ANGEL: So what brings you to town? Obviously you're not here to help us fight the Beast, since you've never even heard of it.
GILES: Actually, I was looking for Slayers. Potential Slayers. I'm trying to avert an apocalypse.
CORDY: No, you're trying to ignore an apocalypse. WE'RE the ones trying to stop an apocalypse.
GILES: Yes, of course. Your Beasty. He seems to have a few tricks up his sleeve. But I am contending with a far vaster and more powerful enemy - the First Evil. The source of all evil.
ANGEL: That's the thing that makes you see things and tries to convince you to do bad stuff, right?
GILES: Yes. But there's more to it than that.
CORDY: Does it rain fire?
GILES: Well, no. Not yet, anyway. What it does is attempt to eliminate all opposition. To decimate the forces of good.
ANGEL: It kills only ten percent of the good guys? That's not too bad.
GILES: Forgive my erroneous colloquialism. It's killing Watchers. And Potential Slayers. The Council is obliterated, literally. I'm all that remains. Currently, I am scouring the globe for all surviving Potential Slayers, attempting to find them before they are killed. Then bring them to Sunnydale where Buffy can protect and train them. I was told there was a Potential Slayer in Los Angeles at an address which turns out to be this stealthy young man's flat. He gave me quite a scare, to be honest. I enter the place. It's empty. Next thing I know there's a knife to my throat.
ANGEL: Connor that's no way to treat house guests.
CONNOR: All the strangers who come to my place are evil and try to hurt me or Cordy. What was I supposed to think?
ANGEL: Good point.
GILES: But instead of being led to a Potential Slayer, I was led to Cordelia. What I want to know is why.
CORDY: Who told you I was a Slayer?
GILES: My Seer. She finds the Potentials and notifies me.
ANGEL: How exactly does she find them?
GILES: A locator spell. The Slayer-in-Waiting glows. That's how she pinpoints her location.
CONNOR: Cordy glows. I've seen her do it.
CORDY: I haven't done that in a while. Do I have some sort of residual glowiness?
GILES: Angel, what the devil is Cordelia talking about? [Lorne comes down]
LORNE: Here's your Scotch. [Giles takes a sip] So you knew Cordelia before she became part-demon? [Giles spits it out] Maybe you should to sit down and take a big gulp of that drink.
GILES: Perhaps you're right. Would someone please explain to me why Cordelia is phosphorescent?
CORDY: I was having these visions, which I used to help Angel.
GILES: Visions. Like Drusilla?
ANGEL: No No No NoNoNo. Not like her. Not like her at all. Why would you even think that?
GILES: Right. It's not like you find yourself sexually attracted to Cordelia. So clearly it's not the same. It was just - a brunette with visions - never mind. [Angel's quite shaken by Giles's flippant comments. As if his relationship with Cordy wasn't disturbing enough.]
CORDY: Also, I'm not crazy and don't have the hots for that Spike guy. The Billy Idol thing is sooo tired. What kind of girl would go for THAT?
GILES: Ironic you would ask, because – oh, that was a rhetorical question. [decides to let the matter pass for now. he has more important things on his mind, like demon glow Cordy.]
CORDY: The problem is, humans aren't strong enough to have these visions. Eventually, they kill the person. So before that happened to me, the forces that controlled the visions made me part demon. The visions no longer hurt me. But I could do some new stuff, like float and glow. I mean, really, REALLY glow.
LORNE: Imagine a 150 kilowatt bulb.
GILES: You witnessed this, er, incandescence?
ANGEL: We all did.
CONNOR: I was going to kill her, because I thought all demons are bad. But she touched me, and she glowed, and I glowed, and I felt this love and kindness wash over me.
LORNE: Ain't that how it always starts? She fills him with love, and pretty soon he's filling her with something else. [Angel glares at Lorne]
GILES: You're saying she could heal with her touch.
CORDY: And there was this other time when the hotel was infested by thousands of slimy demons and I touched one of them and they all disappeared. Like I said, I was way powerful. Too powerful. So I was taken away and became a Higher Being. After a few months of being lonely and omniscient I was sent back here. I haven't glowed or floated since then, but I still have the visions.
GILES: What do you mean by omniscient?
CORDY: I mean it was really brave what you let Willow do to you. I mean that witch named Rhianne in that coven thingy was totally flirting with you, and you should have asked her out cause at your age if you don't settle down you just look pathetic.
GILES: You think Rhianne wants me? Hold on. How could you possibly those things?
CORDY: Hello McFly. I was omniscient.
GILES: Pardon me for not having taken that literally. [finishes drink] Can I have another?
LORNE: I'll get the bottle.
CONNOR: I'll get it. [leaps up to the third floor in a single bound.]
GILES: What exactly did you put in this Scotch? [Connor returns]
LORNE: Thanks kiddo. But this is the 85. I was giving our guest the 83. [Connor leaps again] Don't bother. It's okay. [Connor drops back down into the lobby]
GILES: Well. That was . . . unprecedented. For a human. And since I was outside with you in the sunlight, I know you're not a vampire.
ANGEL: I tried to tell you. He's my kid. [Lorne pours Giles more Scotch]
GILES: Thank you, my wisecracking Pylean friend. One impossibility at a time. Where were you when you were omniscient? Such powers are only available to those residing in certian heavenly dimensions.
CORDY: Wow. Then heaven in really, really boring.
GILES: Could you please, while I am still able to suspend my disbelief, describe what this dimension was like?
CORDY: I was glowing in white light. I couldn't move. Couldn't talk to anyone. Couldn't touch anyone. In the distance I could see other glowing white lights. Everything else was black and empty.
GILES: That's very interesting. It sounds like you were in one of the middle levels of Dante's Paradiso.
ANGEL: I never thought of that. You're right. That's exactly what it was. Good call, Rupert.
GILES: This Scotch is quite excellent. It's exceedingly rare to find a demon with a refined taste in spirits.
CORDY: Are you saying this Dante guy made me a Higher Being?
GILES: Did you have a Guardian Angel named Virgil? [Angel, Giles laugh. Cordy doesn't get it.]
CORDY: He told me his name was Skip.
GILES: You really think Rhianne had a thing for me? I thought Olivia was the one coming on to me.
CORDY: Olivia's a lesbian. She's with Gwynned.
GILES: Really. The two of them. I guess they'd make quite a smashing couple. Did your omniscience allow you to notice Rhianne's phone number?
LORNE: She was a Higher Power. Not a dating service. Though a Higher Power dating service is NOT a bad idea.
CONNOR: I don't know what it would be like to date a Higher Power. We skipped that and went right to the good part. [Cordy looks chagrined. Angel seethes. Lorne grimaces.]
GILES: Ah yes. Almost forgot about that one. [looks at Lorne] Is he really Angel's and Darla's son?
LORNE: I know. It's something you have to see to believe. And I saw it.
GILES: Last year there were rumours from the lunatic fringe about the birth of a vampire child. But I didn't take them seriously. And of course I had no idea I was familiar with the vampires in question. So Angel, does every woman you sleep with get resurrected? Sorry. It's just, well, you know. [looks at Connor] It's not everyday I meet a miracle child. God sure broke the mold when he made you.
LORNE: Let's hope so.
GILES: You're a gifted young man. A special, precious human being. A Chosen One. Hold it. I think I'm drifting into my Slayer speech. Silly me. After all, there really is only one of YOU. Your father is a remarkable man. As for your mother, she, well, remarkable in her own way. And it just occurred to me that I once threw holy water in your mum's face. In fairness to her, I should point out that I also tried to kill your father. [pauses] I'm just going to ask this one more time - am I on Candid Camera or something?
LORNE: It helps to put events in context. You just saw the sky rain fire. If that's possible, why couldn't this be possible?
GILES: Plus, it satisfies Aachem's Razor. After all, it IS the simplest explanation. God I miss the Hellmouth. Life's so simple there. The Vampires are infertile. Thank heavens! [imagine if Spike was spawning] So Cordelia, that means you had Angel's son. I mean, after Darla had Angel's son. Rather soon after Darla had him. [looks at Cordy, looks at Connor, looks at Angel] God I do miss the Hellmouth. [downs the rest of his drink]
LORNE: Now you know why I drink so much. I have to deal with this 24-7.
GILES: I need to go make I quick phone call. [walks into courtyard. takes out cell phone.]