Disclaimer: First of all I don't own Artemis Fowl, but I wish I did (but
doesn't everybody?) I don't even know the point of these 'Disclaimers'.
Everybody knows that I or anyone else on fanfiction.net DOES NOT own
Artemis Fowl. Man! I think people should know that by now. It's not like
Eoin Colfer is going to post the Artemis Fowl sires on fanfiction.net
anyway! Errrrrrrrrrrrrg! What's the point of these D'Arviting things
anyway! Oh well.
Author's note: I might be putting the characters out of character but hey you'd be out o character too if you, wait! i wont tell you! Or if you watched a character go. Wait! I'm not telling you either!
Holly: First of all mud girl don't call me Holly! I'm captain Short of the LEPrecon, got it!
Kyoko: yah **yawn**. is that all you got to say Hol. errr. Captain **nervous laughter*
Holly: Ok mud girl, you asked for it. **Leaps at Kyoko with an urge to rip out her throat.
Artemis: Short, don't try to kill the author. She hasn't done anything to you yet.
Kyoko: YAH! Do I deserve this unwanted torture?
Artemis: I didn't say you didn't deserve torture; you will probably do deserve unwanted torture AFTER the fic is written. Holly save your energy and after the fic is over, you can dispose of her.
Holly, errr, Captain Short: Oh all right, but I better be able to wring her little neck tells she pleads for mercy! Mawhahahahahhahahahahahahah!
Artemis: **Inches away from Holly, D'Arvit! I called Holly. Holly! Arghhhhh! The insanity! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**
Kyoko: Anyway, I might as well writ this before I meet my end, as Americans might say. What is it again? Oh yes! (It's obvious that I'm not American) "LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!"
Chapter one: What in the book of the people happened to you?
Holly was back at home after an exceedingly long day at work. If one would look at her you could swear tiredness leaked from every pore. She sighed and stared out the window.
Just then a rather loud and wild knock on her door.
Startled, she jumped backward, tripped, and fell, cracking his head on the floor just as Commander Root strolled into his bedroom.
"Hello, Holly. Are you okay?"
"'Course, Professor Dumbledore," Holly replied, getting up quickly and dusting off her pants, "A little fall from my broomstick is nothing but a routine in rigorous Quidditch training."
Root looked strangely at her, then said merely and suspiciously: "Ah."
Holly ran up and shook Root's shoulders, screaming, "DO YOU HEAR WHAT I'M TELLING YOU JOHN?! MS. ROWLANDS IS THE WHITE RIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Root slow stepped back from Holly. "Holly, what in the book of the people has happened to you?"
Holly stared at him and smiled. "Ah, what's up doc?"
Root had to try and hold back some un-commander like laughter. Then Foaly came in to see how Ho. errr. Captain Short, **A/N:I swear I'll never finish this fanfic alive!** was doing because all day she was tiered and grumpy and just down in the dumps.
"Hello Commander," he said, "It looks like you've come to see our." He abruptly stopped as he saw Holly jumping and skipping around like she was Peter Pan saying: "I can fly! I can fly! I CAN FLY!!"
"Wow, some one has one to many steroids, eh Commander?" Foaly said sarcastically.
"Foaly. Is there anyway we can reverse the effects on our Captain?"
"I supposed we could reverse the effects of the fall by hitting her on the head, but really, this is starting to get interesting." Foaly replied.
Holly began to do the hula. Root was forced to cough to hold back a very un- Commander like giggles. And Foaly was rolling around on the floor with hysterical laughter.
Suddenly, Holly stopped singing, and her face became dead serious.
"I know what I must do, but I'm afraid to do it."
"What?" Booth Foaly and Root stared unblinking at the now serious Holly.
With a grim face, Holly recited,
"One for the Dark Lord on his Dark throne,
Three for the Dwarf-Lords in their halls of stone,
Seven for the Elven-Kings under the sky,
Nine for mortal men doomed to die,
In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie,
One ring to rule them all,
One ring to find them,
One ring to bring them all,
And in the darkness, Bind them!
In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie,"
Foaly applauded. "Splendid poetry, my Captain. Couldn't have done better myself!"
The red faced Beetroot looked at him "You don't know poetry."
"Neither dose Holly."
"THE ROOM IS SPINNING! WEEEEEEEE!" Holly yelled jumping on Foaly frantically, as Root burst out laughing. Boy, was he glad he hadn't done a reversal spell! THIS was 1st-class entertainment! If only Holly had read a book about a blender, or a popcorn machine.
When Holly had finished begging Foaly the pharaoh to "Let My People GO!"
"I could get used to this. Me a pharaoh!" Foaly laughed.
Holly suddenly realized who she was.OF COURSE! ROMEO! MAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
**Artemis: She is crazy. (Resume)**
Holly fell to her knees and took up Root's hand. In between moist kisses to said hand, she said passionately,
"Ah, Juliet!"
Eventually, Holly realized what was wrong. She stood. "Whoops. Wrong gender. Here you be Romeo!"
She climbed upon her bed (er-the balcony) and sighed:
"Oh, Romeo, Romeo,
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Deny thy father,
and refuse thy name,
or if thou wilt not,
be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet."
Off stage: Artemis and Kyoko: **blink** (Resuming) When Holly puckered her lips, Root began to fear, and jumped to his feet, slowly backing away.
Foaly was now lying on his stomach on Holly's bedroom floor, pounding the carpet in between hysterical giggles.
No. I'm not Juliet I'm.
LYRA SILVERTOUNG!
She sat furiously down on the floor and whipped her eyes with the palm of her hand. She pulled out her compass and stared at it. After a while she furiously cried.
"It's gone Will! I can't read the Alethiometer any more. It's gone forever!" She Cried and flung herself at Foaly.
"Holly, get off of me." Foaly squeaked. "You are chocking me!"
"Holly stop this insanity!" Root yelled and hit her on the back of her head.
"Price check on prune juice Bob, price check on prune juice." She said in a high nasal voice.
"Wrong channel!" Root yelled his face bet red and he hit her head again.
Holly took a blanket and drew it around her and put her right hand over her heart and said in a medieval tone:
"Oh Cesar! Emperor of Rome!"
"Wrong Channel Moron!"
"Oh Yorik." (A/N: Is that how you spell the name of the scull in the play Hamlet?)
"Wrong!"
"Ok b'ys were going to."
"Defiantly wrong channel!" Root yelled and hit her squarely in between her eyes knocking her against the wall.
"D'Arvit!" they hear a muffled voice say.
"Good for you, Holly," Foaly said, "You've found your mind!"
~ THE END.........or is it? ~
TEE-HEE!!!! REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!! Tell me what ya think? Maybe I'll do this to other unfortunate characters. I can just see Arty doing the hula! Tell me if you like it and. Dun Dun Dun DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN! Who is my next victim? Give me your opinion.
Author's note: I might be putting the characters out of character but hey you'd be out o character too if you, wait! i wont tell you! Or if you watched a character go. Wait! I'm not telling you either!
Holly: First of all mud girl don't call me Holly! I'm captain Short of the LEPrecon, got it!
Kyoko: yah **yawn**. is that all you got to say Hol. errr. Captain **nervous laughter*
Holly: Ok mud girl, you asked for it. **Leaps at Kyoko with an urge to rip out her throat.
Artemis: Short, don't try to kill the author. She hasn't done anything to you yet.
Kyoko: YAH! Do I deserve this unwanted torture?
Artemis: I didn't say you didn't deserve torture; you will probably do deserve unwanted torture AFTER the fic is written. Holly save your energy and after the fic is over, you can dispose of her.
Holly, errr, Captain Short: Oh all right, but I better be able to wring her little neck tells she pleads for mercy! Mawhahahahahhahahahahahahah!
Artemis: **Inches away from Holly, D'Arvit! I called Holly. Holly! Arghhhhh! The insanity! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**
Kyoko: Anyway, I might as well writ this before I meet my end, as Americans might say. What is it again? Oh yes! (It's obvious that I'm not American) "LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!"
Chapter one: What in the book of the people happened to you?
Holly was back at home after an exceedingly long day at work. If one would look at her you could swear tiredness leaked from every pore. She sighed and stared out the window.
Just then a rather loud and wild knock on her door.
Startled, she jumped backward, tripped, and fell, cracking his head on the floor just as Commander Root strolled into his bedroom.
"Hello, Holly. Are you okay?"
"'Course, Professor Dumbledore," Holly replied, getting up quickly and dusting off her pants, "A little fall from my broomstick is nothing but a routine in rigorous Quidditch training."
Root looked strangely at her, then said merely and suspiciously: "Ah."
Holly ran up and shook Root's shoulders, screaming, "DO YOU HEAR WHAT I'M TELLING YOU JOHN?! MS. ROWLANDS IS THE WHITE RIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Root slow stepped back from Holly. "Holly, what in the book of the people has happened to you?"
Holly stared at him and smiled. "Ah, what's up doc?"
Root had to try and hold back some un-commander like laughter. Then Foaly came in to see how Ho. errr. Captain Short, **A/N:I swear I'll never finish this fanfic alive!** was doing because all day she was tiered and grumpy and just down in the dumps.
"Hello Commander," he said, "It looks like you've come to see our." He abruptly stopped as he saw Holly jumping and skipping around like she was Peter Pan saying: "I can fly! I can fly! I CAN FLY!!"
"Wow, some one has one to many steroids, eh Commander?" Foaly said sarcastically.
"Foaly. Is there anyway we can reverse the effects on our Captain?"
"I supposed we could reverse the effects of the fall by hitting her on the head, but really, this is starting to get interesting." Foaly replied.
Holly began to do the hula. Root was forced to cough to hold back a very un- Commander like giggles. And Foaly was rolling around on the floor with hysterical laughter.
Suddenly, Holly stopped singing, and her face became dead serious.
"I know what I must do, but I'm afraid to do it."
"What?" Booth Foaly and Root stared unblinking at the now serious Holly.
With a grim face, Holly recited,
"One for the Dark Lord on his Dark throne,
Three for the Dwarf-Lords in their halls of stone,
Seven for the Elven-Kings under the sky,
Nine for mortal men doomed to die,
In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie,
One ring to rule them all,
One ring to find them,
One ring to bring them all,
And in the darkness, Bind them!
In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie,"
Foaly applauded. "Splendid poetry, my Captain. Couldn't have done better myself!"
The red faced Beetroot looked at him "You don't know poetry."
"Neither dose Holly."
"THE ROOM IS SPINNING! WEEEEEEEE!" Holly yelled jumping on Foaly frantically, as Root burst out laughing. Boy, was he glad he hadn't done a reversal spell! THIS was 1st-class entertainment! If only Holly had read a book about a blender, or a popcorn machine.
When Holly had finished begging Foaly the pharaoh to "Let My People GO!"
"I could get used to this. Me a pharaoh!" Foaly laughed.
Holly suddenly realized who she was.OF COURSE! ROMEO! MAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
**Artemis: She is crazy. (Resume)**
Holly fell to her knees and took up Root's hand. In between moist kisses to said hand, she said passionately,
"Ah, Juliet!"
Eventually, Holly realized what was wrong. She stood. "Whoops. Wrong gender. Here you be Romeo!"
She climbed upon her bed (er-the balcony) and sighed:
"Oh, Romeo, Romeo,
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Deny thy father,
and refuse thy name,
or if thou wilt not,
be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet."
Off stage: Artemis and Kyoko: **blink** (Resuming) When Holly puckered her lips, Root began to fear, and jumped to his feet, slowly backing away.
Foaly was now lying on his stomach on Holly's bedroom floor, pounding the carpet in between hysterical giggles.
No. I'm not Juliet I'm.
LYRA SILVERTOUNG!
She sat furiously down on the floor and whipped her eyes with the palm of her hand. She pulled out her compass and stared at it. After a while she furiously cried.
"It's gone Will! I can't read the Alethiometer any more. It's gone forever!" She Cried and flung herself at Foaly.
"Holly, get off of me." Foaly squeaked. "You are chocking me!"
"Holly stop this insanity!" Root yelled and hit her on the back of her head.
"Price check on prune juice Bob, price check on prune juice." She said in a high nasal voice.
"Wrong channel!" Root yelled his face bet red and he hit her head again.
Holly took a blanket and drew it around her and put her right hand over her heart and said in a medieval tone:
"Oh Cesar! Emperor of Rome!"
"Wrong Channel Moron!"
"Oh Yorik." (A/N: Is that how you spell the name of the scull in the play Hamlet?)
"Wrong!"
"Ok b'ys were going to."
"Defiantly wrong channel!" Root yelled and hit her squarely in between her eyes knocking her against the wall.
"D'Arvit!" they hear a muffled voice say.
"Good for you, Holly," Foaly said, "You've found your mind!"
~ THE END.........or is it? ~
TEE-HEE!!!! REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!! Tell me what ya think? Maybe I'll do this to other unfortunate characters. I can just see Arty doing the hula! Tell me if you like it and. Dun Dun Dun DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN! Who is my next victim? Give me your opinion.