Nijuusei

Chapter 9: Better Off the Second Go 'Round

By Kaen

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Sorry this chapter took so long to get out! I've been busy with traveling, costume making, doing nothing, and being lazy. I truly apologize to anyone and everyone who has been patiently awaiting the new chapter. Without further delay, please read on and if you could find it in your heart to review, I'd love you forever!

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"You're not falling asleep on me already, are you?" Yui swept a few strands of hair away from Kokuei's eyes.

"Hmmm…?" he shifted some as his eyes fluttered slightly. Yui sighed good-naturedly.

"Maybe we could talk later, Kokuei?" she asked his weary form, which look quite comfortable on the two miniature sofas. That actually did catch his attention as he groaned sleepily, stretched, and let out a jaw splitting yawn. Sitting up, he looked at her in confusion for a few seconds before recalling his current position.

"Oh! Yui! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to drift off… I'd really love to talk with you now!" Kokuei said with a little more enthusiasm than Yui had thought possible, given that he had just woken up. He grinned and scooted over so that there was room for her on the couch-contraption. Just like Suboshi, Yui mused as she lowered herself onto the sofas, Crashed to conscious in less than five seconds. Meanwhile, Kokuei allowed himself to take in Yui's new appearance. She had traded her white sweatshirt and jeans for a loose-fitting t-shirt and what appeared to be boxers. Okay then…

"Don't you like my pajamas?" Yui teased, playfully poking Kokuei's side. He yelped, reflexively blocking the area from further assault with his hand.

She giggled as she declared, "You're poke-able."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

She poked him again. "There, you see? You are pokeable."

"Fine," he admitted nonchalantly, "but you're wearing boxers."

"They're better than your pajamas," she countered.

"… What pajamas?" Kokuei questioned, not catching on to Yui's little prank.

"Exactly."

"Oh…" he looked down, blushing ever so slightly.

Yui smirked in satisfaction at the response she got out of Kokuei. It was fun to tease him- both the brothers,' actually. Of course, she wasn't planning on having her new roommate sleep in his normal clothes forever. A shopping trip was definitely planned in the near future, whether he liked it or not. "Hey, Kokuei?" She decided to inform him of the agenda.

"What is it?"

"I think that we should get you some other clothes. How about we go out tomorrow?" she said, shrinking down slightly. She was almost certain that such a suggestion would make him feel uncomfortable.

"That sounds all right. I'll see what I can get with the twenty bucks I found today!" he paused, an almost pained expression on his face. "Wait a second… Actually, I was going to go today, but I… had some trouble."

Yui straightened back up, listening with renewed interest. "What happened?"

"Uh… Well, I had a bit of trouble with some crazy lady who thought that I was her kid, and then I almost ran into a group of people who don't particularly like me…"

"What did you just say?!" Yui started, gripping Kokuei's shoulders as her intense eyes bore into his startled ones.

"About the people?" Kokuei squeaked timidly.

"No! I mean, about the lady who thought that you were her kid and all?" she explained impatiently. Whatever could've happened then probably involved Hiashi…

"Well, I was just sitting in a back alley and was about to eat, but then this lady yells, 'Hiashi! Come help us move stuff into your room. Don't be rude, and bla bla bla…'"

Although Kokuei continued his story past that, Yui had let him go and had allowed her thoughts to trail off into something else. So, Kokuei was mistaken for Hiashi while Hiashi was stuck at the station? It would make sense, but the odds of that happening are nearly impossible! This has already caused too much havoc… They're going to have to meet each other soon…

"Yui, is there something wrong?"

She snapped out of her thoughts. Grinning apologetically, she lied, "There's nothing wrong. I was just thinking about… how you life must have been. Could you tell me a little bit about it?"

He gazed at her thoughtfully, as if trying to recall something important that he had long since forgotten. Emotions quickly mirrored themselves in his eyes, but finally he shrugged, looking away, as he stated, "It's not that special, really."

"Could you tell me anyways?" Yui asked earnestly, leaning her head against his shoulder. She heard him sigh.

"Okay, but just remember that you asked me for it. It'll probably put you to sleep," he tried as a last-ditch effort. She nodded, silently prodding him to continue. "Well, when I was really little- maybe three or so? – I remember a lot of yelling and arguing." He paused, a frown crossing his features. "But, one day, the screaming stopped and my mother was dead. She had been the only one who had tried to stand up to my father because he was drunk most of the time and was always beating on me-"

"Just you?" Yui interrupted, her brow furrowed in thought.

He fell silent, his fingers drumming on the cushion. After several seconds, he finally responded, "I think so. No siblings, if that's what you're asking. It was just me and my mother, unless you want to hear about my imaginary friend…"

She answered abruptly: "Sure, why not? I want to know as much about you as I can."

He looked at her awkwardly, not understanding the purpose of her suggestion. Shrugging his shoulders again, he attempted to explain. "Um… Well, my imaginary friend, huh? That's one thing no one's ever asked about before… okay, well first of all: he was a little boy like me – this is so embarrassing to talk about."

"But can't you tell me, Kokuei?" Yui pleaded, sitting up straight in order to look him in the eye. He faltered, temporarily loosing himself in the shining blue orbs. She bit down on her lower lip, giving the impression that she was about to burst into tears. He gulped. The last thing he wanted was to make her cry, especially not because of him!

"All right, all right…" He averted his gaze, his cheeks slightly flushed. Before he continued, he stole a side-glance at Yui. Damn it, she was holding that adorable, yet pitiful face. He felt his face burning as he pressed himself on: "My friend was just like me. I'd imagine that we always liked the same things and that we were best friends, since I wasn't allowed to go outside and play with other kids. We even looked the same, but looking back on it…"

"What about it?"

"Now that I think about it, it was probably just a mirror that I'd talk to. Guess it happens when you're lonely and little, huh?" He laughed nervously. "How dumb is that?" he added, more as a statement than a question.

There were no words to describe the wave of sadness that overtook Yui's heart. Could it be true that Kokuei really didn't know his own brother? Did Kokuei really believe that his own brother was really just a figment of his imagination, something that was just as easily dismissed from one's thoughts as a sudden chill in a room? She felt genuine tears swell in her eyes, but she wiped them away quickly with the back of his hand before her companion could notice. How incredibly sad…

"Anyways," he rambled on, desperately trying to change the conversation. "After my mom died, all I can remember was that I was suddenly out on the streets, alone. I literally just woke up and I couldn't figure out how I got there or anything. I know I was lost for a long time, and then the house that I used to live in had been chained shut and there was bright yellow tape all around it."

"Condemned?" Yui inquired.

"Probably… But it's hard to picture it perfectly because I was so little, you know? I wandered around for a long time after that- maybe years? I just know it was really hard and I was sick a lot of the time."

"How could you live like that? You were so young; you couldn't have possibly survived like that on your own!" Yui pointed out, emphasizing by lifting her hand and holding it palm-up. A sorrowful expression fell over Kokuei's face, his eyebrows furrowing. He leaned back further against the sofa as he sighed heavily.

"You're right. I wasn't alone all the time out there… Someone looked after me for a while, but..."

"But what?"

"He died," he stated, sounding indifferent, but his eyes gave away his true feelings. Yui couldn't ignore the pain shimmering in the midnight-blue depths, especially after being made more obvious by the dim lighting. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, hugging him gently.

"I'm sorry," Yui whispered, "I can tell that it still hurts you, and you don't have to talk about it anymore of you don't want to. Perhaps you wouldn't believe me, but I once lost someone very dear to me. The problem was that at the time of his death, I hadn't realized my feelings for him. I wouldn't accept his affection, and I never told him that I didn't love him… He died alone and it was my fault. I was told that he called out for me; even after I'd always treat him poorly, but somehow he loved me and had always been gracious to me…" She sniffled, fighting back her tears against. She rested her forehead against Kokuei's shoulder, embracing him tighter. He voice was hoarse as she repeated: "I never told him that I didn't love him, and I never let him know that I cared about him either. I was so damn selfish; all I ever thought about was how I felt, never how the ones around me felt. I'm such an idiot1 I'm-"

"Beautiful," Kokuei finished, his voice barely over a whisper. He wrapped his arms around her tenderly and she gasped, taken aback by both his verbal and physical response. She clung to him, willing the tears to subside, but finding trouble as she realized irony of the situation. Here was the very one who died for her, in his new life and embracing her as he told her that she was beautiful.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what I did, Kokuei. You'd hate me if you knew…" she replied bitterly, pulling away.

But instead of releasing her, he tightened his arms around her. He shushed her and then brought a hand up to stroke her hair. She savored the gentle touch, closing her eyes and leaning into it with a sigh. I don't know how he could possibly forgive me if he knew how he suffered at my hands, and now, here he is, comforting me once again. How do such miracles happen to such undeserving people? How could he be here, so oblivious to my broken heart that still calls for him after all of these years? I guess it's true… I did care… I did.. love…

"I'm sorry, Yui," Kokuei said to her softly. "I'm not much of a comfort. I know I could never replace the one that you lost, but I'll stay here and try to comfort you for as long as you'll have me."

"You're more of a comfort than you'll ever know, Kokuei. And if you'll stay with me, you can stay here forever. I don't want you to ever leave me…" Again… her subconscious added for her, causing her grip on Kokuei to tighten.

His eyes softened, fondness radiating from them. But somehow, it felt as though his emotions went far beyond fondness. Is it- was it possible that he, the worthless, nameless, street bum was in love, and had his love returned? No… She just pities you… That's what you're allowed to stay here. You'll never be good enough to have even you're own apartment, and Yui sees that. That's why she's letting you stay… You don't deserve her either… You're worthless…he swallowed the lump that had lodged itself in his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to get his conscience to shut up. Changing his current thought, he quickly began to talk.

"I feel so stupid now; I used to think that I'd lost the most important thing in the world, but then I hear your story and I can't even compare to your loss! You must have endured so much pain and here I am, acting so pathetic! I'm so sorry!"

"Don't apologize, Kokuei. It's my fault, my story was. Nothing's ever worse than knowing that you could've prevented something terrible from happening, but even afterwards, it's still my fault. It's not fair that you should have to take on the burden of my stupid actions…"

"I care to much about you to let you suffer alone," Kokuei said earnestly, his eyes reflecting his sincerity and warmth. Yui's eyes snapped up form the floor as she met his eyes. Being illuminated by the tabletop lamp, those same large blue eyes were made even more inviting as dim light softened the rest of his features. Yui felt herself drowning in the intensity of their gaze; her heart fluttering and making her feel so light. She couldn't help herself as she leaned closer, his slightly parted lips becoming her unconsciously made goal. She allowed her eyes to drift closed, but they were reopened as she felt Kokuei shift. He was looking away; his cheeks flushed bright red, suddenly finding something fascinating about the blinds covering the window.

"I'm sorry," she stated quickly, leaning back and sitting with her legs folded underneath her. She had been released from his hold completely, and she felt a pang of hurt go through her when she noticed that Kokuei wouldn't look at her. Feeling the need to get both their minds off the prior incident, Yui inquired gently about the person that her flushed friend had lost.

"He wasn't that great of a person, really," Kokuei answered quickly, grateful for the change in moods. "I think that he was a strictly drug dealer, because he dropped out of school and didn't know how to do anything else." He glanced over at Yui, but her expression was unreadable, so he continued: "Anyways, he found me a little while after I woke up alone. He wasn't any knight in shining armor, but he got me food and helped me get better. Later, when I was a little older, he began to show me how to live on the streets without and job and without money."

"Without money?" Yui pondered aloud, the meaning not sinking in immediately.

"Uh, shoplifting and garbage rooting," he clarified.

"Oh…"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm just a common street bum. After my friend was killed in a drive-by shooting, I had to live off of stolen food, restaurants' leftovers, and then the occasional soup kitchen. With some of the stuff I ate when I was starving, it was a miracle that I didn't kill myself." He laughed half-heartedly, before adding: "You know what? It's got to be some weird, displaced miracle that I met you. I have a place to stay, real food if you'll feed me, and a descent life. I don't deserve something this good; you're too good. I'm afraid that if I go to sleep, I'll wake up and find out that this was all just a dream!"

She abruptly shushed him, slightly startling him as she reached over and turned off the light to her left.

"You don't know how lucky I am to have found you, Kokuei. I don't think that you'll ever understand that. I'm not perfect, as you'll soon discover. Neither one of us are perfect, but you'll stay we me so that we can be imperfect together, right?"

He stared off into the dark, being unable to see Yui's love-filled eyes anymore. All he could think about was how lucky he was, how perfect Yui was, even if she wouldn't believe him if she told him, and how he felt. It was if he had discovered the greatest joy any person could ever find, yet he found no words or actions to express how he felt. He was condemned to keep his discovery a secret, for he found no way to tell anyone about it. His eyes dropped down as he vainly tried to focus on what had just caused the sofa cushions net to him to sink in.

"Yui?" he whispered, tracing his hand over her smooth face and then going to stroke her soft hair again. She whimpered softly in response, once again trying to savor the gentle touch. He sighed, a small smile and reassured her: "I'll stay as long as you want me to. That way, we can be imperfect together.  I'll stay with you forever."

She sighed, a tiny smile gracing her face, as she acknowledged his affectionate words. The cushion shifted again as Kokuei laid down beside Yui, his arms wrapping around her from behind. He held her delicately, as is she were made of glass and would shatter if he held her to firmly. She, in turn, snuggled back against him, enjoying the warmth that his body was emitting. He held her a little tighter, but still refused to make his grip much stronger. She sighed in defeat.

They remained like that for several more minutes; until Yui noticed that his breathing had regulated and his heart was beating with the same, slow, soothing rhythm. She confirmed that he had drifted off to sleep, feeling herself lulled by his steady, strong heartbeat. And as a final thought before sleep claimed her, she whispered:

"Kokuei, I don't know how you could ever believe this, but you're so lucky. You're life now is so sweet compared to the one you once had to live… I don't know why or how you're here with me, but I thank the gods for you. You may never believe it, but you're better off this go around. You'll never know how much, but somehow I know that it's better this way. I've always… cared about you… so please… don't ever leave me…"

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I can't believe how fast I wrote this chapter. Usually it takes me a good seven hours, but I just finished the last four pages in less than two hours! That's probably not that impressive for some of you, but I'm proud of myself. Maybe it's because I put myself on Nijuusei deprivation or something while I was traveling and being lazy? Sorry! I really didn't mean to leave everyone hanging, which is exactly why some reviews would be just that much more lovely! Please?? I promise that I'll have the next chapter out sooner! Okay, now I'm just begging… Oh well. I better let you go before I get too pathetic… all right, bye and please review!

-Kaen ^^