A/N: Wow, thanks for all the reviews!... I have to admit though, some of them scare me with the intensity of their sentiments... just a lil. =)
Anyway, a chapter or two left- including the epilogue so... bear with me!
Chapter 24- Midnight in Wonderland
Legolas pressed his lips against her forehead and closed his eyes. He was trying to carve the sensation of her skin beneath his lips into his mind. His hands, which were still curled tightly around her fingers, struggled to memorize the weight of her hand in his grasp.
He was studying her with his body and not his eyes for the memory of all his senses would yield far stronger details than mere vision.
Memorizing.
Remembering.
She would be gone so soon, too soon and what would he have left? Images. Touches. They would all be stored inside himself for as long as he took breath.
Yes, he had made his choice though his heart and soul were rebelling against his mind.
Her wishes.
Not his.
"She spoke of a choice and yet there is none that I can make." Legolas said, opening his eyes slightly. "Your words echo in my mind like a spell. Would death be kinder to you than life has been? Would it be kindness for me to let you go? And yet it would not do for me to ponder on such things when you have already taken the choice out of my hands."
( Your hands, elf Prince... )
Legolas looked up, startled at the strange, eerie voice that spoke in his ear. He had heard it once before- that melodious silvery sound. Not quite an elf voice, not quite a human voice....
( You have the hands of your brother... )
Wind.
"How?" Legolas whispered in surprise.
How could he be hearing them now?
( We are heard by those who have been touched.... )
( We speak to those we wish to speak to, who we wish to hear us.... )
The words were overlapping and yet harmonious. They were no longer frightening but still... odd.
Legolas' mind whirled backwards..... those who have been touched. Alicia had touched him, hadn't she? His ear. Once, just before their meeting with the Lady of the Wood.
"Lady Galadriel said I had until sunset." Legolas said, sitting up. He looked around the room, as if searching for the source of the voice. "Have you come now to hear my decision? It is too early!"
( We only want what you want... )
Legolas blinked and looked down at Alicia. The windows were closed and yet there seemed to be the faintest hint of a warm breeze around her face. The wispy strands of hair that had settled on her forehead were pushed back and suddenly Legolas felt something touch him on both hands.
( We want what you want... )
( What do you want?... )
"I want her to live." Legolas said softly. "I want her to be happy."
( Yes... )
"But I can not have both." he said. "She wants to go home... to her world. You know this. I must follow her wishes."
( Her power over us wanes with each passing moment, elf Prince. We have given ourselves over to your command but it will not hold for very long... )
( We work only for her happiness for we are her guardians. We feel that she will be happiest with you... )
"But the Lady Galadriel said..."
( We care not for the elf witch!... )
( We serve the girl.. )
( We warned her not to come here!... )
( We have given you the power to help her... )
Legolas felt a brief flicker of hope and joy at their words but then shook his head. What had Doláe said about them? The elements were all-seeing but unwise at times... yet strong and faithful? If that was the truth then of course they would do everything they could to keep her alive- even if it was the wrong thing to do.
Is that why they had given themselves over to his control?
Because they thought that he would use them to keep her with him?
But then another part of Legolas' mind spoke, furthering the temptation.
Why not do as they wanted him to do? Why not use them to keep her alive? He could not bring harm to an innocent like her and to refuse to give her death could not possibly disrupt any balance, could it? If he kept her with him, he would never hurt her despite what the Lady Galadriel said. To have a simple, sweet child by his side would not be a heavy burden at all. In fact, it would be a joy, would it not?
( "She will be your temptation and your burden if she lives." )
The Lady Galadriel's words...
But he could be strong against his longing, could he not? He had turned away from desire long before Alicia arrived and he could do so again if need be.
There would be no downfall to her remaining in Middle Earth with him.
"I...I am not sure." Legolas said, his voice faltering.
( Use your hands, elf Prince... )
Legolas frowned and uncurled his fingers from her hands.
"What of my hands?" Legolas asked. "I hold no power in my...."
( Your brother is a healer... as you are... )
( He saw into her mind. Isn't that what you want too?... )
"I am not as powerful as he is." Legolas said, feeling suddenly anxious. "I could not possibly..."
( You can not heal her but you can see...)
( Do as he did....)
( See as he saw... )
Legolas reached up and his hands hovered over her head. He was trembling slightly, unsure if he should go on or stop. He couldn't deny the yearning he felt at their words. He did so badly want to see into her mind- to know her as he would never know her. Unlike Lohr, he would not be able to instill any change in her but...
...but he could see what her mind was like.
It was a part of his training as a healer. To look into the mind of another so that the ailment could be properly found and diagnosed. But never had he used it simply for the sake of knowing another's thoughts or feelings.
It was too personal, too private.
But once the wind had planted the seed of that idea into his mind, he could not shake it off.
( Elf Prince...)
( Do you love her?... )
Legolas lowered his hands and closed his eyes.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Ring around the roses, a pocket full of posies..."
Legolas gasped and whirled around.
The room was gone and everything in it had disappeared.
It seemed Lothlorien was gone too.
He was in a field. Bright green grass against a sky of brilliant blue. The air smelled sweet and there was no wind to feel. It was a perfect picture of stillness and calm.
He looked around, not feeling anxious or afraid and he wondered at that. His elven senses seemed to be dulled in this place- either that or there was absolutely no danger to feel. In fact, he felt as if he were surrounded by Alicia's presence- not the frightened, angry woman he had brought to Galadriel, but the happy, lighthearted soul who had twirled in the courtyard of his home.
"Ring around the roses, a pocket full of posies..."
The voice of a small child.
Legolas raised his head and saw, in the distance, a tree. Not like the mallorn of Lorien but neither was it like a Mirkwood tree. It was a strong growth, nevertheless, with a thick dark brown trunk and rich, fragrant leaves.
There was a small figure underneath the tree, sitting down in its shade.
"Ring around the roses, a pocket full of posies..."
Legolas walked towards it, curious but not in the least apprehensive.
As he drew closer, he found that it was a small child. Her legs were crossed and she was rocking back and forth as she sang, playing with something in her hand.
"Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."
In fact, it was a very pretty child. A little girl with dark hair that hung down past her shoulders. Her small, pink lips curved around the song and yet they seemed to tilt up slightly in a smile. She had the fair and unblemished skin of the very young- she couldn't have been more than six or seven by human standards. Her long lashes hid her eyes as she looked down at the object in her hand.
She wore a simple blue dress with a white frock tied over it. Her legs were covered in white stockings and on her feet were strange black shoes, each with a strap and buckle. Against the silky black of her hair was a white band, possibly to keep her eyes clear of loose strands.
Legolas felt himself smiling at her, though she did not look up at him. It had long been since he had seen an elf child and though the girl before him was not an elf, she was delicate enough to pass for one.
"Hello." Legolas said, tilting his head to the side.
The girl did not stop rocking nor did she look up.
"Hello." she said. "Legolas."
Legolas paused for a moment. Yes, of course the little girl would know his name. He was in Alicia's mind, after all.
Had he stumbled into a memory?
But he thought that Alicia had had a son- not a little girl.
So who was this creature who sat before him?
"You have my name." he said, in a light voice. "May I have the pleasure of knowing yours, little one?"
The girl stopped rocking and closed her hands over her plaything, hiding it completely from his sight.
She looked up.
Legolas blinked, trying to hide his shock.
Her wide, almost round eyes were a startling shade of gray. Almost silver.
"Alicia." he whispered.
She smiled and shrugged her thin shoulders.
"Not really." she said. "But if you'd like to call me that, then alright."
"Who... what are you?" he asked.
"My neck hurts looking up at you." she said, still smiling.
Legolas bent his knees and moved down to her level. He could not stop staring at her- it was Alicia! Far younger, yes, but the features were the same. And those eyes... there was no other he knew with the same shade of gray.
"They told you to come, didn't they?" she asked, seemingly oblivious to his gaze. "They thought that I would help you in some way. Or at the very least, convince you to let her live."
"You speak of Alicia as if you are not her." Legolas said. "And yet your features are... who are you?"
"I am who I am as you are who you are." the girl said playfully. She ducked her head and grinned sweetly at him, showing off her small teeth. "I was there with her when she was born and if she dies, I shall stay with her, never to pass from her body."
"Are you her memory?" he asked.
She shook her head.
"No." she said. "I am not the possessor of her thoughts, dear Prince. What I am is part of no mortal or immortal in your understanding. I am the keeper of spells, born with each mage and passed on at birth. I have existed in others before and you would not even be able to fathom my age. I watch and I take in what passes before her eyes. I am Alicia and yet I am not, do you understand?"
Legolas frowned, shaking his head.
"Passed on at birth?" he repeated. "So her son..."
"No, for the father of her son was a mortal." the little girl said. "A mortal body can not contain such ancient things. Only two of the same blood can pass on the powers of..."
The little girl stopped and giggled suddenly.
"But you didn't come here to hear me speak of rules and lineage, now did you?" the little girl said, looking at him brightly. "You came here for help."
"I do not know what I came here for." Legolas said truthfully. "Except maybe to see her. To know her more than I do."
"You came here because they told you to come." she said.
He hesitated and then nodded.
It would not do for him to hide anything from her. There was a strange sensation he felt emanating from the girl- nothing harmful or dark but it was odd. Her eyes suddenly seemed too old for her face, too deep and too bright for a little girl.
"Yes, they thought I would be more persuasive on the matter than they or the Lady." the girl said. Her eyes drifted from him and her face grew pensive. "They know they can not force your hand so they whispered in your ear to come here. They do assume much in their desperation. "
"So you do not wish for me to keep her alive." Legolas said.
"I didn't say that." the little girl said, looking back at Legolas. "In fact, I have nothing to say to you on that matter. Life or death. Death or life. Simply two sides of the same coin, you know. The elements relinquished themselves to you even though they rightfully belong to Alicia but they did so only because she is now too far gone to realize this. And now, you have the power to do what you will with her. Free will, Legolas. All creatures have it yet at the same time, all creatures are bound to fate."
"Then there is no free will if there is fate." Legolas said, deepening his frown.
Where was this conversation going? He wasn't sure if they were still speaking about Alicia or something else.
"Free will and fate co-exist in harmony." the girl said. "With each choice you make, you step closer to a fate that was pre-ordained for you. And yet, there are many fates and many choices."
The little girl smiled sadly and shrugged again.
"Alicia made her choice and thus doomed herself. Was it her fate to do so? Yes- obviously. And yet had she chosen not to use the spells at her command, her fate would been different. It is our choices, not our destinies, that carve out our lives, Legolas."
"I do not understand."
The little girl laughed, a high sweet sound, filled with sincere joy.
"I don't expect you to!" she said, grinning. "But you will one day. I promise. You have free will, Legolas. But what you choose now will mark you for a certain destiny. Alicia is part of that destiny, whether she is with you or not. The decision you make will affect your future in a heavy way."
Legolas lowered his eyes and touched the grass that he sat upon.
It felt slightly damp underneath his hand and smelled so clean.
Was this really just an illusion created by Alicia's mind or was this real?
He was so confused.
"Can you not tell me what to do?" he asked, wincing at the sound of his voice. He knew how pathetic he seemed but he was at a loss. "You would do what is best for her, would you not? I am no longer sure what that is. I am afraid that I will hurt her somehow or fail her in some way..."
The little girl shook her head and her eyes seemed to glitter with pity.
"I do not deal in advice." she said. "And rare is it that I give voice to my thoughts."
"But I do not know what to do!"
She stared at him for a moment, and then raised her hand and opened her palm for Legolas to see what she had been playing with.
It was a golden ring, bright and shiny. A strange thing, for while it was only a mere object fashioned out of metal it seemed to Legolas that there was something not quite right with the ring. It seemed alive almost, as if it were speaking to him in the way it flashed in the sunlight.
"Sometime soon a ring, much like this will have a place in your destiny." the child said. "Remember this image, Legolas, in the years to come. That such a small thing, insignificant in size, will affect the lives of so many. And one person may affect the destiny of an entire world."
"A ring?" Legolas said curiously. "That ring, you mean?"
The girl smiled and closed her fingers around the ring, taking it from Legolas' sight once more.
"No, not this ring." she said with a small smile. "This ring belongs not in your world but in hers. It is her ring- a symbol of love, pure and good and long awaited for. She wears it not for in a few moments, the love that it symbolizes shall be erased forever in her mind. What need then would she have for such a ring?"
Legolas lowered his head and closed his eyes briefly.
"What would you have me do?"
"Why do ask me when you have already decided for yourself what you will do?" she said softly. "You came here speaking falsehoods to me, my Prince. You made your choice the moment the Lady Galadriel spoke to you, did you not? You are only confused on the surface, Legolas, and you are playing games with yourself. You have known all the while what you would do when this time came. You did not need to listen to the Lady Galadriel nor to the elements nor even to me, now, for the time of deliberating is finished. What you seek now is acceptance, is it not? And maybe... maybe even forgiveness."
Legolas raised his head slowly and opened his eyes. His vision was blurred with tears and despite the happiness of the place, he was miserable.
"I am afraid I will choose the wrong thing." he whispered. "That I will disappoint her."
The girl reached out and touched him, her small fingers barely covering the expanse of the back of his hand.
"You have chosen what your heart tells you is right." she said. "You can do no wrong by listening to the voice of your soul. The elements... Lady Galadriel... they look out to the future horizons and speak from there. Sometimes, even the wisest fail to remember to remain in the moment. It is folly to think so far ahead that you lose yourself in the present. That was Alicia's downfall- she thought she could forsake all sadness in the future and forgot that the happiness she had was more important than its eventual loss. You are wiser than her, Legolas, and so shall your choices be."
She stopped and patted his hand.
"And who is to say that your choice does not have its place in the future of your world. Perhaps it does, Legolas. Perhaps it does."
Her gray eyes held his in such a strong way that Legolas wondered if there were more meaning in her last words than he had assumed.
Then she smiled and the heaviness was gone.
For a moment they sat there in easy silence. As heavy as his heart was, her words comforted him in some odd way. It was as if she were giving him leave to do as he wished and offering him no warnings or threats in exchange. It was not so much that he felt she had faith in him- it was more a feeling of complete assurance that everything would work out for the best regardless of what he did. Death was no longer something to be feared and his heart grew light as he realized the true meaning of her words.
"I came here to know her." Legolas said after awhile. Her hand felt warm and soothing on his and her touch made it easier for him to voice his feelings. "Who she really was. Before she fell into my hands. You, who have been in her mind, would know her best. A few words is all I ask of you now, something to carry with me in memory of who she was."
The little girl beamed at him, her smile as radiant as sunshine and Legolas found himself smiling back.
"Better to show, than to say." she said. She lifted her hand from his and gestured towards the distance behind him.
Legolas turned around and blinked in surprise.
He was looking into the interior of a dwelling place- but it was one as he had never before encountered. It was not grand or regal but nor was it inelegant. The walls were clean and white and the furniture was.... well, odd.
But it was not the trinkets or furnishings that made him blink.
Alicia, as she was when he had found her, darted happily across the polished wooden floor of the image. Her face and figure were full and her cheeks were a healthy pink as her mouth opened in laughter. She wore loose fitting clothing and after a few seconds, Legolas realized why.
She was pregnant.
Her belly protuded in a graceful arc away from her body and she held her stomach protectively, even as she giggled into one palm. She said something to someone he could not see and Legolas frowned, not knowing what it was she said. He could not understand her words- they were guttural and sharp. So unlike the language of his people. And yet something in her voice made her speech sweet and melodious.
He found himself leaning in just to hear her intonations and inflections.
A man walked into his view and Legolas was surprised at the lack of jealousy he felt watching Alicia reach out for him. This was most likely her Matthew... and the child in her belly was Tristan then. Her dead son who had yet to be born.
"Her memories fade and yet some linger on, unwilling to be erased." the little girl said into his ear. "This too however, will soon disappear. Such a simple moment, it was, but one that was of great value to her."
Legolas watched as Alicia and Matthew spoke to each other. She seemed to be teasing him and an impish, mischiveous spark flirted about her eyes and her mouth. She shook her head and to Legolas' surprise, she stuck her tongue out at him playfully. Matthew laughed and tapped her nose, causing her to laugh even more. Even from the distance, Legolas could see the man's eyes.
Blue... so very blue.... like his own eyes.
Suddenly Alicia's face changed, her eyes widening and her mouth opening in surprise. She grinned suddenly and grabbed Matthew's hands bringing them down to her belly. She said something excitedly and Matthew's eyes widened at her words.
They stood still for a moment and Legolas found himself holding his breath. What was happening?
Alicia and Matthew both gasped in surprise and the man began to talk quickly. His face was a picture of perfect joy and he reached for her, pulling her into a tight embrace as best he could.
"It was the first time she felt her son kick." the little girl said. "The first time they felt the life they had created reach out to them."
Legolas blinked and the image was gone. The green grass went on for miles ahead of him, showing no sign that anything had blocked his view of the field. He felt the small hand curl around his fingers and he looked back at the small girl who was Alicia and yet not.
"It is almost sunset in your world." she said. "The time for your decision comes."
"Can I come back here?" Legolas asked. The world within Alicia's mind was so warm and so filled with love that he did not want to leave just yet. He was not ready to go back to his world.
"No, Legolas. I'm sorry." the little girl said sadly. "The spell has almost completed its task. In a few moments, all of this will be gone and I will be but a silent shadow in her mind, unnoticed and unwanted. What use does she have for spells if she does not even know who she is? Dark falls over her mind and midnight creeps in Wonderland."
Legolas nodded. He moved gracefully up to his feet and looked down at the little girl. She smiled at him, craning her neck to look up at his face.
"Then goodbye, little one." he said. "Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for your wisdom. I wish... I wish that..."
"Yes." she said. "As do I. Walk back from whence you came, my dear Prince. You know how to find your way back."
Legolas turned around, ready to walk away from the girl and this world when her small childish voice stopped him.
"Legolas, wait."
He looked back and saw that she was standing up now and staring at him intently. Her face was suddenly serious and her gray eyes dark as she spoke.
"A gift from me to you. A warning you may think, perhaps, but it is not meant to be so." she said.
"Yes, my friend?" Legolas said, feeling a chill run down his back.
"The wind was her closest friend." the little girl said. "But water was her favorite out of the four. It is a playful creature but also moody and jealous of its place in her heart. In years to come, it will call for you, Legolas. It will beckon to you with the cry of the seabird and bid you to come to it. But it only does so because it knows that you hold a part of its queen within your soul and it will be drawn to that essence like a bee to a flower. If you harken its call, do not forget to bring her with you- it will do no harm to either of you for it wishes only to hold its queen and master in its arms for a short while. If you do forget, Legolas, then it will become angry and I need not tell you of the mighty wrath of the sea. You will stand no chance against its blows if you come to it empty handed."
Legolas stared at her for awhile, not really understanding what she meant, but he locked her words in his mind like a treasure. He nodded and she lowered her head and closed her eyes.
Legolas turned around and began to walk away.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He sat up, startled and out of breath.
He was back in Lothlorien, in Galadriel's domain. He looked around, blinking rapidly, taking in the walls of the room. He looked down and saw that his hands were no longer holding the sides of Alicia's head. They lay on her pillow like strange extensions of himself. He pulled them close to his chest and drew in a cold breath, shuddering with loss.
How was it now that his own world was so very cold and hers had been so warm? He would have gladly stayed there if he could, surrounded by Alicia's presence and her child-like image.
Slowly, his own body began to melt away the chill that surrounded him and in a few seconds he was no longer trembling. He looked up and found that outside the window, the sun was slowly lowering itself down below the horizon.
"Alicia?" Legolas said, testing out his own voice. He reached out for her and stopped a few inches away from her face.
No, the name was no longer right.
She was no longer Alicia, was she? Whoever she had been was gone now and the body before him had been purged of her past. No, Alicia was not the right name for her.
"Karalynn." Legolas whispered.
His hand seemed to move down to her cheek of its own accord as if pleased by that name. Yes, Karalynn. That was who Legolas knew, who Legolas had gotten to know and that was how she was to be remembered.
Karalynn.
( Have you made your choice, elf Prince?..... )
( The elf witch comes now.... )
"Yes, I have made my choice." Legolas said, not looking up. "And I shall live with it for as long as I exist."
( Speak now.... )
( We do your bidding... )
He heard footsteps approaching the door, footsteps only his own elven ears could hear. No other creature could detect such a light step, the almost silent gait of his people. The soft rustle of flowing robes over a smooth floor, the kiss of bare feet on the cool surface.
( Tell us what you will us to do... )
Legolas heard the door open but he did not turn around. He felt the weight of a heavy gaze upon the back of his head and he bowed down to its power. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the warm breeze that had suddenly entered the room touch his face.
"I choose life."