Buffy and the girl both looked up at Xanders startled oath.
"Hey Xand" Buffy said absently and stood. She looked over at the girl who
remained seated on the grass.
"You can stand" She said and the girl scrambled to her feet; keeping her
gaze on the ground. Xander just stared at her his mouth gaping in
surprised shock.
"Like what you see?" Buffy said smiling mildly. She squinted at the girl
thoughtfully "well" she decided "Looks like I did one hell of a job."
What was common place about her before had turned to brilliance. Her hair was full and black as night. It flowed over her shoulders in an ebony wave save for the same two bits of hair on either side of her face witch blazed white. Her eyes were luminous and dark green framed by delicately sooted lashes. Her mouth puckered slightly and was red as blood. Her skin was no longer transparent but creamily white, peachy almost. Neither mole nor freckle could be seen and Xander had never in his life beheld anyone so beautiful.
"Who..Where..Um Hi" He stammered clumsily. The girl never raised her head and Buffy laughed. "You might want to close your mouth there, you could you know drool or something." Xander snapped it shut and continued to stare. "It's ok" Buffy said. "Please don't' look at the ground... "Buffy turned "you can look anywhere you want... always. Don't expect me to govern your every move because I can't. I won't." The girl slowly raised her head and met Xanders gaze. She smiled. "Hello" She said softly Xander nodded to her slightly "Again Hi, I'm Xander. Sorry to be so abrupt but we've been looking for Buffy we were kind of worried." Buffy looked around and spotted Spike making his way to where they all stood. "You were worried about me? That's kind of sweet!" Spike grinned "Well after waiting for a few hours and not having anyone to talk to but a set of handcuffs I figured...Hello... what have we here?" He squeezed Buffy's hand when he reached her and cocked his head to the side. "I don't think I've seen you around before." The girl opened her mouth to speak but then narrowed her eyes. She inhaled with a Hiss "You!" Her voice was deadly quiet "Why does he touch you? Do you allow him to pollute your flesh? He is a killer a fiend whom one would gladly turn to dust" She raised her hand and Buffy suddenly remembered what she had heard before the vampires disappeared. "Dust" "No!" She cried forcing the girls hand to her side. "Do you hear me? No!" The girl shook her head. "One does not understand. This one is evil. He pushed one back to sleep... he drank of her blood and one returned to mist... one shall protect you as she could not her. He shall not have your blood!" Buffy shook her "No! You said you would do my bidding...follow my orders and I ORDER you to stop!" The girl's shoulders slumped. "And while we're at it what's with the "one" act? I thought we established your talking in first person." "...I...I am sorry...Buffy." she wrung her hands. "So... why do you have a great big yen to dust my boyfriend?" The girl glided up to spike and regarded him intently. "You do not remember me" she stated with finality Spike raised an eyebrow. "Sorry luv, can't say that I do. Great beauty...big scary powers? I'm thinking I'd remember that." "It was long ago... in a different land" Her eyes became distant and she groped for the right words. "China...I was protecting the family of a girl." She gestured to Buffy "Like you she was a guardian of humanity." She turned back to spike "You fought, you won and drank deep of her blood. As her life flowed from her veins into you I was returned to sleep only to be brought forth on this night." Buffy inhaled sharply and realization dawned on Spike. "The first slayer I killed..." "Yes. You returned me to a mist I hate..." She stepped closer. "Be grateful you are in the Slayers graces or you would cease to be." Spike stood his ground eyes dangerous. "Good thing then" A cold wind swept down from the trees and the girl shivered. Buffy looked at the sky. "It's really late... I think it's time we headed back." Xander took off his Jacket and settled it on the girl's shoulders. "Is that better?" She looked up at him with a small smile. "Yes, many thanks." Spike scratched his head thoughtfully and Xander looked around not knowing what to say next. "Let's go then"
Willow and Dawn were still up when they arrived at the house. After exclamations of relief at Buffy's not being hurt and wonderment at the girl they were able to get inside. Buffy shrugged off her coat and the girl handed Xanders back to him and took a tentative step into the hallway. As she did she caught her reflection in the mirror and stopped short. "Who is that?" She asked and Buffy grinned. "That would be you" The girls eyes widened and she stepped closer, studying herself. "Me...? But...But..." her voice trailed off as she gazed at her self and then she held up her hands "No claws" she muttered and turned around glancing over her shoulder. "No hump..." She put her hands up to her face and looked at Buffy questioningly. "Why?" Buffy smiled at her. "Why should you be all ugly and deformed? I remember you from my dreams and it didn't seem fair." The girl stepped close to Buffy. "But one...er...I...look like...like you, like an equal" She seemed overwhelemed by the enormity of it all and for a time she didn't speak. Then without warning she flung her arms around Buffy in a fierce hug. "Oh thank you THANK YOU! I...I..." "Ok...that's...good...hey needing to breath here" Buffy gasped and the girl hastily stepped back eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry I'm sorry" "it's ok" Buffy breathed deep and pointed to the living room. "Let's sit down ok?" The girl nodded and followed Buffy and after a moment's hesitation sat gingerly on the edge of the sofa. Spike, Xander, Willow and Dawn sat in rapt attention as she retold the story of her origin. Buffy filled in the gaps she could not and they all were stunned. "So you live to serve? That sounds like a sucky life." The girl smiled. "Suck? I do not understand. My existence is... well it just is." She turned to willow who was gazing at her with a slightly worried expression on her face. "You do not trust me" Willow shook her head. "It's not that, I don't' know you enough to trust you it's just..." "You feel my power" "Yes" "As I feel yours. It radiates from you ... such a pure energy." Willow frowned. "Not always pure I'm afraid." "Yes... there have been times when it has been deep black." "Yes." "You have much to offer this world and as you have done evil, so have you done good. Much much more good; it has purged the blackness within you. You have a great potential for that which is right and your actions will help shape this existence." Willow blinked. "You know the future?" and the girl smiled again. "No one can no the future. I merely can see into a person's heart. It is the canvas of the soul and yours is alive with light and beauty." Willow arched an eyebrow but said nothing. Dawn was looking at her in awe and spike cleared his throat. "Lovely as this palm reading is, it will be light in a few hours and I know some of us have school and work type things to rest up for." The girls jaw set and eyes glinted but she said nothing. It was Xander who finally spoke. "Much as I hate to agree with anything you say, you're not wrong. I've got a big project meeting so I had better get going. He stood and held out his hand to the girl. "If what you say is correct that welcome to Sunnydale...um...I'm sorry I dont' think I caught your name." "I do not have one." "Well what where you called before?
The girl's cheeks reddened slightly. "You there" Buffy sighed. "I have to think of a name for you too?" Dawn stood. "Can I name her? Please Please?" "She's not a dog Dawn." "I know but I thought of a really good one. Let's call her Hope." The girl chewed her lip. "Hope....." then she smiled brightly. "Hope!" "Well" Xander said "Nice to meet you....Hope."
"I'm glad Buffy said you could sleep in here until we figure out where to make you a room." Dawn said softly burrowing deeper into the covers. Hope sat at the window looking out into the yard. The moonlight palled her skin further and dawn thought she looked magical, otherworldly, almost ethereal.
"Aren't you going to lie down?" "I do not wish to sleep. I have slept for many years. I am not tired. But you sleep. You must go to...um..." "School?" "Yes that is it. School" Dawn was quiet for a time just watching Hope. Their was something about her, Dawn had noticed it the first moment she laid eyes on her in the doorway. An innocent. Dawn knew that she was old, older then anything she had ever encountered; but in many ways she was still a child and for the first time in her life Dawn felt instinctively that it was going to be her job to show her how the world worked. Dawn thought it over and decided that might be fun, like having a little sister. "Hope?" "You should be asleep" "I'm not tired." Hope looked over at her. "Yes you are. I feel it." "Ok so maybe I am...but I was wondering..." "Yes?" "You told Willow something about herself tonight. I was wondering if you could do the same for me." Hope rose from the window sill and came to sit on the edge of Dawns bed. "You often wonder why you are still here." She began and Dawn nodded. "You feel you have no place among the living, because you are not entirely human." "I am not human at all... I'm the key...or at least I was the key. Now I'm nothing." "You may not have started out as human, but you are human." She grinned to herself. "I know something of this. When I am in the other place, sleeping... I do not have form. I am energy. Purple energy. But when I enter this world I become human. I may not start out that way, but I am that way now. I feel the human feelings and have its complexities. Just because you didn't start out human, doesn't make you any less a human now that you are one." She tucked her foot under her as she spoke. "You are very important. You may not think so, but you are. If not for you, I would not be here." "Yeay right. You're here to protect the people Buffy cares for that's not just me. You help her help the world." "Buffy does not care for the world; at least not in the way you think. Her only goal in being the slayer is maintaining the world so YOU can exist in it. You give her purpose. Without you, she would not exist. When it comes down to it the entire slayer line was created not just to protect the world but specifically to protect YOU. The fates knew you would be turned human. It is why you were created in the first place. You and Buffy are symbiotic. You could not exist without her; she could not exist without you. Take heed and do not think low of yourself. You are more important then you will ever realize." Dawns eyes widened. "Really?" "Of course. I do not lie." "Wow... I never thought..." "You were special?" "Yea." "Well you are. Never forget that." She rubbed the back of her neck absently. "Now you... go to sleep." Dawn gave up with a sigh and laid her head back on her pillow. "Ok... good night hope." "Good night." Dawn smiled into the night. She liked Hope already.
"Not very sneaky are you?" Spike was leaning against the kitchen wall when Hope entered. She didn't so much as flinch; she was clearly not surprised to see him. "I can sense the presence of others, there is no need to...sneak." Hope looked around the kitchen helplessly. Spike shook his head and opened the cupboard. "Now this place has running water, you know how to use that right?" He said handing her a glass. She took it dubiously and turned it over in her hands. "Yes. I do know some things about the world." She said quietly and turned on the faucet. "Why do you linger?" "Not that it's any of your never mind but I was helping Buffy get to sleep is all. I was on my way out when I heard you on the stair." Hope took a long drink of water and gave a happy little sigh. "This tastes good. It has been a very long time." She set the cup in the sink and turned to Spike. "I do not understand." "What's that pet?" "Why she... why she allows you to be near. You are evil. You kill. You are the opposite of everything a slayer stands for. Why is she with you?" An angry retort leapt to spikes lips but died there un uttered when he saw her face. Hope wasn't trying to be spiteful or mean, she honestly didn't understand. "People change." "You are not a person. You are a demon and they do not change much." "Some do. I'm not the same guy I was when last you saw me. I have a soul." "I know" "You know?" "I can see it. But having a soul does not wash away the stains from your essence. It can not wipe a way the blood witch permeates from your being remnance of those whom you killed." "Maybe not but I'm trying. I do good now. I do it for her." "I do not trust you.
"The feeling is mutual." Hope started at that. "Why? Spike took a few steps closer until he was but inches from her face. He looked her over and inhaled as if sniffing her scent. "I remember you" He growled in her ear. "When I killed that first slayer. I remember you. Tell me luv... if you're so big with the protecting, how come she died?" He smiled slowly. "Near as I can figure it, you let her...didn't you?" Hopes lips trembled with emotion but she did not speak. "So with that kind of track record I'm not to keen on you popping up into Buffy's life. I care about her more then you know and I don't want her sharing that fate." He looked out the window at the graying world outside. "Suns rising." He turned and started for the back door. "You are right. I let her die." A tear glistened in the corner of her eye. "I could not protect her. She would not let me." Spike looked her over skeptically. "Why's that?" "I MUST do as I am told" Hope's voice was thick with Anger and Hurt. "I can not interfere with fate. I protect the loved ones of the one who wakes me, but I can not protect them. Not without expressed permission. That is why my life is bound to theirs. If I could protect them they would never die and the balance in this existence would be altered. I have rules. I must follow them." She sniffled. "No matter how it hurts." She looked coolly at spike. "Do you think I like to go back to my world? Their is NOTHING but mist. No form, now words... no life... just exsistance. I do not EVER want to return to that. But I can not change what is meant to be!" Her voice trailed off for a moment and then she straitened her shoulders. "I do not care what you think Evil one. I have my eye on you. Never forget that. I am waiting for the chance to return you to dust." With that she spun around and stormed upstairs leaving a slightly startled Spike in kitchen. He shook his head and headed out the door. She had balls; he had to give her that.
Hope sat once more at the window sill and watched Spike's leather clad back retreat into the distance. She was confused by him. She closed her eyes and heard a voice in her head, a voice from long ago and far away. "Say good-bye to my mother." She saw it again in her mind, the room filed with smoke and lamplight. The slayer dangling nearly lifeless in Spike's arms. She remembered again his slow smile as he spoke. "Sorry Bitch, I don't speak Chinese." and how he'd tossed her aside....and yet he WAS changed. She could feel it. His affection for Buffy was plain. She felt the pain in him; heard the hollow voices of his victims teaming within his blood. He WAS attempting to atone and still....she could not forget what had come before. Would she have to forgive to protect? She didn't know. She sighed and watched the first golden rays of sunlight illuminated the world around her, a world she was once again a part of and she heard herself repeating Xanders words.
"What the hell..."
What was common place about her before had turned to brilliance. Her hair was full and black as night. It flowed over her shoulders in an ebony wave save for the same two bits of hair on either side of her face witch blazed white. Her eyes were luminous and dark green framed by delicately sooted lashes. Her mouth puckered slightly and was red as blood. Her skin was no longer transparent but creamily white, peachy almost. Neither mole nor freckle could be seen and Xander had never in his life beheld anyone so beautiful.
"Who..Where..Um Hi" He stammered clumsily. The girl never raised her head and Buffy laughed. "You might want to close your mouth there, you could you know drool or something." Xander snapped it shut and continued to stare. "It's ok" Buffy said. "Please don't' look at the ground... "Buffy turned "you can look anywhere you want... always. Don't expect me to govern your every move because I can't. I won't." The girl slowly raised her head and met Xanders gaze. She smiled. "Hello" She said softly Xander nodded to her slightly "Again Hi, I'm Xander. Sorry to be so abrupt but we've been looking for Buffy we were kind of worried." Buffy looked around and spotted Spike making his way to where they all stood. "You were worried about me? That's kind of sweet!" Spike grinned "Well after waiting for a few hours and not having anyone to talk to but a set of handcuffs I figured...Hello... what have we here?" He squeezed Buffy's hand when he reached her and cocked his head to the side. "I don't think I've seen you around before." The girl opened her mouth to speak but then narrowed her eyes. She inhaled with a Hiss "You!" Her voice was deadly quiet "Why does he touch you? Do you allow him to pollute your flesh? He is a killer a fiend whom one would gladly turn to dust" She raised her hand and Buffy suddenly remembered what she had heard before the vampires disappeared. "Dust" "No!" She cried forcing the girls hand to her side. "Do you hear me? No!" The girl shook her head. "One does not understand. This one is evil. He pushed one back to sleep... he drank of her blood and one returned to mist... one shall protect you as she could not her. He shall not have your blood!" Buffy shook her "No! You said you would do my bidding...follow my orders and I ORDER you to stop!" The girl's shoulders slumped. "And while we're at it what's with the "one" act? I thought we established your talking in first person." "...I...I am sorry...Buffy." she wrung her hands. "So... why do you have a great big yen to dust my boyfriend?" The girl glided up to spike and regarded him intently. "You do not remember me" she stated with finality Spike raised an eyebrow. "Sorry luv, can't say that I do. Great beauty...big scary powers? I'm thinking I'd remember that." "It was long ago... in a different land" Her eyes became distant and she groped for the right words. "China...I was protecting the family of a girl." She gestured to Buffy "Like you she was a guardian of humanity." She turned back to spike "You fought, you won and drank deep of her blood. As her life flowed from her veins into you I was returned to sleep only to be brought forth on this night." Buffy inhaled sharply and realization dawned on Spike. "The first slayer I killed..." "Yes. You returned me to a mist I hate..." She stepped closer. "Be grateful you are in the Slayers graces or you would cease to be." Spike stood his ground eyes dangerous. "Good thing then" A cold wind swept down from the trees and the girl shivered. Buffy looked at the sky. "It's really late... I think it's time we headed back." Xander took off his Jacket and settled it on the girl's shoulders. "Is that better?" She looked up at him with a small smile. "Yes, many thanks." Spike scratched his head thoughtfully and Xander looked around not knowing what to say next. "Let's go then"
Willow and Dawn were still up when they arrived at the house. After exclamations of relief at Buffy's not being hurt and wonderment at the girl they were able to get inside. Buffy shrugged off her coat and the girl handed Xanders back to him and took a tentative step into the hallway. As she did she caught her reflection in the mirror and stopped short. "Who is that?" She asked and Buffy grinned. "That would be you" The girls eyes widened and she stepped closer, studying herself. "Me...? But...But..." her voice trailed off as she gazed at her self and then she held up her hands "No claws" she muttered and turned around glancing over her shoulder. "No hump..." She put her hands up to her face and looked at Buffy questioningly. "Why?" Buffy smiled at her. "Why should you be all ugly and deformed? I remember you from my dreams and it didn't seem fair." The girl stepped close to Buffy. "But one...er...I...look like...like you, like an equal" She seemed overwhelemed by the enormity of it all and for a time she didn't speak. Then without warning she flung her arms around Buffy in a fierce hug. "Oh thank you THANK YOU! I...I..." "Ok...that's...good...hey needing to breath here" Buffy gasped and the girl hastily stepped back eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry I'm sorry" "it's ok" Buffy breathed deep and pointed to the living room. "Let's sit down ok?" The girl nodded and followed Buffy and after a moment's hesitation sat gingerly on the edge of the sofa. Spike, Xander, Willow and Dawn sat in rapt attention as she retold the story of her origin. Buffy filled in the gaps she could not and they all were stunned. "So you live to serve? That sounds like a sucky life." The girl smiled. "Suck? I do not understand. My existence is... well it just is." She turned to willow who was gazing at her with a slightly worried expression on her face. "You do not trust me" Willow shook her head. "It's not that, I don't' know you enough to trust you it's just..." "You feel my power" "Yes" "As I feel yours. It radiates from you ... such a pure energy." Willow frowned. "Not always pure I'm afraid." "Yes... there have been times when it has been deep black." "Yes." "You have much to offer this world and as you have done evil, so have you done good. Much much more good; it has purged the blackness within you. You have a great potential for that which is right and your actions will help shape this existence." Willow blinked. "You know the future?" and the girl smiled again. "No one can no the future. I merely can see into a person's heart. It is the canvas of the soul and yours is alive with light and beauty." Willow arched an eyebrow but said nothing. Dawn was looking at her in awe and spike cleared his throat. "Lovely as this palm reading is, it will be light in a few hours and I know some of us have school and work type things to rest up for." The girls jaw set and eyes glinted but she said nothing. It was Xander who finally spoke. "Much as I hate to agree with anything you say, you're not wrong. I've got a big project meeting so I had better get going. He stood and held out his hand to the girl. "If what you say is correct that welcome to Sunnydale...um...I'm sorry I dont' think I caught your name." "I do not have one." "Well what where you called before?
The girl's cheeks reddened slightly. "You there" Buffy sighed. "I have to think of a name for you too?" Dawn stood. "Can I name her? Please Please?" "She's not a dog Dawn." "I know but I thought of a really good one. Let's call her Hope." The girl chewed her lip. "Hope....." then she smiled brightly. "Hope!" "Well" Xander said "Nice to meet you....Hope."
"I'm glad Buffy said you could sleep in here until we figure out where to make you a room." Dawn said softly burrowing deeper into the covers. Hope sat at the window looking out into the yard. The moonlight palled her skin further and dawn thought she looked magical, otherworldly, almost ethereal.
"Aren't you going to lie down?" "I do not wish to sleep. I have slept for many years. I am not tired. But you sleep. You must go to...um..." "School?" "Yes that is it. School" Dawn was quiet for a time just watching Hope. Their was something about her, Dawn had noticed it the first moment she laid eyes on her in the doorway. An innocent. Dawn knew that she was old, older then anything she had ever encountered; but in many ways she was still a child and for the first time in her life Dawn felt instinctively that it was going to be her job to show her how the world worked. Dawn thought it over and decided that might be fun, like having a little sister. "Hope?" "You should be asleep" "I'm not tired." Hope looked over at her. "Yes you are. I feel it." "Ok so maybe I am...but I was wondering..." "Yes?" "You told Willow something about herself tonight. I was wondering if you could do the same for me." Hope rose from the window sill and came to sit on the edge of Dawns bed. "You often wonder why you are still here." She began and Dawn nodded. "You feel you have no place among the living, because you are not entirely human." "I am not human at all... I'm the key...or at least I was the key. Now I'm nothing." "You may not have started out as human, but you are human." She grinned to herself. "I know something of this. When I am in the other place, sleeping... I do not have form. I am energy. Purple energy. But when I enter this world I become human. I may not start out that way, but I am that way now. I feel the human feelings and have its complexities. Just because you didn't start out human, doesn't make you any less a human now that you are one." She tucked her foot under her as she spoke. "You are very important. You may not think so, but you are. If not for you, I would not be here." "Yeay right. You're here to protect the people Buffy cares for that's not just me. You help her help the world." "Buffy does not care for the world; at least not in the way you think. Her only goal in being the slayer is maintaining the world so YOU can exist in it. You give her purpose. Without you, she would not exist. When it comes down to it the entire slayer line was created not just to protect the world but specifically to protect YOU. The fates knew you would be turned human. It is why you were created in the first place. You and Buffy are symbiotic. You could not exist without her; she could not exist without you. Take heed and do not think low of yourself. You are more important then you will ever realize." Dawns eyes widened. "Really?" "Of course. I do not lie." "Wow... I never thought..." "You were special?" "Yea." "Well you are. Never forget that." She rubbed the back of her neck absently. "Now you... go to sleep." Dawn gave up with a sigh and laid her head back on her pillow. "Ok... good night hope." "Good night." Dawn smiled into the night. She liked Hope already.
"Not very sneaky are you?" Spike was leaning against the kitchen wall when Hope entered. She didn't so much as flinch; she was clearly not surprised to see him. "I can sense the presence of others, there is no need to...sneak." Hope looked around the kitchen helplessly. Spike shook his head and opened the cupboard. "Now this place has running water, you know how to use that right?" He said handing her a glass. She took it dubiously and turned it over in her hands. "Yes. I do know some things about the world." She said quietly and turned on the faucet. "Why do you linger?" "Not that it's any of your never mind but I was helping Buffy get to sleep is all. I was on my way out when I heard you on the stair." Hope took a long drink of water and gave a happy little sigh. "This tastes good. It has been a very long time." She set the cup in the sink and turned to Spike. "I do not understand." "What's that pet?" "Why she... why she allows you to be near. You are evil. You kill. You are the opposite of everything a slayer stands for. Why is she with you?" An angry retort leapt to spikes lips but died there un uttered when he saw her face. Hope wasn't trying to be spiteful or mean, she honestly didn't understand. "People change." "You are not a person. You are a demon and they do not change much." "Some do. I'm not the same guy I was when last you saw me. I have a soul." "I know" "You know?" "I can see it. But having a soul does not wash away the stains from your essence. It can not wipe a way the blood witch permeates from your being remnance of those whom you killed." "Maybe not but I'm trying. I do good now. I do it for her." "I do not trust you.
"The feeling is mutual." Hope started at that. "Why? Spike took a few steps closer until he was but inches from her face. He looked her over and inhaled as if sniffing her scent. "I remember you" He growled in her ear. "When I killed that first slayer. I remember you. Tell me luv... if you're so big with the protecting, how come she died?" He smiled slowly. "Near as I can figure it, you let her...didn't you?" Hopes lips trembled with emotion but she did not speak. "So with that kind of track record I'm not to keen on you popping up into Buffy's life. I care about her more then you know and I don't want her sharing that fate." He looked out the window at the graying world outside. "Suns rising." He turned and started for the back door. "You are right. I let her die." A tear glistened in the corner of her eye. "I could not protect her. She would not let me." Spike looked her over skeptically. "Why's that?" "I MUST do as I am told" Hope's voice was thick with Anger and Hurt. "I can not interfere with fate. I protect the loved ones of the one who wakes me, but I can not protect them. Not without expressed permission. That is why my life is bound to theirs. If I could protect them they would never die and the balance in this existence would be altered. I have rules. I must follow them." She sniffled. "No matter how it hurts." She looked coolly at spike. "Do you think I like to go back to my world? Their is NOTHING but mist. No form, now words... no life... just exsistance. I do not EVER want to return to that. But I can not change what is meant to be!" Her voice trailed off for a moment and then she straitened her shoulders. "I do not care what you think Evil one. I have my eye on you. Never forget that. I am waiting for the chance to return you to dust." With that she spun around and stormed upstairs leaving a slightly startled Spike in kitchen. He shook his head and headed out the door. She had balls; he had to give her that.
Hope sat once more at the window sill and watched Spike's leather clad back retreat into the distance. She was confused by him. She closed her eyes and heard a voice in her head, a voice from long ago and far away. "Say good-bye to my mother." She saw it again in her mind, the room filed with smoke and lamplight. The slayer dangling nearly lifeless in Spike's arms. She remembered again his slow smile as he spoke. "Sorry Bitch, I don't speak Chinese." and how he'd tossed her aside....and yet he WAS changed. She could feel it. His affection for Buffy was plain. She felt the pain in him; heard the hollow voices of his victims teaming within his blood. He WAS attempting to atone and still....she could not forget what had come before. Would she have to forgive to protect? She didn't know. She sighed and watched the first golden rays of sunlight illuminated the world around her, a world she was once again a part of and she heard herself repeating Xanders words.
"What the hell..."