This is probably the longest chapter, but it's also the best! (in *my*
humble opinion, lol) Well, this is the concluding chap of Wounded in My
Eyes,
Last time: Ash and Misty were on a snorkeling cruise, but they chose to venture on a nearby island. Ash attempted to commit suicide by jumping off the cliff into the ocean. Misty swam over and saved him. Now, the doctors are on their way.
Red. The blood is red and soaking my face, and when I raise my head the people gasp. They are a hoard of nameless, faceless people, all weaving before me.
"It was an accident," I spit out finally, my voice sounding strangely unreal, "No. It wasn't. He jumped."
Then words are swirling over my head; words that makes it hurt more..ambulance, life support, and a whole bunch of "omigods," clumped together. All their words, blending into my skull. I can't keep my head up, and I lower it to the sand and give myself up to the blackness.
"Misty! Misty!"
A familiar voice from above. If only I could raise my head.
"She's fainted! Misty! Misty!"
I haven't fainted. I need to raise my head. I need to tell them I'm still here.
"Someone call 9-1-1! Quick, he's losing blood fast!"
The sand is red below me. My head is touching his ear, my lips his lean, thin cheekbone.
"Ash."
My voice sounds hoarse and low in my throat, but I can still hear it. And so can he.
"Yes..?" he whispers, and I feel his body convulse with coughs. I feel him, I hear him, but the rest of the world has somehow fades away.
"Why did you do it?"
"I need...I need an end...from the guilt.." A tremor runs through his body, and I'm not sure how much longer his life will hold out.
"What guilt?"
"What I did to you...Charizard..Togepi..."
"Charizard..?" I want to ask more, but I realize this isn't the time for this. " Just don't leave me, Ash. Please." My pleading lips are brushing against his cheek every time I speak. I squeeze his hand and feel the blood trickling between our interlocked fingers.
"I need you," I add despairingly, the hot tears burning my face. I taste them in my mouth. There are other things. Fear. I taste fear.
"Promise.." I rest my hand on his arm. His warm, strong arm which I might never touch again. "Promise you won't leave me, Ash Ketchum. It was wrong of me to go. It was wrong of me not to stay by you. I forgive you."
He's coughing now, the wretched sound cutting through the voices around us, which have appeared again in the background. "Promise...." he gasps between coughs.
And than they are tearing our hands apart and lifting him up onto the ambulance stretcher. I'm running desperately after him, but hands are holding me away, hard hands, uncaring hands.
"You'd better come, too, Miss," one of the attendants says, coaxing me onto the stretcher. I'm not going, I say, but the words don't come out.
They push me onto the stiff thing, and it feels like I'm swinging back and forth on a pendulum.
Before I know it, they strap me into the helicopter and they set my stretcher down next to Ash's. I stare at the patterns on the ceiling of the helicopter as I feel them taking my checking all my vital signs. The sound in the machine is nearly deafening, and I wonder how the nurses can tell what they're doing.
They're checking for wounds now. I have a huge bruise on my arm and my legs are all cut up, but I don't even notice the pain. It's as if my legs are detatcheddetached from my body and I'm just floating.
The humming seems so surreal. I wonder when I can break the bubble and face reality.
~*~
My world has just been turned upside down, while everyone else continues with life as if nothing is happening.
Their calm, matter-of-fact tone makes me want to grasp them by the shoulders and shake them.
"Ash," I say dimly, "Where is he?" I am in the slate gray room with a single doctor bustling around.
"He's being taken care of," she says curtly, turning away from me.
"Where?"
"Don't worry yourself. He's fine." But her carefully averted eyes tellseyes tell me she's lying.
Rage rushes into my throat, and before I know it, my mouth is opening and I'm screaming, demanding to know where they put him.
The doctor regards me with cool eyes. The intensity of my demands has not seemed to reach her.
"I know you've gone through a shock," she's saying. As she speaks, I catch a glance of myself in the mirror that hangs behind her. My blood-soaked shirt is hanging raggedly on my shoulders, and my long red hair is matted to my face. Instead of the tears that should be present in my eyes, there is only a wild, wounded expression.
"Let me go see him," I say softly, my wretched whisper cutting through the silence of the room. Like rocks cutting into skin.
"Please. I beg of you."
"One minute" she turns and walks out of the room, leaving my standing there, shaking.
~*~*
"He's in intensive care."
Intensive care. Another menial term that echoes again and again in my brain.
"Don't stay in for more than ten minutes," she's saying. "When you're done, come right out"
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It's as if I'm about to plunge into an icy sea, one I might drown in.
When I step into the room, his eyes are closed. The handsome is face is etched with pain, so I know he's not asleep. It is only than that I notice the machines. Every part of his body seems to be hooked up to something.
"Ash.." I stumble over to the bed, collapsing onto the floor.
"Please don't leave me. Please don't die. Please don't die. Please.."
I clutch onto his hand and bury my face into the sheets next to it.
Suddenly I feel a faint stirring, and when I glance up I see him staring at me.
And in his eyes I see the old Ash Ketchum.
A pang shoots through my chest as I try to smile. Smile for him at least. "Mi...Mist.." his voice is ragged and shrouded in pain, and I put my finger to his lips. I can't stand seeing him in this much pain.
"Don't talk, don't try to! If it hurts you so much, don't!"
He shakes his head with the same old stubborn determination he has always had. It breaks my heart.
"Misty...I don't...I don't think I will..be able to keep...promise..."
"No!" I scream, pounding the floor. "I thought they said you were fine! I thought they told me they were taking care of you!"
He remains silent, his eyes staring at me. His eyes which are trapped in a dying body.
For a moment we sit in silence, overwhelmed.
"I never thought it would come to this," I say finally, tears choking my voice. "I just wish we were little again."
So many things I want to say to him. I want to talk to him, to live with him, forever, but the inevitable ending looms before us both.
"Was it...was it true what you said?"
"About what?"
"Do you love me?"
I look at him then, lying in the hospital bed, so broken and torn. My eyes fill with unshed tears. The words won't come, so I simply nod.
A smile pushes its way onto his pain-stricken face, and for a moment, everything is perfect. For a moment, we're little again, and our only troubles are reaching the next city.
But the moment ends abruptly with his face twisting in pain. "Ash?" I cry, thinking, this is it. This is the end, and I'm not ready. But then again, I think ruefully, I never will be.
A nurse comes rushing in, tossing up complex words in her path.
"The final stage of the internal bleeding has begun," she informs me, "We were able to stop it for awhile so he could say his good-byes. The end is near, miss." Her words seem to slap me in the face, but I find myself nodding again. These words seem to have no meaning. Good-byes. The End.
It's all rushing by too quickly. Ash, Ash suffering, Ash dying, and all that's left behind are my tears. The End.
I'm watching like I'm from behind a glass wall. Everything is numb inside me, and I think a part of me is dying, too.
I can see him struggling to raise his hand to my face, to touch me one last time. Finally, the pain overtakes him and his hand drops to the blankets, clutching on as his breathing becomes more and more ragged. I take his hand in mine and hold it to my cheek.
His hand is rigid with pain, but gradually it lessens up, slowly, so slowly and at first I think he's getting better. Then I notice something else. It is as if I can almost see the life leaving him, swirling in tendrils towards the ceiling, like when we were kids..
******Hey, Ash. Do you know what it means when you see Ledyba (ican'tspell*cough*) go into flight in the night time? He gave me the same clueless look, as always, so I simply continued. "It means you can make a wish, Ash, and that it will come true in ten years. What do you wish for?" They were swirling all around like a kaleidoscope in flight. "I made my wish," I added, but I refused to tell him what it was. "Tell me! Or else.." "Or else what, Ash Ketchum?" I ask flirtatiously. "Or else I"ll tickle you!" I shriek and scramble over the rock. "Stay awayyy!!!" ******
The memory fades away and I'm staring at his pain-stricken face again. He gets lighter and lighter, and his face fades away. And with that is seems that Ash's soul sighed with relief. It was all over.
"No," I say, wanting to grab that last bit of spirit floating in the air, and somehow keep it forever. But the last of it just drifts away.
"I think he's gone," says the nurse quietly, resting her hand on my shoulder.
I shake it off angrily and turn to her, eyes blazing. "Do you think I don't know that already? You don't need to tell me what you think!"
"Miss, I know this is a hard time for you, but please, be reasonable."
"What the hell would you know about all of this? All you do is sit here and let your patients die! How would you know how this is for me?"
"That's not true," she protests, "we did everything we could. He was bleeding too much from the inside." Her calm voice made something inside me snap.
"I don't need any of this bullshit," I spit out angrily, "I'm out of here."
And then I am.
~*~
I'm still behind the glass. In front of me lies an empty, vast black hole.
The only sensation I feel is a dim, throbbing pain somewhere deep inside.
It doesn't seem possible that the real world is still continuing. Calm orderlies walk down the hallway, their hair tucked neatly behind their ears. They had probably gotten up this morning and made their children lunch. When they got home, they would forget about the hospital and sit them on their lap and talk about what they learned at school.
I wonder what our children would have looked like, I think dimly. Mine and Ash's. I bet they would have been beautiful.
The thought pierces me so suddenly in the heart that I reach up to see if there is a hole in my chest.
I realize that somehow my legs brought me here to stand in front of a glass wall. Inside are rows upon rows of tiny cradles and each holds a person, so tiny and beautiful.
Each of them is pure innocence, the light of tomorrow. I suddenly feel so incredibly old, as if life has already worn me down.
The one closest to the glass stirs a little. His eyes are open slightly and I'm surprised by their huge innocence.
His hair is spiky and black, and his eyes are bright blue.
I just gaze at him for the longest time. Suddenly it strikes me-he reminds me of Ash.
All around me, parents admire their new babies.
The realization hits me slowly. My future, the future I've dreamed about, is standing right in front of me. Yet it is the future I will never have.
The tears rush in, spilling over and nearly blinding me. I turn away from the babies, weeping. Finally I can cry. The pain inside before had been nearly unbearable. As I turn to walk away, I almost run into someone. Quickly I step around him, mumbling an "excuse me."
"Misty?" A man's voice said, filled with concern.
I lift my head slowly and see Brock staring at me.
"Brock. He's gone. He's gone, Brock. Ash is gone."
His face remains emotionless, but he takes me in his arms and hugs me tightly.
"I know."
~*~
Well, there are still a lot of unanswered questions, but that's what the epilogue is for, right? ^__^ Review pleeeeeeease!!!!!
Last time: Ash and Misty were on a snorkeling cruise, but they chose to venture on a nearby island. Ash attempted to commit suicide by jumping off the cliff into the ocean. Misty swam over and saved him. Now, the doctors are on their way.
Red. The blood is red and soaking my face, and when I raise my head the people gasp. They are a hoard of nameless, faceless people, all weaving before me.
"It was an accident," I spit out finally, my voice sounding strangely unreal, "No. It wasn't. He jumped."
Then words are swirling over my head; words that makes it hurt more..ambulance, life support, and a whole bunch of "omigods," clumped together. All their words, blending into my skull. I can't keep my head up, and I lower it to the sand and give myself up to the blackness.
"Misty! Misty!"
A familiar voice from above. If only I could raise my head.
"She's fainted! Misty! Misty!"
I haven't fainted. I need to raise my head. I need to tell them I'm still here.
"Someone call 9-1-1! Quick, he's losing blood fast!"
The sand is red below me. My head is touching his ear, my lips his lean, thin cheekbone.
"Ash."
My voice sounds hoarse and low in my throat, but I can still hear it. And so can he.
"Yes..?" he whispers, and I feel his body convulse with coughs. I feel him, I hear him, but the rest of the world has somehow fades away.
"Why did you do it?"
"I need...I need an end...from the guilt.." A tremor runs through his body, and I'm not sure how much longer his life will hold out.
"What guilt?"
"What I did to you...Charizard..Togepi..."
"Charizard..?" I want to ask more, but I realize this isn't the time for this. " Just don't leave me, Ash. Please." My pleading lips are brushing against his cheek every time I speak. I squeeze his hand and feel the blood trickling between our interlocked fingers.
"I need you," I add despairingly, the hot tears burning my face. I taste them in my mouth. There are other things. Fear. I taste fear.
"Promise.." I rest my hand on his arm. His warm, strong arm which I might never touch again. "Promise you won't leave me, Ash Ketchum. It was wrong of me to go. It was wrong of me not to stay by you. I forgive you."
He's coughing now, the wretched sound cutting through the voices around us, which have appeared again in the background. "Promise...." he gasps between coughs.
And than they are tearing our hands apart and lifting him up onto the ambulance stretcher. I'm running desperately after him, but hands are holding me away, hard hands, uncaring hands.
"You'd better come, too, Miss," one of the attendants says, coaxing me onto the stretcher. I'm not going, I say, but the words don't come out.
They push me onto the stiff thing, and it feels like I'm swinging back and forth on a pendulum.
Before I know it, they strap me into the helicopter and they set my stretcher down next to Ash's. I stare at the patterns on the ceiling of the helicopter as I feel them taking my checking all my vital signs. The sound in the machine is nearly deafening, and I wonder how the nurses can tell what they're doing.
They're checking for wounds now. I have a huge bruise on my arm and my legs are all cut up, but I don't even notice the pain. It's as if my legs are detatcheddetached from my body and I'm just floating.
The humming seems so surreal. I wonder when I can break the bubble and face reality.
~*~
My world has just been turned upside down, while everyone else continues with life as if nothing is happening.
Their calm, matter-of-fact tone makes me want to grasp them by the shoulders and shake them.
"Ash," I say dimly, "Where is he?" I am in the slate gray room with a single doctor bustling around.
"He's being taken care of," she says curtly, turning away from me.
"Where?"
"Don't worry yourself. He's fine." But her carefully averted eyes tellseyes tell me she's lying.
Rage rushes into my throat, and before I know it, my mouth is opening and I'm screaming, demanding to know where they put him.
The doctor regards me with cool eyes. The intensity of my demands has not seemed to reach her.
"I know you've gone through a shock," she's saying. As she speaks, I catch a glance of myself in the mirror that hangs behind her. My blood-soaked shirt is hanging raggedly on my shoulders, and my long red hair is matted to my face. Instead of the tears that should be present in my eyes, there is only a wild, wounded expression.
"Let me go see him," I say softly, my wretched whisper cutting through the silence of the room. Like rocks cutting into skin.
"Please. I beg of you."
"One minute" she turns and walks out of the room, leaving my standing there, shaking.
~*~*
"He's in intensive care."
Intensive care. Another menial term that echoes again and again in my brain.
"Don't stay in for more than ten minutes," she's saying. "When you're done, come right out"
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It's as if I'm about to plunge into an icy sea, one I might drown in.
When I step into the room, his eyes are closed. The handsome is face is etched with pain, so I know he's not asleep. It is only than that I notice the machines. Every part of his body seems to be hooked up to something.
"Ash.." I stumble over to the bed, collapsing onto the floor.
"Please don't leave me. Please don't die. Please don't die. Please.."
I clutch onto his hand and bury my face into the sheets next to it.
Suddenly I feel a faint stirring, and when I glance up I see him staring at me.
And in his eyes I see the old Ash Ketchum.
A pang shoots through my chest as I try to smile. Smile for him at least. "Mi...Mist.." his voice is ragged and shrouded in pain, and I put my finger to his lips. I can't stand seeing him in this much pain.
"Don't talk, don't try to! If it hurts you so much, don't!"
He shakes his head with the same old stubborn determination he has always had. It breaks my heart.
"Misty...I don't...I don't think I will..be able to keep...promise..."
"No!" I scream, pounding the floor. "I thought they said you were fine! I thought they told me they were taking care of you!"
He remains silent, his eyes staring at me. His eyes which are trapped in a dying body.
For a moment we sit in silence, overwhelmed.
"I never thought it would come to this," I say finally, tears choking my voice. "I just wish we were little again."
So many things I want to say to him. I want to talk to him, to live with him, forever, but the inevitable ending looms before us both.
"Was it...was it true what you said?"
"About what?"
"Do you love me?"
I look at him then, lying in the hospital bed, so broken and torn. My eyes fill with unshed tears. The words won't come, so I simply nod.
A smile pushes its way onto his pain-stricken face, and for a moment, everything is perfect. For a moment, we're little again, and our only troubles are reaching the next city.
But the moment ends abruptly with his face twisting in pain. "Ash?" I cry, thinking, this is it. This is the end, and I'm not ready. But then again, I think ruefully, I never will be.
A nurse comes rushing in, tossing up complex words in her path.
"The final stage of the internal bleeding has begun," she informs me, "We were able to stop it for awhile so he could say his good-byes. The end is near, miss." Her words seem to slap me in the face, but I find myself nodding again. These words seem to have no meaning. Good-byes. The End.
It's all rushing by too quickly. Ash, Ash suffering, Ash dying, and all that's left behind are my tears. The End.
I'm watching like I'm from behind a glass wall. Everything is numb inside me, and I think a part of me is dying, too.
I can see him struggling to raise his hand to my face, to touch me one last time. Finally, the pain overtakes him and his hand drops to the blankets, clutching on as his breathing becomes more and more ragged. I take his hand in mine and hold it to my cheek.
His hand is rigid with pain, but gradually it lessens up, slowly, so slowly and at first I think he's getting better. Then I notice something else. It is as if I can almost see the life leaving him, swirling in tendrils towards the ceiling, like when we were kids..
******Hey, Ash. Do you know what it means when you see Ledyba (ican'tspell*cough*) go into flight in the night time? He gave me the same clueless look, as always, so I simply continued. "It means you can make a wish, Ash, and that it will come true in ten years. What do you wish for?" They were swirling all around like a kaleidoscope in flight. "I made my wish," I added, but I refused to tell him what it was. "Tell me! Or else.." "Or else what, Ash Ketchum?" I ask flirtatiously. "Or else I"ll tickle you!" I shriek and scramble over the rock. "Stay awayyy!!!" ******
The memory fades away and I'm staring at his pain-stricken face again. He gets lighter and lighter, and his face fades away. And with that is seems that Ash's soul sighed with relief. It was all over.
"No," I say, wanting to grab that last bit of spirit floating in the air, and somehow keep it forever. But the last of it just drifts away.
"I think he's gone," says the nurse quietly, resting her hand on my shoulder.
I shake it off angrily and turn to her, eyes blazing. "Do you think I don't know that already? You don't need to tell me what you think!"
"Miss, I know this is a hard time for you, but please, be reasonable."
"What the hell would you know about all of this? All you do is sit here and let your patients die! How would you know how this is for me?"
"That's not true," she protests, "we did everything we could. He was bleeding too much from the inside." Her calm voice made something inside me snap.
"I don't need any of this bullshit," I spit out angrily, "I'm out of here."
And then I am.
~*~
I'm still behind the glass. In front of me lies an empty, vast black hole.
The only sensation I feel is a dim, throbbing pain somewhere deep inside.
It doesn't seem possible that the real world is still continuing. Calm orderlies walk down the hallway, their hair tucked neatly behind their ears. They had probably gotten up this morning and made their children lunch. When they got home, they would forget about the hospital and sit them on their lap and talk about what they learned at school.
I wonder what our children would have looked like, I think dimly. Mine and Ash's. I bet they would have been beautiful.
The thought pierces me so suddenly in the heart that I reach up to see if there is a hole in my chest.
I realize that somehow my legs brought me here to stand in front of a glass wall. Inside are rows upon rows of tiny cradles and each holds a person, so tiny and beautiful.
Each of them is pure innocence, the light of tomorrow. I suddenly feel so incredibly old, as if life has already worn me down.
The one closest to the glass stirs a little. His eyes are open slightly and I'm surprised by their huge innocence.
His hair is spiky and black, and his eyes are bright blue.
I just gaze at him for the longest time. Suddenly it strikes me-he reminds me of Ash.
All around me, parents admire their new babies.
The realization hits me slowly. My future, the future I've dreamed about, is standing right in front of me. Yet it is the future I will never have.
The tears rush in, spilling over and nearly blinding me. I turn away from the babies, weeping. Finally I can cry. The pain inside before had been nearly unbearable. As I turn to walk away, I almost run into someone. Quickly I step around him, mumbling an "excuse me."
"Misty?" A man's voice said, filled with concern.
I lift my head slowly and see Brock staring at me.
"Brock. He's gone. He's gone, Brock. Ash is gone."
His face remains emotionless, but he takes me in his arms and hugs me tightly.
"I know."
~*~
Well, there are still a lot of unanswered questions, but that's what the epilogue is for, right? ^__^ Review pleeeeeeease!!!!!