"For a long time I was in love
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells
And all I wanted was a simple thing
A simple kind of life"
-No Doubt
p
Buffy tossed and turned trying to rid her head of the thoughts. She finally sat up knowing that sleep wouldn't be possible. She was thinking about Spike. It was funny how this man who she hated so much claimed so many of her thoughts. Dawn was angry with her but Dawn was just a kid, she didn't understand. But her mom was an adult and she seemed a little upset. I only did what I had to, she thought. But she kept thinking of his hurt expression.
"You're beneath me. You're a sick miserable vampire that I should have dusted a long time ago. The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. It changes everything, Spike! I want you out. I want you out of this town, I want you off this planet! You don't come near me, my friends, or my family again ever! Understand?"
She thought about everything he had done for her. Some for money, but others just because. /He can't love me,/ she thought. /Even if he did love Dru, he can't love me. It's not natural./ Unbidden Angel appeared in her mind. She hadn't killed him even when he was Angelus.
/But he's Spike! She told her mind. /As in bad, evil. Not Angel, Angel's good./ But then all the things he had done for her came back to her mind. Then she began to think of all the times she had had the chance to kill him but hadn't. Even the time he had kidnapped the doctor who was supposed to help Riley.
She never staked him. /Maybe I do like him,/ she admitted to herself. As soon as the thought entered her mind she got up and got dressed. /I'll just go for a walk,/ she told herself. /To clear my head./ But she found herself in front of his crypt. p
"Into this night I wander
It's morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of
The path I fear to tread
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
Nothing stands between us here
And I won't be denied"
-Sarah McLachlan
p
Buffy tentatively pushed the door to the crypt open. Spike was sitting in his chair. He stood when she walked in and glared at her as she made her way into the crypt. "Another round of kick the Spike?" he asked her. "I'm not welcome in your home so you're not welcome in mine."
"Spike-" she started.
"I'll admit it," he said cutting her off. "I made a lot of mistakes with you, but I've been trying. The Parker thing, well I was angry. My idiot sire leaves you and you jump the bones of the next guy who flashes you a smile."
"Spike I-"
"Then, I know chaining you up was a mistake but I was scared. Buffy I've only been with one woman in my entire life. I don't know how to love you like a normal guy. Or even like Angel."
"I-"
"I was stupid but I just wanted you to like me. I feel like I'm a kid again. Just standing in front of you asking you to forgive me. I know you don't think that I can love you but I can, I do. I'm a vampire Buffy, but I'm not exactly normal."
"Spike would you let me talk!" she yelled startling the vampire into silence. "I know all of that okay? I didn't want to believe that an evil vampire could be in love with me but now that I know." she trailed off. "I'm just scared."
"Scared?" he asked. "Of me?"
"Yes," she said almost crying. "Of you, of. love. I can't love you Spike because I like you."
"Luv," he said. "That made no sense."
"I know," she said. "But it's true. I like you and I don't want you to leave. When I fall in love with a guy he leaves me."
"I'm not leaving," he told her. "You're not going to get rid of me." She looked at him not believing. "I love you pet, I'm not going anywhere."
p
"Through this world I've stumbled
So many times betrayed
Trying to find an honest word to find
The truth enslaved
Oh you speak to me in riddles
And you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath
Your words keep me alive
And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after, I'd wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear"
-Sarah McLachlan
p
They stared at each other and Spike could see that she was on the verge of discovery. He held his proverbial breath. He reached out with a gently shaking hand and brushed her hair out of her face. Much to his shock she didn't move away or try to hit him. Buffy allowed this contact. She was so confused, it all seemed so right but everything in her told her that it was wrong, unnatural.
"Spike-" she whispered her voice perplexed.
"Shh," he whispered. Then his lips descended upon hers demanding that she respond. She melted against him. He tangled his hands in her hair. She clutched the fabric of his shirt. Finally when she could no longer breath she pulled away. She stepped away from him and started for the door. He stood behind her confused and slightly hurt. Then she turned back and offered him a small smile.
"Spike," she said. "You're always welcome at my house." Again she started to leave and paused. "And, maybe, there is a chance between you and me." Then she did leave. Spike smiled watching her go.
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells
And all I wanted was a simple thing
A simple kind of life"
-No Doubt
p
Buffy tossed and turned trying to rid her head of the thoughts. She finally sat up knowing that sleep wouldn't be possible. She was thinking about Spike. It was funny how this man who she hated so much claimed so many of her thoughts. Dawn was angry with her but Dawn was just a kid, she didn't understand. But her mom was an adult and she seemed a little upset. I only did what I had to, she thought. But she kept thinking of his hurt expression.
"You're beneath me. You're a sick miserable vampire that I should have dusted a long time ago. The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. It changes everything, Spike! I want you out. I want you out of this town, I want you off this planet! You don't come near me, my friends, or my family again ever! Understand?"
She thought about everything he had done for her. Some for money, but others just because. /He can't love me,/ she thought. /Even if he did love Dru, he can't love me. It's not natural./ Unbidden Angel appeared in her mind. She hadn't killed him even when he was Angelus.
/But he's Spike! She told her mind. /As in bad, evil. Not Angel, Angel's good./ But then all the things he had done for her came back to her mind. Then she began to think of all the times she had had the chance to kill him but hadn't. Even the time he had kidnapped the doctor who was supposed to help Riley.
She never staked him. /Maybe I do like him,/ she admitted to herself. As soon as the thought entered her mind she got up and got dressed. /I'll just go for a walk,/ she told herself. /To clear my head./ But she found herself in front of his crypt. p
"Into this night I wander
It's morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of
The path I fear to tread
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
Nothing stands between us here
And I won't be denied"
-Sarah McLachlan
p
Buffy tentatively pushed the door to the crypt open. Spike was sitting in his chair. He stood when she walked in and glared at her as she made her way into the crypt. "Another round of kick the Spike?" he asked her. "I'm not welcome in your home so you're not welcome in mine."
"Spike-" she started.
"I'll admit it," he said cutting her off. "I made a lot of mistakes with you, but I've been trying. The Parker thing, well I was angry. My idiot sire leaves you and you jump the bones of the next guy who flashes you a smile."
"Spike I-"
"Then, I know chaining you up was a mistake but I was scared. Buffy I've only been with one woman in my entire life. I don't know how to love you like a normal guy. Or even like Angel."
"I-"
"I was stupid but I just wanted you to like me. I feel like I'm a kid again. Just standing in front of you asking you to forgive me. I know you don't think that I can love you but I can, I do. I'm a vampire Buffy, but I'm not exactly normal."
"Spike would you let me talk!" she yelled startling the vampire into silence. "I know all of that okay? I didn't want to believe that an evil vampire could be in love with me but now that I know." she trailed off. "I'm just scared."
"Scared?" he asked. "Of me?"
"Yes," she said almost crying. "Of you, of. love. I can't love you Spike because I like you."
"Luv," he said. "That made no sense."
"I know," she said. "But it's true. I like you and I don't want you to leave. When I fall in love with a guy he leaves me."
"I'm not leaving," he told her. "You're not going to get rid of me." She looked at him not believing. "I love you pet, I'm not going anywhere."
p
"Through this world I've stumbled
So many times betrayed
Trying to find an honest word to find
The truth enslaved
Oh you speak to me in riddles
And you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath
Your words keep me alive
And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after, I'd wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear"
-Sarah McLachlan
p
They stared at each other and Spike could see that she was on the verge of discovery. He held his proverbial breath. He reached out with a gently shaking hand and brushed her hair out of her face. Much to his shock she didn't move away or try to hit him. Buffy allowed this contact. She was so confused, it all seemed so right but everything in her told her that it was wrong, unnatural.
"Spike-" she whispered her voice perplexed.
"Shh," he whispered. Then his lips descended upon hers demanding that she respond. She melted against him. He tangled his hands in her hair. She clutched the fabric of his shirt. Finally when she could no longer breath she pulled away. She stepped away from him and started for the door. He stood behind her confused and slightly hurt. Then she turned back and offered him a small smile.
"Spike," she said. "You're always welcome at my house." Again she started to leave and paused. "And, maybe, there is a chance between you and me." Then she did leave. Spike smiled watching her go.