A/N: Okie.. this is one of scant few fics I've actually finished. I was inspired by a strange conversation with mah sweetie, Mattkun. A One-shot fic, just thought it was funny.
All characters belong to SEGA. I own nothing except gross crème filled egg candies which I don't want. I'll give them to you if you want.. Please r/r!
If You Give An Eggman An Egg
(kinda) The Story of Sonic CD
If you give an Eggman an egg, he'll probably turn evil. Once he's turned evil, he'll probably want to take over the world or become CEO of SEGA of America. If he tries to become CEO of SEGA of America, he will be publicly bludgeoned to death with plastic SEGA Genesis cartridges in the streets by video game purists, so he will probably decide to be an evil doctor, instead. If he becomes an evil doctor instead, upon finishing his Evil PhDs in Megalomania and Metallurgy, he'll surely try to take over the world. If he tries to take over the world, a blue hedgehog named Sonic will stop him. When the blue hedgehog called Sonic stops him, it will probably infuriate him. In his fury, he will probably make a poor quality robot to beat the blue hedgehog, Sonic. When the blue hedgehog Sonic sends the poor quality robot back to the doctor in pieces, he'll surely become further enraged, and start to pull out his hair which was already scant after completion of his Evil PhDs. After he finishes building a robot to clean up his hair all from over the floor, he'll certainly build a better robot to beat the blue hedgehog, Sonic. However, the blue hedgehog Sonic will prove this robot to also be of low quality by sending it back in more pieces, this time. When the doctor discovers this, he will become still angrier, and he'll tear out more of his dwindling hairs. When the hair-cleaning robot finishes his work, the doctor doubtlessly will set to work on this time a whole fleet of low-to-medium quality robots, which the blue hedgehog Sonic outwitted and destroyed with ease, sending them back in hundreds of bits and pieces of broken robot. Once he had done this, the doctor exploded with rage and devised a smarter plan, using his Evil know-how. He discovered a fatal flaw in his earlier attempts, and sought to correct it, immediately. He set to work attempting to build this time, a high quality robot. The high quality robot would look like the blue hedgehog Sonic, but hopefully, will be faster, and smarter, and better than him. Once the robot was finished, the doctor called the new high quality robot Metaru, because if you couldn't tell by now, he has a metal fetish. Go figure. When the Evil Doctor sent Metaru away, Metaru came back, not with the blue hedgehog Sonic all bloodied and dead, as he'd hoped, but a pink hedgehog called Amy Rose, who was quite alive and very loud and annoying. The Evil Doctor was at first angered by this, but then decided (using his Evil know-how acquired from his Evil Studies at the University of Evil) that he could lure the blue hedgehog Sonic into a trap using Amy Rose as bait. He tossed Metaru a piece of egg-shaped candy, and pat him on the head, saying "That'll do, Chicken.. That'll do." He then ate the rest of the egg-shaped candies himself, making him more egg-like in girth, and made Metaru sad, because he liked those candies. Dr. Eggman was very proud of himself, and gave himself a pat on the neck, because he couldn't reach his back, and built a medium quality robot to follow him around and tell him how smart he was. It wasn't long before the blue hedgehog, Sonic showed up as the Evil Doctor had expected him to. But instead of killing or hurting him severely as he'd hoped the hordes of worse-than-low quality-to-medium quality robots would do, they all went boom, because the blue hedgehog Sonic was faster, and smarter, and better than the average hedgehog, and also because those robots were lame. As the Evil Doctor watched from his impressive high-tech security system surveillance cameras, he pulled his mustache this way and that in anger, as he had no hair left. Soon, Sonic had destroyed all the useless robots and had them recycled to make beverage cans for Coca-Cola and Asahi Biiru. Dr. Eggman grew more upset by this, because he did not like Coca-Cola, and preferred Eggnog (Are you scared, yet?). Finally, the Evil Doctor sent Metaru out to fight the blue hedgehog Sonic, after promising if he won, he'd buy Metaru more egg-shaped candies, and be more considerate about eating them in the future. He was still upset about the last time he did the Evil Doctor a favor. But you would, too. Wouldn't you? I would.. 'cause that's just mean. Unless they're those nasty crème filled candies, cause those are gross. But anyway, after the blue hedgehog Sonic kicked Metaru's aluminum ass all the way to the Coke factory and back and then to Asahi Biiru Brewery, but it smelled funky there, so he kicked Metaru's ass back to Eggman's base, and back to the Coke factory and then back to Eggman's base, and finally back to the Coke factory, because that's where he was supposed to have left him, but he'd gotten carried away. Eggman was sad, and threw his robot that used to pick up his hair in the trash, because he had none, now. Sonic came back to save Amy Rose, and Little Planet, and the little robot Dr. Eggman had made to tell him how smart he was said "You're so smart, Dr. Eggman!" And Sonic stepped on him on the way out. Angry, and disappointed, and very tired, Eggman realized how hungry being evil made him. Grumbling, and in a very egg-like fashion, he walked to his egg-shaped metal refrigerator, and pulled the door open, peering inside, listening to the rumbles of his egg-shaped stomach. "Yes," he muttered, scratchily. "I could really go for a nice egg."