Feeling Fine
~More random ramblings, oh I have to add the word lame. Lame random ramblings. Truly lame from a tired frustrated mind who's spirit has been crushed by an evil teacher!~
Description -Carter and Abby talk about her drinking then she has an encounter with Luka of course ;).
'Filled with desperation, dislocation, separation, condemnation, revelation. In temptation, isolation, desolation'
"37 minutes and 18 seconds to go!" Abby declared as she studied her watch for what seemed like the one-millionth time that day.
"Lucky you" Susan groaned. "Does Carter finish at the same time?"
"I have absolutely no idea."
"You two had a fight?"
Abby rolled her eyes, was it really any of Susan's business what went on in her personal life. "No life is great." She stopped, raising her tired hand to her forehead. "It's just complicated you know. I'm actually not sure what's going on." Well not sure that she wanted to fill Susan in on the details.
"Well here's the man himself to clear things up" Susan said cheerfully.
Great Abby thought, just when I thought the day couldn't get any better!
"Hey" She said a weak smile on her face.
"We need to talk Abby. About your drinking"
She sighed they always seemed to need to talk these days but she couldn't find the words.
"I'm working at the moment Carter."
"After."
"Do I have a choice?"
He looked sharply at her
"I guess not, well after work then...."
~After work~
"Let's go up to the roof" Carter suggested. Abby nodded she didn't have the strength to disagree.
"We're happy aren't we Abby"
Abby gazed at the floor. Happy, she hadn't felt happy since well she could bearly remember.
"Abby?"
"If I was happy I wouldn't drink" She said quietly.
"So I make you unhappy and I make you drink is that what you're saying?"
"No, Carter you don't understand..."
"Understand what? It seems pretty simple to me."
She looked away, feeling tears pricking her eyes.
"It's so hard Carter. To get through each day and you have no idea what it's like."
"Then tell me Abby. I can help you get through this."
"That's just it I don't think you can. You don't make me drink, I make me drink. But this relationship doesn't make me stop drinking."
He laughed bitterly. "So I don't make you drink, but our relationship does. Is that what you're saying."
"I'm saying I want to be happy John. But I'm not anymore. I want to stop feeling so much hurt and anger, I want to get through a day without needing a drink to block out the pain"
"Then let me help you."
"I don't think you can. This relationship it doesn't work. If it did I wouldn't keep going back to drinking. I didn't drink when I was with..." She quickly broke off.
"You can carry on Abby, I think it's fairly obvious what you were going to say. You didn't drink when you where with Luka. He made you happy and kept you sober I guess. Whereas I just make you want to get paralytic."
"It's not like that."
"No, then what is it like Abby. Please tell me because I'm dying to know."
"I can't. I...." She broke off as she felt the tears she had fought hard to keep under control ran down her cheeks. "I have to..." She motioned down and quickly left leaving Carter to his own private thoughts and tears.
"Woo go me, I wonder how many more relationships of mine I can ruin before the year is out?" Abby said bitterly to herself as she washed her face in the bathroom. Maybe to finish the night off he could get totally smashed and call up Richard to discuss old times, just to make her life even more marvellous. Quickly she left the bathroom eager to get away home
Bumping straight into Luka. The night getting even better.
"You've been crying" He remarked, she felt exposed as his eyes washed over her.
"Good night Luka." She said ignoring his comment.
He followed her along the corridor and outside to the ambulance bay.
"Abby, we could talk...if you wanted"
"No, I'm good. Feeling fine"
"Then why are you crying."
"Like you care!" she said angrily, staring at him whilst trying to control the tears that threatened to once again spill over her cheeks.
He brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes.
"I never stopped caring."
She sighed "Don't Luka."
"Don't want? Don't help you? Don't make you stop crying?"
She didn't realise she'd starting crying again, the tears falling so easily in front of him.
"I can't."
"Carter" he said with quiet disgust.
"I....I love him"
He laughed.
"I do."
"It's not me you need to convince Abby."
"You don't know anything Luka. You don't know me. I don't think you ever did."
She turned to walk away but not before hearing his words. "But I loved you Abby."
'See you walk, walk away, into the night and through the rain. Into the half-light
and through the flame. If I could through myself set your spirit free I'd lead your heart away'
-
:Song Lyrics are from Bad by U2 - I adore U2 and needed to put in Lyrics somewhere the Music sucker I am! Not that they really go but what the hey!:
*sigh* I love Luka/Abby moments - wish there was more :(..........
~More random ramblings, oh I have to add the word lame. Lame random ramblings. Truly lame from a tired frustrated mind who's spirit has been crushed by an evil teacher!~
Description -Carter and Abby talk about her drinking then she has an encounter with Luka of course ;).
'Filled with desperation, dislocation, separation, condemnation, revelation. In temptation, isolation, desolation'
"37 minutes and 18 seconds to go!" Abby declared as she studied her watch for what seemed like the one-millionth time that day.
"Lucky you" Susan groaned. "Does Carter finish at the same time?"
"I have absolutely no idea."
"You two had a fight?"
Abby rolled her eyes, was it really any of Susan's business what went on in her personal life. "No life is great." She stopped, raising her tired hand to her forehead. "It's just complicated you know. I'm actually not sure what's going on." Well not sure that she wanted to fill Susan in on the details.
"Well here's the man himself to clear things up" Susan said cheerfully.
Great Abby thought, just when I thought the day couldn't get any better!
"Hey" She said a weak smile on her face.
"We need to talk Abby. About your drinking"
She sighed they always seemed to need to talk these days but she couldn't find the words.
"I'm working at the moment Carter."
"After."
"Do I have a choice?"
He looked sharply at her
"I guess not, well after work then...."
~After work~
"Let's go up to the roof" Carter suggested. Abby nodded she didn't have the strength to disagree.
"We're happy aren't we Abby"
Abby gazed at the floor. Happy, she hadn't felt happy since well she could bearly remember.
"Abby?"
"If I was happy I wouldn't drink" She said quietly.
"So I make you unhappy and I make you drink is that what you're saying?"
"No, Carter you don't understand..."
"Understand what? It seems pretty simple to me."
She looked away, feeling tears pricking her eyes.
"It's so hard Carter. To get through each day and you have no idea what it's like."
"Then tell me Abby. I can help you get through this."
"That's just it I don't think you can. You don't make me drink, I make me drink. But this relationship doesn't make me stop drinking."
He laughed bitterly. "So I don't make you drink, but our relationship does. Is that what you're saying."
"I'm saying I want to be happy John. But I'm not anymore. I want to stop feeling so much hurt and anger, I want to get through a day without needing a drink to block out the pain"
"Then let me help you."
"I don't think you can. This relationship it doesn't work. If it did I wouldn't keep going back to drinking. I didn't drink when I was with..." She quickly broke off.
"You can carry on Abby, I think it's fairly obvious what you were going to say. You didn't drink when you where with Luka. He made you happy and kept you sober I guess. Whereas I just make you want to get paralytic."
"It's not like that."
"No, then what is it like Abby. Please tell me because I'm dying to know."
"I can't. I...." She broke off as she felt the tears she had fought hard to keep under control ran down her cheeks. "I have to..." She motioned down and quickly left leaving Carter to his own private thoughts and tears.
"Woo go me, I wonder how many more relationships of mine I can ruin before the year is out?" Abby said bitterly to herself as she washed her face in the bathroom. Maybe to finish the night off he could get totally smashed and call up Richard to discuss old times, just to make her life even more marvellous. Quickly she left the bathroom eager to get away home
Bumping straight into Luka. The night getting even better.
"You've been crying" He remarked, she felt exposed as his eyes washed over her.
"Good night Luka." She said ignoring his comment.
He followed her along the corridor and outside to the ambulance bay.
"Abby, we could talk...if you wanted"
"No, I'm good. Feeling fine"
"Then why are you crying."
"Like you care!" she said angrily, staring at him whilst trying to control the tears that threatened to once again spill over her cheeks.
He brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes.
"I never stopped caring."
She sighed "Don't Luka."
"Don't want? Don't help you? Don't make you stop crying?"
She didn't realise she'd starting crying again, the tears falling so easily in front of him.
"I can't."
"Carter" he said with quiet disgust.
"I....I love him"
He laughed.
"I do."
"It's not me you need to convince Abby."
"You don't know anything Luka. You don't know me. I don't think you ever did."
She turned to walk away but not before hearing his words. "But I loved you Abby."
'See you walk, walk away, into the night and through the rain. Into the half-light
and through the flame. If I could through myself set your spirit free I'd lead your heart away'
-
:Song Lyrics are from Bad by U2 - I adore U2 and needed to put in Lyrics somewhere the Music sucker I am! Not that they really go but what the hey!:
*sigh* I love Luka/Abby moments - wish there was more :(..........