A few days, and twenty seven bunches of grapes, later, Rimmer felt as fit and mobile as anyone with a vast lump of illegally decorated plaster-of-paris stuck to their leg could be. Giving the Medi-bay a hearty two fingered salute goodbye, he limped awkwardly into the drive room, where an animated discussion seemed to be taking place.

"All I'm saying is, just because there's a huge, dangerous looking, swooshy vermilion spirally-thing only a couple of clicks away, it doesn't mean that we're going to get dragged into it."

"Get real, gerbil cheeks. Anything that bizarre and perilous looking, has got to have us on its Christmas list!"

Kryten nodded anxiously, crinkling his forehead almost curved.

"I'm afraid the Cat has a point, Mr. Lister, sir. By my calculations we have a 99.879 percent chance of somehow being pulled off course and sucked horribly into its gaping, hungry maw."

"Oh God."

Rimmer, who had been frozen in a rictus of horror throughout this pleasant chat, finally thudded to the floor in a dead faint. The word "maw" was never involved in anything pleasant. Lister rolled his eyes at both Kryten and Rimmer simultaneously- which made him a little cross-eyed- while the Cat smiled with genuine joy. This was the sort of entertainment he needed to keep his mind off the spirally-thing. Dangerous, prone to looming and a colour that clashed with everything? he shuddered at the thought.

"Right." said Lister, as Rimmer came to and dragged himself onto a chair, "Listen. Holly's functioning normally, well…sort of…" Holly grinned vacantly. " all systems are bug free for once, even the fluffy dice boing up and down when you twang them. I'll say it again. We are totally, totally, safe."

With a smugly perfect sense of timing, a wave of extraordinary force rocked the Dwarf, sending the crew sprawling and sparks of various pretty colours to fly from the control panels. Holly appeared on the screen, splintered, reappeared swiftly in the forms of an Arabian camel, a small pink plastic toothpick, a half man, half biscuit and, for one hideous moment, Timmy Mallett before reassembling as Holly.

"Shock supernova hit by got! Squirrel. Course thrown off. Spiral weird heading toward the. Ouch."

She blinked rapidly.

"I feel like I've drunk an entire ocean of electronic Vodkas."

Rimmer pushed himself onto his elbows- attempting the chair again seemed like tempting fate just now. He was reminded painfully of his now physical form by a number of awkwardly placed bruises.

"So let me guess, gentlemen. This Supernova shockwave has sent us, not only way, way off course, but directly into that delightful, sucky Spiral of Death thingy you were just discussing. Without me, I might add."

"Come on, Rimmer, we'd only just discovered it before you turned up. Anyway, we thought you were resting."

Rimmer snorted, something his nostrils were supernaturally good at. Kryten, meanwhile had made it to his feet and was checking out the instruments.

"Much as I hate to admit it, I'm afraid Mr. Rimmer is bang on the money. We appear to be locked in a direct collision course with the space anomaly. Permission to whimper slightly, sirs."

Inexorably, the battered red ship hurtled into the vermilion spiral. Anyone watching at that precise moment would feel the true meaning of the word eyesore. Inside the ship, the crew had mercifully blacked out, just before their molecules were ripped apart, dragged across space and time, and jammed back together again with all the delicacy of a football hooligan with a freakish excess of thumbs.

They woke slowly and by degrees.

Lister was filled with a sense of well-being. He couldn't remember for the moment who he was, or where he was but he felt that he was safe, cuddled up with his teddy, Bingle. Bingle was warm and comforting and oddly large. Also, he seemed to be made in parts of fabric and his fur was strangely curly and not quite as soft as usual…and he was muttering something about…soup?

Lister disentangled himself as Rimmer came to groggily, and less than happily. He had been having an extremely pleasant dream, until memories and then real life butted in. A little way off, Kryten jerked awake and the Cat stood up and stretched. Nobody seemed to be seriously hurt.

"Holly? Where are we?"

Holly blinked onto the screen with a more than usually baffled expression.

"We're not on any of the charts I have in my databases. I can't find us anywhere."

They gazed at the screen, which showed only a blackness filled with distant twinkly stars. There was nothing to distinguish it from the normal view from the ship.

"Cat? Can you smell anything?"

The Cat wrinkled his nose.

"Only Lister's armpits. Hang on." He shook his head decisively. "There isn't a solid object within miles from here- unless you count the contents of Laser Nostril's trousers."

Rimmer raked him with a contemptuous glance, then gave it a couple more rakes for effect. Sadly, the Cat completely ignored his best and most penetrating glare, leaving him with eyestrain and a vaguely silly feeling. He sighed.

"So we're in an uncharted area of space with no map, no knowledge of what's out there and no-one to ask for directions? Pretty much business as usual then."