Title: Elf Rant
Rating: PG-Minor language
Disclaimer: Don't own them..If I didn't I wouldn't be writing this.
Summary: Poor Leggy gets no respect, and its starting to bug him.
A/N: Okay, before you track me down and kill me...let me explain. My friend and I were just joking one night about how Legolas gets no respect and he's bitter about it, and that's why he hardly talks in FOTR and talks to himself a lot in TT. This was done at about 3 in the morning and really badly written, but in our sad little minds, quite funny. And yes, I have read the books (many, many times), but this is all directly from the movies. Feel free to flame, since they will be used to cook 'tomatoes, sausages and nice crispy bacon!'
Elf Rant
"Then I shall die as one of them!"
'Whoa, where did that come from? I guess I really pissed Aragorn off this time. He deserved it though! I'm so sick of not getting any credit, especially from him.' Memories flooded back to Legolas from the quest, and he felt the anger boil inside of him.
*********************************
"Havo dad, Legolas." Sit down, Legolas.
Oh, well that's lovely. How nice of him to say something like that in Elven. This way he won't embarrass me in front of Boromir. To bad just about EVERYONE else here speaks Elvish! I was just trying to defend him, and what do I get? My head bitten off. Well fine, see if I speak much at ALL on this stupid quest. I'm quite a talker usually though. It may be hard. Dads says I get it from Moms side of the family, sorta like my eyes. My grandma on my Dads side has the most wonderful eyes, I could have gotten them from her. Dad insists there is to much green in her eyes and that mine have the deep blue tint that..I'm babbling already. This IS going to be hard.
Men suck. ******************************
"Legolas! What do your Elven eyes see?"
By the Gods, can this man not take a hint? I didn't run ahead to get a better look at the backs of the creatures we've been chasing for days, I'm trying to get away from him! Gritting my heath I reply carefully, "The Uruks have turned East. They are taking the Hobbits to Isenguard!" I noticed the frustration had made my voice deep and harsh. Oh well, he'll just pass it off as my rugged manliness.
Satisfied with this I flipped my hair over my shoulder and skipped down the hill.
******************************************
Aragorn was laying with his head on a rock. Apparently he thought we were impressed that he could take a nap on a rock, while pretending to listen to it, and then recite what I told him a few hours before. He'd only started his most recent nap when I first noticed the horses on the horizon.
"Aragorn, there's-"
"Shhhh!" he hissed as he waved me away. Fine let the Rohirians come.
**** 3 hours later ****
"Aragorn." Getting only a groan I tried again. "Aragorn."
"Go away."
"Aragorn."
"No!"
"Aragorn."
"What do you want?!"
"Horses."
"We don't have any, get over it."
"Horses coming at us, quickly."
"Stampede, it happens."
"Horses coming at us with men, quickly."
"Aragorn woke up quickly then, and he hearded us behind a rock just as they passed over the ridge. He thinks he saved the day.
Maybe that's what the rocks have told him.
**************************
"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gimli, son of Gloin, and Legolas of the Woodland Realm."
Legolas of the Woodland Realm? I'm Elvin royalty! Not Legolas, son of King Thandruil? Not Prince Legolas of Mirkwood? No. I'm introduced as some elf they found in a clump of trees. This man has some serious ego issues. Its just because I out rank this guy! I'm a Prince and he's just a guy with bad genes! No one in MY family was ever tempted by an evil Ring that eventually brings a Dark Lord into power. But no, 'man who would be Queen' here seems to have forgotten that.
But what do I know? I'm just Legolas of the Woodland Realm. ****************************************
By this point Aragorn had stormed away, off to have a good pout, I'm sure. I started to follow him, with every intention of telling him all of this. Unfortunately I was stopped by Gimli. I explained these memories to him and he nodded carefully.
"Aye Lad, I know what you mean. I've felt more like a painfully obvious attempt at comic relief than a warrior as of late. You know, sorta like 'Arr! I'm funny because I'm short!'"
Blinking at him a few times, I stood there confused as to how that had any relevance to my story. It didn't. Shaking my head I continued.
"You see Gimli, its more then just not getting a 'thank you'. No one even bothers to listen to me! Everytime I warned Aragorn, someone died. At Balins tomb, I told Aragorn we shouldn't linger. He ignored me, we lingered, Gandalf fell. On the river bank, I warned him that we shouldn't stay there, that we needed to cross the river. He ignored me, we didn't cross, Boromir died."
Gimli tried to stop me then, but I was to caught up in the moment.
"Also, I kill everything! Who was the only one not to be completely taken out by the cave troll, and eventually the one who killed it? Me! Who killed the orks that were shooting as us while Aragorn was busy playing hero on the stairs? Me! (And I never should have caught him when he fell!) Who was it who stayed the longest to fight the Watcher in the Water while everyone else got safely inside? Me! Who was it who killed Warg riders at a remarkable distance while Aragorn had a touching moment with Eowyn? Me! Are you seeing the pattern yet?"
When no answer came, my attention refocused on the room. I had drawn both my daggers and was gripping them with white knuckles. The dwarf was no where in the site. With an exasperated sigh I re-sheathed the blades.
*********************************
***Later that Night***
Venting with Gimli had helped. I had even found the will to apologize to that stupid man. At the moment I was fighting off 3 orks. My hands were slick with blood as I re-adjusted the grip on my short blade and ducked a near fatal blow.
"Legolas! Bring him down!"
Ah! What?! I'm a little busy! Taking more of a risk then I like to take, I killed the last two orks, and pilled out my bow and an arrow. My anger for the man was back now. He needed his sure-shot archer to save his butt again, and he couldn't use a better tone? Hm. If that ork succeeds, who do you think will have to go down and save the day? A future king to perhaps?
"Kill him!"
Oops. Looks like I only hit his collar bone with that first shot. Things are looking good. Aw. Damn. Another shot to the collar bone. To bad I can shoot an ork in the head in a dark cave, and kill Wargs with a single arrow from hundreds of yards away, but I can't get a fatal arrow into an ork from on top of a building. At least we have a king who will always save us.
I couldn't help the smile creeping to my lips as 'our saviors' ran to the newly formed rift in the wall. 'Oh please save us, our king!' I called out in my head, dripping sarcasm. Audibly I gave out a sigh. Legolas of the Woodland Realm went back to efficiently slaughtering the attacking orks.
A/N: I'm so sorry! *hides her head and protects her muses*
Rating: PG-Minor language
Disclaimer: Don't own them..If I didn't I wouldn't be writing this.
Summary: Poor Leggy gets no respect, and its starting to bug him.
A/N: Okay, before you track me down and kill me...let me explain. My friend and I were just joking one night about how Legolas gets no respect and he's bitter about it, and that's why he hardly talks in FOTR and talks to himself a lot in TT. This was done at about 3 in the morning and really badly written, but in our sad little minds, quite funny. And yes, I have read the books (many, many times), but this is all directly from the movies. Feel free to flame, since they will be used to cook 'tomatoes, sausages and nice crispy bacon!'
Elf Rant
"Then I shall die as one of them!"
'Whoa, where did that come from? I guess I really pissed Aragorn off this time. He deserved it though! I'm so sick of not getting any credit, especially from him.' Memories flooded back to Legolas from the quest, and he felt the anger boil inside of him.
*********************************
"Havo dad, Legolas." Sit down, Legolas.
Oh, well that's lovely. How nice of him to say something like that in Elven. This way he won't embarrass me in front of Boromir. To bad just about EVERYONE else here speaks Elvish! I was just trying to defend him, and what do I get? My head bitten off. Well fine, see if I speak much at ALL on this stupid quest. I'm quite a talker usually though. It may be hard. Dads says I get it from Moms side of the family, sorta like my eyes. My grandma on my Dads side has the most wonderful eyes, I could have gotten them from her. Dad insists there is to much green in her eyes and that mine have the deep blue tint that..I'm babbling already. This IS going to be hard.
Men suck. ******************************
"Legolas! What do your Elven eyes see?"
By the Gods, can this man not take a hint? I didn't run ahead to get a better look at the backs of the creatures we've been chasing for days, I'm trying to get away from him! Gritting my heath I reply carefully, "The Uruks have turned East. They are taking the Hobbits to Isenguard!" I noticed the frustration had made my voice deep and harsh. Oh well, he'll just pass it off as my rugged manliness.
Satisfied with this I flipped my hair over my shoulder and skipped down the hill.
******************************************
Aragorn was laying with his head on a rock. Apparently he thought we were impressed that he could take a nap on a rock, while pretending to listen to it, and then recite what I told him a few hours before. He'd only started his most recent nap when I first noticed the horses on the horizon.
"Aragorn, there's-"
"Shhhh!" he hissed as he waved me away. Fine let the Rohirians come.
**** 3 hours later ****
"Aragorn." Getting only a groan I tried again. "Aragorn."
"Go away."
"Aragorn."
"No!"
"Aragorn."
"What do you want?!"
"Horses."
"We don't have any, get over it."
"Horses coming at us, quickly."
"Stampede, it happens."
"Horses coming at us with men, quickly."
"Aragorn woke up quickly then, and he hearded us behind a rock just as they passed over the ridge. He thinks he saved the day.
Maybe that's what the rocks have told him.
**************************
"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gimli, son of Gloin, and Legolas of the Woodland Realm."
Legolas of the Woodland Realm? I'm Elvin royalty! Not Legolas, son of King Thandruil? Not Prince Legolas of Mirkwood? No. I'm introduced as some elf they found in a clump of trees. This man has some serious ego issues. Its just because I out rank this guy! I'm a Prince and he's just a guy with bad genes! No one in MY family was ever tempted by an evil Ring that eventually brings a Dark Lord into power. But no, 'man who would be Queen' here seems to have forgotten that.
But what do I know? I'm just Legolas of the Woodland Realm. ****************************************
By this point Aragorn had stormed away, off to have a good pout, I'm sure. I started to follow him, with every intention of telling him all of this. Unfortunately I was stopped by Gimli. I explained these memories to him and he nodded carefully.
"Aye Lad, I know what you mean. I've felt more like a painfully obvious attempt at comic relief than a warrior as of late. You know, sorta like 'Arr! I'm funny because I'm short!'"
Blinking at him a few times, I stood there confused as to how that had any relevance to my story. It didn't. Shaking my head I continued.
"You see Gimli, its more then just not getting a 'thank you'. No one even bothers to listen to me! Everytime I warned Aragorn, someone died. At Balins tomb, I told Aragorn we shouldn't linger. He ignored me, we lingered, Gandalf fell. On the river bank, I warned him that we shouldn't stay there, that we needed to cross the river. He ignored me, we didn't cross, Boromir died."
Gimli tried to stop me then, but I was to caught up in the moment.
"Also, I kill everything! Who was the only one not to be completely taken out by the cave troll, and eventually the one who killed it? Me! Who killed the orks that were shooting as us while Aragorn was busy playing hero on the stairs? Me! (And I never should have caught him when he fell!) Who was it who stayed the longest to fight the Watcher in the Water while everyone else got safely inside? Me! Who was it who killed Warg riders at a remarkable distance while Aragorn had a touching moment with Eowyn? Me! Are you seeing the pattern yet?"
When no answer came, my attention refocused on the room. I had drawn both my daggers and was gripping them with white knuckles. The dwarf was no where in the site. With an exasperated sigh I re-sheathed the blades.
*********************************
***Later that Night***
Venting with Gimli had helped. I had even found the will to apologize to that stupid man. At the moment I was fighting off 3 orks. My hands were slick with blood as I re-adjusted the grip on my short blade and ducked a near fatal blow.
"Legolas! Bring him down!"
Ah! What?! I'm a little busy! Taking more of a risk then I like to take, I killed the last two orks, and pilled out my bow and an arrow. My anger for the man was back now. He needed his sure-shot archer to save his butt again, and he couldn't use a better tone? Hm. If that ork succeeds, who do you think will have to go down and save the day? A future king to perhaps?
"Kill him!"
Oops. Looks like I only hit his collar bone with that first shot. Things are looking good. Aw. Damn. Another shot to the collar bone. To bad I can shoot an ork in the head in a dark cave, and kill Wargs with a single arrow from hundreds of yards away, but I can't get a fatal arrow into an ork from on top of a building. At least we have a king who will always save us.
I couldn't help the smile creeping to my lips as 'our saviors' ran to the newly formed rift in the wall. 'Oh please save us, our king!' I called out in my head, dripping sarcasm. Audibly I gave out a sigh. Legolas of the Woodland Realm went back to efficiently slaughtering the attacking orks.
A/N: I'm so sorry! *hides her head and protects her muses*