True to their word, Ron and Hermione did spend more time with Harry, but the atmosphere was strained. As spring came and the earth shook off the grip of winter and burst with life, Hermione took a turn for the worse. The disease which had been almost dormant during the winter months resumed its determined attack on her body and Hermione began to crumble under its assault. Her complexion became paler, almost ghostlike, and she began to complain of pain, to the extent of being unable to attend lessons on days when it was really bad. Harry and Ron were both incredibly worried about her, and Harry couldn't believe that no one else noticed that something was wrong. Hermione was too ill to go off for alone time, so she, Harry and Ron stayed in the Common room, working and messing around. Harry hardly saw Draco, just occasional glances in lessons, and he was surprised to find how much he actually missed the other boy's sarcastic sense of humour and the way he smiled when Harry made a clever comment. Hermione's condition however made the three friends stick more closely together than ever before, and Draco and everyone else was shunted to the sidelines.
Hermione's condition stabilised in May, but she was very thin now, and her face held a delicate, fragile look as if she might break at any moment. Harry knew that she was in almost constant pain, but Hermione bravely said nothing about it. She and Ron were closer than ever, and Ron seemed to have forgotten his jealousy over Malfoy with the concern over his girlfriend. Certainly, he did not mention anything to do with Malfoy to Harry, or ask Harry what he did when he was left alone. For his part, Harry tried to avoid leaving the Common Room when the others did, and tried to be back before them.
Draco was slightly cool with Harry when he resumed the meetings, but seemed to understand Harry's preoccupation with Hermione's illness.
"She looks so young" said Draco thoughtfully one day. "Like a china doll or something - somehow not quite real"
"She's changing state" said Harry blandly. Draco turned to look at him, pushing his homework aside and leaning towards Harry. The two were sprawled by the lake, in exactly the spot where they had first begun their friendship.
"What do you believe happens when you die?" he asked curiously.
"I don't know" said Harry. "I like to think that the dead are free from mortal concerns and can be happy, but I don't quite know how that would work. Hermione seems to be changing state, so maybe she is moving to another level of being - something the living can never obtain." There was a pause for a while as Draco tried to understand this, and Harry tried to think of a different way to explain it. "What do you believe?" he asked.
"I don't know" said Draco. His voice sounded cold. "It depends on my mood. Sometimes I think that death is peace and the dead are all happy in another plane of existence, waiting for the living to join them. Sometimes I believe in reincarnation and the chance to live again and try for a better life. But sometimes I think" said Draco, his voice becoming colder, empty, "that death is the end. That you get one life and that's it, and when you die you simply cease to be, finished. You come from nothing and return there."
"I don't like that" said Harry. He could hear fear in his voice, and wondered how Draco's words had affected him so deeply, creating doubt in his idea of an afterlife. "I don't like the thought that this is it, that there is no reason to life, that all there is is the now and the dead are gone for ever."
"I don't always think that" said Draco, "but sometimes I wonder"
"Say it's not true." said Harry urgently. "Tell me that when she dies, I will see her again. Tell me!" His voice rose to a sort of strangled scream as he stared at Draco, begging him to take back his words and tell him that everything was going to be OK, tears beginning to pour down his face.
"It's OK" said Draco. His face was concerned, he had obviously not been expecting his words to have this effect. "I think in all likelihood there is some sort of afterlife - look at the ghosts. Hermione'll be OK, and you'll see her again, don't worry. Come here" he said, moving over to put his arms around Harry.
"Shh, it's OK" he said softly, holding Harry close and stroking his hair. "I'm sorry I said that, it'll all be OK"
Harry looked up at him from his position in Draco's arms. His face was tearstained and his breathing was ragged, though he had stopped sobbing. The green eyes shone out more brilliantly from his glasses because they were full of tears. Draco leaned down and kissed him gently.
Harry froze at the touch of Draco's lips on his. It wasn't just that he was being kissed by a boy, but shock that it was his first kiss and this was not how he'd imagined it. Life with the Dursleys had never given him the opportunity for kissing - the fact that he was rarely allowed to leave the house tended to put a stopper on meeting girls - and his Hogwarts life had been more about his friends and feuds than girlfriends, especially due to Cho's lack of interest. To receive his first kiss from a boy, and one who had been his worst enemy left Harry unsure how to react.
Draco pulled away quickly, looking horrified.
"I'm sorry" he said quickly, looking away from Harry and trying to disentangle himself from Harry's robes. "I don't know why I did that - it was a stupid thing to do" He finally got away from Harry and struggled to his feet. "I guess I'd better go."
"No!" said Harry quickly. "Don't go - it's OK" Draco froze, and looked at him. "I was surprised that's all. We need to talk about this." Draco sat down, a good distance from Harry.
"Why did you kiss me?" asked Harry after a pause, sounding genuinely curious.
"I don't know - I just did. You looked so scared, and I just wanted to" said Draco, rather incoherently.
"I've never been kissed before" said Harry conversationally. "I bet you have though. I didn't think my first kiss would be like that."
"I've been kissed before" said Draco, wondering what Harry was thinking. "Several times in fact"
"Would you like to kiss me again?" asked Harry nervously, looking at Draco while trying to look as if he wasn't desperately hoping for the other boy to say yes. Draco looked at if he was trying to work out the right answer, but obviously decided to throw caution to the winds.
"If you wouldn't mind" he said softly.
"I don't mind" said Harry, moving closer to Draco. He leaned in towards Draco, and after a pause felt Draco's lips on his in a gentle kiss. Harry kissed back, and Draco gently slid his tongue into Harry's mouth. The two kissed for a little while beneath the trees, bodies pressed against each other, their hands in each others hair. Eventually however, Harry pulled away.
"What time is it?" he asked. Draco was breathing heavily and his eyes shone with lust. The other boy looked at his watch.
"Late" he said regretfully. "Not late enough to get into trouble, but later than we usually stay."
"I'd better go" said Harry softly, hating to leave the other boy.
"Yeah" said Draco, looking slightly hurt. He rolled over and began to gather his stuff. Harry did the same, then climbed to his feet. He looked at Draco and gave him a quick kiss which the other boy returned eagerly.
"Are we keeping to the usual arrangement?" said Draco huskily.
"We'd better" said Harry regretfully. "Don't want to upset Ron"
"Of course not" said Draco sarcastically, but with an understanding tone in his voice. The two walked back to the castle in silence.
"Goodnight" said Harry softly as they separated.
"Goodnight" replied Draco, moving off into the shadows.
As Harry walked slowly up the stairs, his mind was buzzing, trying to make sense of what had just happened. When Draco kissed him it felt so right. He had known that this was how he felt about the other boy and that he had been right when he had told Ron that his relationship with Draco wouldn't affect their own relationship. Even as that thought slid into his mind, doubts began to creep in. He doubted that this was news that Ron would accept with any great enthusiasm, or even neutrality. He decided to keep it from Ron for a while, until things had settled down. After all, Ron never asked. If Ron asked, he would tell him, but if he didn't then he'd wait decided Harry. He paused for a second outside the portrait hole, wondering if everyone would know when they looked at him, wondering if Ron would know. He knew he was being silly, but muttered the password with trepidation anyway. He clambered through nervously and looked around. Hermione and Ron were nowhere to be seen, and he headed across the Common Room with a sense of relief to put his stuff away, saving his Potions book to finish his essay while chatting to Ginny.
The next six weeks passed in a blur for Harry. He sneaked off to meet Draco at every opportunity, but tried to spend as much time with Hermione as possible. He knew it was her last summer at the school, and wanted to see as much of her as possible. Even Harry with his ignorance of medical matters could see she was fading. Even his classmates had begun to realise something was wrong. Hermione's robes hid the extent of her thinness but her pallor was less easily disguised and her repeated absences were impossible to hide. Seamus Finnegan had asked Ron on several occasions if Hermione was OK, and with the end of June approaching, Harry and Ron were both trying to convince Hermione that she should start telling people the truth when they asked her if she was OK. Draco was a great support to Harry, not seeming to mind that all the time they had together was stolen moments and that Harry still hadn't told either of his friends of their relationship. Harry however felt really guilty about it, and knew he should have told his friends a long time ago. Luckily, his friends provided him with the opportunity themselves.
"When are you going to get a girlfriend?" asked Ron idly. The three friends were stretched out on the lawn overlooking the lake, enjoying the sunshine and each others company. Hermione's face had lost the pinched look it often had, and she was as animated as she had been for a long time.
"Yes" she agreed. "Next year is Cho's last, so you'll have to get a move on!"
"No" said Harry cheerfully, his stomach tied in knots. "I don't think I'll be getting a girlfriend any time soon"
"Why not?" asked Ron. "You don't know what you're missing!" he laughed, shooting a glance at Hermione, who blushed.
"I've got a boyfriend" said Harry calmly "and I don't think he'd really appreciate my two-timing him." He kept his tone casual, but didn't dare to look at either of them.
"Who?" asked Hermione interestedly, not sounding at all worried by the fact that Harry was dating someone of the same sex.
"Draco Malfoy actually" he said, somewhat apologetically. Looking up, he caught Hermione's eye and she grinned.
"Come on, details!" she said. "How long has this been going on and who made the first move?"
"We were doing homework by the lake, and talking about things."
"Like what?" interrupted Hermione eagerly
"Life after death actually" said Harry guiltily "and anyway, he said something that upset me. He hugged me to make me stop crying, and then just kissed me."
"And?"
"Well, he freaked and nearly ran off, but I told him not to and we sort of discussed it and then kissed again. That's practically where we are now."
"Have you slept with him?" asked Hermione interestedly. Harry blushed deep purple.
"Hermione!"
"Well, have you? Come on Harry, you know how far we've gone"
"No" said Harry. "We don't get a lot of opportunities for very intense stuff."
All the time, he was glancing at Ron, trying to work out how he was taking this.
"You aren't too mad at me are you?" he said pleadingly, looking from one to the other hopefully. "I know I should have told you sooner, but I didn't want to upset things between us."
"Of course not!" said Hermione. "This doesn't change things between us at all Harry, except for the fact that you'll now have to report developments"
"How long has this been going on?" asked Ron in a strained voice.
"Since May" said Harry softly, staring at Ron. "About six weeks really. I'm not sure of the exact date."
"Do you love him?"
"I don't know."
"How long have you known you were gay?"
"I'm not sure if I am. I didn't know what I felt for Malfoy until he kissed me, and I know I don't want to lose him, but I still watch Cho and other girls"
"This is a lot to take Harry" said Ron quietly. "I've got used to you keeping things from me, but this is quite a big thing to understand." He looked slightly confused, and the hurt look in his eyes made Harry squirm.
"I'm sorry. Your friendship means a lot to me Ron, you know it does! I don't want to keep things from you, and I don't want this to change our relationship, but I want to keep this going"
"I know you've got your rights" said Ron, the confused look beginning to be replaced by an expression of concern "and I accept that, but Draco Malfoy? Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"What do you mean?" asked Harry uncertainly, but with a flash of irritation.
"His father would hand you over to You Know Who in a second. Are you sure Draco won't do the same?"
"Yes" said Harry determinedly. "We're friends, and I know he wouldn't do that to me. Besides, we're in school, and will be for another two years. You Know Who can't get me here, and obviously Draco and I can only see each other here, so I don't think there should be a problem. And two years is a long time. We'll probably have split up before we leave in any case."
"Even so, I think you should be careful. You're my friend, and I want you to be OK"
"I know" said Harry, swallowing back the lump in his throat. "I'll be careful"
There was a pause before Hermione quickly changed the subject, and the easy atmosphere returned quite quickly, leaving Harry with the feeling that his news had gone down quite well, all things considered.
"Would you mind not mentioning this to anyone?" Harry asked as they got up to go for dinner. "It's not that I'm ashamed" he said, seeing Ron's glance and interpreting it correctly "it's just that we've decided it's easier if not too many people know about us."
"Course not" said Hermione cheerfully.
"Wouldn't have told anyway." grunted Ron, smiling at Harry.
"Thanks" said Harry appreciatively, tucking his arm through Hermione's and escorting her to dinner.
I know this is a short part, but REVIEWS will make me write more soon! I apologise for the time between parts, but I suffer from AS levels, and when I do have a part, my computer won't let me upload it!
Hermione's condition stabilised in May, but she was very thin now, and her face held a delicate, fragile look as if she might break at any moment. Harry knew that she was in almost constant pain, but Hermione bravely said nothing about it. She and Ron were closer than ever, and Ron seemed to have forgotten his jealousy over Malfoy with the concern over his girlfriend. Certainly, he did not mention anything to do with Malfoy to Harry, or ask Harry what he did when he was left alone. For his part, Harry tried to avoid leaving the Common Room when the others did, and tried to be back before them.
Draco was slightly cool with Harry when he resumed the meetings, but seemed to understand Harry's preoccupation with Hermione's illness.
"She looks so young" said Draco thoughtfully one day. "Like a china doll or something - somehow not quite real"
"She's changing state" said Harry blandly. Draco turned to look at him, pushing his homework aside and leaning towards Harry. The two were sprawled by the lake, in exactly the spot where they had first begun their friendship.
"What do you believe happens when you die?" he asked curiously.
"I don't know" said Harry. "I like to think that the dead are free from mortal concerns and can be happy, but I don't quite know how that would work. Hermione seems to be changing state, so maybe she is moving to another level of being - something the living can never obtain." There was a pause for a while as Draco tried to understand this, and Harry tried to think of a different way to explain it. "What do you believe?" he asked.
"I don't know" said Draco. His voice sounded cold. "It depends on my mood. Sometimes I think that death is peace and the dead are all happy in another plane of existence, waiting for the living to join them. Sometimes I believe in reincarnation and the chance to live again and try for a better life. But sometimes I think" said Draco, his voice becoming colder, empty, "that death is the end. That you get one life and that's it, and when you die you simply cease to be, finished. You come from nothing and return there."
"I don't like that" said Harry. He could hear fear in his voice, and wondered how Draco's words had affected him so deeply, creating doubt in his idea of an afterlife. "I don't like the thought that this is it, that there is no reason to life, that all there is is the now and the dead are gone for ever."
"I don't always think that" said Draco, "but sometimes I wonder"
"Say it's not true." said Harry urgently. "Tell me that when she dies, I will see her again. Tell me!" His voice rose to a sort of strangled scream as he stared at Draco, begging him to take back his words and tell him that everything was going to be OK, tears beginning to pour down his face.
"It's OK" said Draco. His face was concerned, he had obviously not been expecting his words to have this effect. "I think in all likelihood there is some sort of afterlife - look at the ghosts. Hermione'll be OK, and you'll see her again, don't worry. Come here" he said, moving over to put his arms around Harry.
"Shh, it's OK" he said softly, holding Harry close and stroking his hair. "I'm sorry I said that, it'll all be OK"
Harry looked up at him from his position in Draco's arms. His face was tearstained and his breathing was ragged, though he had stopped sobbing. The green eyes shone out more brilliantly from his glasses because they were full of tears. Draco leaned down and kissed him gently.
Harry froze at the touch of Draco's lips on his. It wasn't just that he was being kissed by a boy, but shock that it was his first kiss and this was not how he'd imagined it. Life with the Dursleys had never given him the opportunity for kissing - the fact that he was rarely allowed to leave the house tended to put a stopper on meeting girls - and his Hogwarts life had been more about his friends and feuds than girlfriends, especially due to Cho's lack of interest. To receive his first kiss from a boy, and one who had been his worst enemy left Harry unsure how to react.
Draco pulled away quickly, looking horrified.
"I'm sorry" he said quickly, looking away from Harry and trying to disentangle himself from Harry's robes. "I don't know why I did that - it was a stupid thing to do" He finally got away from Harry and struggled to his feet. "I guess I'd better go."
"No!" said Harry quickly. "Don't go - it's OK" Draco froze, and looked at him. "I was surprised that's all. We need to talk about this." Draco sat down, a good distance from Harry.
"Why did you kiss me?" asked Harry after a pause, sounding genuinely curious.
"I don't know - I just did. You looked so scared, and I just wanted to" said Draco, rather incoherently.
"I've never been kissed before" said Harry conversationally. "I bet you have though. I didn't think my first kiss would be like that."
"I've been kissed before" said Draco, wondering what Harry was thinking. "Several times in fact"
"Would you like to kiss me again?" asked Harry nervously, looking at Draco while trying to look as if he wasn't desperately hoping for the other boy to say yes. Draco looked at if he was trying to work out the right answer, but obviously decided to throw caution to the winds.
"If you wouldn't mind" he said softly.
"I don't mind" said Harry, moving closer to Draco. He leaned in towards Draco, and after a pause felt Draco's lips on his in a gentle kiss. Harry kissed back, and Draco gently slid his tongue into Harry's mouth. The two kissed for a little while beneath the trees, bodies pressed against each other, their hands in each others hair. Eventually however, Harry pulled away.
"What time is it?" he asked. Draco was breathing heavily and his eyes shone with lust. The other boy looked at his watch.
"Late" he said regretfully. "Not late enough to get into trouble, but later than we usually stay."
"I'd better go" said Harry softly, hating to leave the other boy.
"Yeah" said Draco, looking slightly hurt. He rolled over and began to gather his stuff. Harry did the same, then climbed to his feet. He looked at Draco and gave him a quick kiss which the other boy returned eagerly.
"Are we keeping to the usual arrangement?" said Draco huskily.
"We'd better" said Harry regretfully. "Don't want to upset Ron"
"Of course not" said Draco sarcastically, but with an understanding tone in his voice. The two walked back to the castle in silence.
"Goodnight" said Harry softly as they separated.
"Goodnight" replied Draco, moving off into the shadows.
As Harry walked slowly up the stairs, his mind was buzzing, trying to make sense of what had just happened. When Draco kissed him it felt so right. He had known that this was how he felt about the other boy and that he had been right when he had told Ron that his relationship with Draco wouldn't affect their own relationship. Even as that thought slid into his mind, doubts began to creep in. He doubted that this was news that Ron would accept with any great enthusiasm, or even neutrality. He decided to keep it from Ron for a while, until things had settled down. After all, Ron never asked. If Ron asked, he would tell him, but if he didn't then he'd wait decided Harry. He paused for a second outside the portrait hole, wondering if everyone would know when they looked at him, wondering if Ron would know. He knew he was being silly, but muttered the password with trepidation anyway. He clambered through nervously and looked around. Hermione and Ron were nowhere to be seen, and he headed across the Common Room with a sense of relief to put his stuff away, saving his Potions book to finish his essay while chatting to Ginny.
The next six weeks passed in a blur for Harry. He sneaked off to meet Draco at every opportunity, but tried to spend as much time with Hermione as possible. He knew it was her last summer at the school, and wanted to see as much of her as possible. Even Harry with his ignorance of medical matters could see she was fading. Even his classmates had begun to realise something was wrong. Hermione's robes hid the extent of her thinness but her pallor was less easily disguised and her repeated absences were impossible to hide. Seamus Finnegan had asked Ron on several occasions if Hermione was OK, and with the end of June approaching, Harry and Ron were both trying to convince Hermione that she should start telling people the truth when they asked her if she was OK. Draco was a great support to Harry, not seeming to mind that all the time they had together was stolen moments and that Harry still hadn't told either of his friends of their relationship. Harry however felt really guilty about it, and knew he should have told his friends a long time ago. Luckily, his friends provided him with the opportunity themselves.
"When are you going to get a girlfriend?" asked Ron idly. The three friends were stretched out on the lawn overlooking the lake, enjoying the sunshine and each others company. Hermione's face had lost the pinched look it often had, and she was as animated as she had been for a long time.
"Yes" she agreed. "Next year is Cho's last, so you'll have to get a move on!"
"No" said Harry cheerfully, his stomach tied in knots. "I don't think I'll be getting a girlfriend any time soon"
"Why not?" asked Ron. "You don't know what you're missing!" he laughed, shooting a glance at Hermione, who blushed.
"I've got a boyfriend" said Harry calmly "and I don't think he'd really appreciate my two-timing him." He kept his tone casual, but didn't dare to look at either of them.
"Who?" asked Hermione interestedly, not sounding at all worried by the fact that Harry was dating someone of the same sex.
"Draco Malfoy actually" he said, somewhat apologetically. Looking up, he caught Hermione's eye and she grinned.
"Come on, details!" she said. "How long has this been going on and who made the first move?"
"We were doing homework by the lake, and talking about things."
"Like what?" interrupted Hermione eagerly
"Life after death actually" said Harry guiltily "and anyway, he said something that upset me. He hugged me to make me stop crying, and then just kissed me."
"And?"
"Well, he freaked and nearly ran off, but I told him not to and we sort of discussed it and then kissed again. That's practically where we are now."
"Have you slept with him?" asked Hermione interestedly. Harry blushed deep purple.
"Hermione!"
"Well, have you? Come on Harry, you know how far we've gone"
"No" said Harry. "We don't get a lot of opportunities for very intense stuff."
All the time, he was glancing at Ron, trying to work out how he was taking this.
"You aren't too mad at me are you?" he said pleadingly, looking from one to the other hopefully. "I know I should have told you sooner, but I didn't want to upset things between us."
"Of course not!" said Hermione. "This doesn't change things between us at all Harry, except for the fact that you'll now have to report developments"
"How long has this been going on?" asked Ron in a strained voice.
"Since May" said Harry softly, staring at Ron. "About six weeks really. I'm not sure of the exact date."
"Do you love him?"
"I don't know."
"How long have you known you were gay?"
"I'm not sure if I am. I didn't know what I felt for Malfoy until he kissed me, and I know I don't want to lose him, but I still watch Cho and other girls"
"This is a lot to take Harry" said Ron quietly. "I've got used to you keeping things from me, but this is quite a big thing to understand." He looked slightly confused, and the hurt look in his eyes made Harry squirm.
"I'm sorry. Your friendship means a lot to me Ron, you know it does! I don't want to keep things from you, and I don't want this to change our relationship, but I want to keep this going"
"I know you've got your rights" said Ron, the confused look beginning to be replaced by an expression of concern "and I accept that, but Draco Malfoy? Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"What do you mean?" asked Harry uncertainly, but with a flash of irritation.
"His father would hand you over to You Know Who in a second. Are you sure Draco won't do the same?"
"Yes" said Harry determinedly. "We're friends, and I know he wouldn't do that to me. Besides, we're in school, and will be for another two years. You Know Who can't get me here, and obviously Draco and I can only see each other here, so I don't think there should be a problem. And two years is a long time. We'll probably have split up before we leave in any case."
"Even so, I think you should be careful. You're my friend, and I want you to be OK"
"I know" said Harry, swallowing back the lump in his throat. "I'll be careful"
There was a pause before Hermione quickly changed the subject, and the easy atmosphere returned quite quickly, leaving Harry with the feeling that his news had gone down quite well, all things considered.
"Would you mind not mentioning this to anyone?" Harry asked as they got up to go for dinner. "It's not that I'm ashamed" he said, seeing Ron's glance and interpreting it correctly "it's just that we've decided it's easier if not too many people know about us."
"Course not" said Hermione cheerfully.
"Wouldn't have told anyway." grunted Ron, smiling at Harry.
"Thanks" said Harry appreciatively, tucking his arm through Hermione's and escorting her to dinner.
I know this is a short part, but REVIEWS will make me write more soon! I apologise for the time between parts, but I suffer from AS levels, and when I do have a part, my computer won't let me upload it!