
"And your life sucked. We've established that. But do you think Matt's life has been easy? He's been living with the guilt of leaving you behind for almost ten years, now. For the past three months every time I've talked to him it's been about you. Not his career, not my life, but you."
At least he feels guilty for what he did, the bastard. "Is that supposed to impress me?"
Lucy sat back, folding her hands together. "I don't know. To be honest, I'm not sure if anything would impress you. You've changed so much because of your life, but I can tell you this: Matt loves you, and he's trying to make amends for something that happened that was out of his control at the time."
Simon looked away.
Lucy stood as she heard Matt's car outside. "Try giving him a chance, Simon. He's spent thousands of dollars and is changing his whole life all for you. If you tried listening to him, you might realize how much you mean to him."
Simon said nothing, and Matt walked in. He handed a bag to Lucy, then walked towards Simon.
Simon tensed again, keeping an eye on Matt as he approached.
Matt stopped a few feet away and set another bag in front of Simon. "I figured you might be hungry anyway." He went back over to Lucy and the two of them began eating in silence.
Simon looked at the bag, then at Matt. No matter how much he wanted to hold out, his growling stomach overruled him. Caving in, he took the bag and slowly ate his own meal. And even though he had tried to ignore her, his mind began replaying everything Lucy had said.
~*()*~
Matt was sitting on a bench in the park, watching the sky. From time to time he said a small prayer, then went back to picking out constellations with his eyes.
That's how Simon found him. Earlier he had snuck out of his room, feeling the need to get out and just wander, maybe sneak into a movie theater. He just needed to do something to take his mind off Matt, Lucy, off everything.
Lucy's words, despite his personal feelings, had been circling his head all afternoon. It was driving him nuts, not because he resented her for saying it, but because she vocalized feelings he had silenced in his mind years ago. Now they were back out, and he hated it.
He wasn't sure what had driven him towards the city park. Even he tended to avoid it at night due to some of the drug addicts and thieves. He may have been troublesome, but ever since he had smoked that one cigarette and gotten sick, he avoided narcotics like the plague. Still, he followed his gut and went to the park with no specific plans in mind.
And there was Matt Camden, sitting there without a clue that Simon was watching him. Maybe I should leave. He glanced back down the path he'd come, when Lucy's words resounded through his mind.
"Try giving him a chance, Simon. If you tried listening to him, you might realize how much you mean to him."
Simon shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against a tree, thumping his head against it a couple times. Get out get out get out! I don't want to get to know him! I don't want him in my life! I don't need him!
So why haven't you walked off, already?
Simon closed his eyes and rested his head against the trunk of the tree. It was a valid question. Why hadn't he left? What was it that was keeping him here, near this person he hated? It made no sense. Then, glancing up at the moon, he felt something in his nose tickle. Before he could silence himself, he let out a sneeze. Damn it. He glanced at Matt, seeing if he had been heard.
Matt was gone, replaced by a homeless woman curling up for the night. When'd he slip away?
"Isn't it a little late for you to be out alone?"
Simon jumped a few feet in the air and let out a string of swear words. When the hell did he get behind me?
Matt gently grabbed Simon's arm to steady him. "Hey, calm down. It's just me."
Simon pulled his arm away, glaring at his elder brother.
Matt watched him, his eyes roaming over his face. Simon felt a shudder go through him.
"I'm gonna go get some coffee. You wanna come?"
Simon glanced around the park. It was getting dark enough that he was beginning to feel really uncomfortable hanging around there. Another shudder went through his body.
Matt frowned and pulled off his jacket. "You shouldn't be out here without a sweater. It's hot during the day but at nights it's freezing." He wrapped the jacket around Simon.
Simon growled, but made no move to reject the gesture. He even pulled it around himself more tightly. Thoughts raced through his head, tearing him apart between hating Matt, and wanting to be close to him again. Why'd he have to come and complicate my life? It was easy when it sucked.
"You want to come to the hotel? It'll be warmer than out here. Or should we just go for the coffee?" Matt rubbed his arms, trying to make up for the lost heat his jacket had provided for him.
Simon glanced at the jacket, then shrugged. "Whatever."
Matt took off walking, and Simon, after a few moments hesitation, followed after him.
~*()*~
"I tried, I really did. But the decision was final. I was going to tell you to write each time you moved so we could keep in touch, but you ran off before I could tell you."
Simon tried to look disinterested as Matt bared his soul. He could just be making it all up. You can't trust him.
You want to though.
Shut up! Just go away, whatever you are!
You want to be with your brother again.
Remember how wanting an older brother turned out last time? Remember Glenn?
"Who's Glenn?"
Simon's head snapped up and he stared at Matt. Did I say that out loud?
Matt waited patiently, his coffee cup resting in his hand. "Does he have to do with the court seal?"
Simon looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Matt watched Simon a moment. "You do."
Simon cursed internally. How do I talk my way out of this? I could just leave.
Matt waited another minute, then sipped his coffee and looked out the window. "You know, I often wondered if you'd found a nice family, like Lucy and Mary and I had. But I was also worried. You were old enough that mom and dad's death permanently scared you, but young enough to not know how to heal that emotional damage. You probably think I didn't see the light in your eyes die when they left, but I did. You're my baby brother, and I watched after you more than any of the others. I knew that something was wrong, and I wanted to help you. The first year after I was taken from you I started trying to find you. Not Mary or Lucy or Ruthie. You. I've been looking for you for so long that at times people thought I was crazy. Eventually I had to give up for a while. But when I started searching again, you weighed heaviest in my mind."
Simon closed his eyes. I hate him. I hate him.
Give him a chance, Simon.
Simon sighed. I can't.
You want to. Take a risk on him.
I did once and look what happened.
This is your brother, Simon. Your true brother.
He abandoned me!
He had no choice, and he tried to tell you how to keep in touch. You ran out on him, not the other way around.
Simon had no response for that, and he knew he'd lost his internal battle for now.
"Simon? You feeling alright?"
"No, no I'm not." Simon rubbed his eyes with one hand.
"You want me to take you home?"
"No."
Matt tilted his head.
"Glenn...was an older brother in an adopted family. He...I liked him a lot because he was like you in so many ways. But...but then..." Simon felt tears gathering in his eyes. "He wasn't you. He...he..." His body shuddered, this time not from the cold, but from a quiet sob that had escaped from his well constructed defenses.
Matt knelt down and hugged Simon. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me. You can just cry. Crying is okay, it makes you no less of a man."
Simon weakly struggled against Matt's embrace, hitting him, trying to pull away as he cried. I don't want your sympathy! I don't want your caring! Just leave me alone!
You want his love, though. You want him in your life again.
No I don't!
Yes you do. You're only kidding yourself. Look, he doesn't want any explanation, he isn't asking for any favors. He just wants to help you. So stop being such an a-hole and accept help from the one person you've always wanted it from.
And with that, Simon Camden stopped struggling and cried. He cried for what Glenn had done, cried for the pain in his life, and cried because his brother was holding him once again. He cried until he couldn't cry any more, until all he could do was sleep.
~*()*~
"Well? Are you taking me to LA or what?"
Matt blinked and looked at Simon, who had a small bag in his hand. "Excuse me?"
"You did adopt me, right? So let's get going already. The sooner I blow this place the better." Simon glanced at his bag. It was his life's possessions, which was very little. A couple changes of clothes, some toiletries, and some items he had 'liberated' from various stores.
He remembered what had happened last night, and was rather cross at himself for letting his guard down. But it also made him realize that Matt wasn't asking for anything in return except for Simon to give him a chance. I'll give him one, but like Hell I'll let him see me that vulnerable again. That morning he had called Matt and told him to come over. His normal attitude had returned, and he still didn't want to be too close to Matt, or any older guy, but he was willing to give Matt's adoption idea a whirl. If anything, at least LA is exciting. And if I want to escape somewhere, I can.
Matt tilted his head, then shrugged and stood. "Alright. We need to stop by the hotel so I can pack and we need to tell Lucy what's going on."
"Fine, whatever. Let's just go." Simon headed out the door.
And Matt, shaking his head, followed him.
~*()*~
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Author's Prattle: Well, I got this one out. It wasn't easy, believe you-me. The next chapter is the final one, and then this fic will be complete. After this weekend (I need to do all my Bio lab reports, now), I will begin work on chapter seventeen of "God's in 7th Heaven, All's Right with the World." Oh, for clarification, the smoking incident is unrelated to the show. It's just an event that happened in his lifetime. And as always, reviews are appreciated.