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Have you worked out yet that I am completely in love with Matt Hales from aqualung? The man sings from his soul, he's beautiful.
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Thanks to XOX for demanding another chapter… otherwise I would have gone to bed hours ago ;)
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GENTLE – AQUALUNGthis is not the time to wonder why
just let the heart and mind
be still for just some time
this is the time for the rest
just let it go
you know it's for the best
if you're fragile
and you're delicate
take my hand
but be gentle with me please
let the river flow
washing over me
for a while
but be gentle with me please
this is not the time to compromise
if you're feeling it too
then you've realised
this is the time for a change
yes you know it's true
deep down within you
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I can hear him. He's pacing about at the end of the bed. He doesn't see. Doesn't see I'm awake. I scrunch my eyes tightly. I don't want to wake up. I want to go back to that warm, peaceful, dreamless sleep. Why wake up? Why try?
"Katie?" he whispers.
Oliver. That's why.
I open my eyes slowly, feeling the warm light of a new morning playing across my face. The windows are open, the curtains ruffled by the breeze. Oliver. He's leaning over me, quiet, concerned. His brow is knitted. In frustration? Confusion? Fear? Anger? I sigh quietly and close my eyes again.
"No. Katie, you have to wake up," I feel his hand on my arm now and I flinch unconsciously. I look up at him again and his eyes show his fear, his pain, his sadness. What am I doing to this boy, this man? I'm pushing him away. Why? Because I don't trust him? No. Because I do. I trust him, and that is a strange feeling indeed. I love him. A stranger feeling still. "You fainted," he continues as he sits in the chair by my side. "Dumbledore's been to see you. He's worried. I'm worried. You need to tell him…"
"Have you told them?" I ask, I know my voice is quiet, cold. I can see the pain in his eyes. He wants to help, let him! I can't. I can't. I can't let anyone close. Don't you see! Don't you see? I'll only wind up hurting, one way or the other. Or them. Or I'll hurt them, and they'll leave me. That wasn't your fault. It was. He said it was. It always is.
"No," Oliver whispers to me, taking my hand and stroking it gently. "Madam Pomfrey's told him you've got a cold. You're supposed to take it easy till classes start tomorrow. I still think you should tell him though…"
"No." I murmur. "No!" Harsher when I see the determined look in his eyes. "This is my problem, not his, not yours…"
I trail off. He's angry. He tries to control it, but I can see. Doesn't he realise I can tell when someone's angry? Hasn't that crossed his mind?
"I can't let you do this Katie," he sighs. He looks bewildered. Hurt. Angry. He doesn't know what to do, I can see that. He's used to using his fists. Using brute force, on the Quidditch pitch and off. Now what can he do?
"Let me do it my way," I whisper. "Just let it go. You know it's for the best."
He smiles slightly. His head on one side. Then he leans in and rests a delicate kiss on my forehead.
"We've got a match. I have to go. I'll come and get you for dinner. Madam Pomfrey said you could come down to the Great Hall to eat. That okay?"
"Okay," I whisper, trying to catch his gaze. He doesn't look at me; his eyes flicker around as he stands up, never resting on my face.
"Bye," he nods, almost curtly, and turns to leave. Oh God, I'm doing it again. I'm pushing him away; I'm not letting him help. Why? Why can't I let him get close?
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Oliver's POV (just to keep you interested! ;) )
Why's she doing this to me?? She's smashing my heart and pulling it out through my mouth. I can't help her. I can't do anything to help. I can't stop him. If she doesn't let me tell Dumbledore then she'll go back there, Christmas, Easter, the summer. And he'll do it again; he'll beat her, and worse. And I won't be able to stop it. Can't. I'm so frustrated! She's lying there in a hospital bed, white, fragile, delicate. She's so weak. So tired. And I can't do anything! Why's she doing this to me? Doesn't she realise how much I love her? How I've loved her for seven years? I didn't think she'd even look at me. And now? What? I'm her protector? Her knight in shining armour? But she won't let me protect her! Won't let me help! And I can't even stay with her, have to go to a stupid Slytherin Quidditch match, I have to go because I'm captain. I don't want to. I want to stay with her. She's so alone, so fragile and alone. How can I help? What can I do?
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I can feel my blood boiling, my heart pounding. I barely hear Harry as he asks me what's wrong. I ignore the confused looks from the twins. I'm clenching and unclenching my fists, cutting the skin on my palms with my nails each time. I can feel the rage brewing. No lousy game of Quidditch is going to rid me of this. I want something else. Something different. Something more powerful. She hurts. I want to hurt something. Someone.
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I barely notice the gasps from the crowds as I grab the back of his broomstick and pull him to the ground. I can hear Lee screaming over the noise of the crowds, but it mixes with the blood pounding in my ears and I push it away. All I can hear is his sneering voice. Little mudblood girlfriend gone a bit loony has she? He knows he can't beat Harry to the snitch so he distracts me instead, I let in Quaffle after Quaffle, all the while the blood seething in my veins. I can feel a new sort of strength. Anger. Bloodlust. Malfoy's blood. The fear shows on his face as he falls to the ground. He's smaller than me, knows he's no match for me really. Not here. Not on the ground. I grab him by the front of his robes; pull him into a standing position. I don't ask him to repeat himself. I can hear his voice over and over in my head. I'll never forget that sneering voice. Bastard. Before I know what I'm doing I raise my hand and punch him in the face. He gasps and drops to the floor. Dazed. I turn, ready to pick up my broom and go grab a few more Slytherin bastards. But he's sly, he's wily. His father taught him well. He makes a grab for the back of my robes, pulling me down to the ground, knocking the wind from me. And then he's on top of me, hitting me, kicking me, scratching, biting. And I hit back. I'm free at last. The rage is released, and I don't hold back. I feel my fist strike the side of his head again and again until his blows become weaker, more defence now than attack. I find myself back on my feet, kicking, kicking and shouting. Screaming about the injustice of it all. She's in pain. Malfoy's a Slytherin bastard. He should be in pain, he should feel it. Then maybe he would understand, would stop ridiculing her. I don't notice that he's become very still. I can feel my face burning and tears stinging my eyes, but I continue to kick, continue to scream.
I feel rough hands grabbing at me, coarse voices shouting, faces swimming in and out of view as I try to continue my attack on the smaller boy. They hold me back, hitting, punching, kicking me. I fall to the floor; trying to curl my body, avoid the blows. Is this what it feels like for her? Does she feel anger when he hits her? I don't feel pain. Just unspeakable rage. I want to hit him some more. But there isn't the strength. I roll onto my back, trying to force them away, force myself to stand up. And I'm treated to the interesting sight of a Chaser's bat being forced through the air, aimed directly at my face.
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Back to Katie's POV ( ;) )
"Why? Merlin! Why did you do that? I knew you were angry, but I didn't realise you had got that bad. And now it's your turn to lie in a hospital bed, bruised and battered. Your victim, Malfoy, lies in a bed at the opposite end of the ward. He looks worse than you. Why did you do that? I told you it wouldn't help to get angry. I have to deal with this. And now you're not here. I need you. I need you and you're unconscious. Madam Pomfrey seems to think the Slytherins will try and finish you off, them or Lucius Malfoy. She's set a guard. Hagrid. He's sitting at the end of your bed, growling if they so much as look in our direction. They're all here, crowded around his bed. Flint was the one who brought in the bat. Harry thinks he'll get expelled. I think you'll get expelled! You stupid thing. Why did you do that? Did you think it would help? To be angry? You need to be gentle. To be gentle with me, please.
ButThis is not the time to wonder why
Just let the heart and mind
Be still for just some time
This is the time for the rest
Just let it go
You know it's for the best.
Yes, you must rest. I'm going to leave now, Angelina wants to talk to me, she asked me to meet her in the common room at ten. It's nearly that now. Her owl arrived hours ago, just after they dragged you up here on that stretcher and chased the rest of the team away. Yes. I must go. I love you, you know Oliver Wood? Do you realise how much? It hurts my heart to see you lying here like this. I'll come back, when Angelina and I have talked. I'll come back. Until then, Hagrid will take care of you. He's a good man, you'll come to no more harm whilst he's here."
I bend slightly, wincing at the pain of my mended rib, and place a soft, warm, hopeful kiss against his lips. I almost hope that he'll kiss me back, but he doesn't stir. This hurts my heart far worse than anything before. Everything 'he' said, everything 'he' did… that was nothing compared to this. That was pain… this hurts.
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I hurry from the hospital wing, head down, arms folded across my chest. My head is so full of thoughts now. Before there was nothing and now I can barely sort one into it's correct place before the next comes rushing along. The thoughts seem to create a noise in my head, and I rush along the corridors and up the stairs not heading the castle around me. Not noticing the shadow behind me. The soft steps and rustling robes. I don't notice until I feel a hand on my shoulder and scream a silent scream. This, I wasn't expecting. This, I would never have expected. His face leers from the darkness with an evil grin and I back away, terrified. I back straight into a door, straight where he wants me to go. He pushes me into the deserted classroom, and chuckling softly, locks the door behind us.
Yes, you know it's true.
Deep down within you.
Yes, I know it's true. Deep down within me, I know. He's going to hurt me now. He's going to hurt me as much as Oliver hurt Draco, worse. There are things he can do that Oliver would never dream of. I can see it in his eyes; hear it in his ugly voice. I sob, but no sound comes. I'm so terrified I'm numb. I can't feel anything. Just his ugly gaze boring into me from his position in front of the door.
I'm fragile and I'm delicate, be gentle with me please.
From the look in his eyes, I know. I know he's going to be anything but gentle.