Happy J-Pop
Author: Supreme Overlord Erin-chan
Rating: PG-13 for innuendo. Fade to black is my friend.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Belong to Matsushita-sensei. You should all be grateful for this fact. Gackt isn't mine either. Just as well, really. If he was, my friends would continuously be trying to kill me just to get their hands on him.
Notes: The fic that you didn't even know you were waiting for, because Erin-chan took so bloody long to write it! Never listen to Morikawa Toshiyuki singing happy J-pop. Ever. It will spawn things like this. This is far from my best fic—you may notice it's kind of strained in some parts. And yes, I am getting Tatsumi drunk again. I can't help it. It's so much fun.
Thank Yous: Topaz, who reminded me this fic existed and I was supposed to finish it this century. Panatlantic and Elf Asato for being my muses, even though they themselves didn't even know it (bwahahaha). Naomi, who bashed me over the head every time I felt like deleting this entire fanfic, and laughed at my jokes even when I didn't think they were funny. She also comforted me when I laughed at my OWN jokes (SIN!!!!). You should either bow to her or kill her, depending on how much you enjoy this.
Pairings: Tatsumi + Tsuzuki (my favourite! ^n.n^)
Warnings for: Severe OOCness!! Alcohol. The occasional naughty word (but no *swearing* per se). A drunk, aggressive, slutty Tsuzuki. A drunk, singing Tatsumi wearing a pink ribbon. Some gropin'n'grindin'. Innuendo. Also the occasional spattering of goosh. Y'know...the usual things to expect from my fanfics .;;
If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"
~~~
"Tatsumi~!"
In his office, Tatsumi winced. Whenever Tsuzuki had that tone of voice, it meant he was either going to hit Tatsumi with a massive amount of sparkles, or he was going to end up costing Enmacho a lot of money. Sometimes both. Tatsumi seriously hoped it was the former, as Watari had recently blown up his laboratory again.
"Yes, Tsuzuki-san?" He dared not look up from his paperwork. Tsuzuki had cutely poked his head in the door and sure enough, his eyes were taking up a third of his head and sparkling wildly.
"Come drinking with me tonight," Tsuzuki squeaked, puppy ears wiggling. Tatsumi blinked and wondered if he'd heard correctly.
"I can think of better things to do with my time and money," he replied. Tsuzuki pouted, and Tatsumi twitched. He made a more conscious effort not to look at the younger man. Damn that pout.
"Tatsumiiii~!"
Twitch.
"When was the last time you relaxed anyway, huh?" Tsuzuki bounced into Tatsumi's office and landed on the desk.
Twitch.
"Tsuzuki-san, please get off my desk. You're sitting on the paperwork I'm trying to complete," Tatsumi sighed. Tsuzuki blinked.
"I am not! Your paperwork is all over your desk, and my butt isn't that big! Would you rather I sat in your lap?"
Twitch twitch twitch.
"I'd rather you weren't bothering me in the first place," Tatsumi replied, trying very hard not to think about the size of Tsuzuki's backside or having said backside in his lap. His lap also twitched at that thought, but for different reasons.
"I wouldn't have to bother you if you'd just agree with me for once," Tsuzuki replied, turning his pouting mechanism up full blast. "Hisoka doesn't handle the alcohol so well, Watari is busy working on that potion of his, Wakaba-chan spends her time looking after Terazuma and I wouldn't be seen dead within a thousand kilometres of him unless I absolutely had to be. So that leaves you."
Tatsumi wasn't sure whether he should be flattered that he was the most suitable candidate, or insulted that he was the last choice on the list.
"Sorry, Tsuzuki-san. I need to work." It was as good as an excuse as any, Tatsumi mused to himself.
"Oh, you do not," Tsuzuki rolled his eyes. Those beautiful, glittering…Tatsumi twitched again and tried to refocus on the paperwork that Tsuzuki was sitting on. Unfortunately, the sheet he needed to focus on the most was directly under Tsuzuki's crotch.
"Can you please get off my desk now?" Tatsumi choked, realizing he didn't really have anywhere safe to look. If he looked at his paper, his eyes wandered to...other things, and if he looked directly at Tsuzuki, he knew he'd end up caving in.
"I'll leave if you agree to go out with me tonight," Tsuzuki said, pouting. Tatsumi felt another twitch coming on at the way Tsuzuki worded his request. Tatsumi knew he was losing. Tsuzuki wouldn't leave until he agreed to accompany him, but Tatsumi couldn't risk having him sitting on his desk much longer without agreeing anyway. He silently cursed his own inability to resist that bloody pout.
"Fine! Just get off my desk!" Mentally, Tatsumi had chibified and had huge veins popping out of all areas of his head. Tsuzuki squealed happily and bounced out as if he had springs attached to his shoes.
"Sankyuu, Tatsumi~!"
Offhand, Tatsumi wondered just when exactly he'd lost his mind completely. Most likely it was when he'd first arrived at Enmacho. Everyone was insane around here.
~~~
"Ah! Let's go there, Tatsumi! They have karaoke!" Tsuzuki bounced along, dragging Tatsumi behind him.
"Please leave my arm in its socket!" Tatsumi begged, wincing as Tsuzuki changed directions suddenly and yanked his arm along with him.
"Sorry! Ne, Tatsumi, have you ever done karaoke before?"
"No, I haven't," Tatsumi replied, and winced again. "I'm not the sort of person to get up on stage and make a fool of myself."
"Aw, it's not that bad," Tsuzuki said, "it can be really fun! We'll do some tonight." He nodded happily, failing to notice Tatsumi's face draining of colour.
"You are not making me sing karaoke!" Tatsumi yelped.
"Why no~t?" Tsuzuki stopped yanking at Tatsumi's arm, turned around, and did the most pathetic pout he could muster.
Twitch.
"No," Tatsumi said, resisting as best he could.
Tsuzuki sprouted puppy ears.
Twitch twitch.
"No!" Tatsumi choked. Tsuzuki pouted again (for real, this time) then gave up. The Puppy Pout™ was not his only weapon. He would find a way to make Tatsumi sing, oh yes he would. A vaguely evil giggle escaped his mouth before he could stop it, and Tatsumi gave him a strange look. He'd have to speak to Watari about those evil giggles – it was not acceptable for them to be rubbing off on other employees.
The bar Tsuzuki chose wasn't especially busy, but there were enough people there to humiliate Tatsumi if Tsuzuki got his way.
"Wah! Tatsumi! Look at the stage! It's so pretty!" Tsuzuki pointed at the karaoke stage with glee, unaware his puppy ears had popped out again. The bar must have been recovering from a large celebration, because the karaoke stage was lit up like a Christmas tree.
"Let's go sing right now," Tsuzuki said, starting to march towards it. Tatsumi caught the back of his suit and hauled him backwards.
"If you honestly think you're going to get me on that stage tonight, you're sorely mistaken," Tatsumi said calmly, "I agreed to come out with you and drink alcohol. You're not going to get anything else out of me."
"Does that mean a one night stand is out of the question?" Tsuzuki asked, fluttering his eyelashes. Tatsumi blushed several deep shades of red and started spluttering. Tsuzuki giggled.
"You're all red, Tatsumi, and we haven't even started drinking yet!"
Tatsumi seriously considered gagging the smaller man.
~~~
Several hours later, Tatsumi was pretty sure there was a part of his mind that was still sober, and right now it was slapping itself on the forehead. What, it asked, are you going to do tomorrow when you have to go to work with this man?
Not only was he letting Tsuzuki sit on his lap, but when the smaller man had insisted on tying a pink ribbon around Tatsumi's neck, he'd let him do that as well.
"It makes a good leash, don't you think?" Tsuzuki giggled, "You're all mine now, Tatsumi." He tugged on the ribbon playfully, then wrapped it around his fingers and snuggled into Tatsumi's neck. Tatsumi let him.
The sober part of his mind slapped itself again. Idiot!
"Ne~, Tatsumi~..." Tsuzuki twittered, "If I go sing karaoke, will you come on stage and sing with me?"
Hell no! Tatsumi's mind said.
"If you want me to," Tatsumi's mouth said. His mind slapped itself again until it was unconscious. Tatsumi didn't mind – all that background argument was getting irritating anyway.
"Uhu, Tatsumi's more fun when he's drunk," Tsuzuki giggled and tugged on the ribbon-turned-leash again, "I wonder if he's easier to get into bed, too..."
Tatsumi sensed he was supposed to blush at this comment. Since the sober part of his mind wasn't awake to enforce this, though, he instead said, "Probably." Tsuzuki thought this was a wonderful revelation and giggled again.
"I need to get you drunk more often," the purple-eyed man concluded, "you say things you'd never let escape your lips if you were in your right mind."
"Mm," Tatsumi confirmed, "I don't know why I get so uptight about some things, you know. Well, not now, anyway. Tomorrow I'll probably remember and slap myself...like what my mind did just now..."
"Your mind slapped itself?" Tsuzuki asked, blinking. Tatsumi nodded seriously.
"The sober part did, and knocked itself unconscious," he explained. Tsuzuki stared at Tatsumi for a few moments, then burst into a new round of giggles.
"Oh, Tatsumi," Tsuzuki laughed, "You really are just as nuts as the rest of us, aren't you?" He wiped tears of mirth from his eyes, then had a sudden thought. "So...if the sober part of your mind is unconscious, what part of your mind is left to control things?"
"I suppose it's the part that usually gets repressed," Tatsumi said after a moment's thought.
"Oh?" Tsuzuki waggled his eyebrows. "And just what kinds of things does the repressed part of your mind like to think about and do?" Tatsumi thought deeply about this for several minutes.
"I'm pretty sure it's the part of my mind that wants me to sleep in, work less, eat more, spend more money, and throw you down and ravish your body," he said finally. Tsuzuki blinked rapidly at the last one. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He closed his mouth, then opened it again. Same thing happened.
"You look like a fish," Tatsumi noted absently reaching for his drink.
Tsuzuki made a mental note that teasing Tatsumi didn't work when he was drunk. He made another mental note to test just how much the unconscious sober part of Tatsumi's mind would let the more exciting part get away with. Then he made a mental note to stop making mental notes; it was getting cluttered in there.
Tatsumi inspected the ribbon around his neck as though he'd never seen one before. Tsuzuki saw this and tugged on the makeshift leash again.
"Let's go sing now," Tsuzuki grinned, and used his "leash" to drag Tatsumi towards the stage. Tatsumi considered protesting, but the conscious part of his mind suddenly thought that singing karaoke in front of a bunch of people he didn't know sounded like a really great idea. Utterly brilliant, really. Worthy of a light bulb—but that would increase the electricity bill and would make the sober part of his mind a little angry. So he settled for nodding and grunting an affirmative to represent his approval instead.
On stage, Tsuzuki thought perhaps a slightly conservative song would be good to warm up with. Tatsumi obviously didn't agree, choosing a song that was so irritatingly happy and bouncy Tsuzuki had to wonder just how and why Tatsumi knew it even existed, let alone the lyrics.
"Tatsumi, I didn't know you were into that kind of musi—hey!" Tsuzuki yelped as Tatsumi broke away and leapt into the middle of the stage. Tsuzuki blinked rapidly as the normally conservative secretary started belting out the lyrics perfectly in a vaguely higher-than-normal voice.
"Tatsumi…?" Tsuzuki sweatdropped. Who knew Tatsumi could hit the high notes like that? Never mind the questionable dance moves...he looked like Gackt on a sugar high. Not that Tsuzuki ever watched Gackt. Really. He didn't have a copy of Vanilla Live...you have no evidence to support that accusation.
The irritatingly happy song finally finished, and Tatsumi materialized back beside Tsuzuki, looking as proper as usual. Tsuzuki rubbed his eyes and wondered if he'd imagined the whole thing. One way to find out, he supposed…
"Where did you learn the lyrics to that song?" He asked, giving the secretary an odd look. Tatsumi adjusted his glasses—something that made Tsuzuki feel more comfortable, oddly enough. At least it was a familiar gesture, unlike the rabid leaping around Tatsumi was doing a few moments ago.
"It embedded itself into my brain. Saya and Yuma decided they wanted me to buy them some silly, useless little toys at one point, and when I refused they tied me to a chair and left this song on loop for several hours on high volume."
Tsuzuki gulped. His admiration for Tatsumi soared after knowing he went through something like that and came out of it relatively sane. Relatively being the operative word.
"Of course, even after such treatment I did not relent," Tatsumi continued. Tsuzuki oohed and nodded. He should have known Tatsumi was so supremely strong to stand up against even Saya and Yuma and their cruel and unusual torture. He was Tatsumi, after all.
"No, it wasn't until they force-fed me an entire jar of coffee and made me watch the entire series of English-dubbed Sailor Moon in one sitting that I finally gave in," Tatsumi said. Tsuzuki's jaw dropped and he shuddered openly.
"You…you survived, even after that?" Tsuzuki asked, his eyes wide. Tatsumi nodded gravely. Tsuzuki trembled and threw himself into Tatsumi's arms. Never before had he realized just how strong, how awe-inspiring, how utterly unbreakable the secretary was before. After such an admission, the purple-eyed man never wanted to leave Tatsumi to the evil clutches of females ever again.
"They have Gackt," Tatsumi noted, looking over the list of songs the karaoke machine had to offer. Tsuzuki peeked over his shoulder.
"Ooh, Vanilla!" Tsuzuki squealed happily. Then clamped his hands over his mouth. Hadn't he just a moment ago been in denial about Gackt?
"Good choice," Tatsumi said, then dragged Tsuzuki out on stage with him. Tsuzuki's eyes bugged out of his head. Was Tatsumi suggesting they both perform Vanilla? …Together!? The idea itself wasn't so bad…until you remembered that his was Vanilla. What kind of dance moves would they be…oh.
That question was answered when Tsuzuki found himself grinding Tatsumi like sandpaper. Who cared if he looked like a slutty uke? He felt like one right now anyway. It was all he could do not to growl lustily at Tatsumi. When he thought about it though, why shouldn't he?
So he did so.
"Dominate me, you big bad seme," Tsuzuki purred into Tatsumi's ear.
Tatsumi stopped dancing and blinked at Tsuzuki vacantly. Silence. Then he blinked again. Tsuzuki sweatdropped. Maybe he'd finally gone too far.
Suddenly, Tatsumi seized Tsuzuki and threw him over his shoulder.
"KYAA! Tatsumi!?"
"Quiet. We're going back to my place," Tatsumi said firmly.
~~~
So this is what a killer hangover feels like, Tatsumi thought to himself as he woke up. He blinked a couple of times, then regretted opening his eyes at all. A groan escaped, and he rolled over, only to nearly strangle himself.
"What the…?" he grasped at his throat, to find there was indeed something around it. Picking at what he thought was the knot and then removing it, he wondered just how a pink ribbon got tied around his neck.
Then he remembered the night before, and twitched. He turned his head ever so slowly to the side, and sure enough, Tsuzuki was snoozing away beside him. Purple eyes opened and blinked a couple of times.
"'Morning, Tatsumi."
The non-hungover part of Tatsumi's mind smirked, "I told you so."
Tatsumi told it to shut up. He was too busy snogging the man next to him to listen to such things.