In Black and White
By: Libitina
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters depicted here. I
am just borrowing them to have a little fun with my imagination.
Warnings: Shonen-ai content (in later chapters). This chapter contains some mild cursing.
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He could remember his mother screaming.
'Whore.'
Blood. Pain. Screams. Blood. Pain . . .
'Liar.'
His eyes snapped open with a ragged gasp. He was not alone. There were others in the room. A man with long copper red hair and hazel eyes that seemed to almost shift color under the light. Beside the redhead was a man with short black hair and glasses that perched on the end of his nose as he read a book lying in his lap. They were both seated and talking quietly. Meaningless words. His eyes studied them both, noting the way the redhead leaned toward the man with glasses and the way the man with glasses responded.
He knew where he was, through a very faint memory. A memory from the other. The other who left him as the gifts had left the other members of Schwarz. They thought his gift was immunity to pain. They were wrong. His gift was Farfarello. The personality who protected him from life. From pain.
From the memories.
Pain.
Blood.
Screams.
Betrayal.
Guilt.
Hatred.
He lifted his hands, pressing them hard against his temples and trying to block all the mixed emotions. But only Farfarello could do that. Without Farfarello he could not hide from the emotions, nor could he ignore them. Without Farfarello he was just Jei. A human boy with no special gifts, or ability to cope.
A human boy who had murdered far too many times.
Shaking fingers slipped lower than his temple, moving to rest against his uncovered left eye. He traced the scars there, drawing strength from the memory of the other inside him. The other was not dead. He was simply asleep. Buried deep in the depths of his mind. Resting for a while to escape reality. But asleep though he may be, Jei could still hear his voice, whispering softly. Chanting, almost, words that made no sense, and yet words that he understood all too well.
He listened for a moment, then turned his gaze on the men. He knew their names, though he could not seem to draw upon the memory long enough to speak them. These men were Farfarello's companions. He feared them, just as he feared Farfarello. As he stared at them, a pair of intelligent green eyes ensnared him. He could not look away, and he could not hide.
"Farfarello?" The redhead, Schuldich, Jei could remember the name now, spoke quietly as if he was speaking to a frightened child.
Jei shook his head slowly, not yet ready to speak.
"Jei." The other spoke now. His tone deep and rich. He peered at Jei over the rim of his glasses, "It has been a while, my friend."
Jei let out a soft sigh, nodding his head. "Yes." He murmured, and suddenly he was no longer scared. He got to his feet, surprised at how weak his legs felt. But the transition must have taken time. Perhaps a day or two, or a month. He couldn't be sure. As Farfarello retreated and he returned he had been aware of nothing outside of himself.
"Brad."
Chapter Two -The Plan-
'Schwarz accepts Kritiker's offer of evaluation. I will return in the morning to begin my training.'
The room was silent. They sat together. Each lost in his own thoughts. Yohji, Ken and Omi on the couch. Shoulder to shoulder. Sometime ago Omi had adjusted his position so he was sitting with his legs over Yohji's lap and his back against the armrest. Aya sat alone, on the chair across the living area. He was turned in his seat so he could gaze out the window.
Ken licked his dry lips nervously. He would have gotten up to get a drink, but he didn't think his legs would support him. 'I will return in the morning to begin my training.' He shivered, reaching up to run a shaking hand through his hair. The boy would be returning. Soon. Far too soon. He felt ill, and excited at the same time.
Nagi Naoe.
Nagi Naoe was going to be living here, with him, for three months.
"Ken-kun?"
Omi's soft voice jerked him out of his thoughts. He turned his head to look at Omi, hoping his cheeks weren't as flushed as they felt. "Are you okay, Ken-kun? You look ill."
"You've been looking ill since Schwarz showed up on the doorstep." Yohji commented, laying his hands on Omi's knees to keep them in place as he stretched his own legs out.
'Great,' Ken thought, looking quickly away. He noticed Aya had abandoned the window to stare at him, 'Just great.' "I'm fine." He said aloud.
"It's kind of strange, isn't it? Thinking of a member of Schwarz joining Kritiker. Not just a member, but the whole group." Omi mused, resting his elbow on the back of the couch and then leaning his head against his hand.
"Schwarz won't be joining Kritiker." Aya said shortly, eyes still on Ken.
Omi was quiet for a moment, "Yes, but, ex-Schwarz members will be."
"No." Yohji rubbed the area around Omi's knee with firm but kind fingers, "They won't be."
"But our orders-"
"Do you really believe Kritiker would trust men who belonged to Schwarz?" Aya asked, interrupting Omi, "Kritiker has one intention, and one intention alone. Welcome Schwarz, get them to open up, and then find out everything about the collective."
The collective was an organization Kritiker knew very little about. In fact they had first heard about the collective 'from' Schwarz, during their last encounter with Weiss. They knew enough, though. Enough to know they needed to find out more.
"And after that?" Omi whispered, looking very disturbed.
The look in Aya's gaze, as he glanced at Omi's troubled face, was answer enough. The group was silent once more. Omi shivered, dropping his hands into his lap and staring down at them. Yohji sighed, reaching out and laying his hand over Omi's.
Ken watched as Omi lifted his head and smiled shyly at Yohji.
'And after that?' The unanswered question weighed heavily on his mind. It weighed heavily on the mind of all of Weiss, he imagined. He stared at Yohji's hand, covering Omi's smaller one. Omi wasn't much older than Nagi. Maybe two years or so. What would it feel like if something happened to cripple Weiss and they had to seek assistance from Schwarz? Would they send Omi, their youngest member, to ask for help? Would they allow him to spend three months in the hand of their enemies?
He couldn't imagine it. He knew Yohji would die before letting Omi go, and he knew he himself wouldn't allow it. He wasn't sure about Aya, though he had a feeling Aya would frown heavily upon Omi going to stay with Schwarz.
So how could Schwarz send Nagi? Nagi was younger, and less able to take care of himself than Omi. Without his power, anyway. With his power he could handle himself quite well. Sometimes. Even with his power he had his weaknesses. Ken knew this from experience.
He winced as the memory tried to present itself. He shook his head to push it aside and focused on Aya, who was staring out the window once again. As if his life wasn't complicated enough. The morning loomed before him, and he dreaded going to sleep for fear it would come even sooner.
"He must be scared."
Ken looked at Omi with surprise, "Scared?" He queried, not quite understanding Omi's comment. He wondered if Yohji and Omi had been talking and he had just been too absorbed in his thoughts to hear. But no, that couldn't be because Yohji looked as confused as he felt.
"Nagi. He must be scared. I know I would be." Omi said quietly, "I wonder why they sent him. He's just a child."
"He's as much a child as you are." Aya got to his feet, "You would do well to remember that."
"I suppose." Omi sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the back of the couch.
"You'll be responsible for him, Yohji." Aya said as he headed down the hall.
"Yohji? But I wanted to . . ." Omi's voice trailed off when Aya turned and looked at him.
"You wanted to calm his fears and make him feel comfortable." Aya said, sounding tired and for a brief moment Ken could see just how bothered by this situation the quiet redhead was. "Right now he doesn't need your kindness, or your friendship. Yohji will be less likely to feel sorry for Nagi and be blinded by his perceived innocence."
"Are you saying I have bad judgement?" Omi asked, sitting up straight and giving Aya an angry look.
"Yes." Aya answered easily, "You do. We will all be tempted, but we need to be objective. We need to see Nagi for what he was, not what he is." He paused, letting his words sink in, "Schwarz." The word was spoken with such disgust and malice that Ken shivered and gritted his teeth.
"I'll take him." Yohji said.
"Nagi will join Yohji in his room then. Omi, you will stay with Ken and me." Because the camper was so small they had to share rooms. More often then not they rotated, Ken and Omi together in one room for one night, then Omi and Aya sharing a room the next. It really just depended on who was doing what and when. "No one else will share a room with him."
"I'll sleep on the couch." Ken couldn't imagine he, Omi and Aya all fitting on one of those beds together. It was hard enough getting two people onto them comfortably.
"All right. It's decided. Now I'm going to get some rest." With that Aya turned and he did not hesitate again in his path to the room.
When the door closed behind Aya, Yohji let out a loud and rather dramatic sigh. He lifted his arm and wrapped it around Omi's shoulder, tugging the smaller boy into his lap. "And here I thought we had successfully removed that stick from his ass."
Omi gasped, giggled and slapped Yohji's arm, "Yohji-kun," he scolded, "He's just tense about this new . . . assignment."
Ken really didn't want to sit around and watch Yohji and Omi cuddle, so with a resigned sigh he got to his feet, "Good night." He said quietly, before walking down the hall. Sleep seemed to be his only option.
Aya was undressed and under the covers already. Ken stood in the doorway, studying his friend. Aya opened one eye and gave Ken an odd look, as if to say; why are you standing there staring at me?
Ken ducked his head, hoping that the heat he could feel in his face didn't translate into a blush. 'Yeah, that's great Hidaka, stare at the man like the fool you are.' He tugged off his shirt, throwing it carelessly on the floor, then undid his pants and sat on the bed before pulling them off as well. He and Aya both slept naked. It had never been a problem. Aya was straight as they got, so when he shared a bed, with any other guy, sleeping naked was never something he felt awkward about. Or at least, this was the impression Ken got.
Personally, there were nights when they shared a room that Ken felt . . . strange. After all, Aya Fujimiya was a good-looking man, and Ken had had more than one inappropriate dream about him. 'How ironic,' Ken thought as he removed his underwear and slipped under the covers beside Aya, 'The most gay looking member of Weiss, is the only straight member.' That he knew of anyway. He was fairly certain Yohji and Omi were together and he knew he wasn't straight. He wasn't gay either, but he was bi.
Aya moved, and Ken let out a shaky gasp as their shoulders brushed together. "Something wrong?" Aya spoke quietly, though he didn't need to. It's not as if there was anyone to disturb.
"What . . . what if he attacks?" Ken whispered.
"Then we kill him."
Ken shuddered, hating the cold, impersonal way Aya said that. As if killing Nagi Naoe didn't bother him in the least. And maybe it didn't. After all, Aya didn't see Nagi as anything more than a member of Schwarz. Ken, on the other hand, was well too aware of the fact that Nagi was a child first, and Schwarz second.
A child.
Just a baby. Forced to live a life no man should live.
'I have to stop thinking about him!' Ken closed his eyes tightly. "That doesn't bother you? He's just a child."
"If the situations were reversed, Schwarz wouldn't hesitate to murder Omi."
Those solemn words were the last Aya spoke. Ken made no further attempt to speak to Weiss' solemn redhead as he lay staring at the roof.
'If the situations were reversed, Schwarz wouldn't hesitate to murder Omi.'
'So does that make it all right, for us to be like them?'
Omi sighed heavily the moment Ken was gone. He leaned against Yohji's chest, finding comfort in the arms of his closest friend. "So, sweetheart, now that they're gone, you can tell me all about your love life." Yohji said, stroking Omi's back and bending his head to kiss the top of Omi's head.
Omi blushed furiously, immediately trying to move out of Yohji's embrace, "I should have never told you!"
Yohji refused to let go, so Omi gave up and just sat there. "But you did. How was it?"
Omi ducked his head, "Yohji~kun, I hardly think it's appropriate to be talking about this!"
"You're the one who asked my advice."
"Yes, but . . . "
"I'm dying to know how things went, so spill!"
"I told her I wanted to . . . " Omi swallowed, "To be with her."
"And?"
"She . . . uh, she laughed and said she thought I'd never ask."
"Oh hoh!" Yohji laughed, squeezing Omi's shoulders for a moment, "So you got lucky, eh, pretty boy?"
Omi slapped Yohji's arm but nodded and smiled, "Yeah. It was . . . " He reached up to cover his face so Yohji wouldn't see his blush, "It was magic."
"The first time always is. So little Omi lost his virginity. We should celebrate." Yohji gently removed Omi from his lap and got to his feet. He strode over to the fridge and flung it open to look for something to celebrate with.
"Yohji-kun, I don't think now is the time to be celebrating." Omi protested, rubbing his face furiously.
"Nothing to celebrate with anyway." Yohji said closing the fridge and then leaning against it. He studied Omi from across the room.
"You love this girl?" He asked after a long time of silence.
Omi nodded, "Yeah. I know some people said that after I . . . well, you know, that I would lose interest in her, but I love her just as strongly now as I did before."
"Good. Don't fuck around with her feelings Omi. Don't ever use love to manipulate someone into doing what you want." Yohji said with a sudden fierceness that startled Omi.
"I wouldn't." Omi said, biting his lower lip nervously. He hated this side of Yohji. This grim, jaded side. He didn't see it often, since Yohji was a master at hiding his true self. When he saw this side of Yohji, he was reminded that Yohji was someone who had been hurt, a lot. Someone who was hiding behind masks. He wanted Yohji to be the older brother figure he'd always been. Strong, indestructible, and infallible. That was who he needed Yohji to be.
And that was who Yohji always was for him. The moment passed and Yohji smiled, "Time for bed, Ommitchi."
Omi nodded, "Yeah, I guess." He stood and smiled as Yohji walked over and playfully swept him off his feet into his arms. "Put me down!"
"Nope. If I can't celebrate with you, the least I can do is give you a lift." Yohji winked down at Omi before carrying the boy to the room they'd be sharing for the night.
It was a strange friendship. Born more out of mutual hatred then an actual liking for each other. The night was cold, and sometime during the evening Jei wrapped himself around Nagi's smaller form. There was mutual warmth, though Nagi ended up being warmer than Jei. The boy didn't move away from Jei's touch. Instead he lay quietly, not once waking from his light sleep. He trusted Jei enough not to be alarmed by Jei's touch.
It was this trust in him that confused Jei. He had known Crawford longer, and yet Nagi seemed to know him better. He had recognized the boy immediately when Nagi walked into their hideout earlier. Nagi had known. Long before he awoke that he was in control of the body. Nagi had known, and he didn't know how. Even Schuldich, the telepath, had had no clue. It bothered him, and scared him a little.
Sometimes he wondered if the boy didn't have more gifts than he let on. It wasn't unheard of. Some had two gifts, three, four . . . any number. Schwarz was specially trained in only one gift, so that they were superior in their use of that gift, but that didn't mean there wasn't the potential for more.
Schuldich, for example, was a telepath as well as an empath. So who knew what Nagi had hidden in the powerful little mind of his.
It gave Jei a headache to think about it. He hugged Nagi tighter, shivering as the cold air of the night chilled his back. He looked across the room where Schuldich and Crawford slept. Side by side, but not touching. They never seemed to touch. He wondered what was between them, but soon pushed that thought aside. It didn't matter.
Nothing mattered. Just the boy in his arms, who was confusing him at the moment. "I'm glad you're back, Jei."
It took Jei a moment to realize the boy in his arms had spoken. He lifted his head, trying to see Nagi's face. The boy's eyes were still closed and he looked asleep, but obviously he wasn't. "I never left." He said, lowering his head and absently stroking the cloth covering Nagi's stomach. He wondered if Nagi could feel the light touch.
"Hm, you did in a way. Farfarello isn't like you."
Nagi had never liked Farfarello, and Jei could hardly blame him after that one time. The time he didn't like to think about. "I'm sorry."
Nagi sighed, "I've forgotten already, you should too." He said, seeming to know instinctively what Jei was apologizing for.
"He hurt you." Jei said with difficulty. The memory was within him, and though he hadn't been the one to do it, he had been there. Unable to stop Farfarello. Just able to watch and cry in agony.
"No. He -almost- hurt me." Nagi corrected, "Leave it, Jei. Please."
Jei sighed, but nodded and pushed the painful memories aside. "Where were you?"
"Weiss. I was with Weiss."
Jei stiffened, "Why?"
Nagi was quiet for a long time, and Jei began to doubt his question would be answered. But finally Nagi sighed and spoke, "Nothing has changed. Farfarello's memories can answer that question better than I can."
"I thought they would have abandoned the plan after ..."
"It has not been abandoned, it has merely been ... re-evaluated."
"Losing our powers gave us the idea." Schuldich spoke, surprising Jei. He had not realized the telepath was awake. "Nagi visited Weiss and led them to believe we are completely crippled and have been abandoned by the collective," which was partly true. They weren't crippled, but they had been abandoned by the collective for their failures, "he pulled a very convincing sympathy act, and Kritiker has agreed to help Schwarz."
Jei shivered, touching upon Farfarello's memories and not liking what he saw at all. "So, the plan to destroy Weiss is still active?"
"Yes." Schuldich turned his head, his green eyes seeming to glow in the dim light of the room, "Active and well under way."
"You sent Nagi?" Jei didn't like the idea at all. He knew very well, even though he had been in the transition between Farfarello and Jei, that they had all temporarily lost their powers after the last battle. The psychic backlash from Nagi holding the building long enough for them to escape had been huge. Schuldich had been unable to access his power for three weeks after, and even now he was not quite as strong telepathically as he had been before. His strength was increasing every day though. And Crawford, Crawford's ability to see had been greatly compromised. His visions of the future were fleeting, and more disoriented than they had ever been.
And Nagi, the boy had no access to his power yet at all. The damage had been too great. They were certain his powers would return sometime in the future, they just didn't know when.
So he couldn't understand why they would send Nagi for this particular mission. Nagi, who was still damaged from their last big mission as Schwarz. The boy was weak, and should not be actively involved in anything to do with Schwarz until he had regained his powers, and his strength.
"If they probe him, they will find a burnt out brain. He still has no trace of his power in him. The gift has left him completely. There is no chance he'll slip up and blow our cover." It was Crawford who answered Jei's question.
Jei felt Nagi stiffen in his arms, and he wondered why as he squeezed the boy to try and comfort him. "Yes, but if they find out-"
"They won't." Crawford said shortly, "Nagi won't slip up."
Nagi shuddered, and Jei bent his head to lightly kiss the boy's cheek. The weight of the mission rested on Nagi's shoulders. Jei didn't like that at all. Especially considering the state Nagi was in. How could the boy defend himself without his power? Nagi knew nothing about self-defense. All he knew was his gift, and computers. That was all he had been trained to use.
"This is madness." Jei growled.
"Something you're quite familiar with." Schuldich snickered.
Jei heard Schuldich grunt in pain immediately after he spoke and he wished he had been watching so he could see what had caused Schuldich to make such a sound. "That's enough." Crawford said, control and mild anger in his voice, "Rest now. Nagi has an early start in the morning."
Rest? How could he hope to rest knowing what he now knew? As much as he trusted Crawford, he just could not feel comfortable with this plan. He started in surprise when he felt small fingers close over his tightly clenched fists, which were resting over Nagi's stomach.
"I won't fail." Nagi whispered.
Jei sighed and nodded. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again it was morning.
-End of Chapter Two-
TBC
Notes: Sorry for the short chapters. This is the first version. In a few days I'll go over everything again just in case I missed anything.
Thanks to: Nashi, Shirogane, rikkali, Kenderlyn, Sphinx, Shaynie (I will be focusing on various characters, but no more than two during a chapter), Megane-chan, newtypeshadow, Atremis, SilverWolfe, Yanagi-sen (thank you. ^-^), mystik78, Freyja, Mookie, Joanna (and anyone else who may review this chapter at a later date).