Now
When his tears subsided, Harry lay exhausted on the bed. His mind was full of memories, all of which were shadowed with grief. 'When did it all start?' he wondered, thinking back to those dark days of Hermione's illness and the following events. He winced thinking about it, but the memories kept coming.
Then
The end of term approached quickly. Hermione had gradually begun to tell people about what was going to happen, swearing them to secrecy. Harry couldn't imagine Hogwarts without Hermione. As the end of term got closer, he found it harder and harder to stop thinking about what was going to happen. All three of them cried at the end of term feast, and the journey home was a strained occasion, all three of them trying to behave normally but failing miserably. Harry knew that after he left the station with Uncle Vernon he would never see Hermione again. Whenever he thought about it he had to swallow a lump in his throat. Before they got off the train, he got Ginny to take a picture of them, all three with their arms around each other, grinning bravely at the camera. Harry had been taking a lot of pictures that year. They all cried again when they got off the train. Harry knew Hermione would write, but the knowledge didn't make the ache inside him disappear. Draco was carefully keeping out of the way. Harry saw him in the distance as he gave Hermione a final farewell hug, tears streaming down both their faces.
"I'll never forget you" he promised. "Write to me, and I hope we'll meet again some day"
"I'm sorry" sobbed Hermione. "You're my best friend Harry, and I know you'll be happy." They clung together for a second, then separated. Harry watched Hermione get into her parents car and close the door before he climbed into Uncle Vernon's car. They drove home in silence.
That summer was one of the worst Harry had spent. Not only was Dudley STILL on his diet (which wasn't really doing him much good, as far as Harry could see), but he had to face the fact that the autumn term, when it finally came, would be a strange and unsettling experience without Hermione. The only good thing about that summer was that he was allowed to let Hedwig out of her cage, and so could send letters to Ron, Sirius and Hermione. He wrote to Hermione about once a week, Ron less. He didn't dare write to Draco, and Draco seemed to feel the same because he didn't write to Harry at all. Sirius was very helpful about Hermione's condition, advising Harry to write to him about everything and not to bottle up his feelings. These letters made Harry feel even worse, as he still hadn't dared to tell Sirius about his relationship with Draco, and how strained things had been between him and Ron at the end of term. Harry missed Draco dreadfully. He was quite surprised by how attached he had become to the cynical blond. Every blond boy he saw in the street reminded him of Draco, and the sense of disappointment he felt when he realised that it wasn't him was sharp. When he went to London with the Weasleys the week before school started again he kept his eyes peeled, but this year Draco had obviously got his school things on another occasion, as Harry saw neither hide nor hair of him. He was staying with the Weasleys as he always did the week before term started, and things between him and Ron seemed to be OK. Ron was quieter than usual, but Harry suspected that he himself was not as talkative as usual either. He was preoccupied with wondering what the year would be like without Hermione, but also wondering whether Draco would have gone off him over the summer. He knew it was silly to worry about it, but Harry couldn't help it. However, it was never easy to brood at the Burrow, especially not with the twins about. Their business was up and running, and they tested some of their more interesting jokes on their family, with interesting results. They were trying to perfect sweets that made your hair change colour, but unfortunately they were not going according to plan. Mrs Weasley put her foot down after they turned Ron's hair hot pink and it resisted everyone's efforts to change it back.
"I'm not having them go to school looking like hooligans!" she snapped. "Test them on yourselves until they work properly." Luckily, Ron's hair resumed its normal colour the day before they had to catch the train. Hermione had sent them each a good luck letter the day before, sounding cheerful and not at all bothered that they would be going back without her. Harry thought he could see a faint tearstain on the envelope, and he missed her with a hollow feeling of pain. All three had got good OWLS (better than the twins, but only Hermione had equalled Percy's great achievement), and Percy loftily assured them that their results were probably good enough for them to do most things.
He and Ron managed to secure themselves a compartment. Ginny dragged her trunk in and asked them to look after it before going in search of her own friends. The silence hung heavily between him and Ron after she left. Harry could think of nothing to say, and apparently Ron couldn't think of anything either. All there was to say had already been said, and somehow small talk didn't seem appropriate. Harry kept glancing out into the corridor, hoping to see Draco. After a while, Ron said irritably.
"Why don't you just go and look for him? You're driving me mad!"
"Sorry" said Harry contritely. He had in fact been considering that option, but as yet hadn't got the nerve. He did his best to sit still, fixing his gaze on the corridor, but he twitched every time someone walked past.
"Just go" said Ron impatiently. "You know you'll go eventually, so you might as well go now and get it over with"
"What'll I say?"
"You're going to the toilet or something. No one's checking up on you Harry. Just go away and let me have some peace."
"OK" said Harry, partly relieved at leaving the strained atmosphere and partly terrified at the idea of looking for Draco.
"He's probably looking for you anyway" he heard Ron mutter as he stepped out of the compartment.
"Good luck!" he said more audibly. Harry pulled the door closed and took a deep breath before heading towards the front of the train where the Slytherins tended to gather, glancing into each compartment as he went. He had walked through about three carriages when he finally saw him. He was heading down the train some distance away, glancing into each compartment he passed. Harry's heart skipped a beat as the other boy caught sight of him. Harry kept his hand down by his side, but made a gesture he hoped Draco could see, pointing at the toilet next to him. The other boy nodded discreetly and Harry went calmly into the cramped toilet, pushing back against the wall so that he wouldn't be squashed when Draco opened the door, an event which occurred a minute later. Draco pushed the door closed and locked it. Harry moved forward awkwardly in the small space (which had been bad enough with one person in it, but was terrible with two) and hugged him tightly, a hug that Draco returned eagerly.
"How was your summer?" asked Harry softly, relaxing the hug so he could look at his boyfriend while keeping his arms around him.
"The same as usual" said Draco dryly. He leaned down and kissed Harry deeply. Harry returned the kiss with all the intensity of the past few months, his hands threading through Draco's hair, almost trying to bury himself in Draco's scent, the feeling of his embrace and the sensation of his lips. Draco gripped him round the waist, sliding his hands downwards onto Harry's rear and pulling him closer. Harry felt a bolt of lust shoot through him as their kissing became more urgent. All his worries vanished and all he could think about was Draco's body pressed close to his. Draco's hands slid around the front and began unfastening Harry's jeans. Harry stifled a moan as Draco dropped to his knees in front of him before being overwhelmed by the sensations the other boy produced.
After returning the favour, both boys hastily refastened their jeans.
"I'll see you in the usual place after tea tomorrow" said Draco softly before kissing Harry gently goodbye. He opened the door and went out. Harry locked it behind him and stared at himself in the mirror. He looked no different from usual - his hair was still a mess, his eyes still covered by his glasses. The only change was in how Harry felt. He opened the door and headed to the compartment where he had left Ron.
"You found him then?" said Ron sourly, looking round as Harry entered the compartment.
"Yes" said Harry softly. There was a pause before Ron said.
"We'd better get changed. We'll be there soon." Harry nodded dumbly and headed for his trunk.
Ginny arrived with the same purpose in mind ten minutes later.
"You haven't just been sitting here all this time have you?" Ron flushed slightly and Harry looked away.
"I know it's horrible, but you should have gone and talked to someone - distracted yourselves instead of brooding here"
"Just leave it Ginny." said Harry quietly, turning a rather interesting shade of purple despite his best efforts. Ron looked like he was about to explode. Ginny gave them both a look and got her robes out of her trunk. She disappeared down the corridor and both boys went back to sitting in silence. Five minutes later, Dean Thomas appeared.
"So this is where you two are! I've been looking for you everywhere." He began to chatter happily, asking them questions about their holidays, and the rest of the journey passed easily. The Feast was almost as cheerful as always, much to Harry's surprise. He could feel a space where Hermione should have been, and knew Ron could feel it too, but it didn't seem as bad as he had been expecting. He could also make eye contact with Draco while he was eating, something that always gave him a secret thrill.
The thing that was strangest about Hermione's absence were the lessons, something which Harry had been expecting. Now Hermione was not there to volunteer the correct answer, lessons were much more silent, and seemed to mainly consist of everyone just sitting there blankly until the teacher picked someone to answer. Harry found this incredibly distressing, he wasn't sure why. The work was also getting harder, and most people found that without Hermione to explain things to them homework was a thing that required considerably more effort. Hermione wrote to them religiously, and Harry wrote back. Now he was back at school, what Hermione seemed to want to know most was his relationship with Malfoy. Harry was happy to oblige. Ron pretended that Harry wasn't seeing him, and turned a blind eye to his absences, though he covered for Harry if necessary. Harry was grateful for this, but he hated not being able to talk about his relationship to anyone. He was an open person by nature, and the secrecy, while necessary, was annoying. Hermione's letters therefore, provided him with the chance to talk about it, and being as he wasn't sure what else to say to Hermione without rubbing things in, made writing to her a lot easier. Hermione had told him, with a great deal of amusement, that she would burn his letters before she died. Harry had laughed when he read it, but the sentence had left a mark. He knew he would not burn hers.
Life at Hogwarts quickly adapted to Hermione's absence however, a fact that Ron especially found hard to understand.
"They were friends with her for five years!" he burst out one day as he and Harry were walking down to Hagrids hut. "How can they not ask how she is?"
"They do ask" said Harry thoughtfully. "It's just that they're not sure what to say."
"How is Hermione?" suggested Ron sarcastically.
"They know how she is, in essence anyway" Harry pointed out, the unspoken 'She's dying' ringing loud and clear in the small pause. "and they expect us to tell them if there's any change."
"Why should we? If they can't even be bothered to ask, then why should we tell?"
"Like you said, they've been friends with her for five years."
"I don't like it." said Ron. He seemed about to say something else, but shook his head with irritation, and they completed the walk in silence.
Hermione died on Easter Day. Her goodbye letter to Harry told him she had burned his letters. Harry cried, but somehow it felt as if Hermione had been dead for a long time already. He hadn't seen her for nine months, and he had become accustomed to a routine without her. He felt guilty for feeling like this, but both Sirius and Draco assured him that it was perfectly natural, and probably healthy. Harry suspected that Ron felt a bit like this too, but never dared to ask. He and Ron had drifted slowly further apart that year, and Ron's grief over Hermione's death pushed them further apart than ever. Sometimes things seemed to be perfectly normal, and it was almost as if they were just waiting for Hermione to come back from the library, but other times it was as if they were strangers. He couldn't seem to reach Ron any more - his grief was almost palpable, a dark shadow filling the air around him, pushing Harry away no matter what he tried to do.
By contrast however, his relationship with Draco had intensified. Harry knew without a shadow of doubt that he was deeply in love with the other boy, and that Draco returned that love. They had established a routine, of midnight meetings in deserted classrooms and secret clinches beside the lake. That Easter, Draco had stayed at school over the holidays and he had been a great comfort to Harry in the week before term started. Ron withdrew into himself, and even Seamus Finnegan (who was renowned for getting secrets out of people) couldn't get a word out of him. Ron was gradually cutting himself off from the world, burying himself in his schoolwork and his black, melancholic thoughts. Both Harry and Ginny were very worried about him, but neither could get through to him. However, he seemed to be getting more cheerful towards the end of the summer term, and it was a real surprise to everyone when he hung himself from the banisters of the main stairs the day before term ended for the summer. He didn't leave a note, but everyone knew why he had done it.
What will Harry do now? How has Ginny been affected by her brother's death? Answers/suggestions in your REVIEW! Sorry things have been taking so long, but I have REALLY IMPORTANT exams, and I actually have to do some work! Thanks very much to everyone who has reviewed this so far - I really appreciate feedback, even flames (I've never had one!)
When his tears subsided, Harry lay exhausted on the bed. His mind was full of memories, all of which were shadowed with grief. 'When did it all start?' he wondered, thinking back to those dark days of Hermione's illness and the following events. He winced thinking about it, but the memories kept coming.
Then
The end of term approached quickly. Hermione had gradually begun to tell people about what was going to happen, swearing them to secrecy. Harry couldn't imagine Hogwarts without Hermione. As the end of term got closer, he found it harder and harder to stop thinking about what was going to happen. All three of them cried at the end of term feast, and the journey home was a strained occasion, all three of them trying to behave normally but failing miserably. Harry knew that after he left the station with Uncle Vernon he would never see Hermione again. Whenever he thought about it he had to swallow a lump in his throat. Before they got off the train, he got Ginny to take a picture of them, all three with their arms around each other, grinning bravely at the camera. Harry had been taking a lot of pictures that year. They all cried again when they got off the train. Harry knew Hermione would write, but the knowledge didn't make the ache inside him disappear. Draco was carefully keeping out of the way. Harry saw him in the distance as he gave Hermione a final farewell hug, tears streaming down both their faces.
"I'll never forget you" he promised. "Write to me, and I hope we'll meet again some day"
"I'm sorry" sobbed Hermione. "You're my best friend Harry, and I know you'll be happy." They clung together for a second, then separated. Harry watched Hermione get into her parents car and close the door before he climbed into Uncle Vernon's car. They drove home in silence.
That summer was one of the worst Harry had spent. Not only was Dudley STILL on his diet (which wasn't really doing him much good, as far as Harry could see), but he had to face the fact that the autumn term, when it finally came, would be a strange and unsettling experience without Hermione. The only good thing about that summer was that he was allowed to let Hedwig out of her cage, and so could send letters to Ron, Sirius and Hermione. He wrote to Hermione about once a week, Ron less. He didn't dare write to Draco, and Draco seemed to feel the same because he didn't write to Harry at all. Sirius was very helpful about Hermione's condition, advising Harry to write to him about everything and not to bottle up his feelings. These letters made Harry feel even worse, as he still hadn't dared to tell Sirius about his relationship with Draco, and how strained things had been between him and Ron at the end of term. Harry missed Draco dreadfully. He was quite surprised by how attached he had become to the cynical blond. Every blond boy he saw in the street reminded him of Draco, and the sense of disappointment he felt when he realised that it wasn't him was sharp. When he went to London with the Weasleys the week before school started again he kept his eyes peeled, but this year Draco had obviously got his school things on another occasion, as Harry saw neither hide nor hair of him. He was staying with the Weasleys as he always did the week before term started, and things between him and Ron seemed to be OK. Ron was quieter than usual, but Harry suspected that he himself was not as talkative as usual either. He was preoccupied with wondering what the year would be like without Hermione, but also wondering whether Draco would have gone off him over the summer. He knew it was silly to worry about it, but Harry couldn't help it. However, it was never easy to brood at the Burrow, especially not with the twins about. Their business was up and running, and they tested some of their more interesting jokes on their family, with interesting results. They were trying to perfect sweets that made your hair change colour, but unfortunately they were not going according to plan. Mrs Weasley put her foot down after they turned Ron's hair hot pink and it resisted everyone's efforts to change it back.
"I'm not having them go to school looking like hooligans!" she snapped. "Test them on yourselves until they work properly." Luckily, Ron's hair resumed its normal colour the day before they had to catch the train. Hermione had sent them each a good luck letter the day before, sounding cheerful and not at all bothered that they would be going back without her. Harry thought he could see a faint tearstain on the envelope, and he missed her with a hollow feeling of pain. All three had got good OWLS (better than the twins, but only Hermione had equalled Percy's great achievement), and Percy loftily assured them that their results were probably good enough for them to do most things.
He and Ron managed to secure themselves a compartment. Ginny dragged her trunk in and asked them to look after it before going in search of her own friends. The silence hung heavily between him and Ron after she left. Harry could think of nothing to say, and apparently Ron couldn't think of anything either. All there was to say had already been said, and somehow small talk didn't seem appropriate. Harry kept glancing out into the corridor, hoping to see Draco. After a while, Ron said irritably.
"Why don't you just go and look for him? You're driving me mad!"
"Sorry" said Harry contritely. He had in fact been considering that option, but as yet hadn't got the nerve. He did his best to sit still, fixing his gaze on the corridor, but he twitched every time someone walked past.
"Just go" said Ron impatiently. "You know you'll go eventually, so you might as well go now and get it over with"
"What'll I say?"
"You're going to the toilet or something. No one's checking up on you Harry. Just go away and let me have some peace."
"OK" said Harry, partly relieved at leaving the strained atmosphere and partly terrified at the idea of looking for Draco.
"He's probably looking for you anyway" he heard Ron mutter as he stepped out of the compartment.
"Good luck!" he said more audibly. Harry pulled the door closed and took a deep breath before heading towards the front of the train where the Slytherins tended to gather, glancing into each compartment as he went. He had walked through about three carriages when he finally saw him. He was heading down the train some distance away, glancing into each compartment he passed. Harry's heart skipped a beat as the other boy caught sight of him. Harry kept his hand down by his side, but made a gesture he hoped Draco could see, pointing at the toilet next to him. The other boy nodded discreetly and Harry went calmly into the cramped toilet, pushing back against the wall so that he wouldn't be squashed when Draco opened the door, an event which occurred a minute later. Draco pushed the door closed and locked it. Harry moved forward awkwardly in the small space (which had been bad enough with one person in it, but was terrible with two) and hugged him tightly, a hug that Draco returned eagerly.
"How was your summer?" asked Harry softly, relaxing the hug so he could look at his boyfriend while keeping his arms around him.
"The same as usual" said Draco dryly. He leaned down and kissed Harry deeply. Harry returned the kiss with all the intensity of the past few months, his hands threading through Draco's hair, almost trying to bury himself in Draco's scent, the feeling of his embrace and the sensation of his lips. Draco gripped him round the waist, sliding his hands downwards onto Harry's rear and pulling him closer. Harry felt a bolt of lust shoot through him as their kissing became more urgent. All his worries vanished and all he could think about was Draco's body pressed close to his. Draco's hands slid around the front and began unfastening Harry's jeans. Harry stifled a moan as Draco dropped to his knees in front of him before being overwhelmed by the sensations the other boy produced.
After returning the favour, both boys hastily refastened their jeans.
"I'll see you in the usual place after tea tomorrow" said Draco softly before kissing Harry gently goodbye. He opened the door and went out. Harry locked it behind him and stared at himself in the mirror. He looked no different from usual - his hair was still a mess, his eyes still covered by his glasses. The only change was in how Harry felt. He opened the door and headed to the compartment where he had left Ron.
"You found him then?" said Ron sourly, looking round as Harry entered the compartment.
"Yes" said Harry softly. There was a pause before Ron said.
"We'd better get changed. We'll be there soon." Harry nodded dumbly and headed for his trunk.
Ginny arrived with the same purpose in mind ten minutes later.
"You haven't just been sitting here all this time have you?" Ron flushed slightly and Harry looked away.
"I know it's horrible, but you should have gone and talked to someone - distracted yourselves instead of brooding here"
"Just leave it Ginny." said Harry quietly, turning a rather interesting shade of purple despite his best efforts. Ron looked like he was about to explode. Ginny gave them both a look and got her robes out of her trunk. She disappeared down the corridor and both boys went back to sitting in silence. Five minutes later, Dean Thomas appeared.
"So this is where you two are! I've been looking for you everywhere." He began to chatter happily, asking them questions about their holidays, and the rest of the journey passed easily. The Feast was almost as cheerful as always, much to Harry's surprise. He could feel a space where Hermione should have been, and knew Ron could feel it too, but it didn't seem as bad as he had been expecting. He could also make eye contact with Draco while he was eating, something that always gave him a secret thrill.
The thing that was strangest about Hermione's absence were the lessons, something which Harry had been expecting. Now Hermione was not there to volunteer the correct answer, lessons were much more silent, and seemed to mainly consist of everyone just sitting there blankly until the teacher picked someone to answer. Harry found this incredibly distressing, he wasn't sure why. The work was also getting harder, and most people found that without Hermione to explain things to them homework was a thing that required considerably more effort. Hermione wrote to them religiously, and Harry wrote back. Now he was back at school, what Hermione seemed to want to know most was his relationship with Malfoy. Harry was happy to oblige. Ron pretended that Harry wasn't seeing him, and turned a blind eye to his absences, though he covered for Harry if necessary. Harry was grateful for this, but he hated not being able to talk about his relationship to anyone. He was an open person by nature, and the secrecy, while necessary, was annoying. Hermione's letters therefore, provided him with the chance to talk about it, and being as he wasn't sure what else to say to Hermione without rubbing things in, made writing to her a lot easier. Hermione had told him, with a great deal of amusement, that she would burn his letters before she died. Harry had laughed when he read it, but the sentence had left a mark. He knew he would not burn hers.
Life at Hogwarts quickly adapted to Hermione's absence however, a fact that Ron especially found hard to understand.
"They were friends with her for five years!" he burst out one day as he and Harry were walking down to Hagrids hut. "How can they not ask how she is?"
"They do ask" said Harry thoughtfully. "It's just that they're not sure what to say."
"How is Hermione?" suggested Ron sarcastically.
"They know how she is, in essence anyway" Harry pointed out, the unspoken 'She's dying' ringing loud and clear in the small pause. "and they expect us to tell them if there's any change."
"Why should we? If they can't even be bothered to ask, then why should we tell?"
"Like you said, they've been friends with her for five years."
"I don't like it." said Ron. He seemed about to say something else, but shook his head with irritation, and they completed the walk in silence.
Hermione died on Easter Day. Her goodbye letter to Harry told him she had burned his letters. Harry cried, but somehow it felt as if Hermione had been dead for a long time already. He hadn't seen her for nine months, and he had become accustomed to a routine without her. He felt guilty for feeling like this, but both Sirius and Draco assured him that it was perfectly natural, and probably healthy. Harry suspected that Ron felt a bit like this too, but never dared to ask. He and Ron had drifted slowly further apart that year, and Ron's grief over Hermione's death pushed them further apart than ever. Sometimes things seemed to be perfectly normal, and it was almost as if they were just waiting for Hermione to come back from the library, but other times it was as if they were strangers. He couldn't seem to reach Ron any more - his grief was almost palpable, a dark shadow filling the air around him, pushing Harry away no matter what he tried to do.
By contrast however, his relationship with Draco had intensified. Harry knew without a shadow of doubt that he was deeply in love with the other boy, and that Draco returned that love. They had established a routine, of midnight meetings in deserted classrooms and secret clinches beside the lake. That Easter, Draco had stayed at school over the holidays and he had been a great comfort to Harry in the week before term started. Ron withdrew into himself, and even Seamus Finnegan (who was renowned for getting secrets out of people) couldn't get a word out of him. Ron was gradually cutting himself off from the world, burying himself in his schoolwork and his black, melancholic thoughts. Both Harry and Ginny were very worried about him, but neither could get through to him. However, he seemed to be getting more cheerful towards the end of the summer term, and it was a real surprise to everyone when he hung himself from the banisters of the main stairs the day before term ended for the summer. He didn't leave a note, but everyone knew why he had done it.
What will Harry do now? How has Ginny been affected by her brother's death? Answers/suggestions in your REVIEW! Sorry things have been taking so long, but I have REALLY IMPORTANT exams, and I actually have to do some work! Thanks very much to everyone who has reviewed this so far - I really appreciate feedback, even flames (I've never had one!)