Linkio is in the HOUSE!!Not really but I always wanted my own special TV
show just so some big announcer guy could say that.I'd call it Link-
Live.Cool,eh?
Before I begin another tale of bore,I have to tell you something really
creepy:
Saria is actually 54.
Scary,huh?At first,I didn't believe her,since I figured she was just a couple years older than me.She had told me at my last birthday party.I promised not to tell anyone this but what the hey?Who would you tell?
Hey...w,where are you going?!
No,seriously(get back here!),I'm not lying!I didn't believe Saria was that old.Sure,she never aged since I was brought to Kokiri Forest as a baby but I just figured she was just flat-chested.Then,she showed me a drawer full of albums and Jimi Hendrix posters.The Great Deku Tree listens to Jazz music so I knew it wasn't his.Plus,Saria never lies.So,they were really hers and not her parents (if Pops isn't her real dad,that is).Weird,huh?I can imagine trying to tell that to someone:
"Oh,my best friend is 54."
"Oh,really?You mean your mother(or grandmother),right?"
"No,I'm not joking.She looks my age but is actually 54."
"Right..."
They'd never believe me.
Chapter Six-The Gigantic Field That Never Ends...(.Okay,So Maybe It Did)
As I stepped out of Kokiri Forest,I breathed in the fresh air of Hyrule Field.I felt independent...free...nothing could stop me now...
"Hoot!Hoot!"Someone cried above me."Hi,Link!"
"Aw,man!"I groaned aloud.This is getting ridiculous!"Leave me the frig alone or I'll shoot you with my slingshot!"I threatened to my hooting enemy.I looked up.
Did that giant owl really just talk to me?"Hoot!Hoot!"It went.
Nah...The new air must have given me quite a buzz...
"Link,you're about to start an incredible adventure!"The voice said above me.
I looked up."Friggin' owl,you can talk,can't you?Read my lips:Beat it!"
Little did I know I had met the most annoying owl in the the world."You are about to venture upon the most remarkable and unforgetable quest in your life,young man!"It told me."This is Hyrule Field.It,you might say,is the inner quad of every other land in Hyrule!"
Did the owl say something worth listening to 'cuz I was listening to my new '8 Mile' CD(Yeah.I know.A Parental Advisory CD but why not sell them to Kokiri when they don't have any parents to begin with?)?.
"~Do not miss your chance to blow,this opportunity comes once in a lifetime!~"I sang to myself as Moron went on:
"And to the north of this land is the castle where Princess Zelda resides!"The owl continued."I see you have your work cut out before you so I shall leave you here to explore on your own!"
With that said,he left.'Useless owl,'I thought to myself while putting my CDs away."Couldn't even tell me where friggin' Princess Zeldy's castle was..' Oh well,screw the owl(and by that,I don't mean literally!).I was going to find Hyrule Castle on my own.
No sooner had I walked out of the path of Kokiri Forest had I discovered a strange looking creature.It,I guess,was a plant and BOY,did I not feel like messing with it right now!
I looked ahead to discover a giant wall surrounding a place in the middle of Hyrule Field.Was this Hyrule Castle?
The moronic owl from before was perched on a tree just near the place I wanted to go.'Man,'I thought to myself.'I don't wanna listen to this buttcrack again.What am I gonna do?'
The idea that popped up into my head instantly that moment was pretty lame.But,I was desperate then so what other choice did I have?
"Tag,you're it!!"I exclaimed to Navi and smacked her on the back.
I couldn't tell whether Navi's shocked face was caused by my hard whack on her just now or the fact that I would actually act five years old like this because of desperation...OF COURSE,I CAN'T SEE HER FACE ANYWAY SO WHAT THE FRIG AM I TALKING ABOUT?!
Thank Din that she didn't question what was going on but,instead,played along...
"Oh,Link!" I hopped back. "You better come back here!I'm gonna tag like you won't believe!"
Hearing that come out of Navi was enough to guarantee dying of laughter.However,I only had time for a small giggle before running one of my lungs out to the big wall place.
I wonder if that dumb owl actually believed we didn't see him because we were playing tag.Or maybe he was a lot smarter than that and thought we were the gayest things he had ever seen in his life...
~~~~~ O ~~~~~
'Queers...'The owl thought to himself.
~~~~~ O ~~~~~
I entered the strange place.Instantly,country music blasted through some invisible speakers."Man,if this is the castle."I said to myself."The princess must be a redneck!"
The place had nothing interesting in it.A couple of horses here and there,which was cool for the first 15 minutes of being there,'cuz I had never actually seen a horse before.Then,you step in a big pile of horse crap and the magic kind of fizzles away...I'm not saying if that's what happened to me,three minutes ago,though.I'm just giving an example...heh...
"Gosh,Link,what did you step in?"Navi asked,suddenly. Stupid fairy!!Shut up!
"Nothing!I was trying to throw a rotten egg at you but missed."I lied.
Navi was ticked at this and looked away.I wonder if there's a guy out there would kill a fairy for a few rupees...I would have already hired him at the beginning!
A minute later...
"Say,bra."I said to Navi,who was trying her best to forget I existed right now."This place blows so I'm busting this joint."
"Whatever."Navi said and disappeared.Why is it that I tick her off but she still remains?Suffering for a dead tree's wish?No one would care if she left so why doesn't she?What more do I have to do?
We exited the farm,which,by the way,had a queer name of Lon Lon Ranch and headed out onto Hyrule Field again.
I begin to notice,shortly after leaving the ranch,that the sky was turning a reddish color.If you do recall,I did live in Kokiri Forest for ten years and that ghetto sky never changed!It was always day!So,this sky was weirding me out,basically.
The worse thing didn't happen until night fell,and MAN,did it fall quickly!I gave it three minutes!!
In the distance, I heard something moving.I squinted in the distance to discover a drawbridge lifting up.'So,that's where the castle is!'I thought to myself.'That's okay!I'll just sleep 'til ten in the morning.It should be down by then.'
I pulled out my sleeping bag and curled up in the middle of the field.
"Hey,what about me?"Hard time giver asked.
"What about you?"
"Where do I sleep?"
"Up my butt and around the corner."I replied sarcastically.
"Seriously,Link!"Navi whined in that high-pitched voice of hers."Didn't you know one of the responsibilities of having a fairy is providing he or she with a place to sleep?It's in the Oath to Owning Celestial Creatures,Vol.5.That's like a bible to you Kokiri!"
"Yeah,but whatever happened to the rule of not wanting a fairy and therefore not having anything to do with it?"I asked,half about to fall asleep.
"I've never heard of it."Squeaky-tell shrugged. "What volume is this rule in?"
"It's common knowledge,dorkis."I sighed.Yeah,I know.I'm being brutal to her but think about it:How the freak am I gonna pick up any chicks in Hyrule if I have a fairy following me around?They're gonna think I'm gay cuz I'm a BOY with a fairy or else,they think Navi's my girlfriend!You get me?
"You're rotten,Link!"Navi began to cry,which,by the way,sounded like a half-deranged dog. "Sometimes I can't believe I'm your guardian!"
"Join the club!"I retorted.This was getting nowhere,however,cuz Navi just cried even more."Okay!Okay!"I relented."You can sleep right beside my pillow but only if you shaddap,RIGHT NOW!"
Navi's tears were gone so fast,I still wonder to this day if she was just crying to get her way.
Just as we were about to sleep,I felt someone poking on my shoulder."What now,Navi?"I asked,JUST ABOUT TO FALL A-FREAKIN'-SLEEP!"Do you want a goodnight kiss?Sorry,but I don't give freebies unless they're earned.Going away just might do it,though!"
"That sounds nice,Link!"Navi giggled."But I didn't even ask for one!"
Why'd I suggest that?!Now,she probably thought I wanted to kiss her goodnight!Gross!
A minute later,the poking on my shoulder commenced.
"Cut it out,Nav!Geez!I only have five hours left to get some shut eye!"I snapped.
"I didn't do anything to you,Link!Gosh!"Navi protested.
"Right..."I rolled my eyes."I suppose the boogeyman did it,huh?"
The tapping continued."NAVI,GIVE ME A DARN SHOULDER MASSAGE TOMMORROW!!I WANNA SLEEP!!"I howled in a rage.
"Link!I am not doing anything to you!"Navi shouted."Geez!I'm not even near your shoulders!"
It was then that I noticed that Navi was sleeping by my head(gross...).I was lying on my side and the only shoulder up in the air wasn't anywhere near her....and yet still getting tapped.
I looked up.If this thing wasn't the boogeyman,it was sure close!!"AAAHHHH!!!"I yelled.
Four skeleton-like creatures surrounded me.They looked worse than Mido(surprisingly)!I jumped up with a start and grabbed my sleeping bag.
Navi looked ticked that I had pulled my pillow from under her so roughly.Then,she noticed the bony things and instantly forgot how I had wronged her."Your sword,Link!"She shouted.
"My sword?"I asked in confusement,grabbing my crotch.Then,it hit me."Oh!My SWORD!"I pulled it out and killed those fartknockers before you could say "Mido sucks big-time".What could you say about that incident?I was half awake!Half-minded in the gutter.So,sue me!
No sooner had those croakers...err...croaked....did new ones appear!!"What the frig?"I gasped."This blows!There's no point in killing these bozos if they just keep ressurecting faster than Jesus Christ!"
I ran towards the the drawbridge like a lightning bolt as the skeleton creatures followed me."Open up,darnit!"I yelled at it.
Boneheads continued to follow me so I jumped in the moat to avoid them.
"Leave me alone and go eat Navi for me!"I begged them as the creatures jumped into the water...
"Hey,I heard that!"Nav yelled and flew in my direction.
"Oh,Farore!"I begged to the sky."Will the torture ever cease?"
"It will soon,Link.Just wait 'til day."Navi assured me.
If only Navi DID die when the sun came up.After all,that's what I was begging upper help for right now! ~~~~~ O ~~~~~
A while later I woke up to discover it was almost morning.Strange...because it felt like only two minutes ago that it was night time.I didn't realize 'til much later on in crossing Hyrule Field fifty thousand times that time really does go too fast in Hyrule Field!
I had been sleeping on a hard stone ledge near the moat.It was after I had climbed out the water onto this ledge did I discover that the skeleton-like creatures wouldn't come after me as long as I was on that ledge.So,still soaking wet from the moat water,I sprawled out my sleeping bag and went to sleep,Navi still sleeping near my head.
I got up and stretched when morning arrived.I looked down at my sleeping bag(which ,by the way, has Yu-Gi-Oh! on the front) and frowned upon discovering that it had mildewed from my still-soaking wet body.Crap and a half!!
However,to make matters better,Navi was still asleep,not woken up by my getting up.In addition,she had rolled off my pillow some how during the night and was sleeping on the ground.Now was my chance for the getaway!!
Gently(oh so gently!!),I picked up both sleeping bag, pillow,and sheath and packed 'em up as quietly as could be.Then,I tip-toed a good fifty feet away from the slumbering fairy before making a mad dash into Hyrule Castle Town!
Freedom was mine!Can you believe it?Finally,freedom!Freedom!Freedom!FREEDOM!!
I do recalling skipping like a schoolgirl,I was so happy... ;-)
____________________________________________________________________________ ______
Diclaimers!!
Zelda, Jimi Hendrix, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and the 8 Mile movie are without a doubt,not mine so don't even fathom for a millisecond that they are,okay?Okay!Plus,that song Link was singing while the owl was talking is Eminem's,not mine.
Thanks!And by the way,thanks for reading my story!I appreciate it,like any author would!!
Until the next chapter....adieu!
Saria is actually 54.
Scary,huh?At first,I didn't believe her,since I figured she was just a couple years older than me.She had told me at my last birthday party.I promised not to tell anyone this but what the hey?Who would you tell?
Hey...w,where are you going?!
No,seriously(get back here!),I'm not lying!I didn't believe Saria was that old.Sure,she never aged since I was brought to Kokiri Forest as a baby but I just figured she was just flat-chested.Then,she showed me a drawer full of albums and Jimi Hendrix posters.The Great Deku Tree listens to Jazz music so I knew it wasn't his.Plus,Saria never lies.So,they were really hers and not her parents (if Pops isn't her real dad,that is).Weird,huh?I can imagine trying to tell that to someone:
"Oh,my best friend is 54."
"Oh,really?You mean your mother(or grandmother),right?"
"No,I'm not joking.She looks my age but is actually 54."
"Right..."
They'd never believe me.
Chapter Six-The Gigantic Field That Never Ends...(.Okay,So Maybe It Did)
As I stepped out of Kokiri Forest,I breathed in the fresh air of Hyrule Field.I felt independent...free...nothing could stop me now...
"Hoot!Hoot!"Someone cried above me."Hi,Link!"
"Aw,man!"I groaned aloud.This is getting ridiculous!"Leave me the frig alone or I'll shoot you with my slingshot!"I threatened to my hooting enemy.I looked up.
Did that giant owl really just talk to me?"Hoot!Hoot!"It went.
Nah...The new air must have given me quite a buzz...
"Link,you're about to start an incredible adventure!"The voice said above me.
I looked up."Friggin' owl,you can talk,can't you?Read my lips:Beat it!"
Little did I know I had met the most annoying owl in the the world."You are about to venture upon the most remarkable and unforgetable quest in your life,young man!"It told me."This is Hyrule Field.It,you might say,is the inner quad of every other land in Hyrule!"
Did the owl say something worth listening to 'cuz I was listening to my new '8 Mile' CD(Yeah.I know.A Parental Advisory CD but why not sell them to Kokiri when they don't have any parents to begin with?)?.
"~Do not miss your chance to blow,this opportunity comes once in a lifetime!~"I sang to myself as Moron went on:
"And to the north of this land is the castle where Princess Zelda resides!"The owl continued."I see you have your work cut out before you so I shall leave you here to explore on your own!"
With that said,he left.'Useless owl,'I thought to myself while putting my CDs away."Couldn't even tell me where friggin' Princess Zeldy's castle was..' Oh well,screw the owl(and by that,I don't mean literally!).I was going to find Hyrule Castle on my own.
No sooner had I walked out of the path of Kokiri Forest had I discovered a strange looking creature.It,I guess,was a plant and BOY,did I not feel like messing with it right now!
I looked ahead to discover a giant wall surrounding a place in the middle of Hyrule Field.Was this Hyrule Castle?
The moronic owl from before was perched on a tree just near the place I wanted to go.'Man,'I thought to myself.'I don't wanna listen to this buttcrack again.What am I gonna do?'
The idea that popped up into my head instantly that moment was pretty lame.But,I was desperate then so what other choice did I have?
"Tag,you're it!!"I exclaimed to Navi and smacked her on the back.
I couldn't tell whether Navi's shocked face was caused by my hard whack on her just now or the fact that I would actually act five years old like this because of desperation...OF COURSE,I CAN'T SEE HER FACE ANYWAY SO WHAT THE FRIG AM I TALKING ABOUT?!
Thank Din that she didn't question what was going on but,instead,played along...
"Oh,Link!" I hopped back. "You better come back here!I'm gonna tag like you won't believe!"
Hearing that come out of Navi was enough to guarantee dying of laughter.However,I only had time for a small giggle before running one of my lungs out to the big wall place.
I wonder if that dumb owl actually believed we didn't see him because we were playing tag.Or maybe he was a lot smarter than that and thought we were the gayest things he had ever seen in his life...
~~~~~ O ~~~~~
'Queers...'The owl thought to himself.
~~~~~ O ~~~~~
I entered the strange place.Instantly,country music blasted through some invisible speakers."Man,if this is the castle."I said to myself."The princess must be a redneck!"
The place had nothing interesting in it.A couple of horses here and there,which was cool for the first 15 minutes of being there,'cuz I had never actually seen a horse before.Then,you step in a big pile of horse crap and the magic kind of fizzles away...I'm not saying if that's what happened to me,three minutes ago,though.I'm just giving an example...heh...
"Gosh,Link,what did you step in?"Navi asked,suddenly. Stupid fairy!!Shut up!
"Nothing!I was trying to throw a rotten egg at you but missed."I lied.
Navi was ticked at this and looked away.I wonder if there's a guy out there would kill a fairy for a few rupees...I would have already hired him at the beginning!
A minute later...
"Say,bra."I said to Navi,who was trying her best to forget I existed right now."This place blows so I'm busting this joint."
"Whatever."Navi said and disappeared.Why is it that I tick her off but she still remains?Suffering for a dead tree's wish?No one would care if she left so why doesn't she?What more do I have to do?
We exited the farm,which,by the way,had a queer name of Lon Lon Ranch and headed out onto Hyrule Field again.
I begin to notice,shortly after leaving the ranch,that the sky was turning a reddish color.If you do recall,I did live in Kokiri Forest for ten years and that ghetto sky never changed!It was always day!So,this sky was weirding me out,basically.
The worse thing didn't happen until night fell,and MAN,did it fall quickly!I gave it three minutes!!
In the distance, I heard something moving.I squinted in the distance to discover a drawbridge lifting up.'So,that's where the castle is!'I thought to myself.'That's okay!I'll just sleep 'til ten in the morning.It should be down by then.'
I pulled out my sleeping bag and curled up in the middle of the field.
"Hey,what about me?"Hard time giver asked.
"What about you?"
"Where do I sleep?"
"Up my butt and around the corner."I replied sarcastically.
"Seriously,Link!"Navi whined in that high-pitched voice of hers."Didn't you know one of the responsibilities of having a fairy is providing he or she with a place to sleep?It's in the Oath to Owning Celestial Creatures,Vol.5.That's like a bible to you Kokiri!"
"Yeah,but whatever happened to the rule of not wanting a fairy and therefore not having anything to do with it?"I asked,half about to fall asleep.
"I've never heard of it."Squeaky-tell shrugged. "What volume is this rule in?"
"It's common knowledge,dorkis."I sighed.Yeah,I know.I'm being brutal to her but think about it:How the freak am I gonna pick up any chicks in Hyrule if I have a fairy following me around?They're gonna think I'm gay cuz I'm a BOY with a fairy or else,they think Navi's my girlfriend!You get me?
"You're rotten,Link!"Navi began to cry,which,by the way,sounded like a half-deranged dog. "Sometimes I can't believe I'm your guardian!"
"Join the club!"I retorted.This was getting nowhere,however,cuz Navi just cried even more."Okay!Okay!"I relented."You can sleep right beside my pillow but only if you shaddap,RIGHT NOW!"
Navi's tears were gone so fast,I still wonder to this day if she was just crying to get her way.
Just as we were about to sleep,I felt someone poking on my shoulder."What now,Navi?"I asked,JUST ABOUT TO FALL A-FREAKIN'-SLEEP!"Do you want a goodnight kiss?Sorry,but I don't give freebies unless they're earned.Going away just might do it,though!"
"That sounds nice,Link!"Navi giggled."But I didn't even ask for one!"
Why'd I suggest that?!Now,she probably thought I wanted to kiss her goodnight!Gross!
A minute later,the poking on my shoulder commenced.
"Cut it out,Nav!Geez!I only have five hours left to get some shut eye!"I snapped.
"I didn't do anything to you,Link!Gosh!"Navi protested.
"Right..."I rolled my eyes."I suppose the boogeyman did it,huh?"
The tapping continued."NAVI,GIVE ME A DARN SHOULDER MASSAGE TOMMORROW!!I WANNA SLEEP!!"I howled in a rage.
"Link!I am not doing anything to you!"Navi shouted."Geez!I'm not even near your shoulders!"
It was then that I noticed that Navi was sleeping by my head(gross...).I was lying on my side and the only shoulder up in the air wasn't anywhere near her....and yet still getting tapped.
I looked up.If this thing wasn't the boogeyman,it was sure close!!"AAAHHHH!!!"I yelled.
Four skeleton-like creatures surrounded me.They looked worse than Mido(surprisingly)!I jumped up with a start and grabbed my sleeping bag.
Navi looked ticked that I had pulled my pillow from under her so roughly.Then,she noticed the bony things and instantly forgot how I had wronged her."Your sword,Link!"She shouted.
"My sword?"I asked in confusement,grabbing my crotch.Then,it hit me."Oh!My SWORD!"I pulled it out and killed those fartknockers before you could say "Mido sucks big-time".What could you say about that incident?I was half awake!Half-minded in the gutter.So,sue me!
No sooner had those croakers...err...croaked....did new ones appear!!"What the frig?"I gasped."This blows!There's no point in killing these bozos if they just keep ressurecting faster than Jesus Christ!"
I ran towards the the drawbridge like a lightning bolt as the skeleton creatures followed me."Open up,darnit!"I yelled at it.
Boneheads continued to follow me so I jumped in the moat to avoid them.
"Leave me alone and go eat Navi for me!"I begged them as the creatures jumped into the water...
"Hey,I heard that!"Nav yelled and flew in my direction.
"Oh,Farore!"I begged to the sky."Will the torture ever cease?"
"It will soon,Link.Just wait 'til day."Navi assured me.
If only Navi DID die when the sun came up.After all,that's what I was begging upper help for right now! ~~~~~ O ~~~~~
A while later I woke up to discover it was almost morning.Strange...because it felt like only two minutes ago that it was night time.I didn't realize 'til much later on in crossing Hyrule Field fifty thousand times that time really does go too fast in Hyrule Field!
I had been sleeping on a hard stone ledge near the moat.It was after I had climbed out the water onto this ledge did I discover that the skeleton-like creatures wouldn't come after me as long as I was on that ledge.So,still soaking wet from the moat water,I sprawled out my sleeping bag and went to sleep,Navi still sleeping near my head.
I got up and stretched when morning arrived.I looked down at my sleeping bag(which ,by the way, has Yu-Gi-Oh! on the front) and frowned upon discovering that it had mildewed from my still-soaking wet body.Crap and a half!!
However,to make matters better,Navi was still asleep,not woken up by my getting up.In addition,she had rolled off my pillow some how during the night and was sleeping on the ground.Now was my chance for the getaway!!
Gently(oh so gently!!),I picked up both sleeping bag, pillow,and sheath and packed 'em up as quietly as could be.Then,I tip-toed a good fifty feet away from the slumbering fairy before making a mad dash into Hyrule Castle Town!
Freedom was mine!Can you believe it?Finally,freedom!Freedom!Freedom!FREEDOM!!
I do recalling skipping like a schoolgirl,I was so happy... ;-)
____________________________________________________________________________ ______
Diclaimers!!
Zelda, Jimi Hendrix, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and the 8 Mile movie are without a doubt,not mine so don't even fathom for a millisecond that they are,okay?Okay!Plus,that song Link was singing while the owl was talking is Eminem's,not mine.
Thanks!And by the way,thanks for reading my story!I appreciate it,like any author would!!
Until the next chapter....adieu!