Notes: Inspired by "The Good Girl". Un-betaed by anyone else but me.
Pairing: RuHana/HanaRu, hint of Hana/Haruko
Genre: Shonen-ai
Warnings: Contains character death


Entranced
By Dementia_12

How long would it take you to catalogue the disappointments in your life?

In my life, I can count about six or eight people who I've counted amongst my best and closest friends. It takes me less than a minute to remember a time when I felt alone in their presence because they've disappointed me somehow.

Either I've thought too much of them or just needed them in a way they didn't need me, but I always ended up the same.

Standing alone, on the precipice of my existence, gazing off into a mesmerizing and all too familiar nothingness.

When I met you, you were like a story for me to unfold. Trials and tribulations, chaos and mystery enveloped you like a sheath I wanted to peel away from you so I could see you raw. I felt connected to you right away; something in your eyes echoed a similar misery with the way your life had turned. Grey mundane had shaded your days for far too long and my eyes resonated that lack lustrous back to you.

You were a calling.

I was seeing someone at the time, bound to her really, but that could never compare to the moments we shared together in secret. Any animosity we had once participated in was wiped clean as we learned of each other.

We were the same.

And part of me wanted to destroy you because of it.

The other part of me was illuminated by you.

That part that cradled my gently, whispered hypnotically in my ear...the part that fucked me sweetly and screamed my name into the night like it was the answer to your salvation.

You knew me too well.

And that's why we came to this.

I couldn't go with you. I couldn't leave my life behind, Rukawa.

It was mediocre, it was sad, and it's the world I've created for Haruko and myself.

I couldn't let you tell her but more crucially was the fact that I couldn't let you go on without me.

That life.... That glamorous beacon shining in the great beyond...that was ours to share.

Ours; not yours or mine.

I know we agreed but I couldn't do it. Even when I saw the indigo flame of life in you leave from your precious eyes, I couldn't follow. You died for our pact and I lived because the life I was drowning in wasn't done with me yet. And I knew that.

But I wish had known that a moment before the blast.

I disappoint myself.

~Owari~