Disclaimer: I own nothing. Zilch. If I were JKR, I doubt I'd be writing this. She has more sense.

A/N: this is silly. Hell, it's complete and utter stupidity. I'm only putting it up here because it vaguely amused me, as do most things I think up when I should be asleep… YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! :D

One day Hermione woke up and discovered she was a beach ball. It wasn't especially unpleasant, and very round and smooth. The colours gave her a slight headache. But bouncing was fun.

She was a very big beach, about knee high. And round, of course. The main problem was getting downstairs, but soon she managed it (in good old kamakize fashion) and rolled into the common room.

'Hermione!' exclaimed Ron. 'You're a beach ball!'

'No shit Sherlock,' replied Hermione, despite a certain lack of mouth.

Harry, for the first but by all means not the last time, blinked.

~*~*~*~*~*~

That same day Ron woke up to discover all of his clothes had been stolen. My beloved Draco would've called it far better than being stuck with those clothes. But Ron, unfortunately, wasn't Draco and was slightly pissed.

'My clothes have gone,' he announced.

Harry blinked. Dean blinked. Seamus blinked. Neville was asleep, and snoring, but had he been awake I'm sure he'd've joined in.

'No,' contradicted Dean. 'You've got some pants.'

'Holy underwear!!!' shrieked Ron, backing away as if it were trying to bite him, which, considering how long they hadn't been washed for, they probably were.

'Grrrrrrr…' hissed the pants, before springing out of Deans hand and, in a brave yet stupid bid for freedom, jumping through the open window.

Harry, of course, blinked.

~*~*~*~*~*~

That very morning, in the depths of some dungeon somewhere, all of the Slytherin 5th year boys, all curled up in their lovely warm beds, were woken to a strange noise and a very confused Pansy Parkinson.

'He's singing,' hissed the befuddled girl. 'He's singing, and he wont shut up!'

All of the boys pulled themselves out of bed, and lumbered after Pansy.

~*~*~*~*~*~

'So…' began Ron, draped rather splendidly in his bed sheets. 'Hermione's a beach ball.'

'I noticed.' Snapped beachball!Hermione.

'What are we going to do?'

Harry, who had been securing the window in case the pants made a return, paused and cleared his throat. Everyone gasped, was Harry going to speak??

'We could always, y'know, play volleyball?'

~*~*~*~*~*~

'I feel pretty

Oh so pretty

I feel pretty and witty and gay

And I pity

Any girl who isn't me today

I feel charming

Oh so charming

It's alarming how charming I feel

And so pretty

That I hardly can believe I'm real

See the pretty girl in that mirror there

Who can that attractive girl be?

Such a pretty face

Such a pretty dress

Such a pretty smile

Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning

And entrancing

Feel like running and dancing for joy

For I'm loved

By a pretty wonderful boy!' sang Draco Malfoy, spinning around and around the Great Hall. The Slytherins, having assembled at the end of their corridor, all gawped.

'I told you!' exclaimed a very frantic Pansy. 'He wont shut up!!'

'He's a good dancer though,' reasoned Vincent.

All the Slytherins grunted in agreement.

~*~*~*~*~*~

'Malfoy is dancing,' stated Ron, wrapping his sheet-toga protectively around him. Hermione made a pleasant squeaky noise of agreement, sailing over the makeshift net Harry had erected in the Entrance Hall.

Harry, being Harry, just blinked.