A/N: Ah, the joy of finals. Er... no, not really. =/ There are only a few more chapters left in this fic (plus an epilogue) and so I'm going to start slowing down with the updates. Plus, I'm starting a research project soon (yippee!) and hopefully that'll help me worm my way into grad school.
GreyLadyBast: So sorry you didn't like the latest chapters and thank you for wording your opinion in that way. Constructive criticism is always welcome, after all. To be quite honest, I agree with you but I didn't know what else to do with the character. I had written the epilogue of this tale before I even began the first chapter so I had to find a bridge between the start and end. I had originally intended for her past to be something else but.... that way seemed a bit dry. Hopefully you continue reading until the end- and that you won't be too disappointed by it. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
Orphelia Rose ( or something like Winter-Rose): I just now checked my yahoo account and saw your email! Thanks for dropping a note! I happened to read the start of your fic and tried to copy and paste it onto another email template but for some reason it didn't work. And then, horror of horrors, I accidentally erased your email! Ack! If you would still like me to read over your work, by all means email me again and I'll respond to you with my aol account.
Long chapter- be warned.
Chapter 21- Rhyme and Reason
She was falling through the air, a dark figure against the light of dawn, falling, falling down....
He watched with held breath as the figure was blown away from the cliff and then....
And then...
She was gone.
Legolas pushed himself away from the pool and looked at Galadriel in a panic.
Where is she? he demanded, more out of fear than of anger. Where have they taken her? What have they...
Galadriel lifted one finger and shook her head once. Her dark blue eyes were stern but kind as she looked on him and Legolas felt the words die on his lips.
( )
And he did.
Unsteady footsteps to his left, leaves crackling underfoot.
The gait of a human.
Without another word, he rushed towards the sound, running out of the clearing into the woods. The space between the large trees were as large as the trunks themselves and it wasn't long before he saw her.
A slender figure, still draped in the white dress that Nefernil had changed her into that morning. Her long dark hair was wild and tangled and her cheeks were red- whipped by the careless wind in its haste.
So unlike the first time he had found her.
Then she had been spotless, as if gentle hands had placed her in a cradle of leaves careful not to ruin her appearance.
Legolas reached out for her, grabbing her and hugging her to his chest uncaring of how much force he used. After what he had witnessed in the pool, he was beyond overjoyed to see her. He dug his fingers into her flesh as if trying to make sure that she was real, that he wasn't imagining her in his arms.
It took him a few moments to realize that she wasn't responding to him. She stood in his arms like a lifeless sack and the only sound he could hear from her was her soft, steady breaths as they passed from her lips.
He frowned and pulled away from her- just a little.
he said the strange, new name carefully. Alicia, tomorrow we shall return to Mirkwood and bring an end to this. What you have been through is over. It is finished. There is no more need to....
Let me go.
Legolas paused, uncharacteristically unsure of how to proceed. Surely she was too tired, too overwhelmed by the events of the day to truly know what she was saying.
She lifted her gray eyes up and he noticed for the first time how red and swollen they were. Tiny lines marred the usually flawless skin of her face and the firm set of her lips made him loosen his grip on her.
He had seen humans angry before, seen many of them explode into a flurry of emotions but rarely had he seen this sort of barely contained, quiet rage.
And never in a female.
Let me go.
No, Alicia. Your mind is clouded by what you have just been through. You must return to your room for now and...
Let me go.
Legolas did not move, not wanting to break the gaze held between them. She lifted her arms and tried to shake off his hands. Her mouth jerked up when Legolas' grasp stayed firm and she blinked.
she said, a new and unfamiliar tone crept into her voice. I suppose you wouldn't want to let me go. After all, it is the only way left you have of touching me.
Legolas drew in a cold breath at her words.
He knew what she was referring to and could not believe that she would be so cruel. The night before would not remain unspoken of anymore. Her words touched the part of him that felt guilt at what he had done. Even though he had not known at the time that another was in her mind as he held her, he felt ashamed at his actions. At his momentarily loss of control or what he thought of it as. Surely he had violated her, even though he had thought at the time that he was the one she wanted. Surely he was at fault now for the tension between them.
Her words had the effect on him that she wanted.
He released her from his hold.
I apologize for my actions last night. he said, forcing his voice to stay smooth and unruffled. I should not have...I should not have....
His voice faltered as her gray eyes bored into his mind. Had her eyes ever been so cold before? So unfeeling?
It should not have happened. It should have never taken place at all. she finished for him. Her eyes shifted away from his face and her jaw twitched slightly. Then again, many things shouldn't have happened.
Before he could form a reply, she walked past him and he knew that this time, it was not his imagination when the earth below his feet began to rumble.
But this time the sound was different- it was not out of anger that the earth made sounds- it was out of fear. As if the ground was afraid of her tread.
What do you mean to do? he asked as they reached the clearing and the Lady Galadriel. When she didn't answer him, he reached for her arm and she whirled around before he could touch her.
Her eyes blazed and her teeth were bared as she held out her arm towards his chest.
Legolas felt it before his mind could register her voice. It was as if a great unseen hand had shoved him off of his feet. He landed a distance away from her on his back, shocked but generally unharmed. The force that had shoved him away had been immense and he touched his chest gingerly as if expecting to still feel the pressure on his body.
He struggled to raise himself on his elbows, feeling soreness on his ribs and his back. He could understand her anger, he knew that she would be confused and frightened after what had just taken place and he understood that her feelings had warped themselves into a sort of rage. Still, he could not understand why she would strike out at him in such a manner. To physically hurt him was so unlike her gentle nature. Even Galadriel herself had described her as being a soft-hearted creature.
Yet he felt instinctively that she was not angry at him directly.
Then who?
Who would her anger be directed at?
Stifling a moan, Legolas gracefully got to his feet. Alicia had stopped walking and now faced Galadriel. Legolas could see her profile and he watched her, wary of what she might do.
Surely Alicia did not blame Galadriel for what he had seen in the pool?
To go against the powerful elf was folly, no matter what kind of a creature Alicia was. Legolas made a move to walk towards her but Galadriel's eyes stopped him once again.
Legolas shook his head and stared at her in wonder.
The Lady Galadriel would not allow Alicia to do anything harmful, would she?
You should have let things lie as they were. Alicia said in a low voice. I begged you not to continue. You should have listened to me.
Nay, young one. Galadriel said softly. How much more pain would you be in now, if your heart was not allowed to grieve? You have your life returned to you- it is a gift. Remember yourself, Alicia, keep your anger in check for that is not what you truly mean to feel.
How much more pain am I in now that I know?! Alicia wailed suddenly. You should have let me forget! You should have left me in peace!
Her hands, which had been clenched into fists now stretched out. Legolas stared at her long, thin fingers and remembered how they had looked the first time he had seen them so- reaching out towards the heavens...
He looked at Galadriel, trying to warn her but she did not meet his eyes.
Shall you take your anger out on me, young one? Galadriel asked calmly.
Alicia said in a hoarse whisper. Not you.
She raised her arms and glared at the sky.
she screamed.
And suddenly Legolas heard the earth rumble again, louder and more violently than ever before. It seemed to let out a great cry and shook with tremors as if in pain. The air grew cold and a mighty wind began to blow around them, picking up speed with each second. Legolas pushed his back against the trunk of a tree and held on tightly to the bark.
( ...we are sorry!... )
Legolas felt his hair whip across his face and still he clung on tightly. He had heard the voices in the wind and realized that they were asking for forgiveness.
The voices were in pain.
Alicia screamed. You are sorry? My guardians? Bound to protect me and yet you allowed the ones I loved to die! You kept me from death and yet you allowed my son to die! My husband! Why should I show you mercy now?!
Legolas pushed against the wind in an effort to see. Only Galadriel and Alicia seemed unaffected by the powerful gusts of air. Though their hair was blown from their faces, they stood still; protected.
The earth gave another horrible shiver and Legolas was nearly thrown off balance once more. His feet began to grow cold and he realized that the ground was cracking open, as if frozen with ice.
The wind howled with agony as it was hurled around by Alicia's hands. Everything around him- the trees, the leaves, everything of nature began to shriek with pain as a frosty touch settled upon the earth. All of nature was in pain and Alicia was causing it.
Suddenly, he saw a crystal clear, shimmering hand rise out of the water.
( ...mercy, please... )
( ...so cold, so painful, please stop... )
It stretched out like a long limb and reached out for Alicia.
( ...we could not let you die!... )
( ...we could not let you kill yourself!... )
Alicia fixed her glare on the hand and it began to harden in its place, slowly becoming ice from the tip of its finger down to its base at the pool.
Legolas could feel the pain of the world around him and his grasp on the trunk was threatening to loosen.
( ...we are sorry!... )
But Alicia showed no sign of stopping. Legolas felt his strength weakening and he shuddered, knowing that he could not hold on much longer. The pain around him was seeping into his body and his head felt light and weak. He hoped the Lady Galadriel would intervene soon for he knew that if and when he let go of the trunk, his body would be whipped merciless by the freezing wind.
His left hand was losing feeling as the cold deepened and the screams intensified.
And suddenly all was stopped.
Legolas gasped for air and fell to his knees as the wind and the earth stopped moving. He heard a splash of water as the ice melted instantly and fell to the ground. The air grew warm again and the screams around him stopped.
No more, Alicia!
Legolas looked up and saw Alicia stumbling backwards, as if she had been pushed. Galadriel had one arm outstretched towards her and her eyes sparkled with emotion.
It is not enough! Alicia cried out and to Legolas' horror, she raised both hands towards the Lady elf.
Alicia, no! Legolas yelled out at her.
Startled by his voice, she turned her head and was thrown backwards onto the ground, like he had been. He looked at Galadriel, for he knew that she had been the one to act against the girl.
Galadriel lowered her arm and shook her head at Alicia.
Your influence here is not greater than mine, young one. Do not think that you hold the same powers as I do in this world. Galadriel said sadly. You are not a child and yet still do you allow your emotions to get the better of you. You have now the full use of your mind. Use it to control yourself.
Alicia curled up into a small ball, not bothering to rise, and began to cry. At the painful sound, Legolas got his feet and walked to her, kneeling as he reached her side. She covered her face and wept bitterly into her hands, choking on her tears. It was a harsh, ugly sound, pitiful and heartbreaking. Despite what she had done, he still felt the urge to protect her. She was acting out of pure emotion- though her mind was now freed from whatever spell she had cast, her heart was still in control. He would stand between her and Galadriel if the need so arose. Legolas looked up and looked at the powerful elf, shaking his head towards the girl.
She knows not what she does, Lady Galadriel. Legolas said softly. She is confused... tired.
He bent down and slid his arm underneath her shoulders. The sharp bones underneath her dress pressed down on his arm as he lifted her up against his chest.
You need not explain to me her actions. Galadriel said softly. She turned her gaze to the crying bundle in his arms. You have inflicted enough pain, Alicia. It is done and it can not be undone. Do not blame those that have no control over life or death for in truth, there is no blame to give.
Alicia dropped her hands and her head rolled heavily on Legolas' chest. She looked at Galadriel and her mouth trembled slightly.
They could have saved them. Alicia said in a thick, tear-filled voice. They should have let me fall. Die. They could have...
No, young one. It was simply their time to die, though at such an age, it is a tragedy. Yet you must not direct hate at those around you.
Galadriel tilted her head slightly.
Nor on yourself. she said. For even you, with all you can do, can not hold sway over the powers that direct the duration of a life. Your servants feel as much pain as you do over the loss, do not punish them again.
Alicia nodded once and then closed her eyes, pressing her damp face against the fabric of his shirt. Legolas kissed her forehead and then her cheeks, trying to will his warmth into her cold body.
( You thought her once to be as simple-minded as a child, did you not? )
Legolas tore his gaze away from Alicia's face and looked at Galadriel.
He nodded.
( But she is not, Prince. Yet because she has never faced her emotions- her sadness, her grief, she does not know how to control herself. They overwhelm her. She has never learned restraint nor does she know how to balance herself within. Now that the spell has been broken, her emotions run free and wild without rhyme or reason. She must learn to accept them or they will control her. Do you understand? )
Legolas nodded again.
( )
Galadriel looked at Alicia again and closed her eyes briefly.
( And what of your own emotions, dear Prince? Is your heart still the same? She could have hurt you if I had allowed her to continue her actions. Is there not anger towards her? Or indifference to her fate now? No one would speak against you if it were so. )
( You think my heart so weak that it can not stand the tests put before it? )
( So you believe that all that has happened are merely tests to strengthen your bond? Have you not considered truly, that she would choose to leave you? What if I were to tell you that in order for her heart to heal itself, she must be taken away from you? )
Legolas forced himself to look away from Galadriel's eyes and pressed his lips once more against Alicia's forehead. Her grief was almost a tangible thing, something that he could taste like the sweat on her skin. Her eyes were closed and her face was set in repose. Yet even in sleep did she hold her mouth tightly; even in sleep did her brow wrinkle in sadness.
( Then I would choose her happiness over mine. If it were to be so, if her heart were to be able to mend itself in another place apart from my arms, then I would place herself there myself and weep bitter tears until she is returned to me. )
( So shall it be, dear Prince. Remember your words and mine. )
Perhaps you should take her to her room now, Legolas. Galadriel said out loud. I shall have Nefernil bring you both food and fresh clothing.
Legolas said nothing as he stood up with Alicia in his arms. Her eyes were shut and her face was still.
Was she truly sleeping or had the events of the day completely drained her of strength? Legolas was learning that he could no longer rely on pure reason and facts alone- he now had to deal in the gray realm of feeling and of things beyond his control. Yes, he was a Wood elf, filled with knowledge of the living things around him but Alicia had brought him to a place above even this. He was on unsure ground in her world, especially now after what he had just witnessed. She had told him before, insisted that she was not of Middle Earth and yet he had dismissed her because he thought her to be simply confused. Now he had to accept the fact that she truly was not of his world.
But she was here now, was she not? Wasn't that important to keep in mind, also?
Legolas could still see traces of the girl that he had watched playing in the fields of his kingdom. Somewhere in the tired shadows on her face, was a faint glimpse of the girl that Kythe and Lohr had played with. No matter what Galadriel said, no matter what Alicia's life had been before Legolas knew that her life now was right. She was an immortal- she would learn that the passing of time could heal all wounds. Why would she want to return to her home- if it was even possible? Why would she want to go back to a world that she had been so eager to forget about in the first place?
Why would Galadriel even hint at such a thing?
Hadn't they been through enough?
All his fears had come true... and yet they had not. She did belong to someone else but that bond was no more. She was not of his world but he had seen with his own eyes how she had fled from her own home. She was not an elf but neither was she a mortal.
Legolas felt that their stay at Lothlorien was at an end. He would wait until Alicia had enough strength, physically, to endure the trip back. Her soul and mind could heal fully in Mirkwood and he could devote more of his time to her recovery in the familiar settings of his own home. In time, she would recover. Perhaps it would take years, centuries even but she would heal.
This was her home now.
Legolas walked away from the clearing and towards the steps that lead up to her quarters. So immersed was he in his thoughts that he did not see the Lady Galadriel shake her head at his plans.