It was late, and Rupert Giles found himself alone in his bed, unable to
sleep. Buffy had been gone for at least a two hours, and he could still
feel her presence in his room. It wasn't the residual scent of her hair on
the pillows, it was something else, and it left Rupert disquieted. He felt
absolutely out of sorts, the sheets didn't feel right against his skin, his
blankets were too heavy, the ticking of the alarm clock too loud and the
longer he lay there, the worse the feeling became. The agitation he was
feeling finally drove him from his bed and down into his kitchen. He
became completely disoriented on his way down the stairs, and had to stop
and rest head against the wall twice before he made it to the kitchen.
The kettle on the stove was just beginning to hiss when Rupert thought of a possible source of information regarding his insomnia. He turned off the burner and left his teacup empty, approaching one of the large old steamer trunks in his living room with vague curiosity. It looked like he would be up all night anyway, he thought, what harm can it do?
As he opened the lid and looked in on the trunk's contents, he lifted out a few of the newer books and set them aside, digging deep into the secrets of the Watchers. Rupert mumbled to himself, "The Diaries… I hope it's not bad news …."
-------------
Knowing they had the day to prepare and not enough hands for it all, Buffy went to bed almost immediately to get some sleep. She was tired and the anxiety she felt about this day was making it difficult for her to be around other people. She hoped that Giles would come home soon, and thought of him as she fell asleep.
After sunrise, Joyce Summer's tastefully decorated living room was shrouded by dusty drapes; Dawn and Angel had sat up talking all night and into the morning.
"Angel? Can I ask you something?" Dawn was wrapped in a heavy, dark paisley blanket on the couch in the living room. She had stayed with Angel talking for a bit longer, not wanting to be alone with her thoughts about the day, about her sister.
"Anything, Dawn. Shoot." She probably had questions about death, the afterlife, thinking Angel was some sort of undead death expert; he wasn't prepared for her question.
"What do you think of Mr. Giles?"
"What? Why do you want to know?" Dawn gave him an expectant look, he knew better than to question, "Well, Rupert and I have a complicated relationship… after me killing his girlfriend and torturing him and all, but I really like the guy." He grinned sheepishly, and looked into the little girl's eyes. She was so sad.
Dawn smiled, grateful for Angel's wry answer, "Do you think he'll take good care of Buffy?"
"He always has, I don't see what would be keeping him from it now." Angel could tell that Dawn was fishing for information and he couldn't help but want to tell her what he had discovered last night about Giles and Buffy.
"I don't mean, like, always, I mean like how things are now."
"Dawn, now that you're mother is gone…"
"So, you think they were just waiting for her to leave or die so they could 'get it on'."
"What? Dawn!" Angel jumped off the couch for a moment, Dawn had to pull him back down and quiet him.
Dawn placed her hand over Angel's mouth, "Shh! You'll wake Buffy up! And I don't want her to know that I know, okay?"
"Know what?" From the look on Dawn's face, he could tell it was pointless to play dumb. Nevertheless… in two days? How could Dawn figure it out in two days? "Okay, I know, but how did you figure it out?"
"I talked to Buffy about Giles, but not in this way, and she kind of explained things between them without the sex part. Then I saw them in the hallway, she was hugging him the way she used to hug you, and they seemed in a hurry to stop when I showed up. And I don't know what she told you, but I think she went over there last night. She wasn't dusty from the vamps at all." She took a long dramatic pause, "I don't have any solid proof yet, but the circumstances are pointing to the two of them having an affair."
Angel stared at her, surprised and wide-eyed, "Dawn, you are more intelligent and observant than anyone gives you credit for."
She shrugged, "Thanks."
"How do you feel about them being together?" Angel expected Dawn to have strong feelings about Giles and Buffy being together, possibly negative, so her answer caught him off guard.
"Mostly, I'm worried about how she's going to react to Dad."
"Why? You said the lawyer stuff was all taken care of."
"He called last night and said he wasn't coming. He couldn't make it. His new wife or something." Dawn became very interested in the pattern of the blanket that was covering her, tracing a small swirl repeatedly with her finger. He could tell she was disappointed, and confused, about her father.
"Why didn't you tell her right away, Dawn? She's, she's gonna… I don't know what, but this is going to hit her hard."
"I know, I think she might blame herself. When we called him, she said she wouldn't be surprised if he came for me, but not for her," Dawn sighed, "She knows that he doesn't make her a priority, but what if she thinks I'm lumped in with her now? Like, he'd rather leave me orphaned than see her."
"Dawn, I think Buffy will be fine. But you need to tell her."
The girl rolled her eyes, "Can I wait until after I get some sleep?"
Angel tried to look at her sternly, but he couldn't. He couldn't pretend to be disappointed in her behavior; she was dealing really well with everything.
"Okay. I'm going to crash in the basement, so come get me when the sun goes down."
"Okay, Angel. Thanks for coming." She leaned over and hugged him, Angel closed his eyes, he hadn't been hugged in a long time and he forgot how good it felt to just be there for it.
"No problem, kiddo." She pulled away and grimaced at him, "Sorry, you're not a kid anymore."
She smiled, "That's okay, I'll see you later."
"See ya."
Dawn hauled the blanket off the couch and wandered up the stairs to her room, actually, she probably went to Joyce's room, and Angel walked into the kitchen just in time to catch Rupert Giles coming in the back door.
It was a moment that neither one of them knew how to deal with. Giles had a leather bound book under his arm, a brown bag full of groceries in one hand and the doorknob in the other. His gut reaction was to just back out and close the door, open it again and see if Angel was still there. So, he did, and when he reopened the door, the vampire was still there.
Angel thought of all the things he could do to that man, all the pain he could cause him, and then he thought of all the things he had done to that man and all the pain he had caused him. He felt the fight go out of him. He didn't hate Rupert, he didn't know how to do it and he didn't want Buffy to be a point of contention. He had worked it out with her; he had no issues with Giles.
Giving a halfhearted wave, Angel kind of smiled at the man standing in the doorway. "Hi, Rupert, I'm really here."
Giles sighed and shifted his weight, "I was hoping you were a figment of my imagination."
"Sorry to disappoint you." He could see that Rupert was struggling to find something to say, but Angel needed to sleep and he didn't want to get into it with the man, not to mention he was in this situation with the upper hand, Angel couldn't help but feel a little cocky in this situation. "Listen, Rupert, I know you're probably trying to find a way to tell me something…"
Rupert felt a surge of hostility, he did not need this man's approval, nor was he seeking it. At most, he was looking to avoid a confrontation that would do nothing more than upset Buffy even further. He abruptly cut the vampire off, "About Buffy and I, Angel, please, I am not stupid. I knew if you showed up here, you'd figure it out. I do study vampires and demons for a living. I know about your sensitive sense of smell." Giles walked over to the island in the center of the kitchen and set down his grocery bag. Keeping the book in his hands, he gave Angel a sly, cold look. "I'm sure I don't need to explain anything to you."
Angel looked at him in mild surprise; he was surprised a lot here tonight, "In that case, Rupert, I'll be in the basement sleeping. Have a Nice Day." He spread his arms out, palms open, and backed away towards the basement.
"Good Day, Angel." He set the book down and watched the vamp go down to the basement while he began unloading groceries. It always amazed him when he stood up to people, or creatures, because despite his tough youth Rupert had never really dealt in face-to-face confrontation. He was a perpetrator of victimless crimes like vandalism and raising demons from other realms, but his turn as Buffy's Watcher had changed him; it had given him the ability to deal with people in almost every situation. He loved her for it and he thought of these things while he made her breakfast.
-------------
The breakfast tray was set on the nightstand next to Buffy's bed, the leather-bound volume perched next to it, and they the only two witnesses while Giles studied the Slayer's form as he sat on the bed next to her. He had always tried to fathom how such a small person could be so powerful, but as she lay there sleeping he couldn't help but noticing the scars that covered her body. She was lying on her stomach, her back exposed from nape to small. Cuts, scrapes, and some old scars from stitches formed a map of her life, stretching across her back and her arms. Each one signaling a small defeat or a hard won victory. Most of them looked to be caused by falling against something or being cut quickly, none as severe as the bite mark on her neck or the stab wound on her abdomen, which was still bruised and tender to the touch. He worried about how long it took her to recover from that attack, how she had fought and patrolled regularly after it happened. Her health was so precarious and precious. He dared not consider it too much, lest he become agitated again. He glided his hand across her back, and felt his agitation melt away, just as he expected.
Buffy stirred, she slowly opened one eye, and looked over her shoulder at Giles, "Hey, what time is it?"
"It's about nine thirty. I've made you breakfast." Giles pointed to the tray on the nightstand, Buffy could see that there were pancakes, coffee and orange juice. "If you'd like it."
"Nine-thirty? Wow, six hours of sleep." She yawned and rubbed her eyes, rolled over onto her back and sat up. She leaned over and kissed Rupert, "I would love some delicious pancakes."
Giles carefully handed her the tray and picked up the coffee, "This is for me, but you can have some if you'd like…" Buffy shook her head no as she began attacking the short stack. "So, you were up late last night." He meant it as a question, hoping to get a full answer out of her, but feared that she would keep something from him.
"Yeah, I met Angel while I made my sweep through the cemetery last night. We came back here and he and Dawn stayed up talking all night. Y'know remembering the old days." She smiled at him before she took another bite; Giles took a sip of his coffee. "How about you? Did you sleep well?"
Before he answered, Giles reached over and picked up the book, he could feel Buffy tense up. He heard her fork hit the plate with a clang as she reached over him and set it on the nightstand. He looked at Buffy, her face full of fear and sadness. She swallowed heavily before she spoke.
"Giles, I thought you said you weren't going to research this, you said you just wanted it to be about us."
"That's just it, Buffy, I was going to leave it alone, but last night, after you left, I couldn't sleep…"
She interrupted fiercely, "So you went into research mode? 'Nothing the like a hot cup of tea and The Watcher's Diaries to send little Giles off to Slumberland?' Why couldn't you leave it alone?" Buffy was practically screaming at him, and the tears were starting boil in her eyes.
"Buffy, it's not like that." He reached out to touch her arm, and they were jolted by a shot of energy. "That's what I'm talking about, do you feel it?" Buffy nodded, but the frightened look on her face became more intense, "That is the physical manifestation of our auras becoming attuned. Watchers are like metaphysical tuning forks when it comes to Slayers, I'm like a strange mirror absorbing and then reflecting your energy and when you're gone there's nothing to reflect. It leaves me completely out of sorts."
"Are you okay?" Buffy looked confused, but was following along enough to ask questions, "Why didn't you tell me this before? Why didn't we know about this before?"
Giles felt himself about to stumble, "I knew about the practice of Watchers marrying, or at least having a sexual relationship with, Slayers, but not about the attunement. It was done to guarantee loyalty." Giles realized that Buffy would need a history lesson. A brief one, at least. "The practice of intermarriage was officially eliminated in the 17th Century, but social norms would have put it out of favor eventually. Watchers tended to be older, even older then me, and Slayers even younger, 12 or 13 years old. It was a relationship characterized by the domination of the Watcher over the Slayer."
"Gross. That would be like Dawn and Quentin Travers." A shiver of disgust passed over Buffy. "Why did I just give myself that mental picture?"
Giles made a sour face at Buffy, "I don't know, but thank you for sharing."
Buffy smiled, and shrugged her shoulders, signaling Giles to continue, "The paramount reason for the practice being terminated was that there were rarely children from these unions, and Watchers often committed suicide after the death of their Slayer. No heirs to the Watchers were produced and vast amounts of knowledge were lost. The Watchers faced a shortage in their population and began recruiting outside of the traditional bloodlines. As a result, Watchers became less likely to be sensitive to their Slayers and as the final stroke, unions were absolutely forbidden and consorting with your Slayer grounds for immediate, um, dismissal."
"You mean execution, don't you?" Buffy reached out touched his face, and Giles felt frightened for a moment. "Why didn't you tell me this stuff when we were in intense training mode?"
"It didn't apply to us before." He grasped her hand, "and, well, there was never any real proof of the marriages, just obscure references in some of The Diaries from many, many years ago."
Buffy sighed, "So, you pieced this together last night?"
"No, this is the work of many years of study, but last night, when I couldn't sleep, I felt absolutely agitated and out of sorts. Nothing felt right, I was crawling in my own skin, I felt lost in my own home, and I remembered a passage in one of the older books," He held up the book he had brought with him. "In it, a Watcher mentions the same symptoms, making the vaguest references as to how or why he feels this way." Giles flipped to a marked page, "A rough translation of the Armenian is 'haven't slept, without her here, my belongings feel like the are someone else's. She is gone and my spirit feels trapped inside this body since we touched in the most intimate of …'" Giles coughed, "Well, you get the idea."
"On a sweet note, Giles, you're blushing! And on a not so sweet note, you didn't notice this before?"
"In my defense, he uses nothing but pronouns in the whole damn thing, which is a common practice in Watcher's diaries, but the last time I read this one I was just learning Armenian. I had no idea to whom he was referring. Nevertheless, the intensity of the emotion was exactly as I remembered it. I think my predecessor experienced the very thing I am going through now."
"Not to rain on your parade, but why don't I feel the super-separation anxiety? I didn't have any thing close to the reaction you're describing."
"It's simple, Buffy," Giles smiled, "My aura has probably been attuned to yours in some way since I first became your Watcher, that's what makes me a Watcher, my bloodlines go back for centuries. The intensity of it has increased as our relationship changed. That's why you feel it when we make physical contact; you feel me reflecting your energy back at you."
"So what does it mean?" Buffy wanted Giles to give her a pat, simple answer. She needed one.
"For us, it means a choice. We can continue this relationship or we can let it go. Put it off to you being grief-sick and me a being a lonely old man."
"Giles," Buffy's voice was so quiet and thick with tears that Rupert could barely hear her, "Why… come here? Why say that?"
"Buffy, I love you, but if this attunement makes us inseparable… What kind of life will we have?"
"Rupert, my mommy died," Buffy choked back a sob, "the funeral is today. What kind of life do I have now?"
Buffy paused and took in several shaky breaths, and she looked him in the eye; "I'm just trying to make it to tomorrow. If you're scared, and you want to run away, I can't stop you, but if I'm what you've wanted all of these years, what you've been meant for, aren't you just ruining things for yourself? I don't need this garbage dumped on me today. And least of all from you."
Rupert Giles couldn't help himself; he pulled Buffy to him and held her tightly, "You've never called me Rupert before. I don't know how to react." They both laughed a little.
"Buffy, I'm sorry, I love you and I want to be with you, but my fear...I never thought that I'd be able to recover from losing you and now, with this attunement… I don't know which way is up… I never should have said that. I'm sorry."
He kissed her, and any sadness that he had caused was immediately replaced by overwhelming physical sensations. Buffy began pulling him down onto the bed, with clear intentions.
"I knew it!"
The shrill voice that erupted behind her caused Buffy to whirl around, which in turn caught Giles off balance and sent him crashing to the floor. When Buffy matched the voice to the face, she became livid.
"I knew you guys were sleeping together!" The fourteen-year-old girl had a smug look on her face, which only enraged her sister more.
"Dawn! Get out!" Buffy jumped off the bed and began chasing her out of the room.
The kettle on the stove was just beginning to hiss when Rupert thought of a possible source of information regarding his insomnia. He turned off the burner and left his teacup empty, approaching one of the large old steamer trunks in his living room with vague curiosity. It looked like he would be up all night anyway, he thought, what harm can it do?
As he opened the lid and looked in on the trunk's contents, he lifted out a few of the newer books and set them aside, digging deep into the secrets of the Watchers. Rupert mumbled to himself, "The Diaries… I hope it's not bad news …."
-------------
Knowing they had the day to prepare and not enough hands for it all, Buffy went to bed almost immediately to get some sleep. She was tired and the anxiety she felt about this day was making it difficult for her to be around other people. She hoped that Giles would come home soon, and thought of him as she fell asleep.
After sunrise, Joyce Summer's tastefully decorated living room was shrouded by dusty drapes; Dawn and Angel had sat up talking all night and into the morning.
"Angel? Can I ask you something?" Dawn was wrapped in a heavy, dark paisley blanket on the couch in the living room. She had stayed with Angel talking for a bit longer, not wanting to be alone with her thoughts about the day, about her sister.
"Anything, Dawn. Shoot." She probably had questions about death, the afterlife, thinking Angel was some sort of undead death expert; he wasn't prepared for her question.
"What do you think of Mr. Giles?"
"What? Why do you want to know?" Dawn gave him an expectant look, he knew better than to question, "Well, Rupert and I have a complicated relationship… after me killing his girlfriend and torturing him and all, but I really like the guy." He grinned sheepishly, and looked into the little girl's eyes. She was so sad.
Dawn smiled, grateful for Angel's wry answer, "Do you think he'll take good care of Buffy?"
"He always has, I don't see what would be keeping him from it now." Angel could tell that Dawn was fishing for information and he couldn't help but want to tell her what he had discovered last night about Giles and Buffy.
"I don't mean, like, always, I mean like how things are now."
"Dawn, now that you're mother is gone…"
"So, you think they were just waiting for her to leave or die so they could 'get it on'."
"What? Dawn!" Angel jumped off the couch for a moment, Dawn had to pull him back down and quiet him.
Dawn placed her hand over Angel's mouth, "Shh! You'll wake Buffy up! And I don't want her to know that I know, okay?"
"Know what?" From the look on Dawn's face, he could tell it was pointless to play dumb. Nevertheless… in two days? How could Dawn figure it out in two days? "Okay, I know, but how did you figure it out?"
"I talked to Buffy about Giles, but not in this way, and she kind of explained things between them without the sex part. Then I saw them in the hallway, she was hugging him the way she used to hug you, and they seemed in a hurry to stop when I showed up. And I don't know what she told you, but I think she went over there last night. She wasn't dusty from the vamps at all." She took a long dramatic pause, "I don't have any solid proof yet, but the circumstances are pointing to the two of them having an affair."
Angel stared at her, surprised and wide-eyed, "Dawn, you are more intelligent and observant than anyone gives you credit for."
She shrugged, "Thanks."
"How do you feel about them being together?" Angel expected Dawn to have strong feelings about Giles and Buffy being together, possibly negative, so her answer caught him off guard.
"Mostly, I'm worried about how she's going to react to Dad."
"Why? You said the lawyer stuff was all taken care of."
"He called last night and said he wasn't coming. He couldn't make it. His new wife or something." Dawn became very interested in the pattern of the blanket that was covering her, tracing a small swirl repeatedly with her finger. He could tell she was disappointed, and confused, about her father.
"Why didn't you tell her right away, Dawn? She's, she's gonna… I don't know what, but this is going to hit her hard."
"I know, I think she might blame herself. When we called him, she said she wouldn't be surprised if he came for me, but not for her," Dawn sighed, "She knows that he doesn't make her a priority, but what if she thinks I'm lumped in with her now? Like, he'd rather leave me orphaned than see her."
"Dawn, I think Buffy will be fine. But you need to tell her."
The girl rolled her eyes, "Can I wait until after I get some sleep?"
Angel tried to look at her sternly, but he couldn't. He couldn't pretend to be disappointed in her behavior; she was dealing really well with everything.
"Okay. I'm going to crash in the basement, so come get me when the sun goes down."
"Okay, Angel. Thanks for coming." She leaned over and hugged him, Angel closed his eyes, he hadn't been hugged in a long time and he forgot how good it felt to just be there for it.
"No problem, kiddo." She pulled away and grimaced at him, "Sorry, you're not a kid anymore."
She smiled, "That's okay, I'll see you later."
"See ya."
Dawn hauled the blanket off the couch and wandered up the stairs to her room, actually, she probably went to Joyce's room, and Angel walked into the kitchen just in time to catch Rupert Giles coming in the back door.
It was a moment that neither one of them knew how to deal with. Giles had a leather bound book under his arm, a brown bag full of groceries in one hand and the doorknob in the other. His gut reaction was to just back out and close the door, open it again and see if Angel was still there. So, he did, and when he reopened the door, the vampire was still there.
Angel thought of all the things he could do to that man, all the pain he could cause him, and then he thought of all the things he had done to that man and all the pain he had caused him. He felt the fight go out of him. He didn't hate Rupert, he didn't know how to do it and he didn't want Buffy to be a point of contention. He had worked it out with her; he had no issues with Giles.
Giving a halfhearted wave, Angel kind of smiled at the man standing in the doorway. "Hi, Rupert, I'm really here."
Giles sighed and shifted his weight, "I was hoping you were a figment of my imagination."
"Sorry to disappoint you." He could see that Rupert was struggling to find something to say, but Angel needed to sleep and he didn't want to get into it with the man, not to mention he was in this situation with the upper hand, Angel couldn't help but feel a little cocky in this situation. "Listen, Rupert, I know you're probably trying to find a way to tell me something…"
Rupert felt a surge of hostility, he did not need this man's approval, nor was he seeking it. At most, he was looking to avoid a confrontation that would do nothing more than upset Buffy even further. He abruptly cut the vampire off, "About Buffy and I, Angel, please, I am not stupid. I knew if you showed up here, you'd figure it out. I do study vampires and demons for a living. I know about your sensitive sense of smell." Giles walked over to the island in the center of the kitchen and set down his grocery bag. Keeping the book in his hands, he gave Angel a sly, cold look. "I'm sure I don't need to explain anything to you."
Angel looked at him in mild surprise; he was surprised a lot here tonight, "In that case, Rupert, I'll be in the basement sleeping. Have a Nice Day." He spread his arms out, palms open, and backed away towards the basement.
"Good Day, Angel." He set the book down and watched the vamp go down to the basement while he began unloading groceries. It always amazed him when he stood up to people, or creatures, because despite his tough youth Rupert had never really dealt in face-to-face confrontation. He was a perpetrator of victimless crimes like vandalism and raising demons from other realms, but his turn as Buffy's Watcher had changed him; it had given him the ability to deal with people in almost every situation. He loved her for it and he thought of these things while he made her breakfast.
-------------
The breakfast tray was set on the nightstand next to Buffy's bed, the leather-bound volume perched next to it, and they the only two witnesses while Giles studied the Slayer's form as he sat on the bed next to her. He had always tried to fathom how such a small person could be so powerful, but as she lay there sleeping he couldn't help but noticing the scars that covered her body. She was lying on her stomach, her back exposed from nape to small. Cuts, scrapes, and some old scars from stitches formed a map of her life, stretching across her back and her arms. Each one signaling a small defeat or a hard won victory. Most of them looked to be caused by falling against something or being cut quickly, none as severe as the bite mark on her neck or the stab wound on her abdomen, which was still bruised and tender to the touch. He worried about how long it took her to recover from that attack, how she had fought and patrolled regularly after it happened. Her health was so precarious and precious. He dared not consider it too much, lest he become agitated again. He glided his hand across her back, and felt his agitation melt away, just as he expected.
Buffy stirred, she slowly opened one eye, and looked over her shoulder at Giles, "Hey, what time is it?"
"It's about nine thirty. I've made you breakfast." Giles pointed to the tray on the nightstand, Buffy could see that there were pancakes, coffee and orange juice. "If you'd like it."
"Nine-thirty? Wow, six hours of sleep." She yawned and rubbed her eyes, rolled over onto her back and sat up. She leaned over and kissed Rupert, "I would love some delicious pancakes."
Giles carefully handed her the tray and picked up the coffee, "This is for me, but you can have some if you'd like…" Buffy shook her head no as she began attacking the short stack. "So, you were up late last night." He meant it as a question, hoping to get a full answer out of her, but feared that she would keep something from him.
"Yeah, I met Angel while I made my sweep through the cemetery last night. We came back here and he and Dawn stayed up talking all night. Y'know remembering the old days." She smiled at him before she took another bite; Giles took a sip of his coffee. "How about you? Did you sleep well?"
Before he answered, Giles reached over and picked up the book, he could feel Buffy tense up. He heard her fork hit the plate with a clang as she reached over him and set it on the nightstand. He looked at Buffy, her face full of fear and sadness. She swallowed heavily before she spoke.
"Giles, I thought you said you weren't going to research this, you said you just wanted it to be about us."
"That's just it, Buffy, I was going to leave it alone, but last night, after you left, I couldn't sleep…"
She interrupted fiercely, "So you went into research mode? 'Nothing the like a hot cup of tea and The Watcher's Diaries to send little Giles off to Slumberland?' Why couldn't you leave it alone?" Buffy was practically screaming at him, and the tears were starting boil in her eyes.
"Buffy, it's not like that." He reached out to touch her arm, and they were jolted by a shot of energy. "That's what I'm talking about, do you feel it?" Buffy nodded, but the frightened look on her face became more intense, "That is the physical manifestation of our auras becoming attuned. Watchers are like metaphysical tuning forks when it comes to Slayers, I'm like a strange mirror absorbing and then reflecting your energy and when you're gone there's nothing to reflect. It leaves me completely out of sorts."
"Are you okay?" Buffy looked confused, but was following along enough to ask questions, "Why didn't you tell me this before? Why didn't we know about this before?"
Giles felt himself about to stumble, "I knew about the practice of Watchers marrying, or at least having a sexual relationship with, Slayers, but not about the attunement. It was done to guarantee loyalty." Giles realized that Buffy would need a history lesson. A brief one, at least. "The practice of intermarriage was officially eliminated in the 17th Century, but social norms would have put it out of favor eventually. Watchers tended to be older, even older then me, and Slayers even younger, 12 or 13 years old. It was a relationship characterized by the domination of the Watcher over the Slayer."
"Gross. That would be like Dawn and Quentin Travers." A shiver of disgust passed over Buffy. "Why did I just give myself that mental picture?"
Giles made a sour face at Buffy, "I don't know, but thank you for sharing."
Buffy smiled, and shrugged her shoulders, signaling Giles to continue, "The paramount reason for the practice being terminated was that there were rarely children from these unions, and Watchers often committed suicide after the death of their Slayer. No heirs to the Watchers were produced and vast amounts of knowledge were lost. The Watchers faced a shortage in their population and began recruiting outside of the traditional bloodlines. As a result, Watchers became less likely to be sensitive to their Slayers and as the final stroke, unions were absolutely forbidden and consorting with your Slayer grounds for immediate, um, dismissal."
"You mean execution, don't you?" Buffy reached out touched his face, and Giles felt frightened for a moment. "Why didn't you tell me this stuff when we were in intense training mode?"
"It didn't apply to us before." He grasped her hand, "and, well, there was never any real proof of the marriages, just obscure references in some of The Diaries from many, many years ago."
Buffy sighed, "So, you pieced this together last night?"
"No, this is the work of many years of study, but last night, when I couldn't sleep, I felt absolutely agitated and out of sorts. Nothing felt right, I was crawling in my own skin, I felt lost in my own home, and I remembered a passage in one of the older books," He held up the book he had brought with him. "In it, a Watcher mentions the same symptoms, making the vaguest references as to how or why he feels this way." Giles flipped to a marked page, "A rough translation of the Armenian is 'haven't slept, without her here, my belongings feel like the are someone else's. She is gone and my spirit feels trapped inside this body since we touched in the most intimate of …'" Giles coughed, "Well, you get the idea."
"On a sweet note, Giles, you're blushing! And on a not so sweet note, you didn't notice this before?"
"In my defense, he uses nothing but pronouns in the whole damn thing, which is a common practice in Watcher's diaries, but the last time I read this one I was just learning Armenian. I had no idea to whom he was referring. Nevertheless, the intensity of the emotion was exactly as I remembered it. I think my predecessor experienced the very thing I am going through now."
"Not to rain on your parade, but why don't I feel the super-separation anxiety? I didn't have any thing close to the reaction you're describing."
"It's simple, Buffy," Giles smiled, "My aura has probably been attuned to yours in some way since I first became your Watcher, that's what makes me a Watcher, my bloodlines go back for centuries. The intensity of it has increased as our relationship changed. That's why you feel it when we make physical contact; you feel me reflecting your energy back at you."
"So what does it mean?" Buffy wanted Giles to give her a pat, simple answer. She needed one.
"For us, it means a choice. We can continue this relationship or we can let it go. Put it off to you being grief-sick and me a being a lonely old man."
"Giles," Buffy's voice was so quiet and thick with tears that Rupert could barely hear her, "Why… come here? Why say that?"
"Buffy, I love you, but if this attunement makes us inseparable… What kind of life will we have?"
"Rupert, my mommy died," Buffy choked back a sob, "the funeral is today. What kind of life do I have now?"
Buffy paused and took in several shaky breaths, and she looked him in the eye; "I'm just trying to make it to tomorrow. If you're scared, and you want to run away, I can't stop you, but if I'm what you've wanted all of these years, what you've been meant for, aren't you just ruining things for yourself? I don't need this garbage dumped on me today. And least of all from you."
Rupert Giles couldn't help himself; he pulled Buffy to him and held her tightly, "You've never called me Rupert before. I don't know how to react." They both laughed a little.
"Buffy, I'm sorry, I love you and I want to be with you, but my fear...I never thought that I'd be able to recover from losing you and now, with this attunement… I don't know which way is up… I never should have said that. I'm sorry."
He kissed her, and any sadness that he had caused was immediately replaced by overwhelming physical sensations. Buffy began pulling him down onto the bed, with clear intentions.
"I knew it!"
The shrill voice that erupted behind her caused Buffy to whirl around, which in turn caught Giles off balance and sent him crashing to the floor. When Buffy matched the voice to the face, she became livid.
"I knew you guys were sleeping together!" The fourteen-year-old girl had a smug look on her face, which only enraged her sister more.
"Dawn! Get out!" Buffy jumped off the bed and began chasing her out of the room.