Darth Vader stood before his troops, speaking into a megaphone.
"Step forward!" All the troops took a step forward in exact unison and
resumed their ready positions. "Take a step to the left!" They did.
"And then a step to the ri-i-ight." They did. "Put your hands on your
hips." They did with some confusion. "And lock your knees in ti-i-ight.
It's just a pelvic thrust, then you go insane!"
"Let's do the time warp, yeah!" shouted the troops in unison.
Vader paused. "Where did THAT come from!?"
One troop spoke up. "Well... weren't you telling us to do the steps of
the Time Warp?"
"What!? No, of course I wasn't! Now everyone pair off for the slow
troop instructions."
"Sir," came a voice behind him. Vader turned to see a red robed Royal
Guard standing behind him. "The Emporer wishes to see you."
"Who now?"
"The Emporer. You know, the old guy in the black robes."
"Oh, you mean Wiggles!"
The guard stared for a second. "Wiggles, sir?"
"Long story." Vader put down his megaphone and headed toward the Emporer's
big chair room.
"Hey Wiggles, what's up?"
"I've asked you before not to call me that. I've been watching you
directing the troops. There seems to be a little confusion about who's
the Lord of the Dance around here."
"What!? YOU dance!?"
"I can busta move better than all you mothas!" The Emporer threw aside
his robe, revealing a hoody, baggy jeans, and a lot of gold chains.
"Guards!" he shouted, "My tunes!"
A guard picked up a boom box and switched it on.
The Emporer began break dancing, twirling around on the ground like a
pro. He then jumped up, did the Robot, a few flips, and landed on his
throne.
"How do you DO that!?"
"It's simply a matter of rhythm and timing, you see--"
"No, I mean you personally! You're old and decrepit!"
"Hey, if Yoda can frickin' fly around in the air I can do a little break
dancing. Now, forget everything you saw here and go back to directing
the troops."
"Can I still make them dance? It amuses me."
"By all means. And if they don't, fire a blaster at their feet. Or their
head. Whatever."
This story inspired in part by Funky Munky's "Star Wars for Silly People."
Also inspired by sticking a fork in a toaster sixty-seven times.
"Step forward!" All the troops took a step forward in exact unison and
resumed their ready positions. "Take a step to the left!" They did.
"And then a step to the ri-i-ight." They did. "Put your hands on your
hips." They did with some confusion. "And lock your knees in ti-i-ight.
It's just a pelvic thrust, then you go insane!"
"Let's do the time warp, yeah!" shouted the troops in unison.
Vader paused. "Where did THAT come from!?"
One troop spoke up. "Well... weren't you telling us to do the steps of
the Time Warp?"
"What!? No, of course I wasn't! Now everyone pair off for the slow
troop instructions."
"Sir," came a voice behind him. Vader turned to see a red robed Royal
Guard standing behind him. "The Emporer wishes to see you."
"Who now?"
"The Emporer. You know, the old guy in the black robes."
"Oh, you mean Wiggles!"
The guard stared for a second. "Wiggles, sir?"
"Long story." Vader put down his megaphone and headed toward the Emporer's
big chair room.
"Hey Wiggles, what's up?"
"I've asked you before not to call me that. I've been watching you
directing the troops. There seems to be a little confusion about who's
the Lord of the Dance around here."
"What!? YOU dance!?"
"I can busta move better than all you mothas!" The Emporer threw aside
his robe, revealing a hoody, baggy jeans, and a lot of gold chains.
"Guards!" he shouted, "My tunes!"
A guard picked up a boom box and switched it on.
The Emporer began break dancing, twirling around on the ground like a
pro. He then jumped up, did the Robot, a few flips, and landed on his
throne.
"How do you DO that!?"
"It's simply a matter of rhythm and timing, you see--"
"No, I mean you personally! You're old and decrepit!"
"Hey, if Yoda can frickin' fly around in the air I can do a little break
dancing. Now, forget everything you saw here and go back to directing
the troops."
"Can I still make them dance? It amuses me."
"By all means. And if they don't, fire a blaster at their feet. Or their
head. Whatever."
This story inspired in part by Funky Munky's "Star Wars for Silly People."
Also inspired by sticking a fork in a toaster sixty-seven times.