Title - Secrets From the Past
Author - Henle Girl
Rating - R for disturbing subject matter
Category - Mulder/Scully Romance, Angst
Spoilers - Chimera
Summary - As memories from Scully's past begin to manifest
themselves to her, Mrs. Scully learns the hard way how buried
secrets can come back to haunt you.
Disclaimer - The characters don't belong to me. I'm just
borrowing them for my own therapeutic purposes. They will be
returned relatively unharmed to Chris Carter, or whoever wants to
borrow them next, when I'm done.
Feedback: PLEASE!!! Henle_Girl@hotmail.com
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 7
* * * * * * * * * * * *
With a yawn, Margaret Scully sets a coffee pot into the middle of
the table. It's too early in the morning to bother with being a
perfect hostess. If Fox Mulder is going to be rude enough to
wake her up in the middle of the night, then he can certainly fix
his own coffee.
"I'm sorry again for waking you this time of night, Mrs. Scully,"
Mulder apologizes. "But this is important."
"What's going on?" she asks, her eyes darting between Mulder and
her daughter. "Dana?"
"I'm not really sure, Mom," she shrugs. "Mulder insisted we see
you. He said you'd be the only one with answers."
"Answers about what?" she asks. She tries to remain calm, but
Mulder can see a fear flicker in her eyes. It's a fear she's
probably lived with for the past 20 years. Fear that one day, her
daughter would remember.
"When we investigate cases, I tend to make big leaps that a lot
of people don't understand. I have a way of seeing things that
others can't. It's drives Dana crazy most of the time. Because
most of the time, like 98.9% of the time, I'm right," he laughs.
"Whatever, Mulder," she says, rolling her eyes. "Just get to
your point."
"Okay. This all started with that baby dream of yours, Scully.
I actually think that it's more than a dream. Possibly a
repressed memory emerging."
"A repressed memory? Of me having a baby," she scoffs. It
sounds ridiculous to her. But she can't see the panicked look on
her mother's face like Mulder can. He knows he's on to
something. "Mulder, I thought we discussed already that someone
is just messing with my mind. I don't care what the tests say,
they're obviously wrong. Or faked. I'll even go so far as to
say that Bridget Hanson may have very well been a clone.
But . . . "
"Mrs. Scully?" Mulder asks, interrupting Scully's tirade when he
notices the panicked look on Mrs. Scully turn into one of terror.
The poor woman looks to be on the verge of collapsing.
"Mom, what is it? Is it heart attack?" Scully asks, going into
doctor mode. She feels her mother's thready pulse and then takes
her hand. "Can you squeeze my hand?"
"I'm fine, Dana," she manages to say, although she doesn't sound
very convincing.
"I'm not so sure, Mom. Let me take you to the hospital, just to
be on the safe side."
"Scully, maybe your mom would like some tea. How does that
sound, Mrs. Scully?" he asks her, hoping she'll take the hint and
agree. He needs to speak with her alone before this gets too
far.
"Tea would be nice, Dana," she smiles. "But I'm all out of
honey. Would you mind terribly going to that all night grocery
store a couple of blocks away?"
"I'll stay and keep an eye on your mom, Scully," Mulder offers.
He tries to keep his expression bland as she gives him the once
over. But she's too worried about her mother to give his
suspicious motives a second thought.
"I'll be right back," she says, grabbing the keys from the table.
They wait until they hear the door close before speaking again.
"What is this about, Fox? Why are you digging into all of this
now?"
"Because I think you're keeping a secret from Dana. Something so
terrible that she blocked it out. But now, I think she's
starting to remember it on her own. And I need to know what she
might be remembering so that I can help her deal with it.
Otherwise it's just going to blind side her."
"I didn't think of that," Mrs. Scully says, biting on her lip
nervously.
"There never was an accident, was there? You made it and the
amnesia up, didn't you?" he asks her. "Scully thinks she had a
case of amnesia following an accident and that's how she explains
missing memories from certain times in her life. But none of
that's true."
"Fox, we didn't know what else to do," she cries. Her sobs break
his heart and he can't help but pull the older woman into his
arms to try and comfort her. "We didn't ever consider her
memories returning."
"What memories?"
Both their hearts stop at that moment. They didn't hear the door
open over Mrs. Scully's sobs. They didn't realize Scully was
standing there listening to the entire conversation.
"I realized I left my wallet on the table," she says quietly. "I
had to come back for it."
Instead of sitting back at the table with them, she paces back
and forth across the floor, unable to look either of them in the
eye.
"Would one of you please tell me what's going on here? Since you
both seem to know more than I do?"
Mulder can hear the cool control she's attempting to display.
But underneath he knows that she's a time bomb waiting to go off.
Now is not the time to try and hide anything from her. But for
the life of him, he can't figure out how to answer her questions.
He looks over at Mrs. Scully and can see she's having the same
problem.
"Okay, I'll start with an easier question," she says, raising her
voice a little. "Why would you lie about me being in a car
accident and having amnesia, Mom?"
"It was easier than telling you the truth," her mother whispers.
"The truth about what?"
"Remember how we talked about your Uncle Lochlyn? And why you
seemed to have somehow blocked him out of your memory?"
"Fox no," Mrs. Scully yells at the mention of his name. She was
willing to admit she lied about the amnesia. But never wanted
again to think about the things Lochlyn did, let alone talk about
them. "Enough of this."
"No, Mom. I've had enough," Scully yells back. "What is it you
don't want me to know?"
Scully and her mother face off and Mulder can see where Scully
gets her backbone from. Neither woman is going to back down. He
has to be the one.
"What she doesn't want you to know is that she knows exactly who
Bridget Hanson is and why she looked so much like you," Mulder
says, looking at Mrs. Scully to finish what he started.
"I can't do this, Fox," she cries.
"You have to, Mrs. Scully. Because she's going to eventually
remember."
"Remember what?" Scully asks.
Mulder looks one more time to Mrs. Scully, giving her one more
chance to speak. But she doesn't. So he looks to Scully
instead.
"What really happened to you when you were 15."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 8
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Mulder hands Mrs. Scully a glass filled with an amber liquid.
Her shaky hands wrap around it, bringing it to her lips every so
often. After the drink has settled some of the nerves, she
begins her story.
"It was your birthday, Dana. Your 15th birthday. You were so
happy. You said it was the best birthday ever. You got so much
stuff you always wanted. Including that cross." She points to
the cross hanging around Scully's neck.
"I thought this was a Christmas gift," Scully interjects.
"No. I only told you that because I was afraid of mentioning
anything having to do with your birthday."
"Why?" she asks her mother quietly.
But Margaret falls quiet for a while. Her tears are falling
steadily down her face now. Every so often, she'll wipe them
away, but more just take their place. After a few more moments,
she takes a deep breath and continues.
"It was a big party. Almost the entire family was there. Even
from your father's side. Even Lochlyn," she pauses again and
takes another drink, as if she's trying to get the taste of
saying his name out her mouth.
"Lochlyn . . . he . . . well, he had problems. Weaknesses.
Weaknesses we didn't know about until it was too late. Until
your father caught him . . . with you. In bed with you. Ra-
raping you."
"What?" Scully asks incredulously. She stands up and starts to
pace the floor again. "No. No. No. It didn't happen. It
couldn't have happened. Not to me. No. I don't believe it."
"That's all you kept saying that night," Maggie cries. "Over and
over. I think eventually you believed what you were saying.
That it didn't happen. You couldn't deal with it. Or the after
effects. You were so tiny, Dana. So small for your age. He did
a lot of . . . damage. But you healed, eventually. Physically,
anyway. The road to mental recovery took much longer. Because
there was a much longer lasting effect. Dana, you became
pregnant."
"What?" she gasps again, furiously shaking her head. "No. I
don't believe that. I don't believe you!"
"You had the baby about a week before Thanksgiving," Maggie
continues, despite her daughter's refusal to believe her. "A
little girl. She had a light sprinkling of red fuzz on the top
of her head. And her eyes. Dana, they were so blue. I just
knew when I looked into them that they would stay that way. She
also had a little mark . . . "
"Behind her knee," Scully whispers. "A tiny, strawberry shaped
birthmark."
"Yes," Mrs. Scully nods, giving her a small, teary smile. "Her
right knee. I only held her for a second before they took her
away to her adoptive family, the Hansons. I found out later that
they named her Bridget."
"I don't understand," Scully says, finally breaking down into
tears. It's a sight that Mulder can't tolerate. He rushes to
her side and scoops her up into his arms, noting how she willing
allows him to support her. "How could I have forgotten that?"
"It was a traumatizing event. You blocked it out. Your family
just filled in the missing blanks with . . . a version of reality
you could deal with," he says nicely about their lies.
"So that girl, the victim in our case, she really was my
daughter?"
"Was?" Mrs. Scully asks reluctantly.
"She's dead, Mom," Scully says coldly. "21 years old and she's
dead. I thought it was bad enough having to watch Emily die.
But I never even got to see Bridget alive. Another daughter.
Gone."
Mulder feels Scully go slack in his arms. Looking down at her,
he sees her eyes staring fixed at some point in the distance.
"What happened to her?" Mrs. Scully asks, worry clouding her
face.
"I'm not sure," Mulder shakes his head. "But I think we should
get her some help." He lifts Scully into his arms and waits for
Mrs. Scully to get the door. He climbs into the back seat of the
car, still cradling his unresponsive partner. He can tell she's
in a dark place, although he didn't want to tell Mrs. Scully
that. He's all too familiar with that dark place. He can only
hope that she'll be able to make her way out of it.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 9
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Scully awakens to familiar sounds. She's heard them far too much
in her lifetime. The beeps. The bright lights. The sanitized
smell. She's in the hospital. And for some reason, she can't
seem to remember how she got there.
"Mulder?" she calls, looking over to the left side of her bed.
She sees him asleep in a chair next to her, his head resting on
the very edge of the bed. She reaches up to run her fingers
through his hair to wake him and finds that she can't. She's
literally unable to move her arms.
"Mulder," she says again, loud enough this time to stir him from
his slumber.
"Scully, you're awake," he says with a relieved smile. "You're
finally awake."
"Why can't I move?" she asks in a panic, struggling against what
she now recognizes as restraints. "What's going on here?"
"Calm down," he says gently. "It's okay. The doctors just
didn't want you hurting yourself when you woke up."
"I don't understand," she says with a small voice on the verge of
tears. She looks around the room and sees that it's not an
ordinary room. Taking in her surroundings, her eyes widen when
she realizes where she is. "This is the psych ward. Why am I in
the psych ward, Mulder?"
"Scully, what's the last thing you remember?"
"What kind of question is that, Mulder?" she huffs. "And take
these restraints off of me."
"Okay. But you have to calm down first," he tells her again.
When she settles, he quickly unstraps her arms and her legs,
gently rubbing the reddened area around her wrists. "Better?"
"Yeah," she nods. "Thanks."
"No problem," he smiles, pressing a kiss on her wrists before
letting go of her hands. "Now, tell me the last thing you
remember."
"Cincinnati," she says after a moment. "We had a case there?"
"Something like that. What about Cincinnati do you remember? Do
you remember us leaving and coming home?"
"No," she whispers, looking down into her lap. "Is that where we
are now?"
"We've been back almost a week. You've been here at the hospital
for most of that time," he tells her. "Do you remember our case
when we were in Cincinnati? The woman murdered and left in her
bathtub? Bridget Hanson? Is any of this ringing a bell?"
"I just remember getting a strange phone call and tracing the
number to an address in Cincinnati. I went to your apartment to
pick you up and we caught the first flight out. What happened
out there, Mulder? Did I get injured or something?"
"Scully, how about before Cincinnati," he says, ignoring her
question. "Do you remember the dinner we had with your mother?"
He sighs a sigh of relief when she nods her head. At least it's
a starting point.
"Good. Do you remember what happened after dinner?"
"You mean the kiss?" she blushes.
"I actually meant a little bit before that," he smiles. "But
that's a good memory too. I was talking about when your mother
left? She was pretty upset and you couldn't understand why."
"Yeah, it was strange, wasn't it? She just up and left, right in
the middle of dinner. I wonder what was bothering her?"
"She got upset when you mentioned a man named Lochlyn." He
pauses to check her for any reaction, but there is none that he
notices. "He was married to your one of your aunts."
"Really? I don't remember him. But then again, my father wasn't
very close with his family. We rarely saw them growing up," she
adds with a shrug. "Maybe this Lochlyn is the reason why. Maybe
that's why my mother was upset about him. Anyway, I think I've
answered all your questions. How about you answer mine. What am
I doing here in the psych ward of the hospital?"
He stares at her in disbelief. Everything is gone from her
memory. She's managed to block it out again. He lets out a
frustrated groan and pushes his chair away from the bed. He
starts pacing the room, trying to come up with a way to explain
to her why she's there.
"Mulder, you're scaring me. What is it? Just start from the
beginning."
"I can't explain it," he finally says after a long silence.
"I'll go get your doctor. He'll be able to give you more
information." He quickly turns and leaves the room before she
can protest.
"Fox, what is it?" Mrs. Scully runs up to him as soon as he
comes out of the room. "Is it Dana?"
"She's awake," he nods, continuing to walk down the hall to find
Scully's doctor. "But she doesn't remember anything."
"Nothing?" Mrs. Scully asks in shock.
"None of it," he says. He spots the doctor and calls out to him
to get his attention. "Dr. Sparks."
"Agent Mulder. Mrs. Scully. What can I do for you?"
"Fox says that Dana is awake," Mrs. Scully explains.
"And she's pretty curious as to why she's here," Mulder adds.
"She doesn't remember what happened prior to her being admitted?"
the doctor asks curiously.
"She's seems to have blocked out anything related to the real
reason why she's here. She doesn't remember remembering."
"It's not a good sign, but not totally unexpected either," the
doctor sighs.
"Since she's forgotten again, does that mean the memories will
stay gone?" Mrs. Scully asks optimistically. "If she can't
remember, maybe it's a good thing."
"But what about the next time her memories start to emerge?"
Mulder counters. "What if she has another breakdown like she did
this time? Doctor, have you considered regression hypnosis as a
possible means of helping her extract her memories?"
"I won't allow that," Mrs. Scully says adamantly. "If she
doesn't remember on her own, then maybe she isn't supposed to.
Nobody should have to live through what she lived through."
"But . . . "
"I'm not budging on this, Fox," she says coolly. "Don't defy me
on this. Don't go to Dana behind my back and try to convince her
otherwise. I don't want to have to ban your from seeing her, but
I will if I have to."
Mulder feels all the air rushing from his lungs, as if he just
got sucker punched in the gut. Just the thought of not being
able to see her . . .
"Mrs. Scully," he tries to appeal to the woman. "You can't keep
me from her. And you can't ask me to lie to her. Our
relationship is built on trust. I can't keep the truth from
her."
"Then I can't allow you to see her. I'm sorry, Fox. That's just
the way it is." She turns and walks into her daughter's room,
the doctor following behind her. Mulder stands in shock, unable
to breath. But how can he when the very essence of his life is
gone?
He finally makes his feet move and walks to the elevator, getting
inside and pressing a button. He doesn't even realize where he's
going until the elevator stops and the doors open to the
pediatrics floor.
He walks to the information desk and asks the nurse there for
directions. Although he's the one who made arrangements to have
Bridget Hanson's daughter transferred to DC, he hasn't been to
see her. He's spent all his time with Scully. The official
story is that the girl is a potential witness in a federal
investigation and needs to be in federal protective custody. The
truth is, he just couldn't imagine Scully's grandchild going off
to live with strangers somewhere.
He finds the room with no trouble and walks inside, immediately
seeing the girl off in the corner playing by herself.
"Hi," he says gently to the little girl. "My name is Fox.
What's yours?"
"Devyn Elizabeth Hanson," she says sweetly, clutching her doll
tightly in her arms.
"It's nice to meet you, Devyn," he smiles, hoping to put the
little girl at ease.
"I wanna go home. When is my mommy coming?" she asks.
"Devyn, how old are you?" He smiles when she holds up all five
of her fingers, but only says three. "You're three years old?"
"My birthday is in June and I'll be four," she tells him
enthusiastically.
"Oh, so you're a big girl, aren't you? Since you're so big, I
think you're old enough to remember what happened to your mommy.
Do you remember what the other police officers said when they
came to your house?"
"That a bad man hurt my mommy," the little girl says, her bottom
lip sticking out in a pout. "That I won't be able to see her
anymore because she's in heaven with the angels. Why did my
mommy leave me?"
Tears spring instantly into her big, blue eyes. The sight breaks
Mulder's heart. It takes everything in him not to cry along with
her.
"Devyn, she didn't want to leave you. But she knows that you're
going to be okay because you're so brave and so strong. And she
knows that there will always be someone to take care of you. You
won't be alone, Sweetheart."
"You promise?" she asks, her little lips quivering with unshed
tears. "Will you take care of me?"
Her request startles him. He didn't expect it. But she stares
up at him hopefully with that look on her face so much like
Scully's. And he knows he won't be able to refuse the little
girl anything. Without even thinking, his arms stretch out for
the little girl and she eagerly jumps into his embrace, wrapping
her small arms around his neck.
"Of course, I will, Devyn," he promises. "I'll be here for as
long as you want me to be."
Mulder realizes with great surprise that he's never meant
anything more in his life. Right now, he can't help Scully in
the way that he's used to helping her. But he can help this
little girl. He can take care of her and make a life for her.
She's blood of Scully's blood. Flesh of her flesh. For that
reason alone he loves her already. And like Scully, he has a
feeling that he's going to love her forever.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 10
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Scully stares at herself in the mirror. It's the same face she's
been looking at for the past three months. But for some reason
it seems different. She knows now that it's because she's
different. She has a different future to face in light of the
changes she's discovered about her past. Changes that she's just
recently been able to come to terms with.
She stayed in the hospital for almost three weeks before
remembering again the abuse she suffered at the hands of her
uncle. Three long and miserable weeks spent without Mulder. It
was only after she remembered the incident, as she's come to
refer to it now, that her mother confessed to forbidding Mulder
from seeing her. It was her mother's way of protecting her.
Scully knows that now. But she can't help but think back to
how lost she felt without him. How his ever constant quest for
the truth would have helped her find her way sooner. But then
again, it's possible that she actually needed all of that time to
prepare herself. Because even after she discovered the truth, it
took her weeks to acknowledge that it actually happened. After
spending twenty years blocking it out of her memory, she guesses
her mind was a bit resistant to thinking otherwise.
But she couldn't ignore it forever. Her mind wouldn't let her.
Circumstances around her wouldn't let her. She still doesn't
remember *it* happening. It's like her abduction. Just another
horrible event that remains locked away forever in some portion
of her brain. It's the after effects of that night that live on.
There are just too many reminders. The child born from that
awful experience may be dead and buried, but she left behind a
child of her own. A child who refuses to be buried with the
past. A child who has forged her own future and has quite
literally stolen the heart of one Fox Mulder right from under her
nose.
"You look great," a deep voice says from behind her. She spins
around to face a smiling Mulder staring dreamily at her. He
wraps his arms around her waist and drops a quick kiss on her
lips. "But then again, you always do."
"Are you sure I look okay? I'm kind of nervous." She turns
around in his embrace to face the mirror again, analyzing again
the outfit she's wearing.
"I told you, you look great. Trust me," he smiles. He takes her
hand and leads her out of the bedroom and to the kitchen of her
mother's house. He smiles at the little girl sitting at the
table, trying desperately not to get cookie crumbs on her best
dress.
"Dana," her eyes light up when she sees Scully. "You look
beautiful."
"See, I told you," Mulder says with a grin. He lifts Devyn out
of her seat and brings her over to Scully, allowing the little
girl to press a kiss to her cheek. All of the tension she's
feeling evaporates as she openly accepts Devyn's love. The child
had done more to aid in Scully's recovery than almost anything
else. Mulder, of course, tops that list.
The doorbell rings, interrupting their moment and Mulder can see
the worry return to Scully's face.
"Relax," he whispers into her ear. "This is just a formality.
They have to do a home visit before they can officially place her
with us."
"Even if this isn't really our home?" she asks him pointedly.
"My mother will be back from California by the end of the summer.
We're just house sitting, Mulder. After that, our playing house
days will be over. What's going to happen then?"
That has always been the question since the start of the whole
thing. After being released from the hospital, Scully wanted to
spend as much time with Devyn as possible. Since the girl was
comfortable with Mulder, Scully didn't want to selfishly separate
them. Neither of their apartments were big enough for all three
of them, so her mother suggested they all use her house
temporarily. She's been out in California on an extended visit
with Bill and Tara, her own way of dealing with Scully's
resurfaced memories.
Unfortunately, Scully's recent hospitalization cast an
unfavorable light on her in the eyes of social services. Despite
her blood relation, she found herself having no chance at getting
custody of her grandchild. Mulder has been the girl's guardian
for the past three months. Which is how she found herself
playing house with them to begin with.
The doorbell rings again, startling her back to reality. She
vaguely notices Mulder answer it, allowing the social worker
access into the house. She manages to make it through the entire
visit, a fake smile pasted on her face and nods at appropriate
times during the conversation. Before she knows it, the visit is
over, and she sees Mulder walking the social worker back to the
door, a huge smile on both their faces.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" he asks, spinning Devyn around in
his arms until she's dizzy and giggling nonstop.
"Why was she here, Fox?" the little girl asks.
"So that she can go back and tell her bosses what a good time
you're having here with us," he explains. "So that nobody can
ever take you away from either of us. We're a family now,
Princess."
"Really? You're going to be my new daddy? I can stay with you
forever and ever?"
"Forever and ever," he smiles. "I promised you I'd take care of
you. I meant that. I love you, Devyn."
"I love you too, Daddy," she smiles excitedly at first Mulder and
then turns to Scully. "Are you going to marry him and be my new
mommy?"
"I'm working on that, Kid," he says with a wink, causing Scully
to laugh despite her shock.
Marriage has been the last thing on her mind these past few
months. But she knows he won't pressure her. She knows that
really he's just letting her know that there can be love and
happiness amidst her pain. That she can't let secrets from the
past keep her from realizing her much deserved joy in the
present.
She knows the ache will never fully go away. A part of her will
always yearn for the daughters she lost. But she can fill the
rest of her heart with love that only this little girl can give
her. It's suddenly very clear to Scully that that's exactly what
she wants to do every day for the rest of her life. Not mourn
the loss of those who came before her, but to cherish her as the
precious gift she really is.
"You know what, Devyn, I think I'd love to be your new mommy,"
Scully says, bringing a smile of understanding to Mulder's face
at the unorthodox answer to his unorthodox proposal.
They all hug, sealing all their promises of hope for a future
just as bright as their present. They may not know exactly what
that future will bring. They can only renew their determination
not to let the past ruin what they have right now.
The end.
Author - Henle Girl
Rating - R for disturbing subject matter
Category - Mulder/Scully Romance, Angst
Spoilers - Chimera
Summary - As memories from Scully's past begin to manifest
themselves to her, Mrs. Scully learns the hard way how buried
secrets can come back to haunt you.
Disclaimer - The characters don't belong to me. I'm just
borrowing them for my own therapeutic purposes. They will be
returned relatively unharmed to Chris Carter, or whoever wants to
borrow them next, when I'm done.
Feedback: PLEASE!!! Henle_Girl@hotmail.com
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 7
* * * * * * * * * * * *
With a yawn, Margaret Scully sets a coffee pot into the middle of
the table. It's too early in the morning to bother with being a
perfect hostess. If Fox Mulder is going to be rude enough to
wake her up in the middle of the night, then he can certainly fix
his own coffee.
"I'm sorry again for waking you this time of night, Mrs. Scully,"
Mulder apologizes. "But this is important."
"What's going on?" she asks, her eyes darting between Mulder and
her daughter. "Dana?"
"I'm not really sure, Mom," she shrugs. "Mulder insisted we see
you. He said you'd be the only one with answers."
"Answers about what?" she asks. She tries to remain calm, but
Mulder can see a fear flicker in her eyes. It's a fear she's
probably lived with for the past 20 years. Fear that one day, her
daughter would remember.
"When we investigate cases, I tend to make big leaps that a lot
of people don't understand. I have a way of seeing things that
others can't. It's drives Dana crazy most of the time. Because
most of the time, like 98.9% of the time, I'm right," he laughs.
"Whatever, Mulder," she says, rolling her eyes. "Just get to
your point."
"Okay. This all started with that baby dream of yours, Scully.
I actually think that it's more than a dream. Possibly a
repressed memory emerging."
"A repressed memory? Of me having a baby," she scoffs. It
sounds ridiculous to her. But she can't see the panicked look on
her mother's face like Mulder can. He knows he's on to
something. "Mulder, I thought we discussed already that someone
is just messing with my mind. I don't care what the tests say,
they're obviously wrong. Or faked. I'll even go so far as to
say that Bridget Hanson may have very well been a clone.
But . . . "
"Mrs. Scully?" Mulder asks, interrupting Scully's tirade when he
notices the panicked look on Mrs. Scully turn into one of terror.
The poor woman looks to be on the verge of collapsing.
"Mom, what is it? Is it heart attack?" Scully asks, going into
doctor mode. She feels her mother's thready pulse and then takes
her hand. "Can you squeeze my hand?"
"I'm fine, Dana," she manages to say, although she doesn't sound
very convincing.
"I'm not so sure, Mom. Let me take you to the hospital, just to
be on the safe side."
"Scully, maybe your mom would like some tea. How does that
sound, Mrs. Scully?" he asks her, hoping she'll take the hint and
agree. He needs to speak with her alone before this gets too
far.
"Tea would be nice, Dana," she smiles. "But I'm all out of
honey. Would you mind terribly going to that all night grocery
store a couple of blocks away?"
"I'll stay and keep an eye on your mom, Scully," Mulder offers.
He tries to keep his expression bland as she gives him the once
over. But she's too worried about her mother to give his
suspicious motives a second thought.
"I'll be right back," she says, grabbing the keys from the table.
They wait until they hear the door close before speaking again.
"What is this about, Fox? Why are you digging into all of this
now?"
"Because I think you're keeping a secret from Dana. Something so
terrible that she blocked it out. But now, I think she's
starting to remember it on her own. And I need to know what she
might be remembering so that I can help her deal with it.
Otherwise it's just going to blind side her."
"I didn't think of that," Mrs. Scully says, biting on her lip
nervously.
"There never was an accident, was there? You made it and the
amnesia up, didn't you?" he asks her. "Scully thinks she had a
case of amnesia following an accident and that's how she explains
missing memories from certain times in her life. But none of
that's true."
"Fox, we didn't know what else to do," she cries. Her sobs break
his heart and he can't help but pull the older woman into his
arms to try and comfort her. "We didn't ever consider her
memories returning."
"What memories?"
Both their hearts stop at that moment. They didn't hear the door
open over Mrs. Scully's sobs. They didn't realize Scully was
standing there listening to the entire conversation.
"I realized I left my wallet on the table," she says quietly. "I
had to come back for it."
Instead of sitting back at the table with them, she paces back
and forth across the floor, unable to look either of them in the
eye.
"Would one of you please tell me what's going on here? Since you
both seem to know more than I do?"
Mulder can hear the cool control she's attempting to display.
But underneath he knows that she's a time bomb waiting to go off.
Now is not the time to try and hide anything from her. But for
the life of him, he can't figure out how to answer her questions.
He looks over at Mrs. Scully and can see she's having the same
problem.
"Okay, I'll start with an easier question," she says, raising her
voice a little. "Why would you lie about me being in a car
accident and having amnesia, Mom?"
"It was easier than telling you the truth," her mother whispers.
"The truth about what?"
"Remember how we talked about your Uncle Lochlyn? And why you
seemed to have somehow blocked him out of your memory?"
"Fox no," Mrs. Scully yells at the mention of his name. She was
willing to admit she lied about the amnesia. But never wanted
again to think about the things Lochlyn did, let alone talk about
them. "Enough of this."
"No, Mom. I've had enough," Scully yells back. "What is it you
don't want me to know?"
Scully and her mother face off and Mulder can see where Scully
gets her backbone from. Neither woman is going to back down. He
has to be the one.
"What she doesn't want you to know is that she knows exactly who
Bridget Hanson is and why she looked so much like you," Mulder
says, looking at Mrs. Scully to finish what he started.
"I can't do this, Fox," she cries.
"You have to, Mrs. Scully. Because she's going to eventually
remember."
"Remember what?" Scully asks.
Mulder looks one more time to Mrs. Scully, giving her one more
chance to speak. But she doesn't. So he looks to Scully
instead.
"What really happened to you when you were 15."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 8
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Mulder hands Mrs. Scully a glass filled with an amber liquid.
Her shaky hands wrap around it, bringing it to her lips every so
often. After the drink has settled some of the nerves, she
begins her story.
"It was your birthday, Dana. Your 15th birthday. You were so
happy. You said it was the best birthday ever. You got so much
stuff you always wanted. Including that cross." She points to
the cross hanging around Scully's neck.
"I thought this was a Christmas gift," Scully interjects.
"No. I only told you that because I was afraid of mentioning
anything having to do with your birthday."
"Why?" she asks her mother quietly.
But Margaret falls quiet for a while. Her tears are falling
steadily down her face now. Every so often, she'll wipe them
away, but more just take their place. After a few more moments,
she takes a deep breath and continues.
"It was a big party. Almost the entire family was there. Even
from your father's side. Even Lochlyn," she pauses again and
takes another drink, as if she's trying to get the taste of
saying his name out her mouth.
"Lochlyn . . . he . . . well, he had problems. Weaknesses.
Weaknesses we didn't know about until it was too late. Until
your father caught him . . . with you. In bed with you. Ra-
raping you."
"What?" Scully asks incredulously. She stands up and starts to
pace the floor again. "No. No. No. It didn't happen. It
couldn't have happened. Not to me. No. I don't believe it."
"That's all you kept saying that night," Maggie cries. "Over and
over. I think eventually you believed what you were saying.
That it didn't happen. You couldn't deal with it. Or the after
effects. You were so tiny, Dana. So small for your age. He did
a lot of . . . damage. But you healed, eventually. Physically,
anyway. The road to mental recovery took much longer. Because
there was a much longer lasting effect. Dana, you became
pregnant."
"What?" she gasps again, furiously shaking her head. "No. I
don't believe that. I don't believe you!"
"You had the baby about a week before Thanksgiving," Maggie
continues, despite her daughter's refusal to believe her. "A
little girl. She had a light sprinkling of red fuzz on the top
of her head. And her eyes. Dana, they were so blue. I just
knew when I looked into them that they would stay that way. She
also had a little mark . . . "
"Behind her knee," Scully whispers. "A tiny, strawberry shaped
birthmark."
"Yes," Mrs. Scully nods, giving her a small, teary smile. "Her
right knee. I only held her for a second before they took her
away to her adoptive family, the Hansons. I found out later that
they named her Bridget."
"I don't understand," Scully says, finally breaking down into
tears. It's a sight that Mulder can't tolerate. He rushes to
her side and scoops her up into his arms, noting how she willing
allows him to support her. "How could I have forgotten that?"
"It was a traumatizing event. You blocked it out. Your family
just filled in the missing blanks with . . . a version of reality
you could deal with," he says nicely about their lies.
"So that girl, the victim in our case, she really was my
daughter?"
"Was?" Mrs. Scully asks reluctantly.
"She's dead, Mom," Scully says coldly. "21 years old and she's
dead. I thought it was bad enough having to watch Emily die.
But I never even got to see Bridget alive. Another daughter.
Gone."
Mulder feels Scully go slack in his arms. Looking down at her,
he sees her eyes staring fixed at some point in the distance.
"What happened to her?" Mrs. Scully asks, worry clouding her
face.
"I'm not sure," Mulder shakes his head. "But I think we should
get her some help." He lifts Scully into his arms and waits for
Mrs. Scully to get the door. He climbs into the back seat of the
car, still cradling his unresponsive partner. He can tell she's
in a dark place, although he didn't want to tell Mrs. Scully
that. He's all too familiar with that dark place. He can only
hope that she'll be able to make her way out of it.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 9
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Scully awakens to familiar sounds. She's heard them far too much
in her lifetime. The beeps. The bright lights. The sanitized
smell. She's in the hospital. And for some reason, she can't
seem to remember how she got there.
"Mulder?" she calls, looking over to the left side of her bed.
She sees him asleep in a chair next to her, his head resting on
the very edge of the bed. She reaches up to run her fingers
through his hair to wake him and finds that she can't. She's
literally unable to move her arms.
"Mulder," she says again, loud enough this time to stir him from
his slumber.
"Scully, you're awake," he says with a relieved smile. "You're
finally awake."
"Why can't I move?" she asks in a panic, struggling against what
she now recognizes as restraints. "What's going on here?"
"Calm down," he says gently. "It's okay. The doctors just
didn't want you hurting yourself when you woke up."
"I don't understand," she says with a small voice on the verge of
tears. She looks around the room and sees that it's not an
ordinary room. Taking in her surroundings, her eyes widen when
she realizes where she is. "This is the psych ward. Why am I in
the psych ward, Mulder?"
"Scully, what's the last thing you remember?"
"What kind of question is that, Mulder?" she huffs. "And take
these restraints off of me."
"Okay. But you have to calm down first," he tells her again.
When she settles, he quickly unstraps her arms and her legs,
gently rubbing the reddened area around her wrists. "Better?"
"Yeah," she nods. "Thanks."
"No problem," he smiles, pressing a kiss on her wrists before
letting go of her hands. "Now, tell me the last thing you
remember."
"Cincinnati," she says after a moment. "We had a case there?"
"Something like that. What about Cincinnati do you remember? Do
you remember us leaving and coming home?"
"No," she whispers, looking down into her lap. "Is that where we
are now?"
"We've been back almost a week. You've been here at the hospital
for most of that time," he tells her. "Do you remember our case
when we were in Cincinnati? The woman murdered and left in her
bathtub? Bridget Hanson? Is any of this ringing a bell?"
"I just remember getting a strange phone call and tracing the
number to an address in Cincinnati. I went to your apartment to
pick you up and we caught the first flight out. What happened
out there, Mulder? Did I get injured or something?"
"Scully, how about before Cincinnati," he says, ignoring her
question. "Do you remember the dinner we had with your mother?"
He sighs a sigh of relief when she nods her head. At least it's
a starting point.
"Good. Do you remember what happened after dinner?"
"You mean the kiss?" she blushes.
"I actually meant a little bit before that," he smiles. "But
that's a good memory too. I was talking about when your mother
left? She was pretty upset and you couldn't understand why."
"Yeah, it was strange, wasn't it? She just up and left, right in
the middle of dinner. I wonder what was bothering her?"
"She got upset when you mentioned a man named Lochlyn." He
pauses to check her for any reaction, but there is none that he
notices. "He was married to your one of your aunts."
"Really? I don't remember him. But then again, my father wasn't
very close with his family. We rarely saw them growing up," she
adds with a shrug. "Maybe this Lochlyn is the reason why. Maybe
that's why my mother was upset about him. Anyway, I think I've
answered all your questions. How about you answer mine. What am
I doing here in the psych ward of the hospital?"
He stares at her in disbelief. Everything is gone from her
memory. She's managed to block it out again. He lets out a
frustrated groan and pushes his chair away from the bed. He
starts pacing the room, trying to come up with a way to explain
to her why she's there.
"Mulder, you're scaring me. What is it? Just start from the
beginning."
"I can't explain it," he finally says after a long silence.
"I'll go get your doctor. He'll be able to give you more
information." He quickly turns and leaves the room before she
can protest.
"Fox, what is it?" Mrs. Scully runs up to him as soon as he
comes out of the room. "Is it Dana?"
"She's awake," he nods, continuing to walk down the hall to find
Scully's doctor. "But she doesn't remember anything."
"Nothing?" Mrs. Scully asks in shock.
"None of it," he says. He spots the doctor and calls out to him
to get his attention. "Dr. Sparks."
"Agent Mulder. Mrs. Scully. What can I do for you?"
"Fox says that Dana is awake," Mrs. Scully explains.
"And she's pretty curious as to why she's here," Mulder adds.
"She doesn't remember what happened prior to her being admitted?"
the doctor asks curiously.
"She's seems to have blocked out anything related to the real
reason why she's here. She doesn't remember remembering."
"It's not a good sign, but not totally unexpected either," the
doctor sighs.
"Since she's forgotten again, does that mean the memories will
stay gone?" Mrs. Scully asks optimistically. "If she can't
remember, maybe it's a good thing."
"But what about the next time her memories start to emerge?"
Mulder counters. "What if she has another breakdown like she did
this time? Doctor, have you considered regression hypnosis as a
possible means of helping her extract her memories?"
"I won't allow that," Mrs. Scully says adamantly. "If she
doesn't remember on her own, then maybe she isn't supposed to.
Nobody should have to live through what she lived through."
"But . . . "
"I'm not budging on this, Fox," she says coolly. "Don't defy me
on this. Don't go to Dana behind my back and try to convince her
otherwise. I don't want to have to ban your from seeing her, but
I will if I have to."
Mulder feels all the air rushing from his lungs, as if he just
got sucker punched in the gut. Just the thought of not being
able to see her . . .
"Mrs. Scully," he tries to appeal to the woman. "You can't keep
me from her. And you can't ask me to lie to her. Our
relationship is built on trust. I can't keep the truth from
her."
"Then I can't allow you to see her. I'm sorry, Fox. That's just
the way it is." She turns and walks into her daughter's room,
the doctor following behind her. Mulder stands in shock, unable
to breath. But how can he when the very essence of his life is
gone?
He finally makes his feet move and walks to the elevator, getting
inside and pressing a button. He doesn't even realize where he's
going until the elevator stops and the doors open to the
pediatrics floor.
He walks to the information desk and asks the nurse there for
directions. Although he's the one who made arrangements to have
Bridget Hanson's daughter transferred to DC, he hasn't been to
see her. He's spent all his time with Scully. The official
story is that the girl is a potential witness in a federal
investigation and needs to be in federal protective custody. The
truth is, he just couldn't imagine Scully's grandchild going off
to live with strangers somewhere.
He finds the room with no trouble and walks inside, immediately
seeing the girl off in the corner playing by herself.
"Hi," he says gently to the little girl. "My name is Fox.
What's yours?"
"Devyn Elizabeth Hanson," she says sweetly, clutching her doll
tightly in her arms.
"It's nice to meet you, Devyn," he smiles, hoping to put the
little girl at ease.
"I wanna go home. When is my mommy coming?" she asks.
"Devyn, how old are you?" He smiles when she holds up all five
of her fingers, but only says three. "You're three years old?"
"My birthday is in June and I'll be four," she tells him
enthusiastically.
"Oh, so you're a big girl, aren't you? Since you're so big, I
think you're old enough to remember what happened to your mommy.
Do you remember what the other police officers said when they
came to your house?"
"That a bad man hurt my mommy," the little girl says, her bottom
lip sticking out in a pout. "That I won't be able to see her
anymore because she's in heaven with the angels. Why did my
mommy leave me?"
Tears spring instantly into her big, blue eyes. The sight breaks
Mulder's heart. It takes everything in him not to cry along with
her.
"Devyn, she didn't want to leave you. But she knows that you're
going to be okay because you're so brave and so strong. And she
knows that there will always be someone to take care of you. You
won't be alone, Sweetheart."
"You promise?" she asks, her little lips quivering with unshed
tears. "Will you take care of me?"
Her request startles him. He didn't expect it. But she stares
up at him hopefully with that look on her face so much like
Scully's. And he knows he won't be able to refuse the little
girl anything. Without even thinking, his arms stretch out for
the little girl and she eagerly jumps into his embrace, wrapping
her small arms around his neck.
"Of course, I will, Devyn," he promises. "I'll be here for as
long as you want me to be."
Mulder realizes with great surprise that he's never meant
anything more in his life. Right now, he can't help Scully in
the way that he's used to helping her. But he can help this
little girl. He can take care of her and make a life for her.
She's blood of Scully's blood. Flesh of her flesh. For that
reason alone he loves her already. And like Scully, he has a
feeling that he's going to love her forever.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 10
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Scully stares at herself in the mirror. It's the same face she's
been looking at for the past three months. But for some reason
it seems different. She knows now that it's because she's
different. She has a different future to face in light of the
changes she's discovered about her past. Changes that she's just
recently been able to come to terms with.
She stayed in the hospital for almost three weeks before
remembering again the abuse she suffered at the hands of her
uncle. Three long and miserable weeks spent without Mulder. It
was only after she remembered the incident, as she's come to
refer to it now, that her mother confessed to forbidding Mulder
from seeing her. It was her mother's way of protecting her.
Scully knows that now. But she can't help but think back to
how lost she felt without him. How his ever constant quest for
the truth would have helped her find her way sooner. But then
again, it's possible that she actually needed all of that time to
prepare herself. Because even after she discovered the truth, it
took her weeks to acknowledge that it actually happened. After
spending twenty years blocking it out of her memory, she guesses
her mind was a bit resistant to thinking otherwise.
But she couldn't ignore it forever. Her mind wouldn't let her.
Circumstances around her wouldn't let her. She still doesn't
remember *it* happening. It's like her abduction. Just another
horrible event that remains locked away forever in some portion
of her brain. It's the after effects of that night that live on.
There are just too many reminders. The child born from that
awful experience may be dead and buried, but she left behind a
child of her own. A child who refuses to be buried with the
past. A child who has forged her own future and has quite
literally stolen the heart of one Fox Mulder right from under her
nose.
"You look great," a deep voice says from behind her. She spins
around to face a smiling Mulder staring dreamily at her. He
wraps his arms around her waist and drops a quick kiss on her
lips. "But then again, you always do."
"Are you sure I look okay? I'm kind of nervous." She turns
around in his embrace to face the mirror again, analyzing again
the outfit she's wearing.
"I told you, you look great. Trust me," he smiles. He takes her
hand and leads her out of the bedroom and to the kitchen of her
mother's house. He smiles at the little girl sitting at the
table, trying desperately not to get cookie crumbs on her best
dress.
"Dana," her eyes light up when she sees Scully. "You look
beautiful."
"See, I told you," Mulder says with a grin. He lifts Devyn out
of her seat and brings her over to Scully, allowing the little
girl to press a kiss to her cheek. All of the tension she's
feeling evaporates as she openly accepts Devyn's love. The child
had done more to aid in Scully's recovery than almost anything
else. Mulder, of course, tops that list.
The doorbell rings, interrupting their moment and Mulder can see
the worry return to Scully's face.
"Relax," he whispers into her ear. "This is just a formality.
They have to do a home visit before they can officially place her
with us."
"Even if this isn't really our home?" she asks him pointedly.
"My mother will be back from California by the end of the summer.
We're just house sitting, Mulder. After that, our playing house
days will be over. What's going to happen then?"
That has always been the question since the start of the whole
thing. After being released from the hospital, Scully wanted to
spend as much time with Devyn as possible. Since the girl was
comfortable with Mulder, Scully didn't want to selfishly separate
them. Neither of their apartments were big enough for all three
of them, so her mother suggested they all use her house
temporarily. She's been out in California on an extended visit
with Bill and Tara, her own way of dealing with Scully's
resurfaced memories.
Unfortunately, Scully's recent hospitalization cast an
unfavorable light on her in the eyes of social services. Despite
her blood relation, she found herself having no chance at getting
custody of her grandchild. Mulder has been the girl's guardian
for the past three months. Which is how she found herself
playing house with them to begin with.
The doorbell rings again, startling her back to reality. She
vaguely notices Mulder answer it, allowing the social worker
access into the house. She manages to make it through the entire
visit, a fake smile pasted on her face and nods at appropriate
times during the conversation. Before she knows it, the visit is
over, and she sees Mulder walking the social worker back to the
door, a huge smile on both their faces.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" he asks, spinning Devyn around in
his arms until she's dizzy and giggling nonstop.
"Why was she here, Fox?" the little girl asks.
"So that she can go back and tell her bosses what a good time
you're having here with us," he explains. "So that nobody can
ever take you away from either of us. We're a family now,
Princess."
"Really? You're going to be my new daddy? I can stay with you
forever and ever?"
"Forever and ever," he smiles. "I promised you I'd take care of
you. I meant that. I love you, Devyn."
"I love you too, Daddy," she smiles excitedly at first Mulder and
then turns to Scully. "Are you going to marry him and be my new
mommy?"
"I'm working on that, Kid," he says with a wink, causing Scully
to laugh despite her shock.
Marriage has been the last thing on her mind these past few
months. But she knows he won't pressure her. She knows that
really he's just letting her know that there can be love and
happiness amidst her pain. That she can't let secrets from the
past keep her from realizing her much deserved joy in the
present.
She knows the ache will never fully go away. A part of her will
always yearn for the daughters she lost. But she can fill the
rest of her heart with love that only this little girl can give
her. It's suddenly very clear to Scully that that's exactly what
she wants to do every day for the rest of her life. Not mourn
the loss of those who came before her, but to cherish her as the
precious gift she really is.
"You know what, Devyn, I think I'd love to be your new mommy,"
Scully says, bringing a smile of understanding to Mulder's face
at the unorthodox answer to his unorthodox proposal.
They all hug, sealing all their promises of hope for a future
just as bright as their present. They may not know exactly what
that future will bring. They can only renew their determination
not to let the past ruin what they have right now.
The end.