AN: A short piece based from Yuki's point of view. It's a little idea that
I had last night in the shower ^^;; And decided to write it for fun. It's
been a while since I wrote, so I hope that people will enjoy it ^_^
Disclaimer: Don't own anything.
Back to Me
I hate you. It was probably a feeling that no one except for me can understand. To hate the person who I love. But you have given me too many reasons to. I hate your unselfishness. I hate your blue eyes that see through everything. I hate your sad smile that is as powerful as a bolt of lightening. I know that you will come back one day. I just never expected you to come back like this. Wearing an eternal smile of happiness that you never found in me.
He's standing on the other side, and I can easily read the anguish in his red eyes. The neko was never very good at concealing things, especially his own feelings. He meets my eyes over you, and I can see the fire dying in his eyes. I mirrored that expression inside, unlike him however, I like to keep my pain to myself. It's the only way I know how to survive.
There were two events that changed the lives of the Sohma clan. One was the arrival of Tohru. And the other was you. When Tohru first brought you home, I guess we all thought that you were just going to be another stray that our kind housekeeper saved from the streets. Seeing you for the first time, with that the setting sun behind you, you did look like a stray. a stray angel. It was a perfect moment meant to last forever, until that baka-neko interrupted complaining how he was hungry enough to eat leeks. It didn't take long for us to get into one of our usual fights. I guess it reminded you of your own past when you smiled at us. It was the first time I saw you smile. And I wanted to wipe that memory away forever. It was a smile that expressed more hurt than happiness. Even with the Juunish curse, I don't think that I've ever seen such a blank smile before. It was like the Noh- masks, frozen on your pale face.
Even with Tohru's delicious diner, you still seemed far away. You didn't even seem to notice how Shigure was slobbering all over you until Kyou and I poured the boiling soup onto his lap. The rest of that meal was quiet except for the dog's howls of pain in his room.
It was the first time that Kyou and I refrained from provoking each other. I kept stealing glances at you, and I noticed that my baka cousin was doing the same thing. I didn't know if you noticed us, or if you did, you just pretended not to. Tohru was the only person who tried to act like there wasn't a thick blanket of tension squeezing the little dinner table. I remember surfacing a few seconds at a time to listen to what Tohru was saying before going back to stealing glances at you. Only a few things registered, things that concerned you. Even through most of what I learnt were little trivial matters. Things like your name was Tsukino Usgai and that you were a year younger than us. It was until dinner was finished and Tohru dragged Kyou and I into the kitchens that she told us why you were here. I didn't think that Tohru has ever looked so serious before. She told us that she met you at the hospital where she volunteered. She told us that you had a weak heart. Your parents in the hopes of finding a heart donor sent you overseas. But when you were away, your whole family died in a car crash. Now with no money, and no place to stay, you had to leave the hospital.
It was your eyes that caught Tohru's attention. She said that you had her mother's eyes. They were the same clear sapphire, except there was no more life in yours. Tohru said that at first, your friends came to visit you, especially a young couple both with raven black hair. They would talk while you quietly looked out the window. But after awhile the visitors stopped coming. You didn't seem to notice that the roses beside your bed began to die.
Being the person that she was, I was not surprised that Tohru did what she did. Even though she caused quite a scandal at the hospital, and it took all the Sohma connections to assure the director that she didn't intend it to appear as a kidnapping. But you didn't seem to care about anything that was happening around you.
I remember that it was a week later when we first heard your voice. And let me tell you, it almost scared the baka neko out of his fur. But I have to agree that it was quite unnerving to wake up in the middle of the night from a blood-curdling scream. I've never seen Shigure so quiet before when Tohru ran into your room, rocking your back and forth while you told her in a small trembling voice that you had another nightmare about them. Over Tohru's shoulder, I could see the wild look in your eyes that made you look so small and helpless. A stab of pain shot through my chest, and I could hear Kyou's gasp beside me. Both of us fell under your spell that night.
We made more attempts to talk to you after that. Before, both of us went out of our way to avoid you in the house. But now, it was impossible for either of us to look at you and turn away. I thought that our efforts moved you a little, because you would give us a little sad smile when we were with you.
The baka neko and I even stopped our fights because of you. Well not completely, but when we did 'argue' it was to wring a smile from your face. No matter how sad your smile was, but still, a smile was still a smile. Sometimes I would get so jealous because you would only smile when both Kyou and I are with you. You never smiled for me alone.
It was almost a month after you came to stay that I finally found out what your nightmares were about. Tohru was working that night. Usually she would take a bath with you, but since she wasn't there, you were alone in the bathroom. I still have to thank the hentai dog for this. If Shigure hadn't suggested that Kyou and I break into the bathroom after you locked yourself in there for two hours, we would've lost you that night. It's funny how your body could betray you at the most crucial time, because that was exactly what happened. When I stepped into that steamy bathroom, and saw you submerged in the water, the cut on your wrist making a beautiful red ribbon in the clear water. I would've stayed frozen like that if it wasn't for Kyou. I always pride myself to be the calm one, but there I was standing there watching with horrified eyes as the neko picked up your limp body and wrapped it in a towel before carrying your back into your room. Shigure called Hatori while I finally snapped out of my horror when Kyou punched me in the guts. He didn't have to say anything for me to understand.
Thank god for Hatori. I thought that Kyou and I would've killed ourselves I something happened to you. But Hatori told us that all you needed was a blood transfusion. I would've let Hatori drain the last drop of my blood for you, but we had to use Shigure's instead because he was only one present who had the same blood type.
Hatori, Kyou, and I took turns staying by your side. Shigure went to get some rest at the doctor's order. I don't think that you could know how much I was hurting just by looking at you lying there, paler than snow. I thought that we succeeded in helping you, but what a big mistake. You were unconscious the whole night, but there were times when your eyes opened, an unfocused look in the clear sapphire orbs as you murmured a few things like: okaasan.fault. senshi. betrayal. I didn't know who the senshi are but I want to lock them up with Akito and give them a taste of the wrath of the Sohma head.
When you woke up in the morning and found that you were still alive, you looked indifferent, but I could feel the desperation. Kyou felt it too I think, because I saw the way his fists clutched. He did that only when he was helpless to change things. Before Hatori left, he advised us to keep an eye on you all the time.
Then Tohru came home, and I have never seen her so angry and afraid before. And when she yelled at us.I have never seen Tohru's scary side before, and I never want to again. But that wasn't the only thing that I was afraid of. Hatori was out the whole night; there was no double that his visit was going to be questioned. Kyou and Shigure knew the significance too, and for a few days, we lived like it was going to be the end of the world.
Then it started again. One by one the Juunish came, just like when Tohru first came to stay. Unlike Tohru however, who had to prove herself to be trusted with the family secret, all you had to do was to look at them with your piercing blue eyes and your sad smile before they fell under the same spell that Kyou and I were under. I don't know if it was a good thing or bad thing to let you know so much about the curse. And I have to admit, I was more than a little jealous when Haru offered you a blue flower and when that ecchi brother of mine kissed your hand. I think I saw the closest thing to a grin on your face when I kicked Ayame out of the house. But there were moments that I want to last forever, like when you played with Kisa with that look of almost love in your eyes. I heard you tell Tohru that Kisa reminded you of a little cousin Chibi-Usa.
All of us knew that it was coming of course. But the knowledge didn't make the reality any easier to bear. We all knew that you were dying. Even with the Sohma influence, it was impossible for you to live without a heart donor. But we never gave up hope. Then the summon came. From Akito. None of us were allowed to go with you.
It was a cold day when you left. You held Kyou's hand and mine in a warm grip. Something cold and round was slipped into our joint hands. The only thing you said was a quiet 'thank you' before you got into the car sent from the Main House. I wanted to say a little encouragement to you, but it never came out. Beside me, I could see Kyou's eyes shimmering with wetness.
We didn't hear anything from you. No matter how many times Shigure called Hatori, no one knew what happened to you. Tohru was worried out of her mind. I was ready to go to the Main House myself if Shigure hadn't stopped me.
You have been gone exactly a week when I woke up one night to a warm pulsing sensation in my body. Bewildered I left the room to see both Kyou and Shigure also out of bed looking as shocked as myself. The faint glow in the living room caught our attention. The crystal that you left was emitting a gently light. Before we knew what happened, the phone rang. At 3:00 am in the morning. When Shigure picked up the phone, we heard at least five voices yelling simultaneously. The only thing that I understood were: curse. broken. At that exact second, a sleepy Tohru joined jus. Without saying anything I hugged her, and waited for the familiar pouf of smoke and the feeling of my transformation. It never happened. I stood hugging Tohru until I was shoved to the side by Kyou who did the same thing I did. He hugged her, and nothing happened. We shared a big smile. It finally happened. The curse was broken, we were finally free.
We didn't go back to sleep that night. The four of us celebrated with whatever we could find. I would never let Shigure sing karaoke ever again. I think that dogs within the five miles radius were howling with him. The only thing that was missing was you.
But that was changed when you came home the next morning. Hatori called to warn us beforehand. In my excitement, I missed the strained tone in the phone.
I wanted to tell you of the good news, even though you might already know. Kyou and I helped Tohru cleaned the house, even Shigure made himself useful by staying in his room.
We were all standing outside laughing and joking when the long back car pulled up to the house. The smiles on our faces died when Hatori got out with a grim expression. Haru refused to meet our eyes. Momoji and Kisa were both crying. For a group of people whose curse just got broken, they looked like someone had died.
And someone did. Akito was the last person to get out of the car. I have never seen him like that before. He looked healthy. He was no longer sickly thin. There was color in his cheeks that didn't come from a high fever. And he looked remorseful. Then it struck me. How was the curse broken anyway? In our excitement, no one asked. And where were you? A feeling of dread filled my body.
Akito opened his mouth. I only heard bits and pieces. about how you decided to transfer the Sohma course from Akito to you, since you knew that you didn't have long to live. Two days after living under the weight of the curse, you passed away. With only Akito by your side.
You finally came back to me. In a coffin. You look happy lying there. You look like an angel, free from the nightmares that pursed you like demons. I change my mind; you are selfish, selfish for seeking the easy way out. Selfish for taking my heat without letting me win yours in return.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything.
Back to Me
I hate you. It was probably a feeling that no one except for me can understand. To hate the person who I love. But you have given me too many reasons to. I hate your unselfishness. I hate your blue eyes that see through everything. I hate your sad smile that is as powerful as a bolt of lightening. I know that you will come back one day. I just never expected you to come back like this. Wearing an eternal smile of happiness that you never found in me.
He's standing on the other side, and I can easily read the anguish in his red eyes. The neko was never very good at concealing things, especially his own feelings. He meets my eyes over you, and I can see the fire dying in his eyes. I mirrored that expression inside, unlike him however, I like to keep my pain to myself. It's the only way I know how to survive.
There were two events that changed the lives of the Sohma clan. One was the arrival of Tohru. And the other was you. When Tohru first brought you home, I guess we all thought that you were just going to be another stray that our kind housekeeper saved from the streets. Seeing you for the first time, with that the setting sun behind you, you did look like a stray. a stray angel. It was a perfect moment meant to last forever, until that baka-neko interrupted complaining how he was hungry enough to eat leeks. It didn't take long for us to get into one of our usual fights. I guess it reminded you of your own past when you smiled at us. It was the first time I saw you smile. And I wanted to wipe that memory away forever. It was a smile that expressed more hurt than happiness. Even with the Juunish curse, I don't think that I've ever seen such a blank smile before. It was like the Noh- masks, frozen on your pale face.
Even with Tohru's delicious diner, you still seemed far away. You didn't even seem to notice how Shigure was slobbering all over you until Kyou and I poured the boiling soup onto his lap. The rest of that meal was quiet except for the dog's howls of pain in his room.
It was the first time that Kyou and I refrained from provoking each other. I kept stealing glances at you, and I noticed that my baka cousin was doing the same thing. I didn't know if you noticed us, or if you did, you just pretended not to. Tohru was the only person who tried to act like there wasn't a thick blanket of tension squeezing the little dinner table. I remember surfacing a few seconds at a time to listen to what Tohru was saying before going back to stealing glances at you. Only a few things registered, things that concerned you. Even through most of what I learnt were little trivial matters. Things like your name was Tsukino Usgai and that you were a year younger than us. It was until dinner was finished and Tohru dragged Kyou and I into the kitchens that she told us why you were here. I didn't think that Tohru has ever looked so serious before. She told us that she met you at the hospital where she volunteered. She told us that you had a weak heart. Your parents in the hopes of finding a heart donor sent you overseas. But when you were away, your whole family died in a car crash. Now with no money, and no place to stay, you had to leave the hospital.
It was your eyes that caught Tohru's attention. She said that you had her mother's eyes. They were the same clear sapphire, except there was no more life in yours. Tohru said that at first, your friends came to visit you, especially a young couple both with raven black hair. They would talk while you quietly looked out the window. But after awhile the visitors stopped coming. You didn't seem to notice that the roses beside your bed began to die.
Being the person that she was, I was not surprised that Tohru did what she did. Even though she caused quite a scandal at the hospital, and it took all the Sohma connections to assure the director that she didn't intend it to appear as a kidnapping. But you didn't seem to care about anything that was happening around you.
I remember that it was a week later when we first heard your voice. And let me tell you, it almost scared the baka neko out of his fur. But I have to agree that it was quite unnerving to wake up in the middle of the night from a blood-curdling scream. I've never seen Shigure so quiet before when Tohru ran into your room, rocking your back and forth while you told her in a small trembling voice that you had another nightmare about them. Over Tohru's shoulder, I could see the wild look in your eyes that made you look so small and helpless. A stab of pain shot through my chest, and I could hear Kyou's gasp beside me. Both of us fell under your spell that night.
We made more attempts to talk to you after that. Before, both of us went out of our way to avoid you in the house. But now, it was impossible for either of us to look at you and turn away. I thought that our efforts moved you a little, because you would give us a little sad smile when we were with you.
The baka neko and I even stopped our fights because of you. Well not completely, but when we did 'argue' it was to wring a smile from your face. No matter how sad your smile was, but still, a smile was still a smile. Sometimes I would get so jealous because you would only smile when both Kyou and I are with you. You never smiled for me alone.
It was almost a month after you came to stay that I finally found out what your nightmares were about. Tohru was working that night. Usually she would take a bath with you, but since she wasn't there, you were alone in the bathroom. I still have to thank the hentai dog for this. If Shigure hadn't suggested that Kyou and I break into the bathroom after you locked yourself in there for two hours, we would've lost you that night. It's funny how your body could betray you at the most crucial time, because that was exactly what happened. When I stepped into that steamy bathroom, and saw you submerged in the water, the cut on your wrist making a beautiful red ribbon in the clear water. I would've stayed frozen like that if it wasn't for Kyou. I always pride myself to be the calm one, but there I was standing there watching with horrified eyes as the neko picked up your limp body and wrapped it in a towel before carrying your back into your room. Shigure called Hatori while I finally snapped out of my horror when Kyou punched me in the guts. He didn't have to say anything for me to understand.
Thank god for Hatori. I thought that Kyou and I would've killed ourselves I something happened to you. But Hatori told us that all you needed was a blood transfusion. I would've let Hatori drain the last drop of my blood for you, but we had to use Shigure's instead because he was only one present who had the same blood type.
Hatori, Kyou, and I took turns staying by your side. Shigure went to get some rest at the doctor's order. I don't think that you could know how much I was hurting just by looking at you lying there, paler than snow. I thought that we succeeded in helping you, but what a big mistake. You were unconscious the whole night, but there were times when your eyes opened, an unfocused look in the clear sapphire orbs as you murmured a few things like: okaasan.fault. senshi. betrayal. I didn't know who the senshi are but I want to lock them up with Akito and give them a taste of the wrath of the Sohma head.
When you woke up in the morning and found that you were still alive, you looked indifferent, but I could feel the desperation. Kyou felt it too I think, because I saw the way his fists clutched. He did that only when he was helpless to change things. Before Hatori left, he advised us to keep an eye on you all the time.
Then Tohru came home, and I have never seen her so angry and afraid before. And when she yelled at us.I have never seen Tohru's scary side before, and I never want to again. But that wasn't the only thing that I was afraid of. Hatori was out the whole night; there was no double that his visit was going to be questioned. Kyou and Shigure knew the significance too, and for a few days, we lived like it was going to be the end of the world.
Then it started again. One by one the Juunish came, just like when Tohru first came to stay. Unlike Tohru however, who had to prove herself to be trusted with the family secret, all you had to do was to look at them with your piercing blue eyes and your sad smile before they fell under the same spell that Kyou and I were under. I don't know if it was a good thing or bad thing to let you know so much about the curse. And I have to admit, I was more than a little jealous when Haru offered you a blue flower and when that ecchi brother of mine kissed your hand. I think I saw the closest thing to a grin on your face when I kicked Ayame out of the house. But there were moments that I want to last forever, like when you played with Kisa with that look of almost love in your eyes. I heard you tell Tohru that Kisa reminded you of a little cousin Chibi-Usa.
All of us knew that it was coming of course. But the knowledge didn't make the reality any easier to bear. We all knew that you were dying. Even with the Sohma influence, it was impossible for you to live without a heart donor. But we never gave up hope. Then the summon came. From Akito. None of us were allowed to go with you.
It was a cold day when you left. You held Kyou's hand and mine in a warm grip. Something cold and round was slipped into our joint hands. The only thing you said was a quiet 'thank you' before you got into the car sent from the Main House. I wanted to say a little encouragement to you, but it never came out. Beside me, I could see Kyou's eyes shimmering with wetness.
We didn't hear anything from you. No matter how many times Shigure called Hatori, no one knew what happened to you. Tohru was worried out of her mind. I was ready to go to the Main House myself if Shigure hadn't stopped me.
You have been gone exactly a week when I woke up one night to a warm pulsing sensation in my body. Bewildered I left the room to see both Kyou and Shigure also out of bed looking as shocked as myself. The faint glow in the living room caught our attention. The crystal that you left was emitting a gently light. Before we knew what happened, the phone rang. At 3:00 am in the morning. When Shigure picked up the phone, we heard at least five voices yelling simultaneously. The only thing that I understood were: curse. broken. At that exact second, a sleepy Tohru joined jus. Without saying anything I hugged her, and waited for the familiar pouf of smoke and the feeling of my transformation. It never happened. I stood hugging Tohru until I was shoved to the side by Kyou who did the same thing I did. He hugged her, and nothing happened. We shared a big smile. It finally happened. The curse was broken, we were finally free.
We didn't go back to sleep that night. The four of us celebrated with whatever we could find. I would never let Shigure sing karaoke ever again. I think that dogs within the five miles radius were howling with him. The only thing that was missing was you.
But that was changed when you came home the next morning. Hatori called to warn us beforehand. In my excitement, I missed the strained tone in the phone.
I wanted to tell you of the good news, even though you might already know. Kyou and I helped Tohru cleaned the house, even Shigure made himself useful by staying in his room.
We were all standing outside laughing and joking when the long back car pulled up to the house. The smiles on our faces died when Hatori got out with a grim expression. Haru refused to meet our eyes. Momoji and Kisa were both crying. For a group of people whose curse just got broken, they looked like someone had died.
And someone did. Akito was the last person to get out of the car. I have never seen him like that before. He looked healthy. He was no longer sickly thin. There was color in his cheeks that didn't come from a high fever. And he looked remorseful. Then it struck me. How was the curse broken anyway? In our excitement, no one asked. And where were you? A feeling of dread filled my body.
Akito opened his mouth. I only heard bits and pieces. about how you decided to transfer the Sohma course from Akito to you, since you knew that you didn't have long to live. Two days after living under the weight of the curse, you passed away. With only Akito by your side.
You finally came back to me. In a coffin. You look happy lying there. You look like an angel, free from the nightmares that pursed you like demons. I change my mind; you are selfish, selfish for seeking the easy way out. Selfish for taking my heat without letting me win yours in return.