1 Sherbet lemon too many three or The Big Day.

A.N. Okay, I'm gonna try and improve. Thanx for all my reviews anyway.

Harry opened his eyes and put on his glasses. His heart gave a jolt. Today was the big day! The tournament! As he got dressed he remembered the rather disturbing break-dancing lessons Proffessor McGonagal had attempted to teach. He also remembered the increasingly funny golf lessons with Snape. Man, the look on his face when he was talking about different clubs!

Harry: Ron, Ron wake up! It's the tournament!

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In the Quidditch Pitch.........

Prof. D.: PURPLE POTTY FISH! GET IN THE HOLE YOU PIANO TUNA!

He keeps hitting the grass with a golf club (I think he's supposed to be hitting the ball which is several centimetres to the left of it.)

Some first years are placing bets on how big a hole he'll make in the ground before he realises what he's doing.

Prof. D.: DAMN YOU! HIT THE BALL!!!! MRAHHH!!!!!! F--K THIS!

He throws the club away and grumbles all the way back to the castle.

First year #1: AHHH MY EYE!

The other two first years are trying to pull out the golf club which has lodged itself in the kid's head.

First year #2: Just hold on Timmy! We'll help you!

Timmy: DEAR GOD WHY?

In the staff room.........

In the background, The Great Escape music plays (you know, DA dah da DA da da da........ Sorry)

On the table, a large map is spread out, it isn't really necessary, but the teachers feel it gives them a sense of purpose (or maybe they just like it 'coz it looks nice. Who knows? : )

Professor McGonagal : Okay, here's the plan. As soon as he starts the tournament, I'll turn you all into animals.

Snape (sarcastically) : Oh great can I be a cute, fluffy owl?

Lupin: Er.... Snape?

Snape: What? And I told you it's Professor Snape.

Lupin: Sure. Umm, owls have feathers, not fluff.

Snape: DO YOU EVER SHUT UP? HEY, MY NAME TAG STILL SAYS "SNAPE"!

Me: Hey hey! Don't mess. I'm the one writing this story.

McGonagal: Professor Snape, do you have a better plan?

PROFESSOR (there, you happy?) Snape: Oh all right. Just don't turn me into anything too stupid.

%

Hehe.

Harry is sitting in the great Hall with everyone else. Suddenly, the loud speakers (which Dumbledore insisted on) blast : GET YOUR ASSES OUTSIDE OR DETENTION. ENJOY THE TOURNAMENT.

A cheer echoes around the hall.

The speakers went on again, making that horrible screechy noise if someone has the microphone too close to the speaker. Everyone winces. Once again they hear the voice of Dumbledore : Stupid dumb-a$$ kids. Think they own the school. WHERE THE HELL IS HAGRID?! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE CARRYING MY GOLF BAG!

Then the voice of Professor McGonagal came over the loud speakers : Do I havy to wear these ridiculous trousers? Okay okay. Er..... Is that red light supposed to be on?

Prof. D.: OH SH....

The microphone cut off. Everyone in the great hall exchanges nervous looks.

Hermione: Eheheh. Umm....... Shall we go?

Harry: Yeah.

They walk past a couple of prefects who are yelling at Malfoy and trying to hold back Crabbe and Goyle.

Malfoy (pretending to sound shocked) : Are you just going to sit there and take that kind of abuse Goyle? He called you a dumb-a$$!

Prefect #1: Shut up Malfoy!

Malfoy: Gosh Crabbe, did you hear that? He called you a s--t head! That's sooo mean!

The brawl began.

Ron: Let's join in!

Hermione: Let's go.

She pulls Harry and Ron out.

Two minutes later, the terrific three (I know, but I can't be bothered saying Harry, Ron and Hermione. DAMN!) Are sitting in the Quidditch stands.

Harry: Is it me or does it smell like old fart up here?

Hagrid: Sorry 'bout that.

Hermione: Hehehe.

Ron: HERMIONE! YOU'RE LAUGHING AT TOILET HUMOUR!

Hermione: So?

Harry: Potty.

Hermione: (cough) haha (cough) hehe (cough)

Ron: Crap

Hermione tries not to explode with laughter.

Ron: SMELLY OLD S--T!

Hagrid: Ron!

Hermione explodes. Literally.

Harry: Ron!

Ron: Sorry.

Harry: Hehehehe (under the furious glare of Ron) I'm (cough) not (cough) laughing at the irony of Hermione (cough) exploding! Me? Never!

Prof D: LADIES! AND..... ER LADIES! ALLOW ME TO PRESENT..... UM ME! What the hell. Let's play golf!

A tent is set up in the before-Quidditch-pitch-after-golf-pitch for the teachers. If you were standing outside it this is what you would be hearing.

Prof. M.: (McGonagal) Okay, any volunteers

Prof. D: WOULD PROFESSOR SPROUT PLEASE COME OUT! Hehe! I rhymed!

Prof. M. : Okayy. Wibbitty Woo be a crow!

A crow flies out of the tent, looking smug.

Prof. D.: FINE THEN, SNAPE! GET OUT HERE!

Prof. S. (guess who) : Noooo. Okay, do it!

Prof. M. : Okay Huffity puffy Be an owl fluffy!

Prof. S.: Wai..... Ooooo.

Prof. M.: Oh dear.

Snape runs out the tent flapping his arms and sayng: Oooo.

He spots the crowd.

Snape: Oooooo!

Miraculously, his arm-flapping actually lets him take off! He flies into the owlry and doesn't come back out.

Prof. M.: Oh dear, I made that spell up as well.

Prof D.: EVERYONE GET OUT NOW!

Prof L. (Lupin, duh!): Nono! I like golf! Honest!

Prof. M.: You sure? You can be a..... Chicken!

Prof. L.: GET AWAY!

Lupin, along with all the other teachers flee the tent.

Prof. M.: FINE!

Prof. D.: Me first! Ooh meme! Me first!

Prof. L.: Sure.

Prof. D.: Woohoo!

Prof. L.: Umm.

Prof. D.: Weehee!

Prof. L.: Yeah.

Prof. D.: Wuhuh!

Prof. L: Riiiight.

Prof. D.: Waahaa!

Timmy: JUST TAKE THE DAMN SHOT!

Prof. D.: Avada kedavra.

The first year sitting next to Timmy dies and falls out the stand.

Timmy: HA! Oww, my head.

He rubs the golf club wedged in his head.

Dumbledore smacks a clump of ground, vaguely in the direction of the hole.

Prof. D.: DAMN YOU! AVADA KEDAVRA AVADA KEDAVRA AVA....

Lupin grabs Prof. D.'s hand just in time to stop this insane killing spree from reaching his direction.

Prof. D.: CURSE YOU, TIMMY!

Timmy makes a very rude gesture, using both hands. (I'll leave it to your imagination.)

A.N. Okay, more's to come I just thought I'd take another chapter okay? Don't be scared!