Disclaimer: as much as I hate to admit it, I do not own the original HP
characters, I only get to play with them, but I'm not allowed to keep Draco
in my room ::Pouts:: oh well next chappie.
Kisses
Stormie reached for her bag that she always had with her. Her hands were shaking, and tears were rolling down her cold numb face. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there in the snow remembering the first time, but she needed her meds. She was supposed to be off of them over the summer, but when it's so easy to get your hands on the small pills, you just can't keep away. She fished through her bag until she found what she was looking for. She pulled a small orangey see through bottle out of her bag. She pushed down and twisted, the muggle safety cap rolled away from her in the snow. She dumped a few of the little footballs into her hand. She popped them in her mouth, the bitter taste filling her, letting her know she was alive.
She sighed a little while later when she felt her world start to slow down, she loved this feeling, and she would never, ever give it up. Ever. She slowly pulled herself up from the cold ground and began the trip back to the castle. She knew that no one could ever tell that she had taken her meds, well almost no one. Her cousin could, but she never said anything because she took a couple every now and than, but no where near as much as she took.
'Oh well, I need them more.' She thought. She had been taking more and more of the muggle meds ever since she had started at Hogwarts, she just couldn't stay calm, no matter what. She had tried to skip a day of the pills, but she had blown up at some little first year that knocked into her, it had stunned everyone. She always took at least ten of the little pills a day; they kept her calm and not sad. But best of all they put a little film over her mind. They made it so she could remember the pain, but not feel it. She loved the little pills.
She finally made it to the gates of the school. She took a deep breath, willing the pills to have a stronger effect. When she had first started taking them they had been stronger, so strong that one knocked her onto her ass and she slept for six hours. Now she was lucky if she couldn't feel anything with four of the little pills. She trudged through the snow.
She walked up the stairs and into the castle, and sighed deeply as the warmth washed over her. She needed to write to Justin Cusino, her source. She needed something stronger, X maybe? Oh well she would think later, now wasn't the best time to decide what would be better. She walked up to Gryffindor Tower. No one was there.
She sat alone in her dorm, chewing on the end of a quill, not sure of what to write. 'Maybe I should just ask him to send me something stronger?' she thought to herself. 'No, I will ask for Ecstasy and maybe some sleeping pills. I want some weed too.' She thought to herself. She had tried Ecstasy one and she liked the happiness the trips gave her. Of course, Justin had been there to baby-sit at the time. 'Oh well, I am a big girl, I can baby- sit myself.' With that thought she began her letter.
Cuz, Hey it's Red. I need something better, maybe some Ecstasy? And I need some sleepers too. Been having a fucked up time up here all by my lonely, sleep don't come easy. Oh and before I forget send some weed too. Red.
Stormie looked the note over. Satisfied, she went looking for Hunter. She found the beautiful owl in the owlery. She tied the letter to his leg and told him where to go. She watched as he flew out of the window, growing smaller with each flap of his mighty wings.
'I wish I was that free.' She thought to herself. She couldn't even pull off a good Tiger right now; well she could because the pills weren't working too hot. Only two things could stop her from transforming, one: being stoned, two: having suffered some sort of shock or been mentally hurt. That's why the rapes had happened, she couldn't transform. She was both shocked and hurt. It hurt to know that someone she had trusted had abused her trust. 'Damn, I am NOT supposed to remember that when I take the meds.' She thought angrily. She stalked back to the dorm. She pulled the hangings on her bed shut and lay there, until finally, sleep overtook her.
Two days passed with no reply from Justin. She buried herself in her potions work. She was missing the key ingredient, though and couldn't figure out what it was. She wracked her brain till 12 in the mourning, but still she was missing an ingredient.
"Shit!" she said as she slammed the large book shut. She glanced at her watch. 12:30. she sighed, not sure what she wanted to do. Tired of reading and feeling the need to stretch, she stood up from the chair and stuffed all her junk into her bag. She silently walked down to the great hall. With a swoosh of her wand, the tables disappeared. She than began to hum softly to herself as she started doing the complicated warm ups.
Once she had all her kinks worked out she began the dance that had made her give up Ballet. She twirled and twisted. Jumped and floated, sad silent tears streaked her face, sticking to her lashes, blurring her vision. She went into one of the more complicated moves. She spun so fast her world got blurry. She landed with a thud on the cold, hard, stone floor. She lay there, un-moving while letting the bitter tears streak her face.
Draco sat in a corner, doing some work that he had been assigned over the holidays, he watched the small red head do some stretches, and than start out a beautiful dance. He could hear her humming. She spun around and leaped, her reddish hair fanning around her, making her look like an angel out there for his own amusement. Than she fell, he wanted to go help her up, to hold her, to kiss away the hurt, but he didn't move. She had been avoiding him, refusing help on the Potions project, turning and walking the other way when she saw him coming.
He watched as she pulled herself up. A small sad smile playing on her face. He heard her whisper right after she restored the room.
"Well, he taught me to fall the right way." A small sad laugh followed the amusing words. And just as suddenly as she had come and lit up his world with her beautiful dance, she left. Unknowingly leaving a very confused Draco. Two thoughts played in his mind as he made his way back to his dorm. Why was she trying to push him away, and who had taught her to fall?
Stormie awoke to Hunter nibbling at her. She let out a nervous laugh. And than she saw it. A letter and a package. She quickly read the letter.
Hey Red. I was begging to wonder what you were up to. So the other pills ain't making you fly no more? Oh well, just like you always say, no worries, I got your back. In the box is the weed you wanted, some sleepers, some X, and I would like to introduce you to Coke and Crystal. You owe me big for this by, the way. But this time it's free, not like you can't afford it. Find someone to baby-sit you when you roll, I don't want nothin'' to happen to my little Red.
Now for how to use Coke, you cut it and snort. You have done it before when you snorted those Yellow Jackets over the summer.
Crystal, you have to dump a little onto the foil, apply heat to under the foil and inhale through a straw or empty pen, or what ever you snort with will work.
Hope you get your wings back with this shit.
Cuz
Stormie followed the directions and chopped the Coke into lines on a mirror. She then snorted the white powder through a marker tube. She saw stars. She felt the familiar high take her over. She sighed a sigh of tranquility and fell back against her pillows.
The door opened and in walked Bradian. "What's up?" he asked.
"You're ruining my high." She said as she lazily traced her bedspread.
"I thought you stopped that shit? If Brite finds out he'll hunt Justin down and do an unforgivable on him." Bradian warned his sister. They were all well acquainted with Justin, who they also know as Cuz. Brite and Bradian had jumped the boy once for pushing at their sister.
"Oh. Well." She said before she burst out in a small fit of giggles. Bradian frowned.
"You know Draco says you have been avoiding him." He pointed out; he decided if she got any worse he would have to tell Brite.
"So?" she asked, still tracing her fingers along the bedspread.
"What? Aren't I allowed to know why you're avoiding the poor dude?" he asked.
She let out a sigh and turned to face him. "It's because I'm fucked up. And I don't mean by the drugs and shit, but here in my head. I know I could never love him, you know, Brite knows. But he don't. I don't want to hurt him, Bradian. He's too sweet. Sure, we fucked, or shagged, or whatever you want to call it. But I needed the physical contact. I needed to know I was alive that night, I needed a release. He was there. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew that I would find some way to hurt him, and I don't want to." She looked sad after her speech. He had let her talk and talk. Of course he had no idea about "that night" but that didn't matter.
He looked at the sister that they had protected for so long, but when something had happened that they should have stopped, they hadn't noticed. They had failed her; they had made her lose her trust. But they were more observant of her now. He knew that Brite would be able to tell she was high, but he had heard something, something other than that they had ruined her love life. He had heard her caring about someone. Something she hadn't done in a while.
Sure, she would fight for Mel, him and Bradian, and now Gin in a New York minute, but that was as far as her priorities went. She didn't care when she was using someone, and she did not feel guilt. She had been unable to feel that emotion since it was blocked off last year and all she could feel guilty about was what had happened to her. But she had just admitted she had felt guilty about what she did to Draco. The boy had gotten to her and now she was trying to push him away.
"Storms, look, he's not gonna go anywhere, you know that, right? He will still be your Potions partner; he will still be in two of your classes. He isn't just gonna up and disappear because you're afraid of what you feel." He waited for his sister to reply.
"I don't wanna talk about it." She said after a couple of minutes. 'Fuck, he's ruining my high!' she thought angrily.
"STORMS! I AM NOT MEL OR GIN! I AM NOT JUST GONNA NOD AND LEAVE YOU TO O.D.! I AM YOUR BROTHER! I DO CARE! BRITE CARES! WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU!" Before he could go on Stormie yelled back at him, tears streaking her face.
"WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU A YEAR AGO? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I HAD TO GO TO THAT CLASS EVERYDAY, REGARDLESS OF WHAT I FELT, OR WHAT WAS GOING ON? YOU KNOW WHO WAS THERE FOR ME? NO FUCKING BODY! I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERYNIGHT! I DIDN'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS, AND THE ONES I DID HAVE GOT PUSHED AWAY WHEN THAT SHIT STARTED! WHERE WERE YOU THEN? WHY DIDN'T YOU NOTICE I WAS ALONE, BY MYSELF? THAT MY SKIN WAS ALWAYS RED AND BURNT BECAUSE EVRY TIME HE TOUCHED ME, EVEN IN CLASS IF IT WAS A PAT ON THE BACK, I SCRUBBED MYSELF RAW BECAUSE I FELT DIRTY! WHERE WERE YOU TWO THEN?" she was shaking with self-pity and anger. Tears dripped down her face, but she made no move to stop them.
"I GET IT STORMS, WE FUCKED UP! WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU, BUT IT'S NOT OUR FAULT, WE HAD NO CLUE WHAT WAS GOING ON! AND WHEN EVER WE DID TRY TO TALK TO YOU, YOU PUSHED US AWAY!" he looked at her trembling form. She was so small.
"Storms I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. But you have got to give us a chance with your life again. I know we probably don't deserve it, but we love you." She looked up, tears still streaming down her red face. She grabbed him by the waist and held on tight, burying her face in his light blue sweater.
"I am so scared; I don't want to get hurt! And I know I will." She sobbed against him.
"Storms everyone gets hurt at some point in life. We all make mistakes, but it's how we handle ourselves after that counts. We are always here for you, no matter what. It don't matter if I am away on my honey-moon. If you need me, I will be there for you." She tilted her head up to look at her brother.
"I need you Bradian. I need you and Brite and Mel and Ginny. I need all of you. I don't want to be hurt again." She buried her face back into his sweater.
He picked up the small shaking form and sat on the bed with her in his lap.
"Storms, why are you pushing Draco away?" he asked in a whisper.
"Because, what if I can't give him what he wants? What if he wants a repeat of that night and I can't give it to him? What then?" she asked, looking up at him. He sighed.
"If he really likes you Storms, that wont matter. But no matter what you decide, he has a right to know why. Why you won't talk to him, or why you can't sleep with him. He has a right to know. Whether you like it or not, he likes you and if he asks me one more time where my little sister is, I am going to break his nose."
She let out a small giggle before speaking again. "But what if I am not ready to tell him yet?" she asked.
"You are Storms, you know you are. And you know you have feelings for him. That's what scares you. But you have to give him a chance. And please, Storms, no more highs ok?"
She stiffened at the last part. "I. I don't know if I can promise the last part, but I will try, I promise."
***~~~***~~~*
That's it folks. Well review.
Kisses
Stormie reached for her bag that she always had with her. Her hands were shaking, and tears were rolling down her cold numb face. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there in the snow remembering the first time, but she needed her meds. She was supposed to be off of them over the summer, but when it's so easy to get your hands on the small pills, you just can't keep away. She fished through her bag until she found what she was looking for. She pulled a small orangey see through bottle out of her bag. She pushed down and twisted, the muggle safety cap rolled away from her in the snow. She dumped a few of the little footballs into her hand. She popped them in her mouth, the bitter taste filling her, letting her know she was alive.
She sighed a little while later when she felt her world start to slow down, she loved this feeling, and she would never, ever give it up. Ever. She slowly pulled herself up from the cold ground and began the trip back to the castle. She knew that no one could ever tell that she had taken her meds, well almost no one. Her cousin could, but she never said anything because she took a couple every now and than, but no where near as much as she took.
'Oh well, I need them more.' She thought. She had been taking more and more of the muggle meds ever since she had started at Hogwarts, she just couldn't stay calm, no matter what. She had tried to skip a day of the pills, but she had blown up at some little first year that knocked into her, it had stunned everyone. She always took at least ten of the little pills a day; they kept her calm and not sad. But best of all they put a little film over her mind. They made it so she could remember the pain, but not feel it. She loved the little pills.
She finally made it to the gates of the school. She took a deep breath, willing the pills to have a stronger effect. When she had first started taking them they had been stronger, so strong that one knocked her onto her ass and she slept for six hours. Now she was lucky if she couldn't feel anything with four of the little pills. She trudged through the snow.
She walked up the stairs and into the castle, and sighed deeply as the warmth washed over her. She needed to write to Justin Cusino, her source. She needed something stronger, X maybe? Oh well she would think later, now wasn't the best time to decide what would be better. She walked up to Gryffindor Tower. No one was there.
She sat alone in her dorm, chewing on the end of a quill, not sure of what to write. 'Maybe I should just ask him to send me something stronger?' she thought to herself. 'No, I will ask for Ecstasy and maybe some sleeping pills. I want some weed too.' She thought to herself. She had tried Ecstasy one and she liked the happiness the trips gave her. Of course, Justin had been there to baby-sit at the time. 'Oh well, I am a big girl, I can baby- sit myself.' With that thought she began her letter.
Cuz, Hey it's Red. I need something better, maybe some Ecstasy? And I need some sleepers too. Been having a fucked up time up here all by my lonely, sleep don't come easy. Oh and before I forget send some weed too. Red.
Stormie looked the note over. Satisfied, she went looking for Hunter. She found the beautiful owl in the owlery. She tied the letter to his leg and told him where to go. She watched as he flew out of the window, growing smaller with each flap of his mighty wings.
'I wish I was that free.' She thought to herself. She couldn't even pull off a good Tiger right now; well she could because the pills weren't working too hot. Only two things could stop her from transforming, one: being stoned, two: having suffered some sort of shock or been mentally hurt. That's why the rapes had happened, she couldn't transform. She was both shocked and hurt. It hurt to know that someone she had trusted had abused her trust. 'Damn, I am NOT supposed to remember that when I take the meds.' She thought angrily. She stalked back to the dorm. She pulled the hangings on her bed shut and lay there, until finally, sleep overtook her.
Two days passed with no reply from Justin. She buried herself in her potions work. She was missing the key ingredient, though and couldn't figure out what it was. She wracked her brain till 12 in the mourning, but still she was missing an ingredient.
"Shit!" she said as she slammed the large book shut. She glanced at her watch. 12:30. she sighed, not sure what she wanted to do. Tired of reading and feeling the need to stretch, she stood up from the chair and stuffed all her junk into her bag. She silently walked down to the great hall. With a swoosh of her wand, the tables disappeared. She than began to hum softly to herself as she started doing the complicated warm ups.
Once she had all her kinks worked out she began the dance that had made her give up Ballet. She twirled and twisted. Jumped and floated, sad silent tears streaked her face, sticking to her lashes, blurring her vision. She went into one of the more complicated moves. She spun so fast her world got blurry. She landed with a thud on the cold, hard, stone floor. She lay there, un-moving while letting the bitter tears streak her face.
Draco sat in a corner, doing some work that he had been assigned over the holidays, he watched the small red head do some stretches, and than start out a beautiful dance. He could hear her humming. She spun around and leaped, her reddish hair fanning around her, making her look like an angel out there for his own amusement. Than she fell, he wanted to go help her up, to hold her, to kiss away the hurt, but he didn't move. She had been avoiding him, refusing help on the Potions project, turning and walking the other way when she saw him coming.
He watched as she pulled herself up. A small sad smile playing on her face. He heard her whisper right after she restored the room.
"Well, he taught me to fall the right way." A small sad laugh followed the amusing words. And just as suddenly as she had come and lit up his world with her beautiful dance, she left. Unknowingly leaving a very confused Draco. Two thoughts played in his mind as he made his way back to his dorm. Why was she trying to push him away, and who had taught her to fall?
Stormie awoke to Hunter nibbling at her. She let out a nervous laugh. And than she saw it. A letter and a package. She quickly read the letter.
Hey Red. I was begging to wonder what you were up to. So the other pills ain't making you fly no more? Oh well, just like you always say, no worries, I got your back. In the box is the weed you wanted, some sleepers, some X, and I would like to introduce you to Coke and Crystal. You owe me big for this by, the way. But this time it's free, not like you can't afford it. Find someone to baby-sit you when you roll, I don't want nothin'' to happen to my little Red.
Now for how to use Coke, you cut it and snort. You have done it before when you snorted those Yellow Jackets over the summer.
Crystal, you have to dump a little onto the foil, apply heat to under the foil and inhale through a straw or empty pen, or what ever you snort with will work.
Hope you get your wings back with this shit.
Cuz
Stormie followed the directions and chopped the Coke into lines on a mirror. She then snorted the white powder through a marker tube. She saw stars. She felt the familiar high take her over. She sighed a sigh of tranquility and fell back against her pillows.
The door opened and in walked Bradian. "What's up?" he asked.
"You're ruining my high." She said as she lazily traced her bedspread.
"I thought you stopped that shit? If Brite finds out he'll hunt Justin down and do an unforgivable on him." Bradian warned his sister. They were all well acquainted with Justin, who they also know as Cuz. Brite and Bradian had jumped the boy once for pushing at their sister.
"Oh. Well." She said before she burst out in a small fit of giggles. Bradian frowned.
"You know Draco says you have been avoiding him." He pointed out; he decided if she got any worse he would have to tell Brite.
"So?" she asked, still tracing her fingers along the bedspread.
"What? Aren't I allowed to know why you're avoiding the poor dude?" he asked.
She let out a sigh and turned to face him. "It's because I'm fucked up. And I don't mean by the drugs and shit, but here in my head. I know I could never love him, you know, Brite knows. But he don't. I don't want to hurt him, Bradian. He's too sweet. Sure, we fucked, or shagged, or whatever you want to call it. But I needed the physical contact. I needed to know I was alive that night, I needed a release. He was there. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew that I would find some way to hurt him, and I don't want to." She looked sad after her speech. He had let her talk and talk. Of course he had no idea about "that night" but that didn't matter.
He looked at the sister that they had protected for so long, but when something had happened that they should have stopped, they hadn't noticed. They had failed her; they had made her lose her trust. But they were more observant of her now. He knew that Brite would be able to tell she was high, but he had heard something, something other than that they had ruined her love life. He had heard her caring about someone. Something she hadn't done in a while.
Sure, she would fight for Mel, him and Bradian, and now Gin in a New York minute, but that was as far as her priorities went. She didn't care when she was using someone, and she did not feel guilt. She had been unable to feel that emotion since it was blocked off last year and all she could feel guilty about was what had happened to her. But she had just admitted she had felt guilty about what she did to Draco. The boy had gotten to her and now she was trying to push him away.
"Storms, look, he's not gonna go anywhere, you know that, right? He will still be your Potions partner; he will still be in two of your classes. He isn't just gonna up and disappear because you're afraid of what you feel." He waited for his sister to reply.
"I don't wanna talk about it." She said after a couple of minutes. 'Fuck, he's ruining my high!' she thought angrily.
"STORMS! I AM NOT MEL OR GIN! I AM NOT JUST GONNA NOD AND LEAVE YOU TO O.D.! I AM YOUR BROTHER! I DO CARE! BRITE CARES! WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU!" Before he could go on Stormie yelled back at him, tears streaking her face.
"WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU A YEAR AGO? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I HAD TO GO TO THAT CLASS EVERYDAY, REGARDLESS OF WHAT I FELT, OR WHAT WAS GOING ON? YOU KNOW WHO WAS THERE FOR ME? NO FUCKING BODY! I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERYNIGHT! I DIDN'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS, AND THE ONES I DID HAVE GOT PUSHED AWAY WHEN THAT SHIT STARTED! WHERE WERE YOU THEN? WHY DIDN'T YOU NOTICE I WAS ALONE, BY MYSELF? THAT MY SKIN WAS ALWAYS RED AND BURNT BECAUSE EVRY TIME HE TOUCHED ME, EVEN IN CLASS IF IT WAS A PAT ON THE BACK, I SCRUBBED MYSELF RAW BECAUSE I FELT DIRTY! WHERE WERE YOU TWO THEN?" she was shaking with self-pity and anger. Tears dripped down her face, but she made no move to stop them.
"I GET IT STORMS, WE FUCKED UP! WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU, BUT IT'S NOT OUR FAULT, WE HAD NO CLUE WHAT WAS GOING ON! AND WHEN EVER WE DID TRY TO TALK TO YOU, YOU PUSHED US AWAY!" he looked at her trembling form. She was so small.
"Storms I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. But you have got to give us a chance with your life again. I know we probably don't deserve it, but we love you." She looked up, tears still streaming down her red face. She grabbed him by the waist and held on tight, burying her face in his light blue sweater.
"I am so scared; I don't want to get hurt! And I know I will." She sobbed against him.
"Storms everyone gets hurt at some point in life. We all make mistakes, but it's how we handle ourselves after that counts. We are always here for you, no matter what. It don't matter if I am away on my honey-moon. If you need me, I will be there for you." She tilted her head up to look at her brother.
"I need you Bradian. I need you and Brite and Mel and Ginny. I need all of you. I don't want to be hurt again." She buried her face back into his sweater.
He picked up the small shaking form and sat on the bed with her in his lap.
"Storms, why are you pushing Draco away?" he asked in a whisper.
"Because, what if I can't give him what he wants? What if he wants a repeat of that night and I can't give it to him? What then?" she asked, looking up at him. He sighed.
"If he really likes you Storms, that wont matter. But no matter what you decide, he has a right to know why. Why you won't talk to him, or why you can't sleep with him. He has a right to know. Whether you like it or not, he likes you and if he asks me one more time where my little sister is, I am going to break his nose."
She let out a small giggle before speaking again. "But what if I am not ready to tell him yet?" she asked.
"You are Storms, you know you are. And you know you have feelings for him. That's what scares you. But you have to give him a chance. And please, Storms, no more highs ok?"
She stiffened at the last part. "I. I don't know if I can promise the last part, but I will try, I promise."
***~~~***~~~*
That's it folks. Well review.