Ch. 13:
Numbly, I returned to my apartment in Sector 7 and slowly opened the door. Alec and Bree were sitting at the kitchen table, sipping what smelled like hot chocolate.
"Hey guys," I greeted as I closed the door and took off my shoes. My unit members glanced up at me.
"Hey, Bobbie," said Bree, taking another deep sip from her coffee mug.
"Hey, Bobbie," said Alec. "How did your date go?"
I shrugged as I went over to my refrigerator and pulled out a box of cheesecake. "It went okay," I said, pulling out several plastic plates, knives and forks. Setting the cheesecake box in the middle of the table, I pulled up a chair, opened the box, and cut a piece. Alec and Bree each took a piece and ate. The three of us sat at my table, silently eating for what seemed like the longest time.
"What time is it?" I asked, wanting to break the silence.
"Midnight," Bree replied. "Why?"
"Nothing," I said, running a hand through my hair. "I just don't feel tired. I want to be tired right now."
"Bad date?" my sister asked sympathetically.
"Oh, yeah," I replied, with a shake of my head. "It was bad on a level yet to be defined."
"I'm sure things will work out," said Bree. "Alec's been telling me how much Peter loves you and how much you love him. It's nice." My sister smiled at me shyly. "You shouldn't be lonely." Sadness fell over her dark eyes.
"I'm probably going to be lonely for a good long while," I said. "I think Peter and I are going to break up."
"What happened?" Alec asked.
"Oh, the usual," I said with a sigh. "He was pissed because I was late, again and then I just found out he's leaving for Washington as in the capital to support that stupid anti-transgenic bill and then we got into this huge fight about transgenics and, God, I don't know how it happened, but I got so pissed at him, I almost punched him!"
"Wow," said Bree.
"Oh, yeah, wow," I said. "I'll probably call him and apologize, but I don't know. He was so hateful, guys, he didn't look like the guy I fell in love with."
"Maybe it is the guy you fell in love with and now you're seeing his true colors," said Alec. He looked at me pointedly.
I shook my head, "No. No way. That bigoted guy I was talking to tonight was in no way, shape or form, the guy I love. I do love him, Alec. Really, I do."
Alec held up his hands in resignation. "I believe you."
"Damn straight I love him," I muttered. "You know, I'm sure that this whole thing will blow over and it'll be okay. I'll call him tomorrow and we'll have a talk. You know, clear the air, get things said and before you know it, we'll be back on track."
"Right," said Alec.
"Right," said Bree.
"Right," I said. "Everything's going to be just fine."
"Nothing to worry about," said Alec putting the last bit of cheesecake into his mouth.
I looked at him. "Speaking of nothing to worry about, you called Max, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did. Angry?"
I shook my head. "No, I'm not. You have to admit it's been a long time coming. How was she?"
"She sounded okay. She hung up on me the minute she heard my voice, though."
"At least she's not punching you or anything. Finding out Logan's problem the way she did has got to freak her out a little."
"It did," Alec said.
"You meant what you said?" I asked as I got up to clear the table. Bree quickly rose up to help out. I smiled gratefully at her as she began to put the dirty plastic plates into the garbage pail and wash the knives and forks.
"About Logan?" Alec asked, looking at me somberly.
"Yeah."
"I meant it," Alec's voice was calm and cool. "I meant every goddamned word. He comes into TC after today, I'll hunt him down."
"The man needs help," I said, pushing my hair out of my eyes. I sat back down at the table. "He needs a rehab group that'll set him straight."
"I thought you didn't like Logan."
"I don't. That doesn't mean I want him to overdose on the blood. He's an addict. He needs to face up to the root of his addiction."
"Thank you, Oprah," Alec gave me a little smile. I smiled back. Then we looked at my clock again and sighed. As Bree dried the plates and put them back in the cupboards, Alec asked, almost casually, "So, Bree, you okay?"
Bree paused for a moment after putting the last plate in the cupboard before turning to face us. She fidgeted before answering, "I'm fine, Alec. I told you that. You're almost as bad as Jeremiah."
At that, Alec's eyes went wide and his skin turned an interesting shade of green. "Bree, don't say that. I could never be as bad as Jeremiah."
Bree gave Alec a wicked smile as she said, "Keep asking me if I'm all right all the time, you're going to be as bad as him."
Alec held up his hands in protest, "All right. All right. I'll lay off the questions. I just want to make sure if you're safe."
Bree bent her head as she replied, "I'm good."
Alec smiled back, "That's good."
"Alec?" Bree began, her voice hesitant and unsure, "Did Jeremiah ask you about that government job?"
"Yes, he did," Alec answered, his tone cautious. "Why?"
Bree shrugged as she shifted uneasily, "It's just that-before I left New York to, well, you know." Bree flushed as Alec nodded his head for her to continue. Bree's voice became stronger as she went on, "Well, he said that there's a position for me, even a job lined up if I join. He said it was the same for the rest of us." Bree looked back and forth between Alec and myself. I pressed my chin to the table and closed my eyes for a moment. Alec was tapping his fingers against the table, the drumming vibrations shaking it. Rubbing his chin, Alec replied, "Look, Bree, it's your choice if you want to join Jeremiah's stupid plan."
"I know," my sister interjected.
"Good," said Alec, pursing his lips, "I just think that you might want to settle down here in Seattle. You know, get a decent job, get an apartment, and maybe do something with your life. Being a soldier isn't your only option."
"It feels like it, sometimes," said Bree, leaning against the kitchen counter. "It feels like the whole world wants nothing more than for us to go back to being killers, mindless soldiers working for them."
"Yeah," I said, "The whole world wants us in this neat little box labeled "killer" just so they can be proven right that we're nothing more than that." I stared out the window. "God, I hate this world."
"Makes you wonder how it let us exist," said Alec, pursing his lips in thought. "I mean, the DNA that runs in your veins and mine isn't exactly normal. We're part cat, that means our closest relative is Simba the lion or even Sassy the housecat. It's freaky, that's what it is."
"But you have to admit it's fun," said Bree with a sly smile. We looked at her as she moved towards us. "Come on, Alec, Jeremiah's told me about your little stint as Monty Cora." Alec gave Bree a self-satisfied smirk, to which I groaned.
"Bree," I said, "Don't encourage him." Bree grinned at me as she sat down between Alec and myself. "Don't you guys think it's fun to have an ordinary, a big hairy guy who's like 300 pounds and you're a measly 178."
"Hey!" Alec interrupted, looking a little offended. "178 is not measly!" Bree and I rolled our eyes at him.
"Anyway," said Bree with a smile, "That 300 pound ordinary thinks you're easy pickings. He thinks he can beat you up and bring you home to dinner, but when you fight him, he's the one coming home for dinner in itty-bitty pieces." Alec cracked his knuckles and leaned back in his chair, heaving a self-satisfied sigh.
"That was fun wasn't it?"
"Of course, it's fun," said Bree. "We're faster. Stronger than the average human."
"And smarter," said Alec. "Can't forget that."
"Right," said Bree with a nod of her head. "So, it makes sense that the norms are afraid of us. We could probably take over them, easily."
"But we don't," I said looking at Alec and Bree. "It's not right. We have to fit into their world. No matter how uncomfortable, annoying or just plain hateful it is of anything different."
"Subtext becoming text, Bobbie," said Alec with a raised eyebrow. He leaned forward, "Come on. What really happened between you and Peter?"
"I told you," I replied. "We had a fight. He told me he was going to Washington, end of story." Alec looked skeptical and he looked down at the floor. He looked back up at me.
"Bobbie, you're damned lucky you aren't in Psych Obs right now," Alec looked at me with pointed eyes. "They would have definitely put you in the basement for serious re-indoctrination." I glanced down and realized that my right leg was bobbing up and down, a sure sign that I was nervous. I glared at Alec who only had an impassive look on his face.
"Look, Peter and I had a little argument," I began.
"How little?"
"Transgenic little."
Alec winced as he said, "Damn."
"Yeah," I replied, "It didn't help that his mother was a supreme bitch of the first order." I shook my head as I tried to rid myself of the images from the fight.
"Peter's mom is against transgenics?" Alec asked. "Why does that not surprise me?"
"You want to say "I told you so", Alec?" I asked, letting a twisted smile cross my lips. "Go ahead, you were right. Peter's a bigot against transgenics and so is his mother. I should do what you've been begging me to do for a year. I should break up with him." Alec still remained impassive.
Irritated, I pressed on, "You know, in the entire time he was railing against transgenics, I kept wondering why I didn't just say, "Hey Pete! Guess what? You're dating a freak!" That would have served him right."
"Why didn't you?" asked Alec, his hazel eyes soft with concern.
"I don't know," I rubbed my forehead in frustration. "It was like Bobbie the X5 left the building and in my place was Bobbie the homemaker, this doormat, who has no brain or spine of her own. God!" My stomach churned at what I said next. "I'm Max! Peter's Logan and I'm Max! Dear God! I'm a pathetic excuse for an X5 when I can't even sit up and say, "I'm X5 and I'm proud!" all because I want a "normal life"! God!" I slammed my head against the table and groaned aloud.
"Bobbie, I think you're being a little melodramatic," said Alec. I shook my head and stood up.
"It makes sense now," I said, while pacing back and forth. "The lying, the insistence on keeping my transgenic life separate from my "normal" life, it fits!" I sank back down in my chair. I felt my heart sink when I thought of Peter. "But I love Peter. He's a good man, just confused about transgenics."
"And you think you can help him see the light," said Alec. I turned to my brother, an earnest look on my face.
"I have to. If Peter can accept me, if he can truly accept me for who and what I am, then everything will be all right. I won't have to hide anymore and I'm tired of hiding, Alec." I leaned back in my chair with a sigh.
Alec nodded. "It wears you down. The hiding. The fear. That's why I don't hide. That's why if I look for a job, I just say I'm a transgenic, straight up."
"Even if the boss won't hire you?" asked Bree.
"Even if that happens," Alec's voice was hollow. "If they come for me, I'm fighting back. I won't let what happened to Biggs happen to me."
"Biggs?" Bree looked confused for a moment. "What's his designation?" Alec paused before answering, "X5-477." Understanding flooded Bree's face as she reached out to pat Alec on the back.
"Oh, god," she whispered, a small tear falling down her cheek. "He was.back at Manticore...he was."
"Yeah, he was," said Alec as he grasped Bree's hand.
Wiping her eyes fiercely, "How? I remember he did a job with you after you did that first deep cover mission. He was the only X5 at Manticore, other than us, who would pair up with you after that mission." At that, Alec blanched and grasped the table edge. His eyes suddenly took on a haunted appearance. I looked at him with curiosity. At the time of Alec's first deep-cover mission, I was in New York on my second deep cover operation. I had heard from the other female X5's during a heat lockdown that something went wrong with his first mission. What occurred on that mission, he never told me and I never got around to asking him.
Swallowing hard he answered, "Some guys got the jump on him and-lynched him. I took care of them." The look in Alec's eyes told us not to press any further.
The phone rang and Bree picked it up. Alec and I looked up at her as her face went pale and scared.
"Hi, Jeremiah," my sister said. "I'm okay. Alec and Bobbie found me. No, you don't have to come over. I think I'll be okay here." She paused to listen to Jeremiah. Bree's shoulder's sagged for a bit as Jeremiah's voice squawked over the phone. Alec's face slowly hardened and he started to get up, but I forced him to sit still.
"Jeremiah, please," she begged. "I'm not ready to go back to New York. Yes, I remember everything from Manticore. No, it's not that I want a norm life." Bree looked as though she was going to burst into tears when Alec stood up and grabbed the phone.
Pressing it to his ear, he said, "Hey, Jeremiah, quit bugging our sister, all right? She's had a rough night." He rolled his eyes as Jeremiah's voice shrieked over the phone. When our CO's voice stopped, Alec answered, "No, we're not going to let her out of our sight. Jeremiah, could you at least remove whatever rod it is you've got up your butt?"
"Alec," I warned. He frowned at me, but reluctantly changed his tone.
"Look, Jeremiah, Bree's fine. I'm fine and Bobbie's fine. She's going to stay over at Bobbie's place for the night and we'll go from there." Alec gripped the phone tightly as Jeremiah made his reply.
"Gee, Jer, feeling the love here," Alec looked bitter. "You don't trust me? That's news." I started to get up to stop the train-wreck of a phone conversation between my brothers, but Alec turned away from me.
"Yes, I know that you're the commanding officer," my brother said with gritted teeth. "We're not at Manticore anymore, but apparently that's besides the point." Jeremiah's voice went on, sounding harsh and cruel.
"Jeremiah," Alec said in a warning tone. "Don't. Please don't." He paused as Jeremiah's voice continued. He swallowed hard as he closed his eyes. One hand grasped the kitchen counter tightly. "I know. I know I screwed up there, but." Alec's eyes suddenly turned a bright emerald green.
"You son of a bitch," he hissed. "You have no fuckin' clue what I went through! Screw you, Jeremiah! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!"
Alec looked as though he was going to hang up, when I said, "Alec, give me the phone." I reached out for it. Alec glanced at me and gave the phone in his hand a little glare.
"Give me the phone now."
Reluctantly, my brother handed me the phone and stomped over to the table. I took the phone with me into my bedroom and closed the door. Pressing it to my ear, I snapped, "Jeremiah, you better have a good reason to tell me why you're pissing off Alec and scaring Bree."
"I'm doing this for the good of the unit," Jeremiah replied. "I thought you would understand that." I rubbed my forehead with my free hand. Tomorrow had better give me a better day and week.
Finally, I spoke in a patient voice, "Jeremiah, I understand you want to do what's best for the unit, but this is not the way to go about it."
Jeremiah grunted as he replied, "A commanding officer must do what needs to be done regardless of how he appears before his subordinates."
"That's nice," I said, "but that's not what I'm talking about. Whatever you just said to Alec's got him pissed at you."
"Isn't he always?"
"Yes, but you hit a nerve. A nasty one. What did you say to him?"
"That's between the two of us."
"Jeremiah, I don't care! You hurt him, stop it!"
"He's a soldier. He can take it." Jeremiah's voice was cold, Manticore cold. I shook my head.
"You know, Alec's right," I said. "Remove that rod that's rammed up your butt and then talk to me."
"Bobbie," said Jeremiah, but I hung up on him. I looked at the phone in my hand and took a deep breath.
"Bobbie?" Alec called. I stepped out of my bedroom to see my brother putting on his jacket. He smiled at me, but the sparkle wasn't in his eyes.
"Where are you headed?" I asked, putting the phone back on its headset.
He held up his cell phone, "TC. Luke called a few minutes ago. Said the team retrieving this month's tryptophan supply got ambushed."
"Anybody injured?"
"He didn't say."
"You need me to join you?" Alec shook his head as he put his cell phone back in his back pocket. "Nah. Luke says Louise has got it covered in the infirmary. You and Bree rest up and come by tomorrow."
"Sure thing," I replied. Alec turned towards my front door, but paused at the doorjamb. Bree ran up to him and gave him a tight hug. Smiling, Alec hugged her back while running a hand through her thick curls. Taking a deep breath, he whispered, "It's good to see you, 463. We'll talk tomorrow." Bree beamed at him. I stepped over to him and gave him a hug. I breathed deeply and stepped back. His eyes were still green.
"Be careful."
"Bobbie." Alec rolled his eyes as I tugged his arm.
"Be careful," I insisted, "and call me."
"Bobbie," Alec said again. I put on my resolve face.
"Alec," I warned.
Sighing, Alec answered, "All right. I will."
Lightly punching him on the shoulder, I said, "You better. We'll do some training tomorrow at TC. I notice you keep getting shot in your right shoulder. It's not good."
Alec smiled back at me. "Will do." He pulled me close to whisper, "Talk to Bree. She wouldn't tell me what happened with her. I think Logan brought up you-know-who." Alec and I looked back at Bree who was sitting on my couch, flipping between TV channels.
"I don't know, Alec," I said. "She might not even want to talk about it. God, I can't even talk about it."
"It's screwing her up," said Alec. "I've been trying to tell Jeremiah this for months, but she needs to talk about it. Hell, sometimes I think we all do." We looked at Bree again who had changed the channel from the latest update on the Transgenic Bill to AMC.
Taking a deep breath, I replied, "All right. I will."
"Good," Alec gave me a quick hug before bounding down the stairs and out of my apartment building.
"Bobbie, he's going to be okay?" I turned to Bree as I closed the door.
"I hope so," I said.
"Jeremiah really got him mad. I've never seen 494, I mean, Alec act that way," Bree shook her head. "It scared me."
"It scared me too," I replied as Bree turned off the TV. She leaned her head against the soft pillows. I sat down beside her and rested my head.
"They always fight," Bree continued. "Have you ever wondered why?"
"I've got a few clues, nothing concrete."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Bree and I listened to the dogs barking and the garbage trucks rumbling down the street. An ambulance wailed in the distance, while a police siren screeched.
"So," I said, deciding to dive-in headfirst. "How did you get here?" Bree looked at me uncomfortably.
"What do you mean?" she asked, her eyes not looking at mine. "I traveled by bus." I looked at her sharply.
"You know what I mean, Bree," I said. "John Valdez? The transgenic blood junkies? What's going on?"
"Bobbie, you know Manticore made me the blood donor for the unit."
"I know." All of us at Manticore had the same blood type, but a select few within each unit were designed to be the "official" blood donor in case there were heavy injuries during a mission.
"My blood gives the ordinaries a kick." Bree shrugged as she went on, "Gave me some money in hard times. John, he just liked me."
"Did he like you for anything else?"
"Bobbie!" A flash of anger crossed Bree's face, but just as quickly as it came, her face had hardened once more. I grabbed her arm, forcing my sister to look at me directly.
"Bree, don't mess with me on this one. Did Valdez like you for anything else?" Angrily, Bree pulled her arm out of my grasp.
"You know our looks weren't meant for just being pretty," she replied. Bree looked disgusted and bitter at the same time. Her lips tightened as her hands balled up into fists. Looking down at her curled up fists; she forced her hands to relax. Clearing her throat, she said, "I did what I had to do. Manticore taught me that much."
"Manticore taught us crap," I snapped. "If there's anyone who should know this, it should be you."
"Bobbie, don't you think I might like it?" Bree's face changed. It made her look at least fifty.
"What? To be used and abused?"
"No, to be desired," Bree looked at me with blank eyes. "To know that when I walk into a room, every man in there wants to have me, possess me, even be me." Bree drew herself up with pride.
"I was made for it," she spoke with relish.
"God, Bree," I breathed with a shake of my head. "That TAC officer screwed you up way more than I thought." Her face fell and she became the scared young soldier who had thrown up at a dissection again.
"Bobbie, please," she whispered, her dark eyes wide and afraid. "Don't mention him. Let's talk about something else. Like TC, what's it like?"
"Bree, don't change the subject."
"I-I- I'm not," she stammered, while looking away from me. "I just don't want to talk about him." Her voice became hard. "He's gone and that's all there is to it."
"That's not all there is to it," I said. "Not when what he did to you, to all of us, is still screwing you up after all these years." Bree still looked so scared. Keeping my voice soft, I continued, "I read somewhere it helps to talk about it."
"Bobbie, I don't want to talk about it," said Bree, glaring at me. "You've never faced what he did. He would make a move on you, but he never went all the way. He was afraid of you. No one's afraid of little 463. People use her. When I give blood to the ordinaries, they need me. They need my blood to make them happy. I get to use them." Bree's mouth twisted with satisfaction. She glanced up at me and blanched at the look of horror on my face.
Leaning forward, while grasping my hands, she spoke, "Bobbie, it's not that I don't appreciate you and Alec rescuing me from that place." Bree swallowed hard. "It's just that I know what my purpose is. You guys keep trying to protect me and I love you for it, but I'm a screw-up. I might as well accept it and so should you." I sighed as I touched Bree's tight curls. I pulled her close to me so that her head rested upon my chest.
"You are not a screw-up," I said, voice firm. "You are my sister and I will always protect you. I will not stand by and watch you waste your life. I can't and I won't." I felt her shake her head.
"Then you're going to lose." Bree moved away from me and got up. Walking towards the guestroom Alec had set up for her while I was gone, Bree turned to face me as she leaned against the doorjamb.
"Good night, Bobbie."
"Good night, Bree."
Numbly, I returned to my apartment in Sector 7 and slowly opened the door. Alec and Bree were sitting at the kitchen table, sipping what smelled like hot chocolate.
"Hey guys," I greeted as I closed the door and took off my shoes. My unit members glanced up at me.
"Hey, Bobbie," said Bree, taking another deep sip from her coffee mug.
"Hey, Bobbie," said Alec. "How did your date go?"
I shrugged as I went over to my refrigerator and pulled out a box of cheesecake. "It went okay," I said, pulling out several plastic plates, knives and forks. Setting the cheesecake box in the middle of the table, I pulled up a chair, opened the box, and cut a piece. Alec and Bree each took a piece and ate. The three of us sat at my table, silently eating for what seemed like the longest time.
"What time is it?" I asked, wanting to break the silence.
"Midnight," Bree replied. "Why?"
"Nothing," I said, running a hand through my hair. "I just don't feel tired. I want to be tired right now."
"Bad date?" my sister asked sympathetically.
"Oh, yeah," I replied, with a shake of my head. "It was bad on a level yet to be defined."
"I'm sure things will work out," said Bree. "Alec's been telling me how much Peter loves you and how much you love him. It's nice." My sister smiled at me shyly. "You shouldn't be lonely." Sadness fell over her dark eyes.
"I'm probably going to be lonely for a good long while," I said. "I think Peter and I are going to break up."
"What happened?" Alec asked.
"Oh, the usual," I said with a sigh. "He was pissed because I was late, again and then I just found out he's leaving for Washington as in the capital to support that stupid anti-transgenic bill and then we got into this huge fight about transgenics and, God, I don't know how it happened, but I got so pissed at him, I almost punched him!"
"Wow," said Bree.
"Oh, yeah, wow," I said. "I'll probably call him and apologize, but I don't know. He was so hateful, guys, he didn't look like the guy I fell in love with."
"Maybe it is the guy you fell in love with and now you're seeing his true colors," said Alec. He looked at me pointedly.
I shook my head, "No. No way. That bigoted guy I was talking to tonight was in no way, shape or form, the guy I love. I do love him, Alec. Really, I do."
Alec held up his hands in resignation. "I believe you."
"Damn straight I love him," I muttered. "You know, I'm sure that this whole thing will blow over and it'll be okay. I'll call him tomorrow and we'll have a talk. You know, clear the air, get things said and before you know it, we'll be back on track."
"Right," said Alec.
"Right," said Bree.
"Right," I said. "Everything's going to be just fine."
"Nothing to worry about," said Alec putting the last bit of cheesecake into his mouth.
I looked at him. "Speaking of nothing to worry about, you called Max, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did. Angry?"
I shook my head. "No, I'm not. You have to admit it's been a long time coming. How was she?"
"She sounded okay. She hung up on me the minute she heard my voice, though."
"At least she's not punching you or anything. Finding out Logan's problem the way she did has got to freak her out a little."
"It did," Alec said.
"You meant what you said?" I asked as I got up to clear the table. Bree quickly rose up to help out. I smiled gratefully at her as she began to put the dirty plastic plates into the garbage pail and wash the knives and forks.
"About Logan?" Alec asked, looking at me somberly.
"Yeah."
"I meant it," Alec's voice was calm and cool. "I meant every goddamned word. He comes into TC after today, I'll hunt him down."
"The man needs help," I said, pushing my hair out of my eyes. I sat back down at the table. "He needs a rehab group that'll set him straight."
"I thought you didn't like Logan."
"I don't. That doesn't mean I want him to overdose on the blood. He's an addict. He needs to face up to the root of his addiction."
"Thank you, Oprah," Alec gave me a little smile. I smiled back. Then we looked at my clock again and sighed. As Bree dried the plates and put them back in the cupboards, Alec asked, almost casually, "So, Bree, you okay?"
Bree paused for a moment after putting the last plate in the cupboard before turning to face us. She fidgeted before answering, "I'm fine, Alec. I told you that. You're almost as bad as Jeremiah."
At that, Alec's eyes went wide and his skin turned an interesting shade of green. "Bree, don't say that. I could never be as bad as Jeremiah."
Bree gave Alec a wicked smile as she said, "Keep asking me if I'm all right all the time, you're going to be as bad as him."
Alec held up his hands in protest, "All right. All right. I'll lay off the questions. I just want to make sure if you're safe."
Bree bent her head as she replied, "I'm good."
Alec smiled back, "That's good."
"Alec?" Bree began, her voice hesitant and unsure, "Did Jeremiah ask you about that government job?"
"Yes, he did," Alec answered, his tone cautious. "Why?"
Bree shrugged as she shifted uneasily, "It's just that-before I left New York to, well, you know." Bree flushed as Alec nodded his head for her to continue. Bree's voice became stronger as she went on, "Well, he said that there's a position for me, even a job lined up if I join. He said it was the same for the rest of us." Bree looked back and forth between Alec and myself. I pressed my chin to the table and closed my eyes for a moment. Alec was tapping his fingers against the table, the drumming vibrations shaking it. Rubbing his chin, Alec replied, "Look, Bree, it's your choice if you want to join Jeremiah's stupid plan."
"I know," my sister interjected.
"Good," said Alec, pursing his lips, "I just think that you might want to settle down here in Seattle. You know, get a decent job, get an apartment, and maybe do something with your life. Being a soldier isn't your only option."
"It feels like it, sometimes," said Bree, leaning against the kitchen counter. "It feels like the whole world wants nothing more than for us to go back to being killers, mindless soldiers working for them."
"Yeah," I said, "The whole world wants us in this neat little box labeled "killer" just so they can be proven right that we're nothing more than that." I stared out the window. "God, I hate this world."
"Makes you wonder how it let us exist," said Alec, pursing his lips in thought. "I mean, the DNA that runs in your veins and mine isn't exactly normal. We're part cat, that means our closest relative is Simba the lion or even Sassy the housecat. It's freaky, that's what it is."
"But you have to admit it's fun," said Bree with a sly smile. We looked at her as she moved towards us. "Come on, Alec, Jeremiah's told me about your little stint as Monty Cora." Alec gave Bree a self-satisfied smirk, to which I groaned.
"Bree," I said, "Don't encourage him." Bree grinned at me as she sat down between Alec and myself. "Don't you guys think it's fun to have an ordinary, a big hairy guy who's like 300 pounds and you're a measly 178."
"Hey!" Alec interrupted, looking a little offended. "178 is not measly!" Bree and I rolled our eyes at him.
"Anyway," said Bree with a smile, "That 300 pound ordinary thinks you're easy pickings. He thinks he can beat you up and bring you home to dinner, but when you fight him, he's the one coming home for dinner in itty-bitty pieces." Alec cracked his knuckles and leaned back in his chair, heaving a self-satisfied sigh.
"That was fun wasn't it?"
"Of course, it's fun," said Bree. "We're faster. Stronger than the average human."
"And smarter," said Alec. "Can't forget that."
"Right," said Bree with a nod of her head. "So, it makes sense that the norms are afraid of us. We could probably take over them, easily."
"But we don't," I said looking at Alec and Bree. "It's not right. We have to fit into their world. No matter how uncomfortable, annoying or just plain hateful it is of anything different."
"Subtext becoming text, Bobbie," said Alec with a raised eyebrow. He leaned forward, "Come on. What really happened between you and Peter?"
"I told you," I replied. "We had a fight. He told me he was going to Washington, end of story." Alec looked skeptical and he looked down at the floor. He looked back up at me.
"Bobbie, you're damned lucky you aren't in Psych Obs right now," Alec looked at me with pointed eyes. "They would have definitely put you in the basement for serious re-indoctrination." I glanced down and realized that my right leg was bobbing up and down, a sure sign that I was nervous. I glared at Alec who only had an impassive look on his face.
"Look, Peter and I had a little argument," I began.
"How little?"
"Transgenic little."
Alec winced as he said, "Damn."
"Yeah," I replied, "It didn't help that his mother was a supreme bitch of the first order." I shook my head as I tried to rid myself of the images from the fight.
"Peter's mom is against transgenics?" Alec asked. "Why does that not surprise me?"
"You want to say "I told you so", Alec?" I asked, letting a twisted smile cross my lips. "Go ahead, you were right. Peter's a bigot against transgenics and so is his mother. I should do what you've been begging me to do for a year. I should break up with him." Alec still remained impassive.
Irritated, I pressed on, "You know, in the entire time he was railing against transgenics, I kept wondering why I didn't just say, "Hey Pete! Guess what? You're dating a freak!" That would have served him right."
"Why didn't you?" asked Alec, his hazel eyes soft with concern.
"I don't know," I rubbed my forehead in frustration. "It was like Bobbie the X5 left the building and in my place was Bobbie the homemaker, this doormat, who has no brain or spine of her own. God!" My stomach churned at what I said next. "I'm Max! Peter's Logan and I'm Max! Dear God! I'm a pathetic excuse for an X5 when I can't even sit up and say, "I'm X5 and I'm proud!" all because I want a "normal life"! God!" I slammed my head against the table and groaned aloud.
"Bobbie, I think you're being a little melodramatic," said Alec. I shook my head and stood up.
"It makes sense now," I said, while pacing back and forth. "The lying, the insistence on keeping my transgenic life separate from my "normal" life, it fits!" I sank back down in my chair. I felt my heart sink when I thought of Peter. "But I love Peter. He's a good man, just confused about transgenics."
"And you think you can help him see the light," said Alec. I turned to my brother, an earnest look on my face.
"I have to. If Peter can accept me, if he can truly accept me for who and what I am, then everything will be all right. I won't have to hide anymore and I'm tired of hiding, Alec." I leaned back in my chair with a sigh.
Alec nodded. "It wears you down. The hiding. The fear. That's why I don't hide. That's why if I look for a job, I just say I'm a transgenic, straight up."
"Even if the boss won't hire you?" asked Bree.
"Even if that happens," Alec's voice was hollow. "If they come for me, I'm fighting back. I won't let what happened to Biggs happen to me."
"Biggs?" Bree looked confused for a moment. "What's his designation?" Alec paused before answering, "X5-477." Understanding flooded Bree's face as she reached out to pat Alec on the back.
"Oh, god," she whispered, a small tear falling down her cheek. "He was.back at Manticore...he was."
"Yeah, he was," said Alec as he grasped Bree's hand.
Wiping her eyes fiercely, "How? I remember he did a job with you after you did that first deep cover mission. He was the only X5 at Manticore, other than us, who would pair up with you after that mission." At that, Alec blanched and grasped the table edge. His eyes suddenly took on a haunted appearance. I looked at him with curiosity. At the time of Alec's first deep-cover mission, I was in New York on my second deep cover operation. I had heard from the other female X5's during a heat lockdown that something went wrong with his first mission. What occurred on that mission, he never told me and I never got around to asking him.
Swallowing hard he answered, "Some guys got the jump on him and-lynched him. I took care of them." The look in Alec's eyes told us not to press any further.
The phone rang and Bree picked it up. Alec and I looked up at her as her face went pale and scared.
"Hi, Jeremiah," my sister said. "I'm okay. Alec and Bobbie found me. No, you don't have to come over. I think I'll be okay here." She paused to listen to Jeremiah. Bree's shoulder's sagged for a bit as Jeremiah's voice squawked over the phone. Alec's face slowly hardened and he started to get up, but I forced him to sit still.
"Jeremiah, please," she begged. "I'm not ready to go back to New York. Yes, I remember everything from Manticore. No, it's not that I want a norm life." Bree looked as though she was going to burst into tears when Alec stood up and grabbed the phone.
Pressing it to his ear, he said, "Hey, Jeremiah, quit bugging our sister, all right? She's had a rough night." He rolled his eyes as Jeremiah's voice shrieked over the phone. When our CO's voice stopped, Alec answered, "No, we're not going to let her out of our sight. Jeremiah, could you at least remove whatever rod it is you've got up your butt?"
"Alec," I warned. He frowned at me, but reluctantly changed his tone.
"Look, Jeremiah, Bree's fine. I'm fine and Bobbie's fine. She's going to stay over at Bobbie's place for the night and we'll go from there." Alec gripped the phone tightly as Jeremiah made his reply.
"Gee, Jer, feeling the love here," Alec looked bitter. "You don't trust me? That's news." I started to get up to stop the train-wreck of a phone conversation between my brothers, but Alec turned away from me.
"Yes, I know that you're the commanding officer," my brother said with gritted teeth. "We're not at Manticore anymore, but apparently that's besides the point." Jeremiah's voice went on, sounding harsh and cruel.
"Jeremiah," Alec said in a warning tone. "Don't. Please don't." He paused as Jeremiah's voice continued. He swallowed hard as he closed his eyes. One hand grasped the kitchen counter tightly. "I know. I know I screwed up there, but." Alec's eyes suddenly turned a bright emerald green.
"You son of a bitch," he hissed. "You have no fuckin' clue what I went through! Screw you, Jeremiah! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!"
Alec looked as though he was going to hang up, when I said, "Alec, give me the phone." I reached out for it. Alec glanced at me and gave the phone in his hand a little glare.
"Give me the phone now."
Reluctantly, my brother handed me the phone and stomped over to the table. I took the phone with me into my bedroom and closed the door. Pressing it to my ear, I snapped, "Jeremiah, you better have a good reason to tell me why you're pissing off Alec and scaring Bree."
"I'm doing this for the good of the unit," Jeremiah replied. "I thought you would understand that." I rubbed my forehead with my free hand. Tomorrow had better give me a better day and week.
Finally, I spoke in a patient voice, "Jeremiah, I understand you want to do what's best for the unit, but this is not the way to go about it."
Jeremiah grunted as he replied, "A commanding officer must do what needs to be done regardless of how he appears before his subordinates."
"That's nice," I said, "but that's not what I'm talking about. Whatever you just said to Alec's got him pissed at you."
"Isn't he always?"
"Yes, but you hit a nerve. A nasty one. What did you say to him?"
"That's between the two of us."
"Jeremiah, I don't care! You hurt him, stop it!"
"He's a soldier. He can take it." Jeremiah's voice was cold, Manticore cold. I shook my head.
"You know, Alec's right," I said. "Remove that rod that's rammed up your butt and then talk to me."
"Bobbie," said Jeremiah, but I hung up on him. I looked at the phone in my hand and took a deep breath.
"Bobbie?" Alec called. I stepped out of my bedroom to see my brother putting on his jacket. He smiled at me, but the sparkle wasn't in his eyes.
"Where are you headed?" I asked, putting the phone back on its headset.
He held up his cell phone, "TC. Luke called a few minutes ago. Said the team retrieving this month's tryptophan supply got ambushed."
"Anybody injured?"
"He didn't say."
"You need me to join you?" Alec shook his head as he put his cell phone back in his back pocket. "Nah. Luke says Louise has got it covered in the infirmary. You and Bree rest up and come by tomorrow."
"Sure thing," I replied. Alec turned towards my front door, but paused at the doorjamb. Bree ran up to him and gave him a tight hug. Smiling, Alec hugged her back while running a hand through her thick curls. Taking a deep breath, he whispered, "It's good to see you, 463. We'll talk tomorrow." Bree beamed at him. I stepped over to him and gave him a hug. I breathed deeply and stepped back. His eyes were still green.
"Be careful."
"Bobbie." Alec rolled his eyes as I tugged his arm.
"Be careful," I insisted, "and call me."
"Bobbie," Alec said again. I put on my resolve face.
"Alec," I warned.
Sighing, Alec answered, "All right. I will."
Lightly punching him on the shoulder, I said, "You better. We'll do some training tomorrow at TC. I notice you keep getting shot in your right shoulder. It's not good."
Alec smiled back at me. "Will do." He pulled me close to whisper, "Talk to Bree. She wouldn't tell me what happened with her. I think Logan brought up you-know-who." Alec and I looked back at Bree who was sitting on my couch, flipping between TV channels.
"I don't know, Alec," I said. "She might not even want to talk about it. God, I can't even talk about it."
"It's screwing her up," said Alec. "I've been trying to tell Jeremiah this for months, but she needs to talk about it. Hell, sometimes I think we all do." We looked at Bree again who had changed the channel from the latest update on the Transgenic Bill to AMC.
Taking a deep breath, I replied, "All right. I will."
"Good," Alec gave me a quick hug before bounding down the stairs and out of my apartment building.
"Bobbie, he's going to be okay?" I turned to Bree as I closed the door.
"I hope so," I said.
"Jeremiah really got him mad. I've never seen 494, I mean, Alec act that way," Bree shook her head. "It scared me."
"It scared me too," I replied as Bree turned off the TV. She leaned her head against the soft pillows. I sat down beside her and rested my head.
"They always fight," Bree continued. "Have you ever wondered why?"
"I've got a few clues, nothing concrete."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Bree and I listened to the dogs barking and the garbage trucks rumbling down the street. An ambulance wailed in the distance, while a police siren screeched.
"So," I said, deciding to dive-in headfirst. "How did you get here?" Bree looked at me uncomfortably.
"What do you mean?" she asked, her eyes not looking at mine. "I traveled by bus." I looked at her sharply.
"You know what I mean, Bree," I said. "John Valdez? The transgenic blood junkies? What's going on?"
"Bobbie, you know Manticore made me the blood donor for the unit."
"I know." All of us at Manticore had the same blood type, but a select few within each unit were designed to be the "official" blood donor in case there were heavy injuries during a mission.
"My blood gives the ordinaries a kick." Bree shrugged as she went on, "Gave me some money in hard times. John, he just liked me."
"Did he like you for anything else?"
"Bobbie!" A flash of anger crossed Bree's face, but just as quickly as it came, her face had hardened once more. I grabbed her arm, forcing my sister to look at me directly.
"Bree, don't mess with me on this one. Did Valdez like you for anything else?" Angrily, Bree pulled her arm out of my grasp.
"You know our looks weren't meant for just being pretty," she replied. Bree looked disgusted and bitter at the same time. Her lips tightened as her hands balled up into fists. Looking down at her curled up fists; she forced her hands to relax. Clearing her throat, she said, "I did what I had to do. Manticore taught me that much."
"Manticore taught us crap," I snapped. "If there's anyone who should know this, it should be you."
"Bobbie, don't you think I might like it?" Bree's face changed. It made her look at least fifty.
"What? To be used and abused?"
"No, to be desired," Bree looked at me with blank eyes. "To know that when I walk into a room, every man in there wants to have me, possess me, even be me." Bree drew herself up with pride.
"I was made for it," she spoke with relish.
"God, Bree," I breathed with a shake of my head. "That TAC officer screwed you up way more than I thought." Her face fell and she became the scared young soldier who had thrown up at a dissection again.
"Bobbie, please," she whispered, her dark eyes wide and afraid. "Don't mention him. Let's talk about something else. Like TC, what's it like?"
"Bree, don't change the subject."
"I-I- I'm not," she stammered, while looking away from me. "I just don't want to talk about him." Her voice became hard. "He's gone and that's all there is to it."
"That's not all there is to it," I said. "Not when what he did to you, to all of us, is still screwing you up after all these years." Bree still looked so scared. Keeping my voice soft, I continued, "I read somewhere it helps to talk about it."
"Bobbie, I don't want to talk about it," said Bree, glaring at me. "You've never faced what he did. He would make a move on you, but he never went all the way. He was afraid of you. No one's afraid of little 463. People use her. When I give blood to the ordinaries, they need me. They need my blood to make them happy. I get to use them." Bree's mouth twisted with satisfaction. She glanced up at me and blanched at the look of horror on my face.
Leaning forward, while grasping my hands, she spoke, "Bobbie, it's not that I don't appreciate you and Alec rescuing me from that place." Bree swallowed hard. "It's just that I know what my purpose is. You guys keep trying to protect me and I love you for it, but I'm a screw-up. I might as well accept it and so should you." I sighed as I touched Bree's tight curls. I pulled her close to me so that her head rested upon my chest.
"You are not a screw-up," I said, voice firm. "You are my sister and I will always protect you. I will not stand by and watch you waste your life. I can't and I won't." I felt her shake her head.
"Then you're going to lose." Bree moved away from me and got up. Walking towards the guestroom Alec had set up for her while I was gone, Bree turned to face me as she leaned against the doorjamb.
"Good night, Bobbie."
"Good night, Bree."