Disclaimer: Gainax and Evangelion go together like... like... like something that goes together well. In other words, THEY own all rights to it, and I do NOT. Hopefully, they won't have me drawn and quartered. This is part eight of the Deviance storyline, it contains some rough language... it also contains a scene involving a mental rape. If the thought of this offends you, please do not read.
Part 8
(Episode 22)
Heart of a woman, soul of a child
By Random1377
"Ohh!!" Asuka groaned in despair, "Not today!!"
Shinji poked his head around the edge of the door to the room they shared, pulling on his undershirt as he went, "What? What is it?" Though he could not see his love (the bathroom door was shut) the note of unhappiness in her voice drew him like the proverbial moth to the flame.
He hated to see her unhappy.
"I don't wanna go tonight," she said miserably, "can we stay home?"
Shinji frowned, "But I thought you were dying to go to the dance? We've been planning for three weeks!" He also knew that Touji and Hikari would be there... and he liked hanging out with them. For some reason, since they had gotten together going out with a group of people appealed less and less to them both... the double-date concept seemed more intimate somehow - more personal. Not that it was really dating with Touji and Hikari - since they were married... but it was still more fun for some reason.
Her voice was hesitant, "I do... but I..." she trailed off.
Shinji came to stand in front of the door, "What is it, honey?" He secretly thrilled to every time he got to use a term of endearment with her... it helped solidify in his mind the fact that she was his - a fact he often felt must be a dream.
"I..." she finally sighed, knowing she couldn't keep it a secret, "I got my period..." she mumbled, "and I've got cramps... bad."
Shinji wasn't really sure what to say. The last time she had gotten her period, he had not noticed (mostly due to the fact that he was in a liquid form at the time), and before that she had never told him about it. Now he was somewhat at a loss about what to do.
"Umm... could you take some... some aspirin or something?" He slapped his forehead, realizing that he sounded like an uncaring jerk, "Never mind... we can stay home if you want. I'll just call Touji and tell him-"
"No..." she said quietly, "I... I don't want you to have to miss it because of me..." she opened the door, looking down as she stepped by him in her underclothes and into their room.
"It's really ok," he said, following her (and admiring her body as he went), "I don't have to go, we can just hang out and-"
She cut him off again, "No..." she said, pulling on a red slip, "the reason I'm so mad is that I... I wanted to..." she blushed, "I wanted to end the night by... being with you."
Shinji was confused. They had been together almost every night since Touji and Hikari got married. Seeing his confusion, she explained further, "I wanted the night to be perfect, Shinji..." she frowned sadly, "I wanted to have that be the perfect end to the perfect night - the dance... some dinner afterwards... and then you and me..." her voice lowered, "alone... in a hotel where no one could bother us... and we could do what we wanted all night."
She sniffed sadly, and Shinji took her into his arms, "I'm sorry," he whispered, "tell you what..." he pulled back and kissed her softly, "why don't we still do all of that, and then when we go to the hotel we can just talk and kiss and stuff all night... ok?"
"It's not the same," she muttered, "I wanted to-"
"I know..." he cut her off gently, "but we can't. And I still want to be with you any way that I can." He looked at the floor, "We... still could, you know..."
She blanched, "No thanks..." she smiled suddenly, "but thank you for offering... it was very sweet. And I think I will take you up on that offer of talking all night."
He smiled and gave her a quick hug, "Deal. Now let's get dressed, or we're going to be late."
He began to pull away, but she held him fast, "Shinji..." she whispered, leaning closer to him, "let's be a little late, ok?"
As her lips pressed to his, Shinji found he had no arguments.
**
Across town, Hikari and Touji were rushing to get their clothes on also.
"Come on!" Hikari yelled, pulling the zipper on her green dress up, "We're already a half hour late!"
Touji stuck his head around the corner into the bedroom they shared, "And who's fault is that?" He asked her with one eyebrow raised, "Should I tell everyone we were late because my wife wanted to have-"
"Will you just hurry up?" she said quickly... but he could see the blush spreading across her cheeks.
He came up behind where she was sitting in front of the dressing table, "It's ok, you know?" he whispered, kissing her shoulder, "We ARE married..."
Her blush deepened, "I know..." she said, leaning against him with a sigh, "but that doesn't mean I want everyone to know about our sex life..."
He kissed her cheek, "Ok," he said, "I'll keep it to myself..." he grinned mischievously, "if when we get home we can-"
"Go get dressed!" she yelled, turning a deeper shade of red than Touji had ever seen.
As he turned to go back to the bathroom where his suit was hanging, Hikari whispered softly, "You have a deal..."
Touji smiled... it was going to be a great night. Turning away, he missed seeing his wife's pained expression... and the way she pressed her hand to her side.
She shook her head to clear it, -Happening again...- she thought, breathing through the attack. She briefly considered telling Touji about the pains she'd been having for the past three days... but she didn't want to worry him. -I'll talk to doctor Akagi tomorrow,- she thought as the pain vanished as suddenly as it came, -nothing I can do tonight anyway...-
She was sure that she wasn't pregnant... it had only been a couple of weeks since they'd first slept together, and she knew that it would be too early to feel anything. What scared her, no - TERRIFIED her, was the knowledge that her grandmother had died of uterine cancer.
-Please, God...- she prayed silently, looking at the door to the room her husband was in, -I don't think I've asked for too much... but please - PLEASE don't let it be that...- She didn't think it was a selfish prayer...
**
Rei looked at herself critically in the dingy mirror, "It will be acceptable..." she said softly.
She took a final look at the conservative blue gown she had chosen for the dance and nodded in satisfaction before turning off the bathroom light and returning to her apartment's small living/bed room.
Though she did not know much about fashion, she had spent several hours at the shopping complex observing others, and she felt that the gown would be considered 'pretty'.
She looked at the clock over her bed, seeing that it was almost time to leave.
Walking over to the window, she thought about why she was going at all... she was not inclined to dancing, and the music tended to hurt her ears. "I would like to see them dance..." she whispered, as if trying to convince herself.
Lying was never Rei's strong suit, especially to herself, but she tried anyway, "I am NOT going merely to protect Shinji..." she whispered.
A bright flash caught her attention and she looked out the window, "It is raining..." she observed quietly.
Unlike several people she knew of, she did not mind lightning and rain... she actually found them fascinating. So much raw force, arcing down wherever it wanted... DOING whatever it wanted. In an odd way, she envied the lightning. IT didn't have to do as it was told... IT didn't wonder why it was here... IT didn't have a dark purpose to fulfill... it just - WAS.
Suddenly she became aware of an odd... tickle at the back of her mind. A sensation she knew all too well. She looked out the window, frowning deeply, and took the gown off... there would be no dancing tonight.
She was already pulling on her spare plugsuit as the angel alarm began sounding.
**
"Why are we waiting around, Misato?" A frustrated voice came over the speakers in the command room.
Asuka was fuming. They had been sitting in the catapults for twenty minutes... just waiting. It was bad enough that they were in the process of missing the dance, but she CERTAINLY didn't want to spend the whole NIGHT doing this... she wanted to be alone with her love.
And besides... her tummy hurt.
"Rei is on her way," Misato said, ignoring a chuckle from someone on the deck at her unconscious rhyme -Childish...- she thought angrily, -even the actual CHILDREN didn't laugh at that!- "She's in the base," Misato went on, looking around to see who had laughed, "but she won't be to her EVA for a couple minutes, and Commander Ikari wants her to be gunner on this mission."
So far, the snowflake-like angel had not moved... it just float calmly in orbit directly overhead. The plan was to shoot it down with a long-range rifle before it had the chance to get close enough to attack.
Asuka rolled her eyes, "Damnit! I don't have time to wait around for her! I'll take point." She launched the red Evangelion to the surface, ignoring Misato's command to return.
Misato growled in frustration, "Touji, take up a covering position with the positron rifle behind Asuka. Hikari, stand ready."
"I am here now..." Rei's soft voice came over the speakers.
"Stand fast in the launch bay with Hikari." Misato said, privately relieved that the blue-haired girl had finally shown up, "I want you both ready to launch in a second if that thing comes closer."
"Misato," Shinji's voice came to her, sounding confused, "what about me?"
Gendou answered instead, "Unit 01 is not to be taken out of stasis unless there is an emergency that the other four Units cannot handle." To Maya he said, "Disengage his nerve connections, I will not have another incident like the one following the Thirteenth."
As his connection with the EVA went down, Shinji bowed his head, frowning, -Father, if she gets hurt and I can't do anything about it, I WILL find a way to get to you... I swear that.-
**
Unit 02 stood still in the driving rain, waiting as Unit 03 positioned the huge type I positron rifle. She knew she would be firing the more advanced type II, but she still would have felt better if it was in her hands already... she currently felt defenseless - and did NOT like it.
The red mecha's hand flexed as Asuka's did, "Come on!" she said impatiently, "Send me the gun! Stooge number two here will still be setting up after I've killed the damn thing!"
The command room at large ignored her, "Come on, honey..." Shinji's voice came to her gently, calming her somewhat, "you don't have to do this."
She frowned, "Yes I do! I took point and I-"
He cut her off, smiling as his image appeared on her onscreen display, "I didn't mean that... I meant you don't have to pretend you're impatient... you don't have to show off, Asuka... everyone knows you're the best." He paused, offering her a fake frown, "Besides, who are you trying to impress? *I* think you're incredible... are you trying to pick up another guy on the side?"
She smiled brightly, "Well, Aoba is pretty cute... I could always-" she laughed as his frown became serious.
"It's not funny..." he mumbled.
This caused her to laugh harder, -So unsure...- she thought, finally bringing herself under control, "I'm sorry... you know I'm just kidding." She looked at his face on the small screen thoughtfully, "You know..." she whispered, leaning closer to the screen, "there are... other things we could try tonight..."
Shinji blushed a deep red as Asuka's tongue ran over her lips suggestively, "A-Asuka!" he stammered.
"What's the matter, Third Child," she teased, "scared?"
They never got the chance to finish the conversation as Misato's voice came over the general band, "Touji's ready, Asuka... are you? It's not too late to let Rei take the position, she DOES have higher marksmanship scores than you..."
Asuka frowned deeply at the dig, "No, thank you for your 'thoughtfulness' though, I appreciate it after all we talked about the other week..."
Misato flushed, remembering how Asuka had comforted her after Kaji's death, "Sorry..." she said softly, "the rifle is on its way, but it may be a while before the angel is within range, so it's going to be a fairly boring mission."
As the rifle came out of the ground, Misato switched to a private channel, "I'm sorry, Asuka... you know that... that I have the same... that it's..."
Asuka sighed, taking the rifle in Unit 02's hands and fastening it to the shoulder for better support, "I know Misato..." she said, rubbing her stomach as a small cramp hit her, "it happens if women live together too long..."
Her guardian nodded, "Regardless... that was a cheap shot, and I'm sorry. Now prove me wrong and kill this thing..." her voice became slightly singsong, "If you hur-ry I'll buy you din-ner..."
Asuka laughed, "Well, as long as you're not cooking, I'm in." -And you can treat Shinji too,- she thought with a smile, -then we can go to the hotel... forget the dance.-
She pushed a button on the side of the right control yoke and a gray helmet slid forward, moving over her head. As it became active, her face was lit by a soft green glow. "Target acquired," a soft female voice whispered in her ear, "calculating trajectory. Target out of range... recommend advancing to closer location."
Asuka frowned, ignoring the droning voice as it continued to recommend courses of action and instead focused on the small, dancing dot in the viewfinder.
"Come on..." she whispered, "hold still..." She knew that the target was not actually moving, but rather, the entire planet was... but she was still frustrated. This was supposed to be a night of fun and passion - and here she was trying to swat a bothersome insect from goodness-knows how far away.
She was just thinking how unfair it was that they would not get to do 'the fun stuff' as she liked to put it, when the viewfinder blinked 'LOCKED'.
"Well how about tha-" her happy exclamation turned into a scream as a piercing white light flooded her vision. She felt something push into her mind, "NO!!" she cried out, "Don't come into me!!"
"Asuka?" Shinji's bewildered voice reached her, but she was unable to answer as she felt the... presence, slide further into her - she immediately equated it with the first time she had been with Shinji, including the pain.
She screamed, "Get out of my mind! God... OH GOD! IT'S RAPING MY MIND!!!"
**
Everyone in the control room froze as Asuka's scream rang out, then they all moved at once.
"What's happening? Is it a beam weapon?" Misato yelled, "Get me some answers, DAMNIT!!"
"Negative," Hyouga called back, "no heat emissions detected!"
"It's attacking her mind directly," Ritsuko whispered in horror, "it's forcing its way inside her thoughts..."
Asuka screamed again and pulled the triggers on the control yokes, hoping that the angel was still lined up... knowing she would not get another shot.
The rifle boomed twice, sending bolts of energy up into the sky.
"No good!" Hyouga reported, starting to sweat, "It's out of range, she can't hit it!"
"NO!!" Asuka cried, pulling the trigger again and again, "Get OUT OF ME!!!"
Misato's mouth fell open as the red mecha contorted in pain and continued firing... every shot landing with devastating force on Tokyo-3.
"Hits reported on blocks E, G, K, and R4," Hyouga's voice was frantic, "there are casualties..." His eyes widened, "Oh God..." he whispered, "she hit one of the shelters..."
"Eject her plug!" Misato yelled, "We've got to get her out of there before she destroys the city!"
"No good!" Maya was shaking her head, "The signal can't get past the angel's energy field."
Finally the huge rifle ran out of ammo, just as Unit 02 threw its head back and screamed with inhuman agony.
"Requesting permission to return fire..." Touji said tensely, "I have it in my sights." He waited for a moment, "Requesting permission to fire!" he yelled.
Shinji was screaming, "Asuka!! ASUKA!!! Please!! PLEASE, FATHER!! Let me help her!!!" He yanked on the control yokes, willing Unit 01 to respond, "COME ON!!!" he screamed in frustration, "MOVE!!!"
"The pilot brought it on herself," Gendou said coldly, ignoring his son's pleas, "her pride will be her downfall."
Fuyutsuki leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Ikari... it is too early to lose Unit 02, we still need it."
Gendou nodded minutely, "Of course, you are correct," in a louder voice he commanded, "Unit 03, you have clearance. Fire at will."
"It's about fucking TIME!!!" Touji yelled. He focused his attention on the tiny dot, waiting to see the word 'locked' appear in his scope. When it did, he held his breath and squeezed the triggers, -Hang on, Asuka!- he thought.
Green fire licked from the barrel of the positron cannon, the kickback pulverizing the building directly behind Unit 03.
Touji smiled as he watched the energy beam's progress on his monitor, -That looks dead center to me...- he thought.
The shot bounced harmlessly off of the angel's AT field.
"No..." Touji whispered, his smile falling away.
"Unit 03," Gendou spoke with some energy, as his plan came together, "continue firing. Rei... go to Terminal Dogma and get the Lance."
Fuyutsuki looked taken aback, he composed himself and leaned over his old friend's shoulder again, "The committee will not sit still for this, Ikari... you risk too much."
Gendou did not turn to him, "Great risks must be taken in order to reap great rewards."
"But, sir..." Misato spoke, confused, "I heard that if an EVA comes in contact with Adam it will cause Third Impact... please don't do this!" Gendou said nothing, just continued to stare at her with a small smile, -I see...- Misato thought bitterly, turning away, -another lie...-
"Understood..." Rei whispered as she willed Unit 00 forward off of the catapult. Though Asuka's screams filled her ears, they did not affect her as much as Shinji's. His screams of anguish tore at her like tiny fingers, making her push Unit 00 harder than she had dared to before.
It was not that Rei did not care about what was happening to Asuka, because she did not dislike the girl as Asuka disliked her (honestly, the redhead's opinion of her meant nothing to her), but Shinji... he was another story.
She hated to see him in pain, and went to great lengths to ensure that he was safe at all times. -I will stop this...- she thought as she moved the blue mecha swiftly, almost recklessly, towards Terminal Dogma.
In the command room, Maya whispered, "Sempai? You wanted to know if Rei's sync rate shot up again like it did during the last training? Well, it is now... seven points."
Ritsuko leaned over her desk, "Make sure a copy of the battle tape - including this data - gets to me, understood?"
Maya nodded, making a note on her computer as Rei continued to race through the compound, now moving Unit 00 at its top speed.
"Please, Shinji..." she whispered, "please calm down... I will make it alright..."
The air inside Terminal Dogma became hot as Unit 00 began to blur, moving faster than it was ever designed to.
"Unit 00 just became supersonic..." Maya whispered, "just like Unit 01 against the tenth angel."
Ritsuko reached over her shoulders and tapped a quick sequence on the keyboard. "No, it didn't..." she said, her voice low and firm as she held Maya's eyes. Finally the younger woman blinked and looked away.
"Yes, Sempai..." she whispered as the image of Unit 00 practically flying through the wide space of Terminal Dogma disappeared from her screen without a trace.
**
"Shin...ji..." Asuka gasped, her body arching off of the pilot's chair as more images from the past stormed through her mind.
Everything that made her HER was laid bare before her mind's eye... and she knew her love could do nothing to shield her - but still she cried out for him, hoping... needing... praying, that he would find a way to save her. -You're always... always so strong...- she thought, trying to escape the bombardment of pictures and feelings as they became more intense, building towards a single dark event in her past. -Please...- she begged, mentally shying away from what she knew was coming, -please save me...-
But he could not.
"ASUKA!!!" Shinji was openly sobbing now, pulling with all of his might on the two butterfly controls, "Please..." he begged, "please, someone save her..."
In Unit 04's entry plug, Hikari was crying. "Oh GOD!!!" she screamed brokenly, "Make it stop!!!" -I'm sorry, Asuka!!- The thought tore through her, -I'm sorry!!- She slammed her hands over her ears and wept as one thought rang over and over through her mind, making her fell dirty and ashamed, -I'm glad it's you and not me...-
Touji kept pulling the trigger... unwilling to give up... unable to help... "Die, damn you!!" he cried, his voice breaking, "DIE!" The rifle discharged again, another bolt of energy tearing through the heavens... only to be deflected.
And then Rei was there.
"Catapult nineteen activated," Hyouga called out, "Unit 00 approaching the surface... its got the Lance."
"Rei!" Misato's voice came to her through a dull, pulsing haze of rage, "Don't throw yet, you have to wait for the Magi to calculate the angle of deflection and compensate for the rotation of-" Rei clicked off the feed from the command room and focused on one private channel.
"I do not need them," she whispered, her lips pulled away from her teeth in a snarl as she listened to Shinji's sobs, "they are not necessary... for me..."
All eyes were locked onto the monitor as the blue mecha breached the surface, shooting several hundred feet into the air. Since her feed was off, no one heard Rei's animalistic scream as the great humanoid figure twisted in mid-air, bringing the Lance of Longinus up in one swift movement and throwing it as hard as it could, causing a small clap of thunder in the immediate vicinity as it tore the very air around it apart.
Unit 00 fell back to the ground as the Lance streaked skyward to find its target and end the suffering that it was causing, "For you," Rei whispered gently, touching the small screen that read Feed from Unit 01 softly and ignoring the Lance's progress, "always for you..."
Through Rei was unaware of it, Unit 00 nodded as if satisfied... and in a tank marked Prime, deep under her feet... a dark haired girl smiled.
**
Central Dogma was quiet, and had been for the past five minutes. The lance had struck dead center, ending the attack immediately, and Asuka had stopped crying seconds later... though the occasional sob could still be heard from Shinji in Unit 01.
Misato shook herself, breaking out of her dark thoughts, "Unit 03, return to base.... Asuka?" she said quietly, "can you bring Unit 02 back to the cage?"
Asuka's voice was lifeless, "Yes." Unit 02 began to move ponderously toward the waiting cage.
"Rei, assist Unit 02 in returning-" Misato began.
"NO!" Asuka's voice was filled with rage, "I can do it myself!!"
Rei was unfazed, "I will follow Unit 02 and assist if necessary."
Asuka found that she was too tired to argue the point any further, -Of course... of course SHE would follow orders...- She used the last of her remaining strength to get the EVA back to its cage, then collapsed into tears as the elevator began to descend.
**
Shinji found Asuka as soon as he was released from Unit 01's plug. She was sitting in the middle of a square marked off with bright yellow tape that screamed: QUARANTINE! DO NOT CROSS!! Watching Unit 02 as it was returned to its cage.
He gathered himself, wiping away the last of his tears, and called out to her, "Asuka! Are you ok?" She did not reply, "Asuka!! Please... please talk to me..."
Asuka did not turn to face him as she spoke, "No, Shinji," her voice was cold... and filled with hurt, "I don't want to see anyone... not even you. Just... just leave me alone!"
His face registered surprise, and his hands balled into fists, -I know the angel invaded her mind somehow... but they said she should be fine.-
Asuka was rocking back and forth, shivering as she clutched her legs close to her chest. "It doesn't matter..." she whispered quietly, "nothing matters anymore... just useless..."
-I can't... I can't just watch her suffer!- Shinji thought with a frown. He stepped forward, ducking under the tape, and wrapped his arms around her.
Asuka began to struggle fiercely, "No!! No, don't touch me!! I... I'm unclean... Shinji please..."
Shinji looked at her, "I won't let you go, Asuka, no mater what the Angel did, I-"
"You don't understand!!" she cut him off, still trying to pull away, "It isn't the angel, it's what the angel made me remember... I remembered my mother... and... and I remembered that she tried to kill me... that she asked me to die with her..." She intensified her efforts to get away, "and I remembered... I remembered that it was my fault..."
He held her tightly, ignoring her struggles to get away from him. "Why, Asuka?" He whispered, pulling back slightly so he could meet her eyes.
She stopped fighting and spoke quietly, her voice cracking, "Because..." she looked back at him, her eyes streaming with tears, "because I said 'Yes', Shinji... I said yes..."
Shinji's eyes widened as she went on, "I begged her to take me with her... to kill me too... if only... if only she would look at ME, and not that stupid doll!! I gave up on living, Shinji, do you understand? All I wanted was to be with my mama, and so I gave up..."
Shinji held her closer, and whispered, "Asuka... you were only seven..."
She tried to get away again, scared of opening herself completely, scared of seeing pity in his eyes, "It doesn't matter!" she screamed bitterly, "I wanted to die..." her voice dropped to a whisper, "Some days I still do..."
"You don't mean that," he said, shaking his head, "You-"
"YES I DO!" she screamed, more tears running down her cheeks, "And I want you to let me go right NOW!!" She twisted in his arms, but he refused to release her.
Shinji held her without saying anything for a few minutes, waiting for her tears to abate. Once they had he spoke gently, "Asuka... do you love me?"
She stopped struggling, her breath ragged, "Do I-"
He cut her off quietly, "Because I love you, and I want you to be with me - no matter what."
She started to cry again, "But... but I'm not worthy of-"
He pressed his finger against her lips tenderly, "Shhh... yes... you are. It doesn't matter what happened before, all that matters is now... if you love me..." He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes, "do you love me?"
She studied his eyes, expecting to see pity, but only finding love.
Something broke inside of her, something buried so long ago that she was not even aware of it until just then. From the depths of her soul... from the farthest reaches of her mind... from the deepest recesses of her heart - everything that she was screamed, "YES!!"
She collapsed into his arms, clinging to him like a drowning person would cling to a scrap of driftwood. Asuka Langley Souryu, angel slayer, designated pilot of Evangelion Unit 02, and self-proclaimed toughest girl alive, wept like never before. Cleansing her soul of all the age-old self-loathing and all the doubt in the arms of the man that she loved more than life itself.
To be continued
Author's notes: As Strike Fiss said in his incredible fiction, Higher Learning, "I don't know ANY fanfic-writer who doesn't dread having to write about Asuka's mind-rape. Especially if they have to describe it." He was right, that was one of the hardest things I've ever done... and I still couldn't bring myself to describe it - it was just too hard (also, the idea for having Touji use the positron rifle came from this same story... sorry... but it seemed too good to pass up.). I wrote the end of this Chapter before the beginning, because I had a very clear idea of what I wanted to happen in it and I didn't want to get side tracked. The end scene and the one in episode 21 where Misato cries and Shinji does nothing about it, are the two that bother me the most out of anything in Evangelion (aside of the movie's end, but I'll talk about that later). Twice, Shinji is given the opportunity to comfort someone that he loves, and twice he shies away from it. In my mind, this is what people are talking about when they say Shinji is a coward. I've always thought that Shinji could be strong if he needed to (as evidenced by the scene in the beginning of episode 19, when he threatened to trash the base... and later in the episode where he returns to save everyone), and I thought that these two scenes were not continuous with his pre-established pattern of helping other people (like cleaning Rei's room, or refusing to fight Unit 03, or jumping into an active volcano to save Asuka, or, or, or...). I've said it before, and I will say it again: the characters in Evangelion are so well defined and written that they seem real... and one of my purposes in writing this whole story was to try and show how things might have been with just a few alterations. If it all comes off as a bit WAFFy, that's just because I wanted to see them happy for a change... it's the only way I can make it up to them (in my mind anyway) for all the pain and suffering of the last few episodes and the movie.
Thanks to Ryoma for pre-reading.
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com
Part 8
(Episode 22)
Heart of a woman, soul of a child
By Random1377
"Ohh!!" Asuka groaned in despair, "Not today!!"
Shinji poked his head around the edge of the door to the room they shared, pulling on his undershirt as he went, "What? What is it?" Though he could not see his love (the bathroom door was shut) the note of unhappiness in her voice drew him like the proverbial moth to the flame.
He hated to see her unhappy.
"I don't wanna go tonight," she said miserably, "can we stay home?"
Shinji frowned, "But I thought you were dying to go to the dance? We've been planning for three weeks!" He also knew that Touji and Hikari would be there... and he liked hanging out with them. For some reason, since they had gotten together going out with a group of people appealed less and less to them both... the double-date concept seemed more intimate somehow - more personal. Not that it was really dating with Touji and Hikari - since they were married... but it was still more fun for some reason.
Her voice was hesitant, "I do... but I..." she trailed off.
Shinji came to stand in front of the door, "What is it, honey?" He secretly thrilled to every time he got to use a term of endearment with her... it helped solidify in his mind the fact that she was his - a fact he often felt must be a dream.
"I..." she finally sighed, knowing she couldn't keep it a secret, "I got my period..." she mumbled, "and I've got cramps... bad."
Shinji wasn't really sure what to say. The last time she had gotten her period, he had not noticed (mostly due to the fact that he was in a liquid form at the time), and before that she had never told him about it. Now he was somewhat at a loss about what to do.
"Umm... could you take some... some aspirin or something?" He slapped his forehead, realizing that he sounded like an uncaring jerk, "Never mind... we can stay home if you want. I'll just call Touji and tell him-"
"No..." she said quietly, "I... I don't want you to have to miss it because of me..." she opened the door, looking down as she stepped by him in her underclothes and into their room.
"It's really ok," he said, following her (and admiring her body as he went), "I don't have to go, we can just hang out and-"
She cut him off again, "No..." she said, pulling on a red slip, "the reason I'm so mad is that I... I wanted to..." she blushed, "I wanted to end the night by... being with you."
Shinji was confused. They had been together almost every night since Touji and Hikari got married. Seeing his confusion, she explained further, "I wanted the night to be perfect, Shinji..." she frowned sadly, "I wanted to have that be the perfect end to the perfect night - the dance... some dinner afterwards... and then you and me..." her voice lowered, "alone... in a hotel where no one could bother us... and we could do what we wanted all night."
She sniffed sadly, and Shinji took her into his arms, "I'm sorry," he whispered, "tell you what..." he pulled back and kissed her softly, "why don't we still do all of that, and then when we go to the hotel we can just talk and kiss and stuff all night... ok?"
"It's not the same," she muttered, "I wanted to-"
"I know..." he cut her off gently, "but we can't. And I still want to be with you any way that I can." He looked at the floor, "We... still could, you know..."
She blanched, "No thanks..." she smiled suddenly, "but thank you for offering... it was very sweet. And I think I will take you up on that offer of talking all night."
He smiled and gave her a quick hug, "Deal. Now let's get dressed, or we're going to be late."
He began to pull away, but she held him fast, "Shinji..." she whispered, leaning closer to him, "let's be a little late, ok?"
As her lips pressed to his, Shinji found he had no arguments.
**
Across town, Hikari and Touji were rushing to get their clothes on also.
"Come on!" Hikari yelled, pulling the zipper on her green dress up, "We're already a half hour late!"
Touji stuck his head around the corner into the bedroom they shared, "And who's fault is that?" He asked her with one eyebrow raised, "Should I tell everyone we were late because my wife wanted to have-"
"Will you just hurry up?" she said quickly... but he could see the blush spreading across her cheeks.
He came up behind where she was sitting in front of the dressing table, "It's ok, you know?" he whispered, kissing her shoulder, "We ARE married..."
Her blush deepened, "I know..." she said, leaning against him with a sigh, "but that doesn't mean I want everyone to know about our sex life..."
He kissed her cheek, "Ok," he said, "I'll keep it to myself..." he grinned mischievously, "if when we get home we can-"
"Go get dressed!" she yelled, turning a deeper shade of red than Touji had ever seen.
As he turned to go back to the bathroom where his suit was hanging, Hikari whispered softly, "You have a deal..."
Touji smiled... it was going to be a great night. Turning away, he missed seeing his wife's pained expression... and the way she pressed her hand to her side.
She shook her head to clear it, -Happening again...- she thought, breathing through the attack. She briefly considered telling Touji about the pains she'd been having for the past three days... but she didn't want to worry him. -I'll talk to doctor Akagi tomorrow,- she thought as the pain vanished as suddenly as it came, -nothing I can do tonight anyway...-
She was sure that she wasn't pregnant... it had only been a couple of weeks since they'd first slept together, and she knew that it would be too early to feel anything. What scared her, no - TERRIFIED her, was the knowledge that her grandmother had died of uterine cancer.
-Please, God...- she prayed silently, looking at the door to the room her husband was in, -I don't think I've asked for too much... but please - PLEASE don't let it be that...- She didn't think it was a selfish prayer...
**
Rei looked at herself critically in the dingy mirror, "It will be acceptable..." she said softly.
She took a final look at the conservative blue gown she had chosen for the dance and nodded in satisfaction before turning off the bathroom light and returning to her apartment's small living/bed room.
Though she did not know much about fashion, she had spent several hours at the shopping complex observing others, and she felt that the gown would be considered 'pretty'.
She looked at the clock over her bed, seeing that it was almost time to leave.
Walking over to the window, she thought about why she was going at all... she was not inclined to dancing, and the music tended to hurt her ears. "I would like to see them dance..." she whispered, as if trying to convince herself.
Lying was never Rei's strong suit, especially to herself, but she tried anyway, "I am NOT going merely to protect Shinji..." she whispered.
A bright flash caught her attention and she looked out the window, "It is raining..." she observed quietly.
Unlike several people she knew of, she did not mind lightning and rain... she actually found them fascinating. So much raw force, arcing down wherever it wanted... DOING whatever it wanted. In an odd way, she envied the lightning. IT didn't have to do as it was told... IT didn't wonder why it was here... IT didn't have a dark purpose to fulfill... it just - WAS.
Suddenly she became aware of an odd... tickle at the back of her mind. A sensation she knew all too well. She looked out the window, frowning deeply, and took the gown off... there would be no dancing tonight.
She was already pulling on her spare plugsuit as the angel alarm began sounding.
**
"Why are we waiting around, Misato?" A frustrated voice came over the speakers in the command room.
Asuka was fuming. They had been sitting in the catapults for twenty minutes... just waiting. It was bad enough that they were in the process of missing the dance, but she CERTAINLY didn't want to spend the whole NIGHT doing this... she wanted to be alone with her love.
And besides... her tummy hurt.
"Rei is on her way," Misato said, ignoring a chuckle from someone on the deck at her unconscious rhyme -Childish...- she thought angrily, -even the actual CHILDREN didn't laugh at that!- "She's in the base," Misato went on, looking around to see who had laughed, "but she won't be to her EVA for a couple minutes, and Commander Ikari wants her to be gunner on this mission."
So far, the snowflake-like angel had not moved... it just float calmly in orbit directly overhead. The plan was to shoot it down with a long-range rifle before it had the chance to get close enough to attack.
Asuka rolled her eyes, "Damnit! I don't have time to wait around for her! I'll take point." She launched the red Evangelion to the surface, ignoring Misato's command to return.
Misato growled in frustration, "Touji, take up a covering position with the positron rifle behind Asuka. Hikari, stand ready."
"I am here now..." Rei's soft voice came over the speakers.
"Stand fast in the launch bay with Hikari." Misato said, privately relieved that the blue-haired girl had finally shown up, "I want you both ready to launch in a second if that thing comes closer."
"Misato," Shinji's voice came to her, sounding confused, "what about me?"
Gendou answered instead, "Unit 01 is not to be taken out of stasis unless there is an emergency that the other four Units cannot handle." To Maya he said, "Disengage his nerve connections, I will not have another incident like the one following the Thirteenth."
As his connection with the EVA went down, Shinji bowed his head, frowning, -Father, if she gets hurt and I can't do anything about it, I WILL find a way to get to you... I swear that.-
**
Unit 02 stood still in the driving rain, waiting as Unit 03 positioned the huge type I positron rifle. She knew she would be firing the more advanced type II, but she still would have felt better if it was in her hands already... she currently felt defenseless - and did NOT like it.
The red mecha's hand flexed as Asuka's did, "Come on!" she said impatiently, "Send me the gun! Stooge number two here will still be setting up after I've killed the damn thing!"
The command room at large ignored her, "Come on, honey..." Shinji's voice came to her gently, calming her somewhat, "you don't have to do this."
She frowned, "Yes I do! I took point and I-"
He cut her off, smiling as his image appeared on her onscreen display, "I didn't mean that... I meant you don't have to pretend you're impatient... you don't have to show off, Asuka... everyone knows you're the best." He paused, offering her a fake frown, "Besides, who are you trying to impress? *I* think you're incredible... are you trying to pick up another guy on the side?"
She smiled brightly, "Well, Aoba is pretty cute... I could always-" she laughed as his frown became serious.
"It's not funny..." he mumbled.
This caused her to laugh harder, -So unsure...- she thought, finally bringing herself under control, "I'm sorry... you know I'm just kidding." She looked at his face on the small screen thoughtfully, "You know..." she whispered, leaning closer to the screen, "there are... other things we could try tonight..."
Shinji blushed a deep red as Asuka's tongue ran over her lips suggestively, "A-Asuka!" he stammered.
"What's the matter, Third Child," she teased, "scared?"
They never got the chance to finish the conversation as Misato's voice came over the general band, "Touji's ready, Asuka... are you? It's not too late to let Rei take the position, she DOES have higher marksmanship scores than you..."
Asuka frowned deeply at the dig, "No, thank you for your 'thoughtfulness' though, I appreciate it after all we talked about the other week..."
Misato flushed, remembering how Asuka had comforted her after Kaji's death, "Sorry..." she said softly, "the rifle is on its way, but it may be a while before the angel is within range, so it's going to be a fairly boring mission."
As the rifle came out of the ground, Misato switched to a private channel, "I'm sorry, Asuka... you know that... that I have the same... that it's..."
Asuka sighed, taking the rifle in Unit 02's hands and fastening it to the shoulder for better support, "I know Misato..." she said, rubbing her stomach as a small cramp hit her, "it happens if women live together too long..."
Her guardian nodded, "Regardless... that was a cheap shot, and I'm sorry. Now prove me wrong and kill this thing..." her voice became slightly singsong, "If you hur-ry I'll buy you din-ner..."
Asuka laughed, "Well, as long as you're not cooking, I'm in." -And you can treat Shinji too,- she thought with a smile, -then we can go to the hotel... forget the dance.-
She pushed a button on the side of the right control yoke and a gray helmet slid forward, moving over her head. As it became active, her face was lit by a soft green glow. "Target acquired," a soft female voice whispered in her ear, "calculating trajectory. Target out of range... recommend advancing to closer location."
Asuka frowned, ignoring the droning voice as it continued to recommend courses of action and instead focused on the small, dancing dot in the viewfinder.
"Come on..." she whispered, "hold still..." She knew that the target was not actually moving, but rather, the entire planet was... but she was still frustrated. This was supposed to be a night of fun and passion - and here she was trying to swat a bothersome insect from goodness-knows how far away.
She was just thinking how unfair it was that they would not get to do 'the fun stuff' as she liked to put it, when the viewfinder blinked 'LOCKED'.
"Well how about tha-" her happy exclamation turned into a scream as a piercing white light flooded her vision. She felt something push into her mind, "NO!!" she cried out, "Don't come into me!!"
"Asuka?" Shinji's bewildered voice reached her, but she was unable to answer as she felt the... presence, slide further into her - she immediately equated it with the first time she had been with Shinji, including the pain.
She screamed, "Get out of my mind! God... OH GOD! IT'S RAPING MY MIND!!!"
**
Everyone in the control room froze as Asuka's scream rang out, then they all moved at once.
"What's happening? Is it a beam weapon?" Misato yelled, "Get me some answers, DAMNIT!!"
"Negative," Hyouga called back, "no heat emissions detected!"
"It's attacking her mind directly," Ritsuko whispered in horror, "it's forcing its way inside her thoughts..."
Asuka screamed again and pulled the triggers on the control yokes, hoping that the angel was still lined up... knowing she would not get another shot.
The rifle boomed twice, sending bolts of energy up into the sky.
"No good!" Hyouga reported, starting to sweat, "It's out of range, she can't hit it!"
"NO!!" Asuka cried, pulling the trigger again and again, "Get OUT OF ME!!!"
Misato's mouth fell open as the red mecha contorted in pain and continued firing... every shot landing with devastating force on Tokyo-3.
"Hits reported on blocks E, G, K, and R4," Hyouga's voice was frantic, "there are casualties..." His eyes widened, "Oh God..." he whispered, "she hit one of the shelters..."
"Eject her plug!" Misato yelled, "We've got to get her out of there before she destroys the city!"
"No good!" Maya was shaking her head, "The signal can't get past the angel's energy field."
Finally the huge rifle ran out of ammo, just as Unit 02 threw its head back and screamed with inhuman agony.
"Requesting permission to return fire..." Touji said tensely, "I have it in my sights." He waited for a moment, "Requesting permission to fire!" he yelled.
Shinji was screaming, "Asuka!! ASUKA!!! Please!! PLEASE, FATHER!! Let me help her!!!" He yanked on the control yokes, willing Unit 01 to respond, "COME ON!!!" he screamed in frustration, "MOVE!!!"
"The pilot brought it on herself," Gendou said coldly, ignoring his son's pleas, "her pride will be her downfall."
Fuyutsuki leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Ikari... it is too early to lose Unit 02, we still need it."
Gendou nodded minutely, "Of course, you are correct," in a louder voice he commanded, "Unit 03, you have clearance. Fire at will."
"It's about fucking TIME!!!" Touji yelled. He focused his attention on the tiny dot, waiting to see the word 'locked' appear in his scope. When it did, he held his breath and squeezed the triggers, -Hang on, Asuka!- he thought.
Green fire licked from the barrel of the positron cannon, the kickback pulverizing the building directly behind Unit 03.
Touji smiled as he watched the energy beam's progress on his monitor, -That looks dead center to me...- he thought.
The shot bounced harmlessly off of the angel's AT field.
"No..." Touji whispered, his smile falling away.
"Unit 03," Gendou spoke with some energy, as his plan came together, "continue firing. Rei... go to Terminal Dogma and get the Lance."
Fuyutsuki looked taken aback, he composed himself and leaned over his old friend's shoulder again, "The committee will not sit still for this, Ikari... you risk too much."
Gendou did not turn to him, "Great risks must be taken in order to reap great rewards."
"But, sir..." Misato spoke, confused, "I heard that if an EVA comes in contact with Adam it will cause Third Impact... please don't do this!" Gendou said nothing, just continued to stare at her with a small smile, -I see...- Misato thought bitterly, turning away, -another lie...-
"Understood..." Rei whispered as she willed Unit 00 forward off of the catapult. Though Asuka's screams filled her ears, they did not affect her as much as Shinji's. His screams of anguish tore at her like tiny fingers, making her push Unit 00 harder than she had dared to before.
It was not that Rei did not care about what was happening to Asuka, because she did not dislike the girl as Asuka disliked her (honestly, the redhead's opinion of her meant nothing to her), but Shinji... he was another story.
She hated to see him in pain, and went to great lengths to ensure that he was safe at all times. -I will stop this...- she thought as she moved the blue mecha swiftly, almost recklessly, towards Terminal Dogma.
In the command room, Maya whispered, "Sempai? You wanted to know if Rei's sync rate shot up again like it did during the last training? Well, it is now... seven points."
Ritsuko leaned over her desk, "Make sure a copy of the battle tape - including this data - gets to me, understood?"
Maya nodded, making a note on her computer as Rei continued to race through the compound, now moving Unit 00 at its top speed.
"Please, Shinji..." she whispered, "please calm down... I will make it alright..."
The air inside Terminal Dogma became hot as Unit 00 began to blur, moving faster than it was ever designed to.
"Unit 00 just became supersonic..." Maya whispered, "just like Unit 01 against the tenth angel."
Ritsuko reached over her shoulders and tapped a quick sequence on the keyboard. "No, it didn't..." she said, her voice low and firm as she held Maya's eyes. Finally the younger woman blinked and looked away.
"Yes, Sempai..." she whispered as the image of Unit 00 practically flying through the wide space of Terminal Dogma disappeared from her screen without a trace.
**
"Shin...ji..." Asuka gasped, her body arching off of the pilot's chair as more images from the past stormed through her mind.
Everything that made her HER was laid bare before her mind's eye... and she knew her love could do nothing to shield her - but still she cried out for him, hoping... needing... praying, that he would find a way to save her. -You're always... always so strong...- she thought, trying to escape the bombardment of pictures and feelings as they became more intense, building towards a single dark event in her past. -Please...- she begged, mentally shying away from what she knew was coming, -please save me...-
But he could not.
"ASUKA!!!" Shinji was openly sobbing now, pulling with all of his might on the two butterfly controls, "Please..." he begged, "please, someone save her..."
In Unit 04's entry plug, Hikari was crying. "Oh GOD!!!" she screamed brokenly, "Make it stop!!!" -I'm sorry, Asuka!!- The thought tore through her, -I'm sorry!!- She slammed her hands over her ears and wept as one thought rang over and over through her mind, making her fell dirty and ashamed, -I'm glad it's you and not me...-
Touji kept pulling the trigger... unwilling to give up... unable to help... "Die, damn you!!" he cried, his voice breaking, "DIE!" The rifle discharged again, another bolt of energy tearing through the heavens... only to be deflected.
And then Rei was there.
"Catapult nineteen activated," Hyouga called out, "Unit 00 approaching the surface... its got the Lance."
"Rei!" Misato's voice came to her through a dull, pulsing haze of rage, "Don't throw yet, you have to wait for the Magi to calculate the angle of deflection and compensate for the rotation of-" Rei clicked off the feed from the command room and focused on one private channel.
"I do not need them," she whispered, her lips pulled away from her teeth in a snarl as she listened to Shinji's sobs, "they are not necessary... for me..."
All eyes were locked onto the monitor as the blue mecha breached the surface, shooting several hundred feet into the air. Since her feed was off, no one heard Rei's animalistic scream as the great humanoid figure twisted in mid-air, bringing the Lance of Longinus up in one swift movement and throwing it as hard as it could, causing a small clap of thunder in the immediate vicinity as it tore the very air around it apart.
Unit 00 fell back to the ground as the Lance streaked skyward to find its target and end the suffering that it was causing, "For you," Rei whispered gently, touching the small screen that read Feed from Unit 01 softly and ignoring the Lance's progress, "always for you..."
Through Rei was unaware of it, Unit 00 nodded as if satisfied... and in a tank marked Prime, deep under her feet... a dark haired girl smiled.
**
Central Dogma was quiet, and had been for the past five minutes. The lance had struck dead center, ending the attack immediately, and Asuka had stopped crying seconds later... though the occasional sob could still be heard from Shinji in Unit 01.
Misato shook herself, breaking out of her dark thoughts, "Unit 03, return to base.... Asuka?" she said quietly, "can you bring Unit 02 back to the cage?"
Asuka's voice was lifeless, "Yes." Unit 02 began to move ponderously toward the waiting cage.
"Rei, assist Unit 02 in returning-" Misato began.
"NO!" Asuka's voice was filled with rage, "I can do it myself!!"
Rei was unfazed, "I will follow Unit 02 and assist if necessary."
Asuka found that she was too tired to argue the point any further, -Of course... of course SHE would follow orders...- She used the last of her remaining strength to get the EVA back to its cage, then collapsed into tears as the elevator began to descend.
**
Shinji found Asuka as soon as he was released from Unit 01's plug. She was sitting in the middle of a square marked off with bright yellow tape that screamed: QUARANTINE! DO NOT CROSS!! Watching Unit 02 as it was returned to its cage.
He gathered himself, wiping away the last of his tears, and called out to her, "Asuka! Are you ok?" She did not reply, "Asuka!! Please... please talk to me..."
Asuka did not turn to face him as she spoke, "No, Shinji," her voice was cold... and filled with hurt, "I don't want to see anyone... not even you. Just... just leave me alone!"
His face registered surprise, and his hands balled into fists, -I know the angel invaded her mind somehow... but they said she should be fine.-
Asuka was rocking back and forth, shivering as she clutched her legs close to her chest. "It doesn't matter..." she whispered quietly, "nothing matters anymore... just useless..."
-I can't... I can't just watch her suffer!- Shinji thought with a frown. He stepped forward, ducking under the tape, and wrapped his arms around her.
Asuka began to struggle fiercely, "No!! No, don't touch me!! I... I'm unclean... Shinji please..."
Shinji looked at her, "I won't let you go, Asuka, no mater what the Angel did, I-"
"You don't understand!!" she cut him off, still trying to pull away, "It isn't the angel, it's what the angel made me remember... I remembered my mother... and... and I remembered that she tried to kill me... that she asked me to die with her..." She intensified her efforts to get away, "and I remembered... I remembered that it was my fault..."
He held her tightly, ignoring her struggles to get away from him. "Why, Asuka?" He whispered, pulling back slightly so he could meet her eyes.
She stopped fighting and spoke quietly, her voice cracking, "Because..." she looked back at him, her eyes streaming with tears, "because I said 'Yes', Shinji... I said yes..."
Shinji's eyes widened as she went on, "I begged her to take me with her... to kill me too... if only... if only she would look at ME, and not that stupid doll!! I gave up on living, Shinji, do you understand? All I wanted was to be with my mama, and so I gave up..."
Shinji held her closer, and whispered, "Asuka... you were only seven..."
She tried to get away again, scared of opening herself completely, scared of seeing pity in his eyes, "It doesn't matter!" she screamed bitterly, "I wanted to die..." her voice dropped to a whisper, "Some days I still do..."
"You don't mean that," he said, shaking his head, "You-"
"YES I DO!" she screamed, more tears running down her cheeks, "And I want you to let me go right NOW!!" She twisted in his arms, but he refused to release her.
Shinji held her without saying anything for a few minutes, waiting for her tears to abate. Once they had he spoke gently, "Asuka... do you love me?"
She stopped struggling, her breath ragged, "Do I-"
He cut her off quietly, "Because I love you, and I want you to be with me - no matter what."
She started to cry again, "But... but I'm not worthy of-"
He pressed his finger against her lips tenderly, "Shhh... yes... you are. It doesn't matter what happened before, all that matters is now... if you love me..." He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes, "do you love me?"
She studied his eyes, expecting to see pity, but only finding love.
Something broke inside of her, something buried so long ago that she was not even aware of it until just then. From the depths of her soul... from the farthest reaches of her mind... from the deepest recesses of her heart - everything that she was screamed, "YES!!"
She collapsed into his arms, clinging to him like a drowning person would cling to a scrap of driftwood. Asuka Langley Souryu, angel slayer, designated pilot of Evangelion Unit 02, and self-proclaimed toughest girl alive, wept like never before. Cleansing her soul of all the age-old self-loathing and all the doubt in the arms of the man that she loved more than life itself.
To be continued
Author's notes: As Strike Fiss said in his incredible fiction, Higher Learning, "I don't know ANY fanfic-writer who doesn't dread having to write about Asuka's mind-rape. Especially if they have to describe it." He was right, that was one of the hardest things I've ever done... and I still couldn't bring myself to describe it - it was just too hard (also, the idea for having Touji use the positron rifle came from this same story... sorry... but it seemed too good to pass up.). I wrote the end of this Chapter before the beginning, because I had a very clear idea of what I wanted to happen in it and I didn't want to get side tracked. The end scene and the one in episode 21 where Misato cries and Shinji does nothing about it, are the two that bother me the most out of anything in Evangelion (aside of the movie's end, but I'll talk about that later). Twice, Shinji is given the opportunity to comfort someone that he loves, and twice he shies away from it. In my mind, this is what people are talking about when they say Shinji is a coward. I've always thought that Shinji could be strong if he needed to (as evidenced by the scene in the beginning of episode 19, when he threatened to trash the base... and later in the episode where he returns to save everyone), and I thought that these two scenes were not continuous with his pre-established pattern of helping other people (like cleaning Rei's room, or refusing to fight Unit 03, or jumping into an active volcano to save Asuka, or, or, or...). I've said it before, and I will say it again: the characters in Evangelion are so well defined and written that they seem real... and one of my purposes in writing this whole story was to try and show how things might have been with just a few alterations. If it all comes off as a bit WAFFy, that's just because I wanted to see them happy for a change... it's the only way I can make it up to them (in my mind anyway) for all the pain and suffering of the last few episodes and the movie.
Thanks to Ryoma for pre-reading.
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com