A/N: Well, first off, this is in dedication to my good friend Samantha for her upcoming birthday. Second of all, I know the after-the-battle stories have been done to bleeding death, but I tried to make this as in-depth and original as possible.
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 8 characters and locations by Squaresoft
"Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin Park from the album Meteora
*Note: I had to do the lyrics by ear, so some of them might be wrong
"Somewhere I Belong"
It was over. The fighting, the struggling, the worrying, it was all over. Or had it all just begun?
The witch, with all her evil intentions and cruel plots, had been slain, and now everyone was filled with a strange hollowness that was left behind in the wake of scorching adrenalin. It seemed the only natural course for them to celebrate, for them to dance, and drink, and make use of the life that they had come so close to losing. As with any end, this marked the birth of a new beginning. And for one lost soul among the crowd, this was the end of the darkness he had known most of his life, and the beginning of something that scared him more than any monster in existence could.
It was a funny thing, for someone who commanded one of the most powerful armies in the world to be afraid of something as simple as human emotion, but for him, it was a journey into foreign territory. How does someone who had always pushed everyone away accept the fact that suddenly their every thought seemed to rotate around one person? Even now, with everything else on his mind, he would still be drawn back to her. Still, as he walked through the mostly silent halls of Garden, he had to ask himself, was he really ready for a new beginning?
When this began
I had nothing to say
I got lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mindLone footsteps echoed against the emptiness, making each step feel ten times more dramatic than it really was. Yes, tonight was the night that he would try to face his demons, but the best thing to do was to remain calm. Still, he could feel a nervousness swelling in the pit of his stomach, choking him with a burning anxiety that settled over the lost, as they tried so desperately to find their way back. Not so long ago, he had been lost, yet he had been unable to save himself. It contradicted everything he had ever believed, but he had to admit to it. He had gotten lost within himself, within the void that had grown so steadily inside him since childhood. It was a desolate place, empty of life or hope, and no matter how far he walked, he never seemed to get any further. Once again, it was she that brought him back from this place, turning the morbid gray world to one of bright blue skies and lively flowers. She saved him from himself.
No matter how many times he repeated that line in his mind, it still had a strange taste to it. He had been the strong one, the one that didn't need anybody and could always manage on his own. With so many years stolen from his memory, it was hard to remember why he had become that way. Now, after seeing the past once more, he had a better idea of it.
People were so fallible, and unreliable. They were fragile beings in a world where promises and guarantees were only empty words for peace of mind. That was what he had always believed. Nothing was worth hoping for; nothing was worth really trying for. In the end, it would all crumble and fall away. Not until she crashed into his world did he realize that living this way was not living at all. Sure, people had tried to tell him this on many occasions, but perhaps with someone as stubborn as Squall Leonhart, it took someone who was equally stubborn. Someone who wasn't afraid to shove his attitude back in his face.
He couldn't help but smile just slightly at that thought. She was certainly not a shy one, at least not as far as most of her emotions were concerned. He could clearly remember how she fidgeted nervously and refused to meet his gaze while she explained to him why she had wanted his ring. Even now he wouldn't admit it, but he wasn't really as angry about it as he had let on at the time. After all, if he had really wanted his ring back, he would have made sure he got it back outside Galbadia Garden. But that was all pointless musing now. Her side of the story was all out in the open now, and soon his would be, too.
It's hard to breath
But all that they can see
The words revealed
The only real thing that I've got left to feel
He was nearing the elevator now, his thoughts still blazing at unparallel speeds. So much had changed in such a small amount of time. Not so long ago, he had thought that he was the only one that could feel the way he did. No one could possibly understand. He'd been abandoned, made to feel weak, and inadequate. His own self-doubts had threatened to swallow him whole, and spit him out a shattered and broken shell of a human being. But not when she was around. From the very beginning she held a faith in him that he lacked. It was amazing that someone who had just met him already had the utmost confidence in him. Whether it was the way she looked at him, the way she smiled at him, or just the soothing effect of her presence, it made him feel strong, immortal.
Strength had always been a big thing for him. In his mind, it was all he had left. If he tried to be strong, he could do everything by himself. To depend on another was not only foolishness, but weakness. In truth, it was a weakness that almost every person had in common. It was something of a double-edged blade; it could make you the strongest, or it could break you apart. Early in life he had vowed to himself never to take the risk, but now he couldn't help it. There was something in him, growing and spreading like a delightful disease that wouldn't let him turn away. It existed somewhere in between the practical and ethereal, a force unseen, and indescribable but relentless and stronger then he ever could've been.
He wondered often what his fate would have been had he not met her. He wondered if he would even be alive right now. He'd never been the self-destructive type, however. Even at a young age he had accepted that life had to go on, one way or another. Or maybe deep down somewhere, he had always been working toward some unrealized dream, secretly hoping that if he followed the path set for him, it would lead him to something he actually wanted, instead of just tolerated. Either way, he held no regrets now. Had it not been for all that happened, he wouldn't be the person he was. Had things been different, the world as they knew it might not even have existed anymore. Once again, however, his mind had wandered to irreverent thoughts. Now was not the time to dwell on the past. He had a very bright future to look forward to.
Nothing to lose
Just stuck
Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my ownBy now he had finally reached the ballroom. A flood of music and laughter leaked through into the hall, barely contained by the thick walls. The party had started over an hour ago, but it took some time while he struggled with his old habits of avoiding social events. After about forty-five minutes of restless tossing and turning on his bed, he finally forced himself up with the thought of someone very special in mind.
Though he felt an overwhelming need to see her, he was more than a little frightened of her. What would he say, what would he do? While being romantic might come naturally to some men (a very select few, that is) he was certainly not granted with this gift. A lot of their conversations had been arguments, up until Rinoa's comma. And after that, they were constantly on the move. When they did talk, and those sweet, meaningful things were said, it was in moments of danger and uncertainty, or times when the powerful emotion they shared had overflowed. Now it was clam, and harder to say those things that he once had scorned. Words were too shallow in the first place. Anyone could say anything, and it not hold a single bit of sincerity. But if just talking to her made him uneasy, showing her was out of the question. All this time he had been alone, without need or desire to express any form of sentiment. He wished he could blame someone for this, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that it was his own fault.
Squall's fretful thoughts had carried him halfway around the ballroom, yet still, there seemed to be no sign of Rinoa. He briefly considered retreating to his favorite corner to brood for a moment, but changed his mind when he caught a flash of light blue from out on the balcony. The same balcony where he had stood several months earlier and sulked over the beautiful stranger in the short dress that had enchanted him (more or less) into a dance, then left without barely a word.
He stepped quietly over to the open arch, and leaned against it, watching her as she watched the sky with her backed turned to him. She seemed so peaceful at the moment, he wondered if he should really disturb her. He considered sneaking away now, before he was seen, and leaving her to her serene stargazing. It would be a load of pressure off of his shoulder's but… He considered for a moment, then squared his shoulders and walked up behind her with a look of utter determination upon his face. If he were ever going to heal his wounds, he would have to start by facing the problem down.
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belongWith his heart pounding thunderously inside his ribcage, he slowly came to stand beside her, wanting to utter some form of greeting, but finding himself unable to comply. He caught her watching him from the corner of her eye, but even she had nothing to say.
He believed this was the first time that any form of silence had been agonizing to him. It was so awkward, standing there with no clue of what words to speak, or actions to take. When this short eternity stretched even farther, he had to fight with himself to keep from running away. Maybe she didn't acknowledge him because she wanted to be left alone. Did she want him to go away? Had he made a mistake in coming here at all? Squall had never felt so miserably nervous in his life. But at least, it was something. At least it was some feeling other than pain or anger. Those were the few emotions that he knew all too well.
He thought of following her example and watching the stars, but he couldn't take his eyes off her. The moonlight spilled over he pale white skin, making an even sharper contrast with her midnight colored locks of hair. Color contrast had never been so fascinating before. But he wanted so much more than to just watch her.
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I imagined it all in my mindLooking at her reminded him of all the reasons he was happy to have survived. Were it not for her, he doubted if he would've cared one way or another. Now everything was different and he wasn't sure what to think. He had wondered so long after answers, only to find that they were right in front of his face. No, it wasn't just her that had saved him, though without her he certainly would've been lost. It had been all his friends. With their help he had commanded the SeeDs without making any huge, or noticeable mistakes. Granted, nothing had been perfect, but it could've been much worse.
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me
Nothin' to lose
Nothin' to gain
Hollow and alone
And the fault is my ownAnd the fault is my own
Inside the ballroom, he could hear his friends' voices as they laughed, and joked around. He had spotted Selphie messing around with a camera as he was coming in, and was glad he had managed to slip out unnoticed. Well, he was glad. Now he wasn't so sure. He had to wonder if maybe Rinoa wasn't mad at him. For a brief instant he wondered what he could've done, but he didn't have to wonder long.
Perhaps, like him, she had been reminiscing of events passed. Maybe she had been remembering all the times he had ignored her, or the harsh words that had passed between them. The past weeks had been different, but could that really undo all the pain he must have caused her before? He suddenly felt ashamed. All the times she had tried to help, and he pretty much slapped her in the face. How could he ever make it up to her?
He let out a tired sigh, whether it was over his own thoughts, or his growing inpatients, he couldn't tell. Whichever it was, it caught Rinoa's attention. She turned her head to see him better, and smiled as she noticed the way he suddenly found the ocean so interesting, and the way his cheeks were turning slightly red.
Deciding that if anything were going to happen, she would have to make the first move, she gently reached for his hand, which was rested on the stone railing, and covered it with her own. He looked up at her, eyes widened in surprise, before dropping his gaze. He wanted so much to do something, anything, but he found himself frozen with indecision. He questioned himself then… Would he ever be able to just let go?
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belongWhen Rinoa realized that he wasn't going to so much as react to her, she slowly allowed her hand to slip back down to her side in disappointment. Had she read him wrong? Maybe he didn't want the same thing she did. At this thought she leaned her weight against the icy railing and turned her attention back to the sky. She didn't want to think about it, couldn't bear to. No, she would just lose herself among the glowing celestial spheres above and try to smile. After all, that had always been her way of hiding from the world. If she wore a smile on her face, no one would ever be able to guess at the real turmoil beneath the cheerful façade.
Despite her best attempts at hiding it, he noticed the hurt that she felt. He heaved another, this time disgusted sigh, and backed away from the edge, halfway considering an escape. He hadn't even said anything, and all ready he'd messed up. His mouth opened, and the words 'I'm sorry' formed on his tongue, but somehow he felt that wouldn't lessen the tension between them.
Squall felt so trapped. To walk away now might ruin any chance he had, if he hadn't already, but to stay meant facing his own discomfort, and the ever present, completely unnerving silence that hadn't lifted since he'd stepped out there. Giving orders for the Garden attack hadn't been this complicated.
His shoulders slumped in exasperation, and he turned his frosty glare upward to the equally cold expanse of space. A small shudder ran through him, as memories of watching one of the few people he cared about floating into oblivion shot through his mind. Sometimes his mind was his worse enemy.
At that moment, a short, flaming streak of light shot across shot across the sky, drawing both their eyes to it. A much welcomed feeling of Déjà vu swept over him, and he unconsciously allowed his eyes to trail over to his quiet companion. As he half way expected, she was smiley widely, and pointing up to the sky.
I will never know
Myself
Until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else
Until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything
'Til I break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself todayA million thought went through his head in one moment as he stared at the love of his life. Love? It was such a strong word, yet it didn't seem to even begin to describe the emotion he felt for her. Now he knew for certain that he was in love, but how to express it was beyond him.
Squall had a decision to make now. He could turn away, and spare himself the task of facing his worst fear, or he could go through with it. He could show her how he really felt. He'd never been the kind to run away before, but it was so much easier for him to stand his ground when all he was facing was some physical pain, or even slight humiliation. He had come out here for a reason, he knew, though he couldn't put his finger on it exactly before. Now he knew what he had come here in search of.
It occurred to him, in a brilliant flash of an epiphany, that if he didn't let himself free now, he would suffer for the rest of his life. He was lucky that someone had come along to show him who he really was inside. So many people never got the chance. Who was he to forsake the gift he'd been given? Now was the moment. He'd found something new within himself, a new kind of courage that had been foreign to him before. He wanted to be free of the pain; he wanted to live a life of happiness. What seemed like an eternity ago, he wouldn't have cared, wanting only to be left alone, but now…
Taking a deep breath, he smiled the first real smile that he could remember, and reached for her hand, saying in that simple gesture that he wanted her help. He wanted her to heal his pain.
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belongShe took his hand, accepting his silent request and taking it to heart. She was surprised by his sudden actions, but thrilled at the same time. The pounding inside her chest increased greatly as he pulled her closer, a long suppressed desire coming to the surface. She almost held her breath in anticipation.
When his lips finally met with hers, she melted into his firm embrace, a mixture of pure love and attraction overwhelming her senses.
He too, was nearly overcome but the feeling of release that came with giving into his emotions, but he held strong, supporting her. Once again, another small eternity passed, but this one was shared in unspoken bliss. Now he knew what he'd come here for, what he'd been waiting for all his life. As she leaned closer to him, her arms tightening around him, he knew he had found it. This was where he belonged.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A/N: Well, I hope it wasn't too boring. I just wanted to do a little thought-provoking piece. Also, if the lyrics piqued you interest, you can listen to the song by going to the official Linkin Park website and clicking on LPTV. From there, just click on audio, and click on the name of the song out to the side.