Disclaimer: Gainax owns Evangelion, I do not. If you are still unclear on that fact after six chapters of this story, (and six disclaimers) I don't know what to tell you... this is as plain as I can put it. Also, if any Gainax people are reading this (unlikely, I know) please don't sue me... I'm poor, and I'm not profiting from this fiction in any way. Episode 21 is mostly a flashback episode, so instead of re-treading it, I'll let you go watch it and instead give you this piece of character/relationship development. . (Note: I will still have the part with Fuyutsuki and Kaji, as it is present day, but it won't be very prominent). Fair Warning: there are some hints of lemon in this story, but due to the romantic nature I felt they were necessary... and there's nothing TOO graphic.
Part 7
Sing soft, sing sad
(Episode 21)
By Random1377
"Shinji? Will you play your cello for me?" Asuka asked quietly, one rainy evening. It had been two weeks since he had been recovered from Unit 01, and Shinji had been only too happy to pick up their relationship where it had left off (afraid, at first, that so much time might have cooled her feelings for him). Asuka, it seemed, felt much the same way - and a lot more so, as she never left his side for more than a few minutes at a time.
Shinji looked down at the top of her head - free, now, of the formerly ever-present A-10 connectors - and asked, "Right now?" They were lying together on his bed, her head resting on his chest, enjoying the soft sound the rain made hitting the windows of the apartment. Misato, as usual, was at NERV headquarters doing 'Work' - though what she did there eighteen hours a day, Shinji was unsure, -Maybe Kaji knows...- he had wondered idly one day, though he never got to ask him... Kaji had not been around for a while.
Her fingers traced lazy circles on his stomach, making him shiver slightly, "Yeah... I like to hear you play, and you haven't played since the night we first..." she trailed off.
Shinji could feel himself blushing and finished for her, "Kissed?"
He could feel her smile through his shirt, "Yeah... kissed..."
He smiled too, then frowned, remembering what happened when Asuka had awoken at the side of his bed. Rei had been gone for some hours (Shinji was thankful for that, as he was not sure how Asuka might have reacted had she woken while Rei was stroking her hair and singing to her), and Shinji was lying quietly, trying not to disturb her. She had woken with a start, looking like she did not know where she was, 'Shinji?' she had asked, her voice disbelieving. He had just nodded and held his arms out to her. She had fallen into them, sobbing.
'I thought you were gone forever!' She had been so distraught, holding him so tight he could hardly breath. She told him how she had tried to fight the angel and failed, and how she felt responsible for him being lost because of it. He had just held her and told her it was ok.
Once she got herself more under control, she had told him about getting her period, 'When I... I got it... I cried. I thought you might be gone forever, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, I might be pregnant... and part of you would always be with me. Then it came, and I couldn't stop crying...'
She had started to cry again at the memory, but Shinji just held her close, saying, 'It's ok... I'm here now... it's ok...'
Then they had slowly made love in his hospital bed (Asuka, remembering their promise to Misato, had snuck a condom into the hospital room.). Asuka had cried the entire time, soaking his hospital gown with her tears and begging him over and over again, 'Please don't leave me again... please...' After it was over she had cried herself back to sleep, and Shinji had held her, gently caressing her shoulders until her sobs turned into soft whimpers... and eventually leveled out into the deep even breath of slumber.
Since then, it seemed to Shinji that they had been emotionally closer than ever before. They often sat for hours, saying nothing (as they had been before Asuka had asked him to play), merely enjoying each other's company... but they had not been together that way since the hospital... though Shinji was not exactly sure why, though he was aching with the desire to touch and please her.
She looked up at him, breaking him away from the memories of the recent past, "Will you? It would make me happy."
He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, then smiled, "If you can endure the awful screeching sound that I call playing, I will."
She rolled her eyes, "Yeah... you're so bad... whatever." She shook her head as he started to downplay his abilities once more, placing a finger on his lips, "Shhh.... I don't want to hear about how 'bad' you are... I just want to hear you play, ok?"
He nodded and rose from the bed.
**
Across town, at the exact moment Shinji's feet hit the carpet, Hikari Horaki's hand hit Touji Suzuhara's face.
"Oww!" He yelled and grabbed his face, "what was that for?"
Hikari crossed her arms over her recently unbuttoned bra and glared at him. They were standing in Hikari's bedroom, and had (up until that moment) been kissing quite passionately. After a moment, her expression softened, "Touji, I told you... I don't want things to go too fast..."
He rubbed his sore cheek, looking indignant, "Hikari, it's been a month since we started dating - and all we've done is kiss! I don't think that's too fast at all."
She looked away from him, "In the old times, people knew each other for years before even going THAT far."
He let his hand fall to his side, "Well, this isn't the old times, and I've known you all my life! How much better do you need to know someone?"
Hikari looked at the ground and spoke softly, "Touji... do you love me?"
He froze. He regarded her warily, then spoke with great care, not wanting to offend the (already upset) girl of his dreams, "Hikari, you know that I do... and that's why I want to be close to you."
She blushed slightly, then she stepped closer to him and put her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder, "Touji... there are other ways to be close besides having sex." She put a finger on his lips when he tried to speak, looking into his eyes, "And I do want to... I just... I want it to be right... ok?"
Touji was trembling. He broke eye contact and spoke in a wavering voice, "It's just that... I want you so much that I..." He took a deep breath and started over, looking her directly in the eyes, "I will wait as long as you want me too, Hikari... because I do love you..."
She smiled and kissed him, "I know... and I love you too. I promise that you won't have to wait too long." She stepped back from him and spoke with a gleam in her eye, and a bright blush on her cheeks, "I'm sorry that I hit you... so to make up for it..." she raised her hands, hesitated, and gently pulled her bra straps down.
Touji found that he could not say anything.
**
Kouzou Fuyutsuki struggled weakly against the handcuffs that held him to the chair. He was sitting alone in a black room, and was unsure of how long he had been there. Suddenly there was sound in the darkness, and faint red light.
SEELE 3: "So, Fuyutsuki, you see now how ineffective your security measures truly are now, yes?"
Fuyutsuki stopped struggling and focussed on the twelve monoliths that had appeared all around him, "What is the meaning of this?" He asked calmly, unwilling to show them his fear.
SEELE 4: "You are not here to ask questions, Kouzou Fuyutsuki, you are here to answer them!"
SEELE 7: "The plan has been altered. The pattern is no longer being followed, and who is to blame?"
SEELE 9: "Tell us what Ikari is planning!"
Fuyutsuki smiled ironically, "Ikari is loath to share his plans with anyone... I'm afraid I know nothing."
SEELE 4: "Do not toy with us! You are his number two, he must confide in SOMEONE, and that someone is logically you."
Fuyutsuki was shaking his head, "Though Ikari does tell me of his current projects, all of which I'm sure you are aware of, he keeps his own counsel when it comes to plans for the future."
SEELE 1: "We can see that you are unwilling at this time to share your knowledge with us. Perhaps a little more time alone in the darkness will change your mind. Remember, Fuyutsuki, we are patient... and we have all the time in the world."
The monoliths vanished, leaving Fuyutsuki alone to ponder their words... and the events of the past.
**
"Is there something specific you want me to play?"
Shinji was sitting at his cello, his bow in hand, and looking up at Asuka (who was leaning against the doorframe) expectantly. She had a slight frown on her face as she spoke, "I don't know really... I just want you to play for me - wait! I know, play along to this tune." After a brief hesitation, she began to sing quietly.
Shinji's eyes widened, -That's the song Rei was singing to her while she slept...- he thought, -did Asuka already know it?-
Asuka trailed off, looking at him with a slight hint of anger, "What? Is my voice THAT bad?!" She crossed her arms and started tapping her foot.
"No! Not at all, I..." he thought quickly, "I was just amazed that your voice is so beautiful... I've never heard you sing before."
She blushed and looked at the floor, "I'm... I'm sorry..."
He spoke quickly, "I... I think I can follow it... but will you sing while I play? I want to hear your voice again."
She looked at him, trying to decide if he was kidding or not. He laid his bow across the strings and said, "Please?" She swallowed and nodded, opening her mouth one more.
**
It was approaching one o'clock in the morning when Touji and Hikari had reached the Suzuhara residence. "Kind of strange, isn't it?" Touji asked idly, "You walking me home? I always thought that was supposed to be a man's job."
Hikari looked at the ground, not saying anything.
"What's the matter, baby?" Touji was looking at her, concern evident on his face, "You've hardly said anything since we left your place. I said I was sorry..."
She looked up at him, and he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. She spoke quickly, obviously wanting to get past whatever was bothering her, "Touji? I... I need to ask you something - and I don't want you to be mad at me, ok?"
He switched the umbrella he was carrying from one hand to the other and placed his right hand on her cheek, "What is it? I won't get mad."
Hikari drew a deep, shuddery breath and launched into an obviously pre-planned monologue, "Touji. Since I've become the pilot of Unit 04, and we've started dating, I've found that I'm capable of doing things and feeling things that I never thought possible, and it's been wonderful... but it's been scary too. I piloted a giant robot through the desert to get help for people that I knew hardly anything about... and I saw people die - one of them my age."
He opened his mouth to say something comforting, but she hurried on, "I've also felt like we've been getting so close, and the love that I have for you is so strong... but tonight I realized that what I want and what you want may not be the same thing." She raised her hand, "PLEASE, let me finish this. I realized that I love you immensely... but I am not ready to have sex before I get married. And the way things are going, that leaves me only one choice..." She took a deep breath, backing a step away from him.
Touji's shoulders slumped, -She's going to break up with me... I'm so STUPID! I shouldn't have pushed her so hard... IDIOT!!!-
He opened his mouth to protest, but the words died unspoken as Hikari sank to one knee in the rain-soaked street. She looked up at him, "Touji Suzuhara. I love you with all of my heart and soul, and you would make me the happiest woman on this Earth if you would be my husband." She reached into her coat pocket and withdrew a simple black velvet box.
For the second time that evening, Touji found that he could not say anything, -This can't be happening - it can't! Is she... is she PROPOSING to me!?!?-
Hikari opened the box to reveal a plain gold band, "It's your size... I know your size..." Suddenly she found she could no longer meet his eyes, "I know... everything about you, Touji. I know what food you like to eat... I know what you like to read... I know what kind of movies you like... I know that you're kind and loving and loyal... everything. I've known you as long as I can remember, and as long as I can remember I've wanted to marry you."
He dropped the umbrella, the rain soaking them both almost instantly. He fell to his knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her. He whispered quietly into her ear, "Yes, Hikari, I will."
Hikari's tears mingled with his, and both were swept away by the driving rain.
**
When the music had died away, Shinji had looked up to find Asuka wiping tears away from her eyes, 'Thank you, Shinji, that was beautiful.' She had suddenly made a fist and insisted that if they stayed in the apartment any longer she would go crazy. They had thrown on raincoats, grabbed an umbrella, and started walking through the slick streets of Toyko-3.
It was nearly one o'clock in the morning when Asuka quietly spoke, "Shinji?" he looked at her quizzically and said, "Hmm?"
She was holding on to his arm and resting her head on his shoulder, "Why haven't we... why haven't we made love since you got out of the hospital? Don't you want me anymore?" Shinji realized that she was on the brink of tears.
He stopped walking and looked at her, confused, "Of course I still want you! Do you even have to ask me that??"
She didn't looked relieved, and a single tear fell from her right eye, "I don't know... you don't..." she drew an unsteady breath, "you don't seem to want to touch me anymore." A tear from her left eye joined the first.
Shinji stared at her, unbelieving, "Asuka... I want to be with you so bad that it hurts, I-"
She cut him off, the tears coming faster now, and she spoke with some anger in her voice, "Then why? Why won't you sleep with me? Is there someone else?"
Shinji couldn't understand how there could be, as she was with him nearly every waking second, "No!"
Asuka went on as if she had not heard him, "I haven't started anything because you've seemed so distant, like you're always thinking about someone else... and I've been so scared Shinji. Please! Please tell me you still love me! I don't want to lose-"
Shinji dropped the umbrella in the street and pulled her into a fierce embrace, "Yes... yes I still love you! How could you think for one second that I don't?" He pulled away slightly, putting his hands on her shoulders, "It's just..." he trailed off, looking embarrassed.
Her tears had started to abate, and she wiped her eyes, "Just what? Shinji... please tell me."
He looked at the ground and spoke hesitantly, "It's just that... you've always made the first move before..." her eyes grew wide as she realized it was true, "I thought that you just haven't been in the mood, and I didn't want to push you into anything."
She was staring at him, amazed, "You... you didn't want to..." she threw her head back and laughed, ignored the rain, "Oh! Oh that's funny!!"
Shinji couldn't see what was so amusing, and he started to say so when she stopped laughing and wrapped her arms around his waist. She pulled him to her, kissing him fiercely.
"Wow..." was all he could say when she pulled back, her arms still around his waist.
She regarded him intently, "YOU could make the first move sometimes, you know. I wouldn't mind. If I'm not in the mood, I'll tell you."
She kissed him again, harder than before. When they separated, breathing hard, Shinji said, "I don't... I don't suppose you're in the mood now, are you?"
Asuka's eyes glittered, reflecting the glow from the streetlights, "Oh yeah..." She smiled mischievously, "there's a park not too far from here that has some trees... no one would see us..."
Hand in hand, they walked that way...
**
The rain beat against Rei's windowpane steadily as the red-eyed pilot stood naked, regarding the city before her. Her nudity did not bother her... in fact it was her preferred state. Only the conventions and rules of man kept her clothed in public. The concept of shame-of-self was as alien to her as was the concept of caring for another... and therein lay her current dilemma.
"Ikari..." she whispered, as she pondered her feelings for the young pilot. That she loved him was undoubted. What puzzled her was the sudden onset of the emotion. She thought back to the fifth angel, and his simple request for her to smile, -No...- she thought, looking up at the leaden sky, -it was not then... then I was simply doing as he requested.-
She could not deny that she felt SOMETHING for him at that point, but it was more akin to gratefulness than love. No, the first time she recognized the emotion for what it was seemed to be around the time she synced with Unit 00 after the cross-synchronization test. Instead of the normal fight for control that she usually experienced when syncing with the huge beast, she had felt calmness. As if the EVA had found something it had long sought and was now content to let her guide it. Her sync rate had also improved as a result.
"What is it?" she mused aloud, "what did you see in his mind?" She recalled the single word that had flashed in her mind as she had synchronized. One word, burned into her memory: prime. She had no idea what it meant in and of itself, but she knew that it was somehow related to her feelings for Shinji... and the feeling of other/self that she got from Unit 00. She fully intended to discover the significance of the word... and the feeling.
In an uncharacteristic show of emotion, Rei clenched her fist, "I will know the meaning..." she whispered fiercely. A bolt of lightning struck the Earth, its flash reflecting in her deep, red eyes long after it was gone, "I WILL!" the thunder that followed close behind whispered of the closeness of the storm...
**
Fuyutsuki woke from the troubled dream he had been having, -This has got to be the most uncomfortable position I've ever slept in... and that includes the time in college when we crammed 10 guys into a phone booth and got locked in.-
Suddenly he became aware of hands at his wrists, undoing the handcuffs that bound him, "Who...?" he began to ask.
"Shhh..." a voice directly behind him whispered, "quietly now, sub-commander. I would hate for anyone to realize you are gone before you are gone, know what I mean?"
Recognizing the voice, Kouzou whispered back, "You know they will kill you for this, don't you?"
Kaji helped the older man to his feet, "I don't care. All I care about is getting closer to the truth." He drew his gun and opened the door. Fuyutsuki blinked in the harsh light as Kaji motioned for him to follow.
**
"You did WHAT?!?" Asuka's incredulous voice rang out, causing several students' heads to turn to stare curiously at where she and Hikari were having lunch on the grass. It had taken some convincing on Hikari's part to get Asuka to have lunch with her, -I swear, that excuse about being only KIND of serious with Shinji doesn't fly...- Hikari thought at the time, -it's like THEY'RE the ones who are married...-
Hikari tried to pull her friend back down onto the grass, "Will you be QUIET? No one is supposed to know yet!" Asuka looked around, embarrassed, and sat back down.
After a moment, everyone stopped staring and went back to what they were doing (several of them helped along by the famous Second Child Glare), and Asuka asked quietly, "Why? Why would you marry that... that stooge!? I know you love him, but..."
Hikari smiled and looked at the grass, "Because he's sweet... and gentle... and kind... and-"
Asuka cut her off by making gagging sounds.
Hikari laughed, and then became serious, "Really, Asuka... he's good to me... and I've wanted him to be mine my whole life." She shrugged, and finished simply, "Now he is, and I'm happy."
Asuka found that she could not argue with the serene look on her friend's face, so she asked instead, "How did you do it? You're fourteen, and it was a Sunday night, too!"
Hikari smiled wickedly, "When you want something bad enough, there are ways." Her smiled quickly turned into a blush as she went on, "We had to... to go down to the red-light district. They have an all-night chapel for drunken sailors and prostitutes that want to take them for all that they can. It's a dirty business, but we didn't have much choice... I wanted him to be mine right then."
Asuka frowned, "But how did you convince them to marry the two of you so young?"
Hikari's smiled widened. She pulled out her NERV ID card, "You would be surprised at home many doors this opens - they even gave us the honeymoon suite at no cost - of course we didn't stay... we went to his house...." She giggled slightly.
Asuka nearly fell on her face at the last comment; -She... she's always been so proper... I can't believe she would do this.-
Hikari seemed to read her thoughts. She became serious again, "Asuka... I couldn't wait anymore. I had to know that he was going to be mine - all mine - forever. Can you understand that?"
Asuka turned her head so Hikari could not see her smile, and nodded, -More than you know, Hikari, more than you know.-
When she turned around Hikari said mater-of-factly, "Plus, we didn't want to live in sin..." she paused, smiling as she saw an opportunity to tease her friend, "like you and Shinji."
Asuka jumped to her feet (Hikari had expected this), "How did you kn-" she slapped her hand over her mouth a second too late, realizing she had made a tactical error as Hikari's mouth dropped wide open (as she had NOT expected that).
Hikari fumbled for words, "I... umm... I... how long?" was all she could think to say.
Asuka sank to the ground whispering, "No no no no no..." She put her head in her hands, "I'm gonna get killed for this..." she muttered miserably. She grabbed Hikari's shoulders, shaking the girl desperately, "You have to promise, no, SWEAR, that you won't tell anyone - not even your... husband." Asuka found she had a lot of trouble using that word.
Hikari (still being shaken) managed to get out, "O...K... Asu...ka... I... sw...ear..." she breathed deeply as Asuka finally released her, and smoothed her hair back into place. "I can keep it to myself... but aren't you worried about Shinj-"
She was cut off by a loud voice from across the school yard, "You did WHAT?!?!?" Touji's voice echoed, once again raising students' heads.
Asuka buried her face in her hands.
**
He stood alone, breathing evenly. -I wonder who they'll send for me?- he wondered idly.
When he had returned to his office, he had found a simple note stuck to his monitor, 'The usual place. Make sure you are not followed.'
He leaned back against the wall, feeling the cool breeze created by the fan, "Yeah..." he whispered, "the usual place..." It had only been a week since his last meeting with SEELE's representatives, so he wasn't due for another week, "guess that's the price I pay..." he mused, -Katsuragi... it's all in your hands now...-
The door creaked open, "Hey..." he said, trying to sound calm, "you're late."
She stepped into the light, -Of course...- he thought as she raised the small pistol, -of course it would be her...-
The slug took him high in the chest, crashing through bone and muscle before exiting, spreading a large portion of his life's blood onto the fan behind him. He fell back against the wall, clutching the wound. He met her eyes as she lowered the weapon, its work done, "Well..." he whispered, "at least they sent someone I know..." he coughed, alarmed at the quantity of blood that issued from his mouth.
She shook her head sadly, but her voice was cold, "You should have taken my advice..."
He nodded, the strength leaving his legs, "The advice of a friend, right?" he said with some irony, sliding to the ground.
"For what it's worth," she said, a small touch of sorrow entering her voice, "I AM sorry that it came to this..."
He smiled, feeling his limbs become heavy. With the last of his strength, he said, "Of course... just following orders, right?" he smiled even wider as his eyes slid closed, "You're such a good little soldier... just... just like Rei..."
Enraged, she yelled, "I am NOTHING like her, do you understand?! NOTHING!!!!" Her shouts fell on deaf ears, for he was already gone. "DAMN YOU!!" she screamed, bringing up the pistol and emptying its contents into the still form, pulling the trigger long after the clip had run dry.
She dropped the gun and fell to her knees, "Damn you..." she whispered, burying her head in her hands.
**
Asuka was wakened by the sound of crying.
"Shinji?" She whispered, confused. She raised her head from his chest (her favorite place in the whole world lately), and found that he was sleeping peacefully. Kissing him gently, she carefully rose from their bed and made her way to the door.
Cracking it open she was surprised to see Misato, kneeing in front of the telephone and weeping hysterically. -What should I do?- she thought, agitated, -I... I'm no good with this kind of thing... and I'm just a kid to her...-
Ashamed at her thoughts, she was about to close the door when Misato whispered, "Kaji..." and broke into fresh tears. Making a determined face she stepped out, and approached the older woman carefully, "M-Misato... are... are you ok?" she asked tentatively.
Misato's head whipped around, "As-Asuka..." she said, wiping tears hurriedly from her face, "yeah... I'm... I'm fine... I just..."
-Oh... what now? What now?!?!- Asuka's mind was in turmoil, "Do... do you want to talk to me... about it?" she asked, secretly hoping the other woman would decline her offer, -God... I'm so pathetic...- she thought disgustedly, -she obviously needs someone to talk to!!- She slowly reached out and touched Misato's shoulder, smiling uncertainly, "Really... I... I want to know."
Misato took a shuddery breath, "Actually... I can't tell you..." she looked incredibly sad. She broke eye contact with the redhead, whispering, "but I don't think Kaji will be coming around anymore." She grimaced with barely contained tears.
Asuka came closer, kneeling beside her guardian, "Did... did you have a fight, or something? I..."
Misato smiled at the young girl's innocent attempt to help her, -Asuka... I was wrong about you...- she thought, with some shame, "No... he's been..." she couldn't meet her eyes, "reassigned suddenly." -Permanently- she thought, with infinite sadness.
Asuka looked uncertain, -what would Shinji do??- She asked herself. Inspiration suddenly hit her and she embraced Misato clumsily, nearly knocking the other woman down. "Sorry," she whispered, blushing... but she didn't let go.
Misato didn't know what to do. On the one hand, she wanted to be left alone with her sadness and loss... and on the other hand, she desperately needed someone to comfort her. -I... I never thought... that SHE would... would...- she couldn't continue the thought as her sadness overwhelmed her. She held Asuka tightly, crying on her shoulder.
Asuka stroked the older woman's purple-black hair gently, holding her as she wept bitterly. "It's ok... Misato... it's ok..." she whispered.
Misato let the younger girl comfort her, feeling that - for this one moment at least - she was the child, and Asuka the guardian... and that was alright with her.
To be continued.
Author's notes: With this part I tried to illustrate that relationships don't always go as smoothly as planned, especially when communications break down. The part with Asuka and Shinji in the rain was where I really tried to get this message through. The thought of Shinji being used to her making the first move all the time (and therefor doing nothing), and Asuka being afraid she had lost his heart (and therefor doing nothing), seemed to fit very well. All they had to do was talk it over, and neither one quite know how to start (I thought Asuka would be the one to act first, as she is not the type to take things lying down.) As for Hikari's sudden proposal, well... Hikari strikes me as a very proper girl, who would not do anything until she was married. She also strikes me as being very determined, and the type would go to any means to get what she wanted once she had set her mind to it... so I put those two factors together, and now she is Misses Suzuhara ;)
Thanks to grookill for the idea for the last part... good call!
And thanks to Ryoma for Pre-reading... I owe you one... or two... or three...
As ever, feedback is welcome at Random1377@yahoo.com.
Part 7
Sing soft, sing sad
(Episode 21)
By Random1377
"Shinji? Will you play your cello for me?" Asuka asked quietly, one rainy evening. It had been two weeks since he had been recovered from Unit 01, and Shinji had been only too happy to pick up their relationship where it had left off (afraid, at first, that so much time might have cooled her feelings for him). Asuka, it seemed, felt much the same way - and a lot more so, as she never left his side for more than a few minutes at a time.
Shinji looked down at the top of her head - free, now, of the formerly ever-present A-10 connectors - and asked, "Right now?" They were lying together on his bed, her head resting on his chest, enjoying the soft sound the rain made hitting the windows of the apartment. Misato, as usual, was at NERV headquarters doing 'Work' - though what she did there eighteen hours a day, Shinji was unsure, -Maybe Kaji knows...- he had wondered idly one day, though he never got to ask him... Kaji had not been around for a while.
Her fingers traced lazy circles on his stomach, making him shiver slightly, "Yeah... I like to hear you play, and you haven't played since the night we first..." she trailed off.
Shinji could feel himself blushing and finished for her, "Kissed?"
He could feel her smile through his shirt, "Yeah... kissed..."
He smiled too, then frowned, remembering what happened when Asuka had awoken at the side of his bed. Rei had been gone for some hours (Shinji was thankful for that, as he was not sure how Asuka might have reacted had she woken while Rei was stroking her hair and singing to her), and Shinji was lying quietly, trying not to disturb her. She had woken with a start, looking like she did not know where she was, 'Shinji?' she had asked, her voice disbelieving. He had just nodded and held his arms out to her. She had fallen into them, sobbing.
'I thought you were gone forever!' She had been so distraught, holding him so tight he could hardly breath. She told him how she had tried to fight the angel and failed, and how she felt responsible for him being lost because of it. He had just held her and told her it was ok.
Once she got herself more under control, she had told him about getting her period, 'When I... I got it... I cried. I thought you might be gone forever, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, I might be pregnant... and part of you would always be with me. Then it came, and I couldn't stop crying...'
She had started to cry again at the memory, but Shinji just held her close, saying, 'It's ok... I'm here now... it's ok...'
Then they had slowly made love in his hospital bed (Asuka, remembering their promise to Misato, had snuck a condom into the hospital room.). Asuka had cried the entire time, soaking his hospital gown with her tears and begging him over and over again, 'Please don't leave me again... please...' After it was over she had cried herself back to sleep, and Shinji had held her, gently caressing her shoulders until her sobs turned into soft whimpers... and eventually leveled out into the deep even breath of slumber.
Since then, it seemed to Shinji that they had been emotionally closer than ever before. They often sat for hours, saying nothing (as they had been before Asuka had asked him to play), merely enjoying each other's company... but they had not been together that way since the hospital... though Shinji was not exactly sure why, though he was aching with the desire to touch and please her.
She looked up at him, breaking him away from the memories of the recent past, "Will you? It would make me happy."
He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, then smiled, "If you can endure the awful screeching sound that I call playing, I will."
She rolled her eyes, "Yeah... you're so bad... whatever." She shook her head as he started to downplay his abilities once more, placing a finger on his lips, "Shhh.... I don't want to hear about how 'bad' you are... I just want to hear you play, ok?"
He nodded and rose from the bed.
**
Across town, at the exact moment Shinji's feet hit the carpet, Hikari Horaki's hand hit Touji Suzuhara's face.
"Oww!" He yelled and grabbed his face, "what was that for?"
Hikari crossed her arms over her recently unbuttoned bra and glared at him. They were standing in Hikari's bedroom, and had (up until that moment) been kissing quite passionately. After a moment, her expression softened, "Touji, I told you... I don't want things to go too fast..."
He rubbed his sore cheek, looking indignant, "Hikari, it's been a month since we started dating - and all we've done is kiss! I don't think that's too fast at all."
She looked away from him, "In the old times, people knew each other for years before even going THAT far."
He let his hand fall to his side, "Well, this isn't the old times, and I've known you all my life! How much better do you need to know someone?"
Hikari looked at the ground and spoke softly, "Touji... do you love me?"
He froze. He regarded her warily, then spoke with great care, not wanting to offend the (already upset) girl of his dreams, "Hikari, you know that I do... and that's why I want to be close to you."
She blushed slightly, then she stepped closer to him and put her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder, "Touji... there are other ways to be close besides having sex." She put a finger on his lips when he tried to speak, looking into his eyes, "And I do want to... I just... I want it to be right... ok?"
Touji was trembling. He broke eye contact and spoke in a wavering voice, "It's just that... I want you so much that I..." He took a deep breath and started over, looking her directly in the eyes, "I will wait as long as you want me too, Hikari... because I do love you..."
She smiled and kissed him, "I know... and I love you too. I promise that you won't have to wait too long." She stepped back from him and spoke with a gleam in her eye, and a bright blush on her cheeks, "I'm sorry that I hit you... so to make up for it..." she raised her hands, hesitated, and gently pulled her bra straps down.
Touji found that he could not say anything.
**
Kouzou Fuyutsuki struggled weakly against the handcuffs that held him to the chair. He was sitting alone in a black room, and was unsure of how long he had been there. Suddenly there was sound in the darkness, and faint red light.
SEELE 3: "So, Fuyutsuki, you see now how ineffective your security measures truly are now, yes?"
Fuyutsuki stopped struggling and focussed on the twelve monoliths that had appeared all around him, "What is the meaning of this?" He asked calmly, unwilling to show them his fear.
SEELE 4: "You are not here to ask questions, Kouzou Fuyutsuki, you are here to answer them!"
SEELE 7: "The plan has been altered. The pattern is no longer being followed, and who is to blame?"
SEELE 9: "Tell us what Ikari is planning!"
Fuyutsuki smiled ironically, "Ikari is loath to share his plans with anyone... I'm afraid I know nothing."
SEELE 4: "Do not toy with us! You are his number two, he must confide in SOMEONE, and that someone is logically you."
Fuyutsuki was shaking his head, "Though Ikari does tell me of his current projects, all of which I'm sure you are aware of, he keeps his own counsel when it comes to plans for the future."
SEELE 1: "We can see that you are unwilling at this time to share your knowledge with us. Perhaps a little more time alone in the darkness will change your mind. Remember, Fuyutsuki, we are patient... and we have all the time in the world."
The monoliths vanished, leaving Fuyutsuki alone to ponder their words... and the events of the past.
**
"Is there something specific you want me to play?"
Shinji was sitting at his cello, his bow in hand, and looking up at Asuka (who was leaning against the doorframe) expectantly. She had a slight frown on her face as she spoke, "I don't know really... I just want you to play for me - wait! I know, play along to this tune." After a brief hesitation, she began to sing quietly.
Shinji's eyes widened, -That's the song Rei was singing to her while she slept...- he thought, -did Asuka already know it?-
Asuka trailed off, looking at him with a slight hint of anger, "What? Is my voice THAT bad?!" She crossed her arms and started tapping her foot.
"No! Not at all, I..." he thought quickly, "I was just amazed that your voice is so beautiful... I've never heard you sing before."
She blushed and looked at the floor, "I'm... I'm sorry..."
He spoke quickly, "I... I think I can follow it... but will you sing while I play? I want to hear your voice again."
She looked at him, trying to decide if he was kidding or not. He laid his bow across the strings and said, "Please?" She swallowed and nodded, opening her mouth one more.
**
It was approaching one o'clock in the morning when Touji and Hikari had reached the Suzuhara residence. "Kind of strange, isn't it?" Touji asked idly, "You walking me home? I always thought that was supposed to be a man's job."
Hikari looked at the ground, not saying anything.
"What's the matter, baby?" Touji was looking at her, concern evident on his face, "You've hardly said anything since we left your place. I said I was sorry..."
She looked up at him, and he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. She spoke quickly, obviously wanting to get past whatever was bothering her, "Touji? I... I need to ask you something - and I don't want you to be mad at me, ok?"
He switched the umbrella he was carrying from one hand to the other and placed his right hand on her cheek, "What is it? I won't get mad."
Hikari drew a deep, shuddery breath and launched into an obviously pre-planned monologue, "Touji. Since I've become the pilot of Unit 04, and we've started dating, I've found that I'm capable of doing things and feeling things that I never thought possible, and it's been wonderful... but it's been scary too. I piloted a giant robot through the desert to get help for people that I knew hardly anything about... and I saw people die - one of them my age."
He opened his mouth to say something comforting, but she hurried on, "I've also felt like we've been getting so close, and the love that I have for you is so strong... but tonight I realized that what I want and what you want may not be the same thing." She raised her hand, "PLEASE, let me finish this. I realized that I love you immensely... but I am not ready to have sex before I get married. And the way things are going, that leaves me only one choice..." She took a deep breath, backing a step away from him.
Touji's shoulders slumped, -She's going to break up with me... I'm so STUPID! I shouldn't have pushed her so hard... IDIOT!!!-
He opened his mouth to protest, but the words died unspoken as Hikari sank to one knee in the rain-soaked street. She looked up at him, "Touji Suzuhara. I love you with all of my heart and soul, and you would make me the happiest woman on this Earth if you would be my husband." She reached into her coat pocket and withdrew a simple black velvet box.
For the second time that evening, Touji found that he could not say anything, -This can't be happening - it can't! Is she... is she PROPOSING to me!?!?-
Hikari opened the box to reveal a plain gold band, "It's your size... I know your size..." Suddenly she found she could no longer meet his eyes, "I know... everything about you, Touji. I know what food you like to eat... I know what you like to read... I know what kind of movies you like... I know that you're kind and loving and loyal... everything. I've known you as long as I can remember, and as long as I can remember I've wanted to marry you."
He dropped the umbrella, the rain soaking them both almost instantly. He fell to his knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her. He whispered quietly into her ear, "Yes, Hikari, I will."
Hikari's tears mingled with his, and both were swept away by the driving rain.
**
When the music had died away, Shinji had looked up to find Asuka wiping tears away from her eyes, 'Thank you, Shinji, that was beautiful.' She had suddenly made a fist and insisted that if they stayed in the apartment any longer she would go crazy. They had thrown on raincoats, grabbed an umbrella, and started walking through the slick streets of Toyko-3.
It was nearly one o'clock in the morning when Asuka quietly spoke, "Shinji?" he looked at her quizzically and said, "Hmm?"
She was holding on to his arm and resting her head on his shoulder, "Why haven't we... why haven't we made love since you got out of the hospital? Don't you want me anymore?" Shinji realized that she was on the brink of tears.
He stopped walking and looked at her, confused, "Of course I still want you! Do you even have to ask me that??"
She didn't looked relieved, and a single tear fell from her right eye, "I don't know... you don't..." she drew an unsteady breath, "you don't seem to want to touch me anymore." A tear from her left eye joined the first.
Shinji stared at her, unbelieving, "Asuka... I want to be with you so bad that it hurts, I-"
She cut him off, the tears coming faster now, and she spoke with some anger in her voice, "Then why? Why won't you sleep with me? Is there someone else?"
Shinji couldn't understand how there could be, as she was with him nearly every waking second, "No!"
Asuka went on as if she had not heard him, "I haven't started anything because you've seemed so distant, like you're always thinking about someone else... and I've been so scared Shinji. Please! Please tell me you still love me! I don't want to lose-"
Shinji dropped the umbrella in the street and pulled her into a fierce embrace, "Yes... yes I still love you! How could you think for one second that I don't?" He pulled away slightly, putting his hands on her shoulders, "It's just..." he trailed off, looking embarrassed.
Her tears had started to abate, and she wiped her eyes, "Just what? Shinji... please tell me."
He looked at the ground and spoke hesitantly, "It's just that... you've always made the first move before..." her eyes grew wide as she realized it was true, "I thought that you just haven't been in the mood, and I didn't want to push you into anything."
She was staring at him, amazed, "You... you didn't want to..." she threw her head back and laughed, ignored the rain, "Oh! Oh that's funny!!"
Shinji couldn't see what was so amusing, and he started to say so when she stopped laughing and wrapped her arms around his waist. She pulled him to her, kissing him fiercely.
"Wow..." was all he could say when she pulled back, her arms still around his waist.
She regarded him intently, "YOU could make the first move sometimes, you know. I wouldn't mind. If I'm not in the mood, I'll tell you."
She kissed him again, harder than before. When they separated, breathing hard, Shinji said, "I don't... I don't suppose you're in the mood now, are you?"
Asuka's eyes glittered, reflecting the glow from the streetlights, "Oh yeah..." She smiled mischievously, "there's a park not too far from here that has some trees... no one would see us..."
Hand in hand, they walked that way...
**
The rain beat against Rei's windowpane steadily as the red-eyed pilot stood naked, regarding the city before her. Her nudity did not bother her... in fact it was her preferred state. Only the conventions and rules of man kept her clothed in public. The concept of shame-of-self was as alien to her as was the concept of caring for another... and therein lay her current dilemma.
"Ikari..." she whispered, as she pondered her feelings for the young pilot. That she loved him was undoubted. What puzzled her was the sudden onset of the emotion. She thought back to the fifth angel, and his simple request for her to smile, -No...- she thought, looking up at the leaden sky, -it was not then... then I was simply doing as he requested.-
She could not deny that she felt SOMETHING for him at that point, but it was more akin to gratefulness than love. No, the first time she recognized the emotion for what it was seemed to be around the time she synced with Unit 00 after the cross-synchronization test. Instead of the normal fight for control that she usually experienced when syncing with the huge beast, she had felt calmness. As if the EVA had found something it had long sought and was now content to let her guide it. Her sync rate had also improved as a result.
"What is it?" she mused aloud, "what did you see in his mind?" She recalled the single word that had flashed in her mind as she had synchronized. One word, burned into her memory: prime. She had no idea what it meant in and of itself, but she knew that it was somehow related to her feelings for Shinji... and the feeling of other/self that she got from Unit 00. She fully intended to discover the significance of the word... and the feeling.
In an uncharacteristic show of emotion, Rei clenched her fist, "I will know the meaning..." she whispered fiercely. A bolt of lightning struck the Earth, its flash reflecting in her deep, red eyes long after it was gone, "I WILL!" the thunder that followed close behind whispered of the closeness of the storm...
**
Fuyutsuki woke from the troubled dream he had been having, -This has got to be the most uncomfortable position I've ever slept in... and that includes the time in college when we crammed 10 guys into a phone booth and got locked in.-
Suddenly he became aware of hands at his wrists, undoing the handcuffs that bound him, "Who...?" he began to ask.
"Shhh..." a voice directly behind him whispered, "quietly now, sub-commander. I would hate for anyone to realize you are gone before you are gone, know what I mean?"
Recognizing the voice, Kouzou whispered back, "You know they will kill you for this, don't you?"
Kaji helped the older man to his feet, "I don't care. All I care about is getting closer to the truth." He drew his gun and opened the door. Fuyutsuki blinked in the harsh light as Kaji motioned for him to follow.
**
"You did WHAT?!?" Asuka's incredulous voice rang out, causing several students' heads to turn to stare curiously at where she and Hikari were having lunch on the grass. It had taken some convincing on Hikari's part to get Asuka to have lunch with her, -I swear, that excuse about being only KIND of serious with Shinji doesn't fly...- Hikari thought at the time, -it's like THEY'RE the ones who are married...-
Hikari tried to pull her friend back down onto the grass, "Will you be QUIET? No one is supposed to know yet!" Asuka looked around, embarrassed, and sat back down.
After a moment, everyone stopped staring and went back to what they were doing (several of them helped along by the famous Second Child Glare), and Asuka asked quietly, "Why? Why would you marry that... that stooge!? I know you love him, but..."
Hikari smiled and looked at the grass, "Because he's sweet... and gentle... and kind... and-"
Asuka cut her off by making gagging sounds.
Hikari laughed, and then became serious, "Really, Asuka... he's good to me... and I've wanted him to be mine my whole life." She shrugged, and finished simply, "Now he is, and I'm happy."
Asuka found that she could not argue with the serene look on her friend's face, so she asked instead, "How did you do it? You're fourteen, and it was a Sunday night, too!"
Hikari smiled wickedly, "When you want something bad enough, there are ways." Her smiled quickly turned into a blush as she went on, "We had to... to go down to the red-light district. They have an all-night chapel for drunken sailors and prostitutes that want to take them for all that they can. It's a dirty business, but we didn't have much choice... I wanted him to be mine right then."
Asuka frowned, "But how did you convince them to marry the two of you so young?"
Hikari's smiled widened. She pulled out her NERV ID card, "You would be surprised at home many doors this opens - they even gave us the honeymoon suite at no cost - of course we didn't stay... we went to his house...." She giggled slightly.
Asuka nearly fell on her face at the last comment; -She... she's always been so proper... I can't believe she would do this.-
Hikari seemed to read her thoughts. She became serious again, "Asuka... I couldn't wait anymore. I had to know that he was going to be mine - all mine - forever. Can you understand that?"
Asuka turned her head so Hikari could not see her smile, and nodded, -More than you know, Hikari, more than you know.-
When she turned around Hikari said mater-of-factly, "Plus, we didn't want to live in sin..." she paused, smiling as she saw an opportunity to tease her friend, "like you and Shinji."
Asuka jumped to her feet (Hikari had expected this), "How did you kn-" she slapped her hand over her mouth a second too late, realizing she had made a tactical error as Hikari's mouth dropped wide open (as she had NOT expected that).
Hikari fumbled for words, "I... umm... I... how long?" was all she could think to say.
Asuka sank to the ground whispering, "No no no no no..." She put her head in her hands, "I'm gonna get killed for this..." she muttered miserably. She grabbed Hikari's shoulders, shaking the girl desperately, "You have to promise, no, SWEAR, that you won't tell anyone - not even your... husband." Asuka found she had a lot of trouble using that word.
Hikari (still being shaken) managed to get out, "O...K... Asu...ka... I... sw...ear..." she breathed deeply as Asuka finally released her, and smoothed her hair back into place. "I can keep it to myself... but aren't you worried about Shinj-"
She was cut off by a loud voice from across the school yard, "You did WHAT?!?!?" Touji's voice echoed, once again raising students' heads.
Asuka buried her face in her hands.
**
He stood alone, breathing evenly. -I wonder who they'll send for me?- he wondered idly.
When he had returned to his office, he had found a simple note stuck to his monitor, 'The usual place. Make sure you are not followed.'
He leaned back against the wall, feeling the cool breeze created by the fan, "Yeah..." he whispered, "the usual place..." It had only been a week since his last meeting with SEELE's representatives, so he wasn't due for another week, "guess that's the price I pay..." he mused, -Katsuragi... it's all in your hands now...-
The door creaked open, "Hey..." he said, trying to sound calm, "you're late."
She stepped into the light, -Of course...- he thought as she raised the small pistol, -of course it would be her...-
The slug took him high in the chest, crashing through bone and muscle before exiting, spreading a large portion of his life's blood onto the fan behind him. He fell back against the wall, clutching the wound. He met her eyes as she lowered the weapon, its work done, "Well..." he whispered, "at least they sent someone I know..." he coughed, alarmed at the quantity of blood that issued from his mouth.
She shook her head sadly, but her voice was cold, "You should have taken my advice..."
He nodded, the strength leaving his legs, "The advice of a friend, right?" he said with some irony, sliding to the ground.
"For what it's worth," she said, a small touch of sorrow entering her voice, "I AM sorry that it came to this..."
He smiled, feeling his limbs become heavy. With the last of his strength, he said, "Of course... just following orders, right?" he smiled even wider as his eyes slid closed, "You're such a good little soldier... just... just like Rei..."
Enraged, she yelled, "I am NOTHING like her, do you understand?! NOTHING!!!!" Her shouts fell on deaf ears, for he was already gone. "DAMN YOU!!" she screamed, bringing up the pistol and emptying its contents into the still form, pulling the trigger long after the clip had run dry.
She dropped the gun and fell to her knees, "Damn you..." she whispered, burying her head in her hands.
**
Asuka was wakened by the sound of crying.
"Shinji?" She whispered, confused. She raised her head from his chest (her favorite place in the whole world lately), and found that he was sleeping peacefully. Kissing him gently, she carefully rose from their bed and made her way to the door.
Cracking it open she was surprised to see Misato, kneeing in front of the telephone and weeping hysterically. -What should I do?- she thought, agitated, -I... I'm no good with this kind of thing... and I'm just a kid to her...-
Ashamed at her thoughts, she was about to close the door when Misato whispered, "Kaji..." and broke into fresh tears. Making a determined face she stepped out, and approached the older woman carefully, "M-Misato... are... are you ok?" she asked tentatively.
Misato's head whipped around, "As-Asuka..." she said, wiping tears hurriedly from her face, "yeah... I'm... I'm fine... I just..."
-Oh... what now? What now?!?!- Asuka's mind was in turmoil, "Do... do you want to talk to me... about it?" she asked, secretly hoping the other woman would decline her offer, -God... I'm so pathetic...- she thought disgustedly, -she obviously needs someone to talk to!!- She slowly reached out and touched Misato's shoulder, smiling uncertainly, "Really... I... I want to know."
Misato took a shuddery breath, "Actually... I can't tell you..." she looked incredibly sad. She broke eye contact with the redhead, whispering, "but I don't think Kaji will be coming around anymore." She grimaced with barely contained tears.
Asuka came closer, kneeling beside her guardian, "Did... did you have a fight, or something? I..."
Misato smiled at the young girl's innocent attempt to help her, -Asuka... I was wrong about you...- she thought, with some shame, "No... he's been..." she couldn't meet her eyes, "reassigned suddenly." -Permanently- she thought, with infinite sadness.
Asuka looked uncertain, -what would Shinji do??- She asked herself. Inspiration suddenly hit her and she embraced Misato clumsily, nearly knocking the other woman down. "Sorry," she whispered, blushing... but she didn't let go.
Misato didn't know what to do. On the one hand, she wanted to be left alone with her sadness and loss... and on the other hand, she desperately needed someone to comfort her. -I... I never thought... that SHE would... would...- she couldn't continue the thought as her sadness overwhelmed her. She held Asuka tightly, crying on her shoulder.
Asuka stroked the older woman's purple-black hair gently, holding her as she wept bitterly. "It's ok... Misato... it's ok..." she whispered.
Misato let the younger girl comfort her, feeling that - for this one moment at least - she was the child, and Asuka the guardian... and that was alright with her.
To be continued.
Author's notes: With this part I tried to illustrate that relationships don't always go as smoothly as planned, especially when communications break down. The part with Asuka and Shinji in the rain was where I really tried to get this message through. The thought of Shinji being used to her making the first move all the time (and therefor doing nothing), and Asuka being afraid she had lost his heart (and therefor doing nothing), seemed to fit very well. All they had to do was talk it over, and neither one quite know how to start (I thought Asuka would be the one to act first, as she is not the type to take things lying down.) As for Hikari's sudden proposal, well... Hikari strikes me as a very proper girl, who would not do anything until she was married. She also strikes me as being very determined, and the type would go to any means to get what she wanted once she had set her mind to it... so I put those two factors together, and now she is Misses Suzuhara ;)
Thanks to grookill for the idea for the last part... good call!
And thanks to Ryoma for Pre-reading... I owe you one... or two... or three...
As ever, feedback is welcome at Random1377@yahoo.com.