Chapter 7
I walk into work early as usual. It is quiet and peaceful. Some people find it eerie but I have always found the constant hum of the lab comforting, when I can hear it that is. I haven't decided when I plan to schedule my surgery appointment. I don't even know if I want it done. When I was a child my mother functioned without words and sounds. She was a courageous woman. I could function. Besides things seem to piling up and the chaos with Sara isn't too reassuring that anyone cares if I stick around.
Humans adapt to life changes all the time and I would be no different. I just don't know if I am ready to be deaf. Ready to be deaf, I don't think anyone is ready for anything like this. Who could accept the loss of a major sensory organ? No one.
So I have slowly accepted the fact that I might not be able to hear for much longer. I have gotten passed that fact but the one thing I haven't come to terms with is losing my job. Of course I deny field work as much as possible recently, but it pains me to stay behind. Yet everyone has risen to my expectations and gone further to pick up the slack.
Nick has surprised me the most. His abilities have come the farthest in these passed three years or maybe I just underestimated him to begin with. Although it makes me sound too parental, I am proud that he was become such a good CSI and a good person. Catherine has dutifully stepped into filling my position as the leader. She is a great woman and still manages to surprise me. Although Catherine is next in line for supervisor, Warrick could certainly take my spot someday and possibly do a better job. Despite his reluctance with leading the group, he is the best for the job. I wouldn't take back the moment I kept him on the team. That's when I brought in Sara. The headstrong, intense, passionate woman that is most dear to me. Her abilities were great to begin with, but now they are toned. She knows when to let it go, or she does a good job pretending cases don't bother her anymore.
I have never once told any of them how I felt. I choose to believe that I don't tell them because that would solidify my future without forensics and without them. It worries me that they can be so efficient without me. That means I am not really needed. They have all changed to become better CSIs and more importantly they have become my family. I'm not close to anyone but they all hold dear to me and that is what I am afraid of losing.
As far as survival of the nightshift CSIs, I have nothing to worry about. They are a good team and can pull through without me. That is the truth. Stepping down wouldn't be so bad. I could still work in the office and specialize on a case that involves bugs and such. My advice might not always be needed but I'd like to give it. It wouldn't be so bad. No, that's a lie. It would be bad. It would kill me. It kills me every time I stay back and let Catherine run the case. I've become a lab rat and I hate it.
"How goes it Grissom?"
I look up. "Hey Greg. Just waiting for shift to start."
"Yeah me too. I got those lab results that Warrick collected but there wasn't a DNA match. Sorry."
I shrug it off and put all faith in the evidence. "We can't crunch the evidence Greg. Thanks anyway."
"So how is Sara? I heard she is coming in tonight."
His voice seems distraught. I hope he is okay. He too has passed my expectations and even though I don't say it, I fully appreciate his dedication and his abilities. "Yeah. I guess she is doing better if she wants to come to work."
"How bad is the black eye?"
"You'll have to see her to judge Greg." I scoot up to my desk and try to signal my discomfort so he'll stop talking about Sara. "If you don't mind I want to get some things out of the way before shifts starts."
He nods. "Okay. See you later Grissom." He starts toward the lab and disappears from sight.
I focus on the cases in front of me to put some order back in my life. One good thing that has come out of all of this is that my paperwork is always caught up. I recheck and file more. That's what I do now; paperwork. Soon I lose track of time and find that I have to go hand out assignments. I make my way to the lounge where the team has collected. Sara gets my attention even before I see her. I hear her.
"You guys are dead!"
Nick laughs. "We said we were sorry Sara!"
"I look like I am possessed! Look at my eye!"
I want to chuckle, but I don't.
"I disagree." Nick interrupts. "You look more like a vampire. Very scary. It works for you."
The room erupts in laughter then I hear shuffling.
"Ow Sara! Stop! I'm sorry!" Nick yells. "Greg get her off me!"
Finally temptation gets the better of me so I step around the corner to see them. I step in on the commotion just in time to see her twisting Nick's wrist back in a hand-to-hand combat technique. Greg doubles over in laughter but squeals, yes squeals, when Sara releases Nick's wrist and runs after him. He bolts pass me but Sara stops dead in front of me like she hit a wall. All the fun leaves the room when my presence becomes known. All eyes notice Sara's behavioral shift. They know that something isn't right between us. It hasn't been right for a long time.
I can't help but to take in every detail of her appearance. She wears comfortable clothing, more relaxed than normal. Instead of colored slacks and a fashionable blouse, she wears jeans and a plain cotton shirt. Her eyes are dull and she looks tired. Her black eye is still a mess. By the looks of it she tried to cover the bruise with makeup but gave up when it proved pointless. The red broken blood vessels do make her look evil but the warmth of her chocolate pupils counteract the appearance. At least I think so.
As I stare at her, I feel her mind taking in my own appearance. Sometimes I think she can see my soul with her eyes. I feel exposed and look away. She takes my action to heart and moves away to flop down on the sofa. Although there is now a distance between us, the tension is still there.
"Let's get started." I say fumbling with my file. "Warrick, I want you and Catherine to continue to work yesterday's case. Nick, Sara how is your case going?"
Sara remains quiet and Nick takes the lead. "Well those lab results gave us a hard lead and I finished it up. Brass is arresting the guy now, so I think it's safe to say that it's closed."
"Okay. Well one of you need to finish the paperwork and I'll take whoever with me."
They exchanged glances. I silently begged Nick to come with me. I can't handle Sara right now. She is still clearly upset about what I said at the hospital.
"I'm not doing paperwork." Sara says defiantly. "Besides Nick you owe me a favor."
He smiles at her. "Okay. I'll take the paperwork Gris."
She rises from her seated position and stares him down. "While you're at it, you can finish my paperwork too." She grabs a manilla folder of her back filing and heaves it into his chest. "Thanks Nicky."
He smiles and shakes his head. "I hope you have something in store for Greg. It was his fault too ya know."
"Don't worry. Greggo has was it coming to him." She smiles before turning to me. Her smile fades instantly. "I'm ready whenever you are."
______
We make it through collecting the evidence without a single word to each other. Her light behavior in the lounge meant she was feeling better and I was glad to see it despite the fact that it wasn't directed towards me. But two hours into shift, she starts to rub her temples. I say nothing. I silently worry that she is pushing herself too hard but she doesn't listen to my advice anymore. I begin to pack up when she follows my lead. Again nothing is said as we make our way back to CSI.
"I'll be in the layout room." She mutters but before I can acknowledge her she is gone. She really doesn't need me for anything.
I decide to go to Trace. I focus intently on the bullet Bobby processed for me. Surprisingly the bullet points to a warrant of a middle aged man in the new suburb off the Strip. I contemplate telling Sara. I could use the time alone but I don't need her more distant than she already is. We can work passed this for a case. We have done it before. I casually make my way towards the layout room.
tbc...