Consequences

by LinZE

Kind of C/7,J/C and all the usuals. Chakotay starts afresh but can he cope with the consequences? (Rating solely for emotionally charged adult situations)

CONSEQUENCES

Author: LinZE

E-mail: voyager_obsessive@yahoo.co.uk

Disclaimer:  All hail thee mighty lord that is Paramount.  In case anyone was in any doubt I don't own any of the characters or general paraphernalia used here (apart from those made up on the spur of the moment).  But in all honesty no offence meant and no profit to be made.

Summary:  Kind of C/7,J/C and all the usuals.  Chakotay starts afresh but can he cope with the consequences?  Its quite angsty  (it's J/C of course it is!)

Rating: PG-13 (not much but like I said angsty)

Authors Note:  See end.

Chapter 1

            "Those two are about as subtle as Neelix!"  Said Tom Paris leaning close over the table and whispering so only his two companions would hear him.

"Hypocrite!"  Responded Harry smiling maliciously at the couple that sat opposite him.

"You've got to admit though," B'Elanna began. "Our situation was slightly different – there wasn't a third party involved."  This engendered silence.

"I don't know, I was totally convinced they'd get it together eventually but," Tom paused not knowing quite sure what to say.  He glanced over and saw the Commander flash his quadrant-famous dimples at his lunch companion.

"They do seem happy."  Harry commented.  "I just feel sorry for the Captain.  I know they haven't made it public yet but they must realise that everyone on board is taking about them – it's only a matter of time before she finds out."  Tom never stopped marvelling at his friend's innocence.  Janeway was anything but naive and if he knew her half as well as he thought she would be well aware of the situation.  How she would react however was up for debate.

"I think she probably knows already."  Said B'Elanna.  "She knows Seven too well not to realise something's up and I don't think the addition is beyond her.   I have to admit though I think I might have preferred or former-drone before she caught a dose of love sickness."  She was right.  Seven of nine had definitely changed.  Her humour was improving slightly and he could have sworn that he had caught her smiling on more than one occasion recently. 

Tom looked up as the doors opened and as much as his instincts were expecting to see someone else it was Tuvok who entered.  All three watched as he lifted his eyes from the report he was reading and looked for an empty table.  They watched as his gaze fell upon the couple that sat leaning forward so much their foreheads were almost touching absorbed in some deeply private discussion that had them both grinning.  He paused, a brief moment of disapproval obvious even without a change in his facial features.  He turned on his heel and left.  Harry sighed and B'Ela ran a hand through her hair.

"Well however it turns out there are going to be some interesting dynamics amongst the Senior Staff."  He said scraping his plate clean.

"I better get going."  His wife told him, clambering past. "I haven't even started this months engineering reports and the Captain wants them this evening so she can look over them before the meeting tomorrow morning."

"I'll see you when you get back then."  Tom told her kissing her check softly as she pulled away."

"So-long."

"So-long Starfleet."

            Kathryn Janeway downed the last of her coffee.  She was convinced that it had cooled prematurely but on the other hand she had no idea how long had transpired since she had replicated it.  She put down her PADD and rubbed her eyes.

"Computer, time."

"Oh-hundred hours and thirty five minutes."  The sedate voice told her.  She leaned back in her chair stretching her arms above her head.  She flinched as she heard the vertebrae in her back pop.  She guessed that a lifetime of sitting up straight didn't always do you good.

"Replicator, coffee – hot – black" She walked round the front of her desk to collect the pick-me-up.

"Unable to comply.  Insufficient replicator rations."

"Damn it!"  She hissed in an uncharacteristic outburst.  She tried leaning back on the desk but the surface was so covered with stacks of reports that she didn't have much success.  A bolt of electricity flashed through her head as the door chime sounded.  She rubbed her temples and returned to her seat as she responded.

"Come."  The doors opened to reveal B'Elanna. 

"Sorry these are so late."  The half Klingon apologised indicating the stack of reports she cradled.

"Don't worry – I amn't finished by a long shot."  This time she swept her arm over her desk to indicate the stacks of reports and proposals that littered it.

"Is it absolutely necessary you read all of those?"

"You never know unless you do – or someone else does."   She realised as soon as she said it that her words had connotations her conscious certainly hadn't intended."

"I'm sorry B'Elanna.  I'm apparently not in a very good mood tonight – or this morning."  She ran a hand through her hair; it was driving her slowly insane.

"Look," The Chief Engineer began.  "Why don't I run through these with you?  It'll give you something different to do and probably wouldn't take as long."

"You don't want to spend half your night with me when you've got someone waiting for you at home."

"Don't count on it! The last I heard he and Harry were headed for Sandrine's."  Both women smiled at this.

"Then if you're sure, I'd be really grateful."

"No problems."

"In that case the only thing I would suggest is a change of location.  I hear Neelix has been experimenting with caffeine again and with my ration account that can only be good!"

            She had been right.  The reports didn't take nearly as long to go through as they would have for the Captain to have read and she had been able to skip over any information that she deemed insignificant.  Needless to say the mess hall was completely deserted as the two women had waded through the mounds of data.  B'Elanna hadn't really ever grasped just how much time a Captain had to spend sitting behind a metaphorical desk reading reports.  She couldn't possibly do all this every month.  She thought about the number of reports and requests she regularly fired off to the Captain.  They all came back relatively quickly with either her or Chakotay's approval.  That was where the problem was she figured. Tom had said that Chakotay had almost sprinted off the bridge at the end of the shift with even a by your leave to Janeway who had retreated to her ready-room.

"Captain," She began hesitating slightly.

"B'Elanna – it's almost two in the morning and this place is deserted, I think Kathryn would suffice."

"Yeah, sure."  She replied slightly taken a back.  She didn't dismiss the gesture.  "Do you usually do all this yourself?"  She watched closely as the older woman smiled slightly forlornly.

"It depends.  When we've had a month like this it usually ends up with working breakfasts, lunches, dinners and evenings for the command team but," She was obviously slightly uncomfortable.  She took a deep breath and looked up from the floor where her eyes ad been firmly planted. "I would never deny any of my crew the right to a social life."   The engineer caught her Captain's gaze for a moment.  If there had been any doubt in her mind that she didn't know it had vanished now.  There was an almost hollow like quality to Kathryn's eyes that made her feel she had been taking instruction from Tuvok.  She had heard talk of her ability to distance herself emotionally from a situation but this had to be the perfect example.  It was soon gone though as she smiled briefly and returned to her work.

"Tuvok offered to help but I know from experience that he doesn't approve of my filing system."  Her lopsided grin returned as they both looked at the disarray of the table in front of them.  They burst into laughter.  She realised that Janeway was trying to relieve the tension but she had to admit it was funny.

"Look I don't think any amount of this coffee substitute is going to let me concentrate enough to get anymore done.  Lets call it a night."  B'Elanna nodded in agreement.  "Thanks again, and not just for the reports."

"Like I said.  No problem and if you ever," She couldn't believe she was saying this! "Well, want to talk – or hire a good hit woman – you know where to come."

            Seven was having to fight slightly harder than usual to keep from grinning.  She had spent the evening with Chakotay on the holodeck.  They had had dinner on the shore of the lake – he had packed a picnic.  She had been surprised at what relatively mundane things like eating could become when they involved him.  He was not what she had expected to find attractive but now she couldn't possibly deny what her body was telling her – whether he was over emotional and irrational or not - she loved him.  At least that was what she attributed her peculiar feelings to.  She approached the turbo-lift and found him waiting for her.  He looked nervous.

"Is there something wrong?"  She asked concerned that she was at fault.

"No, nothing."  He brushed her worry off with a smile.  Those dimples are really something.  She thought as she shuddered slightly.  After quickly taking another look around he placed an arm round her waist and pulled her into the lift.

"I've missed you."  He whispered into her ear.

"We were only apart for eight hours."  She pointed out trying to remain distant.  He pulled her close to him and she could feel his heart beat through the thin fabric of her cat suit.

"But for me it was like a life-time."  He placed his lips gently down on her neck caressing her soft skin.  Even this was enough to send her own heart racing.  He had been kind and compassionate, aware that she had missed out on that stage of her education while part of the collective.  He would not rush her, she knew that, but she also knew that it would not be long before she couldn't resist.

"Maybe we should go into the briefing separately."  She suggested trying to keep her voice steady as he moved his hands across her back.  She leaned forward and planted her full lips over his tattoo before tracing it delicately with her forefinger.

"I think that would be pretty much pointless.  They all know and we'll be there before Kathryn anyway."  She didn't answer, or rather couldn't as her mouth was otherwise occupied.

            They walked the short distance from the lift to the briefing room hand in hand.  The door swished open to reveal what they had expected.  They were the last to arrive except for the Captain.  Seven felt Chakotay squeeze her fingers one last time before they headed to their separate seats.  But they paused as she turned and smiled at him.  It was then she heard someone clear their throat behind them.

"Excuse me for interrupting," Came the slightly husky tones of Kathryn Janeway.  She smiled at them. "But some of us have got other places we need to be getting to so -" They instantly split up and the former drone headed for her place convinced that her face was bright crimson.  The meeting didn't actually last any longer than usual but this time it was Seven who felt it was a lifetime.  But then again she didn't have any reason to be embarrassed.  None of them did.  It wasn't as if Chakotay was cheating on the Captain because they hadn't ever done anything – they were friends that was all.  If she was going to let this spoil everything then she wasn't the woman Seven thought she was.

            Chakotay stared resolutely at the PADD in front of him.  He felt like a naughty schoolboy who had been caught behind the hover-bike sheds.  He didn't know why – Kathryn had smiled at them even teased them with a comparison to the other couple on the Senior Staff.  She didn't give any impression that she was less than pleased for them.  Maybe that would explain his feelings.  The last seven years of his life he had been consumed with love and admiration for her but she had always knocked him back, never flinching from her commitment to her ship and her crew.  Maybe she wasn't upset because his feeling had been unrequited, maybe she really hadn't felt anything for him after all and it was all in his imagination. 

"If that's everything then I think we're finished."  He heard her say.  There was a general clatter of chairs as the assembled group made to leave.  When they were alone he turned and looked at her.

"Kathryn," He began not entirely sure what he was going to say but feeling he ought to do something.

"Chakotay, you don't owe me an explanation.  I hope you'll be very happy.  I know you'll be the envy of virtually every man on board."  With this she stood up, placed her characteristic hand on his forearm and left.  This simple gesture still sent a bolt of electricity through him.

Chapter 2

Tom Paris made his way across their quarters as quietly as he could and opened the door.  He didn't want to wake up B'Ela since she was on the late shift this week.  There were one or two people making their way down the corridor and he nodded to them, usually adding a comment on their latest efforts in one of his many 'pools'.  As he approached the door to the Commander's quarters opened and he and Seven came out.  They embraced and kissed good-bye outside the door before they parted ways.  It wasn't the first time he had seen this ritual since she had moved in with him two weeks ago.  He still found the whole thing kind-of bizarre.  The Captain seemed to be taking it in her stride, or at least was doing a very good job of creating that impression.  However, although they seemed to still be friendly towards each other, their flirting and the atmosphere it had created on the bridge was gone.  Proceedings had also put a dampener on most of the wagers he tended to do best business on – first kiss in public; who would stay at whose; in her ready-room or on the holo-deck?  You named it Tom had odds for it.  He hung back slightly not particularly inclined to start a conversation with either of them.  There had been one or two interesting proposals from the crew as to some new ones though, most ran something like which female would hit the other first.  B'Elanna had not been impressed at that.  His wife had known the Commander for a long time – longer than anyone else on board now that Seska was gone, but over the last month her opinion of him had seemed to have fallen several notches.

"Deck 11."  He said absentmindedly as he entered the lift barely remembering his duty shift was with the doc and not on the bridge.  Lanna seemed to be completely abhorrent at his recent behaviour to the point where she would pointedly choose to sit on her own rather than with him   He agreed that Chakotay hadn't exactly been overly sensitive over the last month or so but then he was hardly one to judge.  He new how easy it was to become completely wrapped up in one person.

            Kathryn stepped into the turbo-lift and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Bridge."  She said only just loud enough to activate the computer.  She had intended on getting an early start to try and make way through the backlog of paperwork that was once again collecting on her desk but she had slept through her alarm.  Now she would be lucky if she was there for the beginning of the alpha shift and on top of that her head was killing her.  She closed her eyes and tried rubbing her temples to relieve the pressure but she wasn't having much success.  When she opened them again she had to blink a few times before her vision cleared.  Hell this was no use she wasn't going to get anything done if she couldn't even see straight.

"Halt lift.  Sick-bay."  When she arrived she was surprised to find Tom there as well as the EMH.  She shouldn't have been.  Chakotay had handed her this week's duty rostra days ago – she just hadn't got around to reading it yet.

"Captain?  Are you OK?"  Asked the Doctor as he approached.

"I'm fine."  She responded pulling herself back to reality.  "I just had a bit of a headache."

"It must be quite something for you to come here voluntarily."  The doctor replied as he began to scan her.  As he passed the flashing tool in front of her eyes she felt another jolt of pain.  She raised a hand to her head as she tried to control her breathing.  "Hmm."  Said the Doctor.  Although she was sure that his voice was no louder than usual it sounded as though he was screaming into her ear.  She felt him take her elbow and lead her across the room to one of the bio-beds.  Normally she would have fought but she wasn't sure she would be able to stand up for much longer if this kept up.  She was only vaguely aware of what was going on until she heard a hypo spray hiss its release onto her neck.

"Thanks."  She said as the mist began to lift.

"So," He began his interrogation. "How have you been sleeping?"

"Not bad really."  She answered somehow knowing this wasn't going to pacify him.

"When did you stop working last night?"

"I'm not sure."  That was a lie but she had no intention of replaying to him.

"Computer, where was the Captain at twenty-hundred hours last night?"

"Captain Janeway was in her ready-room."  He raised his eyebrows at her but she wasn't going to crack.

"OK," The hologram continued.  "What time did the Captain arrive in her quarters yesterday evening or this morning?" He added as an afterthought.

"Captain Janeway entered her quarters at oh-one-hundred hours this morning."

"That doesn't prove anything."  She spat defensively.  He ignored her.  The pain behind her eyes was certainly less than before but it had acquired an unyielding throbbing quality.

"When was the last time you ate a proper meal?"  She knew this had been a mistake.

"She stood B'Elanna up last night."  Tom stepped in.  She had almost forgotten he was there.

"It really wasn't that simple and in any case I had lunch with three of the crewman from deck twelve."  This really wasn't getting them anywhere.  "Now thanks for the painkiller but I have to get going."  She stood up and almost had to push the hologram out of her way. 

"Captain!"  Protested the EMH.  She had almost reached the door when she realised that her head wasn't feeling quite as clear as she had at first thought.  She put a hand on the doorframe for support as bright lights started dancing before her eyes.

            Chakotay sat in his chair on the bridge scanning through Tuvok's latest security report.  The bridge was quiet without Tom's usual banter so when his comm. badge chirped he almost hit the ceiling.

"Doctor to Commander Chakotay." 

"Chakotay here.  What can I do for you?"

"I would like to speak with you as soon as possible."

"Of course.  Is there something I should know?"  He asked a hundred thoughts running through his head at once.

"I'll tell you when you arrive."  With that the hologram had shut the link.  He had sounded even harsher than usual thought the Native American as he handed the bridge to Tuvok and made his way to the turbo-lift.  He didn't meet anyone on his travels but he was glad of that as he almost flew down the corridor.  He paused outside the door trying to prepare himself for what the doctor might want to tell him but he really didn't know what to expect at all.  He had left Seven in perfect health that morning but he hadn't seen –

…He took the step forward that caused the doors to slide open and quickly glanced around the medical facility.   Tom was hovering near the bio bed in the corner of the room.  He couldn't make out a lot of the person lying on it but he caught a glimpse of a head of auburn hair.

"Commander."  The EMH's voice woke him from his frozen state.  He ignored him and headed toward her.  What had happened?  He had assumed that she had already been in her ready room when he arrived but apparently she hadn't.

"What, what happened?"  He asked as they arrived and he tried to regain control.  He wasn't sure why but he felt as if someone was reaching into his chest and squeezing his heart as it tried to race away.   She looked so pale lying there unmoving, eyes closed on top of the covers.

"Is she going to be alright?  What's wrong?"  He asked trying to get his priorities in order.

"Nothing overly serious." The Doctor said looking over the readouts above her bed.  "She's suffering from a migraine.  It should ware off within a couple of days if I let it take its course."

"What caused it?"  He asked trying to remember all he could about the ailment.

"Too much work, too much stress, not getting enough sleep, not eating enough – the usual when it comes to our Captain."  Somehow he realised that he meant more than he was actually saying.   "I've given her a pretty strong pain killer that's knocked her out but she wont be ready for duty again for at least forty-eight hours."  Chakotay nodded earnestly his concern still plain to see.  "And when I say duty I mean a regular shift rather than an eighteen hour stint."  He continued his holographic eyebrows rising.  He hadn't needed to though, Chakotay had already decided something needed to change – he couldn't believe how far it had already gone.

"Don't worry Doctor she wont lift a finger until you give her the OK.  You'll tell me when she wakes up?"

"Of course Commander although if you intend to keep your promise I would suggest you send Mr Tuvok down with an armed guard."

            Seven stood outside Chakotay's quarters and rang the bell for the second time.  She new he was inside – she had checked with the computer but she couldn't understand why he wasn't answering.  It was strange that he seemed to be spending less time with her over the last week or so, if anything she thought they were growing closer but then he had begun working late and telling her that he had 'too much to do,'. 

"Come."  Came his distracted voice from inside the room.  She walked in and looked around briefly before spotting him behind his desk and a stack of reports.

"Seven!"  He said sounding slightly shocked.

"I was under the impression that you were going to join me for diner this evening."  She watched as he checked the time on the portable interface.

"I'm sorry I didn't realise how late it was."  He apologised.

"It is of no consequence you can join me presently."  He glanced at the PAD in his hand then back at her.

"I really have to get these done.  It shouldn't take too long but I promised Kathryn I'd…"

"Oh, like that is it?"  She spat at him intrigued by the feeling that was rising within her.

"Like what Seven?  I'm only doing my job."

"I saw that you had lunch with her today."

"Seven we were working in the mess hall it was hardly a romantic encounter."  He was getting angry but she didn't see that he had any reason to be.

"Well you've spent more time with her than me over the last few days."  She crossed her arms defensively.

"Look, she was working herself into the ground and it was my fault for not doing my job properly.  You know I would love to spend every minute of every day with you, but sometimes work has to come first."  He had come out from behind the desk and now cupped her face in his hand.  She softened her posture as he leaned in and gently kissed her full lips.  When he pulled back he smiled at her his eyes twinkling.  "Well I suppose I could spare an hour or so."  He whispered into her ear as he planted delicate lips down her neck.  She folded and placing one hand on the small of his back laid her head on top of his.

"I can't wait until tomorrow at Sandrine's."  Was the last coherent statement he made that hour.

            It was mid-morning before B'Elanna had finished the inventory the Captain had asked her to complete.  It was a tedious task but it had to be done she supposed as she took a turbo-lift up to deck one.  Tom and Harry both smiled at her as she walked onto the bridge and she returned the gesture.  Chakotay smiled to but she ignored him.  She rang the chime and was immediately admitted into the Captain's ready room.

"Morning."  She said sounding reasonably chipper.

"Morning."  Replied Janeway glancing up from her work and smiling indicating that her visitor should take a seat.

"I brought the inventory you asked for."

"Thanks." She said taking the PAD and adding it to a stack of others.

"There really isn't anything particularly interesting in it."  This comment was met by a raised eyebrow.  She noticed that the Captain was looking slightly less tense than she had before her forced leave she supposed that maybe that ape, as she had taken to calling him, had started doing his job again.

"Tom and I were wondering if you were planning to come to the Karaoke night tonight?"  Janeway glanced away and smiled almost child-likely.

"I don't think so.  One I really don't think it sounds like my thing, and two the crew aren't going to relax and enjoy themselves if I'm there."

"They aren't the only ones who need to relax and enjoy themselves Captain."

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not going to take no for an answer?" 

"I'll come past for you at nineteen-thirty hours."  With that she left before her superior officer could complain.

            Harry had been one of the first to arrive to inspect his friend's work.  The basis was their regular haunt of Sandrine's but the pool table was gone and on the right of the room a small stage had been set up with a live band.  Tom handed him a drink as they took a seat at a table in the far corner.  Harry acknowledged many of his friends as they began to arrive and headed towards the bar.

"Here comes the Doctor."  He told his friend as the EMH appeared out of thin air.

"Hi Doc!"  Called Tom.  "Join us wont you?"

"Well Mr Paris, it doesn't look as if you have much competition."  He said pulling up a seat.

"Evening gentlemen."  Came the voice of the hotheaded chief engineer from behind his head.

"Hello honey, and you too B'Ela."  This comment forced the curious side of the young ensign to turn and see whom she had brought with her.

"Oh," He said involuntarily.  "Evening Captain."  He greeted, standing so the two women could take their seats behind the table.

"Harry," She acknowledged smiling at him warmly.  She was still wearing her uniform so he assumed that she had come straight from the bridge.  The Doctor was going to love that.

"Can I get you a drink?"  He found himself offering the two new arrivals.

"Orange juice thanks."  Replied B'Elanna.

"Chardonnay would be nice, but have this one on me." Said the Captain.  When Harry returned Tom had disappeared off and was standing next to the stage fiddling with something he had called a microphone.  Just before he began to speak he noticed the Commander and Seven of Nine slip in the door and sit at the nearest table.  He was unsure whether it was conscious or not but next to him he felt the Captain slide back further into the shadows.

"Good evening everyone!"  Came Tom's voice after a seconds crackling and static.  "And welcome to Voyager's very first karaoke night.  I can't believe it's taken us this long to get around to having one."

"I can!"  Came the voice of a heckler from somewhere in the crowd.

"Thanks for the vote of support Jon!  Don't forget my wife's your boss.  Just for that I'm going to kick off proceedings and give you a chance to peruse the selection of songs and sign yourselves up."

Harry wasn't sure what number Paris had finally decided on singing but he was sure that whatever it was it would be interesting.  He turned to the musicians and nodded at them to begin –

You say yes, I say no,

You say stop and I say go, go, go.

Oh no,

You say goodbye and I say hello, hello, hello.

I don't know why you say goodbye,

I say hello, hello, hello

I don't know why you say goodbye,

I say hello.

When he finished the table he would return to was laughing hysterically – Harry noted that even the Captain appeared to be enjoying teasing B'Elanna.

"I knew you could be difficult but…"  She began but Tom arrived back before she could finish.

"Well Mr Paris I'm impressed none of the mirrors smashed."  She continued throwing a lopsided grin at her chief-helmsman.

"Well if you were so impressed maybe we should hear what you have to sing for yourself."

"Maybe later."  She said glancing across the crowded room at her first officer.  He was sure that the troublemaker would have pushed further if he hadn't received a sharp elbow in the ribs from his wife.

            Tom had spent the last hour or so introducing performances from various members of the crew that varied in style as much as they did in quality.  He looked at the next name on his list – Seven.  Well at least you know she can sing!  His subconscious encouraged him.  He did the needful then handed her the mike.  Her stance was more natural than it had been in her early days as she signalled the pianist to begin.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,

You make me happy when skies are grey,

You'll never know dear, how much I love you,

So please don't take my sunshine away.

It was obvious that this rendition was most definitely for someone other than the Doctor, but to give her her due she sounded fantastic and the audience obviously agreed as they cheered as she made her way back to a rather pink faced Chakotay.  After that virtually all the performers sounded mediocre although Carey did a rather good rendition of a song called You and me baby aint nothing but mammals in the style of a Vulcan. Tom was impressed by his bravery even if neither of their resident masters of logic had deigned to come.  The Doctor was the next to give his talent an airing and treated them to a more innocent tune from a late twentieth century film, which happened to be one of Tom's personal favourites not that he would ever admit it.  It seemed quite appropriate really for a medic to sing of the Circle of Life. 

"The next person to grace the spot light tonight is one of the highest ranking members of the crew."  He began not entirely sure where he should be taking this.  "I'm not going to comment on what relation this will have to his musical talent but I am willing to take quotes once he's done that may, or may-not, be included in Neelix's review of proceedings for the morning news bulletin."  This raised the laugh he was hoping for and he left the stage clear for his XO.

When you're down and troubled,

And you need some love and care,

And nothing, no-how is going right,

Close your eyes and think of me,

Oh and soon I will be there,

To brighten up even your darkest night.

You just call out my name,

And you know wherever I am,

I'll come running to see you again.

Don't you know that winter spring summer or fall,

All you got to do is call,

And I'll be there, yes I will,

You got a friend.

The sound of the Native American's deep voice resonated around the room and as the MC took his seat at the crowded table he wondered if perhaps he was giving more away than he meant in his choice of song.  The emotion in his words couldn't be mistaken and he certainly directed it towards the obvious benefactor on the other side of the room but –

He glanced over at the Captain who had her eyes firmly fixed on the floor.  She obviously sensed his look though as she raised her head towards him and smiled before downing the remainder of her wine glass. 

She didn't know whether to be relieved or hurt when, as Chakotay left the stage, he was met halfway by the former drone and after a short embrace they both headed out of the door and no-doubt back to his quarters.

"What about another round Tom?"  She asked breaking the silence as he returned from the stage.

"On one condition," He began, catching not only her attention but also that of every-one at the tables.  "You do us a turn."  She thought about it.  Under any other circumstances she wouldn't have dreamt of it but most of the crew were beginning to peter away and she got the feeling that he wasn't going let her away with it.

"Very well.  But this is a one off – understand."  He grinned like a Cheshire cat.  "And I'll remind you now that it's been a long time since I had to sing in the school choir."  His smile didn't abate as he handed her a PADD with a list of artists and songs although she had a strange feeling she already had chosen the song she would sing tonight.  She was sure he bumped her up his list typical! As she was the next one to be beckoned to the side of the stage.  She was completely oblivious to his introduction as she selected her song on the hidden console that programmed the band.  The lights dimmed except a spot that fell onto a stool that sat centre stage.  She took the mike that Paris offered her and with out a word stepped out.  As the music began she perched on the stool catching the heel of one of her regulation boots on the bar between the legs.  She clasped the sound enhancing device on he lap.  Her palms were damp but her jacket already hung open and she didn't have time enough to worry about her nerves before her cue came.

I can't find a reason to let go,

Even though you've found a new love,

And she's what your dreams are made of.

I can find a reason to hang on.

What went wrong can be forgiven,

Without you it aint worth livin' alone.

Sometimes I wake up crying at night,

And sometimes I scream out your name.

What right does she have to take you away

When for so long you were mine?

Tom couldn't believe it and from the look of those around him neither could they.  The Captain's husky voice suited the country style perfectly and it seemed that singing was just another of her hidden talents.  What made it most difficult to believe though was the sincerity with which the words came.  She could almost be singing straight from the heart it took the next verse to remind him that what she was singing had been written a long time ago.

Took out all the pictures of our wedding day,

It was a time of love and laughter,

Happy ever after.

But even those old pictures have begun to fade.

Please tell me she's not real,

And that you're really coming home to stay.

Sometimes I wake up crying at night,

And sometimes I scream out your name.

What right does she have to take your heart away,

When for so long you were mine?

B'Elanna couldn't believe what was happening.  She had tried constantly over the last four weeks to get her to open up or even just to admit that she wasn't as happy for them as she made out.  But now she seemed to be pouring out her soul.  The words might not be one hundred percent accurate but the feeling behind them was certainly sincere enough.  The engineer had been keeping an eye on her the whole evening and she had seen what watching them together did to her even if she didn't see it herself.  The Doctor caught her eye now as for a brief second they glanced away from the performer, she found him hard to read but she new that he too had been concerned about Seven and her pairing, along with its repercussions.

I can give you two good reasons

And show you loves not blind –

He's two and she's four,

And you know they adore you,

So how can I tell them

You've changed your mind?

Sometimes I wake up crying at night,

And sometimes I scream out your name.

What right does she have to take your heart away,

When for so long you were mine?

I remember when you were mine.

Kathryn could hear her voice waver slightly as she sang the last line and even with her eyes closed she could feeling the hot prickle of tears beginning to form.  What have you done?  The command section of her asked accusingly.  She honestly didn't know why she had done it all she knew was that she wished she hadn't.  Even before the closing bars of the music she began standing up.  She smiled at the audience trying to convince herself as well as them that it was all an act.

"Goodnight."  She said before placing the microphone on the stool and heading towards the exit.  She wasn't even aware of the terrific round of applause that followed her.

            The Senior Staff sat back in their chairs still completely shell shocked.  The Doctor looked round as Harry was the first to pull himself together and speak.

"Well that just about covers it then, doesn't it?"  The only response he got was several Klingon obscenities from B'Elanna.  The only thing the hologram understood was some reference to an ape.

"Do you think someone should try and find her?"  Asked Neelix who had joined them during the course of the evening.

"I'll go."  Offered the engineer.  The Talaxian gave her a slightly strange look.  The EMH could understand why though, she was hardly known for her sympathetic manor and caring nature.

"Look this is most definitely a woman thing."  She explained and the doctor concurred.

"Computer," He spoke up. "Locate Captain Janeway."

"The Captain is in turbo lift three heading for deck one section one."

"The bridge?"  Queered Harry.

"No.  Her ready room.  I doubt she's going to want to head back to her own quarters knowing who's next door."  Tom pointed out.

"The poor soul."  Neelix commented quietly.  "I never thought that the Commander could be…"

"- Quite such a heartless, thoughtless pig?"  Supplied B'Elanna.

"Although in principle I agree with what you're saying Lieutenant, in this particular case I don't think that Commander Chakotay was even aware of the Captain's presence this evening.  If anything I would say that he has been thoughtless but, from my perspective it's clear to see that he is not intentionally setting out to hurt her."

"Hmmm," She conceded.  "He's still acting like a bloody targ.  I'm going to go.  Wish me luck – I have a feeling I'm going to need it if I'm going to get her to talk."

            B'Elanna couldn't decide whom she was angrier at; Seven for apparently being so completely unaware of what she had stumbled into; Kathryn for refusing to admit that it was breaking her heart or Chakotay just for being such a complete an utter asse.  She wanted to hit something, or someone, and her former captain was in the number one spot for that prize at the moment.  As she entered the bridge there were only a small number of the crew there to turn and look at her.  Tuvok sat in the command chair and she could tell from his expression, if Vulcans had such things, that he was concerned, if Vulcans could be.

"I'll explain later."  She whispered just loud enough for his astute hearing to pick up.  He nodded solemnly.  She rang the door chime already knowing that she wasn't going to get an answer.  After a few seconds she worked her Maquis magic and overrode the privacy lock.  The lights were low and it took her eyes a minute to adjust.  Looking around at first she couldn't see anyone and wondered if perhaps she had ditched her comm. badge but then a hollow voice spoke from a dark corner of the sofa.

"How can I help you Lieutenant?"  Great!  She thought.  The command face was back in place.  But even though she could hear that she was working hard at keeping her voice from giving her away.

"I just came by to see how you were."  There was little point in lying.  Janeway sat and stared resolutely at the stars as they speed past.

"I'm just fine."  She replied without much conviction.  B'Elanna sat down next to her followed her gaze out of the view port.  They stayed there in silence for several minutes before either of them said anything.  "I don't know what I was thinking."  Came the whispered statement.  "I can't believe I was so stupid."

"You weren't stupid."  She reassured her placing a hand on her arm.  "You did what we all need to do sometimes.  You admitted what you were feeling and expressed it."

"I didn't exactly choose the best moment did I?"

"I can think of people with worse timing if you honestly want to know."  She replied her mind firmly fixed on whom she was referring to.  At this Kathryn turned to face her.

"He really hasn't done anything wrong you know."  In the soft glow from the stars she could see the glint of tears expertly held back beginning to win the battle.  "I never told him how I felt, that I ever wanted us to be anything other than friends, so I had no right at all to expect him to wait."  She lost the battle as one after another tears began to slip down her cheeks.  B'Elanna reached out instinctively and wrapped her arms around her sobbing captain.

"Oh, Kathryn."  She comforted, feeling her pain as if it were her own.  "You don't have it easy do you?" After a few minutes the older woman pulled back and wiped her face dry.

"The ridiculous thing is that I know I couldn't have him even if…"  She trailed off.  "And I do really want him to be happy.  Both of them to be happy.  I think he's been really good for Seven; she's certainly become more in-touch with her human side.  And I certainly can't afford to let this ruin my relationship with my First Officer.  Replacements aren't to easy to find out here."  She finished smiling at the half-Klingon.

"Well you might be happy with the way he's acting but I'm not.  The whole ship knew that there was something between the two of you, even if it wasn't going to go any further.  Some things don't need to be said out loud and he's acting like a teenager who's just been offered a date with Miss Universe."  There was another pause, as she seemed to contemplate what she had just heard.

"I'm sorry about this."  Apologised her superior as she stood up trying valiantly to regain complete control.  "You must think I'm crazy."

"No I just think you're hurting but don't want to admit it.  But I want you to know that if you ever do want to talk I'll be there for you, we all will.  We don't respect you just because you always seem to be in control of everything all the time.  Part of what makes you the captain you are is that you are human."  With that she left her alone hoping that she had made a difference.

Chapter 3

            It had been almost three weeks since Lieutenant Torres had informed him of what had happened on the holodeck.  Tuvok had been as surprised as the rest of the officers at the slip in the Captain's mask.  He had known her a long time and respected her immensely.  He had always admired the very inhuman ability she had to repress her own emotions when she felt they would interfere with her work yet known when to follow her instincts.  However he was also aware that however well she imitated one on occasion, she was no Vulcan and that repressing emotions to the level he was sure she had reached now was going to do nothing but harm.  As he had already acquainted himself with the material that the meeting was going to be discussing he took the opportunity before the others arrived to mull over these thoughts.

"Right if we're all here."  Began the Captain as the last to arrive sat down.  "The long and the short of it is that we need to acquire some supplies sooner rather than later.  We've found a warp capable civilisation that seem willing to trade.  However, because this is us, it's not as simple as it would seem.  They're being slightly paranoid about the fact that Voyager probably could out gun their entire fleet.  So I've suggested that we send a shuttle to their home world to conduct the negotiations."  There was a general nod of agreement that it was a fairly sensible idea.  She continued.  "We haven't heard back from them yet, but I'm going to assume it's a yes.  B'Elanna's already given me the list of items that she needs and we could trade but until we've sorted out the problems with the plasma manifolds I think it would be sensible if she stayed on board.  Commander you can take Tom and Neelix if that's acceptable.  The Delta Flyer's in working order isn't it?"  She asked.  The Vulcan chose to ignore the smirk that crossed the pilots faced as he replied.

"It's as good as new."

"In that case," She said smiling as well.  "I want you to be ready to leave as soon as possible.  Seven has some information on the planets inhabitants for you so get that as well.  I wouldn't have thought you'd be away for anymore than a day or two so pack light."  There were a few other pieces of ships business that had to be discussed but soon they were finished.  They began to filter away and as Tuvok made to leave he had to step around the Commander and Seven were firmly entangled as if they were never going to see each other ever again.

            Tom stuck his head out of the closet to see his wife doing something she had proved to be very good at over the last couple of months, pacing up and down and berating the male of the species.

"I thought he was actually beginning to act his age!  But I mean what was the need for that display after the briefing?"

"Well the Captain didn't seem that bothered by it."  He tried to comfort her.

"She was, she's just to damn stoic to let it show.  I should know.  You didn't see her that night – it was like he had plucked her heart straight from her chest and she was going to carry on regardless because we needed her.  I don't care how she seems she shouldn't have to watch them constantly swooning over each other!"

"Look, why don't I try and talk to him when we're away?  I'm sure he'll understand."

"He better cause if he pulls another stunt like that, I will not be held responsible for my actions towards either of them!"  Tom picked up another uniform and carefully folded it into the capsule that held all his stuff for the trip.

"Go and pass me that comic would you?"  He asked indicating to the table on his side of the bed.  She did throwing it unenthusiastically so that it landed halfway across.  "You know, you seem to spend much more time thinking about that ape than me at the moment.  Maybe I should be getting jealous!"  He teased her.  She glared at him but it softened as he picked up his case and headed towards the door.

"What do you expect if you don't even give me a goodbye kiss?"

            After another six hours in engineering B'Elanna threw down her hypo spanner.  The clatter made Janeway look up from where she was lying underneath one of the consoles. 

"Now, now, if you're not careful I'm going to start charging you with malicious damage of my ship!"

"Sorry Captain.  I just can't see anything wrong with them, they just wont rise above sixty-five percent of peak efficiency."

"Frustrating isn't it.  Why don't we call it a night though – I don't think we're going to make any progress when we feel like this."

"Okay, why don't we grab some food?  I'm absolutely starving."

"Sounds like a plan."  Janeway agreed.  The two made their way down to the mess hall and found a table near the door.  "If Neelix's is away does that mean that the food should be better or worse than usual?  I'm trying to save my replicator rations."  She said as they headed up to the counter.

"Well, I'm willing to try it if you are."  B'Elanna agreed.  She had been slightly taken aback by the Captain's mood during the afternoon.  She had been frustrated about the manifold but she had been cracking jokes and flirting with some of the more forward members of her engineering crew.  Maybe it was just the fact of not having that ape on board for a while.  It was certainly different.  They took their time over their meal.  It had turned out that the Chef had left plenty leola root casserole to feed the crew for a week, but it could have been worse.

"I really should get going."  Janeway began.  "I have been judiciously avoiding the pile of reports that have been gathering dust on my desk."

"I don't know about that."  B'Elanna replied pushing her cutlery.  "It's almost twenty-one-hundred hours.  I could get in trouble with the Doc. if I let you go back up there."  They both laughed at this but their enjoyment was cut short as Janeway's comm. badge chirped.

"Janeway here."  She responded instantly sobering.

"Captain," Came Harry's voice from the bridge.

"I think you should get up here.  We've just received a distress signal and it's from the Delta Flyer."  The concern in his voice was plain to hear.

"I'll be right there."  She told him already halfway out of the door before she had cut the link.

            The Doctor had decided to join the Senior Staff in the Captain's ready room when she had called them, or those left on board, to conference.

"Voyager….Delta Fly…. …. attacked … ……. Unprovoked…warp down, communications failing………"  Although the message was full of static Tom's was easily recognisable.

"We received this about five minutes ago.  Harry's managed to trace it back to its originating contacts and we can be there in four hours at maximum warp.  We're going to go to yellow alert and maintain it until we know more. Until we get the message cleared up a bit we don't know what happened or whether they're alright, but we do know that they are perfectly capable of looking after themselves and that the Delta Flyer is as robust as they get."  Janeway said with conviction but the EMH could tell that there was some doubt in her mind. "I'm sure they'll be fine."  She added, probably just as much for herself as the others.

"But if they are not?" Came Seven's icy voice from the corner where she had sat quietly thus far.  The Doctor had a strange feeling that this wasn't going to be good.  "I find it hard to believe that I misjudged you so."  The former drone continued the venom from her words palpable as she stood and moved towards the Captain.  Tuvok stepped between them.

"Seven, this is…" He began trying to diffuse the situation.

"No."  This was Janeway.  Her voice calm and detached.  "Let her have her say."

"You sent him out there knowing that this would happen!  You could have sent someone else –you could have gone!  But no, you sent out Chakotay.  You decided that if you couldn't have him neither would I!"

"Seven!"  Torres shouted her anger visibly reaching boiling point.

"And he went without a word because you had asked him!  Just like you knew he would!"  By the time she had finished there was only the Captain's desk between them.  The taller woman staring down at the smaller.

"Is that what you truly believe Seven?"  Janeway asked no sign of anger in her voice, expression or eyes.  Just sorrow.

"Of course.  Why should I not if it's the truth!"  She spat back at her.  Lifting a petite hand the Captain prevented any further interference.

"Then I'm very sorry."  With this said she picked up a heap of PADDs and left her own private space.  She left an uncanny silence in her wake and the doctor observed the other occupants with much interest in the long seconds that followed.

"What the hell was that about?"   Demanded Torres rather than asked.  Seven turned to the irate Klingon with a look of puzzlement on her face.

"I don't understand what you mean Lieutenant?"

"Your behaviour," Began Tuvok "towards the Captain was wholly unacceptable."

"I merely informed her that I knew her motives in sending Chakotay on this away mission."

"What motives?  Leading away missions is part of his bloody job description!  And in case you hadn't noticed your darling Chakotay wasn't the only person on the Flyer when it took off.  I hardly think that she would sacrifice three of her Senior Staff just to get revenge on you."  B'Elanna retorted.

"I have learned that the human heart often leads to illogical decisions."  The drone stated.  "In any case it was clear that she was jealous of what we share."

"That is a most illogical statement."  Tuvok countered.  "Captain Janeway has been nothing but curtious and supportive towards you.  I believe it is you who are jumping to rash decisions.  I have known her for a great deal longer than anyone else present and I would never suspect her of committing an act such as that you have just accused her of."

"In case you hadn't noticed," Harry spoke up for the first time. "If it wasn't for her you wouldn't be here at all."  Following his captain's example he promptly turned on his heel and left.  The doctor considered raising the point that on several occasions Janeway had risked herself and the ship to ensure that she remained with them as well but decided to wait until they were in a more private setting to berate her.

"I am afraid Commander," Seven said turning to face the Vulcan "that I believe your faith is misplaced."  Before she too left the room.

"I really can't believe her."  B'Elanna commented running a hand through her mass of wild hair in exasperation.  "Where does she get off?"

"I'll try and talk to her later."  The EMH told them.  "Right now I think we have more important things to do."

            "Computer repeat message every two minutes."  Tom said before he started coughing again.  He just hoped that Voyager, or anyone, would get the message before it was too late.  The air was filling with coolant that was making it hard to breath.  "Chakotay?"  He called as loudly as he could, which wasn't very.  There was no reply.  He had seen the Commander being flung backwards from his console as it had exploded.  He got to his hands and knees wincing slightly at the pain that throbbed from a gash on his leg but he carried on none the less.  He found him lying sprawled on the deck.   There were some nasty burns on his hands and arms but they could be healed quickly enough and there was a cut on his forehead that was bleeding quite heavily but he seemed to be regaining consciousness.

"Do you think Lanna'll ever forgive us for wrecking another shuttle?"  He said weakly trying to sit up.

"Maybe if we ever get back in one piece.  Have you seen Neelix?"  Tom answered and asked propping the other man up on the wall.

"I'm here."  Came the Talaxian's voice from somewhere through the smoke.  As he approached he could see the little man was cradling his arm but he seemed mobile and pretty much in one piece.

"Good.  I'm going to see if I can get the coolant leak plugged.  I need you to see if you can get the sensors back on line.  I wanna know if those guys are still around.  Oh and keep this one talking."  He said indicating the semi-conscious Chakotay as he stood up and headed towards the back of the ship.  Grabbing one of the tool kits he figured that he could treat everyone's injuries after he had stopped them all choking to death.  As it turned out it wasn't too badly damaged and it only took him a couple of minutes to fix it and get most of the gas vented from the front of the cabin.

"Got it!"  He heard Neelix call as he made his way towards them.

"It seems that you're just full of hidden talents."  Chakotay said trying to laugh but cut short. 

"Great!  What have we got?"  He asked as he picked up the med-kit and headed towards his first patient.  "You've broken a couple of ribs and got quite a bad concussion to go along with those."  He informed him after scanning him with a medical tricorder.

"There still out there."  Neelix said slightly panicky.  "Their weapons aren't powered any more though."

"Okay, fancy trying you're luck with the shields?  Last time I looked they wee at about twenty percent."  He said using the dermal regenerator on Chakotay's forehead.

"Eighteen." He was corrected.  "But I'll see what I can do."  Tom pulled out a hypo spray and found the vial he was looking for.

"I'm going to let the Doctor deal with the burns.  He'll do a better job than me but this should help with the pain."

"Thanks."  He said but sounded kind of hazy.

"Oh no you don't big man.  Wake up."  He said shaking him lightly.  "Why don't you tell me what you and Seven are going to do for her birthday?  It's next week isn't it?"

            The next three hours were spent in bizarre conversation and with Tom and Neelix up to their proverbial elbows in broken ships systems.  It was when Tom was just beginning to worry about Chakotay's increasingly frequent lapses out of the conversation that the comm. system began crackling.

"…Please respond."  He had never been so glad to hear his Captain's voice before.

"This is the Delta Flyer and boy are we glad to hear you!"  Tom said grinning from ear to ear.

"The feelings mutual Mr Paris.  How are you all?"

"A little bashed and bruised but I think we'll…"  He trailed off as he heard the commotion on the other end of the line.

"Sorry Tom we've just encountered your adversaries."  Janeway informed him in between barking orders. 

"Well at least they're here."  Said the Talaxian crawling out from under a console.  "Eh Commander?"  There was no reply.

"Damn it!"  Cursed the pilot as he fell to the floor next to the slumping figure of the Commander.

"Is there a problem?"  Asked Janeway's disembodied voice.  There obviously was on the larger ship as they could here muffled explosions and the occasional startled shriek.

"Chakotay's just gone out cold and I can't wake him up."  He informed her.  "We need to get him to sickbay like yesterday!"

"Okay.  We can't take our shields down to get a transporter lock and we're outnumbered four to one."  He could almost hear the cogs in her head work.  "Mr Paris you've been venting plasma for the last couple of hours.  Do you think you could make it look like you're about to have a warp core breach?"  He knew that she knew he could and that an imminent core breach would send any sane ship flying.

"We're on it."

            Kathryn fell back into her chair the adrenalin still pumping through her veins.

"Tell me when they're successful Mr Kim."  She told the Ensign as she took a second to take in her surroundings.  Tom's replacement was working frantically at the helm and succeeding in dodging most of the blows sent their way.  She had already told Tuvok to fire at will but to aim at their weapons systems primarily.  There were one or two small fires and a couple of stations were down but there was nothing too serious.  The same went for casualties, except Chakotay.

"I'm picking up all the right signs Captain."  She heard from ops.

"It would appear that the other ships are under the impression that the Flyer is about to explode.  Three have jumped to warp and the fourth is at top impulse."

"Shields down."  She ordered.  "Beam them straight to sickbay Harry."

"Got them!"  He replied.

"Janeway to engineering."

"Torres here."  Came the response.

"Can you get a team over to the flyer?  We need to stabilise the core again before we tow it in."

They both new that it wouldn't breach but it wasn't overly safe.

"Carey's on his way the transporter room with his team."

"Good.  Tom's in sickbay but I think he's fine."

"Thanks Captain."  Responded the Chief before the link was severed.

"The Doctor reports that they're all going to be fine."  Harry informed them.  "He's in the process of repairing the damage to the Commander's skull but says there oughtn't to be any long term effects."

"I'm glad."  She replied not entirely sure that she was.  It all seemed a little surreal to her at the moment.  She needed some space to think.

"You have the bridge Mr Tuvok."  She said quietly as she entered the lift.  Getting out at the next floor she wondered through the corridors not really paying very much attention to where she was headed.  She thought about going to sickbay but she new that Seven would already be there and she really didn't feel up to another confrontation at the moment.  What the fromer-borg had said still rung clear in her ears.  Had she really been envious enough to do something that ridiculous?  Surely not.  But she had seemed so assured of her accusations.  Kathryn of all people knew what could be said in the heat of a moment but to believe it enough to say it in front of someone's face.  With that thought she entered another turbo-lift and headed back towards her quarters.  As soon as she walked through the door the objects lying on the table caught her attention.  They were exactly where she had left them before she had left for the bridge when Tuvok had told her that they were within sensor range of the Delta Flyer.  Leaving the lights down low and activated the personal lock.  This was it.  Strange.  She thought, but then again for her that was normal.  Going over to a cupboard she took out one of a set of glasses that Chakotay had given her for her last birthday.  Ironic.  Putting it down on the coffee table she removed her jacket and boots.  Curling her legs up under her she sat down on the couch and opened the bottle that stood on the table.  She poured herself a glass and picked up one of five packets that lay neatly one on top of the other.  Only one thing left to do.

"Computer - activate personal log."

            Seven stood uneasily at the end of the medical bay.  She could feel the others there either watching or talking about her.  Lieutenant Torres was sitting on the end of a bio bed next to her husband talking animatedly.  Harry and Neelix sat opposite them.  Not even the ever-pleasant morale officer had spoken to her.  It had been almost two hours since they had been beamed back on board the ship but Chakotay was still unconscious.

"He's waking up.  You can go and speak to him now."   The EMH told her his voice almost as impartial as that of a Vulcan.

"Seven?"  He asked as she approached.

"Yes.  I am glad you are going to be alright."  She told him leaning down to wrap her arms around his precious body.  She wasn't going to let anything come between them.  She pulled back to find him looking around for something in particular.

"You all came back."  She informed him assuming he was anxious about the other members of the away team.

"I was just wondering if the Captain was around."

"She's not.  And it's hardly surprising after what your girlfriend said to her earlier."  Came B'Elanna's voice from behind her.

"Lieutenant."  She greeted in a voice icy distaste.

"What happened?"  Asked Chakotay sitting up and looking straight at her.  Realising her account was much more likely to be accurate she decided to tell him.

"I informed Captain Janeway that I was aware that she was trying to prevent us from being together by sending you into a highly dangerous situation."  He stared in disbelief.

"No.  You shouted at her in the middle of a briefing.  Basically accused her of sending them out there to die.  I'm surprised she didn't have you thrown in the brig.  I would have."

"I can't believe you did that."  He said still in shock.  "After everything she's done for both of us!"

Seven was confused.  She had assumed that he would understand, that he would be proud of her for standing up for him.  Apparently she was wrong.  "As it happens she wanted to go but I talked her out of it because I didn't think she was up to it."  He shook his head.  "You have some serious apologising to do and even then I wouldn't be surprised…"

"Fine!"  She replied.  "I'll go and find her and apologise."  And left.  She waited until she had left the sterile environment before she asked the computer to locate her.

"Captain Janeway is in her quarters."  She strode off in the direction of the nearest lift.  On arriving she rang the chime.  There was no reply.  Come on.  She thought as her temper shortened.  She tried again – still no answer.

"Seven of Nine to the Captain."  No response.

"Seven of Nine to Commander Tuvok."

"Tuvok here."  Came the almost immediate reply.

"The computer states that the Captain is in her quarters but she is not answering the door or her comm.  Perhaps you could locate her bio-signature."

"One moment."  He said.  The silence was ominess.  "I have over-ridden the lock. I suggest that you go in.  I will be there shortly."  His statement had been somewhat perplexing but she assumed that there was some logic to it.  The doors opened and Seven quickly took in the scene.  The Captain's rooms were as immaculate as ever, the lights were dimmed and there was quiet music playing.

"Captain?"  She called out before she saw her.  At first she thought that she was asleep but as she drew near she noticed what was lying on the table.

"Captain?"  She repeated more urgently as she shook her.  "Can you hear me?"  She was still breathing but her pulse was weak and thready.  She turned as Tuvok entered the already open door.  She was the first to reach her comm. badge.

"Seven to the Doctor."  She continued without waiting for a reply.  "We require your assistance."

"In case you hadn't noticed I'm a little tied up at the moment."  Came his sarcastic reply.

"Doctor," Tuvok cut in.  "We require an emergency beam out from the Captain's quarters."  He was by her side already and expertly picked up their commanding officers limp form from the seat.  Something obviously snapped with the EMH.

"Two seconds."  Came B'Elanna's voice.

"You might want to bring those."  Tuvok told her indicating the empty containers and the glass that were strewn across the table and floor.

            The doctor looked across at the Chief Engineer who had already sprung to the nearest computer terminal.

"Two seconds."  There was a pause where no one in the room breathed – including the hologram.

Then the three of them materialised in the centre of the room.

"Over here."  He said automatically leading the Vulcan to the only free bed.  Lieutenant Paris was by his side.

"Shit."  He heard him whisper as he exhaled.

"What did she take?"  He asked his assistant who turned to Seven as he raised the diagnostic arch.

"Looks like old fashioned painkillers and.."  There was another pause.  He turned to look as he examined the glass and plastic container with the dregs of a clear blue liquid in the bottle.

"Hell, it looks like anti-freeze."  It was clear that no one else in the room got the significance.  "Lets just say it's highly toxic and you need to get it out of her."

"That will be little point in doing that if we don't get her heart beating again first."  He told him as the monitor began to beep less and less often quickly becoming a straight line. Adrenaline.  He grabbed a hypo and quickly found the correct vial and released the chemical into her blood stream.

"No effect."  Came Paris's hollow voice from the monitor.

"Try shocking her.  Three-hundred."  He told him as he place the electrodes in the correct positions.  "Now."  Her body rocked slightly but the line remained steady.

"Try three-fifty."  There was still no effect.  Come on!  You've been through worse than this.  I can't let you die like this!  He wasn't exactly sure what happened over the next few minutes – no that was a lie.  He was perfectly aware of what he did – he had done everything he could think of to try and revive her.   But the heart monitor had remained adamantly flat line.  He threw the hypo he still held across the room.  He wished that they weren't so damned robust and he had at least had the satisfaction of hearing it break.

"Computer, note time of death for Captain Kathryn Janeway as oh-three-hundred-hours-and-twenty-two-minutes on this star date."

            Harry felt numb all over.  He couldn't take in everything that had just happened.

"No.  She can't be!  There must be something else you can do!"  It took him a few seconds to realise that it was his voice speaking out.  He felt someone put a hand on his shoulder but he didn't look around.  This couldn't be happening this whole thing was just a nightmare and he would wake-up in the morning and everything would be fine.  Somehow he also knew that it was true though.  Somewhere deep down he knew that everything had changed.  "No."  He whispered again as he felt a tear slide down his cheek.

"Oh Harry."  Came B'Elanna's voice as she took him in her arms.  She rubbed his back in slow circles as he tried to burry his head in her shoulder.

            B'Elanna looked over her distraught friends shoulder at her husband.  Her heart was torn between sorrow, guilt and fury.

"It'll be Okay."  She told him gently rubbing his back.  Tom looked shell-shocked but the Doctor looked as human as she had ever seen him.  Tuvok and Seven stood to one side of the group.  The Vulcan's expression remained unchanged to the untrained eye but his head was bowed and his hands trembled just a little as he tucked them efficiently behind his back. Neelix had ended up next to Chakotay who had sprung from his bed during the action.  The blood had drained from his face making his tattoo stand out even more than usual.  The Talaxian's whiskers were drooping and from the expression on his face she would have thought that he'd just been told that the universe was about to end.  She began to manoeuvre Harry towards the door.  She knew that this would hit him harder than the rest.  He was still so young and innocent and he idolised her, or at least he had.

            She looked so peaceful lying there.  You would have thought that she was just asleep except for the blue tinge to her lips.  He wasn't sure whether this was due to the lack of oxygen that would have been reaching them or from the liquid she had been drinking.  Gently he picked up a sheet and carefully laid it over her still form.  It all seemed so inadequate somehow – below her.  It seemed strange to say that someone didn't suite his or her death but that was exactly how he felt.  He looked up at the sound of crisp heels turning on the sterile floor to catch sight of the former-drone as she speed away.  In a way he felt sorry for her.  Today would stay with all of them but her more than the rest, he should know.  Neelix was attempting to get Chakotay to come away with little success.  His large powerful frame seemed to have shrunken somewhat.

"Please, just let me see her."  His voice shook with barely controlled emotion.  Tom pulled up a seat for the still fragile man.  He took it without even acknowledging his presence.  He folded the cover back to her waist and backed off slightly.  The EMH had busied himself with some unimportant task on the other side of the bay.   He watched as the Commander slid her ivory hand between his much larger ones.  He just sat and stared at her as if he expected her to open her eyes at any moment.  Needless to say she didn't.  Realisation obviously hit him as he began to sob.  Tuvok approached and he and the moral officer managed to gently lead him away towards his own quarters.

"I'll come by in a while."  He heard the Doctor say quietly to the security chief.  "Mr Paris," He called mellowly once they were left alone.

"Yes?"  He answered as he walked towards him.

"You seemed to be fairly knowledgeable about these."  He could see now that he was referring to the things that Seven had brought from the Captain's quarters.

"Yeh, I suppose so.  They're straight out of the turn of the twentieth century."  He picked up one of the several empty packets.  "Paracetamol – the commonest painkiller that could be bought over the counter."  He couldn't help but chuckle as his gaze fell on the glass.  The Doctor gave him a slightly quizzical look.  "I'm sorry, it just takes someone like Captain Janeway to drink anti-freeze out of a martini glass.  Always elegant."  Even the EMH managed to crack a small smile at that.  Tom's fell though as a huge fact dawned on him.  "What in hell would a twenty forth century starship captain know about anti-freeze?  It was a product developed to lower the freezing point of water for automobile windscreen washers."  He added for the holograms benefit.  He couldn't believe how stupid he'd been.  "I leant her a book about four years ago called Death in the Twentieth Century.  A good quarter of it must have concerned different types of suicide."

"I wouldn't blame yourself.  There are many ways to achieve the same end if you are determined enough.  Her choice was hardly the easiest open to her."

            Chakotay looked around the assembled group as they sat in the briefing room.  None of them looked like they'd had much sleep since the previous night and the ship wide atmosphere was horrific.  But the crew had had to be informed and the Doctor had seemed to think that it was very important that he speak to all the Senior Staff as soon as possible.  The doctor stood up and walked towards one of the wall panels.

"I know that you'll think that this is all quite strange, but I want to play you the last couple of minutes of the Captain's personal log.  Most of her last entry tells me what I was looking for, but was completely absent in her others, but she did asked me to let you hear this."  He tapped one of the controls on the panel then took his seat.

"If you're hearing this then I guess it means that I'm, well dead.  At this point in time I can think of worse things though" Her voice sent a shiver down his spine.  "The first thing I want to make clear is that this was no-ones fault but my own after all an individual is in the end responsible for their own actions.  Neelix – seven years ago none of us had ever meet you or any of your species but I can honestly say that you have done so much for this crew and for me that without you I don't think that we would have got this far.

 Doctor – you have grown and adapted so much since we activated you that I'm not sure that I would recognise you.  You've proved that none of us should be limited by what others perceive to be our limitations and I think that's an important lesson. 

Tuvok my old friend – I sometimes think that you knew me better than I know myself.  You proved that again when you started keeping your eye on the weapons locker a few weeks ago.  I hope you can see the fundamental logic in what I chose to do and that you will be aware of how grateful I have always been for your unwavering loyalty. 

Harry – You too have grown up so much over the last seven year and have proved your competence time and time again.  There's something on my desk for you that I think you've deserved for a long time, congratulations Lieutenant. 

Tom – Before you start, remember what I said earlier.  You don't have a monopoly on guilt, just because you lent me a book doesn't mean you held the proverbial knife to my throat.  I want you to know that your father would be, and is, so incredibly proud of you.  And so am I, of all of you. B'Elanna – I want to say thank you for everything that you've done for me over the last few months.  Believe it or not it helped a lot.  I also saw it as a sign of just how much you've changed since we ended up out here.  Somehow I can't see the B'Elanna Torres I met then sitting down for a heart-to-heart with a Starfleet plebe.

Chakotay, Seven – Believe it or not I wish all the happiness you can find.  You both deserve it.  Seven, thank you for helping me realise that even if I did manage to make impartial decisions when it came to making up away teams that there would always be the suspicion that I hadn't and to be honest I don't know if I could trust myself.  That isn't what this crew needs.  Chakotay, I made a promise to this crew time and time again that I would get them home.  They deserve to have it kept even if it isn't by me.

I wish every one of you the best of luck; you all deserve it after everything you've been through.  I know that you'll get over any hurdles that are in your way, just like you always have, I only wish I'd managed to do the same.

Chakotay couldn't face looking at anyone else in the room as he left alone.  The last thing in the world he felt like was company.  He headed towards his quarters but kept walking on to the next door.  He knew the code even though he pondered how long it had been since he had used it last as he did.  The scene before him was, he presumed, unchanged since the last time she had been there.  The lights were down low and he left them that way as he walked across the room.  It took him a few minutes to realise that the music was in fact a song and that it had words. 

"Computer, increase volume one quarter."

I'm gonna take a little time,

A little time to think things over.

I better read between the lines,

In case I need it when I'm older.

Now this mountain I must climb,

Feels like the world upon my shoulder.

And through the clouds I see love shine,

It keeps me warm as life grows colder.

In my life there's been heartache and pain,

I don't know if I can face it again.

Can't stop now I've travelled so far,

To change this lonely life –

I wanna know what love is!

I want you to show me.

I wanna feel what love is!

I know you can show me.

I'm gonna take a little time,

A little time to look around me.

I've got no-where left to hide,

It looks like love has finally found me.

In my life there's been heartache and pain,

I don't know if I can face it again.

I can't stop now I've travelled so far,

To change this lonely life –

I wanna know what love,

I want you to show me.

I wanna feel what love is,

I know you can show me.

The words made so much sense and yet hurt him so much.  Slipping down to the floor he pulled his pouch from his pocket.  Carefully he spread out the contents and picked up the smooth stone in the palm of his hand.  Closing his eyes he began to speak.

"Akoochimoya.  We are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers…"

When he opened them again he found himself in a forest clearing that he new well.  He turned and saw her standing there the gentle breeze rustling her hair and the flowing white gown she wore.

"Hello."  She said smiling angelically.

"Hello," He replied haltingly "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Didn't you?  Considering that I'm part of you that seems slightly strange."  He didn't reply after a moment she continued.  "I'm sorry if I've hurt you."

"Isn't that my line?"  He asked as he moved towards her.

"What difference does it make?  We are intrinsically the same person."

"I still want you to know I'm sorry."

"I'm here to guide you not to make you feel better Chakotay."

"Well guide me then because I have no idea what to do!"

"We both know that's not true.  I wouldn't have left you if I thought you couldn't cope.  In any case it's time for you to go."

"Then I'll see you again, soon."

He felt his heart freeze as she shook her head.

"I will not return here but perhaps someday in another place…" And she was gone.

"Kathryn!"  He screamed and the sound echoed through the trees but he was completely alone.  When he returned to the physical world the feeling remained and for the first time he felt what it must have really been like for her.

THE END

Authors Note:  This was written before I saw Endgame at a time when I was with all my might trying to avoid finding out what was going to happen (this was made especially hard as I live in Britain and only have terestrial TV so I was waiting a looooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggg time.)  Anyway, the only thing I did learn of was that Chakotay and Seven were to get together.  Needles to say I wasn't to happy about the prospect and well, this is what ensued.  I appologise if I offended anyone.